They spoke about children again.

Mu Wanyao sat in Yan Shang’s embrace, listening as he talked about his conversation with his father. Her hand trembled in his grip, and she tried to stand up to leave.

But Yan Shang held her wrist gently yet firmly, not letting her go until he finished speaking.

Mu Wanyao stared at him in a daze. She had told him long ago that if he didn’t mind, she wouldn’t either. She had acted as if it didn’t matter, but it was still painful.

Every time she thought about it, it felt like a tiny needle piercing her heart.

In life, one needs to balance their suffering and joy.

Don’t lose hope in times of pain, but also don’t constantly dwell on suffering during moments of happiness. In short, don’t be greedy.

But she was human, raised on the five grains, made of flesh and blood.

Being human meant having desires and delusions. She hadn’t truly transcended worldly concerns. The more she loved someone, the more she hated the past, hated that she couldn’t have a child with him…

Mu Wanyao’s eyelashes grew damp.

Yan Shang looked down at the woman in his arms. He had been observing her closely, and seeing her eyes grow wet with hints of hatred and pain, he lowered his head to caress her face.

His fingers rested on her cheek as he bent down to kiss her eyelashes, smiling: “What’s this about? Didn’t we agree it didn’t matter?”

Mu Wanyao pressed her lips together.

She suddenly said: “Actually, it’s all my fault. I didn’t know I would meet you, didn’t know I would come to like you this much. If I had known earlier, I definitely wouldn’t have treated myself so badly. Have I ever told you that I had a child before…”

Mu Wanyao lowered her eyes, speaking softly: “I gave it up myself. I killed my child with my own hands. Chunhua told me it was stillborn, but I never looked at it once.”

Yan Shang froze for a moment.

She continued in a daze: “I couldn’t look. If I wanted to leave Wuman, I couldn’t have any attachments there. If that child had grown up, they would have become a threat to my existence, and I would never have been able to leave Wuman. Look at Chunhua – once she had a child, she couldn’t leave the palace. I wanted to take her with me, but she couldn’t go.

“That’s what I was afraid of.

“But I was particularly cruel, wasn’t I?”

As if feeling her pain, his grip on her wrist tightened and his shoulders tensed.

Yan Shang pulled her tightly into his embrace, letting her face rest against his neck. His voice lowered, full of restraint: “It’s my fault. I shouldn’t have brought this up and made you sad. I thought… we could talk about it.

“But I didn’t mean to make you remember unpleasant things. Yaoyao, I’m sorry, let’s not speak of it anymore.”

Tears welled in Mu Wanyao’s eyes, but she couldn’t help smiling. She said softly: “Why are you like this?”

She lifted her face to look at his features.

Mu Wanyao spoke in a daze: “I wasn’t good before. After returning from Wuman, I didn’t take proper care of myself. I gave up on myself for several years because I never wanted to have children again. But after marrying you, Brother, I increasingly wished… if only I could give you a child.”

She caressed his brows and eyes, lost in thought: “Boy or girl wouldn’t matter, as long as it was our child. They would have your eyebrows and eyes, and long hair like mine. It would be best if their temperament was like Second Brother’s – if a boy, he would be gentle as jade; if a girl, she would be graceful and demure.

“Their scholarship would be like mine. Second Brother would teach them reading and writing, while I would teach them music, chess, poetry, and painting. I would often get angry and scold them. Second Brother would then comfort them, telling them that I love them, that I just have a bad temper.

“Second Brother would teach them to love me too.

“I just want one child. Our family… just the three of us would be enough.”

She choked up further: “So many villains and rogues in this world have children, and I’m not a great evil person, while you, Second Brother, are such a good person. I made sacrifices for Great Wei by entering that political marriage, and now I care about the people’s welfare just like Second Brother – that’s meritorious for the realm. With all these good deeds we’ve done, can’t we be rewarded with just one child?”

