With pregnancy, her body seemed much weaker than before. Previously, she could climb trees and wade through rivers, but now she could hardly function, becoming short of breath after just a few steps. She was also drowsy, with sleep constantly hanging over her like a fog on her nose bridge. Even sitting under the bright sun, she couldn’t keep her eyes open.
Xia Zhi often teased her, “Why are you like a drunk cat, sleeping all day without a smile? It was better before when you were busy looking for ways to make a living. Knowing you couldn’t avenge, you simply stopped thinking about it. But now, you’re stuck in between, you’re uncomfortable, and everyone else is exhausted too.”
She murmured, “When one grows up, one can’t always remain ignorant of sorrow. If you found a blood brother, grew close to him for a year, and then he died in front of you, you should try it.”
Xia Zhi chewed on a dry blade of grass, leaning against a pillar, pondering for a moment before nodding, “That’s true, to gain and then lose—even if it were just a cat or dog, it would be heartbreaking.” Receiving a glare from her, he smiled awkwardly, “In my opinion, you shouldn’t have met the Twelfth Prince. Look at your experiences since being with him—where would you have so many troubles otherwise? People should only bite off what they can chew. Look at you now, choked and bloated!”
He was just being selfish. Having missed out on this childhood sweetheart, he always felt empty inside. Then he reconsidered—wasn’t the Twelfth Prince asking him to be a mediator? Was he advising in the wrong direction? It wasn’t good to undermine someone else’s relationship. He covered up with a cough, “The other day you asked me to find you a house, but I couldn’t find one. Beijing is crowded now; poor families with nothing to do after work just think about having children to pass the time. You’ve seen it—two adults followed by a group of tadpole-like children, all needing housing. Besides, if the Twelfth Prince knew I was trying to separate you two, he would certainly hang me as a lantern. Don’t put me in a difficult position. A blood brother is a brother, but a senior disciple is also a brother. And you’re living quite well here, with food and drink, so make do with it. You’re pregnant now—if you keep moving around, what about the child? You can’t wander the world with a little prince; this is someone else’s child.”
Ding Yi glared at him again, “What do you mean someone else’s child? Isn’t it in my belly?”
“You haven’t learned enough about the three obediences and four virtues. When a man loves you…” he wiggled his thumb, “you are the most important. If a man doesn’t take you seriously, you should know the saying ‘a mother gains status through her son,’ don’t you? Even in imperial families, a son becomes a prince or a Beile, while the birth mother remains just a concubine—there are many such cases. Don’t think that because the child came from your womb, you have the right to decide its life or death. This is someone else’s property placed in your care, and they’ll come to collect it. If you lose it or hide it, you’ll have no explanation. As a woman, how can you have so many ideas? They give you a courtyard, and you should just stay there quietly to have the baby. Do you want to go out and live alone? How capable you are! Have you been reading too many storybooks?”
Ding Yi was infuriated, “Why are you so long-winded? Did I invite you here just to amuse yourself at my expense?”
“We’re our people, so I speak straightforwardly. For others, I wouldn’t bother wasting my breath!” Xia Zhi glanced at her sideways, “Now that you’re pregnant, you should quickly have the Twelfth Prince report it to the palace. The imperial decree should be issued. If it’s delayed until after the child is born, what will you be considered? People will point fingers at you.”
She turned her face away, frowning, “Don’t interfere. I know what to do.”
Xia Zhi sighed, “That’s enough; everything should have a limit. The Twelfth Prince is good-natured and indulges you in everything. If it were me, I’d tie you up in a bridal sedan chair, push you into the bridal chamber, and you’d have to accept it whether you wanted to or not.”
As he said, there should be a limit, and the advice was the same. Harping on the same thing repeatedly would only make people’s ears grow calluses, causing a loss of effectiveness. He shifted his gaze to the branches where pomegranate buds were just sprouting, vaguely bringing a sense of spring. Squinting, he said, “Yesterday, the Suo family sent their daughter away. I followed to Hongluo Temple to check. Miss Hai Lan hasn’t taken the tonsure; she’s practicing as a lay Buddhist with her hair intact. Her mother said she’s letting her stay in the temple to calm down and clear her mind, and she’ll return to secular life when she’s ready. If she shaved her head, there would be no hope. Her mother said she would die in front of her if that happened.”
