“You… stand up.”

Strange words came from beside the Patriarch Hall in Red Butterfly Temple. Chen Defu opened his mouth in bewilderment and could only comply by standing up.

“You learn to be a cat.”

The strange voice spoke strange words. Chen Defu grunted. Though he was a fool, he didn’t want to do foolish things and was about to refuse when he saw several sharp gazes shooting over, full of dignified and stern authority.

“Meow…” Chen Defu meowed in his mouth while lamenting in his heart. After a long meow, he didn’t forget to wiggle his rear end.

“Not like it at all. Cats don’t wag their tails.” That lazy voice said again: “Go learn to be a dog pissing.”

A scholar may be killed but not humiliated. Chen Defu was indignant and glared angrily at the person. But just as his eyes turned up, he saw a rattan cane flying down at his head. He heard Suanpan Guai angrily shout: “Bold! Where did you learn such rebellious eyes? Piss for this master!”

Suanpan Guai was angry, so Chen Defu was naturally startled. He ran east and west in panic. Suddenly seeing a large tree in the courtyard, he hurried to escape beside the tree, raised his right leg high, stuck out his tongue and grinned, still showing fierce light in his eyes, not forgetting to bark wildly twice: “Woof woof! Don’t hit me!”

“Fun! Fun! You Huashan sect people are really silly! Hahaha!” Applause came from the sidelines – someone was laughing their head off.

Right in the midst of this misery, suddenly there was a thunderous boom from the sky above, and fireworks burst forth in brilliant colors, illuminating the Buddhist courtyard before them.

Looking at this Hongluo Temple hidden deep in Hongluo Mountain, this temple was originally called “Daming Temple” and was the “Nation-Protecting Zen Temple” of the Zhengtong Dynasty, claiming that the entire mountain had famous sites with all kinds of wonders. But at this moment, no place was stranger than what was before their eyes – seeing a young man standing beside a tree with his right leg raised high, barking incessantly in his mouth. Such a bizarre figure was none other than Huashan’s floor-sweeping divine child Chen Defu. They say that children born to elderly parents bring joy to their relatives, and people’s old birthday stars are very filial, but what person was this disaster star trying to please? Chen Defu secretly gritted his teeth and stole a glance behind him, only to see a small persimmon in his eyes.

The people of this world came in all strange shapes – Fei Cheng Guai looked like an orange, Suanpan Guai resembled a bamboo pole, and even Chen Defu looked exactly like a big broom. Who would have thought that the little fat child behind them was even more peculiar? He was broad-minded and plump, wearing a yellow jacket. He not only looked like a persimmon, but his name was also surely…

“Little Persimmon.” Fei Cheng Guai smiled obsequiously at the little fat child: “Look how filial our little Fu is to you, sir. Now that you’ve had fun, can we start learning sword techniques?” Suanpan Guai also laughed along: “Yes, yes, learning while playing – this is combining education with entertainment. Only then can martial arts be practiced to a high level. Come, let this old man recite it for you… The Huashan sword path hides heavenly secrets, three in front and five behind, turning to both sides, with Taiji defining heaven and earth…”

“Annoying, annoying, anno…ying!” Before the song was finished, crying and howling could already be heard in the field. Looking at Persimmon covering his ears with both hands, crying loudly: “Don’t learn! Don’t learn! Baby doesn’t want to learn your stinky martial arts! Don’t bother me!” The fat child waved his hands and feet, howling like a ghost, throwing tantrums. Meanwhile, Chen Defu was seen hiding under the tree enjoying the shade, looking like a little dog sleeping. Persimmon flew into a rage, quickly shook open his yellow jacket, pointed angrily and cursed: “Bold! Didn’t I tell you to learn cats and dogs? Why aren’t you moving again! Jump quickly!”

Chen Defu was too lazy to pay attention to him and yawned, about to turn over and sleep again, when suddenly there was a whoosh from behind – Suanpan Guai had actually grabbed a rattan cane and whipped it across his buttocks, shouting: “Stinking brat! Quickly learn to jump like cats and dogs! Otherwise I’ll beat you to death!”

Suanpan Guai’s behavior was completely unlike normal people – instead of pitying his grand-disciple, he actually helped outsiders come and bully his own child. Chen Defu panicked: “Grand-uncle master! Do you want cats or dogs? Give me a number!”

“Both!” The rattan cane came down and hit his buttocks again. Chen Defu, in pain, immediately got down on his front limbs and raised his hind feet, bouncing up and down non-stop, laughing in his mouth: “Meow-woof, meow-woof… hahaha! So happy!”

“Lord Persimmon.” Right in the midst of tearful eyes, finally someone came out to save the day. Zhao Laowu slowly stood up and said: “It’s rare to have the Lantern Festival. Instead of playing these boring tricks all the time, why don’t we solve lantern riddles?” When Zhao Laowu came, that Persimmon had originally been clapping and laughing, but hearing the old man’s unfriendly tone, he turned his head away and snorted coldly, showing his disdain.

Zhao Laowu didn’t get angry and said directly: “Lord Persimmon, this old man’s riddle isn’t difficult – it’s just about guessing a weapon. Listen carefully. This magical treasure – one chop and it breaks, one burn and it blocks, yet it can beat the ‘Three Successors’ to the ground in defeat and frighten the ‘Number One Under Heaven’ into pitiful begging for mercy. Do you know what thing it is?” Persimmon snorted and was about to yawn when he saw a green oily rattan cane extending out, swaying back and forth beside Persimmon’s face, coldly laughing: “Guessed it yet? Little ancestor?”

The most impressive old man in the world was eighty-year-old Zhao Laowu. His rattan cane had whipped countless martial arts masters. Whatever “Mr. Ruolin,” “Mr. Yufeng,” “Mr. Bufan” – when they were young and saw him, they would hurry to flee in panic. Those who escaped quickly would pat their chests in relief; those who ran slowly would cry loudly. Looking at this Persimmon falling into his poisonous grasp, he could be skinned at any moment.

“If you don’t teach, it’s the father’s fault… If teaching isn’t strict, it’s the teacher’s laziness…” Zhao Laowu said sternly: “Lord Persimmon, no matter how great your background, since you want to worship at Huashan, you must strictly follow the rules of Yuqing Temple. This Zhao advises one thing…” Before the advice was fully spoken, that Persimmon yawned and said: “So tired, want to sleep.”

Zhao Laowu laughed heartily: “Good, you have guts!” He raised his right hand high, wind whistling, the rattan cane striking straight down. Suddenly there was a loud “smack” – a big orange flew out, and after a scream, it had already fallen to the ground and rolled away. Looking back at that little Persimmon, he was still sitting properly in his original place, leisurely finishing his yawn.

Zhao Laowu fixed his eyes to look – the one rolling on the ground was Fei Cheng Guai. His anger flared up instantly: “Why did you stick your head over? Are you looking to die?” Fei Cheng Guai covered his fat face and smiled bitterly: “Laowu, beating me to death doesn’t matter, but I have to remind you – this child can’t be touched. He is…”

“‘Persimmon’.” Persimmon leisurely and contentedly extended his finger to push away the green rattan cane. They say persimmons pick the soft ones to eat, but the most terrifying persimmons in the world – not one of them is soft. The child before them was surnamed Zhu, named Zai Zhi. He was direct imperial bloodline, the sixth-generation grandson of the eighth son of the founding emperor, the Xishu Prince of Chuan. The one called “Prince of Chuan’s Heir” was him.

The emperor’s eldest son is called “Crown Prince,” while all other sons, regardless of legitimate or concubine birth, are all called “Princes.” When the sons reach ten years old, they are all awarded gold treasures and gold registers, assigned guards, sent to fiefs, and granted the title “Prince of First Rank.” As for the sons of Princes of First Rank, they are called “Prince’s Heirs.” When the sons reach ten years old, they are awarded “gilded” silver treasures and silver registers and enfeoffed as Princes of Second Rank. As for the sons of Princes of Second Rank, they are what’s called “Heirs.”

Princes, princesses, heirs, princesses of the second rank… Heaven has no two suns – since ancient times there can only be one emperor. But Princes of First and Second Rank are numerous in the imperial clan. The founding emperor of this dynasty had twenty-six sons, plus fifteen blood brothers and cousins, totaling forty-one kings in the imperial clan. From Emperor Xingzong and Emperor Chengzu onward, each emperor had at least three to five, at most seven to eight children. Over one hundred and fifty years of reproduction, there were approximately one hundred Princes of Second Rank in total – they could form a queue from Fengtian Gate all the way to Jinshui Bridge, stretching in an endless line.

For some unknown reason, while others laid eggs like hens producing sons, only Emperor Zhengtong couldn’t produce any. The emperor was nearly seventy years old, yet the country still had no crown prince. For the sake of the empire and state, several chief ministers jointly submitted a proposal requesting the emperor to select one successor from among the hundred prince heirs to serve as crown prince and heir apparent. This was the currently sensational “Heir Selection Case” that was shocking the court and countryside. The “Zai Zhi” before them was naturally one of this dynasty’s “Eight Great Prince Heirs.”

Zhu Zai Zhi was someone who might become emperor in the future – who dared to hit him? If this child truly sat on the imperial throne in the future and held grudges, wouldn’t all of Huashan suffer greatly? For this reason, even though Zhao Laowu was blowing his beard and glaring, that rattan cane still couldn’t come down.

The purer the imperial bloodline, the stranger the appearance. Fei Cheng Guai watched from the side, seeing only Zai Zhi yawn. When that dragon mouth opened, it seemed as if auspicious clouds floated out. When he sneezed, it was like celestial dragon songs. When the true Son of Heaven displayed strange phenomena, it scared Fei Cheng Guai into trembling, unable to even speak. Heaven and earth are not benevolent, treating all things as straw dogs. What if this persimmon accidentally became the Son of Heaven? What kind of ghostly appearance would this world take on? Fei Cheng Guai was full of fear and was secretly praying when he suddenly heard Zai Zhi sigh: “So hungry.”

The dragon claw extended to touch the dragon belly – the little Dragon King looked famished. When Fei Cheng Guai heard his master was hungry, he remembered the principle of loyalty to the ruler and serving the country. He looked toward Suanpan Guai, but seeing his junior brother was thin as a rail and not very appealing, he turned to look at his own fat thigh. Just as he was struggling painfully, he suddenly awakened and remembered he still had a fine tribute orange in his bosom. He breathed a great sigh of relief and hurriedly said: “Prince Heir, please have this orange.”

The orange was brought over, but Persimmon glanced at it sideways and looked surprised again: “Nonsense, this isn’t an orange.”

Fei Cheng Guai was startled. What he held in his hand was not only an orange, but a fine Dongting fire orange. This fruit was red as fire, juicy and sweet – it was an incomparable delicacy in the world. He couldn’t bear to eat it himself and had fortunately brought it to honor his ancestor. He hurriedly said: “Prince Heir is joking. This humble person has a Hunan tribute fire orange, definitely not an ordinary sweet orange.”

Zai Zhi came from aristocratic family and naturally had eaten Dongting fire oranges before, but he picked up the orange and examined it repeatedly, yet kept shaking his head: “No, no, the fire oranges in my house don’t look like this. Yours is fake.” When oranges cross the Huai River they become bitter oranges. Fei Cheng Guai became more and more puzzled listening, not knowing what was strange about his orange. But Zhao Laowu was a person of wide experience. He smiled coldly, took the orange over, peeled the skin, and said: “Prince Heir, I suppose all the oranges in your house don’t wear clothes?”

The peel was removed, revealing the crystal clear fire orange flesh inside. Persimmon looked completely surprised: “Yes! Yes! This looks exactly like the oranges in my house now.” Zhao Laowu spat and threw the fire orange to Fei Cheng Guai, saying no more.

The persimmon at the prince’s house was naked from the start because servants had already peeled it. Fei Cheng Guai suddenly understood. He cursed himself for his ignorance and hurriedly broke apart the orange segments. Just as he was about to kneel and present it respectfully, he heard Zhu Zai Zhi say: “Wait, your orange is still a bit strange. I don’t dare eat it.”

When the word “strange” came out, Fei Cheng Guai was also stunned: “Where is it strange?” Zhu Zai Zhi frowned: “Your orange has hair, like it’s a mutant strange orange.” Fei Cheng Guai was puzzled in his heart. Zhao Laowu reached out again, pinched up a fiber strand on the fruit segment, and laughed: “Prince Heir, is this thing what you mean by hair?” Zhu Zai Zhi was overjoyed: “Yes! Yes! You’re so smart!”

Fei Cheng Guai gasped, finally knowing that the fibers wrapped around the orange segments inevitably couldn’t enter the golden mouth. Just as he was about to clean it for Lord Persimmon, Zhao Laowu waved his big hand and threw the entire orange into his mouth, chewing away happily.

“Mine! Mine!” Zai Zhi cried while trying to snatch it: “My orange! You stole someone’s orange!”

Right in the midst of the commotion, footsteps could be heard from the distance. Someone laughed: “Zai Zhi, have you been good and practiced your martial arts?”

An elegant voice gave such instructions. That Persimmon immediately abandoned the orange and called out joyfully: “Father King!”