Yan Shang held her tight, murmuring: “Yaoyao…”

Mu Wanyao rubbed her eyes with her hand, then lifted her reddened eyes upward – her eyes were rimmed with red but her gaze was like snow.

She was both sorrowful and defiant: “Actually, after marrying Second Brother Yan, I had thought that if I couldn’t bear children myself, maybe I should let someone else have a child with Second Brother. I thought about how such a good person as Second Brother couldn’t go through life without an heir, subject to others’ criticism.

“No matter how much merit you achieve for the realm, no matter how much you accomplish, without a child… in official circles, in society’s judgment, it would affect everything.”

Yan Shang gripped her hand even tighter, looking at her in shock, never having imagined she had harbored such thoughts.

Having just cried, Mu Wanyao curved her eyes in a smile at his excessive shock, finding him adorable.

Mu Wanyao mumbled: “Why are you so shocked? I’m just that kind of bad princess. A bad princess who loves you, who both wants you and protects you, who doesn’t want you to face mockery from others. If your political enemies use this against you, I would die of anger.”

Yan Shang frowned: “What nonsense have you been thinking? I would never… do that… with other women.”

Mu Wanyao lifted her chin.

She said proudly: “Of course you wouldn’t. Having slept with a great beauty like me, how could you possibly like other ordinary women?”

Yan Shang: “…”

He couldn’t help but laugh. Even the most sorrowful topics had to yield to her cuteness.

She made him both embarrassed and fond, unable to resist reaching out to pinch her cheeks.

Yan Shang’s eyes, clear as spring water, swept over her chattering rouge-red lips as he smiled: “Let me see, how has Your Highness started talking nonsense again? Why does our little princess always learn the bad things and not the good?”

Mu Wanyao hugged his neck, acting coquettish: “Because Second Brother spoils me!”

Yan Shang pinched her cheek, and she immediately cried out: “You’re not spoiling me anymore!”

Yan Shang said softly: “At least I won’t indulge your foul language.”

Mu Wanyao buried her face in his neck, rolling her eyes.

Yan Shang: “My lady is not allowed to roll her eyes.”

Mu Wanyao protested: “But I didn’t!”

As they played around like this, the sorrowful atmosphere quickly dissipated.

This was how it was when relationships were good – topics would drift easily, and there was nothing to be done about it.

After squirming in Yan Shang’s embrace for a while and being patted by him several times, Mu Wanyao, red-faced, bit his chin and teased him for quite some time before finally remembering with difficulty what they had been discussing originally.

Mu Wanyao: “I know you won’t sleep with other women. You’re the most moral gentleman I’ve ever met. You restrict yourself so much – sometimes I hate how strict you are with yourself, and sometimes I love this self-torturing restraint of yours.

“After marrying you, I asked the Imperial Physicians about my body, whether I could recover after a few years of treatment, whether I could have children. They were evasive, saying it might be possible. I knew then that those old foxes were all unwilling to give me a straight answer. Their vagueness meant the possibility was extremely low.

“But it’s better than nothing.”

Yan Shang immediately lowered his head: “You’ve been treating your body?”

Mu Wanyao nodded.

Yan Shang fell silent for a moment, his hand massaging her wrist, his voice somewhat hoarse: “How did I not know…”

Seeing his expression, Mu Wanyao knew he was starting to blame himself again. He would surely think it was because of him that she sought treatment. And he would feel that this process wasn’t good, that she would be under pressure, that she would suffer…

Mu Wanyao quickly reassured him: “As clever as you are, how could I hide anything from you? You didn’t know because I wasn’t making a big fuss about it or being particularly obsessive about the treatment. I was just normally taking some medicine and supplements, not running around seeking famous doctors or anything.

“Don’t be sad, my attitude has been quite good, and I’m not suffering. Second Brother, think about our years of marriage – how many times have you seen me looking sickly? I really haven’t been torturing myself, I still have a mindset of letting things take their natural course… don’t worry.”

Yan Shang’s mind began recalling various subtle clues.

