The phone ringing awakened He Suye before six in the morning. As he answered, a girl on the other end urgently exclaimed, “Dr. Liu, come quickly! The patient in bed 18 is in critical condition!”
He immediately felt stunned. Just as he was about to tell her she had the wrong number, she apologized profusely, “I’m sorry, wrong number, wrong number!”
He hung up with a wry smile but couldn’t fall back asleep, so he got up.
In the late dawn of winter mornings, the sky was still grayish at nearly six. He dipped bread in hot milk, eating with one hand while flipping through his thesis with the other. His eyes scanned incessantly, feeling increasingly blocked. He sighed, “That Liu Jie is getting more and more sloppy. Doesn’t he fear the boss reprimanding him for submitting a thesis like this?
He casually crossed out large sections of useless content with a pen and called Liu Jie.
Liu Jie was sleeping like a log in the duty room, and the phone ringing startled him awake. Seeing it was He Suye, he started complaining, “Big Brother, are you having hormonal imbalance? Getting up so early!”
He Suye frowned. “What nonsense did you write in your thesis? No wonder you don’t dare to submit it to the boss yourself. Get your pen out, I’ll read it to you, and you’ll cross out whatever needs to go. No arguing. When I’m on duty, I’ll go to the inpatient department. Please give me a call when you’ve finished.
Liu Jie obediently complied, grinning. “I knew Big Brother couldn’t bear to see me in a tough spot.”
In the morning, he didn’t need to do ward rounds, but because he had prescribed some herbal supplements to certain patients, he needed to check on their progress and adjust their treatment accordingly.
As he stepped into the endocrine and metabolism ward, he found several doctors and nurses gathered, murmuring. One of them spotted He Suye and greeted him, “Dr. He, isn’t it strange? A patient who was fine yesterday suddenly took a turn for the worse today?”
He pondered for a moment. “Was it your ward that had the emergency this morning?”
“Indeed. It was a patient with thyroid ophthalmopathy, admitted just two days ago.”
“Thyroid ophthalmopathy leading to heart failure?”
Another doctor chimed in, “Could be. Nobody knew at the time. It was just for observation upon admission. But now, everyone’s afraid of lawsuits against the hospital. Ah you know, strange occurrences have been plaguing our department lately. Two patients within a week—one with thyroid ophthalmopathy, the other with heart and kidney failure. With New Year’s just around the corner, the whole ward feels gloomy and anxious.”
A young nurse piped up, recklessly, “At least it’s not another SARS outbreak. What’s this compared to that?”
He Suye’s heart skipped a beat. The expressions of the two experienced doctors changed abruptly, and the head nurse scolded the young nurse sternly, “Don’t talk nonsense. Do your job!”
From the ward entrance, a nurse shouted, “The director is here!” Promptly, everyone scattered. Shaking his head, He Suye headed straight to the duty room to find Liu Jie. SARS, the epidemic that had once terrified the nation, hadn’t been mentioned in a long time.
It was such a bleak year. Those who had worked in this hospital knew that everyone had been so close to death, both familiar and unfamiliar faces falling one after another. They incinerated their bodies along with any belongings. Everyone felt that they had truly existed, only to disappear without a trace.
The winter sunlight always seemed hazy, as if smeared on the sky but not penetrating the ward. He Suye looked up at the sky, feeling a sudden emptiness in his heart.
He thought he should go see his mother.
His alma mater was very close to the hospital, practically across the street. The school closed that year, prompting many students to attempt escaping over the back wall. However, they were caught, isolated, and eventually punished. He had once considered doing the same, not only because he hadn’t been home in a long time, but also because two of his closest family members were in this hospital.
He wasn’t afraid of the natural disaster; he simply wanted to check on their well-being at the hospital. However, it never materialized. The once lush ivy no longer adorned the mottled red walls, replaced by the scent of Chinese herbal medicine from the school pharmacy. The playground lay abandoned, covered in dry grass, reflecting the neglect of the old campus, now frequented mostly by graduate and doctoral students, with sparse human presence.
He knocked on the door and entered respectfully. “Professor Yang, I’ve brought Liu Jie’s thesis.”
The old man chuckled. “He Suye? Liu Jie probably didn’t dare to bring it himself, fearing I’d scold him. Come, sit down, and let’s talk.” Taking the thesis, he flipped through a couple of pages. “Liu Jie has improved quite a bit. Or rather, Xiao He, did you help him revise it?”
He Suye could only nod. The old man took off his glasses and asked carefully, “Are you not considering studying clinical medicine for your Ph.D.? Only focusing on switching to internal Chinese medicine, becoming a doctoral student under Gu Ping?”
He took a deep breath. “I’ve made up my mind. I’ve already talked to Professor Gu about it. I’ll probably start after the New Year.”
The old man sighed regretfully, shaking his head. “It’s a pity. A promising clinical talent like you was snatched away by Chinese medicine. Your grandfather must be delighted, but your father must be fuming.”
