From that time onward, Qi Ying had become thoroughly addicted to Five Stone Powder.

Actually, the first time taking it wouldn’t necessarily lead to addiction, but he knew deeply that if he didn’t appear addicted, His Majesty would never let the matter rest. His mansion surely also had His Majesty’s spies, so he had to truly take it, truly become addicted, in order to gain the Son of Heaven’s trust.

Day after day, year after year… a full five years had passed, and he was already deeply mired in the quagmire.

But Shen Xiling didn’t understand any of these circumstances. All she saw was everything before her eyes today. She saw that Qi Ying had become contaminated with the deadly substance of Five Stone Powder, and she also saw that his body had already weakened to this state—loving him as she did, how could she not feel pain upon seeing this?

She felt everything was utterly absurd.

She still remembered at the tea gathering hosted by Lady Zhong earlier, when the noble ladies of Great Wei had discussed the reason why Qi Ying hadn’t come to the polo match as promised. At that time, someone had said that people from Jiangzuo were always fond of consuming Five Stone Powder, and perhaps the governor had injured his health because of this and thus didn’t dare to accept the challenge. How indignant Shen Xiling had been upon hearing this! She knew deeply the integrity of the Qi family’s household customs, and knew even more deeply how pure and noble the man she was infatuated with was—it was absolutely impossible for him to be contaminated with such things!

But how could she have imagined… that he actually really had…

Shen Xiling’s heart ached violently, and besides that, she was extremely panicked.

She questioned him repeatedly, asking why he had become contaminated with that substance, but all Qi Ying gave her was silence.

Endless silence.

This place of confinement in the barren mountains was very crude, even the candles in the room weren’t bright enough, making his face appear even more dim and unclear. Shen Xiling could only see the faint weariness in his eyes when he lowered them, as well as his rigid coldness.

“This matter has nothing to do with you,” he said. “You should leave.”

There it was again.

There it was again.

He wanted her to leave again.

It had been like this from the beginning. Whenever there was any danger or trouble, his first thought was always to immediately make her leave, pretending to be cold and heartless, when in reality his purpose was always to protect her—like when she came of age and he rejected her feelings, and like when he personally sent her away to marry far off.

She understood too clearly that this person always kept all the danger and suffering for himself, then pushed her far away.

But he never understood that what she wanted to walk was never the path to safety, but merely the path where he was.

At that time, Shen Xiling’s tears had long since become unstoppable. In the dim candlelight, she looked at him, the grief and fear in her heart having already overwhelmed her. She couldn’t help but suddenly throw herself into his embrace, hugging him tightly, tightly!

That was an embrace after five years of separation.

During these five years, she had fantasized about embracing him again almost every day. Even today during the day, she had wanted to lean into his arms. She had thought that touching him after their long separation would make her ecstatic with joy, but unexpectedly it only made her feel more bitter.

He seemed not to have expected her to suddenly throw herself into his arms, so there was a moment of stunned surprise, after which he reached out to push her away, very resolutely, without hesitation.

“Young Master,” Shen Xiling hugged him even tighter, her voice broken, “…I’m afraid.”

What was time?

It was the most powerful and most ruthless thing in this world, able to easily change everything beyond recognition.

Shen Xiling had also changed. In many places people couldn’t see, she had become indifferent and selfish, even manipulating power and schemes.

She could so naturally manipulate others, she could so firmly and tenaciously plan and scheme, she could so coldly and ruthlessly threaten Gu Juhan. She had become a person who felt strange even to herself.

…But once she returned to Qi Ying’s presence, she became that little girl who had fallen sitting in the snow ten years ago again.

Sensitive, fragile, slightly timid.

And… extremely attached to him.

Young Master… I’m afraid.

I’m not afraid of the dangers of this world, I’m not afraid of the cruelty of those evil spirits, and I’m not afraid of the treachery of the deadly trap you’re caught in.

I can face all of these, I can share the burden for you.

I’m only afraid… that this time your injuries are too severe.

I’m afraid I will truly lose you.

The trembling in her voice was so obvious, her attachment to him almost tangible, and in an instant it brought Qi Ying back to those past times too.

