Zhao Pu stood frozen in place, watching Tang Lici’s departing figure, his heart a tumult of shock, anger, worry, and joy, not knowing what to do. His anger was because Tang Lici’s gentle words were actually threats; his joy was because after more than three years, he finally had some news of his youngest son. Looking down at the broken fan in his hands, old tears streamed down his face. He raised his sleeve to wipe them, overcome with mixed sorrow and joy.
Tang Lici left the imperial palace, looking back at the purple clouds filling the sky with faint stars and moon. He suddenly sighed softly – family affection… father and son… He boarded his horse cart and had the driver race toward Luoyang, to Xingyang Bookshop.
Inside Xingyang Bookshop, A’Shui had just finished feeding Fengfeng, bathed the child, and was holding him on the bed. Fengfeng crawled around on the bed until he was tired, then put his head between two pillows and fell asleep, not worried about suffocating himself. A’Shui gently moved one pillow aside, looking at Fengfeng’s serious sleeping face with his pink-and-white cheeks. She bent down to gently kiss him – how wonderful it would be if everything could just stay like this forever?
“Knock knock” – two light sounds as someone knocked on the door.
So late at night, who could it be? Her eyes moved slightly, her heart already sensing something. She rose to open the door. Indeed, in the night, the person knocking was Tang Lici. What surprised her wasn’t Tang Lici himself, but the wine he carried.
The night was deep, past dinner time. Tang Lici wore white clothes and pearl shoes, carrying a jar of wine in one hand and a stack of clay dishes wrapped in oiled cloth in the other. The aroma of food wafted toward her. A’Shui looked at him in surprise, then smiled: “Come in.”
Tang Lici entered carrying the wine, placing the wine jar and dishes on the table. A’Shui laid out the clay dishes one by one – a dish of spicy stir-fried bamboo shoots, a dish of soy sauce dried squid, a dish of five-spice beef, a dish of cucumber with garlic, a dish of tofu with ginger – the aroma was enticing. “Young Master Tang wants to drink tonight?” She went to find two sets of bowls and chopsticks to set out. “Such fragrant drinking accompaniments.” Tang Lici opened the wine jar’s seal. What came with the wind was a faint cold fragrance, completely different from any wine she usually smelled. “This is chilled pipa wine, a rare treasure in the world. It’s very easy to get drunk on, but it doesn’t harm the body.” He smiled slightly, taking two cups from his robes. A’Shui found the cups familiar – extremely thin white porcelain small cups, identical to the one he had gently bitten through that night by the lotus pond. She also smiled: “Since Young Master Tang is in the mood, A’Shui is also fortunate. Tonight I’ll naturally accompany you in getting drunk.”
Tang Lici laughed, pouring himself a cup. The room filled with rich, cold wine fragrance: “Has anyone ever told you that you’re a very attentive woman?” Having said this, he drained the cup in one gulp. “But being too considerate deprives men of many opportunities to confide and show off. Has anyone ever said it’s difficult to have conversations with you? Because facing you… many things needn’t be said, yet you understand.” He extended his slender, fair fingers to gently lift A’Shui’s chin: “Isn’t it tiring being such a woman?” A’Shui stepped back lightly, avoiding Tang Lici’s fingers, her expression unchanged: “Has anyone ever told Young Master Tang that though you’re extraordinarily talented, you’re a man without friends?” She gazed at Tang Lici: “No friends, no kindred spirits… isn’t it tiring being such a man?” Tang Lici’s lips curved, almost breaking into laughter, saying softly: “Whenever you say such things, I want to dig out your eyes…” He poured himself another cup: “What do you think – why did I want to drink tonight?”
“Because… Young Master Tang has no friends,” A’Shui sighed softly. “You wanted to find a place to drink, but didn’t want to get drunk at home, right?” Tang Lici actually laughed, his cheeks slightly flushed with wine, his laughing face beautiful as if dyed with rosy clouds: “I rarely get drunk, almost never.” A’Shui picked up a wine cup and poured herself some wine, taking a light sip: “I don’t hold liquor well, but I also never get drunk.” She looked at Tang Lici: “Does Young Master Tang intend to get drunk tonight?” Tang Lici drank another cup, saying with a smile: “Correct.” A’Shui took another sip: “Does Young Master Tang want to compose poetry?” Tang Lici smiled: “No.” A’Shui laughed: “Then you’re acting coquettish, wanting a woman you don’t really appreciate to find ways to cheer you up.” Tang Lici laughed again: “Saying that… sounds somewhat like a friend…” A’Shui was slightly silent for a while, then sighed and said softly: “You and I are already friends. A’Shui only hopes Young Master Tang won’t spoil this friendship.” Tang Lici raised his cup and drank again, also saying softly: “The world is always completely different from what you hope for…” His cheeks were flushed, his eyes containing allure, appearing quite intoxicated. He raised a finger to his lips, saying quietly: “Perhaps in the future it won’t be me who spoils this friendship, but rather I’ll already be dead before I can spoil it…” A’Shui was alarmed: “Don’t say such things. What exactly happened today?” She stared at Tang Lici: “In my heart, Young Master Tang never fails, never becomes discouraged.”
