The weather remained clear in the following days. Brother Gun’s little black dog dozed under the sunlight by the doorway, the rime frost in the mountains gradually melted away, and some impatient branches had already sprouted green buds. The road down the mountain had completely returned to normal, and villagers who had been wintering indoors emerged with their baskets on their backs – everything indicated that spring was approaching.
But not everyone could be infected by early spring’s warmth. From counting the days to accepting their situation as normal, Chi Cheng and Xun Xun had already adapted to life at Brother Gun’s home. Though no one wanted to think deeply about what this change meant, melancholy had already settled in their hearts.
When Xun Xun first mentioned to Chi Cheng that the downhill transportation had resumed normal operations, Chi Cheng’s foot injury unexpectedly relapsed. He, who had previously been able to walk independently with the help of crutches, suddenly couldn’t get out of bed due to pain, showing extreme discomfort at the slightest movement. Brother Gun and his wife were initially baffled and anxiously planned to call the clinic doctor again, but Xun Xun stopped them.
Last night, the light bulb in their room had burnt out. She hadn’t done anything, yet somehow it had been replaced with a new one the next day. Brother Gun and his wife claimed no knowledge of this, which left only one possible culprit – the person who supposedly couldn’t walk without risking death.
However, Xun Xun said nothing in front of Chi Cheng. Perhaps she was trying to convince herself that light bulbs had self-healing capabilities. Chi Cheng continued to sleep heavily in bed, waiting for Xun Xun to attend to everything, while Brother Gun and his wife smiled knowingly, pretending not to notice. Everyone tacitly avoided mentioning the restored road.
Unfortunately, no matter how much they tried to deceive themselves, what was meant to come would eventually arrive. That noon, just as Xun Xun brought food to Chi Cheng’s bedside, Sister-in-law Gun urgently beckoned to her from outside. She walked out to the main room to see Brother Gun, wearing a complex expression, leading in two strangers. Before she could ask, they introduced themselves – the older one was a village official, and the other, dressed like a city dweller, was a driver specifically sent to pick up Chi Cheng.
Chi Cheng completely lost his appetite. He regretted telling his father about being stranded in Guyang Mountain after a minor accident when his father had called asking about his whereabouts. His father knew that his ex-wife’s ashes were currently housed in Xuanzhen Pavilion on Guyang Mountain. Thinking of his son injuring his leg while visiting his birth mother’s shrine alone during Spring Festival awakened long-dormant paternal feelings and guilt. He had contacted his old connections in the area and, as soon as the mountain road reopened, immediately sent a driver to find Chi Cheng, insisting on bringing him safely down the mountain.
Chi Cheng’s face was darker than the recent weather, but there were no more excuses for delay at this point. Xun Xun knowingly began packing their belongings. When one piece of clothing was trapped under his leg, she gestured for him to move it, but he inexplicably flared up, snapping, “Move what? Can’t you see my leg is injured?” Xun Xun had to remind him it was the other leg that was injured, and seeing his continued reluctance, she said, “Aren’t you tired of lying in bed? Do you plan to never leave the mountain?”
Chi Cheng said with a heavy nasal tone, “What’s so good about going down? Are you that eager to return to your petty bourgeois life?”
Xun Xun didn’t get angry, continuing her task, “What’s wrong with being petty bourgeois? I just know we can’t accomplish anything staying on the mountain. If it weren’t for Brother Gun and his wife, we couldn’t even survive here. No matter how kind they are, we can’t keep troubling others indefinitely.”
She forcefully pulled out the clothing trapped under his leg. He grunted but didn’t argue further, sullenly sitting up.
Learning of their departure, Brother Gun and his wife showed immense reluctance to let them go. Though they couldn’t say much, they stuffed half of their homemade cured meat into the travelers’ luggage. When saying goodbye, Chi Cheng left all the cash from his wallet under the pillow. He refused the driver’s support, limping away from the place he had called home for half a month, using the new crutch Brother Gun had carved for him.
Before heading down the mountain, Chi Cheng asked the driver to detour to Xuanzhen Pavilion; he wanted to visit his mother and offer incense at her shrine. He still insisted on walking by himself, and Xun Xun didn’t force the issue, staying in the car with the driver.
Due to the improved weather, Xuanzhen Pavilion was busy with worshipers again, and fortune-telling stalls still lined the temple entrance. She could imagine that on some past day, her bored father had stood at one of those stalls, waiting like a hunter for opportunities to walk up to him. Then, an emaciated, desperate woman approached him. He had rejoiced at finding a customer, not knowing that soon after, this woman, in her final moments, would hand him a large sum of money for an absurdly foolish reason. He couldn’t have known this would cost him his life, forever changing the fates of his daughter and her son.
