Lu Chang wanted more than anyone for her to abandon her thoughts of revenge. A month ago, he might have tried everything, even force, to make her let go. Now that he finally heard her say she had changed her mind, he should be happy, should be overjoyed, yet he felt no pleasure.
What welled up in his heart instead was a fine, dense pain, spreading and extending through his chest…
He knew what struggle and conflict she had gone through to make this decision. It must have been an agonizing, painful process.
“Shu, my staying here is using me to threaten you,” Lu Chang reached out to caress her cheek. “You don’t need to change your mind for me. Though I… hope you can be well, I’d rather you lived with your pain and guilt.”
Ming Shu stretched out both hands, opening them before him, and spoke calmly: “When my mother died of illness, only Father and I were left at home. Father loved Mother deeply, lost his appetite, and couldn’t even focus on managing the gold shop. I was very worried about him but didn’t know how to console him. Later when he fell ill himself, he wouldn’t take medicine. I could only hold his hand and plead with him. I told him that his left hand was Mother, his right hand was his little moon, and though Mother was gone, his little moon was still here… If he took his medicine when sick, he could stay with his little moon… Father held me and sobbed, and gradually got better.”
When her mother died, she was only nine years old. She barely remembered if her father had said these words; this was what Jian Jinhai later told her as a joke.
Yet somehow, what nine-year-old her understood clearly, eighteen-year-old her finally truly comprehended.
“The left hand represents the dead; the right hand, the living. I understand which weighs more between these two. I only know that I can’t let those who care for and love me walk a path of no return because of me, can’t let them be heartbroken because of me…” she said, weighing her palms.
Those empty palms seemed to hold the heaviest things in the world.
Her final compromise wasn’t about letting go of hatred but about the bonds of the living. The hatred would always exist—seventeen lives, she could never forget, even if it was just one innocent Cao family member, she would never forgive. This was her past hurdle; no grand principles in the name of morality or justice could make her let go.
She chose to let go simply because she had Lu Chang, Aunt Zeng, had companions in Bianjing willing to help her without asking why… Her life was important.
“Shu…” Lu Chang could barely contain his emotions, as if her tears had all flowed into his heart, melting into his bones and blood, branded on his heart.
“Lu Chang, you stand on my right hand.”
She was just hopelessly in love with him, without any reason needed.
Lu Chang could no longer control himself, pulling her into his embrace, holding her tight, and burying his head in the crook of her neck.
“Lu Chang, you’re crying,” Ming Shu stood still, letting him hold her.
Something seemed to drip onto her neck at the collar.
Lu Chang neither denied nor answered, just held her.
Ming Shu reached back to stroke his back, through the thin clothes she could easily feel the warmth and strength of his back.
“We’ve known each other for over ten years, and I’ve never seen you cry. Finally, it’s my turn to comfort you,” Ming Shu patted his back, speaking gently.
They were both stubborn and proud people, rarely bowing their heads or heeding advice, yet they had both compromised for each other.
Lu Chang’s arms loosened slightly as he raised his head from her shoulder, his eyes clear as water, gazing at her calmly and tenderly.
Ming Shu stood on tiptoe, wrapped her arms around his neck, pulled his head down, and closed her eyes to kiss him.
The hands at her waist tightened, and her toes left the ground as he lifted her by the waist, turning to press her against the wall.
Their lips entwined, inseparable.
The wooden hairpin in his hair fell to the ground with a “thunk,” his black hair cascading down. Ming Shu’s hands ran through his hair, her other hand clutching his inner robe’s collar, all sensation reduced to the flame-like caress of their lips.
This desperate embrace, this touch of skin, seemed to let her briefly forget the world’s sorrows.
Lu Chang’s lips finally stopped at her ear, he bit her earlobe hard then released it, his forehead pressed against the wall as he gasped for breath.
They couldn’t continue.
Once tasted, desire would become uncontrollable.
Ming Shu let out a whimper like a cat’s mew, falling soul-stirringly into Lu Chang’s ears. He wasn’t one to indulge in physical pleasures; though he had been near women before and understood such pleasures, Ming Shu had awakened his instincts… He was nearly losing control.
“Shu, enough.” He dared not look at her, his remaining reason pulling him back.
The time was right, the place was right, and their relationship was right.
“Now… is not… appropriate…” He hurriedly put her down and turned to enter the kitchen.
Ming Shu also slowly exhaled a long breath.
Lu Chang stayed alone in the kitchen for a long while before regaining his composure and returning to the room. Night had fallen completely, the yellow lamplight still illuminating the room. Ming Shu had already curled up on the bed, hugging her knees against the wall, half-covered by the thin blanket sitting on the inner side of the bed, watching him quietly when she heard him enter.
Neither spoke first, only their gazes meeting in the dim light.
Lu Chang’s heart surged as Ming Shu tilted her head slightly, those watery eyes staring straight at him as if inviting him.
This invitation carried her challenge, a touch of playful mischief, thick with innocent purity, yet bewitchingly alluring as if laughing—dare you? This bed, this person, even though you’re clean now, do you dare come up?
