The days that followed were as exhausting as ever, with countless classes, reports, and papers pushing Shen Xifan’s emotions to their lowest point. She had been warned that Cornell was a “university that deprived four years of sleep,” but only she knew the true taste of that pain.
In January, the weather suddenly turned cold, with fierce gusts of wind. The once bustling and lively campus became unusually quiet as if in harmony with the weather, casting a gloomy and melancholic shadow over her.
In two days, it would be Chinese New Year, but there was no festive atmosphere in the small town of Ithaca, New York. There were no red lanterns, no firecrackers, no crowds bustling around buying New Year goods, and no dumplings or sweet rice balls.
No family, no blessings, and no company made the days feel like years.
The sky over Ithaca was tinged with a dull gray, with a hint of snow in the air but no flakes falling, pressing heavily on her heart. Such weather was truly lonely and desolate.
Days like these were only fit for sinking into deep sleep, not for discussing tedious planning schemes in a classroom.
She furrowed her brows involuntarily as a voice suddenly interrupted her thoughts, “Serena, what do you think about this plan?”
For a moment, her mind went blank, pulled back to the materials in front of her. She gathered her thoughts and slowly spoke, covering everything from international chain hotel culture to management, and finally supplemented with some concepts of Chinese hotel management.
The team leader pondered for a moment and nodded, “Well said, but we rarely hear you speak up. The points you mentioned about hotel culture were excellent. How about you lead the discussion next time?”
Looking at the expectant gazes of her teammates, she awkwardly smiled and agreed.
There was still an exam on Friday, preparations for new courses starting next week, and the CareerTracks paper was yet to be completed. Now, adding a discussion leadership role was just the icing on the cake.
After the group meeting ended, her exhausted body and restless emotions made her feel on the verge of collapse.
Back in her dorm, she brewed herself a cup of tea and sat by the window, a pile of reference materials spread out on the table, not knowing where to start. She absentmindedly opened her computer, with constant New Year wishes flooding her MSN and QQ. Former colleagues and friends sent beautiful pictures and warm or funny New Year greetings, filling the screen.
She suddenly realized that today was New Year’s Eve.
But she hadn’t received a greeting from He Suye. Perhaps he was still at the institute, perhaps he wouldn’t even go back tonight. He had told her that the project had reached a critical point, and maybe he didn’t have much time to spare for her. She had felt a small pang of disappointment at that time but still reassured him to focus on his research because that was the most important thing.
She called home, with the sound of crackling firecrackers in the background. Shen’s mother shouted excitedly, “Fanfan, Mom and Dad miss you so much! Your dad has been talking about you these days, and your grandparents are asking when you’ll come back.”
Her eyes welled up with tears as she hurriedly replied, “I’ll be back in half a year, very soon.”
Shen’s mother sighed, “Okay, let’s not talk about it. It’s New Year’s Eve, Fanfan, remember to eat dumplings tonight. You won’t be without those, right? How about sweet rice balls? Oh, can you watch the Spring Festival Gala there?”
Of course, she couldn’t say that they had none of those things here. Shen Xifan nodded hastily, “Okay, okay, everything’s here, Mom, don’t worry. I’ll eat well! And we have the Spring Festival Gala, it’s streamed online. Help me wish Grandpa and Grandma a Happy New Year. Well, that’s it, gotta go!”
Hanging up the phone, her mind was filled with images of the New Year. She remembered last year’s New Year’s Eve when she had drunk too much and said things to He Suye that she couldn’t even verify. The whole family had been together, so lively and happy. How blissful it had been.
Suddenly, her roommate called out to her, “Serena, there’s a package for you. I forgot to tell you, it’s on the kitchen table.”
She was extremely curious and quickly got up to retrieve it. Upon careful inspection of the address and name, she was astonished to find He Suye’s English name listed as the sender.
She carefully opened the small box and was greeted by a delicate accessory. A black crystal, surrounded by tiny white crystals, emitted a dazzling light under the dim lamp.
Only after taking it out did she realize it was a scarf clip, remarkably similar to the one she had broken before. She remembered He Suye consoling her that night, saying they could buy another one in the future.
Her response at the time had been that it was a gift from her grandmother, brought from France decades ago, and now she didn’t even know if it was available in the United States. But he had found one so similar for her.
At the bottom of the box was his message, “Happy Lunar New Year, take care of yourself and rest well.”
A slight curve formed at the corner of her mouth, sweet and content, as she carefully placed the scarf clip back into the gift box. Then, picking up the delivery slip, she looked at the familiar handwriting, gently touching it, as if it still held his warmth.
