The biggest difference between Huan Zhou and Shun Yun lay in their boundaries.
Shun Yun, situated in a mountainous region, was a small county with distinct contours, split in half by the emerald Qin’an River’s curve. Two bridges connected to highways marked each end of the curve, clearly separating it from the outside world. In Huan Zhou, however, buildings stretched as far as the eye could see, making it impossible to find its edges.
Qiao Qingyu had never explored the limits of Chaoyang New Village, only knowing that the residential complex’s entrance near the bus stop deserved the phrase “commanding the mountains and rivers”—the people pouring out could fill all of Shun Yun.
When the bus slowly arrived, she was just one drop in the surge of people flowing toward the doors, her feet moving independently of her brain, her expression numb to the point of blurriness. Getting off wasn’t going to school; it was falling into a bottomless deep sea. Unlike in Shun Yun, the mocking expressions grew bolder with Qiao Qingyu’s silence, while the avoiding gestures became more resolute because she was new.
Qiao Qingyu couldn’t understand why rumors spread so quickly in Huan Zhou, reaching her parents’ ears in the noodle shop by the third day. Later she learned it was because someone had posted about both her “insulting” Ming Sheng and Qiao Baiyu on the Er Zhong forum and the local Huan Zhou BaBa forum.
Ming Sheng’s retorts constantly echoed in her mind. “Pitiful” and “boring” might be facts, “annoying” was hurtful but could be ignored, but “stupid”?
Qiao Qingyu couldn’t be certain how Ming Sheng had learned about Qiao Baiyu, but her instinct told her he was blindly copying Shun Yun’s rumors—”self-degrading” and “AIDS” were the two words that had haunted her nightmare for over two years. So, wasn’t his believing rumors the same as her believing her parents? What right did he have to call her stupid?
On a day when Qiao Jinyu came home, Qiao Qingyu found online that “AIDS complicated by appendicitis” was real, and saw claims that AIDS patients were more likely to develop appendicitis and face complications during treatment. Considering that normal appendix surgery only required a few days of recovery, and thinking about how her parents had stayed in Huan Zhou for two months before, Qiao Qingyu vaguely confirmed her suspicions.
However, she couldn’t run to Ming Sheng and use her discoveries to counter his calling her “stupid.” The rumors becoming truth left her feeling like she didn’t even dare to step into school.
Yet Qiao Jinyu begged her to take him and several classmates to watch Ming Sheng play basketball at Huan Er Zhong, reasoning that he had already promised his classmates, saying “My sister is in Ming Sheng’s class, it definitely won’t be a problem.” Qiao Qingyu angrily gave him a severe scolding.
“Sis, my classmates showed me that stuff online. I didn’t expect you to be so brave to scold Ming Sheng… But he didn’t do anything to you, right? They say he never messes with people in his class… You really should, since you’re in the same class, maintain good relations. That’s Ming Sheng we’re talking about! If it were me, I would’ve already…”
“He’s the one who spread sister’s story,” Qiao Qingyu interrupted the chattering Qiao Jinyu, “You spineless fool! Do you know how many cold shoulders I’ve gotten at school because of his words?”
“My classmates also ask about big sister, so I just tell them straight,” Qiao Jinyu smiled, “I’ll teach you a method. Keep some photos of your big sister from childhood to adulthood on your phone. When people ask, show them her pictures and pitifully say big sister was slandered by people back home. Then they’ll believe you… The guys in my dorm were mesmerized when they saw big sister’s photos, they nodded at everything I said… Go show them to Ming Sheng, you must show him!”
“Do you believe sister was slandered?” Qiao Qingyu asked thoughtfully, “All those messy rumors, were they just people making trouble out of nothing?”
“Who cares,” Qiao Jinyu waved dismissively, “Nobody here knows big sister anyway, we can say whatever we want!”
After hesitating for a moment, Qiao Qingyu said: “I just looked up that appendix surgery only needs a few days. The day Dad got the call, he told us his sister was already in surgery, so he and Mom rushed over that night. Then they stayed in Huan Zhou for two months—why?”
“Wasn’t it because of the major bleeding later?”
“But why was there major bleeding?” Qiao Qingyu fell into deep thought, “Why did people suddenly say their sister had AIDS?”
The three words “AIDS” made Qiao Jinyu draw in a sharp breath: “Sis, can we family members not mention…”
“Can’t we talk about it?” Qiao Qingyu looked at him, “Dad always says, an upright person fears no twisted shadow. If it’s false, why would Mom and dad lack the confidence to face it?”