Before Bianjing, lived together, he had often been attracted to her, but those unconscious, secretly growing feelings couldn’t compare to tonight when all these never-before-shown bewitching charms were aimed at him like weapons.
Never had any moment like tonight made him so thoroughly understand that he was just a mortal man.
Lu Chang closed his eyes briefly, sensing that tonight would be exceptionally difficult to endure.
“Sleep,” he said, clenching his fists as he lay down.
Ming Shu looked at his rigid posture, completely lacking his usual flowing grace, and suddenly laughed.
“Lu Chang, you make me feel like I’m a demon from a story, specifically preying on scholars’ souls,” Ming Shu remained sitting, teasing him as a host rather than a guest. “Poor scholar, what are you afraid of?”
Lu Chang endured for a moment, then reached out to pull her under the covers: “Miss Jian, are you truly afraid?”
Ming Shu turned to face the wall, feeling the warmth of his chest against her back, and closed her eyes: “I’m tired, let’s sleep.”
After a long while, though neither knew if the other was asleep, Lu Chang whispered in her ear: “The poor scholar Lu Chang from Jiangning loves Miss Jian from the Jian family, sincerely asks to marry her, promising one life, one world, one couple, never parting in life or death. Shu, are you still willing to be my wife?”
Ming Shu’s answer also came after a long time: “One year, Lu Chang, can you wait?”
He would use his best years to wait for her year of mourning to pass.
“I can wait,” Lu Chang held her tight.
A lifetime, he could wait.
August passed with that night, and September’s autumn deepened, the world outside the house seeming to grow a few degrees colder.
Today Ming Shu indeed brought back a basket of river shrimp and four river crabs, along with half a wild duck, tofu, tender ginger, Chinese cabbage, and other ingredients. Ming Shu had also picked some wild chrysanthemums.
The cottage door was closed, the autumn wind kept outside, the room as usual full of bustling warmth.
The autumn crabs were at their richest. Steamed with ginger and chrysanthemums, fragrance filled the house. The crab shells opened to reveal rich roe and cream. After removing the heart, lungs, stomach, and mouth, a shell full of golden roe remained. Drizzled with ginger vinegar, eaten in one mouthful, the vinegar cutting through the fishiness, leaving only pure deliciousness filling the mouth, lingering unforgettably.
This was Ming Shu’s favorite way to eat them.
Though Lu Chang had cleaned all four crabs’ roe and cream for her, he worried she might get stomach aches from eating too much cold food. But seeing her eat with such pleasure, her face showing rare contentment these days, he swallowed his concerns and only reminded her to chew more ginger.
The remaining crab body and legs, which Ming Shu liked but found troublesome, were all given to Lu Chang.
Lu Chang broke off the meatiest section of the crab leg, used the pointed end to poke through the shell, and the meat came out whole from the other end. Lu Chang offered it to her mouth, and she bit it off in one go.
“So you do like eating it?” he teased her.
Ming Shu giggled—she just found it too troublesome herself.
After finishing the crabs, they didn’t waste the steaming liquid either. They added Chinese cabbage and torn flatbread, finally seasoning with a little salt and sesame oil. Though light, it carried the crab’s fragrance, endlessly satisfying.
Having had crab for lunch, they saved the shrimp for dinner.
For each meal, Lu Chang arranged everything perfectly for her, neither letting her go hungry nor letting her eat too much.
Ming Shu felt she could live like this until the end of time.
But however good the days were, they still had to return to serious matters.
“Lu Chang, how many men did you bring when you left the capital?” After eating, Ming Shu held hot tea, sitting in the narrow room as she asked him.
Lu Chang didn’t conceal anything: “The men Uncle Wei gave me before all came along, staying hidden around the house for protection, eight in total.”
So she did not need to worry about Jiao Chunlu’s surveillance; if they made any move, Lu Chang would know first.
Ming Shu glared at him: “Only eight people?”
Lu Chang then took out a dark blue token about the size of a palm from his waist and gently placed it on the table: “Uncle Wei’s token. With this, in case of emergency, we can request assistance from local garrison troops in any prefecture. We’re in Lin’an, which is guarded by Lin’an garrison troops, under Cao Hai’s jurisdiction.”
Although small in scale, once local troops became involved, it would be a different matter entirely.
“Lin’an’s garrison troops can fight against Jiangning’s garrison troops, but if it’s about eliminating bandits within the jurisdiction, Lin’an’s troops would have sufficient reason to deploy,” Ming Shu sipped her tea, speaking slowly. “Cao Hai has been maintaining private armies under the guise of bandits. Since they’re bandits, if they enter Lin’an, there would be justification.”
Lu Chang frowned: “Shu, what are you planning?” He shook his head thoughtfully, “You can’t… that’s too dangerous…”
“Lu Chang, though I’ve changed my mind about harming the Cao family members, Cao Hai… I must capture him myself,” Ming Shu said coldly.
Cao Hai, Jiao Chunlu—those who had once been stained with the Jian family’s blood, she wouldn’t let any of them go.