When Ah Heng went to the counselor’s office to apply for a dormitory change, Du Qing happened to be withdrawing from the dorm.
The counselor found it strange: “What’s wrong? Is there conflict in your room?”
Du Qing smiled: “Teacher, you’re overthinking it. My mom says she never sees me, so she wants me to live at home. Ah Heng… she wasn’t planning to change dorms.” After speaking, she pulled Ah Heng out of the office.
Ah Heng shook off her hand behind her back and silently watched her without saying a word.
Du Qing raised her eyebrows: “You don’t need to do this. Everyone still cares about you. Yesterday when you ran away, they searched all night. You don’t need to move out because of me.”
Ah Heng said: “I broke up with Gu Feibai.” She lifted her eyes slightly, her lips resigned yet gentle, “I wish you both a lifetime of happiness.”
Du Qing leaned against the wall and lowered her head, her voice turning cold: “Yesterday you said you would never forgive me in this lifetime, is that…”
Ah Heng answered honestly: “It’s true. I won’t forgive you, and if possible, I don’t want to see you again.”
Du Qing remained silent for a long while before tossing her hair and looking up. She asked: “Can I hold your hand one more time?”
Ah Heng thought for a moment, grabbed her right hand with her left, her eyes showing slight wariness, and shook her head, saying softly: “No!”
Du Qing started coughing, seemingly having caught a cold. After a while, awkward tears appeared at the corners of her eyes as she smiled: “Everyone says Wen Heng is the easiest to get along with, both generous and accommodating. But they don’t know that your heart can’t be hurt. You’re a grudge-holding child who can remember heartbreak for a lifetime.”
Ah Heng lowered her head and said quietly: “I wasn’t like this originally. But you know, even the most insensitive heart will develop holes when hurt too many times.”
And then, the person who would patch those holes is no longer here…
Du Qing felt a pang in her heart as she looked at her: “Actually, you don’t love Gu Feibai, do you? You just hope someone can patch your holes like that person did. It doesn’t have to be Gu Feibai; it could be me, anyone from our dorm, or even a stranger, right? Just one affirming look would be enough, wouldn’t it?”
Ah Heng looked at her, her eyes like a mirror-like lake surface, yet tears slowly seeped out. She finally smiled, put her finger to her lips, and softly shushed: “Hey, let’s just be strangers.”
When Ah Heng returned to the dorm, everyone showed faces of delight followed by anger.
Third Sister slammed the table: “This child, can’t even say where she’s going, such a temper, all because… uh… you all spoiled her!”
Little Four remained calm: “We spoiled her? Give me a break, weren’t you the one always cupping her face and kissing her for no reason?” Then she gritted her teeth at Ah Heng, “I don’t care about her, this dead child. In such heavy snow, why didn’t you run out of the solar system, out of the universe, huh?”
Little Five slammed the table: “And what about my beauty sleep? I’m counting on this face to hook up with DJ Yan, are you going to compensate me?”
Big Sister Wu Ying hugged Ah Heng to her chest, frowning at Three, Four, and Five: “Alright, alright, why so much nonsense? The child’s back, that’s what matters. If you scare Little Six away again, I’ll throw all three of you and your beds out of 208.”
Ah Heng sniffled and struggled: “Big Sister, Big Sister, I can’t breathe.”
But Wu Ying held her even tighter, tenderly stroking her hair: “Don’t be impulsive again, okay? If anything’s wrong, tell us, we’ll figure it out together.”
Ah Heng stopped struggling, feeling warmth in her heart, and smiled: “I know.”
She said, that when she’s hungry, a single steamed bun makes her happy, but then a whole basket falls from the sky – what amazing fortune this is.
So, this is a silly girl who feels so blessed with just a bit of love that her stomach might burst.
So, what else can we say?
Finals were approaching.
During this time, Uncle Gu returned once from the military department. Looking at Ah Heng with deep regret and disappointment, he said: “I thought your father and I would become in-laws, after all, we’ve been lifelong friends, and I wouldn’t have failed his entrustment. But you, child…”
Whatever the case, her relationship with Gu Feibai couldn’t be called a fortunate connection anymore.
Ah Heng felt guilty, thinking of her father made her heartache. But besides apologizing, she couldn’t say anything else.
The middle-aged man sighed, taking out a credit card from his soft leather briefcase and handing it to her: “Your mother transfers money to this card every time. The tuition I usually give you comes from this.”
Ah Heng took the credit card, it’s surface cold against her skin. She frowned and opened her mouth, but Uncle Gu gently shook his head: “Don’t ask why. Just remember that even tigers don’t eat their cubs.”