Five people came to the scene. The three behind were sturdy in build – all guards. The one in front had a blessed physique. Looking at him wearing a three-hero crown and dressed in dark yellow with a qilin embracing design, with indigo-dyed heavenly dragons decorating the front left and right – such noble attire naturally meant Persimmon’s father, “Prince of Chuan,” had arrived. Looking beside this Prince of Chuan was a middle-aged man in cloud-and-wild-goose court robes, about sixty years old – this was Huashan’s ninth-generation senior brother “Mr. Ruolin.”

When this dynasty’s Prince of Second Rank arrived, all the elders hurriedly stood and bowed: “We pay respects to Prince of Chuan!” This Prince of Chuan was quite polite and amiable, quickly helping up Zhao Laowu first, then personally helping up the Two Oddities. That Fei Cheng Guai had never been touched by a great personage in his lifetime. Having his hand held made him beam with joy – he probably wouldn’t wash his hands for ten days or half a month.

After everyone finished their courtesies, Prince of Chuan pulled Zai Zhi over and smiled: “Were you good today? What new martial arts did the elders teach you?” That Zai Zhi had fooled around all evening – where had he practiced martial arts? He panicked a bit and hurriedly said: “Yes… yes! I’m learning Cat-Dog Divine Arts.”

When Prince of Chuan suddenly heard the words “cat-dog,” his brow naturally furrowed slightly. Just as he was about to scold his beloved son, he heard continuous meowing and woofing sounds in the courtyard – someone really was practicing Cat-Dog Divine Arts. The prince was amazed in his heart and saw Chen Defu standing on one foot against the tree in a urinating pose, looking extremely bizarre. He couldn’t help but stare blankly for a long while, murmuring: “Brother Ruolin, this… this young hero has such strange martial arts. What kind of advanced technique is he using?”

How could cats and dogs fight tigers and wolves? All the elders blushed deeply. Though they wanted to tell the truth, they feared the prince would blame them for negligent teaching, actually using Cat-Dog Divine Arts to fool the prince heir. Just as they were in distress, Lü Yingchang coughed and came to the rescue: “This humble official has always heard that Prince of Chuan is knowledgeable and well-versed, familiar with all martial arts schools in West Chuan. Why not take a guess?”

When Prince of Chuan heard the flattery, he naturally stroked his beard and smiled, coming to carefully examine Chen Defu’s martial arts. He saw Chen Defu with his right foot raised high and both hands on the ground, jumping continuously beside the big tree. He immediately recalled Huashan’s “Crane Dancing Seven Star Steps” and said: “Good martial arts! This young hero’s movement technique is strange, ethereal yet unrestricted in form, entering and exiting unexpectedly with great mystery. Is he practicing some divine footwork?”

With Cat-Dog Divine Footwork before them, Lü Yingchang didn’t blush or pant, bowing and saying: “The prince is indeed knowledgeable. This is precisely our mountain’s new footwork, painstakingly created by former sect leader Mr. Bufan, kept secret and not transmitted. Today it first appears in the world. Please grant it a name, Prince.”

When Prince of Chuan heard that Huashan’s new footwork was appearing in the world, he was naturally both surprised and delighted. Seeing Chen Defu on all fours occasionally making wing-flapping motions with both hands, and that right foot even more unpredictable, sometimes kicking up like a returning horse spear, he couldn’t help but praise repeatedly: “Rare! Rare! This footwork is extraordinary, perfectly capturing the four feet of the qilin and the two wings of the peacock. It can be said to be between qilin and peacock. This king boldly suggests calling it ‘Divine Qilin Steps.’ What do the elders think?”

The elders blushed and dared not respond, but Lü Yingchang was someone used to such things. He clapped and praised joyfully: “What excellent ‘Divine Qilin Steps!’ Since the prince has honored us with golden words, why not add two more characters and call it ‘Prince of Chuan’s Divine Qilin Steps’ to make it truly distinguished!” Prince of Chuan gasped, not expecting that while Huashan sword techniques were famous throughout the world, his own name could actually be connected with divine martial arts. In the future, this would surely last through the ages. He clapped his hands and laughed: “Presumptuous! Presumptuous! What excellent ‘Prince of Chuan’s Divine Qilin Steps!’ Haha! Haha!”

Lü Yingchang, styled Ruolin, was the head of Huashan’s ninth generation disciples. Through the State Uncle’s recommendation and support, he now held the only official position in the entire mountain, making him the State Uncle’s confidant. Seeing that he had been an official for a long time, he was extremely skilled at using ambiguous language and false words to confuse people – he must also be an expert at using empty moves in daily life. That Zai Zhi beside him was a fool. Hearing cats and dogs upgraded to qilin, he was naturally overjoyed and quickly grabbed his father’s trouser leg, shouting: “Father King! This is their Cat-Dog Divine Arts! This is Zai Zhi’s invention, this is Zai Zhi’s martial arts!”

Right in the midst of the commotion, his head got a pat from his father. Prince of Chuan, bringing his son, bowed together with cupped hands: “Much obliged to all the elders for your care these past days. Next month when my child has the imperial audience competition in the Golden Throne Hall, if he truly can… if he truly can…” Speaking to this point, he took a deep breath, excitement faintly showing in his eyes, and continued: “When that time comes, this king will repay kindness with gratitude and will never dare forget the kindness of all the elders.”

Prince of Chuan being so polite, all the elders naturally hurriedly returned the courtesy and said in unison: “Why is the prince being so formal? We are entrusted by the State Uncle and naturally should devote our hearts and do our utmost. How dare we expect the prince’s rewards?” Speaking thus, they all knelt down and bowed to each other endlessly with the prince.

Eight kings, eight prince heirs, but only one crown prince throne. To find the nation’s future ruler from among these children, within one month Emperor Zhengtong would summon the eight prince heirs to examine their character, morality, learning and ability. At that time in the Golden Throne Hall, literary comparison and martial competition would naturally be inevitable.

The Eastern Palace Crown Prince would be the nation’s heir apparent. Whichever of the eight prince heirs became crown prince would be the future Nine-Five Supreme Ruler. Especially since Emperor Zhengtong was nearly seventy, this heir apparent was extraordinarily important. For this reason, all eight great kings were trying every possible means, hoping their sons could transform completely within a month. This Prince of Chuan, relying on his paternal ancestors’ kindness to State Uncle Qiong, had already seized the initiative early – on one hand sending his son to “Purple Cloud Pavilion” to study, on the other hand inviting experts from “Yuqing Temple” to guide him in martial arts. Even if he couldn’t technically surpass all rivals in the future, at least with Empress Qiong’s backing, he could remain undefeated before the emperor.

Thinking of State Uncle Qiong’s power, Prince of Chuan naturally smiled broadly. He stroked his son’s little head and said gently: “Zai Zhi, with great difficulty your father requested these Huashan masters to be willing to teach you some sword techniques. You must learn obediently, understand?”

Father’s painstaking intentions and earnest instructions fell on deaf ears as Zai Zhi pouted and frowned: “Don’t want to! Without fairy sisters, your child doesn’t want to practice.” Prince of Chuan showed surprise: “What fairy sisters?” Zai Zhi loudly said: “Father King is pretending to be dumb! Your child hates boys! Your child only loves beautiful sisters! Zai Zhi wants female masters to teach martial arts!”

The current world emphasized the principle of ultimate bliss – so-called “same sex repels, opposite sex attracts” – this was true nature. Looking at Zai Zhi, he was born especially magnetic, only attracted to beautiful women. Whenever he saw men approaching, regardless of age, he would universally repel them. All the elders were naturally dumbfounded. Zhao Laowu raised his thumb in admiration: “Amazing! Amazing! In this day and age, not loving the master but loving the master’s wife – this old man truly admires it from the heart! Haha! Haha!”

Prince of Chuan, hearing the mockery, couldn’t help but cough violently three times. The so-called “the king has a disease” was actually inherited from his dear father. Also knowing his son better than anyone, he hurriedly said: “The elders are amused. My son indeed has some problems. If he gets too close to men for too long, he’ll get red rashes on his body, sometimes even vomiting and feeling sick, losing his appetite. If your honorable mountain has female masters to guide him, that would be perfect.” Speaking thus, he looked toward Lü Yingchang and bowed deeply: “I trouble Brother Ruolin.”

Hearing the request, Lü Yingchang could only shake his head apologetically: “I’m sorry. Our mountain, bound by sect rules, only accepts male disciples. If the prince heir seeks female masters, he should go to ‘Nine Peaks Dragon Song Pavilion.'”

Among the world’s martial arts four great families and eight great sects, most accepted female disciples, with Jiuhua Mountain specializing in accepting only women as disciples. But Huashan’s Yuqing Temple was like a monk temple – even the insects on the mountain were male. Looking at Huashan’s Two Oddities who had never married wives in their lifetime, they had naturally suffered greatly from this.

Hearing that Huashan had no fairies, Persimmon pursed his lips as if to cry and immediately shouted: “Not learning anymore! Not learning anymore! Zai Zhi wants to go home and eat yuanxiao! Wuwu! Wuwu!” Persimmon turned to leave. Tonight they hadn’t even transmitted a single sentence of mental cultivation methods. Fei Cheng Guai panicked: “Prince Heir, don’t leave! Don’t leave! I’ll dress up as a woman for you to see!”

Each of the eight prince heirs had hope, but none had certainty. Not only did ministers form factions, but martial arts sects also had their own supporters. Among them, the Qiong family was imperial in-laws and especially insightful about public opinion. For State Uncle’s sake, Huashan’s elders had accepted this heavy responsibility to come and teach sword techniques. If the prince heir didn’t appreciate it, there was nothing they could do.

Just as the elders were about to chase after him, Prince of Chuan quickly picked up his son. He knew Zai Zhi’s condition was deeply ingrained and couldn’t be changed in a short time. He sighed deeply and said: “Child, father understands your pain. But child, the more you suffer now, the more worthwhile it is. Do you know why?” Persimmon looked puzzled: “Why?”

Prince of Chuan sighed quietly and said softly: “Son, do you know where in the world has the most fairy sisters?” Persimmon looked completely confused. Suanpan Guai had already smiled lecherously and said: “Is the prince talking about brothels?” When the word “brothels” was spoken, Prince of Chuan laughed heartily: “Elder, elder, pleasure quarters and Ten Thousand Blessing Towers are the refined pleasures of you common people. But for us surnamed Zhu…” Speaking thus, he smiled grimly and raised his finger, pointing far toward the imperial capital Beijing.

Everyone gasped and all awakened to understanding. The place in the world where the most beautiful women were imprisoned was the Forbidden Imperial City. Three palaces, six courts, seventy-two consorts, three thousand beauties in the rear palace – wherever you went you could play, embracing left and right. It was truly like the Zhou Son of Heaven controlling nine women in one night, with endless pleasure. Amid a chorus of amazement, Prince of Chuan smiled: “Child, do you want to go play in the rear palace?”

What pleasure compares to rear palace joy? Wine pools and meat forests, clothes and pants removed. But Persimmon was still just a small child and didn’t understand the meaning: “Rear palace… are there fairy sisters there?” Prince of Chuan, seeing his foolish child’s innocence, couldn’t help but sigh: “Silly child… the rear palace has everything. Not just fairy sisters – if you want fairy mommies, fairy little sisters, fairy empresses, fairy aunts, fairy ladies… the court can find them all for you…” Speaking thus, he leaned close to his ear and smiled: “Child, in the future when you sit on the dragon throne, any woman in this world who catches your eye will all come to bear children for you.”

Though these words were spoken softly, how could they be hidden from a crowd of martial arts practitioners? In an instant, Zhao Laowu was furious, Lü Yingchang was shocked, and even Huashan’s Two Oddities sucked in cold breath. That Persimmon was overjoyed, dancing with hands and feet, shouting: “Great! Great! Then I’ll have many, many fairy sisters!” But his joy lasted only a moment before he became worried again, panicking: “No good, Father King… with so many fairy sisters, my two hands can’t hold them all – will they be stolen?”

“No, no, there are no men in the palace, only…” Prince of Chuan raised two fingers making scissor-like snip-snap motions, squinting and smiling: “Feel at ease now? All the fairy sisters in this world will be yours.”

“All mine! All mine!” Persimmon laughed heartily, jumping and bouncing, actually starting to dance. He pointed at Chen Defu and laughed: “Father King! Then I want him to go snip-snap! Is that okay?”

“Okay…” Prince of Chuan squinted his eyes, stroking his beard and smiling: “You are the future Son of Heaven after all.”

Money can make ghosts turn millstones, power can make people become dogs. Poor Chen Defu had been earnestly learning to jump like a dog when he suddenly heard he was to be castrated. Scared out of his wits, he jumped even higher. Amid the laughter, Prince of Chuan turned around and stood up, bowing to everyone: “Thank you elders for your trouble. Tomorrow this king will bring him again. At that time, please strictly supervise and teach him – don’t spoil him anymore.” While speaking, that little Persimmon hid by his father’s feet but made faces at all the elders, angering Zhao Laowu to curse under his breath while Lü Yingchang bowed in return, pretending not to notice.

