After an unknown amount of time, the Emperor’s slightly weary voice came: “Regardless, Ashao, consider well what I’ve said today.” With that, he seemed about to leave. Jiang Ruan quickly hid with Manager Lin in a side room. Only after watching the Emperor depart did Manager Lin look at Jiang Ruan, hesitating before saying: “If Young Mistress wishes to know anything, you might as well ask the young master directly now. The young master won’t hide anything from you.”
Jiang Ruan nodded. After thinking, she gracefully entered the study. In the study, Xiao Shao sat at the desk, lost in thought. Seeing her, he wasn’t surprised and simply said: “You heard everything?”
Jiang Ruan nodded. Xiao Shao was skilled in martial arts, and his skills weren’t weak. Though the Emperor couldn’t hear her and Manager Lin’s breathing outside, Xiao Shao certainly could—he had probably deliberately let her hear. She sat beside Xiao Shao. The black collar with qilin patterns on his robe showed a deep golden luster, glinting coldly, making his expression appear especially stern.
“Aruan, I have things to tell you,” Xiao Shao said.
“Perfect,” Jiang Ruan smiled slightly. “I also have things to tell you.”
Xiao Shao was slightly stunned, looking at Jiang Ruan with some confusion. Jiang Ruan looked at the thick ledgers on the desk—neat and orderly, as if proclaiming how often their master reviewed them. Xiao Shao was meticulous and cautious; his not speaking about many things didn’t mean he didn’t know. The married couple each had their own secrets. Jiang Ruan had always wanted to confess, and now that Xiao Shao had broached the topic first, she felt it better to speak first herself.
“Do you remember, when we returned from Mount Jianan, I told you I had something to say to you?” Jiang Ruan smiled.
Xiao Shao said: “I remember.”
“What I want to tell you now is that very thing.” Jiang Ruan sighed, her gaze showing a trace of melancholy. “Actually, I don’t know how you’ll view me after hearing this—perhaps you’ll keep a respectful distance, or perhaps nothing will happen. But regardless, I will continue speaking. I believe we should be honest with each other.” Her tone was frank, and even with a hint of uncertain hesitation, she continued after a brief pause.
“You’ve probably had the Embroidered Uniform Guards investigate me—the grain relief incident at the General’s mansion, my elder brother’s ambush in the forest, Master Hui Jue’s matter. You must have many questions, sometimes even feeling I have prophetic abilities. You also certainly don’t understand why, despite my hatred for the Xia family due to Xia Yan’s harm to my mother, I’ve been blocking Xuan Li until now, including the entire Li Dong household incident.”
Xiao Shao stared at her intently. Indeed, these were all matters that had puzzled him. No matter how capable the Embroidered Uniform Guards were, they couldn’t uncover any clues, and the only possibility seemed too absurd.
“You must also be very surprised why the Thirteenth Prince and I seem to have a significant relationship, why Grand Tutor Liu seems to want to help me, and why I always know something about court movements. Xiao Shao, none of this is coincidence.” Jiang Ruan looked at him and suddenly smiled: “Because I already knew what would happen. I’ve personally experienced all these things—I’ve died once, Xiao Shao.”
“Aruan.” Xiao Shao suddenly spoke, frowning: “You don’t need to tell me.”
Even these few casually spoken sentences were shocking enough—every word was beyond what normal people could accept. Jiang Ruan herself hadn’t noticed that despite her efforts to hide it, when speaking of these matters, her eyes still revealed a strange madness.
“You don’t believe me?” Jiang Ruan asked in return.
“No, I believe you,” Xiao Shao said. “I just feel that if what you want to say causes you pain, you don’t have to say it. I don’t necessarily need to know. I don’t care what happened in the past, as long as you’re by my side now. You will always be my princess.”
His tone was calm, his expression cool and unperturbed, but his eyes flashed briefly with barely perceptible indulgence. The comfort in his words warmed the heart. Jiang Ruan looked at him and suddenly smiled: “But I’m willing to tell you. Some things have been bottled up in my heart for a long time. If you can share some of this burden with me, I’ll feel much lighter. At least it will make me feel that in this lifetime, I’m not alone.”
Xiao Shao was slightly stunned and didn’t speak for a moment. Jiang Ruan paused, then slowly began: “The me you see now shouldn’t have been this way originally. When I was five, my mother died, and Xia Yan became my stepmother. She treated me very kindly on the surface, and Jiang Susu was also very affectionate, but the servants constantly bullied me. I didn’t understand then—I only thought there were many troublesome servants in the mansion. Only later did I realize that without the master’s instructions, how would servants dare bully the legitimate daughter of the household? But regardless, I was eventually sent to the estate, and elder brother, privately misled by Xia Yan into thinking they wouldn’t mistreat me if he left, departed from home at a young age. We siblings were separated.”