He suddenly smiled, sighed, lit a cigarette, and took a deep drag: “Ah Heng, do you want to be the young lady of the Wen family or just an ordinary person?”
Ah Heng thought for a moment but didn’t know what to say. This question seemed somewhat absurd, or maybe, what did it have to do with her? It was as if talking about it would make her the center of the world, Nietzsche raising his arm.
She could only smile: “Uncle, even the young ladies of the Wen family are ordinary people. Look at Er’er, besides learning proper etiquette, she’s just a young girl who loves snacks and is picky about food.”
Uncle Gu held his cigarette between his yellowed fingers and gently patted her shoulder: “It’s good that you understand. None of these people are any good. Your grandfather, though high-ranking these years, has been constrained everywhere and isn’t very satisfied. Fortunately, your brother… is promising.”
Seeing Ah Heng’s confused face, he realized he had said too much and changed the subject, reminding her to take good care of herself and get along well with her classmates, and so on.
Yan Xi was getting along very well with his new girlfriend, though little Chu Yun was too energetic, exactly like his style back then. She even dared to shout “I’m the best in the world” while bungee jumping, which was something.
As soon as the rope was undone, the disheveled little girl burrowed into his arms: “Yan Xi, wuwuwu, it’s so cold and scary, I thought I was going to die!”
Yan Xi laughed shamelessly, turning his face: “Weren’t you the best in the world?”
Chu Yun bit her handkerchief with tears in her eyes: “In front of you, I feel like I’m the best in the world.”
Yan Xi became serious: “Child, you’re too idealistic. This is an illusion you shouldn’t have. I used to think the Earth revolved around me too.”
Chu Yun asked with watery eyes: “How long ago?”
Yan Xi held out his fingers, one, two, three, counting until he got confused.
Which year was it, how long ago? Damn, seems like he forgot.
Anyway, anyway, Young Master Yan said very manly and stylishly: “It’s fine, you can be the world’s best Dong Fang Bu Bai in front of me.”
Chu Yun: “Mm-hmm, just in front of you. But I won’t be Dong Fang Bu Bai, that’s a transsexual, don’t try to trick me.”
Yan Xi yawned: “You’re not stupid after all.”
Chu Yun poked him: “What’s wrong with you? You look so sleepy. Today is our first date, young master.”
Yan Xi said: “My phone broke, I took it for repairs.”
Chu Yun frowned: “What does that have to do with you not sleeping well?”
Yan Xi smiled: “What can I do? I can’t sleep without my phone, it’s an old habit.”
Chu Yun pouted, his living habits were a mess. Suddenly she saw something and patted Yan Xi, startled: “Ah ah ah, Yan Xi, look look!”
Yan Xi rubbed his eyes and turned around, looking at the distant amusement park almost covered in snow: “What?”
Suddenly, something soft and warm brushed against his cheek. He was surprised, seeing Chu Yun’s reddened face, and smiled but maintained his gentlemanly manner without saying anything more, taking her hand as they walked forward.
Chu Yun fussed: “I want ice cream, I want pizza, I want the biggest cream cookie.” She looked up at him, her whining subtle yet pure, tyrannical but uncertain.
Yan Xi took out his wallet, smiling: “Alright, but aren’t you women most afraid of getting fat?”
Chu Yun said bravely: “I’m not afraid. Yan Xi, I’m not afraid, I’m not afraid of anything.”
Her words carried double meaning as she looked into Yan Xi’s eyes, her voice crisp and impossible to disappoint.
Yan Xi smiled, loosening his slightly tight scarf, and said: “That’s good.”
Holding her hand, the coolness faded, leaving only warmth.
Chu Yun dragged Yan Xi onto the pirate ship ride three times in a row. She said: “I never rode this before because I had to maintain my image in front of the public and even strangers. How silly.”
Yan Xi watched her getting sick but still clutching his coat, handed her hot water, and rolled his eyes: “Now, you’re even sillier.”
She rinsed her mouth, stood straight, leaning slightly on his shoulder, her eyes curved in a smile: “We’re both silly.”
Silly people, we’re all the same.
That night, they drank a lot of alcohol together. Chu Yun ate food from street stalls and rolled up her sleeves, completely abandoning her image.
Looking at the snowy scene outside the window, she smiled: “Yan Xi, it’s time for poetic scenery. Quick, show me something – praise my beauty or how much you love me, either will do.”
Yan Xi said: “You’ve got the wrong person. I never even passed Chinese in high school. Lu Liu might be better, his old man used to force him to memorize Three Hundred Tang Poems when he was little.”