Prince of Chuan finally left. Zhao Laowu was burning with anger and grabbed Lü Yingchang, roaring: “Ruolin! You bastard aiding and abetting evil! How can we Huashan righteous people become accomplices to a tyrant? If you don’t drive this little tyrant out the door, don’t blame me for calling together the elders to expel you from the sect!”

Expulsion from the sect was like a death sentence for martial arts people. Though Huashan’s Two Oddities acted recklessly, they wouldn’t come to such an end. Just as they were about to plead for their grand-nephew, they saw Lü Yingchang shake his head: “Fifth Grand-Uncle doesn’t know. This Zai Zhi actually isn’t bad by nature. Truly speaking, this child is still this dynasty’s hope.”

A lecherous father-son pair of flower thieves were the court’s hope? Everyone listened in stunned amazement. Zhao Laowu flew into a rage: “Bullshit! If I had to place hope in this little tyrant, damn it, I’d rather place hope in a dog! Ruolin! Exactly how much benefit did you receive from his father? Confess honestly!”

Lü Yingchang shook his head and said directly: “Grand-Uncle, please don’t be angry yet. You haven’t seen the other prince heirs yet. If you witnessed their behavior with your own eyes, I guarantee you’d be the first to support Zai Zhi.”

Hearing that there were higher mountains beyond mountains, everyone was naturally frightened and jumped up. Zhao Laowu was shocked: “You… what are you saying?” Lü Yingchang sighed: “If Grand-Uncle doesn’t believe Ruolin’s words, you might as well personally go to each prince’s mansion to inquire – I guarantee it will open your eyes wide.” Everyone’s faces turned pale and they couldn’t make a sound. Zhao Laowu was horrified: “Damn it? Aren’t these prince heirs all ten-year-old children? At such a young age, what evil can they do?”

Lü Yingchang sighed: “Grand-Uncle doesn’t understand. Children’s natures are simple – they seem neither lustful nor greedy for wealth, but in their hearts they also have no concept of right and wrong. Once they lack parental discipline, their behavior is no different from wild beasts.”

In the beginning, human nature is inherently good – this goodness is not that goodness. Once children become selfish, they often stop at no evil, surpassing adults by three degrees. Zhao Laowu swallowed cold saliva and muttered: “Screw your grandmother… isn’t there a single decent one among these prince heirs?”

Lü Yingchang said quietly: “Good children naturally exist too. Among the eight prince heirs, the most virtuous and capable is called Xun Yi, sixth-generation descendant of the founding emperor’s collateral branch. Another named Yu De is a descendant of Emperor Xizu’s second son, Prince of Shouchun. When these two children were born, their families had already fallen into decline, poor and humble – they are both rarely seen pure and simple good children.”

Fei Cheng Guai was surprised: “Emperor Xizu? Was there such an emperor?” Lü Yingchang explained: “Emperor Xizu was the founding emperor’s grandfather. Back then three generations were posthumously enfeoffed, so he also received a temple name.” After emperors ascended the throne, even if their fathers and grandfathers had already passed away, they could still benefit from the dead and become underworld emperors – there had been countless such precedents over thousands of years.

Hearing this, Zhao Laowu naturally smiled bitterly: “Damn, family from eight hundred years ago – no wonder these two children’s families fell into decline. I suppose they were brought in just for show? Right or wrong?”

Ginger gets spicier with age. In ancient times during the Three Kingdoms, Liu Bei was imperial descendant, but after two hundred years passed, he was selling straw sandals as a street vendor. Seeing Grandfather Zhao’s sharp insight, Lü Yingchang naturally admired him secretly and said: “Grand-Uncle sees clearly. This heir selection case, according to the emperor’s intentions, must find eight prince heirs to represent auspicious omens from all eight directions. However, the conditions set by His Majesty were too harsh. The ministers searched repeatedly but couldn’t gather eight people. They had no choice but to find these two unfortunate children to make up the numbers.”

Fei Cheng Guai was surprised: “What conditions are so severe?” Lü Yingchang said: “For a Prince of Second Rank’s heir to become a candidate for heir selection, he must meet three major requirements. First, he must be born after the first year of Zhengtong, around ten years old, not exceeding six months difference. Second, his bloodline must be pure – he must be legitimate, not born to concubines. Third, his family background must be clean – his father’s generation must not have served in office during the Jingtai Dynasty, nor could they have conspired with river bandits. These three conditions screen extremely strictly. Though this dynasty has about a hundred Princes of Second Rank, it’s extremely difficult to find even one who meets the criteria, let alone eight.”

Fei Cheng Guai, having little education, naturally didn’t understand political principles and asked: “Why look for ten-year-old children to be crown prince? Wouldn’t three-year-olds work?”

Zhao Laowu spat: “Fool, how old is the emperor?” Fei Cheng Guai murmured: “About seventy?” Zhao Laowu laughed heartily: “Exactly! This old thief might die tomorrow – how could the court find a three-year-old child as heir apparent?” Suanpan Guai laughed: “Makes sense. Maybe while we’re chatting here, he’ll stretch out his legs and die.”

Hearing the elders speak without restraint, Lü Yingchang’s face naturally looked ugly and he hurried to say: “Grand-Uncle and Grand-Uncle Master, please be careful with your words.” The elders, relying on their high seniority, treated his words as mere wind. Fei Cheng Guai, who loved to argue, immediately shouted: “That’s not right! Since the emperor is about to die, why not find some thirty-year-old talented young men to be emperor? Wouldn’t that be good for handling affairs earlier?”

Zhao Laowu spat: “Treasonous thing! What do you mean by handling affairs ‘earlier’? Who are you trying to curse with that word ‘earlier’?” Seeing the Two Oddities were confused and didn’t understand, Lü Yingchang, deeply afraid that Master Zhao would mock politics again, could only explain himself: “Thirty years old is prime age with the strongest spirit. Once taking the crown prince position, with support from all sides, they could force the emperor to abdicate at any time.”

Fei Cheng Guai didn’t understand the phrase “force abdication” and kept mumbling unintelligibly. Zhao Laowu laughed: “Still don’t understand? The emperor isn’t a fool – why would he create a thirty-year-old big tiger to sleep beside his pillow day and night waiting to take over? The old man would be scared to death even if he weren’t already dying.” The Two Oddities finally understood and couldn’t help gasping. Only then did they realize that heir selection was a major matter – the dangerous mechanisms and deep strategic planning within were beyond what outsiders could imagine.

After Zhao Laowu scolded them both, he continued: “Ruolin, who actually has hope of being selected now? Can you tell us?” Lü Yingchang shook his head: “The current court situation is chaotic – no one dares speak rashly. Aside from Xun Yi and Yu De, these two for show, the remaining six prince heirs each have powerful factions supporting them. However, the strongest power belongs to Prince Hui’s son Zai Yun.”

Zhao Laowu made a sound of understanding: “Prince Hui? Are you talking about Prince Hui from the Loyalist Army’s ‘Lin Hui De Qing’?” Lü Yingchang sighed: “Exactly this Prince Hui. His son Zai Yun has the combined support of four great kings – like stars surrounding the moon, his momentum is fierce. Currently all court speculation believes Zai Yun has the greatest hope.”

Zhao Laowu mocked: “Then why is all of Huashan busy? Let’s quickly change sides.”

Lü Yingchang looked slightly embarrassed and hurried to say: “Fifth Grand-Uncle is joking. Though Prince Hui’s son Zai Yun has great power, various court factions are watching like tigers – how could they sit and wait for death? Like Prince Tang’s heir Zai Wu and Prince Lu’s heir Zai Qi – one found Director Fang of the Eastern Depot for assistance, another has Grand Secretary He supporting him. Both of these princes have vast family wealth and are naturally quite imposing.”

Zhao Laowu listened lazily. He didn’t care about ministers or scholars and said directly: “Don’t talk about court affairs. Now even our Huashan is wading into these muddy waters. What about Shaolin and Wudang? They probably also have their supported candidates?”

Lü Yingchang nodded: “Wudang Mountain’s Master Yuan Yi is Prince Feng’s heir Zai Huai’s master. As for Shaolin Temple… I heard that for the sake of the Five Chief Ministers’ Grand Secretary Yang, Abbot Ling Ding has already come to the capital to personally teach Prince Xu’s son Zai Jing martial arts.”

Zhao Laowu frowned: “Grand Secretary Yang? What connection does he have with Prince Xu?” Lü Yingchang hurried to say: “Lord Yang and Prince Xu are in-laws. His cousin Shu Ning is Prince Xu’s consort.”

The eight prince heirs fighting with backup helpers – looking at Prince Xu’s son, not only did his father have power and influence, but even his mother had some capability. He naturally had great advantages. Zhao Laowu yawned: “Bunch of bastards – from what I hear, they’re all incompetent fools. I bet most of them can’t even read.”

Lü Yingchang shook his head: “Grand-Uncle is greatly mistaken. These five prince heirs – Hui, Tang, Xu, Feng, and Lu – aren’t stupid at all. They’re all exceptionally intelligent. Some are shrewd and capable, others are both literary and martial. What’s rare is they all love reading…”

Fei Cheng Guai was shocked: “Love reading? Then why do you say they’ve gone bad?” Lü Yingchang sighed: “They disdain reading the various schools of thought and the great teachings of Confucius and Mencius. Instead, they can forget food and sleep studying the dark arts and imperial learning.”

Everyone’s faces turned pale, finally understanding the benefits of little Persimmon’s idiocy. Zhao Laowu smiled bitterly: “Alright, alright. What about that fool Zai Zhi? Does he have hope of being selected?”

Lü Yingchang said: “Whether he can be selected – with my limited abilities, I can’t tell. However, though this child Zai Zhi is foolish, he has one advantage: his grandfather was this dynasty’s Emperor Longqing’s blood brother, making his bloodline closest to our emperor.”

Emperor Longqing was the father of the brothers Wu Ying and Jingtai – his bloodline was the most orthodox. Zhao Laowu was delighted: “No wonder our State Uncle supports Prince of Chuan – so there’s this connection.” Lü Yingchang smiled: “Exactly so. Our Prince of Chuan, by generational ranking, is His Majesty’s younger cousin. The other seven princes can only be considered distant relatives – in the emperor’s eyes, they’re all outsiders. When the time comes and Zai Zhi enters the Golden Throne Hall and calls out ‘Cousin Uncle,’ it might give him several more points of hope.”

Hearing this, everyone finally understood this selection was no small matter – it could be said to affect the destiny of the entire realm. Learning how grave the matter was, Zhao Laowu, who had originally been hostile toward little Persimmon, now wanted to help him instead. He immediately took out his rattan cane and coldly laughed, planning to beat this little ancestor half to death tomorrow so he’d practice a few more sword techniques.

After everyone talked for a while, Lü Yingchang suddenly said: “I can’t talk anymore – I still have things to be busy with.” Speaking thus, he turned his head and called: “Defu, Defu, come here for a moment.”

Finally someone remembered him. Poor Chen Defu had been woofing and meowing under the tree, dancing gracefully until he was exhausted. Hearing his uncle-master’s summons, he naturally trembled as he wobbled over, panting: “Uncle-master, two Grand-Uncle Masters, and Grand-Uncle Master, what can I do for you?”

Lü Yingchang said: “Uncle-master has an errand for you – I need you to run a task.” Chen Defu’s legs were still sore, and hearing another task coming, he naturally said in panic: “No good! Tonight is the Lantern Festival – I need to go carry lanterns and play…”

Fei Cheng Guai, hearing him shirk, immediately got angry: “Stinking brat! How old are you to still carry lanterns?” In an instant, the Two Oddities took advantage to punch and kick, shouting: “Are you free now?” Chen Defu grinned crookedly and laughed: “Free, free! Uncle-master, what are your instructions? Please speak quickly!”

Hearing him volunteer so readily, Lü Yingchang immediately smiled: “Good child, go to Cloud Gathering Tea Hall in a bit and find a Eunuch Fu to fetch a packet of invitations for uncle-master.” Chen Defu looked confused: “Invitations?” Lü Yingchang explained: “I mean wedding invitations that Old Master Qiong commissioned the palace to print.”

Hearing this, everyone was both shocked and delighted. This old man Qiong Wuchuan in Beijing was over eighty and nearing the end – this white invitation was naturally better the later it came. As for the other red one, the earlier the better. Thinking of the beautiful Young Pavilion Master Qiong, Zhao Laowu was overjoyed: “Is it about the sect leader and the young miss’s wedding?” Lü Yingchang smiled: “Exactly. Formal proposal at month’s end, betrothal ceremony early next month, wedding procession on the seventeenth of the second month.”

Zhao Laowu had originally been laughing heartily, but hearing the rushed wedding schedule, he couldn’t help being stunned. Since ancient times, wedding ceremonies were elaborate affairs divided into six rites: formal proposal, name inquiry, minor betrothal, major betrothal, date selection, and wedding procession. They emphasized matching family status and proper matchmaking – it was the most tedious process. Yet he didn’t know why it was arranged so compactly. He couldn’t help asking in surprise: “Is the State Uncle in a hurry to jump over walls? Why are the dates arranged so tightly?”

