He planned a trip, alone, departing at the end of the year for exactly seven days.

Before leaving, he promised Mother Wen he would return to the Wen house for New Year’s. She must have worried about him facing that entire white building alone on a day meant for family reunions, feeling particularly lonely.

But Yan Xi smiled – what of it? The impact of Father Wen’s passing on the woman before him, who was like a mother to him, was evident.

She asked about his itinerary; Yan Xi said he would travel south.

Desolate eyes gazed at him.

Yan Xi sighed, gently embracing her: “Auntie, the south has more than just that one city, don’t worry.” Slightly lowering his head, his slender fingers following his hairline down, he spoke calmly, “Auntie, please stop pushing me.”

That huge pink bag had been abandoned for a long time. As Yan Xi packed his luggage, he felt inexplicably happy and excited, like a child going on a spring outing – he hadn’t felt this carefree in ages.

He put Tagore’s “Stray Birds” in his oversized coat pocket, but ended up falling asleep wrapped in a blanket on the plane.

Upon waking, he saw the pretty flight attendant and whistled softly, genuinely admiring, forgetting his frivolity.

He said: “I’ll have coffee, no sugar, no creamer, thank you.”

Then he watched with amusement as the flight attendant scowled while remaking the coffee.

A young mother next to him held a crying baby who wouldn’t stop no matter what. Other passengers looked over with displeasure.

The young mother, holding a milk bottle, was quite troubled and asked Yan Xi: “Could you hold him for me? He’s hungry, and I need to prepare his milk.”

Yan Xi was stunned but smiled and said: “Alright.”

“Both hands, careful, yes, support him like this.” The young mother instructed before leaving with the bottle.

Yan Xi held that soft little body, fingers stiff, lowering his big eyes to meet the baby’s gaze.

Seeing these big, big eyes that weren’t mama’s, the baby went “wuwuwuwu, mama, mama…” crying heartbreakingly.

Yan Xi made faces, crossed his eyes, and puffed his cheeks, trying to amuse the baby. The baby continued crying, face scrunched up in distress, feeling so wronged.

Yan Xi was speechless – cry more and I’ll eat you up.

The young mother came running back, putting the nipple in the baby’s mouth. Gulp gulp.

The baby watched the big-eyed man sweating and staring, those clear black and white eyes blinking and blinking, forgot to cry, let out a milky burp, and started giggling, reaching out tiny hands to grab his hair.

Yan Xi remembered the chocolate in his pocket, took it out, unwrapped it, and held it to the baby’s lips.

The baby licked and licked, laughed and laughed, drooling onto Yan Xi’s finger. Yan Xi smiled: “Why do you love laughing so much?”

The young mother also smiled: “His nickname is Xiao Xiao (Little Laugh).”

Yan Xi held the baby, contemplating: “Hmm, when I have a son in the future, I’ll call him Wa Ha Ha, and let him laugh every day too.”

The mother laughed heartily: “Your child will cry in the future.”

Yan Xi handed the baby back to his mother, crossed his hands behind his neck, smiled faintly, and closed his eyes: “Like this, life seems much more worth looking forward to.”

Of course, years later, facts would prove that when he held his baby and called him Wa Ha Ha, the little one ignored him, only staring at the new toy in his hands with big eyes, poking it, finding it fun, and hugging the toy for kisses, hugging daddy with the toy for kisses; when bored, throwing it on the ground, tottering over it, showing complete disdain.

He went to many places, following traces from many years ago.

The shipyard, plum blossoms, fishing villages, blue waves, black waters, small towns, the City God Temple.

He ate the white sugar cakes he had eaten many years before and saw children wearing tiger-head caps and the Lin family tofu shop where his written words had long since been stained.

At the City God Temple, a blind fortune teller asked him to draw a fortune stick, but after some thought, he declined.

Seeking wealth, peace, marriage – each seemed important, yet leaving it all to fate seemed somewhat sad.

Heaven ages easily, let alone human life.

Life is short, how many years of prime? Better not to realize it, to speak of oneself as not oneself.

Yan Xi stood before the dignified clay statue wreathed in incense smoke, his fingers wrapped in dark red prayer beads, palms together, bowing three times.

What to pray for?

Wealth beyond measure, noble titles, white horses, and fine furs.

For thousands of years, everyone the same, barely changing a word or two in their prayers.

But he raised his beautiful brows and smiled: “May the person I care for stay ten thousand li away from the inauspicious Yan Xi, never meeting in this life, safe and sound year after year.”

Keep her far from the person who brought her all misfortune and suffering.

Just let her be safe and sound year after year.

Even if… they never meet again in this life.

A young monk in robes sat beside the Buddha statue reciting sutras and tending lamps, hidden in shadows. He slightly opened his eyes to look at Yan Xi, and smiled with refined features showing scholarly air: “Benefactor, that’s not proper, not proper at all.”