“Later I lived on the estate. Life there was very harsh—everyone forgot I was actually the legitimate daughter of the Minister’s mansion. Often I lived worse than servants. Zhang Lan and her daughter took all my belongings and made me work like a slave. Their wastrel son even tried to assault me.” Jiang Ruan noticed Xiao Shao’s increasingly furrowed brow and smiled: “The Embroidered Uniform Guards probably told you about these things. You know.”
“That year I didn’t meet Censor Wang, nor did I gain vindication because of it. I stayed on the estate for eight years, during which I even learned of elder brother’s death in battle. I thought life would remain hopeless like that. The Minister’s mansion in the capital seemed to have forgotten me completely—I wrote many letters home but never received replies. I thought I would live out my days in such misery on the estate until death. Who knew that in the eighth year, people came from the capital to bring me back to the Minister’s mansion. I was very happy, thinking father had finally remembered me.”
She spoke incoherently. If it were ordinary people, they certainly wouldn’t understand what she was talking about. However, Xiao Shao just stared at her quietly, his gaze seeming to hold complex emotions, while his hands with protective guards clenched into fists, struggling to suppress his shock and maintain calm as he watched her.
“I was brought back to the Minister’s mansion. Right at the entrance, before all the onlooking common people, I was dressed in rags, completely lacking in proper manners, like a beggar accepting the warm greetings of Xia Yan and Jiang Susu. The more she appeared pure and virtuous like a fairy, the more dirty and unworthy I seemed. At that moment, I felt deep shame.” She spoke these words in a calm tone, but her nails dug deeper and deeper: “Not long after returning to the capital, it was the annual Lantern Festival. On the Linglong Boat, that time you didn’t come—all the noble sons of the capital were there. Jiang Susu asked me to dance, saying this way I wouldn’t disgrace the Minister’s mansion. She told me to just perform the ordinary entertainment dances from estate banquets. That day I fell from the Linglong Boat, was pulled up soaking wet, and became the laughingstock of the entire capital.”
Unconsciously, she dug her nails deeper and deeper until blood appeared, yet she remained unaware. There are many hurts in the world that don’t fade with time—when not remembered, they don’t hurt, but every time they’re recalled, every memory is painful and bitter. Just then, a slender, cool hand reached over, gently prying open her fingers that were digging deep into her palm. Fearing she might hurt herself again, he wrapped her small hand in his own slender palm.
Jiang Ruan looked at his actions somewhat dazedly, only understanding when she felt the warmth in her palm. She took a deep breath, her expression gradually calming: “Later, Jiang Susu and I attended various gatherings together as legitimate daughters of the Minister’s mansion. Xia Yan hired tutors for me, but never taught me reading, writing, or household management, only saying women needn’t learn such things, making me study only singing, dancing, and music. I knew nothing—when going out daily with Jiang Susu, outsiders would only praise her as talented in both beauty and arts, while calling me a vulgar, unrefined beauty without substance.”
“Later, even the title of beauty was gone. Somehow rumors spread through the capital, dredging up Chen Zhao’s bullying of me on the estate, saying that at such a young age I already didn’t know self-respect, understanding how to seduce men—truly lacking in virtue. I was approaching my coming-of-age ceremony, and my reputation was already completely ruined.”
Xiao Shao slowly embraced her shoulders, pulling half her body to lean against his chest. Only when he held her did he realize Jiang Ruan’s body was rigid as wood, her entire body tense as if extremely nervous. Xiao Shao patted her back with the gentle comfort one would give a child, helping her relax somewhat. Jiang Ruan continued: “When my reputation was so poor, only one person treated me consistently well—that was Xuan Li.”
Xiao Shao was stunned. Jiang Ruan’s tone carried a trace of desolation: “That day on the Linglong Boat when I embarrassed myself, he was also the one who came to comfort me regardless of everyone’s stares. I thought he was fundamentally kind and gentle in his bones. Later he often came to the Minister’s mansion to talk with Jiang Quan, and would bring me small gifts. He never called me a vulgar beauty like others did, nor would he look at me strangely. When Jiang Susu and I appeared together, he wouldn’t ignore me while only having eyes for Jiang Susu. At that time, I was truly happy.”
“The year I came of age, His Majesty wanted to summon a new batch of palace ladies. Even daughters of officials could enter the palace. But then the Jiang and Xia families were rising rapidly, already arousing the Emperor’s wariness. Nominally selecting beauties, it was more like placing hostages in the palace to warn the Minister’s mansion. Jiang Li and Jiang Dan were only illegitimate daughters and unimportant—the Emperor wouldn’t be satisfied. Jiang Quan held back Jiang Susu’s portrait and submitted mine instead.”