Lü Yingchang lowered his head and remained silent, seeming to have something hard to express. Fei Cheng Guai blinked and suddenly remembered something, becoming overjoyed: “I know, I know why the dates are so tight…” Everyone looked curious. Fei Cheng Guai laughed continuously: “I guess the Young Pavilion Master, she…” Speaking thus, he touched his own big belly and sighed: “So big, so big.”

The current world emphasized divine principles, so talented scholars and beautiful ladies didn’t need matchmakers’ words but often married following their children’s commands. Using the bridal chamber as a delivery room, combining wedding wine with full-month wine – it was quite convenient. Hearing such absurd words, Lü Yingchang was naturally both embarrassed and angry, hurrying to say: “Grand-Uncle! Don’t talk nonsense!”

Fei Cheng Guai, being disrespectful in his old age and annoying people, Suanpan Guai beside him hurried to scold: “Yes, senior brother really doesn’t learn! Our Young Pavilion Master just returned from Guizhou – she was away from the sect leader for a whole month. How could her belly get big?”

Fei Cheng Guai laughed: “You fool, when she wasn’t by the sect leader’s side, her belly grew even faster.” Suanpan Guai was surprised: “What do you mean?” Fei Cheng Guai laughed: “What do I mean? A big belly isn’t necessarily made big by the sect leader. What the sect leader made big isn’t necessarily Pavilion Master Qiong’s belly. The big belly is just a complete mess.”

Suanpan Guai was greatly shocked: “Yes! That makes sense! But… but the child in the belly should have a father. Who exactly is he?” Fei Cheng Guai smiled mysteriously: “Whoever got close to her last month is a suspect.”

Hearing this, Suanpan Guai couldn’t help being startled with fear, remembering he had also gone to Guizhou. His whole body began trembling involuntarily.

Hearing the two old men talk more and more nonsensically, Lü Yingchang beside them was naturally so angry his whole body shook. Though he wanted to slap them, being hindered by seniority he couldn’t get his way. Fortunately, Grand-Uncle Master Zhao was beside him and suddenly roared: “You two bastards! If your dog mouths dare let out one more fart, this old man will slaughter you both!”

Zhao Laowu was furious, so all around naturally became quiet with no one daring to make a sound. Suddenly there was a “puff” sound and the place reeked – this fart was actually released by Zhao Laowu himself. Seeing everyone staring at him, he hurried to deflect and laugh: “Ruolin, I heard this Guizhou trip was quite exciting. Yufeng didn’t get scolded to death by the State Uncle?”

The long journey to Guizhou didn’t find Ning Bufan but nearly killed Fu Yuanying instead. First, everyone clashed with palace troops in Jingzhou, causing disputes. Later, Qiong Fang went missing in Yangzhou, causing citywide commotion. When news reached Beijing, it infuriated the State Uncle and worried all of Huashan to death. Poor “Mr. Yufeng” had capsized in the gutter and was naturally overwhelmed these past days.

Lü Yingchang sighed: “At least the Young Pavilion Master returned safely. At this point, Yufeng has finally put down one worry.”

Qiong Fang had been missing for many days but finally appeared at Hongluo Temple in the evening – everyone witnessed it personally. Zhao Laowu comforted: “Alright, I see the little girl is quite happy, still playing with noodles. Nothing’s wrong, nothing’s wrong.”

Hearing this, Lü Yingchang’s face became as ugly as if black ink had been poured on it. Zhao Laowu was surprised: “What’s wrong now?” Lü Yingchang smiled bitterly in a low voice: “Nothing, just please don’t mention this matter again, Fifth Grand-Uncle, to avoid more troubles.”

Though Huashan’s Two Oddities were stupid people, their ears were quite sharp. They exchanged meaningful glances, understanding that Qiong Fang’s belly had inexplicably grown large and it must be related to eating noodles.

Zhao Laowu secretly became suspicious but didn’t dare ask more, hurrying to say: “Alright, alright. In any case, the wedding is set and the bride has returned. The State Uncle won’t really punish Yufeng, so don’t worry about him.” Lü Yingchang shook his head: “Yufeng’s abilities are very strong – I wasn’t worried about him from the start. It’s the sect leader… sigh… just thinking about it annoys me…”

The bride had finally returned home, but the groom seemed to show signs of madness. Zhao Laowu’s scalp tingled as he hurried to ask: “What’s wrong with him now?”

Lü Yingchang shook his head: “Ever since Pavilion Master Qiong went south to Guizhou, I’ve seen him shut up in his room day and night. I don’t know what’s going on…” The Two Oddities remembered those strange drawings and couldn’t help being surprised: “Yes! We see him drawing every day – round ones, square ones, long ones, short ones. What exactly is he doing?”

Lü Yingchang sighed: “I think the young sect leader has hit a bottleneck.” Martial arts practitioners would inevitably encounter one great demonic barrier in their lifetime. If they could successfully cross it, they could enter the supreme realm. Otherwise, they would be fixed at their current level. No matter how hard they practiced afterward, they could at most improve their internal energy but could never undergo complete transformation again. This principle was like a caterpillar transforming into a butterfly – whether it could break out of the cocoon depended on a single thread. Such barriers weren’t only encountered by “Mr. Bufan” – even Fu Yuanying, Lü Yingchang, Zhao Laowu, and even the Mongol Zhe’er Dan had all encountered them. If they could successfully shed their shells, they could hatch divine martial arts like “Great Black Heaven Fist.” Otherwise, they would live in depression.

Looking at Fu Yuanying’s swordsmanship, though first-rate, he could never become a top master. Though he didn’t say it, he must be depressed inside. As for Lü Yingchang himself, he had long seen through destiny and turned to develop his official career. As for Fei Cheng Guai and Suanpan Guai, these two old men, though seventy or eighty years old, were still in the caterpillar stage and had never seen any great barriers. Hearing their grand-nephew mention this matter, they looked completely confused.

Zhao Laowu had ignored worldly affairs these past years. Seeing the younger generation worried and distressed, he naturally laughed heartily. Just as he was about to speak words of comfort, he heard someone shout: “Father, your child has returned!” Everyone turned to look and saw a fair-faced young man hurrying over. His appearance somewhat resembled Lü Yingchang – it was his eldest son Lü Deli arriving.

Though Lü Yingchang’s martial arts couldn’t compare to Ning Bufan or Fu Yuanying, he was quite capable of producing sons. Under his knee were three outstanding disciples named Deli, Deyi, and Delian. This Lü Deli was the eldest of the three brothers, the same age as Chen Defu but with much higher martial arts – he was considered outstanding among the tenth generation disciples.

Seeing his eldest son arrive, Lü Yingchang said sternly: “You’re finally back. Are all the wedding invitations from the princes’ mansions delivered?” Lü Deli replied: “We brothers split into three groups and delivered all we should have. However, there are still several princes we couldn’t find.”

Lü Yingchang had been entrusted by the State Uncle these past days to organize the wedding. He knew the wedding schedule was tight and invitations needed to be sent out early. Hearing his son couldn’t find people, he naturally frowned: “Playing around again! Didn’t all the princes come to Beijing for New Year greetings? How could you not find them?”

Just as he was about to scold his sons for being lazy, Lü Deli hurried to say: “Father, don’t be angry. These princes all left the city. See for yourself.” He presented the invitations with both hands for his father to examine.

Lü Yingchang looked down and read, murmuring: “Prince Lin Yan, Prince Hui Qi, Prince De Ji, Prince Qing Xin… What a coincidence? All four princes Lin, Hui, De, and Qing left the city?”

Zhao Laowu thought for a moment and remembered these four princes were commanders of the Loyalist Army. He hurried to ask: “Didn’t you go to the Capital Region Camp to find them?” Lü Deli said: “Your child went to look. Their guards were quite fierce. After asking for a long time, they finally said the four princes had urgent business and went to Bazhou together.”

Zhao Laowu was slightly stunned and exchanged glances with Lü Yingchang. Both said in unison: “Bazhou? Doesn’t the Loyalist Army guard Beijing? What are they doing in Bazhou?”

Lü Deli was just a young man – how could he understand military affairs? He naturally couldn’t answer. Lü Yingchang was full of worry and didn’t care where the Loyalist Army had gone, saying: “Never mind. At least among the hundred or so princes, only four are missing. Deli… while Hongluo Temple is full of officials, you’ll accompany father later to deliver invitations and finish all the first three ranks of important ministers at once…”

Lü Deli panicked: “No good, father! Your child has an appointment later…” Huashan’s Two Oddities laughed: “Little Li, are you meeting with Kunlun Sect’s Miss Huang again? Have you held her little hand yet?”

They say dog mouths can’t spit out ivory. Lü Deli was scared and hurried to say: “Father! Your child really has business and can’t stay…” Fearing his father would stop him, he quickly used his lightness skill and disappeared in a flash.

As soon as Lü Deli’s front foot left, Chen Defu wanted to follow. But he hadn’t taken two steps when he heard a sigh from behind: “Defu, where do you want to go?” Hearing Lü Yingchang call him, Chen Defu could only lower his head and mumble: “No… nowhere.”

Lü Yingchang sighed: “Good child, among all the disciples on the mountain, you’re the most obedient. Hurry and fetch the wedding invitations. Don’t be playful, understand?”

Seeing Master Lü leave and the Two Oddities also disperse, Chen Defu could only drag his iron broom toward “Cloud Gathering Tea Hall.”

Chen Defu couldn’t become a master but got blessing instead. Since he was fifteen, this person had bad luck every day. While Confucius established himself at thirty, had no doubts at forty, and knew the mandate of heaven at fifty, Chen Defu far surpassed Confucius by directly “knowing the mandate of heaven” at fifteen. That year he had enthusiastically joined Huashan, thinking he was the little prodigy his parents talked about and would surely become “Number One Under Heaven” in the future. Who knew that upon entering and seeing his fellow disciples – some clever, some graceful, all dancing with swords like Eight Immortals crossing the sea – Chen Defu was greatly shocked and immediately understood the mandate of heaven. From then on, he put down his butcher’s knife, immediately became enlightened, and became the mountain’s unpaid little laborer.

Whether cooking rice or making vegetables, he had originally thought that after being at the bottom for ten whole years, the sect would finally accept a new batch of junior disciples, and he could escape his miserable life at the bottom to become the respected Senior Brother Defu. Who knew that before new disciples arrived, a little tyrant appeared who specifically designated him as a companion. It seemed his life wouldn’t last much longer.

Chen Defu sighed and shook his head, dragging his iron broom all the way. Though Hongluo Temple was decorated with lanterns and festive colors, he had no mood to look. He was walking along with his head down when he suddenly saw someone standing not far away. Looking at that person with prominent features and bright eyes, it was his fellow disciple Du Dexian.

Tonight being the Lantern Festival, through the State Uncle’s kindness, though Huashan disciples had no official positions, they could still come to Hongluo Temple to view lanterns. This Du Dexian had naturally come to play too. Chen Defu was overjoyed to suddenly see his fellow disciple and hurried forward calling: “One-Legged Immortal! One-Legged Immortal!”

Huashan disciples had many nicknames. Besides “Broom Fu,” there were also “One-Legged Immortal,” “Dead Virtue,” “Su Fucking Cao,” and others – most were unpleasant to hear, all masterpieces of mutual insults between senior and junior disciples. As for the three brothers Deli, Deyi, and Delian, because they still lacked a little brother, their nicknames were also extremely unpleasant.

“One-Legged Immortal! One-Legged Immortal!” Chen Defu called several times, but Du Dexian ignored him completely, managing to stare straight ahead without moving. Chen Defu was surprised: “One-Legged Immortal, what’s wrong with you?”

Hearing Broom Fu’s question, Du Dexian showed a righteous expression, turning a deaf ear to the conversation, like wood and stone. After a while, he reached up to brush away the hair on his forehead, then sank his face down, displaying inexplicable dignity. Chen Defu muttered: “What’s this about? Did someone hit his mute acupoint?” He shook his head and followed One-Legged Immortal’s gaze, only to see a young girl.

The beautiful girl had bright eyes and white teeth. She looked up at the flower lanterns, admiring one then walking to another, her movements elegant and graceful, lingering and reluctant to leave. However, no matter how she moved her steps, she never strayed more than five feet from in front of Du Dexian.

Chen Defu made a sound of understanding, turned to look at his fellow disciple, and saw his righteous expression becoming even more noble. In an instant, he gasped and thought to himself: “This is long-distance flirtation! I’ve finally witnessed it!”

The annual Lantern Festival was called “Golden Guardsmen Not Forbidden.” From the fourteenth day of the first month when lanterns were hung until the eighteenth when they were taken down, for five full days in the capital, government offices were sealed and there were no restrictions between men and women, young and old. Therefore, if young men and women wanted to engage in long-distance flirtation, tonight was the time to act.

The moon was full and flowers beautiful – at such a wonderful moment with beautiful scenery, the beauty was charming and lovely, the talented man righteously dignified. But when Chen Defu saw this, an inexplicable fire arose in his heart. Thinking of his own low martial arts and plain appearance, he had always been at the bottom. The only member of the opposite sex he was familiar with was the fierce old woman in the back kitchen who came to collect slop and always took the opportunity to insult him. Having been lonely all his life, suddenly seeing men and women casting spells on each other, jealousy naturally arose. He snorted twice and blocked his fellow disciple’s view, loudly saying: “One-Legged Immortal, did you apply medicine?”

