Phoenix Cry Mountain.

Yu Tuan’er had already left two days ago. Calculating by horse’s pace, she should have reached Haoyun Mountain by now. In Jihe Manor, A’Shui carried two bowls of white fungus porridge and silently entered the hall, setting them on the table.

Only Liu Yan was in the room. Ever since awakening from the brain needle treatment, he had remained silent, lying in bed as if he were already dead. Fang Pingzhai was beating drums in the valley, the drum sounds faintly audible. His skill was becoming increasingly masterful—the majestic drumbeats could actually produce sounds of sorrow and plaintive grief, sometimes like rushing thunder and startling lightning, sometimes like spring breezes and bird songs. A’Shui didn’t know that if she weren’t powerless in martial arts and Liu Yan hadn’t lost all his skills, such drum sounds filled with true force would be enough to make second and third-rate martial artists’ internal energy boil and die from hemorrhaging.

With a “clatter,” A’Shui set the white fungus porridge on the table. Since Yu Tuan’er left, Liu Yan had become increasingly lifeless. Sometimes he wouldn’t move for an entire day and night, but she knew he wasn’t unconscious—just very empty.

The antidote to the Scarlet Ghost Nine Heart Pill had been completed. Where would he go from here, having committed such great evil? No one told him what his next step should be, and it was difficult for him to make a decision himself. She walked to his side. Liu Yan slightly moved his lips, “Get out.” He didn’t even open his eyes.

She walked two steps toward the exit. He thought she was about to leave, but she stopped and said softly, “Are you… are you planning to starve yourself to death?” He opened his eyes. He didn’t know—he was only silent because he didn’t know what to do. But… starving? He had never thought about dying, but perhaps… when he wasn’t even aware of it himself, his body had already begun doing so instinctively.

“Don’t be like this. If you die, who knows how sad little sister will be—maybe you’ll cause the death of another innocent girl.” Her voice was low and soft but not tactful, spoken somewhat bluntly because the content was too direct, piercing straight into his heart. “I think the current you wouldn’t want to harm anyone else to death.”

“If she dies, she dies. No matter who it is, everyone will die in the end.” Liu Yan said coldly, “You will die too, and I will die too.”

She took a deep breath, “Even if… you don’t care about little sister, don’t you care about Young Master Tang’s life or death? He… he’s about to die, isn’t he?” When she said this, she couldn’t help trembling all over. Actually, deep in her heart, she had never believed Tang Lici would die—no matter what, she couldn’t believe it. He was so omnipotent, a demon that manipulated people’s hearts—how could he possibly die?

“He always has a way…” Liu Yan’s lips twitched slightly, his voice suddenly becoming weak, “Always has a way… to save himself…” She turned around and said quietly, “Even now, you still believe he’s omnipotent.” Liu Yan didn’t answer. After a while, he said faintly, “Who doesn’t believe it? He… he’s always omnipotent… but…” She continued for him, saying quietly, “But no one can be omnipotent forever. You’re afraid that one day he’ll fail, and what’s frightening is… not knowing which time it will be…”

Liu Yan opened his eyes in amazement, looking at her with almost burning intensity. How could she speak so penetratingly? As if grabbing words one by one from his own heart and placing them before his eyes—could their thoughts be exactly the same? A’Shui crouched down and grasped his hand. Her palm was very warm, “Worrying about him, worrying about little sister—how can you die? If you die, little sister will die of grief, and what kind of blow he would suffer, perhaps you and I can’t even imagine…” Her eyes became slightly moist, “I also don’t want you to die, although…” Her hand loosened slightly. He felt her fingers grow cold as he heard her continue, “Although… although…”

Although what? She tried hard to continue but couldn’t. He didn’t know if she meant to say “although I hate you very much,” or “although you did such cruel things to me,” or “although you’re worthless”… but any of those would be better than silence—at least they wouldn’t fill him with self-loathing. “I…” Liu Yan slowly sat up from the bed, “I’m not trying to starve myself to death, just… just thinking…” He said softly, “Wouldn’t everyone be much happier if I had never existed? What good is there in my being alive?” He looked toward A’Shui, “I’m just thinking this way.”

