Before she could leave the restaurant, someone rushed after her – quick-footed and agile, not Chi Cheng, but the owner who suspected they were trying to leave without paying.
“I’m sorry, but you haven’t paid yet,” the owner said apologetically, blocking Xun Xun’s path.
Chi Cheng finally emerged slowly from the private room, shamelessly pointing at Xun Xun and telling the owner, “Yes, that’s her, she’s with me.”
Xun Xun was furious, but thinking it through, she realized he had stuffed all his cash at Brother Gun’s house, and small-town restaurants might not accept cards – he truly didn’t have a penny on him.
She helplessly paid the amount on the bill, then continued on her way without acknowledging him. Chi Cheng grabbed her hand from behind.
“Don’t go!”
Caught between advance and retreat, Xun Xun suddenly felt the urge to cry. She said to Chi Cheng, “You are you, and I am I. We can’t become the perfect person each other wants – what exactly do you want from me?”
Chi Cheng said, “Just walk with me a bit longer, please? At least see me back to the car.”
The small town was having a gathering tonight, and the driver had parked at the end of the street. Looking at Chi Cheng with his crutch, Xun Xun thought how it was always like this – when he acted badly, you wanted to beat him to death, but when he changed his expression, he looked so innocent you couldn’t bear to refuse him.
Xun Xun supported his arm – this would be the last time she granted his request, accompanying him for this final stretch of road.
Stepping down from the restaurant’s stairs, night had enveloped the small town at the mountain’s foot. This remote town was also predominantly inhabited by ethnic minorities. Today happened to be the Lantern Festival on the fifteenth day of the first lunar month, coinciding with market day and a temple fair. The sounds of gongs, drums, and firecrackers from dragon and lion dances carried from afar. The restaurant was in the busy district, and temporary lights combined with lanterns everywhere lit the long street as bright as day. The street was filled with vendors and spectators, even more bustling than before dark. They stood among the crowd like two wandering souls who had stumbled into a palace of joy.
“Let’s go,” Xun Xun said.
They walked forward silently for a few steps before encountering a somewhat broken manhole cover. Remembering how they first met, they both froze.
Xun Xun tried to guide Chi Cheng around it, but he limped to a stop right on top of it.
“What are you doing?” Xun Xun sighed heavily.
Chi Cheng tried to pull her over, but she broke free of his hand, saying awkwardly, “If you want to die, don’t drag me into it.”
“I don’t believe in this superstition.” He struggled to turn in place on the cover. “See? This is what you call dangerous. What you fear might not happen, and what’s meant to come will come no matter how careful you are.”
“I won’t join your madness.” Xun Xun turned to leave him.
“Will you always be so cowardly and clear-headed? Xun Xun, I don’t want to make you sad. I’ve always loved you, that’s why I’m afraid you’re just using me as a shell to house yourself for decades!” Chi Cheng stood in place, calling hoarsely after her retreating figure, “I’ve always wanted to know, have you ever loved anyone?”
He dared only say “anyone,” not even willing to ask “Have you ever loved me,” because he didn’t want to hear a negative answer from the start.
Xun Xun thought blankly, had she ever loved anyone? The class monitor from the neighboring class in high school, Wen Tao whom she met at the gym, including Xie Ping Ning before marriage and Sun Yi Fan before his mask came off – she had liked them all, but that kind of liking was “pleasant to meet, fine if we don’t.” If love had to be defined as a flutter in the heart, then she had only loved the TV version of Superman, and that shadow in her dreams who was willing to overturn cities for her, but none of them existed in reality. Even though Chi Cheng had once overlapped with that shadow, the real him was full of unstable elements. She wasn’t used to a life where you never knew what would happen next, just as she always avoided every manhole cover.
She walked aimlessly forward, hearing Chi Cheng shout behind her, “I wish I had died on that mountain!”