Du Dexian had originally been proud as an immortal, but hearing this was like having cold water poured on him. He panicked: “Apply… apply what medicine?” Chen Defu was surprised: “You forgot to apply it again? Didn’t Master Fu already warn you not to use your long sword to pick at your toes anymore?” Speaking thus, he shook his head repeatedly and sighed: “You, oh you, no matter how high your aptitude, you can’t keep standing on one leg like a golden rooster. Cure your athlete’s foot early, stabilize your lower stance, and then your martial arts will greatly improve…”

The two briefly discussed the disgusting ailment of athlete’s foot, and the girl’s face trembled before she disappeared without a trace. Du Dexian was both sad and angry, shouting loudly: “Chen Defu! The night before last I finally went to the Old Man Under the Moon temple and worked hard to obtain this marriage fortune stick, but you… you deliberately ruined my great affair! You… you…” Speaking thus, he assumed the golden rooster standing on one leg stance.

Chen Defu was alarmed: “Don’t act rashly!” Du Dexian angrily said: “Get lost! Killing you, this beast, would dirty my sword!” Speaking thus, he took off his left boot and used the sword tip to poke at the sole of his foot – he truly couldn’t bear it anymore. Seeing him give up on himself, Chen Defu was secretly pleased and laughed: “Poison Foot Immortal, what were you saying about Old Man Under the Moon? Who is that?”

Du Dexian snorted: “Red Maiden and Old Man Under the Moon – these two both help single men and resentful women arrange marriages. You’ve never heard of them?” Chen Defu shook his head: “Never heard of them.”

Du Dexian smiled coldly: “Fool, no wonder you’re always at the bottom.” He adopted a young hero’s pose, scratching his foot while saying: “The story goes that long, long ago… there was a scholar surnamed Zhang who had to go to war or something and needed to say goodbye to his wife. The couple knew the future was uncertain and they were going thousands of li apart, so they wept bitterly and couldn’t bear to part. Then… an old man flew out from under the moon. Do you know who he was?” Chen Defu laughed: “You think I’m a fool? Of course he was the Old Man Under the Moon.”

Du Dexian’s face reddened as he thrust his long sword into the sole of his foot. With a “tsk” sound, he groaned in pain, his eyes tearing up, finally managing to pick off a piece of diseased foot skin. He peeled off the rotten skin from the sword tip and brought it to his nose to smell, then continued: “This Old Man Under the Moon has the kindest heart. Seeing this couple deeply in love and unable to bear separation, he took out a red thread and tied it around their feet, saying that as long as they wore the red thread, even if separated by the ends of the earth, they could reunite in the future.”

Chen Defu was surprised: “What happened after?” Du Dexian felt relieved and put his boot back on: “Later they naturally reunited. It’s said that after being tied with the red thread, whenever that scholar Zhang wanted to visit flower districts and willow lanes, lightning would strike from the sky. That scholar Zhang’s wife was the same – if she wanted to go out and seduce men, she would get sores all over her body and couldn’t show her face. Finally, this couple had nowhere to turn and were forced to reunite.”

Chen Defu was startled with fear: “This Old Man Under the Moon is truly terrifying. His martial arts must be formidable.” Du Dexian laughed heartily and was about to say more when he heard silvery bell-like laughter echoing continuously. Looking back, he saw a large group of young girls coming through the flowers and willows – it was the Old Man Under the Moon drawing lines again. His face lit up with joy and he hurriedly sheathed his sword: “I won’t chat with you anymore – I’m busy again.”

Just as he was about to approach the beauties, he suddenly heard Chen Defu shout loudly: “Everyone be careful! Huashan Poison Sword heir Du Dexian attacks with foot odor reaching the heavens!” With the Poison Sword secret exposed, let alone the Old Man Under the Moon’s red thread – even if the Jade Emperor issued a personal decree, it probably wouldn’t work.

Du Dexian was quite clever and quickly took out a small silver ingot from his pocket, whispering instructions: “Go play with the Lü family three brothers and spare me.” Seeing his fellow disciple’s pleading expression, Chen Defu smiled and immediately pocketed the silver, bouncing away on his own.

When things reach extremes, they reverse. When a person’s aptitude is insufficient and reaches the valley bottom, they can instead derive a kind of pleasure from it. Chen Defu washed clothes and pants for his senior and junior disciples daily, so he had many conveniences. He knew all of Huashan’s secrets – who had athlete’s foot, who had ringworm. In short, with one opening of his golden mouth, he could destroy an entire row of jade-faced young heroes at any time.

“Hehehe… kill all of you…” Chen Defu laughed coldly. Having spent a lifetime unable to bear seeing others happy, he wandered around the gardens searching. Whichever fellow disciple dared to appear as a couple before him would have their underwear secrets exposed to the world.

Walking and looking, while hunting for mandarin ducks, he suddenly saw a line drawn on the ground, winding and curving in some strange way. Chen Defu made a sound of understanding, remembering the Old Man Under the Moon legend, and thought: “Where there are lines, maybe there’s something good.” He swallowed and hurriedly followed the line, running to search for beauties.

Passing through bamboo groves and flower beds, Chen Defu ran until he was gasping for breath. After going around such a large circle, he was surprised to find himself back at the starting point.

Chen Defu was surprised: “A circle?” Though Broom Fu was simple-minded, he wasn’t stupid. He already knew the ground had a huge circle drawn on it, probably twenty zhang in diameter. He blinked, not knowing where this line came from. Wanting to investigate clearly, he walked along the line again. This time he slowed his pace, and soon saw that inside the circle were two straight lines intersecting at the circumference, forming right angles with each other.

Chen Defu made a sound of understanding, seeing these two lines meet at one point and extend toward the northeast and other directions. Not knowing what fortune or misfortune this held, he was puzzled and hurried to follow the eastern straight line. This time, turning along the angles, he ran through four right angles and found himself back at the starting point again.

Chen Defu gasped and looked around, realizing: “A square within a circle – how magical!”

“Square within circle, circle within square” – these eight characters seemed familiar somehow. The more Chen Defu thought about it, the more interesting it became, so he enthusiastically started playing. Stepping along the straight lines to search, in a moment he found a curved line. Following the curved line, he indeed found straight lines again. Repeating this endlessly, the circles became smaller and the squares inside also became smaller. The more he walked, the more dizzy he became. With a “thud,” his head hit a flower tree and he fell to the ground. Just as he was about to groan and crawl up, he heard a low sigh.

“Sigh…” The desolate sigh seemed to carry unspeakable suffering, like being bitten by a poisonous snake. Chen Defu was startled and quickly peeked out from under the flower bushes, seeing a young master sitting deep in the bamboo grove. Looking at his clothing, he was indeed a Huashan sect member. Chen Defu chuckled secretly: “Another one to mess with.” Just as he was about to throw stones at the person, that person also turned his head. Chen Defu clearly saw the person’s face and couldn’t help being shocked, thinking: “This person can’t be provoked.”

The young master before him was not only unprovokable but shouldn’t be provoked – he was the hero who dominated the “Kui Star Fighting Five Passes” grand arena, the “Three Successors’ Heir” Su Ying.

On this Lantern Festival night with flowers and moon, Su Ying’s grand wedding was imminent. Instead of embracing Pavilion Master Qiong, what was he doing here? Chen Defu was puzzled and quietly climbed up the tree, planning to investigate and report to the elders later.

With this look, he couldn’t help being dumbfounded. He saw that the bamboo grove was covered by a large circle with a twenty-zhang diameter. Square within circle, circle within square – repeating and overlapping layer upon layer, finally forming a small circle that enclosed the sect leader within.

From outside the bamboo grove to under the sect leader’s feet, there were at least a thousand squares and circles, all gradually expanding with the “Three Successors’ Heir” as the center. Chen Defu was filled with horror: “Hasn’t the sect leader’s illness recovered yet?”

More than a month ago, the sect leader encountered a mysterious black-clothed stranger at the Imperial Medical Academy. After their great battle, he inexplicably fell ill and since then had been turning circles into squares and squares into circles day and night, frightening all the elders. Finally, Pavilion Master Qiong was forced to go south to Guizhou. Now it was already Lantern Festival night, the New Year had passed, Pavilion Master Qiong had returned, yet Sect Leader Su was still playing the great battle of squares and circles.

Deep in the forest where no one knew, the bright moon came to illuminate. Su Ying before him gazed at the sky – that appearance was truly a generation of sword saint, elegant and refined. Seeing his bearing, Chen Defu was filled with admiration and was about to clasp his hands in worship when he suddenly saw the sect leader lower his head and take out a piece of paper from his bosom. His lips murmured as if grieving about something or worrying about something.

Chen Defu was slightly stunned and thought: “The sect leader seems to have something on his mind.” A person who had reached Su Ying’s level lacked for nothing. He was handsome and beautiful, with eyes as large as a cat’s. No girl who saw him didn’t secretly admire him. Plus his martial arts were high and his reputation resounding – what troubles could he still have?

Chen Defu silently watched and suddenly saw the sect leader bite his teeth. In an instant, two streams of tears slid down his cheeks. His body leaned forward and he actually knelt on the ground, throwing that piece of paper violently to the ground.

Sect Leader Su covered his face with both hands, kneeling on the ground, and actually began sobbing aloud. Chen Defu was greatly shocked and thought: “Uncle Master Mengxiang!”

Huashan’s most tragic story was about “Uncle Master Mengxiang.” His natural talent was higher than Master Fu’s, his swordsmanship stronger than Master Lü’s. He was once regarded as a genius rarely seen in a hundred years. But unfortunately, Huashan already had Ning Bufan at that time.

What did a once-in-a-century genius matter when a once-in-a-millennium genius appeared? Uncle Master Mengxiang naturally wasn’t content. To prove he could stand as equals with Master Ning Bufan, he practiced swordsmanship day and night, hoping to be first to comprehend the “Three Successors Sword.” As a result, on the night Master Ning Bufan inherited the leadership, Uncle Master Mengxiang walked dazedly before everyone. His body leaned forward, he knelt on the ground, tears and snot all flowed out…

After that night, “Uncle Master Mengxiang” left… He went alone to Flying Peak and never returned…

Thinking of the sect’s sad past, Chen Defu’s eyes filled with tears. He very much hoped to help the sect leader, but he didn’t know what to do. Just as he was thinking of going to help him up, voices of sect members came from the distance shouting: “Senior Brother Sect Leader! Senior Brother Sect Leader! Where are you? The State Uncle is looking for you!”

The calling voices outside the bamboo grove gradually approached and would soon discover the sect leader’s suffering state. Su Ying knelt on the ground hanging his head like a defeated rooster. He then used his sword as a crutch and took several breaths before barely managing to stand up.

Two children around twelve or thirteen stopped outside the bamboo grove – they were Lü Yingchang’s two younger sons, Deyi and Delian. They called together: “Senior Brother Sect Leader, the State Uncle is waiting for you at the Patriarch Hall. Please come early.”

Su Ying said faintly: “Coming right away.” Looking at Su Ying, he had formidable composure after all. Calming his mind slightly, he had already hidden his troubles. He straightened his clothes and wiped the patterns on the ground with his foot, as if afraid others would discover his secret, then felt at ease to leave.

After the sect leader left, the bamboo grove became quiet again. Chen Defu hid in the tree, recalling the sect leader’s earlier appearance of falling to the ground in tears, and couldn’t help secretly praying: “Uncle Master Mengxiang, you… you don’t curse our sect leader… don’t make him follow your path…” After the three people walked far away, he also jumped down from the tree. Seeing that piece of paper still thrown on the ground, thinking it was thrown from the sect leader’s hand, it must be something important, so he picked it up to return later.

The piece of paper in his hand was very strange. On the small paper surface, ink flowed horizontally and vertically with great boldness. Looking at the ink – one horizontal stroke, one flowing stroke, one rising stroke – it was like flowing water, but he didn’t know what it was.

Chen Defu stared blankly and said in confusion: “What the hell is this?” He saw the brushstrokes were strange, like turbulent muddy water rushing toward a ten-thousand-zhang abyss. It looked somewhat frightening, so he turned it around to look. This time the brushstrokes changed and looked exactly like a woman’s rainbow skirt and cloud garments, seeming to sway in the wind.

Looking at this piece of paper with its thousand changes, it was truly “horizontally viewed as ridges, sideways as peaks, different from far and near, high and low.” Chen Defu made a sound of understanding and quickly turned the paper to another orientation. This time he actually saw a broom, quite similar to the iron broom in his own hand. He laughed delightedly: “Fun, fun!” Full of joy, he picked up his broom and wildly swung and struck, practicing Cat-Dog Divine Arts.

After jumping two steps, he suddenly lost his footing and fell face-first. Chen Defu was shocked and thought: “It’s over! I’ve done something foolish again!” Huashan sect had rules – the Three Successors sword manual must not be secretly viewed, otherwise great disaster would surely follow. Indeed, a month ago he had broken the rules and secretly looked at the “Three Successors Sword Manual,” and since then had bad luck daily.