Yan Xi sneered: “Young master monk, wipe the pastry crumbs from your mouth before lecturing us mortals.”

The young monk in robes “oh-ed”, casually dusted off his robes and mouth, carefully wrapped up his unfinished white sugar cake and tucked it in his sleeve, not finding anything improper about his actions, and smiled: “Benefactor, that’s not proper, not proper at all.”

Yan Xi twitched: “Do you have anything else to say?”

The young monk’s eyes seemed to contain endless spring blossoms as he spoke softly and clearly: “In this old monk’s opinion, since the Yan Xi in benefactor’s mouth is inauspicious, he must be someone who harms others and himself, utterly unforgivable, deserving to be cut into pieces and kicked into the eighteenth level of hell. Why bother praying to Buddha? Why not let me sell you a straw doll, so you can stab it daily and make him suffer unbearably?”

Yan Xi: “Thank you for your concern, young master monk, but that won’t be necessary…”

That youth’s complexion was an unhealthy white, yet he smiled like ten thousand flowers blooming: “You’re welcome, you’re welcome.”

His shaved head lacked the ordination marks of a fully initiated monk.

Ah Heng had a dream. She held many, many fireworks in her hands, and lit them, but they only smoked without blooming.

When she woke up, firecrackers were thundering outside the window.

Oh, it was already New Year’s Eve.

“Ah Heng, you’re awake. Quick, get up, my mom made lots of tangyuan, red bean ones, they’re delicious.” Little Five smiled brightly, peering in from outside the bedroom.

Ah Heng smiled: “Thank you, Auntie. I’m already causing enough trouble staying at Fifth Sister’s house for New Year’s.”

Little Five waved her hand: “It’s New Year’s, why so many unnecessary words?” She walked over, sat on the edge of the bed, and smiled, “Ah Heng, are you comfortable sleeping at my house?”

Ah Heng was pulling on a sweater and nodded vigorously through it: “I slept very well.”

During winter break, Big Sister, Third Sister, Little Four, and Little Five looked at her as if facing a great enemy, played rock-paper-scissors, scissors-scissors-scissors, and after a long while decided that Ah Heng would spend New Year’s with Little Five.

As a result, Ah Heng followed Little Five back to B City.

Little Five’s family lived in B City, both parents were civil servants, the family was well-off, and Little Five was their only child. They usually spoiled her quite a bit, and by extension were very good to Ah Heng too. Especially after hearing Little Five say that she and Ah Heng shared the same interests and hobbies, they liked Ah Heng even more.

The so-called shared interests and hobbies, ahem, referred to their devoted love for DJ Yan, even though he had a girlfriend now, even though his girlfriend’s beauty could leave them both in the dust.

Little Five said: “Ah Heng, you know what? DJ Yan has a fan meet this afternoon.”

Ah Heng was puzzled: “Wasn’t he supposed to be traveling? These past two days other DJs have been filling in at Sometimes.”

Little Five said: “Seems he came back yesterday. Haha, men, ah, I’m crying tears of joy, I can finally see you, man!”

Ah Heng smiled: “Isn’t Auntie short-handed for making dumplings this afternoon? I better not go. You go ahead, take lots of photos together.”

Little Five felt her forehead: “No fever?” She shook Ah Heng, “Ah Heng, Ah Heng, it’s DJ Yan ah, DJ Yan, your beloved DJ Yan!”

Ah Heng chuckled: “My beloved is Yan Xi, not DJ Yan.”

Auntie called from outside for the two to come to eat tangyuan. Ah Heng responded and went out, leaving Little Five frowning and stroking her chin: “Is there a difference?”

DJ Yan, Yan Xi.

Little Five was spoiled at home and wasn’t very good at housework – she was chased out of the kitchen in less than three minutes. She pouted while eating grapes, unconvinced: “Mom, that’s my sixth sister, she has nothing to do with you, why do you keep stealing my person!”

Little Five’s mother slammed the kitchen door shut, leaving one sentence: “With Ah Heng around, who needs you!”

Little Five was indignant, venting by pressing the remote control buttons back and forth, making her father who was watching TV dizzy: “Go, go, go, quickly go find your whatever low-grade Yan, stop bothering people.”

“What are you saying, it’s DJ Yan, DJ Yan, Dad, you’re annoying too!”

In the kitchen making dumplings, Ah Heng heard Little Five and her father’s conversation and couldn’t help but laugh. She said: “Auntie, Fifth Sister is very well-behaved at school, everyone likes her.”

Little Five’s mother sighed: “No good, no good, she’s too naughty, I get a headache as soon as she comes home.”

Ah Heng chuckled again: “Fifth Sister often tells me she loves your dumplings the most, says southern dumplings are too small, one bite and they’re gone.”