Xun Xun’s tears fell as she faced away from him. It was hard not to think about their days on the mountain. Then, they were like any ordinary couple, no need to guess each other’s intentions or calculate gains and losses, no need to worry about tomorrow. Looking back now, they were like the fisherman who stumbled into the Peach Blossom Spring – only after leaving the mountain did they realize it was all a dream. The saddest part was that “a thousand years passed in the mountain while only a day passed in the world” – that sweet, lingering dream felt like a lifetime, but upon waking, nothing had changed.
Her phone vibrated, and thinking it was Xie Ping Ning arriving early, she found instead a text message from Zeng Yu containing just four characters: “Already drunk, now awake.”
Xun Xun didn’t know what these four characters meant and was about to call Zeng Yu to ask, when suddenly the sound of gongs and drums drew near, firecrackers and the crowd’s cheers exploding simultaneously in her ears. The dragon dance team approached along the street, with more than ten performers in yellow shirts wielding a colorful giant dragon, countless spectators following, cheering, and throwing lit firecrackers at the dragon’s body – called “bombing the dragon.”
Xun Xun was moving in the same direction as the dragon dance team, and when she came to her senses, she found herself surrounded by people, strangers on all sides, unable to see Chi Cheng when she looked back. The crowd bombing the dragon moved forward frantically around the giant dragon, and she was involuntarily pushed along. The two who had planned to separate were unexpectedly torn apart by the tide of revelry.
Worried that Chi Cheng’s leg wouldn’t support him and he might be knocked down, Xun Xun stood on tiptoe to look around, but everywhere she looked, she saw only people and sparking firecrackers.
Dodging exploding firecracker paper, she struggled to walk back, but every gap around her was filled with people, every inch forward was difficult. She didn’t know what had come over her, but her heart began to race, and throwing caution to the wind, she desperately pushed through everyone in her way. Many people glared at her angrily as she repeatedly muttered “sorry,” “excuse me,” and “please let me through” while making her way through the crowd. Eventually, she stopped speaking altogether, all her anxiety transforming into a simple, fervent impulse – she had to see him standing before her, immediately! Even though just minutes ago she had firmly decided to leave completely after walking this final stretch with him. She couldn’t even distinguish whether her desperate desire to see him came solely from concern for his injured leg; perhaps it was the same impulse that had made her give up the chance to climb up and jump down instead when she was suspended on that cliff.
However, despite her efforts, Xun Xun couldn’t successfully go against the flow. Following the dragon dance team’s progress, the crowd surged past her, leaving her behind. She was like a shell abandoned on the beach after a giant wave retreated, but fortunately, in the suddenly quiet and empty surroundings, there was another of her kind.
Chi Cheng still stood on that manhole cover, looking in her direction.
They had been so close all along, yet she had felt as if separated by the Milky Way. Xun Xun thought she must have been dazed by the proximity of the firecrackers – her mind couldn’t recall anything, only knowing to walk foolishly toward him, unhesitatingly throwing herself into his embrace when Chi Cheng opened one arm.
They had had countless reasons to embrace before, but now as she clung tightly to the person beside her, she needed no reason at all. She had thought perhaps he didn’t love her, that he only loved what he once couldn’t have; that she wasn’t so deeply in love either, only wanting what she could grasp now. But were answers more real and reliable than the person in your arms? Now they both felt there could be no worse plan than separation!
“I thought you had left.” Chi Cheng squeezed Xun Xun until she could barely breathe. He had to use one hand on his crutch to maintain balance, leaving only one arm to hold her, unable to wipe away the tears welling in his eyes. He thought, let it be embarrassing – he had never been an impressive figure in front of her anyway. He didn’t want to remind her that Zhao Xun Xun, who treated manhole covers like deadly threats, was now standing on tiptoe on a wobbly manhole cover. If such a scene could become reality, why couldn’t he believe that one day she would love the shell she had lived in for decades?
Xun Xun rested her head on his shoulder, suddenly understanding Zeng Yu’s “paradoxical proposition.” Although life with anyone would eventually return to normalcy, it was like how everyone must die – there’s still a difference between dying at birth and living a full life before passing away naturally. What mattered wasn’t the identical beginning and end, but the irresistible journey in between. No matter how bad his temper, how difficult to grasp, one day he would grow old beside her, and when he became wrinkled and gray, completely transformed into an old man, there would be nothing left to fear losing him to except death. If they could make it to that day, she would have won completely.