First, on New Year’s Eve afternoon when he went to buy the new edition book “Emperor Hailing’s Death from Debauchery,” he unexpectedly encountered several uncle masters on the street. Not only was the book confiscated, but he also got slapped in public. After that, he lost every bet, lost all his New Year money, and finally fell to becoming little Persimmon’s companion, falling into an irredeemable situation.

Remembering Uncle Master Mengxiang’s story, his whole body trembled as he thought: “Blessings never come in pairs, disasters always travel together. I must be extremely careful.” Knowing the piece of paper in his hand was cursed, he quickly put it in his bosom and didn’t dare look at it again. Just as he was about to flee the bamboo grove, his foot suddenly stepped on something high. Looking down, it was a rope.

Chen Defu made a sound of understanding, not knowing where this thing came from. He looked along the rope and saw it was extremely strange – one end was under his foot while the other end was hidden in the flower garden. Chen Defu murmured: “So strange.” He lifted his foot and was about to pull the rope when suddenly the rope slowly moved and wriggled toward the depths of the flower garden.

The strange rope looked like a cunning spirit snake, elusive and unpredictable. Chen Defu said in confusion: “What is this thing?” He stood there for a while, then bent down and grabbed the rope. But as soon as he pulled it, he heard strange sounds from deep in the flower garden.

“Roar roar! Roar roar!” Strange cries came directly from the depths of the flower garden, frightening Chen Defu into gasping “Ah!” He quickly threw the rope away. At this moment, the rope “whooshed” and flew like a snake, drilling into the flower garden and disappearing without a trace.

Chen Defu trembled and thought: “I’m done for. This is the patriarch’s spirit manifesting to punish me.” Recently harmed by the Three Successors sword manual, strange events kept happening. What was before him was definitely some evil omen. The more Chen Defu thought about it, the more afraid he became. He immediately picked up his broom and turned to run.

At this moment, another black shadow darted past his feet. Chen Defu screamed in terror and fell to the ground. Just as he was about to crawl away, his ankle suddenly tightened as if something was pulling him, forcing him to cry out in panic: “Spare my life! Master, spare my life!”

The martial arts world was full of masters and assassins. Chen Defu had already witnessed this at the Imperial Medical Academy. That tall black-clothed man who flew into the sky and kicked through a plaque still had his terrifying presence rippling in his heart. With his low martial arts, thinking of the black-clothed evil ghost’s terrifying appearance, Chen Defu naturally covered his face and screamed: “Senior brothers! Masters! Uncle masters! Uncle masters! Come save me quickly!”

After shouting several times, no one came to save him, but no one harmed him either. Chen Defu’s soul finally settled down. He slowly opened his hands and looked down at his feet, seeing that rope again.

A rope was wrapped around his ankle, looking like the Immortal-Binding Rope from storytellers’ mouths or the Dragon-Binding Cable from Jiang Ziya’s hands. It had tripped him up.

“Strange…” Chen Defu stared with wide eyes and murmured: “Who exactly is messing with me?” Chen Defu looked confused. He sat there blankly and suddenly remembered One-Legged Immortal’s words, couldn’t help being overjoyed: “I know! I know who’s entangling me!”

There were indeed many masters in the world who carried ropes and cables. Besides the terrifying ox-head and horse-face, there was also a kind and amiable old gentleman. With a mysterious face, whenever he met single men and resentful women, he would throw out a red rope – one end tied to thick legs, one end circling small feet, pairing two people into one couple. Needless to say, the owner of this rope was…

“Old Man Under the Moon! Old Man Under the Moon!” Chen Defu said joyfully: “I’ve waited for you my whole life! Finally it’s my turn!”

The Old Man Under the Moon had personally arrived, repeatedly giving him hints – there must be something good. Chen Defu quickly untied the rope from his foot. Knowing the other end must be tied to a beautiful woman’s foot, without another word he grabbed the rope with both hands and pulled with all his might, shouting: “Dear sister!” With a piercing cry, Chen Defu fell backward with a thud. But hearing a wail, a black shadow flew into the sky and landed on Chen Defu’s head.

“Woo-roar… woof woof! Woof woof!”

The newcomer had fierce eyes and stood on four legs – it was a small black-haired dog. Chen Defu’s soul flew to the heavens and he quickly threw the wild dog away. But that vicious dog charged over again, only chasing and biting him endlessly.

Under the moon there was no old man, but a black dog appeared. Looking at the broken rope around its neck, he didn’t know whose vicious dog it was. Chen Defu held his broom and fought the black dog. The dog’s attack was also fierce – it only bit the broom bristles and battled endlessly with Chen Defu.

One man and one dog pulled and tugged. Chen Defu shouted: “What kind of divine being are you? Why do you keep pestering me!” The black dog barked and released the broom bristles, then raised its hind leg and scratched an itch.

Having extremely bad luck recently, even wild dogs wouldn’t spare him. Chen Defu saw there was no beautiful woman but a mad dog had come. His mood immediately soured and he was about to turn and leave. But the little black dog ran over and bit hard onto his trouser leg. Chen Defu cried out “Ah ya” in misery, shouting: “Go away! You go away!”

Just as he was about to kick the black dog away, he suddenly awakened: “Wait – Hongluo Temple doesn’t allow keeping dogs. Where did this black dog come from?”

Hongluo Temple emphasized tranquility and never allowed raising livestock. Yet this dog could swagger around the temple. Looking at the broken rope around its neck, it must be someone’s pet without doubt. Chen Defu looked left and right, wanting to find the dog’s owner.

The bamboo grove was quiet all around with no human voices. He stood up and gazed into the distance, seeing outside the bamboo grove a stream flowing gently. Following the stream to look at its source, there was a quiet jade pool. Moonlight scattered on the water surface, bringing out flashing scales of light. Cold wind blew, the pool water rippled, and he could dimly see two precious pagodas.

The moon was round as a painting. In the distance, two pagodas stood majestically in the sky, elegant and tranquil. This must be the “Red Spiral Pagodas.” Chen Defu stared blankly and thought: “Red Spiral Celestial Maidens… Legend says the Jade Emperor has two daughters, beautiful and elegant, who descended to the mortal world and lived in these Red Spiral Pagodas. They’re called the ‘Red Spiral Celestial Maidens.'”

Chen Defu’s heart began pounding. He looked at the little black dog and quickly clasped his hands together, asking: “Divine dog above, if you are raised by some celestial maiden, could you wag your tail three times to let this humble one know?”

Under the bright moon, the divine dog under the moon stuck out its tongue and wagged its tail. In an instant, it wagged who knows how many hundreds of times. After a moment, it even chased its own tail, turning into a round ball. Chen Defu had no more doubts in his heart – this dog must be raised by the two Red Spiral Celestial Maidens. No wonder it was so spiritually strange.

The Jade Emperor had a nephew who was Erlang Shen Yang Jian of Guanjiang Mouth. This Erlang Shen not only had great magical powers but also raised a formidable dog called “Howling Sky Dog.” If the Jade Emperor’s nephew liked raising dogs, his daughters would naturally be the same. The more Chen Defu thought about it, the more delighted he became. He carefully examined the black dog, seeing its fur was black and shiny, it growled fiercely, its eyes showed divine light, and it was quite spirited – truly having the bearing of a divine dog.

Chen Defu felt secretly joyful: “I’ve got it. The Red Spiral Celestial Maidens have lost their little dog. At this moment they must be anxiously worried. If I bring it back for them to claim, that would be a great merit!”

The Red Spiral Celestial Maidens were no ordinary immortals but the Jade Emperor’s daughters. Such golden branches and jade leaves might even have the Old Man Under the Moon under their management.

In a while, when he brought the black dog back, he could have whatever he wanted. Chen Defu’s heart pounded. He looked at the divine dog and cupped his hands: “Brother Divine Dog, since you’re lost, I’ll accompany you to find the celestial maidens.” Hearing the question, the little black dog raised its hind leg and repeatedly scratched its head like rapid-fire cannons, seeming unspeakably happy.

Chen Defu was even more delighted and quickly picked up the rope to follow the little black dog.

Under the bright moon, one man and one dog wandered east and west around Hongluo Temple. After passing flower gardens, the little black dog suddenly stopped and sniffed around under trees, seeming to have some connection to this place. Chen Defu gasped: “There’s the scent of celestial maidens here, and the little black dog has detected it.” Just as he was thinking of getting down to smell, he suddenly heard footsteps from the woods. Chen Defu gasped: “They’re coming, they’re coming! The celestial maidens are coming!”

His heart pounding, Chen Defu felt both anticipation and joy. He first arranged his cap, then straightened his collar, then bowed and waited beside them. Though the world was full of beautiful women in all shapes and sizes, whenever they met Chen Defu, even if they encountered each other, they shouldn’t recognize each other – besides ending up with dusty faces, there was nothing else. If he wanted to seek marriage in this life, he definitely needed immortals to cast spells.

“A thousand li marriage tied by a single thread, clever wives long accompany clumsy husbands in sleep.” Thinking of immortal sisters doting on him, maybe they would give him a fragrant kiss. His heart felt shy and he couldn’t help closing his eyes to wait. Then he heard someone angrily roar: “Beast!” Hearing these extremely familiar two words, Chen Defu was startled and quickly opened his eyes: “Immortal sister, how do you know my nickname?”

Looking up, there was no immortal sister before him, but three monks had come – one black-faced, one white-faced, and another with a wax-yellow complexion. Though the three looked different, they all held staffs and clubs, glaring with raised eyebrows as they examined him.

Chen Defu was shocked: “Who are you? You’re not immortal sisters!” As soon as the word “sisters” came out, Chen Defu felt pain in his chest. The monk before him extended his thick index finger and poked hard at him, saying coldly: “Stinking brat, we are executive monks of Hongluo Temple. Whose wild dog is this?”

Chen Defu hurried to say: “This isn’t a wild dog – it’s a celestial dog raised by celestial maidens.”

The three monks looked at each other, somewhat unable to understand. The black-faced monk held his temper and said: “Very well, let it be a celestial dog. But this pile of celestial shit…” He glanced at the ground and said coldly: “Whose is this?”

Chen Defu looked down and was shocked to see two wet piles of dog excrement under the flower tree, looking freshly made. Looking at the divine dog under the moon still lifting its leg and kicking dirt, it was probably trying to cover up the evidence.

“Bold!” The temple monks glared and roared. The little black dog was startled and quickly ran back to Chen Defu’s feet, baring its teeth and snarling in a stance of swearing to protect its master to the death. Seeing the dog’s loyalty to its master, the monks immediately became furious: “Stinking brat! You actually brought a dog into the temple! Everyone, beat him!”

The monks raised their staffs and clubs to teach the man and dog a lesson when suddenly one monk said: “Wait. Are you from Huashan Sect?”

The white-faced monk appeared refined but his eyes were quite sharp – he recognized Chen Defu’s background at a glance. Chen Defu was overjoyed: “Yes! I’m Chen Defu. Do you know me?” The white-faced monk shook his head: “Not really. I just heard that Huashan sect members are frugal and have raised several unpaid laborers. Seeing your broom reminded me of this matter.”

Chen Defu felt sad and angry but didn’t dare point and curse. The white-faced monk continued faintly: “This benefactor, it’s not that we don’t give Sect Leader Su face. Right now His Majesty is in this temple worshipping Buddha and will come to the gardens to view lanterns at any time. If his dragon steps accidentally step on dog excrement and end up covered in yellow mud, not to mention how sinful you would be, just looking at our temple’s dignity – I’m afraid you’d completely ruin it…”

Chen Defu wasn’t someone who acted tough. Seeing the three monks’ unfriendly expressions, he could only find a large tree leaf to wrap up the dog excrement. Just as he was about to throw it away casually, he heard all three monks snort through their noses: “Eh? Where do you want to throw it?”

Chen Defu smiled bitterly as he held the dog excrement in his hands, looking around for a place to dispose of it. He looked east and west, seeing exotic flowers and rare plants everywhere. Who knew whether the emperor might come to admire them? In his distress, he suddenly saw the deep pool water before him and was overjoyed. No matter how high the old emperor’s spirits, he surely wouldn’t go into the water to play. So he threw the dog excrement with all his might. With a splash, the excrement fell into the pool, gradually dissolving into spring mud and disappearing. Chen Defu laughed heartily: “Master monks, look! I found a place…”

Turning around, he saw the three monks’ faces had turned ashen, their chests heaving, six eyes staring at the pool water, wider than fish eyes. Chen Defu was completely puzzled when he saw an old eunuch walking through the garden. The eunuch smiled as he carried a water jug, squatted by the pool, scooped water with one hand, and couldn’t help stealing a drink of the sweet spring water, praising: “What delicious Pearl Jade Spring! Fragrant in color, beautiful and sweet – I’ll use this to make tea for His Majesty later.”

The Pearl Jade Spring lived up to its reputation. Chen Defu gasped, finally understanding why the court held Buddhist ceremonies here every year. He turned around dumbly, seeing the white-faced monk’s face had turned black, the black-faced monk’s face had turned yellow, and the yellow-faced monk had become like a pale ghost. Four pairs of eyes met, and suddenly there was a great roar: “Catch him!” “Help!” Chen Defu led the little black dog splashing through the water in escape, crying loudly: “It’s not my fault!”

