On the journey from Jiankang to Langya, that young girl was very quiet throughout.
Bai Song rarely spoke with her. He was naturally cold in temperament and quite impatient about making such a trip in this bitter cold weather. Along the way, unless necessary, he never initiated conversation with her.
This young girl was quite understanding and probably knew he was impatient, so she never troubled him unnecessarily. Only when they first left Jiankang did she ask him to find a physician for her mother—beyond that, there was nothing else.
She didn’t cry either. Every time Bai Song entered the carriage to bring them food, he would only see her curled up into a small bundle in the corner of the carriage, with the Young Master’s fur coat covering her still-unconscious mother while she only held onto a corner of that fur coat with one hand. She was very anxious about her mother and had also fallen ill herself. Although she had improved somewhat after the physician’s examination, she still looked very haggard. Yet despite her discomfort, every time he came in to deliver food she would quietly say “thank you for your trouble” to him. Even though he actually showed her no pleasant expression, she never abandoned proper etiquette because of this.
At that time Bai Song already knew she was the Finance Minister’s illegitimate daughter and originally harbored some contempt, but later he thought that the Shen family truly lived up to their reputation as an aristocratic family—they had indeed raised their children… quite well.
They could have continued peacefully all the way to Langya like this, until that night when her mother died.
Bai Song was actually not very surprised. When he first saw her mother in the deep forest outside Jiankang City, he had felt her life would not last long. Later the physician had also hinted at this to him, but after considering the matter he ultimately did not tell Shen Xiling. Firstly, he feared trouble and worried this child would cry and make a fuss upon knowing. Secondly, he also felt some pity for her—since she was powerless to help, why make her grieve early?
The night her mother died, she finally cried.
That night they traveled through the night. Bai Song sat outside the carriage listening to the steady sound of hoofbeats on the official road, yet it could not cover the desperate wails of grief from the young girl behind him. At that time Bai Song actually knew that even if he found an imperial physician from the palace for her, it would be of no use, but he didn’t know why he still found a physician for her. By the time the physician finally arrived, her mother’s body had already grown cold.
In his life Bai Song had actually witnessed many tragic scenes. He was Qi Ying’s personal retainer and had seen much of life and death by his side. He had not never encountered people with more unfortunate circumstances than Shen Xiling, but he had never felt compassion before. It was precisely Shen Xiling who made him feel pity—perhaps because she was only eleven years old that year, perhaps because of the very clean look in her eyes when she quietly said “thank you for your trouble,” or perhaps there was no reason at all and his mind had simply gone bad, which was why he wanted to help her.
He found a fine coffin for her mother. On the day her mother was placed in the coffin, she had stopped crying. Her face was sickly pale as she prostrated herself beside her mother’s coffin with a dull expression, her eyes swollen red from crying and devoid of spirit. Bai Song even felt she had actually died too, leaving only an empty shell still here.
He thought about it, then crouched down beside her and spoke to her voluntarily for the first time: “We’ll reach Langya soon. Once we arrive at home, your relatives can hold a funeral for your mother.”
She didn’t know whether she heard or didn’t hear—for a long time there was no reaction. Bai Song was unusually patient and waited a long while before hearing that young girl murmur while embracing the coffin: “My… relatives?”
She struggled to support her frail body, looking up at him and asking, “Do I still have relatives?”
Bai Song had heard that her mother was from Langya and that her maternal family was also considered well-off locally, thinking there should still be relatives there. So he nodded at her and said again, “Let the dead rest in peace. Hurry and get on the road.”
When hearing those four words “let the dead rest in peace,” Shen Xiling’s gaze wavered somewhat. Bai Song didn’t know what she was thinking, only waited a long time again before seeing her nod.
Shen Xiling’s mother’s natal family was surnamed Wei. They were indeed in Langya, indeed considered well-off locally, and indeed still had relatives there. But Shen Xiling’s maternal grandfather and grandmother were both no longer in this world by then. The current Wei family was headed by her eldest uncle, and besides him she had two other uncles and one aunt.
She entered the Wei household alone. After Bai Song drove the carriage to deliver her to the door, he left. She came to this unfamiliar mansion all by herself, possessing only her mother’s coffin and the long fur coat that person had left her.
When she knelt before these relatives she had never met with her mother’s coffin, her fantasies about the word “relatives” from along the way began to slowly fade, because the expressions on her uncles’ and aunts’ faces were decidedly not good, and she could see no sorrow in their eyes as they looked at her mother’s coffin.
At that time she was actually very frightened in her heart. Though she was born humbly and her childhood days had been quite difficult, her mother had loved and protected her greatly, and though she couldn’t see her father often, he had also been very affectionate toward her. Apart from their family’s poverty, she had not really suffered any hardships. She truly disliked this feeling at this moment—facing everything alone. She missed her mother and missed her father, but her mother had left her forever, and whether she could see her father again was unknown.
She knelt in the hall below, requesting that her various uncles and aunts help her bury her mother.
Her eldest aunt had a prosperous appearance and said to her with kind brows and gentle eyes, “Good child, quickly get up and come to your aunt’s side.”
Shen Xiling did as told, rising and walking to her eldest aunt’s side. She pulled Shen Xiling’s hand quite intimately. Shen Xiling didn’t know her and felt somewhat uncomfortable being held so intimately, but at that time she was still very grateful to her, so she only stood obediently beside this aunt.
