Her kiss was light as a feather, yet impossible to ignore.

Xie Huai’s Adam’s apple bobbed, but he remained silent.

The water rushed noisily into the bathroom. Looking up, he could see the bright moonlight streaming through the skylight.

Xia Xia’s arms tightened around his waist, her voice soft and low: “Let’s stay somewhere else.”

Xie Huai turned to face her, looking into her eyes: “That’s not why I came to see you.”

“It’s what I want,” Xia Xia said. “I’ve missed you.”

The hotel room door clicked shut. Before Xia Xia could turn on the lights in the quiet room, Xie Huai had her pressed against the door.

His burning lips covered hers completely, leaving no gap, making it difficult for her to breathe as if he were stealing her air.

Xia Xia pushed against him with her palm, creating a small distance to catch her breath: “The curtains.”

Xie Huai nuzzled her forehead with his nose, affectionately rubbing against her cheek as he made his way down.

He took a moment to compose himself before turning to draw the curtains.

…

…

Xia Xia was unusually clingy tonight.

Xie Huai was drenched in sweat. When he tried to get up to grab the air conditioner remote, Xia Xia wouldn’t let him go.

Her voice was still humid: “More.”

A vein throbbed on Xie Huai’s forehead, his voice hoarse and dangerous: “Are you trying to get yourself killed? Do you still want to be able to walk tomorrow?”

Xia Xia ignored the threat in his words, wrapping her arms around him: “Xie Huai, I like you so much. How can I possibly like someone this much?”

Xie Huai’s rationality burned hot. He turned his head, biting her ear with sharp teeth: “I love you too.”

…

“…Huai-ge.” Xia Xia called out to him, her words slurring.

Her gaze was hazy as she looked past the handsome face of the young man dripping with sweat, past his broad, powerful shoulders, to the ornate crystal chandelier above his head. The light was dazzling, casting a warm glow on Xie Huai’s clean skin. Xia Xia raised her hand to shield her eyes, and Xie Huai switched off the bedside lamp.

The room plunged into darkness, a mess of disorder.

As her gaze ventured into the darkness only to bounce back, unable to see anything, Xia Xia opened her mouth to bite Xie Huai’s finger.

She bit down with considerable force, making Xie Huai grunt in pain.

Xia Xia buried her face in the pillowcase, softly calling his name.

Xie Huai’s eyes were bloodshot. He gripped her chin with his thumb and index finger, kissing her with his tongue.

He bit her soft lips, his voice so hoarse it was almost unrecognizable: “You’ll be the death of me someday.”

…

They finally stopped their activities in the early hours of the morning.

Xie Huai was sleeping soundly when suddenly a cold little hand slipped under his clothes. He opened his eyes to find the girl he’d been holding while falling asleep standing fully dressed by the bed.

“Xie Huai,” Xia Xia asked seriously, “do you know what time the sun rises in northern winters?”

Xie Huai, bleary-eyed, pulled his phone from under his pillow and checked—four in the morning, still dark outside.

Xia Xia lifted the blanket, picked up the clothes they’d discarded on the floor last night, and threw them at him: “Get up, come with me to the seaside.”

Xie Huai rolled over, completely unconcerned about being exposed without the blanket, brazenly sleeping naked right under Xia Xia’s eyes. He was long-limbed, with clearly defined but not bulky muscles, every inch of his physique containing the resilient, vigorous strength of youth.

Xia Xia persisted in calling: “Xie Huai.”

Xie Huai could no longer pretend to sleep. He got up from the bed, rubbed his messy hair, and started putting on clothes while yawning like a wronged child.

“Even mules haven’t worked this hard, right? It wasn’t enough to drain me dry at night, now you won’t even let me sleep,” he grumbled unhappily.

Xie Huai was too sleepy to keep his eyes open, allowing Xia Xia to push him out of the room. The girl walked beside him, her hair loosely cascading down her back, revealing an adorable round whorl at the top of her head. The outside air finally woke Xie Huai up.

Remembering their intimate moments from the night before, his gaze became reverent and tender when he looked at her.

More alert now and suddenly playful, Xie Huai quickly bent down and swept Xia Xia up in his arms, carrying her horizontally.

Caught off guard, Xia Xia lost her balance and was startled.

Xie Huai smiled mischievously, his expression changing in an instant: “Let your Huai-ge be your mule for once.”

He set Xia Xia down and crouched in front of her: “I’ll carry you on my back to see the sea.”

The early morning sky was a heavy leaden gray, pressing down without a hint of light. Only the street lamps made it barely possible to see the path ahead.