With pursuers shouting behind him, Chen Defu fled in panic with the black dog, passing through several gardens. Suddenly he saw two old eunuchs ahead carrying large wooden buckets. The little black dog caught a scent and immediately jumped and barked joyfully, leaping down from Chen Defu and running toward the two old eunuchs. Chen Defu was surprised: “What’s wrong? Is there food?”

With a great splash and crash, all the monks cried out in alarm and quickly retreated. Chen Defu wailed: “So dirty!” The buckets reeked terribly – they were two chamber pots. The two eunuchs, startled by the black dog, had spilled everything out. They say dogs can’t change their habit of eating excrement. The little black dog became a little yellow dog and was quite content, but poor Chen Defu was so dirty he went limp all over. Not knowing where to wipe his hands, in desperation he ran toward the Pearl Jade Spring. The monks were greatly alarmed: “Little brother! Let’s talk this over! Let’s talk this over!”

The Zhengtong Dynasty had ten years without rain. The sweet dew used for the annual rain prayer ceremonies was the holy water from this Pearl Jade Spring. During each ceremony, when high monks mounted the altar to preach and the emperor sacrificed to heaven, he would personally take precious spring water and throw it ladle by ladle toward the sky, making it fall like heavenly sweet dew while ministers looked up and laughed joyfully, welcoming it happily. The monks were so frightened they trembled all over and shouted: “Don’t go over there! Let’s talk this over!” Chen Defu cried: “Then you guarantee you won’t hit me.”

The three monks said in unison: “Don’t worry, we absolutely won’t hurt you. Come over quickly.” Chen Defu sobbed and was about to approach as told when suddenly the yellow-faced monk quietly reached out to grab his back. Chen Defu cried out in great sorrow: “Bad people! You’re deceiving me!” He hugged the little dog tightly and plunged into the Pearl Jade Spring, planning to drown himself.

With a thunderous crash, monks who had been drawing water with buckets nearby suddenly saw water splashing halfway to the sky and wondered: “What fell into the water?” All the monks looked puzzled, staring at the pool water, then became greatly astonished: “Eh? The water has turned yellow!”

The Zhengtong Dynasty prayed for rain every year, hoping for the Dragon King to manifest and bring rain. Seeing the sudden change in water color, the monks marveled and constantly tried drinking the spring water. While frowning in confusion, they suddenly saw one man and one dog crawling wet onto shore, with eunuchs and monks behind them carrying sticks in pursuit, shouting sternly: “Catch that boy! Everyone kill him!”

Chen Defu used his Cat-Dog Divine Steps to flee desperately for his life. Amid the splashing and crashing of people pushing and shoving, some eunuchs fell into the water while others tumbled to the ground. A giant jade rabbit lantern placed in the garden was knocked over with a thud and immediately caught fire.

With the garden on fire, monks all around cried out in panic and came to help, which also slowed the pursuers. Chen Defu cried as he ran. In his misery, he suddenly remembered Master Lü’s instructions and wailed: “Wedding invitations! My wedding invitations!” Sobbing and wailing, he held the little dog with his left hand, dragged his broom with his right, and hurried to fetch the wedding invitations.

Arriving at the tea hall, Chen Defu learned from his previous experience and only hid at the door to peek, not daring to enter rashly. He saw a group of little eunuchs standing inside, each holding a whisk, guarding by a table and smiling as they watched an old eunuch bent over the desk writing. This “Cloud Gathering Tea Hall” was apparently the monastery’s reception area for foreign guests, but with the emperor visiting Hongluo Temple, it had become the eunuchs’ temporary quarters.

“Eunuch Xiao!” The little eunuchs praised in unison: “You truly deserve to be the palace’s number one master calligrapher. Look how neat this writing is – no wonder the State Uncle requested you to write these.” Chen Defu listened quietly and saw a high stack of red invitations on the table – these must be what Master Lü had instructed him to get. He immediately rushed in laughing: “Wedding invitations!”

The eunuchs had originally been all smiles, but suddenly detected a stench approaching, followed by a yellow, filthy youth rushing in to grab at the wedding invitations. Everyone was greatly shocked: “Heavens! Stop him quickly!”

Everyone held their noses with their left hands and poked wildly with bamboo poles in their right hands. Chen Defu roared repeatedly and swung his broom, releasing such a stench that it truly surpassed all hidden weapons in the world. The eunuchs quickly retreated. Chen Defu swept his arms around and gathered the wedding invitations into his bosom, then turned and fled.

“Got them! Got them!” Chen Defu was overjoyed. Tonight he had fought a decisive battle at Hongluo Temple – first defeating monks, then repelling palace masters. Having never been so impressive in his life, he laughed heartily as he ran. The little black dog was also quite pleased with itself, jumping and chasing joyfully behind him.

In his joy, he turned over the wedding invitations, suddenly seeing the cards were yellow and dirty, stained with excrement. He quickly tried to wipe them clean, but this wiping only made it worse – they became completely yellow. Chen Defu was completely puzzled and kept turning through the invitations – every one was dirty. The more he felt strange, the more he suddenly saw his own hands covered in filth. Grief immediately welled up and he cried loudly: “Help! It’s all ruined!”

This was terrible! The wedding invitations in his hands weren’t ordinary things but the wedding invitations of the sect leader and Pavilion Master Qiong. Now they had become muddy yellow gold. When Master Lü saw them, he would definitely beat him to death. Chen Defu hugged the little black dog and cried while scolding: “It’s all your fault, always defecating everywhere! Wuwu… wuwu… my life is so bitter!”

Before he had cried for long, he suddenly heard roaring and cursing from behind. Looking back, he saw not only bald monks but also a group of beardless eunuchs – dozens of people baring their teeth and searching for him everywhere. Chen Defu let go of the little dog and screamed: “Quickly! Quickly take me to find the celestial maidens!”

The situation was very bad – only by asking the celestial maidens to come forward quickly could he save his life. Once released, the little black dog immediately led the way forward. One man and one dog fled with all their might, turning left and right, until a pavilion appeared ahead surrounded by exotic flowers and plants. Chen Defu saw the flower bushes were extremely tall, enough to hide in, so he quickly hugged the little dog and hid in the grass.

As soon as he hid, voices behind him became noisy – the pursuers had arrived. The monks didn’t hesitate to poke randomly at the flower bushes with sticks, shouting: “Stinking brat! Don’t think you can still escape! Come out quickly!” Chen Defu secretly groaned. This flower bush was the most conspicuous and couldn’t fool anyone, but crawling out would be a dead end – what should he do?

Just as he was in panic, the eunuchs hurried to say: “Keep your voices down, don’t attract Eunuch Fu, or we’ll all be in trouble.” It seemed there was some important person in the pavilion. The eunuchs arriving here only looked around briefly and didn’t dare make noise. But the monks didn’t care and snorted: “That’s your business. What Eunuch Fu – whoever he is…”

Before they finished speaking, a cold laugh came from behind: “What a fine ‘whoever he is’! You few bald donkeys – who are you?” “We pay respects to Eunuch Fu.” Someone had come to save him! Chen Defu quickly peeked out from the flower bushes and saw a little eunuch had arrived in the garden. This person was about fifteen or sixteen years old, extremely ordinary in appearance, but when the eunuchs saw him arrive, they knelt down in panic – they seemed extremely afraid of this person.

Chen Defu was delighted: “Excellent! This one is also from the Fu generation – he must be a good person.”

Though Eunuch Fu was young, his temper wasn’t small. He swaggered over to the group and snorted heavily: “You few from the Eastern Depot are also quite arrogant. Without my orders, you dare to swagger around here? Did Director Fang tell you to come cause trouble?” Chen Defu didn’t know who Director Fang was, but he was obviously not someone to mess with. He carefully hid and peeked at the eunuchs, seeing their faces looked ugly as they all replied: “No, no! Reporting to Eunuch Fu, we came chasing a wild child, absolutely not intending to oppose you…” Before they finished speaking, Eunuch Fu was already cursing: “What? Who’s a wild child? You guys curse ‘bald donkeys’ in front of monks! What do you mean?”

Eunuch Fu was about fifteen or sixteen – by age he was also a child and naturally didn’t like others mentioning “wild child.” But when the words “bald donkeys” were spoken, what would the Hongluo Temple monks think? Indeed, the monks smiled dryly and had already slipped away, leaving only a group of eunuchs in the field. Eunuch Fu scolded: “Still standing here doing what? All get lost!”

The eunuchs hung their heads dejectedly, bowing repeatedly, and could only tiptoe away. Eunuch Fu put his hands on his hips and pointed at heaven while cursing earth, quite imposing. Just then, two old eunuchs walked over – these two were carrying chamber pots, and they were indeed the same two eunuchs who had collided with Chen Defu earlier. Seeing palace elders coming, Eunuch Fu’s eyes immediately lit up and he shouted: “Wait! Are the chamber pots clean?”

The two eunuchs stopped and smiled apologetically: “Clean, clean!” Eunuch Fu opened the wooden bucket and sniffed hard, then angrily said: “Nonsense! Why is there still a smell of excrement!” The two eunuchs were surprised: “There’s a smell of excrement?” They brought their noses close and sniffed carefully, then said happily: “No, it smells quite fragrant.”

The area reeked terribly. Eunuch Fu raised his nose to the sky and sniffed around, then immediately shouted: “Nonsense! It stinks!” Chen Defu hid in the grass thinking: “It’s not the chamber pot that stinks – it’s me that stinks.”

Seeing the two old eunuchs laughing nervously, Eunuch Fu became unreasonable and angrily said: “Very well, since you two say it’s clean, then come lick it once!” The old eunuch was shocked: “This… this… Eunuch Fu! You’re being too harsh!”

Eunuch Fu scolded: “Nonsense! You people under Director Fang just like to contradict me! Watch clearly – I’ll make you convinced!” Speaking thus, he extended his index finger and touched the chamber pot, then put his middle finger in his mouth and licked it to taste, saying “Hmm” and commenting: “Quite salty.” Chen Defu hiding behind in the flower bushes saw his sleight of hand clearly. The two old eunuchs didn’t know the trick and looked stupid. Eunuch Fu scolded: “Understand? Don’t say I’m young – when it comes to loyalty to the master, how could you compare to even one ten-thousandth of mine?” Speaking thus, he kicked the chamber pot and shouted: “Wash it again! Until you two dare to lick it!”

The two old eunuchs submissively showed great fear and left carrying the chamber pot. After they walked far away, Eunuch Fu immediately sneered and cursed: “What things! Wanting to compete with me for favor in the rear palace – they should get a few more cuts first.” He laughed heartily, then looked up and sniffed, muttering to himself: “Strange, where exactly is it stinking? Why is there still that smell…”

Just as he was puzzled, he suddenly felt someone pat his shoulder. Looking back, he was shocked to see a yellow, filthy youth standing before him. Eunuch Fu was about to scream when his head was suddenly struck by an iron broom and he was knocked to the ground, then had his clothes stripped off and thrown into the grass.

Finally having changed into clean clothes, thinking no one would recognize him, Chen Defu breathed a sigh of relief. Just as he was trying to figure out how to meet up with Master Lü, he suddenly saw a large group of palace maids approaching, curtsying: “Reporting to Eunuch Fu, the master requests you to come in.” Chen Defu was afraid of being discovered and quickly covered his face with both hands, mumbling randomly: “Mm, ah, coming, coming…”

Strangely, though Chen Defu wore a eunuch’s clothing, he was carrying large and small packages and also had a dog with him. But when the palace maids saw these abnormalities, not only did they not dare to speak, but each one kept her face toward the ground, not daring to look at Chen Defu even once. They seemed extremely afraid of that Eunuch Fu. Seeing the palace maids turn and walk slowly away, Chen Defu was about to flee in the opposite direction when he suddenly saw the little black dog sniff on the ground, wag its tail, and actually follow the palace maids. Chen Defu was first shocked, then slightly stunned, thinking: “Wait, has it found the celestial maidens?”

At this point, returning with excrement-stained invitations would also be a dead end, so he might as well try his luck. He picked up his broom with his left hand, took his bundle with his right, and followed the black dog.

Going up to the small building, faint zither music could be heard in the distance, making the surroundings extremely quiet. The palace maids stopped and said in unison: “Eunuch, please go upstairs.” Chen Defu looked toward the corridor ahead and saw Han dynasty palace lamps placed on the ground – cast in bronze, shaped like servant girls kneeling and holding lamp dishes, extremely imposing. Chen Defu didn’t quite dare enter, but looking at the little black dog scratching and sniffing on the ground, searching for familiar scents, maybe it really had found home.

Chen Defu was now like a chess piece that had crossed the river – he could only advance, not retreat. Considering that he had first polluted the Pearl Jade Spring, then robbed wedding invitations, and finally knocked out a eunuch, if this matter came to light, ten heads wouldn’t be enough to compensate. He couldn’t do without celestial maidens to save him, so he gathered his courage and walked toward the depths of the pavilion.

