Chu Yu remained silent.
She suppressed her emotions, fearing that in a moment of impulse, she might leap up and stab the man before her.
He had asked her to go with him.
What did that mean?
With those words, he had casually negated her six years of effort, six years of suffering. A full twelve years, all wiped clean by that single sentence.
She had loved him for twelve years, willing to give her heart and soul to this man, all for this one sentence. But he hadn’t given it to her. Instead, in this reborn life, when she had given him nothing, he offered these words to her.
Was she wrong?
Had Heaven allowed her to be reborn just to slap her in the face and tell her she was mistaken?
Was it not that Young Gu Chusheng didn’t love her, but that she had worn away Gu Chusheng’s love?
But what had she done wrong?
She had gone to great lengths to protect him, suffering countless wounds. Over time, she had smoothed her edges, becoming the Madam Gu of those years.
She had once been someone who could whip a loose-tongued woman off her horse and order ten lashes, but by his side, she learned to be deceitful, to be steady and smile, to engage in verbal sparring like a woman of the inner court.
She had once been someone who drank and sang heartily around the campfire with soldiers after battle, but after marrying him, she declawed herself like a fierce tiger, becoming a docile cat.
He always said he disliked her, and couldn’t stand her ways, but if he had truly looked, how could he not see that Madam Gu and Chu Yu were two entirely different people?
She had lost herself for love, no wonder others looked down on her.
Seeing Chu Yu’s silence, Gu Chusheng felt uneasy and hesitantly called out, “A’Yu…”
“Don’t call me that,” Chu Yu suddenly interrupted him. Gu Chusheng’s face paled as Chu Yu looked up at him.
The young Gu Chusheng didn’t have the later harshness. After twelve years as an official, the youthful pride and passion had disappeared from the political arena. Now, as she looked at Gu Chusheng, he was still pure and untainted. She took a deep breath, suppressing all her tumultuous emotions, and stepped back, kneeling again.
“In my youthful ignorance, I rashly sought your affection. That was my mistake,” she said calmly, looking at him with resolute eyes. “However, now that I understand my heart, I ask Lord Gu to treat that youthful folly as nothing more than a passing cloud.”
Hearing this, Gu Chusheng slowly clenched his fists. “You understand your heart? Folly? Who would treat the idea of elopement as a joke?!”
“You like me, don’t you know that yourself?!”
“I do,” Chu Yu replied, looking at Gu Chusheng’s distressed appearance, her demeanor calm. She gazed at his swollen eyes and spoke evenly, “This humble one knows that in her youth, she was fond of my lord. At twelve years old, when that man came riding in red robes, this humble one was quite pleased.”
Hearing this, Gu Chusheng’s tears fell uncontrollably.
Twelve years old…
That year, when the city fell, he had gone out to report news and saw that girl from afar.
It was the first time he held a girl’s hand, the first time he embraced someone.
After her death, he had replayed that scene countless times in his mind. Back then, Gu Chusheng was still the eldest young master of the Gu family, full of vigor and youthful pride. It was probably the most beautiful time of his life.
He trembled slightly, pressing his lips together as tears streamed down.
He wanted to stop her next words, to freeze everything at this moment. But he knew he had to listen. Only by listening could he understand what he could do.
“All Chu Yu sought was a bit of tenderness. Since birth, neither their father nor brothers treated Chu Yu as a girl, nor did her mother. So when the young master reached out his hand, Chu Yu saw him as salvation. Therefore, what I loved was not the young master, but merely what Chu Yu imagined,” she said, slowly smiling. “It wasn’t until I married the Crown Prince that Chu Yu realized what true feelings are.”
“You only met him once,” Gu Chusheng reminded her hoarsely. “Then he died.”
Chu Yu laughed softly, “Although it was only once, his every gesture showed how well he treated me. What Lord Gu gave me was merely the kindness one shows to an ordinary girl, but what the Crown Prince gave me was as precious as pearls and jade. Even when busy on the battlefield, the Crown Prince never forgot to write to me. I admired the Crown Prince’s heroic spirit. Though he died in battle, he lives forever in my heart.”