Chu Yun laughed: “Hey, at least let me enjoy the feeling of being pursued!”
Yan Xi had a headache. Women, damn it, so troublesome.
Then, searching through his memories, he suddenly recalled a smiling lip, opening, and closing, also on a winter day, reciting in soft, warm tones: “Green ants ferment new wine, red clay warms the small stove. Evening comes as snow threatens – shall we drink a cup together?”
Then hugging a whole bottle of aged wine, looking at him with a chuckle.
Those eyes were so gentle.
But Chu Yun shook her head: “That’s not good, too simple, not interesting.”
Yan Xi came to his senses, realizing he had recited along with his memory. Playing with his wine glass, he said: “Yeah, it’s not very good.”
“But this is the only one I can remember, what can I do?”
Chu Yun puffed her cheeks: “What’s the use of being good-looking!”
Yan Xi replied coolly: “Fix your face before criticizing me.”
Chu Yun tugged at Yan Xi’s cheek: “Can’t you give in to me a little? I’m your girlfriend, your girlfriend!”
Yan Xi: “Oh, girlfriend, wipe your mouth, there’s soy sauce all over it.”
Chu Yun: “Yan Xi, you don’t keep your word. What did you say back then? You said you—”
Yan Xi kissed her cheek lightly like a dragonfly touching water: “Alright, you talk too much.” He turned around to call for the bill, leaving only a blushing statue across the table, smiling foolishly.
She said: “Yan Xi, I really like you, really really like you.”
Yan Xi “hmmed,” nodding: “I know.” Listening earnestly as they walked in the snow.
Chu Yun said: “I seem to have so much courage when I’m with you.”
Yan Xi raised an eyebrow: “So?”
She smiled: “So, Yan Xi, you need to try harder, to forget your first love.”
Yan Xi was stunned: “First love? Do you mean my kindergarten first love or elementary school first love?”
In Young Master Yan’s mind, he had countless first loves: the little aunt who fed him in kindergarten, the pigtailed girl who shared her eraser with him during elementary school tests, the curly-haired girl in middle school, the pretty Mei Mei whom he kissed in an alley and got beaten up for in high school.
Uh, girlfriend, which one are you referring to?
Chu Yun laughed heartily: “Kindergarten, mm, kindergarten.”
She kicked up, splashing Yan Xi with snow.
There’s nothing to worry about, right, dear?
The development of Yan Xi and Chu Yun’s romance, according to the gossip press, had the effect of a rocket hitting the sun – that kind of heat, that kind of destructive force.
Yan Xi’s Fan Club was in despair, while Chu Yun’s male fans sat in protest outside the TV station. Meanwhile, the people involved just ate and drank as they pleased, holding hands, and dating away.
Yan Xi’s phone was fixed, ending his days of impersonating a panda with two dark circles under his eyes – cause for celebration.
Xin Dayi and Mary secretly observed and followed them for many days. Knowing Yan Xi was serious, they started playing the sympathy card, running to the Yan house to hug Little Hui, looking askance and sighing deeply.
Yan Xi smiled without humor.
Little Hui was happy to see Chu Yun. Children think simply – mainly because following Chu Yun meant getting meat to eat.
Of course, the noble and intelligent Lu Rou Fan greatly despised this – the little one typically followed whoever fed her, hopelessly. So it pecked hard at the little towel’s head, then flapped its small wings to fly to the second-floor window of the Wen house, shaking its little head, calling “Ah Heng, Ah Heng,” though no one knew who taught it that.
Mother Wen couldn’t help but laugh seeing Lu Rou Fan, pulling Yan Xi who came looking for it with an ashen face: “Look, look, the little one’s becoming spiritual.”
Yan Xi smirked, grabbing its wing, threatening quietly: “I’ll make soup out of you sooner or later.”
Lu Rou Fan looked at him, its small eyes black and glistening with tears.
“Ah Heng, Ah Heng,” it called pitifully, but Yan Xi’s expression turned cold. He nodded to Mother Wen: “Auntie, I’ll head back first, Chu Yun is waiting for me.”
Mother Wen said: “You’re so busy every day, with no time to take care of Lu Rou Fan and Little Hui, why not let me look after them for a while…”
Yan Xi smiled: “No need to trouble you, Chu Yun loves them and often takes them to her home.”
Mother Wen was relieved: “That’s good then.”
As Yan Xi was leaving Wen’s house, Si Er ran out. She stood behind him, hesitating for a long while. Yan Xi noticed and turned around with a slight smile: “Er’er, what’s wrong?”