He smiled. “I’ve always wanted to study Chinese medicine, and it has nothing to do with my family.”
The old man nodded. “That’s good. Nowadays, few young people are studying Chinese medicine. If this continues, our country’s traditional medicine will disappear. We all know you’re very promising. Study hard!”
After chatting for a while, he got up to leave, but Professor Yang stopped him. “Oh, Xiao He, could you do me a favor?”
He Suye nodded. “Professor Yang, please tell me, I’ll do my best.”
The old man smiled. “Don’t be so nervous. It’s just a lecture by a professor from a university in the United States, but he’s very interested in Chinese medicine. I’ve already talked to Gu Ping. Could you handle this for me? Do you have the time?”
He smiled. “No problem, but remember to treat me to a meal!”
After finishing work at noon, He Suye went to the flower shop and finally bought some tulips after visiting several stores. He then took the bus to the outskirts.
The cemetery was a rarely visited place, but almost everyone would come here at some point in their lives. It was also the final resting place for many. So, people always hoped to visit as infrequently as possible, after all, seeing familiar faces depart was a sad and helpless thing.
He gazed at the tombstone for a long time, his mother smiling at him. In his memory, his mother always smiled.
“Suye, Mom, and Dad are going to work now. Be good and don’t run around at home. There’s bread and milk on the table if you get hungry.”
“Suye, it’s okay if you didn’t do well on the exam. Just work hard, okay? Don’t cry, be good!”
“Suye, Mom knows she hasn’t been there for you. Mom’s been too busy with work, no time to accompany you, not even time for your parent-teacher meetings. But Suye, you’ve grown up to be so sensible and outstanding, and Mom is very proud of you.”
His heart felt sour, his eyes reddening. He heard from the doctor that when his mother passed away, she was still smiling and said, “The person I’ve let down the most in my life is my son, Suye. Don’t blame your father, Suye. It was my choice. Don’t blame him.”
But he still blamed his father. There was a knot in his heart that grew tighter with time, and now he couldn’t untie it.
He placed the tulips down and reached out to touch the tombstone, which was spotless.
His thoughts were endless, once they started, they couldn’t be stopped.
“Mom, does Dad still come to see you twice a week? Do you know? I haven’t seen him for a long time. I don’t know if he’s okay. Do you know?”
“Mom, I’ve decided to study Chinese medicine, even though Dad wants me to specialize in cardiovascular medicine. Do you know? My first choice for the college entrance examination was Chinese medicine, but Dad changed it to integrated Chinese and Western medicine without my consent, which is why I hold a grudge against him.”
“Mom, I like Chinese medicine, probably because of Grandpa. When I was a kid, I loved watching him prepare Chinese herbal medicine and treat patients. One day, he sat me down in his rocking chair and said, ‘Suye, your name itself is a Chinese herbal medicine. Chinese medicine isn’t just about herbs; it’s also a field of study. Each herb has its taste and characteristics, bitter, sweet, sour, spicy, and pungent. They’re made into prescriptions, each with its taste and effect, but the intricate principles of healing, like life, are understood by few.'”
The afternoon sun suddenly faded, and a cold wind began to blow, with signs of rain looming. The petals of the tulips swayed in the wind as if signaling an impending shower.
He stood up, and smiled at the tombstone, “Mom, I’m leaving now.”
Instead of going home directly, he went to his grandfather’s house in the old city.
He Suye’s grandfather was a renowned old Chinese doctor, whose family lineage was said to date back to imperial physicians of the Ming and Qing dynasties. He had been the president of the Chinese Medicine University before being appointed as the director of the Health Bureau. After retiring, he had been leading a semi-retired life.
The name He Suye was given by him.
After entering the house, He Suye didn’t go straight to the study. He sniffed at the medicinal herbs drying in the courtyard one by one. It was Grandma He who first saw him. “Old man, Suye’s here!”
At this moment, He Suye was frowning at a certain medicinal herb, and Grandpa He stood behind him, reminding him, “It’s the root of a tulip. You’ve forgotten all these things, you brat!”
Feeling embarrassed, he muttered softly, “I rarely use this herb, mostly considering it as an ornamental plant.”
He Yeye chuckled and squatted down, picking up a piece and examining it in his hand. “Phlegm-dissipating Brain-clearing Pill and Qi-activating Diaphragm-relaxing Powder both contain this. It tastes bitter, is balanced, and non-toxic, promotes Qi circulation, resolves depression, cools blood, and breaks blood stasis. It treats various pains in the chest, abdomen, sides, and ribs, loss of consciousness, mania, fever-induced coma, hemoptysis, hematuria, and jaundice. Take a look, your knowledge is lacking, young man.”
He Suye said solemnly, “I plan to transfer to the Chinese Medicine College for my PhD, specializing in internal medicine, under the guidance of Gu Ping.”