While waiting, Zeng Yu called. She had spent Spring Festival alone in Sanya, and upon returning, heard about what happened with Sister Yan Li and Xun Xun.
She first gleefully treated Xun Xun and Chi Cheng’s mountain entrapment as a scandalous affair, almost desperate for Xun Xun to admit they had attempted a double suicide out of desperate love. Then, Zeng Yu asked if Xun Xun had rejected Xie Ping Ning, saying Xun Xun’s choice itself was a paradoxical proposition.
“What you fear most isn’t that Chi Cheng doesn’t love you, but that he can’t give you security. But if choosing a man is just about returning to ordinary daily life, you might as well go back to Xie Ping Ning. Let me tell you, life is about stirring things up. Why do people want companionship when they get older? It’s because they’ve stirred themselves up enough and need someone to stir things up with.”
Xun Xun didn’t want to judge whether Zeng Yu was right or wrong; at this moment, this was the last thing she wanted to contemplate. The incense smoke drifting from within Xuanzhen Pavilion’s high walls was hazy as if separated from the mundane reality of life below by an invisible barrier.
She avoided the main issue and asked, “How did you suddenly gain such deep insight?”
Zeng Yu said, “I’ve realized I’ve reached an age where traveling alone feels tedious. Sometimes I think, having a man willing to stir things up with you for half a lifetime isn’t such a bad thing.”
Xun Xun knew that Zeng Yu had lost both parents, and her siblings lived far away. In previous years, she could at least gather with Professor Zeng and Xun Xun’s family for holiday reunion dinners, but now even that was in the past. Being able to travel freely with just a packed bag was many people’s dream, but having no ties also meant having no one to care about you. She thought about how lonely Zeng Yu must be.
“How are things with Lian Quan? He should be back too. Don’t be stubborn with yourself – if you can’t let go, go find him.” Xun Xun exposed Zeng Yu’s true feelings, and Zeng Yu hesitated, “I’m afraid he’ll say he’s not ready to settle down. You’re right, intense emotions are easy to get drunk on, and I can’t always be the first to fall.”
“Looking back now, maybe what I said before was wrong. You’re afraid of getting drunk, so you think you’ve chosen a low-alcohol drink, sipping slowly, thinking you won’t pass out all at once, always hanging there, not realizing you’re getting tipsy – maybe it would be better to get completely drunk and be done with it.” Xun Xun watched the driver who had been smoking outside walk up to meet Chi Cheng, and mutter, “If you can’t get drunk, you can’t wake up.”
During the descent, Chi Cheng remained in a poor mood, barely speaking. He probably knew too well that upon returning to their familiar world, many problems carefully hidden away would be exposed. He and Xun Xun had spoken much about the past while on the mountain but had carefully avoided any mention of the future. Their history contained love, hate, gains, losses, and reasons not to forget, but when everything returned to a balance of neither owing nor being owed, what remained between them?
Due to the time spent bidding farewell to Brother Gun and his wife, and Chi Cheng’s visit to his mother’s shrine, it was already dark when their car left the scenic area. The drive from the mountain’s base to the city usually took only about two hours, and the driver had planned to complete the journey that night, but Chi Cheng claimed he was hungry and insisted on finding somewhere to eat in a nearby town.
His word was law, and the others couldn’t object. In town, they found a local restaurant specializing in regional dishes. After being seated and served, Chi Cheng invited the driver to drink, but the driver declined, citing his work responsibilities. Chi Cheng then suggested they needn’t rush back at night, encouraging him to drink freely and proposing they find a hotel to stay for the night.
Xun Xun couldn’t fathom his intentions – he seemed reluctant to leave, yet stubbornly refused to speak his mind. She felt equally uncertain about the future and uneasy about her knowing transgression, desperately longing for a strong promise or gesture of retention that might cloud her judgment before complete sobriety set in – but there was nothing.
She went outside to call Sister Yan Li, who was waiting at home, to say she might be delayed another day. Yan Li kept asking why, and Xun Xun, feeling troubled and confused, wanted to say “I don’t know either,” but eventually gave an ambiguous excuse. Just after returning to the table, barely having eaten anything, another call came – this time from Xie Ping Ning.
Sister Yan Li, despite her occasional foolishness, had decades of experience in matters of the heart, and in some ways, was more experienced than her daughter. She keenly sensed that Xun Xun’s vagueness must be related to Chi Cheng, and after recent events, she had shifted from being a firm “Chi Cheng supporter” to harboring deep suspicions about his intentions. In her most straightforward wisdom: “No matter how much a man pursues you or claims to love you, if he won’t marry you, it’s all meaningless.” Fearing that Xun Xun might lose both Chi Cheng and the “golden opportunity” of Xie Ping Ning in her confusion, leaving her future unsettled, she promptly called her former son-in-law, begging him to bring her daughter home.