Xiao Shao stroked her hair. Even now, when she spoke of this matter, her tone carried deep self-mockery. Perhaps the one thing Jiang Ruan had never understood in both lives was why Jiang Quan treated her so. As birth father and daughter, no matter how cold, it shouldn’t reach such extremes—treating a stranger would be better than treating her. Even tigers don’t eat their cubs, yet Jiang Quan and she seemed to have formed deep enmity in a previous life, requiring repayment through the father-daughter relationship in this one.
“I didn’t want to enter the palace—I didn’t want to live with a man I’d never met, much less engage in palace scheming with a crowd of women in the deep palace. But Jiang Quan said if I didn’t go, the entire Minister’s mansion would pay for my willfulness. Xuan Li also persuaded me then, saying he could always protect me in the palace, and someday he would make me his legitimate wife.”
Xiao Shao calmly raised an eyebrow, probably thinking Xuan Li’s words were rather too arrogant. Xuan Li’s current wife certainly wasn’t Jiang Ruan—competition between men was never about big talk but real ability.
“I didn’t understand human nature and believed him. I voluntarily entered the palace as a consort in place of Jiang Susu.” Jiang Ruan paused, as if hearing again the faces of those in the Minister’s mansion before entering the palace—some kind, some grateful, each making her sick. If she had known she was going to die for such a pack of human wolves, even in death she would have dragged the entire Minister’s mansion down on charges of deceiving the emperor.
“My days in the palace were the darkest of my life. Mocked by noble consorts, bullied by palace maids—everyone knew I wasn’t favored. Sometimes I was even treated as a dancing girl for His Majesty’s favored consorts. Even with rank, I was completely ignored. I had no family to rely on—the Minister’s mansion, to demonstrate their loyalty, wouldn’t interfere in palace affairs and never gave me any support. They even hoped I would die, perhaps earning a trace of the Emperor’s guilt.” She thought of something and smiled slightly: “Later, the Emperor gave me Pei’er, raising him under my name. Pei’er was also an unfavored prince in the palace. We were overlooked people—I was very grateful. Perhaps he was heaven’s gift to me in my previous life, knowing I couldn’t survive alone, so giving me such a child.”
Xiao Shao’s gaze moved slightly, suddenly understanding why Xuan Pei showed such dependence on Jiang Ruan, just as Guan Lianghan had inadvertently mentioned—Pei’er’s attachment to Jiang Ruan was like a fledgling to its mother. If they were mother and son in the previous life, this would indeed be natural in this life. But this meant Pei’er also had memories of his previous life. And so far, what Xiao Shao heard of Jiang Ruan’s past was extremely tragic—he couldn’t understand everything Jiang Ruan had endured, much less imagine that the strong woman before him, who seemed to care about nothing, had once had moments of helplessness and despair.
“Xuan Li had his great enterprise to complete. He hoped I would be an obedient chess piece in the palace, accomplishing through my hands things he found inconvenient to do himself. Later he indeed achieved this. That day, they killed the Emperor but pushed all blame onto me, saying I poisoned His Majesty, calling me a nation-destroying demoness.” Her palms gradually grew sweaty while her body felt cold: “They pushed me down from the nine-story high steps. My father personally sent people to arrest me—he had no intention of protecting me as he claimed. All he wanted was a stepping stone. Once the path was paved, the stone was useless.”
“Aruan…” Xiao Shao couldn’t help but hold her tighter, shocked and heartbroken by her words, but he could do nothing except offer this meager comfort at the moment. Only he knew that this present comfort would have been utterly useless to Jiang Ruan then.
“Xiao Shao, do you think this was the end?” Jiang Ruan shook her head and smiled: “My hell had just begun. I was thrown into the imperial prison, into a death row cell, when someone rescued me. I thought I had escaped to heaven, but it was the beginning of torture. Jiang Susu told me that all hundred-plus lives in the General’s mansion had been executed as traitors after Xuan Li ascended the throne. She told me elder brother was murdered, mother was murdered. The culprits were the people I considered sisters and family. She said she had long been displeased with my occupying the legitimate daughter’s position, so that day she blinded my eyes, cut off my nose, pulled out my tongue, severed my limbs, and made me into a human pig. Xiao Shao, as master of the Embroidered Uniform Guards for so many years, you know what a human pig is—I was like a complete monster, disgusting to even glance at.”