Hastily, she ran to her computer to leave him a message. She typed a few words, then deleted them, unable to find the right words to describe her feelings. In the end, she settled for, “Happy New Year! The scarf clip is very beautiful, thank you, I love it. Also, take care of yourself and don’t overwork.” She sighed and her gaze involuntarily drifted back to the beautifully packaged little box.
She pursed her lips, smiling gently—how much time had he spent searching for such a small thing?
Outside the window, the sky remained a dull gray, but the shining lights made her feel warm. The orange light pierced through the darkness, reflecting with the light on the desk, like lovers gazing at each other from a distance.
But the QQ avatar hadn’t been active for a long time, and she experienced a brief hope followed by long-lasting disappointment.
So, she buried that longing deep inside and numbed herself with work and study.
Friday’s exam didn’t go well; Shen Xifan constantly felt like someone was singing in her ear, distracting her, and she couldn’t even spell several specialized words in a row. In the end, she hastily handed in the paper, leaving her fate to chance.
Though Saturday’s group discussion went relatively smoothly, during the defense, she was bombarded with sharp questions from her teammates, nearly driving her to a breakdown. In the end, she could only wrap it up hastily.
Her paper also ran into problems. Despite burning the midnight oil for several nights, using all available resources, and revising the paper over and over again, when she submitted it, her advisor shook his head and made a big mark, “Not professional enough!”
It was about theoretical aspects of administrative management, and she immediately felt speechless. The theoretical knowledge of management majors was too abstract; even she sometimes couldn’t understand it. After all, she didn’t come from a management background, and the simpler explanations were deemed not professional enough.
Shen Xifan completely lost her temper, obediently returning to the library to continue searching for materials. As she read on, the letters in front of her seemed to dance, becoming increasingly incomprehensible. Fatigue washed over her, and her body leaned forward uncontrollably.
Hovering on the edge of drowsiness and confusion, she accidentally knocked her head against the thick edge of a book, the pain causing her to gasp and fully awaken.
Rubbing the sore spot, intending to continue reading, she heard a chuckle behind her. Turning around, she saw Lin Yishen standing there with a bag and several books in his arms, his eyes fixed on her paper.
Shen Xifan didn’t even want to lift her eyelids, sighing heavily. “Busy here, please don’t disturb.”
Lin Yishen didn’t leave either, quickly scanning through the paper and then asking, “Where did it go wrong?”
“The theoretical part of Operations Management!” She weakly supported her head, absentmindedly spinning her pen. “The advisor said it’s not professional, not professional! If I were professional, I wouldn’t be studying MMH; I’d switch to an MBA.”
Lin Yishen laughed, “It’s just this little thing. Why didn’t you say so earlier? Maybe you wouldn’t have overlooked this older brother with a professional background. This theoretical knowledge is too demanding for you guys, but it’s a piece of cake for us. Here’s the deal, give me a copy of your paper, and I’ll take a look.”
Shen Xifan thought about it and agreed. With her strength, making the theoretical part of the paper perfect was almost an impossible task. She nodded, promptly copying all the materials for him.
Seeing her vacant expression, Lin Yishen sighed. “After staying up for so many nights, your advisor lacks empathy. Anyway, I’ll go take a look now. You go back to sleep, and I’ll come find you once it’s done.”
Feeling exhausted, with no energy left in her body, she still forced herself to stay awake, amusing herself, “With exams and papers back to back these days, I feel like I’ve aged ten years.”
Lin Yishen, not amused, said grumpily, “You look like you’ve just been dug out of the ground. Alright, go back quickly. I’ll come find you later.”
She nodded, picked up her bag, waved, and left the library. Along the way, the bone-chilling cold wrapped around her tightly like a net, making her shiver. Looking up at the sky, the gray light of Ithaca was getting darker, as if it was about to snow.
Lin Yishen watched her leave, sighing softly, before returning to his original seat and taking out his computer. It took him a while to return to reality. “That girl at first glance looks like your girlfriend!”
“What girlfriend? When did I have a girlfriend?” He looked at his roommate with suspicion.
“Hey! Don’t deny it. The one who came to see you last Christmas, petite and exquisite.”
“She’s not my girlfriend. I told you it’s none of your business.” Meeting his friend’s skeptical gaze again, he sighed, “It’s hard to explain in a few words, but I’m also at fault. Alright!”
His friend continued to gossip relentlessly, “Is the little junior sister you mentioned before the same girl just now? Strange, they look alike!”
