Xu Zhi indeed had something to say to Tan Xu. That night ended unpleasantly, and she hadn’t finished speaking when Tan Xu lost his temper and threw her necklace down. She was so focused on finding the necklace that she only remembered she hadn’t clarified things with him after she got home. Later, when she tried to reach him, Tan Xu wouldn’t answer her calls or reply to her WeChat messages.
Tan Xu’s behavior had been a bit off since the third mock exam. He became quiet and withdrawn, very unsociable. Qu Yihua said he was anxious and under too much pressure. To help him relax, Xu Zhi arranged a weekend outing, pocketing two hundred yuan saved from skipping breakfast for two weeks, and took him ice skating. However, she didn’t expect Tan Xu to have such a natural deficiency in athletic ability and a remarkable lack of balance.
After persistently falling flat on his face countless times at the skating rink, he became angry and embarrassed. In a fit of rage, he took off his skates right there and threw them forcefully on the ground. For the first time, his usually pale and listless face was filled with muscular tension as he shouted at her, “Is this fun for you? Don’t you ever consider other people’s feelings? I admit I’m no good at anything, okay?!”
Xu Zhi was quite stunned. He usually tried to excel at everything, always aiming for first place, even in various small tests during P.E. class. Xu Zhi didn’t know his sense of balance was so poor. When she invited him to go ice skating, he readily agreed, but ended up making a fool of himself and turning around to scold her. It was at that moment Xu Zhi felt that seventeen or eighteen-year-old boys could be utterly tiresome.
But it must be said that without Tan Xu, Xu Zhi wouldn’t have achieved her current grades, and might not have even made it through the most difficult times. Tan Xu transferred to Ruijun Middle School in the second year of high school. At that time, it had been three years since Xu Zhi’s mother had passed away. Old Xu was suffering from severe depression and anxiety, constantly on medication. However, long-term use of antidepressants and anti-anxiety drugs can affect bodily functions. Xu Guangji’s health was deteriorating during that period, with his hair falling out in large clumps, even worse than chemotherapy patients.
At that time, Xu Zhi was also affected by Old Xu’s condition. Her grades plummeted, and although she originally had a chance to get into the No. 1 High School, she barely managed to enter an ordinary high school in the end. After Tan Xu transferred and became Xu Zhi’s deskmate, she felt he was quite pitiful too. She heard he had been bullied at his previous school and developed depression, which led to his transfer. Xu Zhi felt sympathy for him, and since Tan Xu was quiet and didn’t get along well with other classmates, Xu Zhi became his link to the outside world. Gradually, they communicated more and more, and it was often Tan Xu who encouraged her. Xu Zhi felt she couldn’t continue in such a daze, and it was probably from the moment Tan Xu told her this phrase that things began to change—
“There is no true despair in this world, only prisoners trapped by their thoughts.”
**
“You told me this, and I always found it very enlightening. I thought someone who could say such things must have a more open mind than me. I believed you could understand things I couldn’t figure out, so I thought if I just gave you time, you’d be able to work things out on your own. But I’ve realized you’re now stuck in a dead end. There’s no point in avoiding things every day like this. If you didn’t do well in the exam, that’s just how it is. Do you need everyone to fail the exam with you to be happy?”
The two stood at the elevator entrance. People were continually coming out of the mall escalators, but Tan Xu seemed oblivious to the fact that he was blocking others’ way, still standing there like a telephone pole. Xu Zhi pulled him to the side, but Tan Xu instinctively looked over towards Chen Luzhou.
He had recognized Chen Luzhou from the Zongshan campus at first glance. Tan Xu’s former chemistry teacher at No. 1 High School was the homeroom teacher of Chen Luzhou’s class. Every time he saw their class during exam periods, the atmosphere was so tense it was about to explode. Looking across the entire classroom, all you could see were heads bowed in intense writing, nobody speaking.