Si Er looked at Yan Xi for a very long time before biting her lip and speaking: “Yan Xi, I was wrong.”
Yan Xi patted her head, quietly looking at her.
Si Er’s crystal eyes welled with tears as she spoke chokingly: “Brother, don’t be like this. I was wrong, those things about Ah Heng—”
Yan Xi calmly interrupted her: “Enough, it’s all in the past.”
Days passed unhurriedly, and as their relationship warmed, the 2003 Lunar New Year was approaching.
Chu Yun’s hometown wasn’t in B City. She planned to return home for the New Year to be with her parents, so before leaving, she insisted on staying out late with Yan Xi. They drank quite a bit at the bar, and perhaps because of mixing too many foreign spirits, even Chu Yun, who usually held her liquor well, got drunk.
Yan Xi was still sober and had no choice but to drive the drunk girl home. Chu Yun sat in the back, singing and making noise, occasionally opening the window to vomit.
Yan Xi drove stop-and-go, struggling the whole way, until finally, he got angry: “You brat, sit still, stop moving around!”
Chu Yun, with bleary drunk eyes, gave a salute, her voice slurred: “Yes, sir!” Then her head drooped as if she’d fallen asleep.
Yan Xi rubbed his brow, turned the steering wheel, and after half an hour of driving finally reached Chu Yun’s building. He dragged her to the third floor, fished out her keys from her handbag, and laboriously hauled her to bed before finally catching his breath.
When he got up to leave, she grabbed his sleeve.
She opened her eyes and looked at him quietly, saying: “Don’t go.”
Yan Xi raised an eyebrow: “You’re not drunk?”
She knelt on the bed and gently wrapped her arms around his neck, saying: “Yan Xi, don’t go, and don’t… wait anymore. You won’t get her back by waiting.”
Yan Xi smiled: “Who? Who am I waiting for?”
She said: “Yan Xi, you don’t love her, you just… can’t let go. Yan Xi’s no longer that child who needs your protection, she has her own happiness. Do you know? From the moment you left her, you were destined to lose her forever.”
Yan Xi’s eyes lost focus. Her words were like a sharp knife, viciously stabbing between his ribs, dripping blood.
Her eyes held pity, but she didn’t speak, only lowered her head to kiss his lips, cheeks, chin, every spot, pouring out all her tenderness, with lingering passion and emotion.
But from the suit pocket against his chest came a signal light, with a tinkling ring.
She took it out – there was no number, just a time reminder.
She pressed to answer.
“*cough* Do I have to say it? Fine, Yan Xi, good night.”
It was the first time she heard this voice, not belonging to cold machinery, but soft and tender, coming from the phone, quiet, warm, and resigned.
She looked up to see Yan Xi’s eyes already filled with something she couldn’t understand.
She didn’t want to call it… tenderness.
Her finger trembled as she tried to replay it, but Yan Xi snatched it back, pressed the right key to end it, and put it back against his heart.
Turning around, that woman was already in tears.
Yan Xi looked at her, emotions calmed, and spoke: “I’ll take you to the airport tomorrow. You’ve had too much to drink, get some good rest.”
She threw everything she could grab – cushions, desk lamps – at him, choking out: “The chance to love you that I fought so hard to win from Lu Liu. Do you know? Do you know?”
Yan Xi looked at her and sighed: “I know.”
She shook her head, tears flowing violently: “You don’t know, you don’t know how much I don’t want you to live so painfully, you don’t know how painful it is to love you!”
Yan Xi spoke softly: “I’m sorry.”
She said: “Go away, I don’t want you anymore. Yan Xi, get out, get out!”
Yan Xi looked at her quietly and spoke calmly: “There’s hangover medicine on the table, don’t forget to take it.”
But she broke down crying, and after a long while mumbled: “Don’t worry, I won’t let Lu Liu know how much you… miss Wen Heng.”
Yan Xi’s throat was dry as he nodded, bowed, said “thank you,” turned, and left.
He sat in his car as heavy snow fell outside the window.
He hugged his knees, watching the snow, laughing with tears flowing: “What’s so good about you? There are plenty who make better spare ribs than you, and they’re men too. There are plenty of prettier girls with livelier personalities than you, and they’re TV hosts who speak better Mandarin than you. You’re just Wen Heng, what’s so… good about you…”
Who the hell cares about you?!
Only a fool would wait for you, only a fool would think of you.
Playing the phone message over and over, that voice so gentle: “Yan Xi, ah, good night.”
Yan Xi, good night.