“Between father and son… between lovers… between relatives…” Tang Lici drank his seventh cup of the night, asking with a smile: “Between friends, what exactly should one do… to not disappoint everyone? The life of a woman who has no meaning to the great affairs of the martial world and whose life is equally meaningless… why can’t it be traded for the lives of some men who will accomplish great things in the martial world and whose lives are extraordinary? News of a son who’s been missing for years without word, a son who isn’t actually one’s biological son… even a son whose news would bring endless troubles – could this truly be used to threaten a high minister who has weathered decades of political storms? I’m thinking…” A’Shui listened, slowly asking: “Thinking what?” Tang Lici’s red lips slowly left the rim of his ninth cup: “I’m thinking… about human emotions between father and son, between lovers, between relatives, between friends.”
A’Shui watched him drink. Drinking like this, even the best alcohol tolerance would truly lead to drunkenness. She couldn’t help but sigh softly: “Actually… Young Master Tang isn’t lamenting why you can’t trade or why threats work… don’t you understand what’s wrong with you?” She looked at the wine cup in his hand, saying gently in a low voice: “You feel sad because you have a heart that ‘won’t trade’ and ‘believes in father-son affection,’ but others don’t understand, and even you yourself don’t understand… so you’re sad, you want to drink, you want to get drunk.” She said softly: “You actually don’t harbor evil thoughts in your heart, but… but others don’t understand. They’re all afraid of you, all think you’re scheming, right?”
Tang Lici poured his tenth cup, smiling lightly with hazy eyes: “This… I truly don’t understand… perhaps you’re right, perhaps you’re completely wrong…” He drank the tenth cup, sighing deeply: “But I think I’m very envious of others who have a father who worries about his son…” A’Shui poured him his eleventh cup, smiling slightly: “A father who cares about people… I’m also envious, but you and I are no longer children. Rather than dwelling on wanting a father who cherishes us, it’s better to be a father who cherishes his child.” Tang Lici was slightly startled. Both looked toward Fengfeng sleeping sweetly on the bed, couldn’t help but smile at each other. Tang Lici raised his eleventh cup of pipa wine: “To you!” A’Shui drained the wine in her cup, smiling slightly: “Eat some food.”
Tang Lici then picked up his chopsticks and served A’Shui a piece of cucumber. A’Shui smiled radiantly: “I should compose a poem for this chopstick-full – tonight is so rare… Hmm… ‘Wind fills but white jade, this night flowers on branches. Meeting you beneath the moon, you give me jade-green threads.'” Tang Lici smiled lightly: “White jade refers to the bright moon, but what are ‘flowers on branches’?” A’Shui pointed to the dish of soy sauce dried squid: “Isn’t this ‘flower branches’?” Tang Lici drank his twelfth cup, laughing heartily. He tapped the wine jar with his fingers, producing “buzzing” sounds that were resonant and deep, with special meaning. Listen to him chant loudly: “Autumn dew white as jade, round and round falls on garden green. I walk and suddenly see it, cold early grieves year’s haste. Human life like birds passing sight, why then bind oneself? Duke Jing how foolish, Niu Mountain tears continuous. Things suffer not knowing contentment, gaining Long yet looking toward Shu. Human hearts like waves, worldly paths have curves. Thirty-six thousand days, every night should hold candles.” A’Shui clapped and laughed – this Li Bai poem was chanted with ringing force and sweeping momentum, quite heroic and carefree. However, when the poem ended, Tang Lici leaped up, his figure already on the wall. She barely had time to turn and look, only seeing him smile slightly before floating away.
Twelve cups of wine, one poem.
He said he would get drunk here tonight, yet only a table of cold wine and leftover food remained. He didn’t keep his word, floating away.
A’Shui looked at the table full of leftover dishes, looking for quite a while… For a brief moment just now, she truly believed he would get drunk here tonight, truly felt joy… that he would get drunk here tonight…
Smelling the cold wine fragrance, she held the thin wine cup, sighing leisurely. She wanted a home, while what Young Master Tang wanted… wasn’t a place that could keep him, but a place he could leave with peace of mind.
She thought what he wanted was belonging, was dependence… Facing the empty wall top, her gaze swept over it, looking toward the stars and moon… Only like his ever-changing soul, not only did others not understand, even he himself didn’t understand.