Little Five’s mother was a cheerful person and smiled broadly: “Alright, auntie will make them today, you eat more.”

The two chatted casually, getting along very well. Perhaps Little Five had reminded her parents beforehand – Little Five’s mother was very careful about Ah Heng’s family situation, afraid that some wrong word might hurt Ah Heng’s feelings.

Ah Heng was grateful in her heart, and told Little Five’s mother various interesting stories about Little Five’s life at school, speaking smoothly, watching the aunt’s expression grow increasingly pleased, tenderness appearing in her eyes.

This kind of longing between mother and daughter was too subtle – hearing traces of how one’s dearest daughter was gradually growing up from others’ mouths always brought endless joy.

Though Ah Heng couldn’t fully understand, there was always a vague ache in her heart, not severe, but occasionally stinging like a needle prick.

At four-thirty in the afternoon, Little Five called, the other end so noisy her voice was barely audible: “Wuwuwuwu, Ah Heng, I forgot my autograph book, bring it over quickly— hey… stop pushing, push more and I’ll fight you all— the radio station, hurry, Ah Heng…”

Then the call cut off.

Ah Heng was stunned – autograph book?

She ran pat-pat to Little Five’s room, and sure enough, there was a brand new hardcover autograph book on the desk, filled with Little Five’s diary entries about DJ Yan.

Ah Heng tucked away the diary: “Uncle, Auntie, I’m going out for a bit. Go ahead and cook the dumplings, wait for Fifth Sister and me to return.”

Little Five’s father said: “Hey, don’t rush, Ah Heng, take my phone, contact home if anything happens.”

Ah Heng nodded, but in her hurry only realized after going downstairs that she was wearing just a sweater. It was still snowing outside, but worried Little Five would get anxious, she didn’t go back for a coat, just hailed a taxi and rushed over.

There weren’t many people at the radio station entrance; asking the security guard, she learned all the listeners were on the ninth floor.

The lobby elevator was free. Ah Heng sighed in relief as she walked in, noticing people passing by weren’t using the elevator for some reason, but she didn’t think much about it and pressed the button.

Just past the eighth floor, there was a shake. Before Ah Heng could react, all the lights in the elevator suddenly went out. It felt like falling, then the elevator crashed to a stop in its tracks with a boom.

She grabbed the handrail, looking up into complete darkness.

She smiled bitterly – what a situation, stuck in an elevator. Tomorrow’s headlines might read: “DJ Yan’s Fan Meet Grand Success, Unknown Fan Stuck in Elevator in Crazy Star Chase…”

She pressed the emergency button and said honestly: “I’m stuck in the elevator, can you come rescue me?”

The other end: “Don’t you know this elevator breaks down easily? We just reported to maintenance a few days ago to replace it, how did you get stuck in there?”

Ah Heng: “I didn’t know, I’m not from your radio station.”

Another end: “The white notice on the elevator, did you see it? ‘Do Not Use!'”

Ah Heng: “I didn’t see it.”

Other end impatiently: “Well then, just wait a while.”

Ah Heng said: “Could you hurry? I have something to do.”

The other end said: “Just wait.”

Ah Heng: “Oh.”

Huddled in the corner in pitch darkness, in the enclosed space, she remembered watching “Detective Conan” long ago with its locked room murders and instantly broke into a cold sweat.

Then, half an hour passed.

After that, she got anxious, feeling she couldn’t wait any longer – if she waited more, Fifth Sister would bite her to death. So she took out Little Five’s father’s phone, searching for a long time in the elevator before finding two bars of signal.

Calling Little Five, she said: “Fifth Sister, can you borrow someone else’s paper first? I can’t get there anytime soon.”

Little Five’s end was still noisy: “Ah Heng, where are you now?”

Ah Heng said dejectedly: “Between the eighth and ninth floors, I’m stuck in the elevator.”

“What?!” Little Five screamed. She had just reached the front of the line, but hearing Ah Heng’s words, she turned to leave, but the crowd behind was so dense she couldn’t move and got her feet stepped on several times.

Little Five raged, roaring like the Lioness of Hedong: “Everyone fucking move aside!”

The crowd was stunned.

Yan Xi, who had been singing with his head down, looked up, frowning, and regarded her calmly: “Miss, what’s wrong?”

Little Five: “Ah, you’re… asking me?” Starry-eyed now, shy now, coy now, “Um… nothing, just… my sister… um… is stuck in the elevator.”

Her speech became unclear.

Ah Heng heard everything clearly on the other end of the phone, in tears.

What a Fifth Sister, forgetting friends at the sight of a handsome face!

Yan Xi coughed lightly, instructed his assistant beside him, then spoke to Little Five politely and calmly: “Don’t worry, I’ve already told maintenance, it’ll be fixed soon. Please comfort that young lady well.”