Her eldest aunt continued, “Burying little sister-in-law is naturally proper and appropriate, and taking you in is just adding one more pair of chopsticks to the household—it’s not a big matter. It’s just that when little sister-in-law eloped, it displeased father-in-law, and he said he would no longer acknowledge her. Although the old man has now passed away, we as the younger generation shouldn’t go against the deceased’s wishes.”
Hearing this, her second aunt smiled and chimed in, “Regarding little sister-in-law’s matter, my sister-in-law and I married into the family late, so we don’t know much about it. But I heard she was originally betrothed to the son of the Langya Prefect’s family—a very good match—but later fled the wedding and eloped with someone?”
Her second uncle snorted coldly upon hearing this, cursed something, then said, “Family misfortune! To produce such a thing that stained the family reputation!”
Her third uncle followed up, “When she wouldn’t marry the Prefect’s son, we initially thought she had found some better prospects, but later learned she was serving as someone’s mistress—not even counting as a proper concubine! A few years ago when Yao’er wanted to seek a position in Jiankang, I heard eldest brother even personally wrote her a letter, but she wouldn’t even help her own nephew. Now that she’s dead, she suddenly remembers us relatives? What a fine calculation!”
The third aunt waved her silk handkerchief, frowning as she said, “As a sister-in-law, I shouldn’t speak of little sister-in-law like this, but she really handled this matter too improperly. Now that she’s dead, who knows what she died of? If she contracted some filthy disease, it would be even less appropriate to bury her in our family grounds.”
They spoke one after another, saying things Shen Xiling couldn’t understand. Though she couldn’t comprehend it all, she knew they were insulting her mother, just like her father’s wife had done years ago—their expressions were very similar. Though her mother had suffered much and had many disappointments, Shen Xiling knew she had always been quite happy. She loved father greatly and father loved her too—when they were together they always had smiling faces and tender gazes.
She wanted very much to loudly refute them, just as she had done when that wife came to insult her mother last time, but she didn’t dare. She feared that if she did this, they would be even less willing to bury her mother, and her mother would be unable to rest in peace. Therefore she said nothing, only knelt at her eldest aunt’s feet with a deathly pale face, pleading, “I have grown up and don’t need uncles and aunts to support me. I only ask you to be magnanimous and help me bury mother. I’m willing to serve as a slave or maid to repay your kindness. Please, please bury mother…”
Her eldest uncle had a stern expression and had been sitting upright in the hall throughout. Though the other uncles and aunts had chattered so much, he had never spoken. Her eldest aunt also seemed to fear her husband. After hearing her plea she said nothing, only stole glances at her eldest uncle’s expression. Seeing his cold demeanor with hints of disgust, she understood his meaning and turned to Shen Xiling, saying, “Child, it’s not that your aunt is hard-hearted, but your mother is truly despicable. She is no longer a member of the Wei family, so naturally she cannot be buried in Wei family grounds.”
She pried open Shen Xiling’s fingers that were tightly gripping her skirt one by one, smiling with kind brows and gentle eyes as she said, “Don’t blame us either. If you must blame someone, blame your own fate.”
Shen Xiling was driven out by the Wei family’s servants, along with her mother’s coffin.
Langya’s winter was very cold. Though it wasn’t snowing when she was driven out, the sky was overcast and the cold wind piercing. She wrapped the fur coat tightly around herself, standing beside her mother’s coffin not knowing where to go.
She was too small and thin—one person couldn’t possibly lift that coffin—yet the Wei family people were unwilling to lend a hand. She thought she should bury her mother, but though Langya was her mother’s hometown, since her relatives were so cold toward her, presumably her mother wouldn’t want to be buried here either. Before her mother died she had tightly gripped her hand, and though the carriage had traveled all the way to Langya, her gaze had always looked toward Jiankang’s direction. She hadn’t actually lived a very good life in Jiankang, but that place had father in it. Presumably mother would, after all, not want to be separated from father.
Shen Xiling nestled beside her mother’s cold coffin. After a long while she stood up shakily by herself, removed the long fur coat from her body, and walked toward the marketplace.
She went to the pawn shop.
Speaking of pawn shops, such places had great affinity with her—she had been a regular customer since childhood. Langya differed from Jiankang in many ways, but the pawn shops in both places were quite similar, equally filled with many pawned treasures and many people with sorrowful expressions.
Shen Xiling pawned Qi Ying’s long fur coat.
Actually this item wasn’t hers—she shouldn’t have pawned it—but it was the only valuable thing she had with her. She needed to exchange it for money to hire a carriage back to Jiankang, to bring her mother back to father’s side. Perhaps she wouldn’t be able to see father, perhaps after returning she would be caught by those armored, sword-carrying people, but even so she had to bring mother back—that was their true homeland.
The pawn shop clerk gave her twenty taels of silver.
Though young, she had often accompanied her mother to pawn items since childhood and was very familiar with pawn shop rates. That clerk probably saw her young age and deliberately lowered the price. She actually knew that fur coat was extremely valuable and shouldn’t be worth only twenty taels, but she said nothing, only silently collected the silver and went to the carriage and horse business.
With New Year approaching, when the carriage business clerk heard she wanted to travel from Langya to Jiankang, he felt the journey too distant and declined to take the job. She begged for a long time and offered much more payment before the other party agreed and promised to depart the next morning.
Shen Xiling was very happy. She felt she had finally accomplished something for her mother, without the slightest thought that she had spent all her silver and didn’t know where she would sleep that night or what she would eat. She only felt happy.
When she returned exhausted to find her mother, she saw Bai Song beside her mother’s coffin.