Lin Yishen pointed to his computer, “Work, work. Stop gossiping, or you’ll get scolded for not completing the report!”
After what seemed like a long time of sleep, she felt extremely hot all over, but subconsciously felt cold and shivered. In a deep and shallow dream, blank but still retaining a hint of consciousness in reality.
She only knew that her roommate had come to open the door and left, then she heard the faint “swish swish” sound, soft as if the melody of falling snow.
After a long time, the doorbell rang urgently, and Shen Xifan suddenly woke up, opening her eyes. The room was pitch black, and she groped around for her shoes. As soon as her feet touched the ground, her head throbbed painfully. Someone outside shouted, “Shen Xifan, are you there!”
It was Lin Yishen—she responded with a vague “yeah” and stumbled to open the door, seeing Lin Yishen standing outside, water dripping from his hair, breathing slightly heavily. “Why did you take so long to answer the door? There’s no light in the dorm. I thought something happened to you.”
She murmured in a daze, “Huh, is it raining?”
“Indeed, it’s snowing!” Lin Yishen stepped inside and casually flipped the switch, illuminating the room. Shen Xifan squinted as she looked out the window. “It’s snowing!”
He smiled, raising the documents in his hand. “I’ve organized everything. Take a look. If there’s anything you don’t understand, I’ll explain it to you. It’s better to be prepared, in case the advisor asks you something you can’t answer.”
Shen Xifan breathed a sigh of relief. “Brother, I promise to give you red eggs and burn incense for you on holidays in the future. And some cured meat and sausages too. You’re not a vegetarian, are you?”
“Big mouth!” Lin Yishen reached out to poke her head, but when his fingers touched her, they felt warmer than usual. He quickly withdrew his hand and asked, “Shen Xifan, are you running a fever?”
She touched her head and nodded. “No wonder I feel cold. I do have a slight fever.”
“Lie down!” Lin Yishen frowned. “You’re an adult but have no self-awareness. You don’t take care of yourself properly. What has your advisor been putting you through? Staying up for nights?”
“I’m fine, just a little feverish. Why are you making such a fuss!” Shen Xifan’s stubbornness resurfaced. “Let me see the paper; I still need to revise it tonight. It’s due tomorrow!”
Before she could finish her sentence, she felt dizzy, her heart racing and unable to bear it. She felt her blood vessels expanding rapidly, so she had to press down on her chest and take a deep breath to feel a little better.
Lin Yishen was frightened. “Shen Xifan, what’s wrong with you? Are you okay? Should I take you to the hospital?”
She nodded. “Let me lie down for a while, catch my breath. My heart doesn’t feel right.”
CVI Research Institute, University of Pennsylvania.
The laboratory and data room were brightly lit, with data scrolling on computer screens, simulated images flying by, and complaints in various languages occasionally heard. “Wrong again! Damn data!”
He Su Ye was fully focused on the computer when suddenly his right eye twitched uncontrollably.
Perhaps he was too tired. For almost half a month, he had slept for only three days, and even lying in bed was a luxury, let alone sleeping. Everyone worked tirelessly for the research results of the project, and he hadn’t contacted Shen Xifan for a long time.
Not that he didn’t want to, but he couldn’t.
Suddenly, the phone rang in the silence, like it was right next to his ear, ringing repeatedly with no one picking up. It felt like there were thousands of words he wanted to say but couldn’t express his anxiety.
Someone next door called him, “He, your phone!”
He was startled and quickly stood up. After answering, he heard a familiar voice, restrained with some anger. “He Su Ye, what are you busy with?”
He was surprised but more worried. “Lin Yishen! What’s wrong? Has something happened?”
“Shen Xifan has a fever and is feeling uncomfortable in her heart. What’s going on? Should we take her to the hospital?”
His professional instinct reminded him of those terrible diseases, and his mind went blank for a moment. A chill ran through his body. At that moment, it felt like a huge stone was smashing down on his heart, shaking it. He felt a sense of panic. His voice suddenly became hoarse, “Is she in the dorm now? Besides these symptoms, does she have vomiting, difficulty breathing, or anything like that?”
“There are no other symptoms for now. She’s lying in bed and has fallen asleep. I saw her today, and her complexion was particularly poor like she’d been staying up for several nights.”
He let out a long sigh of relief, but the tense string still refused to relax. “Got it. I’ll come over right away!”
Lin Yishen was stunned. “It’s snowing heavily here, and it’s so late…”
Before he could finish his sentence, He Su Ye’s decisive voice interrupted him. “It’s okay. Keep an eye on her for me. If there’s any problem, take her to the hospital immediately. I’ll be there soon!”
