The mountain wind rustled through the treetops, causing the leaves to whisper. The person in front of her slightly lowered his head, gazing at her intently. They were barely half a foot apart, close enough to hear each other’s breathing as they spoke.
Fan Changyu looked at the man whose eyes were filled with a fierce glint. She instinctively sensed danger. His grip on her shoulder was forceful. She tried to struggle, but it only made him hold on tighter, causing a dull ache in her bones.
She frowned and said, “What nonsense are you talking about?”
Xie Zheng coldly asked her, “Aren’t you going to Ji Prefecture to join the army?”
Fan Changyu replied, “I am going to enlist, but not in the way you think.”
Xie Zheng, angered to the extreme, let out a bitter laugh. “If it’s not what I think, why were you afraid of me knowing? Why did you leave without a word?”
Fan Changyu looked at his fierce, reddened eyes and felt a pang of guilt. Leaving without saying goodbye was indeed inconsiderate of her, but there were some things she didn’t know how to say to his face.
She pressed her lips together slightly and said, “I’m sorry.”
Xie Zheng looked at the girl before him, always so honest that she couldn’t even tell a lie. For a moment, he felt like strangling her. His hand, tightly gripping her shoulder, trembled as he pulled her into his embrace, his face contorted. He didn’t want her to see the even more terrifying look in his eyes.
Almost through gritted teeth, he said, “Fan Changyu, you should have stabbed me twice before leaving, leaving me too injured to get up. That would have been better.”
Black anger churned in his chest. The deep-seated fear, as if he were the only person left in the world, crept out from his bones and seeped into his flesh, making his arms that held her tight convulse uncontrollably.
All his pride and strength shattered like thin ice under the sun.
Why wouldn’t she stay with him?
Why did everyone abandon him?
That woman back then, and now her too.
He thought he had resolved all the obstacles between them.
But she still didn’t want him!
He had given her his whole heart, and she didn’t even care!
For a moment, Xie Zheng felt like he wasn’t himself anymore. He couldn’t control his body. He saw himself lower his head and, through her clothes, bite her shoulder fiercely.
Fan Changyu cried out in pain, but his teeth only clenched tighter. His phoenix eyes were filled with a bloodthirsty look. His arms locked around her, not loosening a bit no matter how she struggled, like a wolf biting its dying prey.
Fan Changyu cursed in pain, “What’s wrong with you?”
The man biting her finally let go. There was blood on his lips, but his face was pale. He looked down at her and murmured, “Fan Changyu, why can’t you like me?”
These words sounded more like a plea than a question.
A gentle breeze ruffled the messy bangs that had fallen over his forehead.
At that moment, his expression was unprecedentedly fragile.
Fan Changyu’s anger faltered. In her memory, Xie Zheng had always been proud. When had he ever looked so low, as if in the dust? Her heart softened, and she sighed, “How can I not like you?”
She raised her hand to stroke his hair, her eyes gentle yet determined. “If I didn’t like you, I wouldn’t have come to find you. I wouldn’t fear for your life and take your place on the battlefield.”
As her hand fell on top of his head, much of the ferocity in him dissipated. He stared at her for a moment, then curved his lips in self-mockery. “The person you like is the Yan Zheng you thought you knew.”
Fan Changyu hadn’t expected him to suddenly become so stubborn. She said, “I liked you when you were Yan Zheng. I like you as Xie Zheng too.”
“When you had nothing, I was willing to butcher pigs to support you. Now that you’re far more capable than me, I’m learning to become stronger too. That’s why I’m enlisting.”
Xie Zheng was completely stunned. His dark eyes stared at her blankly. His eyelashes, black as crow feathers, were thick and curled, looking fluffy in the sunlight. His cold, delicate face suddenly showed a hint of docility.
Like a child who had never received candy before, suddenly given a piece, his first reaction wasn’t joy, but confusion and bewilderment.
After a while, he scrutinized her and said, “Are you trying to coax me?”
Fan Changyu was exasperated, but seeing him like this, she couldn’t help but feel a bit of heartache.
She had always thought he was heaven’s favorite, getting whatever he wanted. But at this moment, she suddenly felt that what he possessed seemed so little.
So every loss felt like it was being forcibly torn from his flesh, as if it could cost him half his life.
She said, “I’m not coaxing you. I’m just telling you that I like you too, whether you’re Yan Zheng or Xie Zheng.”
“I rejected you before because I thought we wouldn’t have a good outcome together. When you were Yan Zheng, our worries were just about daily necessities. But you could earn money by copying books and writing essays, and I could make money by butchering and selling pork. Whatever difficulties we faced, we could support each other and overcome them.”
“But when you’re the Marquis of Wu’an, I don’t know how to help you with any of your problems. I don’t understand what you’re busy with or what you’re worried about. My mother says that for a couple to last a lifetime, they need to understand and support each other. Those who become resentful couples often wear out their past affection before they can accommodate each other for a lifetime.”
“I wanted to make a clean break, but you told me about watching the sunrise together at Yan Mountain, going hunting in Huizhou, and asking Master Tao to take me as his goddaughter because you were afraid I’d be bullied. I’m not made of stone. I would be sad and reluctant to part too.”
“I don’t know if I’ll regret choosing this path in the future, but at least for now, I’m willing to give it a try.”
She looked at him seriously. “I will become someone like you, to be with you openly and honorably.”
Under the blazing sun, Xie Zheng’s pitch-black eyes didn’t reflect any light, only mirroring Fan Changyu’s image. Like thick ink, it seemed to want to swallow her completely.
He hugged her tightly, his voice deep and hoarse. “No matter what identity you have when you’re with me, it’s always open and honorable.”