Zeng Yu sent that four-character message while running out of Lian Quan’s residential complex. She had gathered her courage to knock on his door, not expecting to find a lively gathering of family members inside – apparently on this Lantern Festival night, not only had he returned from out of town, but his family was also there.
The door was opened by a quiet, delicate girl who looked a few years younger than Zeng Yu. Before she could ask if Lian Quan was in, he walked out of the kitchen looking shocked, wearing a ridiculous checkered apron.
“Why are you here?” He stood at the door, not believing his eyes, but his body unconsciously blocked the girl behind him.
Zeng Yu instantly understood everything, and the heart she had been ready to give fell back into her chest.
The girl whispered behind him, “Lian Quan, who is this?”
“She…”
“I’m his client! Lawyer Lian, are you sure there are no problems with my case?” Zeng Yu cut in quickly.
“Oh, let’s find a place to discuss it properly.”
Zeng Yu smiled and said, “No need. Since you have family over, I’ll call your office after work hours. Sorry to disturb you, goodbye.”
She nodded to the girl peering out from behind Lian Quan and turned to leave.
“Zeng Yu, wait!”
As she was about to reach her car parked at the complex entrance, Lian Quan ran after her.
“I never thought you would come looking for me.” He stood beside her, catching his breath, unsure how to feel.
Zeng Yu shrugged, “I just suddenly had nothing to do and thought to drop by for a drink. Since this is how it is… don’t worry, I won’t come again.”
She hurried forward a few steps, opening the car door to get in, but Lian Quan reached out to close it.
He hesitated before opening his mouth, finally gritting his teeth.
“You’ve seen everything… I’m embarrassed to say, but I’m not good at casual relationships. We agreed not to get serious, but I like you. I don’t know how to tell you – I wanted you to come with me, wanted to finish work early and come back to find you, but felt it was impossible. How could you be willing to be tied down by a man? It would only make you a laughingstock.
You hadn’t contacted me for a long time, and I heard you had a new boyfriend – you’ve always been more free-spirited than me. Zeng Yu, after meeting you, I realized I couldn’t keep playing around forever. My family started worrying about me, constantly trying to match me up… She’s quite an innocent girl…”
“Yes, I could tell at a glance she’s suitable for helping you settle down. If you can’t play, then don’t play – it’s no big deal. Didn’t we agree early on to respect each other’s lives? Whoever finds a serious partner, the other disappears automatically. I know the score.” She smiled and pushed him away to get in the car.
Lian Quan bent down to look at her in the car, unable to hide the confusion in his eyes, “You came to find me because…”
“Because what? Just because you want to settle down doesn’t mean I do. I’ll find somewhere else to drink.” She started the car and said to Lian Quan, “Go back, be good to her.”
He still stood under the street billboard as Zeng Yu watched his figure grow smaller in the rearview mirror until he finally melted into the night’s lights and shadows. She turned up the music volume, laughing self-mockingly twice during the passionate music, but on the third time suddenly tasted salty tears at the corners of her mouth.
She needed to find a place to drink, and she wanted the strongest alcohol – she wouldn’t leave until she was drunk!
The revelry of nightclubs always helps people feel happy. Zeng Yu lay drunk at the bar – who would take her home tonight? She picked up her phone to call Xun Xun, but before it connected, her remaining consciousness reminded her of something, and she quickly hung up.
Xun Xun was still in Chi Cheng’s embrace. There might still be many unresolved issues between them, but neither wanted to let go first.
Chi Cheng said, “Let’s go home. I want to eat the instant noodles you make, just like before – with an egg, no vegetables.”
Xun Xun nodded, “Okay, but don’t forget to install the security screens tomorrow.”
The dragon dance team had moved to the other end of town, the clamorous sounds of gongs, drums, and firecrackers gradually fading away. The street seemed empty now, the bright lights contrasting with the endless darkness of the distant mountains, as if without foundation. People around them came and went like flowing sand, but at least they had each other.
(The End)