Xie Huai walked very slowly, taking twenty minutes to cover the mere thousand meters to the seaside.

Xia Xia rested on his shoulders, taking off her gloves to warm his cold-reddened ear tips, her hair tickling his neck.

Xie Huai tilted his head slightly and asked: “Why did you suddenly want to see the sea?”

Xia Xia said: “I’ve never seen a sunrise before. I wanted to see one with you.”

The seaside wind was cold, whipping against their faces like knife cuts. The wind lifted the waves into layers, crashing against the coastal rocks and spraying broken white foam.

The horizon remained dark, showing no signs of sunrise.

Xie Huai leaned against a long bench, took off his coat, and wrapped it around both of them.

Xia Xia nestled against his chest, enveloped in the warmth of his body heat. As drowsiness overtook her, she couldn’t help but start nodding off.

Xie Huai: “If you’re tired, sleep. I’ll wake you when the sun comes out.”

Xia Xia mumbled: “I’ll wait with you.”

Despite her words, she fell asleep against him shortly after. Her sleep was light, and she would occasionally lift her head with bleary eyes to ask: “Has the sun risen?”

Xie Huai wrapped her up tightly, leaving only her beautiful eyes exposed, his voice indulgent: “Not yet.”

“What if it’s cloudy?”

Xie Huai said: “Then we’ll come back tomorrow.”

Xia Xia dozed off again.

Xie Huai held her, watching her peaceful sleeping face, and chuckled, his expression filled with countless traces of tenderness: “You wake me up to keep you company, then sleep like a pig yourself.”

He playfully poked her soft cheeks and played with her dark eyelashes until Xia Xia swatted away his mischievous hands, mumbling that he was annoying.

Xie Huai didn’t dare disturb her sleep anymore. He sat alone on the windswept shore, quietly gazing at the rolling waves.

The winter sea water surged in blue-gray waves, with a faint black edge where it met the distant sky. After some time, the clouds at the horizon parted, and a pale red tip emerged from the sea surface, dyeing the water and half the sky above it red.

Xie Huai called to her softly: “Wake up.”

Xia Xia rubbed her eyes. Seeing her first-ever ocean sunrise, her eyes were filled with pale red and leaden blue, with no other colors in between. The red, symbolizing new life and vigor, shone brilliantly, magnificent in its expansiveness.

“It’s so beautiful,” Xia Xia murmured.

Perhaps from sitting in the wind too long and catching a chill, her voice was slightly nasal, tinged with moisture.

While Xia Xia watched the sunrise, Xie Huai looked down at her. His lips curved upward in a brilliant, unruly smile: “Not as beautiful as you.”

After sunrise, the city awakened.

Xie Huai led Xia Xia to a small stall selling youtiao, ordering a plate of fried breadsticks, several dishes of pickled vegetables, two tea eggs, and two bowls of salty tofu pudding.

He quickly finished his meal and took Xia Xia’s egg plate to help her peel the shells.

The morning air was clean, with pedestrians hurrying past.

Xie Huai was relaxed and in a great mood, humming a tune while peeling the eggs.

“What shall we do later?” Xie Huai smiled, remembering the past. “I wonder if that club where we first met is still there. Want to revisit it?”

“No.”

Xia Xia swallowed the egg he had peeled and scraped her tofu pudding bowl clean.

She wiped her lips and looked up to see the sun they had watched at the seaside slowly climbing up the eastern sky behind Xie Huai.

She lowered her eyes, her gaze dim.

“Then I’ll go shopping with you,” Xie Huai tapped her nose. “Next month will be spring. Let’s buy spring clothes.”

Xia Xia dodged his outstretched hand. She removed the bodhi bead bracelet he had given her from her wrist and placed it on the table in front of her. The table’s deep brown wood grain overwhelmed the color of the bodhi beads.

Xia Xia pushed the beads towards him.

“Xie Huai,” her expression was bland, without a ripple of emotion, as if she had rehearsed this scene countless times in her heart, “let’s separate.”

Xie Huai froze, then laughed: “Don’t joke around.”

“I’m serious,” Xia Xia repeated. “Let’s separate.”

Xie Huai stared at her for a long time, confirming that she wasn’t joking, and the smile disappeared from his face.

In an instant, many things flooded his mind. Xia Xia’s low spirits these days and her strange behavior all suddenly made sense. Although Xie Huai didn’t know why she was proposing to break up, it was clear she had been planning this for a long time.