He would use Chen Luzhou as an example, saying, “Your mentality isn’t right. You’re pushing yourselves so hard in your first year of high school, how will you survive the third year? I’m worried you’ll all have mental breakdowns before the college entrance exam even starts. We have a guy in our class with a great attitude. He won a national award in the junior high chemistry competition and works hard usually, but during these few days before exams, he doesn’t study at all. He’s either playing basketball or watching movies. Zongshan’s class atmosphere is still okay.”
No. 1 High School was intense, but Zongshan was even more so. Tan Xu didn’t believe there could be a class with a good atmosphere at No. 1 High School; every class there was in hell mode. Moreover, almost every year, there were students from No. 1 High School who couldn’t handle the pressure and dropped out or transferred. At the time, he thought this teacher was just bitter about seeing other classes working harder than his own and wanted to put them down. Tan Xu also didn’t believe that one person could influence the atmosphere of an entire class.
Later, there was a time when he went to the Zongshan office to help a teacher get some competition exam papers. Chen Luzhou happened to be in the teacher’s office, being scolded by the math teacher. Tan Xu felt quite smug at the time, thinking the chemistry teacher’s boasting had been proven false. Look at him now, playing around and still failing exams. Just as he was picking up the papers, he accidentally knocked over the math teacher’s glass. Chen Luzhou, who was still being scolded, quickly steadied it for him. He glanced at Tan Xu and joked with the math teacher: “Hey, look, almost broke another one. Otherwise, we’d have to chip in to buy you a new one for next year’s Teachers’ Day.”
The math teacher glared at him, feigning annoyance but with a hint of pleasure in his eyes: “As if I’d want that.”
Tan Xu apologized and turned to leave. The math teacher immediately called out to him, “Hey, student, wait a moment. Take this answer sheet with you too. Don’t peek, check your answers after you’re done.” But after searching for a long time, he couldn’t find it. Worried that Tan Xu would get impatient waiting, he casually said, “Chen Luzhou, give him your paper.”
Chen Luzhou took a paper from his hand to see which one it was, then hesitated for a long time before sighing.
“What’s the matter? Hurry up, he’s waiting, and class is about to start.”
“Ah, I haven’t written it yet,” he said.
“…Just keep watching movies all day long!” The math teacher immediately chided him. “Watch fewer movies! What, you want to be an actor in the future? Why don’t you just apply to the Beijing Film Academy then?”
“I’ll go home and ask my mom if she agrees,” he said with a smile as he put the paper back.
At that moment, Tan Xu felt that the atmosphere was indeed different, but he still refused to admit defeat. Chen Luzhou was just like that, just a bit more cheerful than them, that’s all.
…
Chen Luzhou was quite busy at the moment. He had just finished directing someone to the restroom, and then made the child next to him who was also waiting in line cry. He was quite puzzled, wondering why children seemed to seek him out wherever he stood. He suspected he had been put on some kind of child’s wanted list. Wearily leaning against a pillar, he surrendered and lowered his head to the child, saying, “Alright, alright, you can have the balloon. But don’t point that gun at your sister, your bullets are quite painful. You’ve already bruised my hand.”
The people queuing around them all watched and smiled, creating an atmosphere that was the complete opposite of Tan Xu’s side.
Tan Xu felt that the reason Chen Luzhou seemed to have a good atmosphere wherever he went was simply because people were willing to focus their attention on him. He turned his gaze back to Xu Zhi and said gloomily, “I’m the one who failed the college entrance exam, not you. You have low empathy and can’t understand if you can’t understand. Don’t tell me again about how I can just retake the exam next year. Do you think retaking is that simple? I’ve worked hard for so many years, was it just to take another year of exams? I’ve never failed at anything since I was a child, do you understand?”
Besides, that phrase wasn’t even his. He had seen it in a perfect score essay review book when he was at No. 1 High School. He didn’t pay attention to the name at the time, and later when he went back to look for the book, he couldn’t find it.
Xu Zhi looked at him for a while and asked, “Have you seen a psychologist?”
Tan Xu: “I don’t need to see a psychologist. Is this what you wanted to tell me? Or do you want to say that now that you’ve done well in the exam, you can dump me?”