“Aruan!” Xiao Shao couldn’t help but shout. He took a deep breath. He had always known that great inner strength must come from very deep torment. Jiang Ruan’s strength was extraordinary, which meant she must have endured much pain that ordinary people never experience. But all his guesses couldn’t compare to hearing Jiang Ruan personally recount her suffering. At this moment, he felt her pain and despair deeply. He understood why Jiang Ruan hated the Xia family and Jiang Quan so much—if it were him, his hatred wouldn’t be any less. Xiao Shao, always cold and unmoved by external things, actually felt a trace of panic. What would happen if he lost Jiang Ruan?
Jiang Ruan didn’t move, letting him hold her tightly, slowly saying: “…Later, she had me delivered to Li Dong. In the Chancellor’s mansion, before my eyes, she made me watch as Li Dong… with Pei’er…” She finally couldn’t speak, her voice already choked: “I could endure anything—I accepted whatever came at me, but they wouldn’t even spare the child. In this life, I will never forgive them! I will always remember the pain they brought me. This lifetime, I came only for revenge!” She looked at Xiao Shao, slowly saying: “In the eighteenth year of Xuande, Jiang Susu became Empress, Jiang Quan was promoted to first rank, the Xia family rose to prominence, and I died.”
“I died under the random clubs of the Chancellor’s mansion guards. When I opened my eyes, I found myself back on the estate. I was very grateful—this was heaven giving me another chance. I struggled to climb up, met Censor Wang, saved elder brother, helped the General’s mansion avoid disaster. Everything I did was to prevent what happened in my previous life from recurring. Everything I did was only to come back and collect a blood debt.” She looked at Xiao Shao, tears gradually welling in her eyes: “I’m a dead person, Xiao Shao. Do you understand?”
These words were so shocking, yet Xiao Shao looked at her and suddenly pulled her into his arms again. He held her tightly—in his embrace, she was as fragile as a newborn beast, easily broken. He gritted his teeth, his handsome face showing restraint, struggling to control himself, his eyes somewhat red. Yet his tone remained calm, still using his usual unquestionable expression: “I understand, but I don’t care.”
“You are my wife, you are of the Xiao family. I won’t dislike you for this, nor will I think you’re an anomaly. I only regret not meeting you earlier in the previous life,” he took a sharp breath before continuing: “I regret missing you in the previous life, letting you suffer so much.”
Jiang Ruan was stunned, slowly reaching out to embrace his waist, half-smiling, half-sighing: “Fool, what does this have to do with you?”
The always cold and invincible master of the Embroidered Uniform Guards felt no displeasure at being called a fool. At this moment, Xiao Shao only wanted to protect the person before him forever. Just thinking that in some lifetime he didn’t know, he had lost this person made his heart ache unbearably. Every casual mention of past suffering in Jiang Ruan’s words was like slow torture to his present self. He had never known his wife carried so many secrets, coming to this life bearing secrets, living for hatred—how lonely and isolated those years of unknown secrets must have been. He dared not think.
Jiang Ruan slowly loosened her hands, looking up at him. The young man leaned slightly forward, his dark eyes containing the same gentle calm as always, one look bringing reassurance. His gaze held not a trace of avoidance or disgust—he was so sincere. Jiang Ruan suddenly reached out to cover his eyes. His long lashes swept across her palm with a tickling sensation. Jiang Ruan slowly closed her eyes and kissed him.
“Fortunately, you didn’t miss me this time, and neither did I.”
…
Manager Lin waited anxiously outside for a long while, finally deciding to check the situation inside. He carefully stood at the study door, used a needle to make a small hole in the latticed window to peek inside, immediately froze, jumped back a great distance, and retreated to the courtyard.
Jin Si looked at him curiously: “Old Lin, did the young master and young mistress quarrel? What are you hiding from?”
Manager Lin didn’t hear her words, only frowning in deep thought. How did talking turn into kissing? The young master’s matter should be very serious—it shouldn’t have gone off track to this extent. But why did the young mistress cover the young master’s eyes? Could it be… Old Lin’s eyes lit up—had the young mistress seen that book he’d hidden under the young master’s bedding? The young mistress was truly a heroine among women, good at practical application. Covering eyes was quite novel, though doing it in the study might be too bold. But this was good—if they could soon produce a future young master for Prince Jinying’s mansion, that would be perfect. They just couldn’t be discovered.
Manager Lin’s expression changed as he seriously told Jin Si: “The young mistress and young master are discussing very important matters in the study. Don’t disturb them. If those… guards come to cause trouble again, beat them all out with clubs—not just anyone can act wildly in the mansion.” With that, he headed toward the kitchen: “I need to have the cook prepare nourishing foods. The young mistress is probably working hard now.”
Jin Si shrugged. Jin San emerged from behind, scratching her head: “Why do I feel like Old Lin is the one who’s gone off track?”