“Let’s separate,” Xia Xia said for the third time.

Xie Huai remained silent, grabbing Xia Xia’s wrist. His strength was rough and forceful as he put the beads back on her wrist.

“I say we…”

Xia Xia’s words were cut short when she saw Xie Huai’s stern face. His expression was so dark it silenced her: “Shut your mouth.”

Xie Huai gripped her wrist until it hurt: “I don’t care why you want to break up, but if you dare talk such nonsense again—”

He paused, ignoring the bustling morning street filled with vehicles and pedestrians, and spoke coldly: “Don’t blame me for taking care of you right here.”

Xia Xia tried to pull her wrist away, but Xie Huai’s strength was unexpectedly great. Even when her wrist was marked with a red imprint, she couldn’t break free.

During their usual playful struggles, she could easily escape his grip. Xia Xia had always thought she was quite strong, but today she realized that was only because Xie Huai had been letting her win.

—He loved her, cared for her, and couldn’t bear to hurt her.

But when he was serious, he could easily subdue her with one hand, leaving her unable to move.

“The reason,” Xie Huai looked at her, his gaze cold. “I don’t agree to breaking up, but I want to hear the reason.”

“In the past, if you made such a request, I would have let you go without a word. But now that Hu Shurong is dead and everything is finally going well, I won’t accept a single word of your thoughts.” He said, “If you can’t give me a reason good enough to support this stupid idea…”

He applied more force to his grip, nearly crushing Xia Xia.

She was about to speak when her chest suddenly contracted with a suffocating spasm as if she were in a vacuum with all the oxygen being pumped out. After an inexplicable bout of rapid heartbeat, she crouched down clutching her chest, biting her lip hard.

Xie Huai: “What’s wrong?”

Xia Xia struggled slightly, and he dared not use force anymore, releasing her hand anxiously: “Xia Xia?”

After about ten seconds, the heart palpitations subsided.

Xia Xia’s expression was dejected as she said wearily: “My mother has heart disease.”

“When she has attacked, she can’t breathe properly, can’t sleep all night. Even when she’s not having an attack, she can’t exercise, can’t even walk fast. Even doing too many household chores makes her face turn red. At night, the slightest noise causes heart palpitations that keep her awake until dawn.”

Xia Xia looked up at him: “There’s no money for surgery, and she cannot work. She’s not much different from an invalid.”

Xie Huai: “So? Are you trying to tell me you inherited her condition?”

He asked: “Have you been to the hospital for a check-up?”

Xia Xia remained silent. He hailed a passing taxi: “We’re going to the hospital now.”

“…Listen to me finish.”

Xie Huai didn’t let her speak. His face was dark, the coldness between his brows enough to freeze someone solid.

“You think you have heart disease, think you’ll become someone who can’t do anything, you’re afraid of being a burden to me, so you want to break up?” Xie Huai spoke mockingly, all traces of the childlike tenderness from early morning gone.

His voice was cruel, gloomy, and unfamiliar: “I want to kill you.”

Xia Xia was dragged by him to the hospital entrance. She struggled against his arm: “Xie Huai, can you please listen to what I have to say?”

Xie Huai took her ID card from her pocket to register. Xia Xia became anxious: “I’m not getting an ECG today—”

She struggled violently. Xie Huai, impatient and unwilling to reason with her, bent down and simply hoisted her over his shoulder into the elevator.

The hospital wasn’t crowded in the early morning, but everyone who passed by turned to look—the handsome young man with an icy expression held down the beautiful girl on his shoulder. The two seemed to conflict, making people wonder about the cause.

Xia Xia was mortified to the extreme, twisting every part of Xie Huai she could reach: “Put me down!”

Xie Huai’s arm was bruised from her pinching, making him frown in pain, but he still didn’t let go. He carried her to the third-floor cardiology department for an ECG and ultrasound.

“I won’t do it!”

Seeing the doctor, Xia Xia tried to run, but Xie Huai held her down like trying to grip a slippery loach.

Impatiently, he smacked her bottom: “Can’t you be quiet?”

That slap wasn’t controlled in strength, and with Xia Xia wearing jeans, the impact made a crisp, loud sound.

The doctor instinctively looked over. Catching others’ glances, Xia Xia’s face instantly turned red. Her bottom was numb from Xie Huai’s slap, both tingling and painful, taking a while to recover.

Having Xie Huai strike her so unmercifully in front of others left Xia Xia both embarrassed and hurt. Her eyes reddened, unable to speak for a long time.

The female doctor said: “Unfasten your bra.”