After hanging up the phone, he found his palms were sweaty, and his hands and feet were numb. He moved them several times before regaining feeling, quickly briefed someone on his work progress, put on his coat, and left the research institute.
The sky was gloomy, pressing down on his heart. His breathing became erratic, and he had only one thought in his mind: Shen Xifan, please don’t have any accidents, please, I’ll be there soon.
In the endless darkness and loneliness, the howling wind and the sound of falling snow filled his ears. Time seemed to stretch on endlessly in her drowsy consciousness. In her dream, that person walked in the snow, still with those handsome features, but exuding a chilling aura, devoid of life.
Desperately, she ran towards him, a chilling fear gripping her thoughts. The distance between them felt close enough to touch, yet she couldn’t reach him. She watched him slowly disappear, even his footprints vanishing as if he had never been there.
Calling out his name, she begged him not to leave her alone, despair filling the space with her longing.
The vast expanse of the sky and earth offered no response. There was only the relentless fall of the deep white snow, and the harsh, desolate sound of the wind made her ears ache. She was left standing alone in the snow, not knowing where to go.
She didn’t even know how tears could flow, as if she had already become numb.
Slowly, letter by letter, she heard that anxious, low, and mellow voice, “Wake up, girl, what’s wrong?”
With a slight warmth, liquid trickled down from the corner of his eye, falling into his temples. In his hazy sight, the man furrowed his brow, his eyes filled with worry and anxiety.
Words failed him as tears flowed uncontrollably. It wasn’t just because of the nightmare he had just experienced; it was the culmination of days of depression and longing. His embrace remained as warm as ever, but all she could think was why she always seemed so fragile and tearful in front of him.
Outside the window, the heavy snow dyed the night sky a beautiful shade of blue, like the most delicate feathers drifting gracefully from the wings of white birds, utterly indescribable in its beauty.
Everything in the world became vivid and beautiful, all because of the man before her. At that moment, she finally understood just how important he was to her.
After she calmed down, He Su Ye asked, “How many days has it been since you slept? This fever from overexertion—when Lin Yishen described your condition over the phone, it startled me.”
“Lin Yishen?” Shen Xifan widened her eyes. “He called you? How does he know you?”
“Because I’m the cousin of his aunt’s son-in-law’s nephew,” Lin Yishen walked in, grinning. “Surprised, huh? Turns out we’re distant relatives.”
Shen Xifan looked to He Su Ye for help. He nodded. “I’m not entirely sure of our exact relation, but that’s the situation.”
No wonder she had seen them chatting intimately at the hotel before, and whenever Lin Yishen mentioned “your boyfriend” to her, it was always with a mischievous smile. So, this was it—she scrutinized the two of them. “There’s quite a resemblance!”
Lin Yishen chuckled. “The real boyfriend’s here now, so I’ll take my leave. Don’t want to be a third wheel.”
He Su Ye held Shen Xifan back. “You lie down first; I’ll see him off.”
At the staircase, Lin Yishen waved. “No need to see me off. Take good care of her. No need to thank me too much!”
He Su Ye smiled, a mix of apology and gratitude evident in his expression. “Thank you.”
Lin Yishen pursed his lips, hesitated, then sighed softly. “Forget it. We’ve already cleared things up before I go abroad. Hope you won’t forget!”
His eyes were clear, his voice gentle yet firm. “I will make her happy.”
Lin Yishen watched the snow outside, a smile lingering on his lips, profound and relieved.
Back inside, Shen Xifan asked, “How did Lin Yishen find you? Don’t you live in a dorm without a phone?”
He shrugged nonchalantly. “He asked around and went straight to the institute.”
Shen Xifan lowered her head. “I’m sorry, He Su Ye. I’m such a troublemaker. I apologized.
Unexpectedly, a gentle kiss landed on her forehead, overflowing with tenderness. He brushed her hair gently, looking straight into her eyes. “It should be me apologizing.”
What was supposed to be a tranquil, heartwarming moment was interrupted by her growling stomach. She felt embarrassed. He Su Ye chuckled, ruffling her hair. “Get dressed, let’s eat.”
Perhaps due to the recent fever, the plain congee had no taste to her. She could only manage half a bowl before feeling unable to swallow more. He Su Ye insisted, “Eat a bit more. You’ll need to take medicine later, and an empty stomach isn’t good for absorbing it.”
She became curious. “What medicine am I taking? Do I need it now that the fever’s gone?”