At that time she wasn’t yet someone else’s wife, at that time he could still care for and cherish her without any reservations.

At that time he hadn’t yet been contaminated with those deadly things.

At that time there was still a future between them.

At that time…

Just an embrace, just one simple sentence from her, and he couldn’t help but think back to the past. They seemed to have both returned to five years ago, when neither had changed and they still loved each other as before.

Shen Xiling felt that he was no longer pushing her away.

She naturally felt happy about this, but at that time the pain in her heart was even greater, so much so that she couldn’t feel the happiness. She only leaned even more tightly into his embrace, feeling his warmth, his heartbeat, the faint scent of sweet flag on his body.

Everything was most familiar to her.

At that moment, Shen Xiling suddenly understood what was meant by homeland.

So her homeland wasn’t in Langya, wasn’t in Jiankang, wasn’t even in Fenghe Courtyard.

…But in him.

—So you are my homeland.

She quietly held him, and he didn’t speak nor embrace her, but he no longer pushed her away either. Thus they rarely had a moment of peaceful dependence.

As if time had flowed backward.

Later he finally spoke.

He reached out to gently stroke her hair, just as gentle as when she was small, making Shen Xiling feel even more familiar, and thus her tears flowed even more unstoppably.

He gently patted her back, as if knowing she had suffered great grievances. And he knew she was actually very easy to coax—after all, she wasn’t greedy at all, as long as he stayed by her side, she didn’t even need him to say much to comfort her.

She was such an easily satisfied person.

However, they still had to part.

Qi Ying gently held her, allowing her tears to soak through his clothes, leaving burning yet ice-cold marks at the position of his heart, while saying to her in a calm voice: “Wenwen, go.”

He was finally willing to call her Wenwen.

No longer like that day at the tea gathering, with that cold and cruel “Lady Duke Yanguo.”

No longer like today during the day, so rigid as to have no form of address at all.

Yes, she wasn’t someone else.

She was his Wenwen.

But that form of address was like a sweet deception—his true purpose was still to make her leave.

Shen Xiling’s heart withered piece by piece.

She was silent for a long time before finally withdrawing somewhat from his embrace, raising her face to look at him. Those beautiful eyes had already cried until they were red and swollen, in complete disarray.

But she was still very beautiful, even more beautiful because of this.

She asked him: “Leave? Go where?”

He looked down at her, answering: “Go to a safe place.”

The place where I stand burns with the fires of hell, and I don’t want you to be burned along with me.

So go, go to a safe place, let others protect you.

I can no longer do so.

Shen Xiling smiled, a very faint smile that looked heartbreakingly beautiful.

“Where is a safe place?” she asked him in return. “By the General’s side?”

She looked at him with clear eyes, confirming: “Do you want me to go to his side?”

The candlelight flickered, and Qi Ying’s expression became even more dim.

He didn’t speak—it was tacit agreement.

Shen Xiling smiled again, this time even more faintly, her gaze turning elsewhere, somewhat empty.

She said: “Young Master, do you know what I did while you were unconscious?”

Qi Ying’s brow furrowed. After thinking for a moment, he looked toward the window.

The night outside had become deep and thick, clearly showing it was already late at night… This was already far beyond the three hours that Gu Juhan had told her during the day.

He suddenly had an ominous premonition in his heart.

And Shen Xiling immediately confirmed everything.

Her expression was very indifferent as she said: “I wrote a letter of divorce for the General, went down the mountain to give it to him, and I told him that I would never leave this place again.”

Speaking of these matters, her expression and tone suddenly changed, becoming something unfamiliar to Qi Ying.

That was the growth she had experienced over these five years.

She was so decisive, resolute, calm, and determined. She could decide everything herself and arrange it all properly.

“The General told me that if I insisted on being stubborn, perhaps even he couldn’t guarantee my safety,” before Qi Ying could say anything, she added another sentence, her tone still very light, “I told him that no matter what I had to pay for this, even if I died, I wanted to stay here.”

Look, how capable she was.

She could even bear all the consequences herself now.

And however resolute and calm she was, the turmoil in Qi Ying’s heart at that time was equally intense. He was even made to cough by her anger, his complexion becoming even paler.

