Mu Jing kept her eyes closed, pretending the lights were already off.
Unable to see Qu Hua’s face, her sensations were especially vivid. As Qu Hua moved above her, her fingers touched the sweat on his forehead, making him seem more human. He was working so hard that she convinced herself he was serving her—she was the one taking advantage. Sometimes she felt like Ah Q, but this mindset worked well, providing her with both physical and psychological comfort.
Qu Hua’s fingers examined Mu Jing’s body, and though she feared he might want more, he said, “Don’t you have surgery today? We shouldn’t let work suffer. Besides, aren’t you coming back tonight?”
“Do you want me to come back?”
“No, I want you to stay at the hospital forever—is that what you want to hear?” Qu Hua’s fingers betrayed his passion for Mu Jing. Though he had scrambled her thoughts, she still had to focus on answering his questions. “Perhaps because you don’t like me, everything I do is wrong. Smiling at the dinner table is fake, showing passion is frivolous. When I see you, I want to show my best side, but you find that fake too. I don’t know what to do anymore. Perhaps the more I try to be good, the more foolish I appear. Why don’t you tell me what kind of person you like, so I can learn, instead of going further down the wrong path?”
Mu Jing spoke with little pretense this time, though her purpose differed—she made it sound as if she liked Qu Hua so much she didn’t know what to do. Because some truth mixed with her words, her tone carried genuine sadness.
“Remember, no matter what, my feelings for you won’t be less than yours for me. I have this illusion that you used to like me a bit more.”
“Really?” Mu Jing didn’t quite believe him unless he meant she had no feelings for him at all—then indeed, his wouldn’t be less than hers. As for before, his quick investigation of her files had surprised her, but she remembered nothing else.
Qu Hua confirmed Mu Jing’s response with actions.
The next day, Mu Jing collected the bloodstained sheets and replaced them with new ones.
She stuffed the old sheets into a box. She had heard of unmarried couples who had been intimate, where the woman, fearing the man wouldn’t take responsibility, kept the sheets from their first time as evidence. Back then, she had found it laughable—if there was so little trust, why be intimate at all? Now she found herself equally laughable; if her mother knew, she might consider her a disgrace to the family. However, to protect against Qu Hua potentially wanting a divorce and slandering her as experienced before marriage, she had to take precautions.
She didn’t think Qu Hua would stoop so low, but she dared not trust him completely. Except for herself, she dared trust no one.
In all the days since her marriage, today was Mu Jing’s first day as a true bride. When she woke up, her face hadn’t completely lost its flush. Because of their intimacy last night and this morning, she acted very reserved toward Qu Hua during breakfast, not actively serving him food.
With Old Qu present at breakfast, Mu Jing volunteered to care for Grandmother at the hospital, saying family care was better than strangers’.
Old Qu said her work should come first.
Mu Jing explained that students were currently learning in factories, so she didn’t need to teach for a few days. Rather than worry about Grandmother’s condition at school, she might as well care for her directly at the hospital. She caught a fleeting smile at the corner of Qu Hua’s mouth—certainly not one of approval. He must have been smocking her fawning; his face had shown the same smile when he proposed.
She guessed Qu Hua didn’t think much of her, which was why he had proposed so casually. Yet when he mentioned who his father was, her eyes had betrayed her by lighting up. She only realized her slip when she saw that same smile at the corner of his mouth. She quickly resumed her previous expression. If she had valued her dignity, she should have delayed, at least waited until the next day to answer. Instead, she had agreed immediately, not even pretending to need time to consider, fearing he might regret asking if she didn’t accept right then.
On her wedding day, she had briefly envied Yan Yan, envied being loved so deeply. Just because she, Fang Mu Jing, resembled her, Qu Hua had arranged everything so carefully on the train. Because of this resemblance, he had married someone of questionable class background into his family.
Thinking of this, she smiled, at herself and Qu Hua. She knew he didn’t quite believe her words, but that didn’t stop him from doing this and that with her. Such superficial love wasn’t worth envying. His love meant little, and his contempt even less.
Old Qu approved Mu Jing’s request to care for Grandmother at the hospital, adding that they would keep the nurse, so she could return to work whenever needed.
Mu Jing smiled and said, “I won’t bring shame to our family through my work.”
Her alma mater’s computer science department had moved to the Third Front. Though conditions there were harsh, it was where her talents could be best utilized. Her unreliable background had previously prevented her from participating in key projects, but now things were different—as Qu’s daughter-in-law, her reliability was indirectly proven. Since Old Qu could take in Fang Mu Yang to save someone, he would surely approve of her joining the Third Front development. Whether Qu Hua agreed seemed less important.
Qu Hua told his father, “Let Old Yang drive Mu Jing—she needs to bring things for Grandmother.” Old Yang was Old Qu’s driver.
Old Qu usually strongly opposed using official vehicles for private purposes, rarely allowing family members to use the car except for hospital visits during illness. Although his son was disobedient, he hadn’t tried to take advantage of his position. To help his son bond with the proletariat, he had specifically sent him to a neighborhood primary school. When filling out parent occupation forms, Qu Hua wrote that his father was a cook. When he used to drive to parent-teacher meetings, his son firmly refused to let him park at the entrance.
This time when Qu Hua suggested having Old Yang drive Mu Jing to the hospital, Old Qu didn’t object. But Mu Jing said she could take the bus.
Qu Hua told Mu Jing, “Isn’t your waist sore? Don’t try to be tough.”
“Not at all.” Mu Jing almost blushed at his words—wasn’t he the cause of her sore waist? She quickly said, “I’ll go prepare what I need to bring.”
Qu Hua smiled at Mu Jing: “My most filial act was probably bringing home such a filial daughter-in-law.” This morning she could barely get out of bed from soreness, yet as soon as she rose, she was off to play the role of dutiful daughter-in-law.
Qu Hua didn’t ride with Mu Jing, taking his bicycle instead. He wasn’t used to taking advantage of his father’s position—doing so would invite lectures.
Qu Hua’s surgical sutures were beautiful that day. After surgery, Dr. Zhao casually opened his senior’s drawer, took out the cigarette box, lit a Zhonghua for his senior, and took one for himself. He usually couldn’t afford Zhonghua cigarettes, only enjoying them through his senior’s generosity.
Dr. Zhao happily blew a smoke ring and said to Qu Hua beside him, “Senior, you’re in a good mood today? Did sister-in-law cook something special for you last night?”
Knowing Dr. Zhao’s informal nature, Qu Hua just smoked while looking out the window.
“I’ll cover your night shift tonight—I’m just a bachelor anyway.” Dr. Zhao thoughtfully volunteered, knowing Qu Hua had finally had his wedding night yesterday after days of accompanying Grandmother and working night shifts.
Qu Hua extinguished his cigarette in the ashtray, “Never mind, go home and keep your mother company.”