Xie Zheng smiled faintly and asked her in return, “Who could I tell?”
Fan Changyu realized he was right. Being kicked into the river in front of her was quite embarrassing for him.
She glanced at him and said fiercely, “Anyway, don’t tell anyone.”
After Xie Zheng promised repeatedly, he handed her the fish, “Have some fish.”
She looked at the golden-brown, fragrant fish in his hand. Just as she stubbornly said, “I’m not hungry,” her stomach growled loudly.
The temperature in Fan Changyu’s face, which had just cooled down, rose again.
Xie Zheng struggled to suppress the upward curve of his lips and offered her a way out, “I grilled too much. I can’t finish it all.”
At this point, persisting would only embarrass herself. Fan Changyu resentfully extended her hand to take the fish, saying defiantly, “Don’t tell anyone about this either.”
Xie Zheng agreed with an “Alright,” holding back his laughter.
In the wild, without seasoning, most grilled game smells good but tastes bland or even fishy. However, the fish Xie Zheng grilled not only wasn’t fishy but had a subtle sour and spicy flavor.
After a couple of bites, Fan Changyu asked curiously, “Did you bring seasoning?”
Xie Zheng picked up some unused berries by the fire and showed her, “These wild fruits, some are sour, some are spicy.”
Fan Changyu mumbled, “Did you taste each one you brought back?”
With his excellent hearing, Xie Zheng heard her words. He just smiled slightly, continuing to remove fish bones from the fish in his hand. He said, “I joined the army at thirteen, starting as a small soldier in the vanguard. It’s been eight years now. Just like when you first came to this mountain, food wasn’t always available in the army. When we were starving, even grassroots and tree bark were delicacies. Of course, I’ve tasted wild fruits. I remember the taste of the edible ones. As for the inedible ones, after seeing fellow soldiers die from poisoning, I naturally wouldn’t touch them again.”
As Fan Changyu listened to him recount these past experiences, she found herself eating the fish without tasting it. She looked up at him, dazed.
When she first learned he was the Marquis of Wu’an, she felt he was very distant from her, as if they were two people from different worlds who shouldn’t have any connection.
Only now did she realize that behind that identity was not just glory, but also hardships others had never experienced.
The cruelty of the battlefield was something she had personally experienced.
Joining the army at thirteen, he was even younger than Wu Sanjin. Over these years, he had struggled his way up. Only he knew the hardships he had endured.
A complex emotion settled in her heart. Fan Changyu lowered her head and silently began removing fish bones.
A fish with all its bones removed was wrapped in a clean wild banana leaf and handed over. Xie Zheng took the fish from her hand and said, “Eat this one with the bones removed.”
Fan Changyu held the small piece of banana leaf with the cut fish but didn’t start eating.
Xie Zheng paused in removing fish bones and looked up at her, asking, “What’s wrong?”
Fan Changyu said, “Yan Zheng, I’ll still call you Yan Zheng. Don’t be so kind to me. You’re a noble marquis, a legendary hero in the hearts of Da Yin’s people. The one who can match you should be a well-educated lady from a noble family. I’m just a crude girl from the border town who hasn’t even finished reading the Four Books. I’m not worthy of you.”
Xie Zheng lowered his eyes and continued removing fish bones, seemingly smiling, “But among all the women in the world, I’m only fond of you.”
Fan Changyu was stunned. This was the first time Xie Zheng had so frankly expressed his feelings to her. Her heart beat wildly for a few moments, followed by an endless bitterness.
She said, “Don’t like me. Your military achievements are unparalleled, you were enfeoffed as a marquis at a young age. You should marry a wife of equal status and live an open and aboveboard life, admired by all.”
Xie Zheng handed over the fish with all bones removed and said, “I reached this position through military merit, not the admiration of others. Besides, in this world, some respect me and those who hate me. They respect me because I drove back the northern barbarians and reclaimed lost territory. They hate me because they fear my ruthlessness in killing. If I’ve traded half a lifetime of warfare for this reputation, yet still fear public opinion when choosing a wife, I’d be too cowardly a marquis.”
He stared at Fan Changyu: “Before meeting you, I indeed thought of marrying a strong-willed girl from a noble family and living a life of mutual respect. If I were to die on the battlefield, she could still live well with the children, relying on the family fortune.”
“After meeting you, I stopped thinking about dying on the battlefield. How could I die?”
He laughed, lying down with his arms behind his head, looking at the star-filled sky: “After the war, I’ll request to be stationed in Liaoxi. As long as I keep the barbarians from coming south, the disputes in the capital will have nothing to do with me. Then I’ll ask the young emperor to arrange our marriage. I’ll bring you home in a grand wedding procession with eight sedan chairs, gongs, and drums, letting the whole world know you’ve married me.”
The youthful excitement and joy on his face made Fan Changyu’s heart feel like it was stuffed with damp cotton, moist and making her eyes sting.
“You haven’t seen the sunrise on Yan Mountain, nor the hunting grounds of Huizhou. I’ll take you to see them all. Liaoxi is so vast, you won’t be bored.”