His true nature was really that of a very gentle person… Her hand warmed up again, grasping his hand anew, “Your being alive gives me courage.” Liu Yan trembled slightly, his beautiful eyes widening. She looked into his eyes, “Have you… never felt… that you’re a very courageous person?”

“Courage?” Liu Yan looked at her with an almost dazed expression, as if completely bewildered by what she was saying.

She smiled, smiling very gently, “You did many wrong things and hurt many people, so others heavily hurt you in return, making you lose many things. But even becoming like this now, you harbor no resentment toward others, nor toward reality, nor toward yourself…” She said softly, “You’re only regretting, not harboring resentment. You can still care about others and miss others. Without great courage, who could bear this?”

He slowly blinked. From martial world hero to desperate fugitive, from controlling the fates of millions to being despised and worthless, from a rarely seen handsome man to a disfigured and crippled invalid—perhaps others would indeed find it difficult to endure.

But those things he once possessed weren’t what he truly wanted, so even losing them wouldn’t be too painful… it was just like that. Could that be considered courage?

If all those weren’t what he wanted, then what did he truly want?

Things whose loss would pierce his heart, things that would make him hate others and himself to the bone, things he would sink deeply into and be unable to escape… what were they?

He stared blankly at A’Shui. In this moment, he unexpectedly realized… what he cared about most, what would pierce his heart if lost, was actually… his former… shadow of himself…

That man who was gentle to others, careful and considerate, who lived only for simple purposes without having to think about any profound or complex problems. He had once deeply hated himself for being such a useless person, tried every method to surpass Tang Lici, wanted to completely change himself, but in the end… what was lost was most worth treasuring… his pure self.

If everything could start over, if he could still become that A’Yan, he would now spare… any price and effort. But having made such grave mistakes, did he still have the qualification to return to the past?

“Liu Yan?”

He pressed his lips together, “I… am not very courageous, just very… ignorant, very confused.”

A’Shui’s smile was very warm, “I think you’re very courageous. And now just by standing there, you make me feel it looks very warm. Even fallen to such a degree, you still do things seriously, care about little sister, care about Young Master Tang, care about me.” She shook her head, “You make people feel more at ease than Young Master Tang…”

He looked at her in amazement. Something seemed to make a crisp sound in his heart—something heavy and rusted broke, and for a moment his heart felt like it was soaring through clouds, “Are you saying… I also have… aspects better than him?” He asked softly, his voice very weak.

“Of course.” She grasped both his hands, words bursting out, “Young Master Tang… is not good at all, completely…” After saying this, she immediately realized and closed her mouth. Liu Yan sighed softly, his fingers tenderly stroking the sides of her fingers, feeling that feminine delicacy, then slowly withdrew them, “Why can’t you love him? Why must you resist?”

“Young Master Tang… although he cares about me very much, what he cares about, cherishes, and torments is not A’Shui, but someone else in his imagination.” She said quietly. These words she had never thought to tell anyone, but in front of Liu Yan, for some unknown reason, they came out very naturally. “He wants someone to love him madly, to die for him, but I…” She said softly, “No matter how much I resemble the person he imagines, I could never go mad for him or die for him.”

She shook her head, her expression gloomy. He put his five fingers into the long hair at his forehead, supporting his brow motionlessly. She wouldn’t die for anyone, let alone for a man who didn’t truly love her, especially not for a man whom other women truly loved. “What he wants… is for his mother to love him to the point of madness, to die for him.” He sighed faintly, “His mother was a famous beauty, five parts similar to him in appearance, that kind of very dignified, very elegant woman.”

This was the first time A’Shui heard about Tang Lici’s mother. Her heart jumped slightly, feeling inexplicably nervous, “She… she doesn’t love her own child?” Liu Yan looked at her fingers, “She doesn’t love him. From A’Li… I mean Tang Lici, from his birth until he grew up, she almost never lived with him and never went to see him. When other families celebrate New Year, the whole family eats New Year’s Eve dinner together, but A’Li’s family…” He paused slightly, “It was just his father and mother together. His father would lock him up, lock him in a room far away.”

She looked at Liu Yan in shock, “Lock him up? Why lock him up?” She could hardly imagine parents actually locking up their child. If one day she locked Fengfeng in a room far from herself, she would surely have gone mad.