Fan Changyu said, “What I’m looking for is the confidence to walk alongside you forever. This confidence doesn’t come from how deep your feelings are for me, but from myself. Even a powerful eagle can’t carry another eagle while flying, right?”
Xie Zheng understood the meaning behind her words, but precisely because he understood, his thin lips pressed tighter. He straightened up and said, “The battlefield is not child’s play. One misstep could cost you your life. Even with the bravery of one man against ten thousand, accidents can still happen. I won’t let you take such risks.”
The battlefield could bring military merits, but buried beneath the yellow sand were countless white bones.
Fan Changyu looked at him and said, “I’m afraid of death too. I can’t bear to leave Ning’er and you. But if I don’t walk this path myself, others might force me into dangerous situations in the future. I still remember the two assassination attempts at home in Lin’an Town. I never knew my enemies were such powerful people. You almost lost your life to them once.”
“Rather than being carefully protected like a fragile vase, only to shatter when I fall, I’d rather train myself to have a body of copper and bones of iron. I said I want to walk alongside you. Those are my enemies too, and for the sake of avenging my parents, I should do this. I like you, but I can’t rely on you for the rest of my life. Otherwise, I wouldn’t be myself anymore.”
Xie Zheng couldn’t refute her words. Finally, he compromised, “Wouldn’t it be better to stay in the Yan Prefecture army?”
Fan Changyu replied, “That wouldn’t be much different from staying on the mountain before.”
They looked at each other, one with phoenix eyes full of restraint and silence, the other with clear and resolute almond eyes.
Finally, Xie Zheng relented, “Alright, you can go to Ji Prefecture to enlist, but take Xie Wu and Xie Qi with you.”
Fan Changyu knew this was the biggest concession he could make. She nodded, then said, “Take me back now, or Master Tao and Ning’er will be worried.”
She still wasn’t used to calling Tao Taifu her godfather. She turned to walk towards the black horse that was grazing nearby, but her hand was caught.
She looked at him in confusion. “Yan Zheng?”
Dappled sunlight filtered through the tree canopy, casting mottled shadows on the young man’s hair and jade-like face.
His pitch-black pupils locked onto her. He didn’t say a word but seemed to be silently asking for something.
Fan Changyu didn’t understand his meaning and asked again, “What’s wrong?”
He slowly said, “You said you like me.”
Fan Changyu was stunned at first. Meeting his gaze, she thought of what he had done to her before and suddenly understood the meaning behind his words.
He had done this to her many times, but this would be her first time.
It was different from when he was sick and kissed her eyelids, and she confusedly kissed his forehead in return.
At that time, she hadn’t thought much of it, feeling it was similar to planting a kiss on Changning’s face. This time, because she understood what it meant, her heart started pounding before she even did anything, as if a little deer was prancing in her chest.
She had never seen how others kissed, but every time Xie Zheng kissed her, he would just press down directly.
So the question of whether to close her eyes or not didn’t even cross Fan Changyu’s mind.
She was tall for a woman, but Xie Zheng still towered over her by half a head.
With a tense face, she stood on her tiptoes and quickly pecked his well-shaped lips.
Unlike after Xie Zheng kissed her, when her lips would be left swollen and painful, Fan Changyu was surprised to find his lips quite soft.
Then why did her mouth hurt so much before?
Could it be because he bit her?
As soon as this thought occurred to her, Fan Changyu felt that revenge should be swift. The bite mark on her shoulder still hurt, so she unhesitatingly bit his lip in return.
She didn’t bite very hard, but she felt the person in front of her catch his breath.
Fan Changyu knew when to stop. She quickly backed away and said, “Alright, let’s go back…”
Xie Zheng seemed to still be in a daze. There was a moment of bewilderment on his face, his long black eyelashes trembling slightly. He already had a beautiful, ascetic appearance, but because of his long experience on the battlefield and his high position, he usually gave off an aura of authority that made people feel unable to look at him directly.
It was rare for him to show such an expression. With less of his usual sharpness and dominance, the stunning impact of his features became even more intense. Fan Changyu’s heart pounded wildly a couple of times.
How could a man be so good-looking?
Xie Zheng raised his hand to touch his lower lip where Fan Changyu had bitten him, then looked at her again. His eyes were unreadable, and it was impossible to tell what he was thinking. He put his fingers to his lips and whistled, and the black horse that had been grazing in the distance quickly galloped back.
After mounting the horse, he extended a hand to Fan Changyu. When she took it, he gently pulled her up onto the horse’s back.
Fan Changyu asked curiously, “Can this whistle summon the Gyrfalcon and also control horses?”
As she spoke, she looked at the finger he had used to whistle and noticed a ring of scar tissue, as if from some injury. It looked like a bite mark, but even more severe.
The person behind her answered, “Different lengths and pitches of the whistle correspond to different commands.”
For the rest of the journey, they didn’t talk much. Fan Changyu occasionally asked him a question or two, and he answered simply as if lost in thought.
It wasn’t until they could see the tail end of the Ji Prefecture army at a gentle slope ahead that Xie Zheng suddenly reined in the horse.
Fan Changyu thought he was worried about causing a stir by directly sending her back to the army camp, and was about to dismount when he grabbed her arm.
She turned back in confusion and found his black eyes locked on her again. He was so close that he could kiss her with just a slight lowering of his head, yet he didn’t move any closer.
His intention couldn’t have been clearer.
Fan Changyu swallowed slightly. As she leaned in to kiss him, she couldn’t help but wonder why this man, even when he wanted someone to kiss him, still had that stubborn attitude of wanting it but refusing to ask, as if he would immediately change his expression if she didn’t kiss him.