In his memory, she was always happy and bouncy when she saw him, hugging and kissing him. There had been no signs of her looking haggard or nauseated from taking too much medicine.

After a while, he collected himself, slowly nodded, and believed her words.

Yan Shang asked softly: “And then?”

Mu Wanyao: “Then I just treated my body. Although I felt it wasn’t very useful, I still held some hope. But we were so intimate, our bedroom activities weren’t infrequent, yet my belly showed no signs… I became discouraged and started to give up.

“That’s when I thought about getting you a child. To give you some medicine, force you to sleep with a woman I had chosen, to produce a child. But I was selfish too, only wanting to give you one chance. If you still didn’t have a child then, I would give up.”

Yan Shang rebuked her: “Nonsense!”

He became somewhat unsettled, his face darkening, never having imagined Mu Wanyao had such thoughts.

He was truly angry now, shaking his sleeve as he moved to leave. Mu Wanyao pressed down on his rising motion and immediately leaned in to kiss him.

Their lips and tongues entwined thoroughly.

Yan Shang resisted, but she held his chin.

Since she was in his arms, he couldn’t push her away, so he just refused to open his mouth.

But Mu Wanyao knew him too well. Her fingers caressed his slightly stubbled chin while her other hand slipped inside his formal robes, gently massaging his waist.

His waist was sensitive, and he suddenly shifted. He frowned and gasped, his hand gripping hers tightly, fingers curling and trembling, quickly surrendering to her taking advantage of the situation.

Seeing his emotions settle, Mu Wanyao finally released him.

Yan Shang complained: “Using this trick again! Is this the only trick you know!”

Though he scolded her, Mu Wanyao didn’t respond. Her eyes, bright as if washed by water, gazed at his reddened lips, the way he gasped and moaned softly making her heart flutter.

Not getting any response or reflection from her, he looked down at her.

Yan Shang’s black, moist eyes looked over, so clear and pure, while Mu Wanyao’s mind instantly filled with yellow, dirty thoughts.

Control, control.

Important matters first.

Although Mu Wanyao’s hand was massaging his waist, she had already become somewhat distracted from the important matters.

Mu Wanyao said carelessly: “What’s the hurry? I only thought about it, I didn’t succeed, right? Because I didn’t want you to sleep with other women either. I never actually did anything, did I?”

Yan Shang said hatefully: “Thankfully you didn’t.”

Afraid she might have such thoughts again, he held her wrist and emphasized: “I don’t need that. If you did such a crazy thing, I would ignore you.”

He felt his threat of ignoring her seemed rather weak and unintimidating.

He emphasized again forcefully: “Really ignore you. For several years! Ignore you!”

Mu Wanyao burst out laughing.

Yan Shang was annoyed: “I’m talking to you, what are you laughing at again?”

Mu Wanyao thought about laughing at how adorable he was.

She smiled sweetly and coquettishly, lovingly hugging his neck, holding his face, and kissing him all over. As he struggled to dodge, Mu Wanyao put on a stern face: “What are you emphasizing for? Didn’t my Imperial Father give you medicine to prevent heirs? After that incident, I completely gave up.

“If you hadn’t recently talked nonsense with your father, I wouldn’t have even thought about it.”

Yan Shang felt relieved.

He examined her for a moment, then lowered his shoulders and embraced her tenderly.

He kissed her face, and seeing her eyes narrow in apparent comfort, his heart suddenly felt shy and embarrassed. Mu Wanyao was always so honest about his touch, her reactions telling him she liked when he touched her.

For someone as reserved as him, there could be no better encouragement than this.

Yan Shang said gently: “So you see, it’s nothing. Life rarely has perfect tens, and I’m already satisfied with nine out of ten. It doesn’t matter if we don’t have children, having you is enough. Having you accompany me brings joy to my heart, anything more would just be icing on the cake, it doesn’t matter if we don’t have it.”

Worried she might still feel discontent about this, he reddened and forced himself to say things he would normally never say—

“Besides, not having children is quite good too. You won’t get pregnant, so I, I can do that with you whenever we want, can just do that. I, I can go inside, without worrying about it being bad for you.”