Gu Chusheng couldn’t speak. He clenched his fists, his whole body trembling.
It hurt. Why did it hurt so much?
Why did he have to be reborn, to come back and hear Chu Yu say that her love for him had always been a misunderstanding?
Did she think he didn’t know?
He knew, but he had always been in denial. For so many years, he knew that she admired the heroic man who stood tall, never the political schemer hiding in the darkness. If she yearned for the blazing sun, he was the shadowy moon.
She had mistaken the person, she thought she was right, but she was always stubborn and persistent, so she persisted for six years.
After six years, she finally couldn’t take it anymore and wanted to divorce him.
He had been waiting for that day, knowing that her love, like a castle in the air, was just an illusion.
One day she would wake up from her dream, one day she would see clearly.
But he had no way out, he could only spin in this pain, unable to escape.
So he told himself countless times that he hated her, that he despised her. When he was young, he said it so often that he began to believe it was true. It wasn’t until she died when he could no longer say such hurtful things, that he dared to slowly unfold the paper heart he had been clutching, to see his own heart.
But why did she have to tell him this?
Why, after he had died clinging to that illusion, did she have to drag him back and torture him like this?
He looked at her clear, gentle eyes, unable to voice his questions.
Seeing him silent, only shedding tears, Chu Yu sighed and said softly, “I ask the young master to forgive that youthful indiscretion. The sky is high and the sea is vast, the people’s lives are hard. The young master has a talent for governing and lofty ambitions. I hope that in the future, you will achieve great things, become a pillar of our great Chu, and protect our common people.” She looked up at him and slowly added, “For a prosperous empire.”
“I won’t!” Gu Chusheng suddenly burst out. He stared into Chu Yu’s eyes, like a child, gritting out each word, “I won’t.”
Why should he fulfill her wishes?
Why could she leave so composedly, still demanding this and that of him? Who was she to him? What right did she have to dictate his actions?
Gu Chusheng seemed to return to the days when he argued with Chu Yu, when she disapproved of his petty actions, accusing him of disregarding the bigger picture. He always argued with her, hating how she fought with him for the sake of others.
He waited for her to persuade him, to scold him.
However, after hearing this, Chu Yu just paused for a moment, then nodded, “Indeed, it is my lord’s choice. I was merely speaking idly, my lord need not think too much of it.”
With that, Chu Yu stood up and said, “If there’s nothing else, this humble one will take her leave.”
Hearing this, Gu Chusheng was stunned. He watched Chu Yu walk out and asked hoarsely, “Why don’t you scold me?”
Chu Yu looked back at him, somewhat puzzled, “Everyone has their own choices. You and I have no connection, why should I scold you?”
“You mean,” his gaze was somewhat dazed, “you don’t like me anymore, I have no relationship with you, so whether I’m good or bad, it doesn’t matter to you?”
“Perhaps it still does?” Chu Yu sighed, smiling lightly, “If Lord Gu were a bad person, it might be quite troublesome to kill Lord Gu.”
“You want to kill me?” Hearing this, Gu Chusheng slowly began to laugh. He supported himself as he walked down, drew the sword hanging by the bed, and turned the hilt towards her. “Then come on.”
Chu Yu frowned. Gu Chusheng, seeing the sword tip pointing at himself, felt a sense of satisfaction. He laughed out loud, “Come and kill me!”
Chu Yu didn’t speak. She looked at him calmly, “You haven’t done anything wrong yet, why should I kill you? If you do wrong,” Chu Yu raised her hand to tuck her hair behind her ear, her gaze turning distant, “if I must kill you, I certainly won’t hesitate. If it’s not my place to kill you, naturally someone else will.”
“Besides,” Chu Yu’s laugh carried a hint of nostalgia she didn’t notice, “if you were to bring disaster upon the country and people, knowing our Xiao Qi’s temperament, he’d probably be the first to take action.”