Xia Xia bit her lip. Xie Huai said: “Go ahead, or do I need to do it for you?”

As he reached to lift her clothes, Xia Xia swatted his hand away: “Don’t touch me!”

Xie Huai was being fierce and mean to her. Fighting back tears, she slowly lifted her clothes to her chest and unfastened her bra.

At that moment, Xie Huai finally understood why she had reacted so strongly to the mention of an ECG.

Her fair skin was covered in pink and purple marks of varying depths, visible everywhere. These were the marks Xie Huai had deliberately sucked onto her while gripping her waist the night before.

The doctor, highly professional, said nothing and just instructed Xia Xia to relax and complete the examination.

Xie Huai furrowed his brows, an expression he only showed when nervous.

The doctor looked at the ECG and said matter-of-factly: “Wolff-Parkinson-White syndrome. Surgery will be needed.”

Xie Huai asked: “Is it serious?”

“There might be occasional palpitations and chest tightness during attacks, and excessive exercise can easily cause tachycardia, but it’s not a serious condition,” the doctor said. “Many patients go their whole lives without treatment if it doesn’t affect daily life. If you’re experiencing severe discomfort, you can consider ablation surgery.”

“Also, have you been too tired lately?” The doctor adjusted her glasses and looked up from the ECG. “There’s an ST segment abnormality with mild myocardial ischemia. You need to pay attention to rest and diet and keep your mood relaxed. Right now, it’s just a minor issue, but if you continue to overexert yourself, it might develop into myocardial strain.”

Xie Huai explained Wu Li’s condition to her. The doctor smiled: “Her heart condition is acquired, not hereditary. Besides, truly serious heart patients show such obvious symptoms—how could it only be discovered at age twenty?”

Xie Huai anxiously asked: “Can the ablation surgery be done now? What’s the success rate?”

The doctor said: “It’s one hundred percent safe, but we can’t do it now. Surgery requires booking, and our specialist appointments are already scheduled through next month. This condition doesn’t significantly impact daily life, so waiting a few years won’t matter, but I still recommend doing it sooner since young people have stronger recovery abilities.”

Xie Huai thanked her quietly, and seeing Xia Xia had dressed, led her out of the hospital with a cold expression.

The sunlight was bright as he stood at the busy street corner, releasing her hand and silently watching her.

Xia Xia remained silent, unusually quiet.

“Still want to break up?” Xie Huai’s tone was cold, somewhat like settling accounts after autumn.

Xia Xia’s mood hadn’t improved despite the medical clarity. She said: “Yes.”

Xie Huai’s eyes darkened as he suppressed his violent impulses: “Say that again.”

“I said yes,” Xia Xia looked up at him, extraordinarily calm.

Xie Huai’s chest heaved with anger as he stared intently at her, trying to find even the slightest clue in that love-hate face of hers about why she would say such things today. But after looking for a long time, he dejectedly realized that after being together for so long, he still couldn’t fathom what was going on in this girl’s mind.

“Why can’t you just listen to what I have to say?”

As soon as Xia Xia spoke that word of separation, her tears fell uncontrollably like broken strings. She didn’t sob, just let them flow quietly. Her eyes were red like they had been dyed with a drop of crimson ink, so red they seemed about to bleed.

“That day when Auntie was lying in the ICU waiting for money to save her life, I asked everyone I could think of, but no one would lend me money.”

“Zhao Jinsong took advantage of the situation, and I didn’t dare curse him,” she wiped away her tears. “I was afraid he’d get angry, afraid that when I needed that money, he wouldn’t give it to me anymore.”

Xia Xia’s long-suppressed emotions suddenly erupted. As she wiped away one stream of tears, another seamlessly followed, keeping her face constantly wet.

She choked up: “Have you thought about what would happen if I couldn’t borrow money? That day it was Auntie in the ICU, but what if one day it’s you lying in there?”

“If you’re lying in the ICU waiting for money to save your life, and only Zhao Jinsong could lend me money, what should I do?”

Xie Huai had never realized this was the root of her negative emotions. His throat went dry, too heartbroken to speak.

He stood stunned in her collapsing emotions for a moment before reaching out to hold her:

“Stop talking nonsense. Even if you break up with me, if I’m lying in the ICU waiting for money to save my life in the future, could you not care about me?”

“I couldn’t,” Xia Xia pushed away his hands, not letting him embrace her. “But at least if we break up, you can find someone else, anyone would be better than me.”

“If I had a decent family, decent parents when my boyfriend needs me, they would give money for surgery fees even if I had to kneel and beg them.”

