The midday light filtered through gaps in the curtains, casting a faint, ethereal beam.

Light merged with dust particles in the air, breaking into fragments, and dancing like sprites in every corner of the room.

The bedding had been newly changed by Madam Qiao before the New Year. Though she usually preferred plain colors, to match the festive New Year atmosphere, she had specifically laid out light red bedding on New Year’s Eve. Xia Xia stared sideways at the yellow and white tulip patterns on the bed sheets, embroidered stitch by stitch, which scratched against her back with the slightest movement.

Xia Xia covered her eyes with the back of her hand, softly sobbing.

She cried not from pain or sadness, but from an outburst of long-accumulated emotions, more like acting spoiled and emotional.

Xie Huai’s mind was foggy, unable to discern anything. He placed his hand by her lips: “If it hurts, bite me.”

Xia Xia couldn’t bear to bite him, instead pressing her lips against his palm in a gentle kiss.

Xie Huai was sweating profusely, drops running down his temples, making his skin slick, as if he’d just emerged from a sauna.

He buried his chin in the space between the girl’s neck and pillow, dampening the stray hairs by her ear.

“Are you uncomfortable?” he asked softly.

Xia Xia couldn’t speak, shaking her head and tilting up to kiss him.

The young man’s body temperature was scorching, like heated stone or iron.

Just looking at him like this made Xia Xia feel her heart was full.

Xia Xia’s stomach growled with hunger, and Xie Huai got up to get her porridge.

Xia Xia tightly hugged him from behind, like a clingy cat: “Hold me a little longer.”

Xie Huai laughed softly: “Hold you longer and aren’t you afraid something will happen?”

“Not afraid, you wouldn’t dare.” Xia Xia snuggled closer into his embrace, her dependence obvious.

The girl was soft like a doll, and incredibly obedient when quiet. Xie Huai’s heart melted: “Taking advantage of Brother Huai’s love for you, aren’t you?”

“Mom said she dreamed last night that you and I broke up.”

Whenever Xie Huai mentioned Madam Qiao to her, he called her “Mom” rather than “my mom.” At first, Xia Xia found it strange but grew used to it over time. From the beginning, Xie Huai had prepared to bring her into his life – everything he had, completely and without reservation, he shared with her.

Xia Xia thought Xie Huai could even give her his mother, but what did she have?

This question couldn’t be pondered too deeply – the more she thought about it, the more dejected she became.

“Dreams are opposite to reality, what nonsense about breaking up.” Seeing her distracted, Xie Huai pinched her nose disapprovingly, “You’ve slept with Brother Huai, you better take responsibility for me for life.”

Xia Xia didn’t speak. Xie Huai lowered his head and fiercely bit her lip: “Did you hear me?”

Xia Xia made a few muffled sounds, pressing her lips together without speaking. Xie Huai gripped her chin, repeating: “Did you hear me?”

Xia Xia said softly: “I heard.”

The room’s windows were tightly closed, and the heating temperature set high, making the air stale after a while.

Xie Huai jumped out of bed to ventilate and went to get the preserved vegetable porridge warming on the radiator.

“Weren’t you hungry?” He cradled the porridge bowl like a child carefully holding their favorite snack, “I’ll feed you.”

Xia Xia wanted to eat by herself, but Xie Huai wouldn’t allow it, stubbornly scooping up a spoonful and bringing it to her mouth: “Let me do it, feeding my wife is a husband’s duty, you can’t compete with me for this.”

Xia Xia nearly spat out her first mouthful of porridge. She glared at him, but Xie Huai just smiled, part shameless, part carefree and unrestrained.

Xia Xia couldn’t help thinking of their recent intimacy, her face slightly reddening. After finishing the porridge, she wrapped herself in the blanket and pretended to sleep.

Xie Huai wouldn’t let her close her eyes, clingy and affectionate as he held her and talked, childish like a kindergartener just released from school.

Xia Xia was uncomfortable by his rough handling, originally not wanting to get up, but Xie Huai’s words became increasingly inappropriate, progressing from the somewhat restrained “Was it good?” to gradually more open “Let’s do it again tonight” and finally eagerly discussing which positions were fun.

Xia Xia listened until her face and ears burned red, the tips of her ears hot as she got up to shower.

This time Xie Huai didn’t stop her, sitting on the bed watching her with a smile.

The wind stirred the curtains, drying the sweat on his body as he lazily leaned against the headboard, displaying his lean yet beautiful muscles.

Full of youthful charm, and equally full of security.

Xia Xia looked back, asking: “What are you smiling about?”

Xie Huai straightened up: “Am I smiling?”

He touched the corners of his mouth, finding they were indeed curved upward. He gazed at Xia Xia: “I don’t know either.”