Ding Yi’s expression turned melancholic upon hearing this, “No matter how I tried to persuade her, she wouldn’t listen. Staying in the temple for a while might be good. I couldn’t see her off when she entered the temple—after all, it was for Ru Jian, and I didn’t have the face to meet her family. In a few days, I’ll go visit her and try to comfort her heart. If she can come back, she should return. They only have this one daughter; someone needs to take care of her parents in the future. As for Master Suo, go there on my behalf and tell him I’ve wronged their family, that their Hai Lan was held back by my brother and me.”
Xia Zhi agreed, “Don’t take everything upon yourself. Everyone has their fate, determined from the moment they’re born.” He changed the subject, asking, “Do you remember the ‘squirrel eyes’ at the Seventh Prince’s place? That slippery one.”
Ding Yi exclaimed, “The one we stole last time?”
“That one was eaten. Originally there was a pair, with one left. Along with the Shaanxi dog that the Twelfth Prince compensated, that’s two, and the Seventh Prince gave them all to me.”
“Wasn’t that his life? He gave it to you?”
Xia Zhi smiled and said yes, “His wedding is approaching, and the Seventh Prince is busy and can’t take care of them. Later, Jin led me to get the dog and let slip that his new Lady doesn’t allow pets, saying that indulging in playthings will certainly harm one’s ambition.”
The Seventh Prince rarely appears in public now. It’s said that Lady Xiaoman controls him strictly. Though not yet married, she inspects the Prince’s Mansion every few days, finding fault with this and that, wanting everything done her way. The Seventh Prince has met his match this time. He used to be so arrogant, submitting to no one, but no matter how overbearing he is, he can’t escape her palm. How could a wealthy prince who gets out of breath after a few steps contend with a Mongolian princess skilled in archery and horsemanship? Add to that the smiling tiger Prince Bao, and the Seventh Prince have thoroughly fallen.
Ding Yi sighed, leaning against the pillar. The Seventh Prince was a fortunate person; good things came to him while he remained oblivious. In contrast, the Twelfth Prince was too wronged—he had no powerful father-in-law to rely on, no legitimate Lady whose words carried weight. It was difficult before, and after being with her, every step became even more challenging. Sometimes she daydreamed about how good it would be to return to the past. He would have his life, without being tormented and thrown into disarray. As for herself, she would nestle in a shared courtyard, take in some private work, earn a few coins, and buy wine and vegetables for her master to feast on. Now, though she had no worries about food and clothing, her heart was empty. Every day when she opened her eyes, she didn’t know why she was alive. In the morning, she watched the sunrise; in the evening, she watched it set. She slept deeply, and a day passed in the blink of an eye.
She placed her hand on her belly, where a little person resided, though she couldn’t feel anything yet. Although this was her first time being a mother, there seemed to be an instinct, and gradually she couldn’t bear to part with it. But after thinking it over repeatedly, she still had to make a decision. People change with circumstances. Previously, with limited experience, survival was the only concern in the marketplace. “The fearless are the ignorant”—that described her then. Knowing nothing, caring for nothing, doing whatever came to mind. Later, as she understood more, her courage shrank from a basin to a sesame seed, almost disappearing—she was simply afraid.
Why is getting married called “finding an in-law’s family”? Did she think the Prince’s Mansion would close its doors and they would live their own life? How naive! There would be palace visits, garden greetings, Ladies and titled women sitting together—what would she be among them?
She looked up at Xia Zhi, “Senior Brother, find me a chicken.”
Xia Zhi readily agreed, “Do you want a beggar’s chicken or a white-cut chicken? There’s a new restaurant outside the front gate that makes excellent spicy chicken…”
“I want a live one,” she said. “It doesn’t need to be big, just small enough to be brought in without being noticed.”