Passing through a long corridor, he came to a small room where he heard the sound of rushing water. The front was filled with thick mist, and though there was weak lamplight, he couldn’t see anything. Chen Defu was afraid and wanted to retreat, but at this moment he heard a soft voice calling: “Little Fu, come here.” Chen Defu’s nickname was indeed “Little Fu.” Usually called this by the elders, hearing the celestial maiden’s tender call, his heart suddenly felt peaceful, and he slowly walked into the room.

Entering the room, he felt the mist ahead was even thicker. There were more than ten palace lamps on the ground, and there was a pool in the room with hot water creating rising steam. He could vaguely see a naked woman lying in the pool. The celestial maiden was bold in style, completely naked and meeting people without any covering. Chen Defu dropped all the wedding invitations in his hands to the ground and shouted wildly: “Oh my God!”

“Little Fu.” The celestial maiden lay in the hot water, revealing snow-white fragrant shoulders, and asked softly: “What’s wrong? Why are you crying out?” Chen Defu’s face was red and his ears were hot. He had not only never seen a woman bathing but had never even talked and laughed with women. Whether it was Qiong Fang or Juan’er, whenever they saw him they would turn and hurry away. At this moment, hearing the celestial maiden’s soft words and charming laughter, his throat actually went dry and he was so frightened he went stupid, holding back tears: “Immortal sister, I… I’ve never seen a woman bathing… I’ll be scared…”

The celestial maiden covered her mouth and laughed charmingly: “Little Fu, you’re getting more and more naughty. Where did you learn to be so glib?” In the dim haze, Chen Defu’s throat was dry and he only wanted to peek at her body, but he was also afraid thunder would strike from the sky and turn him into mud, so he could only lower his head bitterly and endure it. Just then, chewing sounds came from the room – the little black dog had actually climbed onto the table and was secretly eating pastries.

The celestial maiden was surprised: “Did you bring this little dog back earlier?” Chen Defu hurried to say: “Yes, yes! I knew the immortal sister had lost a little dog, so I brought it to claim a reward.” The celestial maiden laughed again with giggles: “Little Fu, if you want to raise a dog just say so. Look how you push everything onto me…” While speaking, the pool water splashed as the celestial maiden said softly: “Come hold the lamp – I’m getting up to change clothes.”

Hearing the words “hold the lamp,” Chen Defu’s heart beat violently. This unlucky person had spent his whole life only seeing masterworks like Jin Ping Mei and Yu Pu Tuan, but as for real women’s jade snow delicate bodies, he had only seen them in dreams where they had three heads and six arms with all kinds of wonders. If he held up the lamp in a moment, what would the situation be? He wanted to escape but was also reluctant to leave. Finally, his limbs went soft and he tremblingly picked up the oil lamp, quietly approaching the pool’s edge, saying shyly: “Immortal sister… the lamp… the lamp is here.”

In the hot bath with steaming powder under the lamplight’s reflection, he saw the celestial maiden in the bath had long hair over her shoulders and skin whiter than snow. She looked back with a pair of almond eyes that were large and round, with beautiful long eyelashes. He could vaguely see her nose bridge was straight and much higher than ordinary women.

This celestial maiden was not only extremely beautiful but also looked exactly like someone. Chen Defu could no longer contain himself and said in a trembling voice: “Pavil… Pavilion Master Qiong!” When the three words “Pavilion Master Qiong” came out, the celestial maiden immediately turned to look. He saw her open her distinct black and white large eyes wide, her round cherry mouth slightly open, seeming very surprised. But those facial features were exactly the same as Qiong Fang’s! The two stared at each other, and suddenly with a splash, the celestial maiden fell back into the pool, covering her snow-white breasts and crying out: “Someone! Someone!”

The celestial maiden suddenly cried out in alarm. Footsteps came rushing from outside with palace maids responding: “Empress! What’s wrong? What’s wrong?”

Empress? Hearing these four words was like a bolt of lightning striking from the sky, directly thundering into his brain, making Chen Defu sway and nearly bite his tongue in suicide.

What kind of heavenly luck had he encountered tonight? First he had flavored the emperor’s tea water, and now he had even peeked at the empress’s jade body. Monstrous crimes piled up one after another. When the time came for putrid punishment, castration, and foot amputation all applied simultaneously, whether he could even die properly was uncertain.

In his heart full of sorrow, he heard the palace maids’ panicked screams, followed by rushing footsteps as four or five personal servant girls hurried into the room. Just then, he heard thumping footsteps from the garden below the building as large groups of guards approached the pavilion. Cold blades reflected moonlight – the Jinwu Yulin and Hulin Palace Army, four great guards accompanying the imperial tour. At Hongluo Mountain tonight there were at least several thousand elite troops present.

The empress was completely naked, and Broom Little Fu had seen everything. Chen Defu covered his face with both hands and finally began to cry: “I’m dead! Master Bufan! Senior Brother Ying! Uncle Master Yufeng! Save Chen Defu! Wahhh! Mama!”

When the three words “Master Bufan” came out, the empress’s cries of alarm stopped. Just then, the palace maids also rushed into the room, all panicked and uncertain: “Empress, what’s wrong?” Chen Defu closed his eyes tightly and crossed his hands over his own throat, about to strangle himself, when he heard the empress smile and say: “Nothing, I just slipped.”

Chen Defu was shocked that he actually wasn’t dragged out to be castrated – this was really strange. Afraid the palace maids would detect he was an impostor, he kept his hands covering his face and didn’t dare move slightly. That little black dog was a natural troublemaker and started barking wildly again. Seeing the black dog covered in stinking excrement running around everywhere, all the palace maids screamed: “Ah! Where did this wild dog come from?” “This isn’t a wild dog…” The empress looked back with a smile: “It’s a celestial dog that Little Fu found.”

At this moment, the empress must have detected the abnormality, but strangely she didn’t expose him. Hearing the wild dog become a celestial dog, Chen Defu had also ascended to heaven. He opened his mouth wide, dumb and stunned like a dead chicken. But he heard the empress laugh: “Little Fu, come help me comb my hair.” Chen Defu made a sound of understanding and quickly opened his eyes, seeing the empress had already put on a jade-white phoenix-embroidered inner garment, with a head of wet long hair, looking back at him. She had a smile at the corner of her mouth that seemed to carry some mischievous intent.

Watching the empress being helped by palace maids to come before a bronze mirror, about to sit and arrange her makeup, Chen Defu still stood there dumbly. The palace maids all turned back and called: “Eunuch Fu, the empress is waiting for you.”

Thump thump, more guards came under the pavilion. Seeing the empress’s grand arrangements, with just one cough he would definitely be separated from his body. At this time Chen Defu knew nothing anymore. Don’t say helping to comb hair – even if she wanted him to wash feet, he would obediently comply. He came to the bronze mirror half-kneeling and half-crawling with tearful red eyes, saying tearfully: “The… comb?”

The palace maids gathered around, one holding a jade plate with jade combs, eyebrow pencils, phoenix crowns and ornaments – all women’s cosmetics. Chen Defu had spent his whole life only picking at his own stinking toes and had no idea about these women’s intimate things. But a person about to die becomes brave. Chen Defu threw caution to the wind. Seeing the empress’s cloud-like beautiful hair right before his eyes, he could only shakily reach out to touch that beautiful hair.

With oil lamps placed beside the bronze mirror, the entire room was suddenly brilliant. The empress’s black cloud-like long hair became even more dazzling, and the skin under her inner garment became even more enchanting. Chen Defu gently touched the empress’s beautiful hair, holding those weak water-like smooth strands in his hand – they were truly like floating clouds, easily slipping from his hand if he wasn’t careful. Chen Defu felt a stirring in his heart and suddenly giggled lecherously. Just then, the palace maids couldn’t help making sounds of understanding – they were probably suspicious. Chen Defu quickly restrained himself and hurriedly grasped the empress’s hair again, holding it tremblingly in his hand.

With the hair slightly in hand, this time the empress revealed her snow-white nape. That skin looked truly white and smooth with a hint of rosy flush, making one want to touch it. Chen Defu’s breathing gradually became heavy and his body gradually heated up. Afraid of being beheaded on the spot, he quickly thought of One-Legged Immortal’s poisonous feet. Indeed, his heart was greatly alarmed and he became calm as usual again.

“Little Fu.” The empress spoke again, saying softly: “Is my hair soft?” The empress not only had soft hair but also a very soft voice with some curled Beijing accent that was unspeakably sweet and pleasant. Chen Defu made whimpering sounds in his throat as an answer, and for a moment didn’t dare look around randomly, only turning his head away.

Turning his eyes left and right, he looked into the bronze mirror and saw the empress opening a pair of wise eyes, also looking at Broom Fu in the mirror. The two met through the mirror’s gaze. Only at this moment did Chen Defu finally see clearly that this empress was much older than Qiong Fang – old enough to be her mother. It was just that their appearances were extremely similar, so in the dim light he had inevitably mistaken one for the other.

Seeing Chen Defu’s clumsy hands and feet, the empress took the jade comb herself and gently arranged her hair, instructing the palace maids: “You few go down and fetch flower dew for me.” The palace maids didn’t suspect anything and left as told. The small room became quiet again.

In the silence, the empress combed her hair herself, then applied powder and drew her eyebrows. Chen Defu stood there stupidly from beginning to end, looking at the empress’s pair of powder lotus jade arms, feeling that tonight’s strange encounters were truly the greatest in the world. Seeing Chen Defu staring at her dumbly, the empress smiled slightly and suddenly said: “Child, bring me the phoenix crown.” Chen Defu listened dumbly, looking left and right, not knowing what a phoenix crown was. The empress smiled slightly and picked up an object from the jade plate, placing it in Chen Defu’s hands, saying softly: “Good child, can you put it on for me?”

What status did the empress have? Even if the State Uncle came in person, he would have to bow and pay respects upon seeing her. With her status as empress, she could command anyone imperiously, but at this time her tone carried some pleading – this was an inconceivable strange thing. But when Chen Defu suddenly heard these words, he actually didn’t feel surprised. Looking at the empress in the mirror, he vaguely felt this noble woman was very compatible with him. No matter what he said to her or did, she would forgive him…

Chen Defu murmured to himself and picked up the phoenix crown, carefully placing it on the empress for her.

The empress faced the bronze mirror, her pair of phoenix eyes turning over as she said softly: “Little Fu, am I beautiful?” Chen Defu nodded his head desperately as if it would fall off, saying loudly: “Beautiful! Couldn’t be more beautiful!” The empress smiled and turned her head: “Where did those invitations on the ground come from?”

Upon hearing about invitations, Chen Defu wanted to cry: “Those… those are wedding invitations, the wedding invitations of Pavilion Master Qiong and Sect… Sect Leader Su…” The empress smiled: “Those are Fang’er’s wedding invitations. Did you get them from Eunuch Xiao?” Chen Defu felt miserable and couldn’t help crying again: “Yes! Yes! I dropped them all in the cesspit! So stinky!”

Hearing this, the empress first froze, then covered her mouth and laughed charmingly: “You… you have such great courage! These are Fang’er’s wedding matters – aren’t you afraid of angering Young Hero Su to death?” The empress knew everything, even knowing Su Ying’s name. Chen Defu heard his head was about to be moved and covered his face crying painfully, about to roll on the ground, when he heard the empress laugh: “Don’t be afraid. I have another set of invitations here. I prepared them early.” Chen Defu was overjoyed: “Really?”

The empress nodded and took out a brand new bundle with flower dew sprinkled on top – truly like something from the celestial realm, fragrant and pleasant. Chen Defu was beside himself with joy and was about to kowtow in gratitude when he heard pig-like screams from downstairs: “Wahhh! Who took off my pants! Someone! Come quickly!” Eunuch Fu had awakened. The real owner had appeared and could come hunt him down at any time. Chen Defu seemed to wake from a great dream. Seeing the little black dog swaying around like a troublemaker, he quickly picked it up, hung the wedding invitation bundle on his chest, held his broom, and was about to escape through the window.

Coming to the window, with his front foot just out of the window frame, he heard the empress behind him say: “Defu, how are you?” Chen Defu was greatly shocked and quickly turned back, saying in a trembling voice: “You… you recognize me?” The empress faced the bronze mirror, examining the youth in the mirror, and said softly: “Yes… I know Little Fu is the youngest son of the Chen family from northern Fujian. I also know you are Ning Bufan’s little page boy, Su Ying’s little junior brother… You sweep all the grounds of Huashan Mountain, don’t you?” Chen Defu heard her recite these like a family treasure and was naturally horrified: “Yes… yes…” The empress turned her head to gaze at Chen Defu, saying softly: “Go back quickly. If you’re late, you’ll get scolded.”

Having spent his whole life playing the fool and acting the clown, no one in the world actually remembered him, yet he hadn’t expected the empress to actually recognize him.

The lamplight’s reflection showed the empress’s graceful silhouette. Chen Defu stared in a daze and for a moment was somewhat reluctant to leave, as if wanting to ask whether he could see the empress again in the future. Thinking about it, Chen Defu couldn’t help but smile wryly. The two were complete strangers with vastly different statuses. Having such a strange encounter in life was already extremely rare – how could he have such absurd thoughts? He thought no more and jumped straight down from the window to practice his Cat-Dog Divine Arts again.