He Yeye was surprised. “That old guy? The one who used to quarrel with me every day when he was young? He’s strict. His students used to call him the ‘Master of Extinguishing Dao’. Boy, you’ll have a hard time after you go!”
He Suye didn’t respond, just quietly looked at the tulip root in his hand and said softly, “Grandpa, I brought tulips to see Mom today.”
There was a long silence, and He Yeye stood up. “It’s been a long time since you’ve been home. Go see your dad too, although I’m his dad and your granddad, I can’t meddle in the affairs between you two. Although your dad has made many mistakes, but… sigh…”
He nodded but hesitated a bit. “I’ll go when I have time, Grandpa, don’t worry. I’m also at fault, but it’s hard to explain for a while.”
Grandma, He called from the living room, “Old and young, dinner’s ready. Suye, we have your favorite sweet and sour spare ribs today!”
He Yeye hurriedly collected the medicinal herbs and shouted at him, “Kid, it’s going to rain. Hurry up and bring in the herbs before you eat!”
He Suye felt like he had traveled back to his childhood all of a sudden. The courtyard was filled with medicinal herbs and the scent of honey pills. He remembered stealing honey and being punished by sun-drying herbs. Then one day it suddenly poured rain, and he and his grandparents scrambled to collect the herbs. Although the herbs weren’t soaked, he ended up drenched and caught a cold for a few days. But during those days, he had honey to eat every day.
The honey jar always ran out, but he believed that honey would never run out.
He Suye left very late, and it started to drizzle on the way.
After getting off the bus, he slowly walked in the rain, not in a hurry. He had a tiring and oppressive day, with past events replaying in his mind repeatedly, leaving him feeling somewhat defeated. He wanted to stand in the rain and clear his mind.
Suddenly, a blue umbrella blocked his view. He turned around and saw Shen Xifan smiling awkwardly as she explained, “Hey, He Suye, you’re too tall. The umbrella doesn’t reach you. What are you doing standing there? Didn’t you see I’m struggling to hold it up!”
Her slightly damp bangs fell over her forehead, and her face was full of smiles. She was wearing a blue cotton coat, jeans, and sneakers, holding a large bouquet of tulips in her left hand, all purple, and struggling to hold up the umbrella with her right hand.
He quickly took the umbrella from her, feeling something slowly melting in his heart.
Every time he saw Shen Xifan, he felt that she was very happy, at least carefree. He envied her a bit. Shen Xifan liked to smile. Even when she was sick, she had a smile on her face, as if saying, “It’s okay, I’ll get better soon. It’s nothing serious.”
Her smile amidst the bouquet of tulips was truly beautiful.
He suddenly felt that the bouquet was very eye-catching, and he blurted out, “Who gave them to you?”
Shen Xifan was taken aback, then smirked, “Who gave them? The hotel just hosted a birthday party for a rich girl, and there were leftover tulips, so I took them. How does it look?”
He Suye smiled. It was his first genuine smile of the day. “Very beautiful!”
She used her hand to push half of the bouquet towards him. “If you like them, take half. It’s free anyway!”
He tilted the umbrella towards her, shielding her firmly. “Girls don’t give flowers to guys. Silly!”
Shen Xifan looked at He Suye, then at herself, and chuckled awkwardly, “That’s better. He Suye, you take the flowers first, then give half to me, and say, ‘Miss Shen Xifan, please accept this.’ That way, it’s reasonable and proper!”
Consequently, he brought half of the tulips home, feeling somewhat silly. However, for the first time, he took great care of the bouquet, finding a vase, watering them, and even adding a vitamin C tablet. Despite his cluelessness about plants, he had never cared much for flowers and grass, unable to keep even a cactus alive.
But he hoped that the bouquet of tulips would last a little longer. When they withered, he planned to dry their petals and make bookmarks out of them. They should be beautiful.
His mother also loved tulips. Coincidentally, her name was Yu Niexiang.
He began to ponder whether he should have a good talk with his father, about himself and the future.
In the corner, holding up that blue umbrella, Shen Xifan’s home was originally in Unit 7, Building 301 of Block F. She had a seemingly amiable father who would tell him to drink some herbal tea to avoid catching a cold and a gossipy mother who was said to be going through menopause. It seemed like a very ordinary yet happy family.
Sometimes, when he was younger, he would wonder what it would be like if his parents weren’t the director and the head nurse. Would he not have to cook for himself, bid his parents goodnight to an empty house, or awkwardly explain to teachers why no one came to parent-teacher meetings? But he learned to accept reality at a very young age.
It wasn’t resignation. He knew that independence was something he would learn sooner or later, and there wasn’t much difference between learning it sooner or later.
He was a mature and sensible child.
But he had once hoped that one day, his home would be lively, filled with the laughter of his parents. Now, it seemed like an extravagant wish. He felt that the sense of family happiness Shen Xifan exuded was what he lacked and what he longed for.
He wanted to get closer to her, to absorb her warmth.