Xia Xia cried until she was a mess: “But I have nothing.”

Xie Huai was both angry and heartbroken, but tried to keep his voice calm: “This isn’t your fault. It’s mine for not giving you enough security. Blame me.”

“But everything from before is over now, aren’t I fine now? I promise this kind of thing will never happen again. Our relationship is between us two, don’t take all the pressure on yourself.”

“I originally thought that too, that relationships were between two people. I thought as long as we loved each other we wouldn’t fear anything. But it wasn’t until you collapsed that I realized the reason I had such belief was because you were always by my side.”

“With you by my side, the security you brought me far outweighed life’s hardships, giving me the illusion that I could handle anything that happened.”

“I can’t handle anything well at all. I could only watch helplessly as you lay in the hospital bed, listening to the doctor repeat over and over that Auntie needed to be transferred out of intensive care. I had no money and no friends who could lend me money. Things you could easily solve, I couldn’t solve a single one.”

“My boyfriend’s mother was about to have her tubes removed and left to fend for herself, and all I could do was crouch down and cry. Why would you want to be with me?” She self-destructed, “Not only can’t I help you, but I have that kind of family. I’ll be a burden to you—”

“What the fuck are you talking about!” Xie Huai cupped her face, forcing her to look at him. “When I was at my lowest, you never thought I was a burden, but now you say such things?”

His hands tightened as his voice deepened: “Dare to say that again.”

Xia Xia cried and pushed his hands away: “I can’t handle my family, can’t handle life, and can’t handle this relationship even more.”

“I can’t even take responsibility for my future right now. Let’s separate for a while.”

Xie Huai’s voice carried obvious anger: “What’s wrong with you? If you can’t handle it, you have me. Whatever difficulties there are, I’ll be with you. Who told you to face everything alone?”

Xia Xia covered her head: “Just let me be quiet for a while!”

Her emotions collapsed as she walked alone along the bluestone pavement of the pedestrian path. Several times Xie Huai tried to grab her, and several times she shook him off.

Xia Xia screamed hysterically: “Don’t follow me—”

She walked while crying, following the path back home and up that dark building.

Xie Huai didn’t dare leave, following her the whole way.

This was the first time he had seen Xia Xia cry like this. It wasn’t hard to imagine how desperate and helpless she had been during those two days when he was unconscious from blood loss.

That incident had left too deep a shadow, deeply etched in her heart. Even though she didn’t mention it, she had never forgotten it for a moment.

When negative emotions accumulate for too long, their explosive force can destroy everything that was originally sturdy and secure.

Verbal promises are easy to make, but once a girl’s fragile sense of security is shattered, it’s not so easy to rebuild.

Xie Huai wasn’t angry; rather, he felt more heartache and self-reproach.

Standing under the bare poplar trees in the courtyard, looking up at Xia Xia’s window, he suddenly felt how cold the wind was at the end of winter.

It was something he had never felt before.

Xia Xia lay in bed all day, crying until her head spun.

Just as Xie Huai had said, everything had gotten better, yet she was thoroughly soaked in negative emotions. Inside and out, every cell was screaming, venting, her entire being seemed filled with endless tears, even overflowing.

Wu Li finished cooking and came to lift her curtain: “Is that boy downstairs here to see you?”

The sky was pitch black. Xia Xia crawled up and leaned against the window, looking out through the small window in the wall. Outside, the street lights had come on, and the pale moon left a beautiful mark in the sky. It had been over ten hours since she came home, but Xie Huai was still standing under the tree in the courtyard. The night was brilliantly lit, but darkness surrounded only him, making him look lonely and desolate.

The wind picked up, and Xia Xia saw his hair being lifted by the breeze, while the pine needles in the flower bed trembled along. Xie Huai had been exposed to the cold air all day, his nose tip reddened from the cold. He obstinately lifted his head, meeting Xia Xia’s gaze at the window.

Xia Xia’s phone rang. Xie Huai had sent her many messages throughout the afternoon, but she hadn’t replied to any.

The most recent one was simple and clear.

[Xia Xia, don’t leave me.]

Xia Xia’s eyes instantly heated up again, but she had cried all day and had no tears left to shed.

Wu Li said: “I saw him standing there this morning, and he still hasn’t left. He’s been waiting all day, and it’s so cold outside. Why don’t you go see him?”

Xia Xia buried herself back in bed, covering herself with the blanket, her voice hoarse:

“Leave him be. When it gets too cold, he’ll leave.”