“You have a fever from overexertion. Didn’t I tell you not to overdo it? Your health wasn’t good, to begin with, and now it’s worse after pushing yourself!” He Su Ye’s concern showed as he furrowed his brow deeper.
She inquired further. “What medicine am I taking this time?”
“Gui Pi Tang nourishes the heart and spleen, invigorates Qi, and promotes blood circulation. It contains astragalus, poria, white atractylodes, licorice, longan, dang gui, yuan zhi, agarwood, and goji berries.” He Su Ye sighed. “Just go sleep for a while; I’ll wake you up when it’s time for your medicine.”
“But where did you get these medicines? Do they have Chinese medicine in the US?”
“In Chinatown, there are Chinese pharmacies, and traditional Chinese medicine is quite popular among the Chinese community there. Oh, by the way, today is the third day of the Chinese New Year. When I went to Chinatown, it was very lively.”
She chuckled lightly, a bit childish. “Are there candied haws, steaming hot dumplings, and tangyuan? Will there be lion dances and Long Dances, as well as couplets and the character ‘福’?”
“Feeling homesick, aren’t you?” He Su Ye took her hand. “If you want to go, I’ll take you, but celebrating the New Year in China has a different atmosphere.”
However, Shen Xifan felt a twinge in her heart. Although the words were on the tip of her tongue, she didn’t know how to express herself. She simply picked up a herb called dang gui, held it in her palm, and softly said, “Just wait another half a year, then I’ll be like this herb. What about you?”
“Silly girl!” He Su Ye smiled reassuringly. “What do you think?”
Dang Gui, dang gui—”The weary traveler longs for home, most fond of the old dwelling,” she couldn’t help but fall in love with the name.
Whoever it was in ancient times who named this herb, whether it was a loving mother longing for her child’s return or a devoted wife yearning for her husband’s return, regardless of who it was, such sentiment, such longing, reached the depths of her heart.
Perhaps truly exhausted or perhaps due to the effects of the Chinese medicine, drowsiness quickly overwhelmed her. In a haze, she felt a soft kiss on her lips, chuckled lightly, and drifted back to sleep.
And so, a dreamless night passed.
The next day, she was awakened by the morning light.
The pure white snow, illuminated by the bright sun, emitted a faint halo, so pure, so flawless. Shen Xifan breathed a sigh of relief, feeling inexplicably relaxed all over.
But how did He Su Ye manage to come here in such heavy snow last night?
The kitchen emitted a delightful aroma, the rich scent of rice. It interrupted her thoughts, and she hurriedly slipped on her shoes and ran to the kitchen, only to find He Su Ye holding a bowl and chopsticks. When he saw her, he asked, “Up already? How are you feeling now?”
She touched her forehead, relieved. “I’m fine now, feeling much better. What did you make? It smells so good!”
“It’s vegetable porridge.” He Su Ye lifted the lid, enticing Shen Xifan to take several deep breaths. He couldn’t help but smile. “Don’t get lost in the aroma; go freshen up.”
The vegetable porridge was refreshing and flavorful. She finished one bowl and added another, while He Su Ye watched her with a smile. “No need to eat so fast; be careful not to upset your stomach.”
Because he made it himself, it tasted especially delicious.
He felt like he hadn’t done enough for her, felt like he wasn’t good enough for her. He always harbored doubts and fears about their future, and this illness was born from his inner demons.
The heavy workload wasn’t the real issue; the self-imposed solitary life akin to a monk’s was merely a shameful manifestation of loneliness. She was suffering from lovesickness. It was because of longing that she felt lonely, fearful, restless, helpless, and out of control, and he was the medicine to cure her.
If he owed her a lot of love, then he would spend a lifetime repaying it.
Setting down her chopsticks, she looked at him with stubbornness and sincerity in her eyes, and gently told him, word by word, “He Su Ye, I want… I want to be with you forever.”
His hand holding the chopsticks trembled slightly, and then there was the crisp sound of utensils clinking together. A complex emotion welled up in his eyes—joy, touch, or perhaps something else. Shen Xifan couldn’t discern it, she just let him stand up and come over to her, then gently embraced her.
He Su Ye whispered a single word in her ear, which felt more moving and sincere than any vows or promises.
He said, “Yes.”
A promise for a lifetime.
In this winter, far from home, she finally understood that in the world of love, happiness would always follow, and in the world of love, there would always be enduring love and mutual support.
In the prime of her life, she met him, fell in love with him, and then decided to stay with him.
At this moment, there were no more regrets in this fulfilled life.