Xia Zhi was startled, “What are you going to do? Are you planning something bad? This won’t do; I can’t agree to this. If Master finds out, he’ll skin me alive.” He hurriedly jumped down from the steps, “I’m leaving. I have official duties. I’ll come see you tomorrow. Goodbye.”
Ding Yi called out, but he ignored her, tucking his hands away as he headed for the main gate.
Just as Xia Zhi left, Sha Tong arrived, bowing and saying, “Master, your uncle has come to the mansion and is waiting at the door.”
She looked up and saw a man in a gray-blue padded robe at the doorway, rubbing his hands and peering in.
Zhou Fuyang was the brother of Ding Yi’s mother, holding a fifth-rank official position. People couldn’t say whether he was honest or not, smart or not. The Zhou family had a tradition of women running the household. Back when Ding Yi was in trouble and sought refuge at their home, both her uncle and aunt were there, but they didn’t open the door. She and her nanny stood in the rain waiting for two hours. Thinking back now, she still harbored great resentment, but considering their family relationship, she couldn’t refuse to see him now that he had come. So she had Sha Tong invite him in.
Zhou Fuyang approached like he was meeting a superior, bowing and saying, “Paying respects to the Lady.”
Ding Yi frowned, “Don’t do that; I’m not any Lady.” She turned to instruct the maid, “Bring a seat for Official Zhou.”
She remained seated on the steps, not standing up, addressing him as “Official Zhou,” which made Zhou Fuyang feel very awkward. Though a seat was brought, he didn’t dare sit, only saying, “Little Jujube, it’s been hard on you these days.”
She felt a pang of sourness in her heart but held back her tears, “What brings you here today?”
Zhou Fuyang spoke humbly, “Nothing urgent, just came to see you. Jujube, I know you resent me. I’ve wronged you in the past. It’s been so long; please forgive your uncle! They say the niece-uncle bond is close, generation after generation like broken bones still connected by tendons. Now relatives are becoming fewer and fewer. The third one just passed away, and I’m worried about you, so I came to check on you.” He paused slightly, seeing her face remained impassive, which reassured him somewhat, then continued, “I came for the third one’s funeral and saw that the Prince treats you well. But a lady still needs her maiden family. Moreover, since the grand wedding hasn’t happened yet, where will you depart from, and who will prepare the dowry—this requires some effort! You see, if relatives don’t stay in touch, the relationship cools. You’re alone now; how can you be left outside? Your uncles aren’t in Beijing, so it’s inconvenient for them to look after you. Why not come back home with your uncle? Your aunt has set aside a courtyard for you, replaced everything with new items, and selected several clever maids specifically to serve you. We were confused before, but as we’ve grown older, we value family ties more. Your mother and I were full siblings. At your uncle’s place, it would be like returning to your own home…”
While the niece and uncle were talking, Sha Tong went outside to wait for someone to deliver a book. The gatekeeper looked back and asked, “Who is this god, still having the face to come?”
Sha Tong snorted with laughter, “He’s just seen that fortunes are rising and has come to share in the joy. Before, he would have avoided her from eight zhang away, let alone anything else. People, praising the high and trampling the low, such a disgusting manner.”
Whatever was said, Zhou Fuyang stayed for about the time it took to drink two cups of tea before leaving. Later, the Lady wandered around the courtyard and informed the gatekeeper, “Next time he comes, there’s no need to announce him; just bring him in.”
The gatekeeper complied, thinking that relatives were still relatives. With no one left by her side, past grudges were forgotten—a bit like seeking any doctor when desperately ill.
When the news reached Hong Ce, he was writing a memorial in his study. Upon hearing this, he felt at a loss, only saying, “That’s good. She’s too lonely. Having her people around will broaden her perspective.”
“Master, will you go to the alley to see her? You’ve been back since yesterday, and the sun is about to set.”
The pen tip paused, not falling for a long time. There was a faint sandalwood incense circling in the study; the desk clock ticked, time seemingly frozen. After a while, he was heard saying, “Let her calm down. If I’m a thorn in her eye and she gets anxious and does something rash, it would be too late for regrets.”