“You don’t need to drink contraceptive medicine. I’ve heard it’s bad for a lady’s health, I don’t want you to drink it. But I won’t be able to control myself… so not having children is quite, quite good.

“I’ve heard, heard that many men, fearing their wives getting pregnant multiple times, at the final moment can’t, can’t… have to pull out. I, I don’t need to…”

He mumbled and stammered, speaking hesitantly, whispering many things in her ear.

At first, Mu Wanyao listened in confusion, not knowing what he meant by “that thing” now and then, but as he avoided her gaze and stammered halfway through, Mu Wanyao understood.

She leisurely enjoyed his embarrassment, watching him with his face flushed red, still bravely expressing his complete meaning under her meaningful gaze.

After Yan Shang finished speaking, sweat formed on his forehead.

He turned his face away, letting out a soft breath.

Mu Wanyao held his chin and made him turn to face her, teasing him: “I don’t understand what you’re saying, say it again?”

She feigned innocence: “What is your ‘that thing’? What pulling out? What final moment? Are you practicing martial arts? What powerful technique, do I know it?”

Yan Shang: “…”

He complained: “You’re at it again.”

He lowered his head, his hair falling over his bright red ear tips, saying: “You know what I’m talking about, you just like to make fun of me. Why do you always make fun of me? I never mock you, but you always mock me.”

Seeing that he seemed truly upset, Mu Wanyao finally stopped teasing.

She smiled and jumped off his lap herself, clapping her hands: “Alright, alright, I’ll stop teasing you. It’s just that you’ve been so comfortable lately, I wanted to see you blush. You rarely get embarrassed now, but you’re most fun when you’re embarrassed.

“Anyway… about children, Second Brother Yan and I have reached an understanding, right? Let’s let nature take its course, not think too much about it.”

Yan Shang nodded.

When he talked to her today about his father’s words, he had meant to express this idea of letting nature take its course. He hadn’t expected these few simple words would lead to such a long discussion.

Thinking they had finally settled the matter, he showed a slight smile. Yan Shang stood up. As soon as he stood, Mu Wanyao excitedly grabbed his sleeve and pulled him over.

Yan Shang was confused.

Mu Wanyao’s eyes sparkled: “Where are you going?”

Yan Shang said gently: “To check on the magistrate’s office.”

Mu Wanyao: “Is there important official business?”

Yan Shang sheepishly: “Not really. I just want to take a look.”

Mu Wanyao: “If it’s not important, don’t go. Second Brother Yan, let’s go to bed.”

Yan Shang froze.

He looked at her in surprise, the corners of his eyes instantly flushing red.

Mu Wanyao was bewildered by his innocence: “You told me so many things about bed, don’t you feel anything? I thought you wanted to make love with me in the bedroom. You tempted me so strongly, I understand now.”

Yan Shang was confused by her matter-of-fact surprise, but couldn’t help smiling: “…I didn’t.”

Mu Wanyao: “Outside of bed you always say ‘I didn’t.'”

She tilted her cheek, playfully counting his reserved behaviors on her fingers: “The one blushing wasn’t you, the one looking at me with expectant eyes wasn’t you, the one playing hard to get wasn’t you. You were always innocently led to bed by me, but you’re the purest and cleanest, thinking nothing, it was I who wanted you to enter the mortal realm, to be stained by love.

“The one overcome with desire wasn’t you, the one holding me and mumbling wasn’t you. The one who pushed me down wasn’t you, the one who liked certain positions wasn’t you… everything was my coercion, you were innocent.”

Yan Shang immediately reached out to cover her mouth.

He was grateful they were in their room, where he could stop her from talking nonsense by covering her mouth. He helplessly glared at her, her eyelashes fluttering against his palm, her eyes pure but with an upturned tail that hooked his soul.

Yan Shang’s skin burned hot, and after a while, he said: “…Lower the bed curtains.”