“But you always refuse me, fearing you don’t match my status. Yet when I had nothing, you weren’t afraid to be with me.” He was still looking at the sky, seeming to laugh self-mockingly: “Throughout one’s life, we bring nothing when we’re born and take nothing when we die. We’re just constrained by that half-life of fame. What you think is a barrier between us is nothing.”
“You say I could meet a better girl, but how do you know that to me, you’re not the best girl?”
Fan Changyu opened her mouth but felt a painful dryness in her throat. She covered her face with her hands, tears spilling from her eyes.
Xie Zheng sat up to wipe her tears, saying, “I’m not telling you this to make you cry. I just want you to know that I’m fond of you, not for anything else, but because you’re Fan Changyu. I lost my parents when I was young, have no elders at home, and no sisters. At first, I didn’t understand much about the concerns you have, but after asking others, I came to understand the implications.”
“Whether you fear public opinion or worry about the future, I should have handled all this first. I asked my teacher to take you as his adopted daughter – the same Mr. Tao who taught you to read and wanted to take you as a disciple before. He’s a great scholar of our time and once served as the Imperial Tutor. Even if I hadn’t asked for this favor, he likes you very much. From now on, he’ll be your family. Even if you don’t marry me in the future, with your status as his adopted daughter, no one will dare to slight you.”
As he said the last sentence, Xie Zheng lowered his eyes, hiding the fierce look in them.
If that day came, it would probably be after his death.
Even if he died, he hoped she would live well.
He couldn’t bear to part with her.
She was the only sun he had ever embraced in his life.
But he hated becoming someone like his mother, so he hoped for her happiness.
As long as she spread her light and warmth in the world, he wouldn’t feel cold in hell.
Fan Changyu bit her lip hard, but still couldn’t hold back a sob. Her tears fell in large drops: “I’m not as good as you think…”
Xie Zheng raised his hand to wipe away the tears rolling down the corners of her eyes, saying gently, “You are the kindest and bravest girl I’ve ever met in my life. Do you think everyone dares to go to the battlefield?”
When he embraced Fan Changyu, she buried her face in his shoulder, still unable to stop sobbing.
After her parents’ death, she had been struggling along with her sister. Suddenly, someone burst into her life, cherishing her in every way. After the initial trepidation and caution, she still broke through that defensive wall in her heart. What spread beyond joy was also sourness.
Xie Zheng patted her back lightly and said, “I will also help you avenge your parents.”
Hearing something related to her parent’s death, Fan Changyu straightened up, hastily wiping her eyes with her sleeve, and said, “I will avenge my parents myself.”
Thinking of her previous attempt to check the archives at the Jizhou Prefecture office, which yielded no clues, Fan Changyu suddenly looked at Xie Zheng: “Do you know who killed my parents?”
Xie Zheng nodded slowly.
Fan Changyu pressed her lips together and asked, “Who is it?”
Xie Zheng uttered two words: “Wei Yan.”
Fan Changyu was stunned at first, then remembering his well-known relationship with Wei Yan, she asked, “Your uncle?”
Xie Zheng’s expression turned slightly cold as he said, “He doesn’t deserve that title.”
Fearing his expression might frighten Fan Changyu, he explained, “The formidable enemy I once told you about, it’s him.”
Fan Changyu was visibly confused: “Wei Yan is the current Prime Minister. My father was just an escort. Why would Wei Yan want to kill him?”
Xie Zheng looked at her for a while, and finally revealed the truth: “Your father once worked for Wei Yan.”
Fan Changyu was completely bewildered, but recalling what Old Man Fan had told her when her father got into trouble – that her father wasn’t Fan Erniu, but had been sold off as a child and returned on his own after more than a decade to continue living in Lin’an Town under the identity of Fan Erniu – she realized that what Xie Zheng said was very likely true.
Wei Yan had done many evil deeds. Had her father also followed him in doing evil in the past?
Fan Changyu’s heart suddenly tightened.
Noticing she was lost in thought, Xie Zheng seemed to guess what she was thinking and said, “Jizhou Governor He Jingyuan also works for Wei Yan, but he has never exploited the common people. He could call your father an old friend, so your father was probably like-minded with him.”
He Jingyuan was the upright official of the entire Jizhou. With Xie Zheng’s words, Fan Changyu felt much better.
She asked, “When did you start investigating my parents’ matter?”
Xie Zheng answered, “After leaving Qingping County.”
Fan Changyu thought about their parting at that time and still felt somewhat guilty. Then remembering that she had just kicked him into the river out of embarrassment, she felt even more ashamed and said, “I won’t hit you anymore in the future, and you shouldn’t keep kissing me on impulse.”
Xie Zheng paused in stirring the fire and said, “Just don’t hit so hard.”
Fan Changyu was stunned at first, then realizing the meaning behind his words, her face reddened in the firelight. She glared at him, “I’m being serious!”
Xie Zheng slightly raised his phoenix eyes, the naturally upturned corners giving him a look of both disdain and allure, “I’m serious too. When can I kiss you without you hitting me?”
Fan Changyu couldn’t help it and swung the empty banana leaf that wasn’t holding the grilled fish at him.
Xie Zheng tilted his head to avoid the banana leaf, laughing softly.
Fan Changyu sat by the fire, hugging her knees, sulking, and no longer paying attention to him.