He scolded her: “Nonsense!”

His appearance at that time was extremely stern and extremely cold, actually making Shen Xiling suddenly recall that snowy night ten years ago when she first paid respects to him in Wangshi. At that time when she asked him where her father’s body lay, he had gazed at her with such a cold expression. That kind of coldness had made the young her afraid of him for a long time.

But now she was no longer afraid of him.

She only loved him very, very deeply and hoped for his safety.

“I’m not being nonsensical,” she looked at him both gently and stubbornly, “I just want to make up for my regret from back then.”

Qi Ying’s brow furrowed even tighter.

“Back then I couldn’t help you and could only leave,” her gaze was firm, “but now it’s different. I won’t be a burden to you and can even protect you, so I absolutely won’t leave again.”

She didn’t avoid his gaze at all.

“If I live, I’m joyful; if I die, I’m willing.”

She was so resolute, her eyes seeming to hide a quietly burning flame that looked silent and soundless, yet was scalding hot.

Just like her feelings for him.

But this wasn’t what Qi Ying wanted to see at all.

How much thought had he spent, how much price had he paid to send her to escape with her life? How could he now allow her to so easily return to a place of death?

He was truly angered, coughing incessantly. Shen Xiling both worried and fearfully helped pat his back, while he pushed away her hands, his expression cold to the extreme, saying to her: “Go back to find him, have him keep you. I’ll also think of ways to help you. You absolutely cannot…”

“Impossible,” before he could finish speaking, Shen Xiling stubbornly interrupted him, looking at him without any retreat, “Besides by your side, I won’t go anywhere.”

Qi Ying’s coughing became even more violent.

The sound of his coughing was very deep, making her even more worried, and this commotion alerted Qing Zhu outside the room. He knocked on the door worriedly, asking if the young master needed him to come in and serve.

Qi Ying’s voice was broken by coughing, but he still forced himself to call Qing Zhu in. Qing Zhu entered quickly with worry, and seeing the young master’s deathly pale complexion, he naturally became equally anxious, only saying he would go brew medicine for him and asking him to wait a moment longer.

But Qi Ying called him back, pointing at Shen Xiling and saying: “Cough cough… take her… cough cough, take her down the mountain…”

Upon hearing that he still didn’t forget to drive her away at this time, Shen Xiling felt terrible. She wanted to argue with him, but at that time his appearance of coughing incessantly was truly too worrying for her, so much so that she momentarily couldn’t think to say anything else, only kept helping him catch his breath and urging Qing Zhu to go brew medicine for him.

But he was very insistent, still pushing away her hands, coughing while pointing toward the door.

He wanted her to leave.

Even though he was sick to this extent, he still didn’t forget to make her leave.

This person…

Shen Xiling no longer dared to argue with him, only fearing that his body would suffer even more.

She nodded through her tears, saying: “Alright, alright, I’ll go, I’ll go… don’t be anxious, don’t get angry…”

His coughing didn’t stop, but those phoenix eyes still watched her tightly, his hand still pointing toward the door.

He was driving her away.

It was also saving her.

Qing Zhu turned his eyes away, unable to bear watching.

The candlelight in the room flickered, stretching their shadows very long and making them sway unsteadily.

Just like their fate.

Also like their parting.

Author’s Note:

This might sound unbelievable, but in just one more chapter they’re going to that… [Highlighted: It’s just one more chapter! Meaning there’s still one chapter of buildup in between!] But what’s even more unbelievable is that I’m actually stuck writing at such a crucial moment [Speechless! Knocking on wood…]

It’s just… sigh, I feel that scene is very important, both emotionally and plot-wise, so I don’t want to just skip over it with a fade to black, but I also really haven’t figured out how to write it beautifully and sensually without violating regulations… so I’m stuck… [I’m just useless, so I want to take tomorrow off to think it over more, to avoid writing garbage and wasting everyone’s time. I was wrong, I’m guilty! So sorry!]

[Also, I’ve seen the angels’ suggestions, but JJ previously sent a message saying we also can’t guide readers to other platforms to read explicit content… so… I’ll still try to work within the rules… (Law-abiding good citizen)]