Xu Zhi: “We were never really…”
“Xu Zhi, I thought we had an unspoken understanding,” Tan Xu interrupted her sarcastically. “Wasn’t that just an excuse to appease the teachers? Or have you found someone better now, so you want to dump me?”
“I don’t have the energy for a relationship right now, Tan Xu. To be honest with you, I knew I didn’t like you back in our third year of high school, but you kept giving me hints during my most confused period, and I thought I liked you. If you want me to spell it out, I don’t mind being blunt—”
Tan Xu looked at Xu Zhi warily. Her clean, clear eyes were so sharp and direct, seeming to hold the courage to challenge the sun and moon.
“Tan Xu, do you dare to admit it? What you did to me was PUA.”
**
The Bullfrog restaurant was bustling with customers. The table next to Chen Luzhou’s was occupied by the little boy who had been shooting him with the toy gun earlier. They had almost become familiar now. The little sister was particularly fond of Chen Luzhou, shyly bringing over a plate of self-serve fruit from time to time and placing it on Chen Luzhou’s table. She didn’t dare look at him, quickly turning and running away as soon as she put it down, leaving Chen Luzhou a bit helpless. He could only lean back in his chair and smile. When the little sister brought over a bowl of fruit for the third time, Chen Luzhou simply held her back, saying, “Why don’t you eat with big brother?”
So, Xu Zhi watched as the waiter added a pair of children’s chopsticks to their table. She wanted to scold them with a stern face, but the little sister was quite perceptive. Seeing Xu Zhi’s fierce gaze, she tremblingly asked, “Big sister, am I not allowed to eat?”
“No, you’re not,” Xu Zhi said directly. “Where are your parents? Do they allow you to sit at strangers’ tables so casually? This big brother isn’t a bad person today, but what if you meet a bad person in the future?”
The little sister burst into tears and obediently climbed down from the chair, mumbling between sobs, “Big brother, I’m leaving.”
Chen Luzhou had no choice but to comfort her again, giving her all the balloons the restaurant staff had just given him. The little girl immediately beamed with joy and happily returned to her parents’ table.
After she climbed back onto the chair at her parents’ table with glee, and Chen Luzhou had exchanged glances with her parents, he turned back. Leaning against his chair, he turned down the alcohol flame under the bullfrog pot and gave Xu Zhi a meaningful look. “Why are you being so harsh with the child? Did you fight with him?”
Xu Zhi finally picked up her chopsticks and nonchalantly picked up a piece of bullfrog. “It wasn’t a fight,” she said, blowing on the hot bullfrog. “At most, I just intimidated him a bit.”
“Cough cough—” Chen Luzhou, who was drinking lemon water, suddenly coughed upon hearing this. His voice became unexpectedly hoarse, and he coughed again before saying, “What did you intimidate him about?”
“Nothing much, I just told him to stop bothering me,” Xu Zhi was spiced up by the bullfrog. She fanned herself, sweating profusely, and took a sip of water. Seeming to remember something, she said, “Oh right, I’ll add your WeChat later.”
Chen Luzhou: “…”
Your seamless transition skills could be called welding.
For the first time, Chen Luzhou felt uncomfortable, extremely uncomfortable all over. He wanted to take out all his bones and stretch them out. He took a sip of lemon water and glanced away, saying, “Isn’t that a bit too fast?”
Xu Zhi put down her water and thought for a moment. “I have something to tell you. Let’s talk on WeChat, it’s not good to say it face to face.”
“I know,” he said, looking at her.
Xu Zhi was startled. “You know?”
Chen Luzhou: “I know… a little bit?”
Xu Zhi was quite shocked. She raised the chopsticks holding the dry-pot bullfrog in salute, “You’re something. Let’s talk about it when we get back then.”
Chen Luzhou was leaning back in his chair, his legs spread out casually. The little boy had given him a few candies earlier, and he had unwrapped one. Now he was chewing it slowly, all the while giving Xu Zhi a meaningful look.
Perhaps it was the intimidating appearance, but his gaze always seemed to carry the intention of stirring up trouble at any moment.
But what he was thinking was:
Am I now considered the third wheel?