So the couple took an afternoon nap.

Spring drowsiness and summer lethargy, there was no helping it—

In the border region of Jiangnan, Yan Xiaozhou had been following an elderly doctor practicing medicine here for over a year.

She followed her teacher in and out of military camps, and because of her gentle nature and beautiful appearance, along with her caring attitude toward the wounded, the gentlemen in the camp, all had a great fondness for her. Many secretly asked the old doctor if they could seek to marry Sister Xiaozhou.

But later, everyone discovered with disappointment that while Sister Xiaozhou was kind to everyone, she took particular care of one person.

That former noble Yang Sanlang who now did hard labor at the border was the one Yan Xiaozhou followed.

In the first half of last year, Consort Zhao Ling also came here looking for Yang Si and then stayed here for him. Unlike Yan Xiaozhou who practiced medicine, Lady Zhao acted as a knight-errant, carrying herself with the air of a wandering hero.

The soldiers doing hard labor envied Yang Si’s romantic fortune, with two ladies coming for him one after another, and those two ladies seemed to get along well, often playing together.

Such good fortune to have both beauties following him in harmony, without complaints between them – how lucky Yang Si was!

But Yang Si, whom the soldiers envied, was taciturn, spending his days working without mixing with others. Yesterday, when he heard someone joking about him with Yan Xiaozhou and Zhao Ling, for the first time in his nearly two years here, he became angry and beat the person severely.

Yang Si’s martial arts ability to fight a hundred men alone spread throughout the military camp.

In the afternoon, Yan Xiaozhou followed her teacher to the military camp to check on previously wounded soldiers. After rebandaging all the wounded, she didn’t see Yang Si. Yan Xiaozhou stood lost in thought outside the tent for a moment, then a soldier passing by pointed her in the right direction: “Yang San went to take someone else’s guard shift, he’ll be back soon.”

Yan Xiaozhou’s face immediately reddened.

She explained softly: “Because yesterday I saw Third Brother’s arm was injured, but unfortunately I didn’t have medicine then, so I brought medicine today.”

The soldier, having been beaten by Yang Si, no longer dared to gossip about the two, and responded properly: “Miss Xiaozhou is kind-hearted.”

Yan Xiaozhou’s face grew hotter, she lowered her head and hastily thanked him, feeling that the more she explained, the more wrong it seemed.

She bit her lip somewhat frustratedly, thinking how good it would be if she could be expressionless like Third Brother.

And thinking of Yang Si, a hint of melancholy arose in Yan Xiaozhou’s heart… his current silence and expressionlessness, how much suffering had he endured to become that way? How could she envy the traces left by others’ pain?

After self-reflection for a while, although embarrassed, Yan Xiaozhou still wanted to see Yang Si. She thought to herself, caring for him as a friend, what was there to avoid? Sister Lingfei encouraged her too – Sister Lingfei said Third Brother needed them.

Half an hour later, Yan Xiaozhou climbed up a hillside. As she held her knees catching her breath, she looked up to see the young man’s towering and straight figure.

He sat cross-legged under an old tree, eyes looking into the distance, his facial features particularly stern. Not even the slightest movement escaped his eyes, his gaze swept over like lightning, and when he saw Yan Xiaozhou, his eyes fixed on her for a moment, the sharpness melting away.

He coldly averted his gaze.

Yan Xiaozhou stood behind him, the tall tree shading them both. She smiled brightly: “So it’s so cool here, that’s why Third Brother doesn’t want to return after finishing his guard shift.”

Yang Si didn’t speak.

He was like a stone statue.

Yan Xiaozhou knelt beside him, gently reaching out to support his arm. Yang Si stiffened, turning his face to look at her.

She lowered her head, her face somewhat flushed, both shy and gathering courage: “Didn’t you hurt your arm fighting someone yesterday? Let me take a look.”

She felt his gaze on her.

Yan Xiaozhou waited silently but firmly for his response.