Guan Zhaojing, with his hands tucked and head lowered, said, “In my humble opinion, you should still go. A woman’s mind is narrow. You’re a man, a gentleman; you should be understanding. Think about before, what a good girl she was. Just like a tree, with a bit of stubbornness and toughness, growing straight. Now she’s encountered a ditch, and her legs are too short to cross over—it’s not a big deal. You help her, just lift her—and over she goes. If you also get upset, that won’t do. You’ll suffer, she’ll be distressed—what’s the point?” He smiled, “Though I haven’t been a man for long, my head is still a man’s head. Men have thick skin; being scolded or spat upon, they still smile. Your status is noble—pardon my words—but that’s just in the eyes of outsiders. In your own home, who are you contending with? She’s your bedfellow.”
Hong Ce relaxed. Guan Zhaojing was right. No matter how tired or wronged he felt, it couldn’t compare to her suffering. She had just lost her brother, adding new wounds to old scars. Even if she said something extreme, he could only guide her, not get angry.
He put down his pen and stood up, stepping outside to see the sunset’s glow dyeing the entire courtyard red. Neglecting her for a day, he felt extremely guilty just thinking about it. He quickly ordered someone to bring his horse and galloped towards Jiucu Bureau Alley.
But there was a persistent bad feeling, surging up in waves, growing stronger as he got closer. He rushed in, just as someone was coming out, and they collided, making him dizzy. Standing still and looking inside, he couldn’t hear the sounds, but he saw people coming and going hurriedly, with terrified looks on their faces.
“What happened?” He grabbed the collar of the person in front of him, “What’s going on?”
The little eunuch, being shaken until his feet left the ground, struggled to point back, “Master, it’s terrible! I was just about to report to you! The Lady just said her stomach hurt, and Bao’er helped her to the toilet. As a result… there was blood all over the latrine, even staining the fragrant wood chips red…”
His mind exploded with a buzz. He let go of the person and strode quickly up the walkway. Entering her room, he saw she had already been placed on the kang bed, lying on her side so he couldn’t see her face.
Sha Tong came forward, kneeling before him and slapping himself hard more than ten times, crying, “This servant has failed the master! This servant didn’t take good care of the Lady, causing her to miscarry. This servant deserves death!”
Guan Zhaojing kicked him, furiously saying, “You should die! Ten lives wouldn’t be enough to compensate!”
Hong Ce stood there, with no strength in his legs, having to lean on the crescent-shaped table to sit down. He simply couldn’t believe this was real. After taking a few breaths, he asked hoarsely, “Where is it?”
The servants understood and brought in the chamber pot for him to see. He glanced at it and waved his hand weakly.
With such an incident, everyone was in a panic, not knowing what to do. The summoned imperial physician was driven out and stood respectfully against the wall. Guan Zhaojing looked around and lowered his voice to scold, “Why are you still standing there? Quickly investigate what the Lady ate today and who prepared it!”
Hong Ce, however, called them back, “No need to investigate. All of you, go out.”
With great effort, he reached the edge of her kang bed, tucking in the corner of her quilt, asking softly, “Does it still hurt? Is it because I didn’t come today, making you sad, which affected the fetus… I’ve done wrong again.” He choked slightly, stroking the light green silk quilt cover, patting her back gently like comforting a child, “Don’t blame yourself; it’s not your fault. It doesn’t matter that we lost this one; we can conceive again. Give me your hand so I can check your pulse and ease my mind.”
At first, she didn’t move. Upon hearing this, she turned around, her eyes red from crying, looking at him for a long time, “No, it’s not because you didn’t come.”
He was startled, muttering to himself with a nod, “Then it was an accident, a knock or a trip, some mishap.”
She didn’t respond, closing her eyes and turning her face to the other side.
His eyes and heart grew cold. His throat, singularly cold, thin as a blade edge, cut past her ear, “Have you made up your mind?”
Still not getting her answer, he sighed deeply, understanding and seeing through it all, unable to maintain even the last self-deception. He turned to walk outside, fiercely lifting the hanging curtain high. The world outside truly showed a sunset-like blood. He glanced at Guan Zhaojing and said coldly, “Bring my tablet; I’m going to the palace.”