Qiao Jinyu’s mouth fell open in shock: “No, sis, what do you mean?”
“I want to understand why mom and dad endured two months in Huan Zhou,” Qiao Qingyu said, “What happened with sister’s major bleeding, it was really because of AIDS.”
“Oh.”
“Help me ask them.”
“What?!”
“Just say your classmates keep asking about this, you can barely get by anymore,” Qiao Qingyu advised, “You board at school, classmate relationships are important. You can’t be ostracized because of your sister’s matter, right? Mom and Dad will understand.”
Qiao Jinyu shook his head repeatedly: “No way, how dare I mention big sister in front of mom and dad? You know…”
“I’ll let you guys into Er Zhong to watch Ming Sheng play basketball,” Qiao Qingyu interrupted Qiao Jinyu, “in exchange for you asking mom and dad.”
Qiao Jinyu was slightly stunned, then puzzled: “Sis, it’s been over two years, why dig up this troublesome matter now?”
“Everyone looks at me with colored glasses, I’m suffering,” Qiao Qingyu looked at him seriously, “Since I can’t refute it, I might as well die quickly and cleanly.”
Qiao Qingyu soon discovered she had overestimated Qiao Jinyu—this guy had no intention of honoring their exchange agreement. After watching the Er Zhong school team’s practice match, he disappeared with his sports school classmates and wasn’t seen until Sunday evening.
“It’s all because you can’t maintain good relationships with classmates, you’ve hurt me,” Qiao Jinyu complained to Qiao Qingyu over the phone, “At the gym, when people saw you, they deliberately stayed far away from us, making my classmates so nervous! Like we were the plague!”
“How is that my fault?” Qiao Qingyu shouted back without courtesy, “Did I get AIDS? I’m a victim too!”
“Can you stop saying those three words?!” Qiao Jinyu lost his temper at Qiao Qingyu for the first time.
Qiao Qingyu angrily hung up the phone and then fell into deep silence. After a long while, she came to her senses and found her lips were painfully bitten.
She paced around the room twice, looking for the calligraphy plaque that used to hang on the wall, wanting to put it under her feet and stomp it hard. But she couldn’t find it. Li Fanghao always kept things well; this useless yet unthrowable plaque was probably safely stored in some corner of her parent’s room.
And her parents’ room was always locked.
When Qiao Qingyu was young, she could freely enter her parents’ room, until the summer when Qiao Baiyu was advancing from seventh to eighth grade, when fifty yuan went missing from their parents’ desk drawer. That year Qiao Baiyu was thirteen, she was seven, and Jinyu was six. Their parents made them stand in a line for questioning but couldn’t get anything out of them.
As a child, Qiao Qingyu only thought Qiao Baiyu was a coward who wouldn’t admit her wrongdoing, but now she admired Qiao Baiyu’s determination. Never admitting it, not caring that her siblings were scolded along with her—this kind of resolution was something Qiao Qingyu couldn’t achieve—her conscience would interfere. Now, if Qiao Baiyu were still alive, she definitely wouldn’t be like her, caring so much about what others said.
Looking at the tightly closed door of her parents’ room, Qiao Qingyu thought that if it were her sister, she might have kicked it open in anger. She couldn’t do that; she had always despised Qiao Baiyu’s reckless disregard for consequences. But at this moment, for the first time, she also began to despise her own proudly held caution and thoroughness. This powerful force had led her onto a different path than her sister’s, but at the same time, it had woven a net around her, wrapping her so tight she couldn’t breathe freely.
About her sister, the truth that her parents had hidden away, there must be something carrying it in their room. For example, Qiao Baiyu’s medical records from back then, or documents from Qiao Lusheng’s subsequent lawsuit.
Finding just one of these would confirm her suspicions, allowing her to live clearly in this world of swirling rumors.
After the Mid-Autumn Festival, the weather turned cool. As Li Fanghao was leaving the house, she looked back at Qiao Qingyu hanging clothes on the balcony. Her younger daughter stood on tiptoes, stretching her thin arms toward the sky, looking just like a bird trying hard to spread its wings.
She immediately thought of Qiao Baiyu and realized with a start: When had Qingyu grown up?