He couldn’t explain what he was smiling about, only felt that this kind of life, this kind of scene was something he had never dared to imagine, but when it actually appeared, he realized in a daze that past hardships meant nothing, tribulations meant nothing, and no matter how difficult life became, he could grit his teeth and endure.

– As long as she was by his side, everything was worthwhile.

Young people, once having tasted pleasure, naturally become obsessed with all fresh delights.

Besides visiting the hospital to accompany Madam Qiao, Xie Huai barely left home. He ordered takeout for meals and drinks, had delivery workers help take out the trash, and seemed to have endless energy each day, all focused on Xia Xia.

– Watching movies, playing on phones, chatting, discussing plans.

No matter where they were or what they were doing, most activities ended up in bed.

If not in bed, then certainly on the sofa, carpet, bathroom, or kitchen counter. With just the two of them at home, they could draw the curtains and not leave for days. Xia Xia was excessively compliant, quietly listening no matter what crude things Xie Huai said, cooperating with whatever position he wanted, sweet and soft like a little candy pulled from a honey jar, without any temper.

After a week without leaving home, Xia Xia couldn’t stand being cooped up anymore.

She pushed at the person on top of her: “Let’s go buy groceries, I don’t want takeout anymore.”

Xie Huai was kissing her neck. He rolled off, smiling: “Alright, I’ll cook for you.”

Xie Huai sat on the floor looking up recipes. Seeing Xia Xia come out dressed, he helped her put on a scarf and took her hand as they left. Xie Huai also wore a scarf, one Xia Xia had knitted for him in freshman year. He’d worn it every winter since, and though the yarn had pilled and become somewhat rough, he never thought of replacing it.

Some things, once they enter your life, leave indelible marks.

You become unaccustomed to their absence, even more unaccustomed to their loss, as they imperceptibly merge into every inch of blood and breath, becoming part of yourself.

The evening market was crowded with people. Xie Huai picked through items at stalls according to the recipe’s ingredients.

The surrounding crowd was mostly middle-aged people just off work or retired elderly. Young people were rare, and beautiful young people were even rarer. People’s appreciation and curiosity toward beautiful things is innate – passersby turned to look, wondering if they were dating or newly married, and even the vendors couldn’t help stealing extra glances.

In the crowded market, Xie Huai’s arm firmly held Xia Xia’s waist, keeping her close like a loyal wolf dog never leaving her side, afraid she’d be swept away by the crowd if he let go.

When selecting vegetables and paying, Xie Huai maintained a cold expression, looking unapproachable. The vendors didn’t dare overcharge him on weight and even rounded down the prices.

Leaving the market, Xie Huai finally relaxed: “Almost couldn’t keep up the act.”

Xia Xia looked at him confused. He explained: “Have to act cool in front of others, show the authority of the head of household, can’t let them see I’m willingly shopping and cooking, can’t let people know I’m afraid of my wife – that would be too embarrassing.”

“You’re afraid of your wife?” Xia Xia said, “How come I didn’t know?”

She hadn’t felt Xie Huai was afraid of her at all. He always maintained a cool, arrogant demeanor – it seemed nothing in this world could frighten him.

Xie Huai raised an eyebrow: “When you say it hurts, I don’t dare move – wouldn’t you say I’m afraid?”

Standing on the busy street, Xie Huai didn’t control his volume. Xia Xia’s face suddenly reddened, fortunately, no one around heard.

She angrily twisted his arm: “Say more nonsense and I won’t talk to you anymore!”

Not only did Xie Huai not cry out in pain, he smiled at her: “Such strength – your cold must be better?”

Xia Xia made an affirmative sound. Xie Huai pinched her nose: “Even though your cold is better, why are you still so listless?”

His previous playful expression disappeared as he asked seriously: “Are you angry with me?”

Xia Xia froze.

Xie Huai said: “You’ve been unhappy lately – is it because of me?”

Xia Xia’s throat felt dry. Though she had countless things she wanted to say, they all got stuck below her lips and tongue. When he asked like this, she couldn’t say anything at all.

She stood dazed, avoiding his question: “I’m not unhappy.”

“You’re not?”

Xie Huai tightened his grip on her hand. His palm was warm and strong; after he held Xia Xia’s cold hand for a while, it became toasty warm.

Xie Huai said: “If it’s about me getting injured and hospitalized, I apologize. I admit I was somewhat rash, but the situation was special. The police were upstairs and I was the only one downstairs – when that person jumped out the window, if I hadn’t stopped him and let him escape, the aftermath would have been very troublesome. Given how those people operate, he definitely would have come back for revenge.”

“I can get hurt, but I can’t let him continue to harm you all. Can you understand?”

Xie Huai: “I promised you I’d take care of myself, but I failed. Are you very disappointed in me?”