“Because they were afraid of him.” He spoke very plainly, since he himself had never celebrated New Year with his parents either, “They thought he was a monster. Every time they saw him, they brought many people along to protect them at all times. Especially his mother—when his mother saw him, sometimes her phobia would attack…” He paused to explain, “That is, being so frightened that breathing becomes difficult, almost going mad… that kind of state.”

“How could… it be like this?” A’Shui bit her lip, “Why would they fear him? Their own flesh and blood child—what’s there to fear? Young Master Tang is gentle and refined, not some flood or fierce beast…” Halfway through speaking, her expression became increasingly gloomy, and she couldn’t continue. Yes, Tang Lici was talented and intelligent, gentle and refined, not a flood or fierce beast, but hadn’t she also harbored deep fear of him, sometimes afraid as if seeing some… demon…

“Ha…” Liu Yan laughed once, “Because they believed A’Li was a born monster who would become a murderer sooner or later, and they regretted giving birth to him. No matter how well or badly A’Li did, they didn’t care—they just kept giving money.” He said slowly, “The only thing they did was give their child inexhaustible money, letting him squander everywhere, endlessly…”

Indeed… seeing Young Master Tang’s extravagant habits, one could tell he hadn’t suddenly become this way but had lived like this for a long time, so even when he spent money like water, there was no sense of discord. A’Shui bit her lip deeply, unable to say what she felt in her heart, “Do his mother and I… resemble each other?”

Liu Yan raised his eyes to look at her, “You don’t resemble her, but…” He exhaled deeply, his tone weary, “But you’re a good mother. Perhaps in his heart he very much hopes his mother was like you. When he says he likes you, that’s not a lie.”

She smiled gently, “He just hopes for a mother’s love, just resents that his mother doesn’t love him. Why… why must I bear these things? I… I’m not his mother. You, Wanyu Yuedan, and I myself—everyone wants me to endure, to love him, just for such reasons. So he can rightfully treat me well or torment me, and I… I must open everything, abandon dignity, allow plundering and trampling…” Her breathing became rapid, “Then after he’s vented his resentment toward his mother and satisfied his demands of his mother, I listen to a few words of apology, receive a large sum of money and leave—I—I’m not willing! How can it be like this? I’m not his mother. You all want me to love him, but I… I… how should I love him? In my heart, he’s not a child.” She looked at Liu Yan desolately, full of sorrow, “I’m just a woman, not a saint. When a woman falls in love with a man, she expects good results, expects a lifetime together. I can’t clearly see a future of parting ways yet still be able to love him.”

“The more you resist, the more he’ll want to conquer you, and he’ll use all kinds of methods, tormenting you more.” Liu Yan said quietly, “He’ll think it’s a game, and he must win all games. If you make him lose, he’ll either go mad with anger, collapse, or kill you.”

A’Shui closed her eyes, “I don’t want to lose, and I don’t want to force him…”

“That’s already… impossible. He’s set his sights on you.” Liu Yan said slowly, “I’m sorry. I still hope you can love him, to make his days easier.”

“Saying such things proves you’ve moved on from me.” She said quietly, “Live well, treat little sister better, don’t disappoint her. I know everyone hopes Young Master Tang can have easier days. I will… try my best to convince myself.” After a slight pause, she showed a gentle smile, “Can you eat porridge now? If little sister knows you’re not eating or drinking, she’ll surely scold you.”

Heart stirring and spirit shaking… He looked at her smile. She smiled with tolerance and calm, his heart full of stabbing pain—even knowing that compared to Tang Lici, she was just an insignificant woman, so everyone would rather sacrifice her entirely to fulfill Tang Lici’s momentary pleasure, but she would still say “I will try my best to convince myself,” would still smile.

Such a woman… was truly very courageous and strong, wasn’t she? He stared at her unblinkingly. Why couldn’t he let go and fight for this woman? She was unwilling to fall in love with A’Li—that was right, even though she was deeply attracted to him. If he took her away and treated her gently, perhaps one day he could make her change her mind. But… but compared to A’Shui’s feelings, what he couldn’t disregard even more was A’Li…

If he took A’Shui away, what would happen to A’Li?

Liu Yan held his head. He couldn’t imagine what would happen to A’Li…

Something hysterical and deadly mad would surely happen…