Looking like a bird spreading its wings to fly, but a fish diving deep. The rumors that swept in again flooded this family like a deluge, and Qiao Qingyu appeared to be breathing the most steadily. Li Fanghao had heard from Qiao Jinyu that his sister wasn’t well-received at school and that his sister was suffering. But she couldn’t catch any ripples on Qiao Qingyu’s face. She studied diligently as usual, helped at the shop for an hour after school as usual, and faced others’ curious gazes with appropriate smiles as usual, as if telling her parents that everything was fine, and there was no need to worry.
It’s just that her eyes were as deep and calm as the sea. She had learned to hide herself.
Li Fanghao thought carefully and determined that Qiao Qingyu’s transformation had occurred after she had scolded her for texting that classmate called Ming Sheng. Since then, she’d had something on her mind, becoming more and more mature day by day.
When she returned home that evening, Qiao Qingyu had already taken down the clothes and was sitting on the sofa, watching the news channel while folding clothes neatly.
“Finished your homework?” Li Fanghao asked.
“Yes, and I’ve already showered.”
Li Fanghao walked into her room satisfied, putting down her shoulder bag just as she heard Qiao Qingyu knocking on the half-closed door.
“Mom, can I put your clothes on the bed?”
“Sure.”
The first time Qiao Qingyu came in, Li Fanghao was facing away, bending over hurriedly writing something in a notebook on the desk. The second time, Li Fanghao was stooping to get pajamas from the wardrobe. The third time, Li Fanghao sat at the foot of the bed waiting for her with a suspicious look.
“Couldn’t you bring all these clothes in at once? Isn’t it a waste of time going back and forth?”
Qiao Qingyu responded: “I’ll remember next time.”
She quickly put down the socks in her hand and turned to leave, but Li Fanghao caught her.
“Qingqing, sit down, let mom chat with you,” Li Fanghao patted the bed, “Come.”
Qiao Qingyu obediently sat beside Li Fanghao.
“How’s school?”
“It’s okay,” Qiao Qingyu replied, “Teachers teach very fast, sometimes I can barely keep up… My classmates are all very capable, many can balance studies and extracurricular activities… Of course, I know my task is just to study, not to think about other things…”
Li Fanghao’s deep gaze made her heart tremble.
“There are some things to get used to like the cafeteria doesn’t have any spicy dishes, not much flavor…”
“Tell mom honestly,” Li Fanghao suddenly took her hand, “Last time when mom called that male classmate of yours, were you angry with mom?”
Qiao Qingyu hesitated, then followed Li Fanghao’s lead: “I’m not angry anymore, Mom. I was wrong.”
“Mm,” Li Fanghao nodded, pulling Qiao Qingyu’s hand closer, her expression softening at Qiao Qingyu’s frankness, “It’s normal for you to be upset, but you need to understand why mom is so strict. It’s all for your own good… You’re grown up now, not a child anymore, you need to be aware of many things…”
She lowered her head, stroking Qiao Qingyu’s hand while speaking. Meanwhile, Qiao Qingyu discreetly observed the room’s layout. There was little furniture: an empty single desk by the window, a yellowing white plywood wardrobe by the door. Looking up, she found that familiar deep red calligraphy plaque placed on top of the wardrobe, uncovered, probably gathering dust.
“Mom wants to tell you something from the heart,” Li Fanghao raised her head, startling Qiao Qingyu into quickly withdrawing her gaze, “You like studying, that’s good, but as a girl, what’s more important is to maintain your dignity, and later find someone responsible to live a good life with… That’s what your father and I worry about most…”
“Mom,” Qiao Qingyu gripped Li Fanghao’s hand in return, “At this stage, I’ll focus on studying, not thinking about other things. After college graduation, I’ll find a good person and live a good life, don’t worry.”
This mature response left Li Fanghao speechless.
“It’s getting late, let me help you put away the clothes.” Qiao Qingyu stood up, opened the wardrobe, quickly surveyed it, turned back to give Li Fanghao an obedient smile, and efficiently sorted and folded the clothes and pants by category.
Li Fanghao watched her with satisfaction.
“I’ll go to sleep now, I need to get up early for school.” Qiao Qingyu said as she left the room, taking the initiative to close the door.
Closing her own room’s door, she jumped onto her bed like a carp.
Just now, while helping put away clothes, she had discovered a white metal box at the bottom of the wardrobe’s dark side.
It looked like a safe. Without a doubt, if she could get the safe’s key or password, all the questions in her heart would find answers.