Ah Heng heard Yan Xi’s voice from afar and cried again.

Little Five’s face was full of tears: “Sixth, did you hear? DJ Yan helped us report it, the higher-ups won’t forget us, don’t be scared, okay?” Speaking like she was convincing an underground party member to accept martyrdom.

Ah Heng chuckled: “I know, I haven’t eaten Auntie’s big dumplings yet.”

After a long silence, licking her lips, Ah Heng asked: “Fifth Sister, Yan Xi… does he look well?”

Little Five looked at the stage, heart pounding: “Oh my goodness, let me tell you, he’s wearing a white suit jacket and blue sweater today, with a D&G silver chain, so handsome, just… he looks too thin in person.”

Ah Heng was already thinly dressed, and with the thin air in the elevator, her body was very tired. She curled up into a ball: “Fifth Sister, later, take a photo with Yan Xi, okay? I want to see how he looks.”

Hearing Ah Heng’s voice getting softer and softer, Little Five grew worried: “Don’t fall asleep! I’ll ask them to hurry up again.”

Ah Heng smiled, and said: “Okay.”

Another half hour passed, and still no movement from the elevator.

Little Five went crazy, shouting directly at Yan Xi: “DJ Yan, you can’t be so unfair, my sister has been stuck in the elevator for an hour! This is the ninth floor, the ninth floor! If anything happens to her, will your radio station compensate?”

Suddenly remembering something, she suggested: “How about… how about you talk to my sister, DJ Yan? Keep her spirits up, she loves you the most usually.”

Yan Xi frowned, gesturing his assistant to hurry them again, reached out his slender hand to take Little Five’s phone, and spoke softly: “Hello, this is Yan Xi.”

Ah Heng fell silent, listening to Yan Xi’s voice, her lips unconsciously curving upward, her distant mountain eyebrows arching.

Yan Xi heard no response from the other end, and raised his volume: “Are you alright? Please answer me, this is Yan Xi.”

Ah Heng’s lips were dry as she gently closed her eyes, saying softly: “I know you’re Yan Xi it’s so noisy.”

Yan Xi froze, all his blood rushing to his scalp, gripping the phone tightly, gritting his teeth: “What did you say?”

Ah Heng said: “Long time no see, Yan Xi.”

Her fingertips, nose, and lips all seemed frozen, only the tears at the corners of her eyes were scalding hot.

Long time no see.

Yan Xi took a breath, his face expressionless, bowed to the audience below, speaking calmly: “I’m sorry everyone, we’re ending here today.”

Turning, he strode toward the elevator.

It was a cold door, through which every strand of his hair could be seen clearly.

Inside the door, outside the door.

He shouted: “Ah Heng!”

Such a loud voice.

Ah Heng gently gripped the handrail to stand up, her legs cold, having lost all feeling.

In the darkness, there were four directions, hitting walls, searching, touching again, and finding the door’s seam. Not a single ray of light leaked through.

She suddenly felt despair, fear surging up and filling every drop of blood.

She said: “Yan Xi, I can’t see you.”

Ah Heng beat on the door, no longer able to contain her emotions, her voice heavy with crying.

“Yan Xi, where are you? I can’t see you!”

Tears instantly fell from Yan Xi’s eyes as he tried forcefully to pry open the door crack. He said: “Be good, be good, don’t cry, wait just one more minute, no, ten seconds.”

His fingers caught in the door crack, applying force, violently striking, drawing blood.

Ah Heng’s tears fell plop plop as she sobbed: “Yan Xi, I miss you, miss you so much, but, I dare not think of you.”

Yan Xi roared: “Who the fuck told you not to think of me, I’ll kill them!”

Blood blurred his hands, dripping down the smooth door mirror.

The hurriedly arriving assistant and repairman rushed to pull him back.

Yan Xi grabbed the repairman’s collar, his eyes bloodshot, speaking coldly: “My life is in that elevator, you figure it out!”

That voice seemed to come from hell.

The repairman broke into a cold sweat, remotely controlling the elevator, which made a huge rumbling sound. Blood dripped from Yan Xi’s hands as his big eyes stared fixedly at the elevator door.

A distant ten seconds.

The signal light, finally, lit up.

Ding.

That door slowly opened, seeming to finally disperse all the distance of time and space.

That girl, his girl crying like a little cat, finally returned to his embrace.

He hugged her, only then realizing how desolate these years without her had been. This desolation wasn’t the desolation of not being able to eat spare ribs, but the desolation of never again seeing the person who made the spare ribs.

When they met in their youth, they didn’t understand what longing was. Only when dreams were empty did he realize her image had been etched into his mind thousands of times over, existing alongside time itself.

He wanted to say: “Ah Heng, I’m hungry.”

But when the tears fell, he could no longer speak through his sobs.