Xie Ping Ning asked Xun Xun to wait for him in town for two hours; he would come get her immediately.
Xun Xun wanted to say, hadn’t they made everything clear that day?
But before she could speak, Xie Ping Ning said that even if she wouldn’t remarry him, they had been husband and wife, and it was only right for him to help her. He mentioned Yan Li’s situation – after Zhou Rui Sheng had fled with the money and her daughter had gotten into trouble, Yan Li suddenly seemed to age into an old woman, not even bothering with makeup anymore, her hair showing more white. What she wanted most now was to have her daughter by her side.
Xun Xun hesitated, instinctively looking toward Chi Cheng. He was toying with his wine glass, silently observing her behavior with mockery. Since deciding to leave the mountain, he had been this mercurial, like a walking minefield, waiting for her to make a misstep. Suddenly, anger welled up in Xun Xun – why should she be at his mercy? Why should everything be on his terms? He was inconsistent, spoke of love emptily, yet was stingy with what a woman most desperately wanted.
If all he cherished was this physical shell, what right did he have to demand that others love his soul?
Xun Xun agreed to wait for Xie Ping Ning in town. This was the last chance she was giving to her wavering self. Chi Cheng had asked her what she would choose in the desert – that last drop of water was her only reason for clinging to the mirage. If her dream city dissolved before she drank it, she would rather continue her journey.
She hung up and continued eating quietly, surrounded by an extraordinary silence. After a while, the driver became uncomfortable and offered to wait in the car.
Soon, Xun Xun finished every grain of rice in her bowl and put down her chopsticks.
“Where do you plan to go?” Chi Cheng finally spoke, “I mean, after we get back.”
Xun Xun said, “Back to my mother’s side, to first find a way to resolve her debts.”
Chi Cheng said, “I might need to return to my father’s side for a while too.”
“Mm.”
“Everyone has somewhere to go, isn’t that good?”
Though he said this, his expression showed no trace of “good,” and when Xun Xun nodded in agreement, he erupted. “If I leave the branch office, you probably won’t be able to stay either. Going back to Xie Ping Ning to be his housewife, and using the opportunity of reconciliation to settle your mother’s affairs – that’s perfect. It’s your typical style. In a few years, you’ll have saved up another ‘having-nothing fund,’ and even if Xie Ping Ning changes his mind and dumps you again, it won’t be a big deal – you might even get another house out of it. Better than betting on someone who might end up with nothing at any moment.”
Even if she carefully avoided the mines, he had to disturb everyone’s peace, always finding a fuse. Compared to his brewing sarcasm, perhaps an explosion would be more straightforward. Before Zeng Yu decided to find Lian Quan, she had told her that there’s no “relief” without pain. Xun Xun stiffened her back muscles and said slowly, “Chi Cheng, if you want something, just say it directly. Don’t be unreasonable.”
Chi Cheng pushed the wine glass he was holding forward; it hit a dish and rolled onto the floor, surprisingly not breaking, denying even the clean sound of shattering.
“I don’t know how to be reasonable with you,” his voice was unsteady, “Don’t think I don’t know what you’re calculating. Aren’t you just using Xie Ping Ning to pressure me, forcing me to make a stand? Everyone can see I can’t bear to lose you. Buying a ring is easy, but I’ve been scared the whole way – I want to marry a woman who loves me the way I love her. The problem is, I still can’t figure it out – three years ago when she kissed me, was it because I was the closest pair of lips at the time? Three years later, when she stays by my side, is it just because I’m the nearest shoulder? You want to find a man you can rely on, with suitable conditions and perfect timing – anyone could do. But I can’t stand it!”
After hearing his accusations, Xun Xun gave a bitter smile, “Ask yourself honestly, are you a man people can rely on with peace of mind? How can I not be constantly anxious by your side? Yes, I just want to live a good life – I can’t stand your kind of so-called love that torments people to death and back.”
She stood up, saying coldly, “Since neither of us can stand it, and our paths are different, there’s no need to waste more time. Consider it my temporary blindness, let’s write off the past, call it even, and go our separate ways from now on.”
Xun Xun turned to leave. Chi Cheng immediately stood up too, forgetting his unhealed injured leg. Losing his balance, he tried to steady himself on the table in front of him, nearly overturning all the dishes. Seeing him so awkward, Xun Xun initially wanted to turn back to help but then thought if it was always like this, she would never be able to break free. This was what troubled her most – everything had become irrational; knowing she shouldn’t, yet unable to cut ties.
Steeling her heart, she quickened her steps and left.