“…I’m not disappointed in you,” Xia Xia said softly.

I’m disappointed in myself, she thought.

Seeing Xie Huai seriously apologizing to her for this made her somewhat sad, yet she didn’t dare tell him her true thoughts.

Her phone vibrated in her pocket – an incoming call.

Xia Xia took out her phone, staring at a name that hadn’t appeared on the screen for a long time, her expression freezing.

When she returned to Chang City, the evening lights were just coming on. The taxi stopped beside the narrow street outside the apartment building.

Xia Xia paid and dragged her suitcase into the building alone.

Wu Li had called in the evening, crying breathlessly as she poured out her troubles.

– Wei Jinhai had taken a prostitute as his mistress and usually stayed at that woman’s home. He gave all his money to that woman to spend. On his rare visits home, when Wu Li asked for grocery money, he roughly slapped her face.

Wu Li had cried all afternoon at home. With her already weak heart, the emotional turmoil caused repeated spasms, and nearly fainting several times. She cried until evening, clutching her aching chest as she went to the kitchen for water. The house had long run out of food, not even having rice or flour for the next day’s meals. In her despair, Wu Li suddenly remembered she had a daughter.

Xia Xia hadn’t let Xie Huai accompany her back – Madam Qiao wasn’t yet discharged, and it would be inconvenient for her alone if Xie Huai left.

Moreover, Xia Xia didn’t want to trouble Xie Huai with these difficult family matters. She casually made up an excuse that Wu Li missed her and she’d be back in a few days.

Xie Huai saw Xia Xia off at the station, buying lots of snacks and preparing food for the three-hour journey. She also bought several oil cakes and steamed buns from street vendors to bring home for dinner.

After not seeing each other for over a year, Wu Li had become notably haggard, with much more gray hair at her temples.

She seemed thinner, drowning in Wei Jinhai’s old clothes, looking so frail that the wind might knock her over.

Wu Li ate the food Xia Xia brought back without asking how she was living alone outside. Before she could speak, tears started falling.

“Your father is truly bewitched, completely enchanted by that prostitute vixen. He doesn’t come home or give money…” Wu Li covered her face crying. With her timid nature, even with her husband’s infidelity with a prostitute, she couldn’t say anything harsh – “vixen” was the most vicious word she could think of.

Xia Xia took two thousand yuan from her bag and silently pushed it forward: “Don’t I send you money every month? How did you spend it so quickly?”

“…Your father knows you sent me money, so he hasn’t paid for my medicine in a long time. The five hundred you send each month barely covers the medicine costs.”

Wu Li asked tearfully: “Xia Xia, do you have a boyfriend out there?”

Xia Xia made an affirmative sound. Wu Li asked further: “How’s his family background?”

Xia Xia had been staring blankly at the chipped red lacquer coffee table in the living room but looked up at her mother’s words.

Wu Li said: “Upstairs Auntie Zhang’s daughter – you remember her? You used to wear her hand-me-downs.”

“She brought her boyfriend home for New Year’s. I heard he has several apartments in the provincial capital’s city center. The Zhangs are so pleased, they don’t dare say a harsh word to their son-in-law.”

Xia Xia remembered Auntie Zhang’s daughter, two years older than her, who had dropped out of middle school to work. When she came home for the holidays, she always wore heavy makeup.

She asked: “What does her boyfriend do?”

“I heard he’s a small business owner, and has his shop.”

“How old is he?”

Wu Li hesitated: “They say early forties, but he doesn’t look that old.”

After speaking, she asked again: “How’s your boyfriend’s family background? If you could find a rich boyfriend, we could hold our heads high in front of your father. He’d have to mind your husband’s face and wouldn’t dare treat us like this anymore.”

Xia Xia asked flatly: “What if he’s not rich?”

Wu Li looked at her carefully: “Auntie Zhang’s daughter knows many rich businessmen. She came to our house recently wanting to introduce some to you…”

Xia Xia’s face darkened as she got up and walked toward the bedroom.

“Xia Xia.” Wu Li quickly called after her, “Mom didn’t mean anything by it. If you don’t like the idea, forget it.”

Xia Xia said: “I’m a bit tired, going to sleep for a while.”

Her tone was cold, and Wu Li didn’t dare say more.

Xia Xia entered the small room curtained off as a bedroom. The bed was covered in dust from long disuse. She swept it with a feather duster, getting dust all over her face.

She knelt beside the bed, suddenly feeling indescribably tired.

Wu Li was sorting through the things she’d brought back, making clattering noises as she knocked something over.

“Mom.” After sitting quietly for a while, Xia Xia asked, “When you were pregnant with me, did the doctors ever tell you that your heart condition might be hereditary – that it could be passed on to me?”