After a long while, she finally heard Yang Si’s somewhat complex voice: “You… why are you so stubborn? Your brother doesn’t seem to be like this.”

Yan Xiaozhou’s eyes showed amusement.

She looked up, and as their eyes met, she cleverly caught his softening attitude. Yan Xiaozhou’s lips curved in a smile: “My brother is very stubborn too. You just don’t know it.”

She turned her face, biting her lip: “…Take off your clothes.”

Yang Si clicked his tongue and laughed.

Her eyelids burning hot, Yan Xiaozhou said slightly annoyed: “What!”

Yang Si laughed: “I’m talking to you, not to let you apply medicine. I want to ask for your help, to pass a message to your Second Brother. I don’t have any close contacts in court now, I only know Yan Er, such a capable person in high position. Although your Second Brother is far from Chang’an now, I think if he wants to send a message to Chang’an, it would still be effortless.”

Yan Xiaozhou looked up, noticing the seriousness within his lazy smile.

Yang Si leaned over, and Yan Xiaozhou remained motionless.

As he admired her tenacious character and great courage, he whispered in her ear: “After taking others’ guard shifts for months, I’ve noticed changes in Wuman’s situation. Or rather, the internal strife of the entire Southern barbarians and their previous patterns are different… as if carefully rehearsed to lull us into complacency.

“I thought I was wrong, but after observing several more times, I’m now certain that the Southern barbarians must have something we don’t know about.”

Yan Xiaozhou looked into his eyes.

Their breaths intermingled.

The soldiers watching them from below occasionally cast a glance, and spat, thinking these lovers could engage in such ambiguous behavior themselves yet feared others talking about it, and even dared to beat people.

The wind was strong on the hillside, Yang Si held Yan Xiaozhou’s hand. Such behavior was all to guard against possible spies in the army.

The handsome and cold young man pressed against the lady’s face, as if whispering sweet nothings, but actually telling her all his observations from the past few days, so she could remember them, write to her Second Brother, and warn Chang’an.

Yan Xiaozhou stared at him: “No wonder you’ve been often taking others’ guard shifts lately, so it was for this.”

Yang Si pulled at the corner of his mouth.

Yan Xiaozhou: “Why don’t you tell the general here?”

Yang Si self-mockingly: “I did, but no one believes me. They think that because of my crime of rebellion, I harbor hatred for Great Wei, that I want Great Wei to be in chaos, and no one listens to me.”

Yan Xiaozhou: “Don’t you want Great Wei to be in chaos?”

Yang Si looked into her eyes.

He lowered his eyes, saying: “This is where Brother Lang is buried, where you live, where my parents live. Why would I want Great Wei to be in chaos? Xiaozhou… you must pass the message to Yan Er, he can stop these things.”

Yan Xiaozhou nodded.

Realizing the importance of this matter, after pondering for a while, she no longer made small talk with Yang Si. She got up, shouldered her medicine box and went down the hill, wanting to write the letter quickly so Second Brother would receive it soon.

Yang Si remained sitting cross-legged in place, watching her slim waist and the fine black hair strands swaying by her cheeks. She was delicate and soft, though made of flesh and blood like others, yet so different.

He was attracted by her spring-like radiance, warmed by her companionship.

Yang Si suddenly called out to her retreating figure: “Sister Xiaozhou!”

Yan Xiaozhou turned back, the wind blowing her hair and clothes.

Yang Si smiled, saying: “It’s nothing. Go ahead.”

Yan Xiaozhou paused for a moment, his gaze was cold, but when their eyes met, warmth burst forth from the depths of his eyes. For a moment, she caught the unspoken feelings in his heart.

Yan Xiaozhou chided: “What are you smiling at!”

But he kept smiling at her, and she couldn’t help but smile along with him.

The mountain wind gusted strongly, and a thousand words were resolved in their foolish smiles.

She waved to him, lifting her skirts as she ran down the hill. Yang Si watched her go, thinking of the bell she had given him two years ago.

He thought he should find that bell and hang it at his waist.