694 AD, Fangzhou
Li Guo’er crouched in the flower bed in the backyard, sulking. The ten-year-old girl was dressed like a boy, wearing coarse cloth in dark colors, her hair parted down the middle and tied into two knots on top of her head, shaped like two lamb horns, styled just like a boy’s. If strangers saw her, they would secretly praise what a fine child she was, looking as pure and blessed as the attendant boy under Guanyin Bodhisattva’s seat.
When Li Chongrun came looking for her, what he found was a dirty yet somehow endearing little child. He couldn’t help but chuckle silently to himself, thinking his little sister was truly amusing. Though he was only a little over two years older than Li Guo’er, he already had the makings of a young man, much taller than Li Guo’er, and easily lifted the little child who was squatting on the ground into his arms.
Li Guo’er was startled, but when she realized it was her own brother, she struggled a bit and called out in a crisp voice: “Brother Chongzhao!”
Li Chongrun was afraid she might fall, so he quickly loosened his grip and helped her stand properly on the ground, frowning as he said: “How many times have I told you? I changed my name to Li Chongrun. Before, seeing you were young, I didn’t insist too much. Today is your birthday, you’re ten years old now, so you need to remember to change how you address me from now on.”
Li Guo’er had never seen her brother so serious before. Li Chongrun was born a prince and noble heir, made Crown Prince from birth. Although later, like their father, he was demoted to commoner status, his innate imperial bearing became increasingly commanding as he grew older, making others dare not underestimate him.
Li Chongrun was indeed somewhat angry. He knew that if he didn’t speak sternly, this mischievous little sister would continue to treat his words as mere background noise as she had before. But he had barely maintained his stern expression when he noticed his little sister’s jade-white, adorable face fall. Silently calling out “oh no,” he saw those bright black and white eyes immediately fill with tears, beginning to drip down drop by drop. Though he knew it was probably fake crying, it still tugged at his heartstrings, and he quickly gathered this mud-monkey-like little child into his arms to comfort her gently.
“Brother Chongzhao is a bad person… wuu wuu…” Li Guo’er had been feeling frustrated about various things today, and this seemed like she’d found an outlet for her grievances, so she grabbed Li Chongrun’s clothes and began to cry.
Li Chongrun felt deeply regretful, patting his young sister’s delicate shoulders as he sighed and explained: “Little sister, are you upset that Father and Mother didn’t celebrate your birthday today? People came from the capital today, so they didn’t have the mind to arrange anything for you.” More than not having the mind – Li Chongrun thought of how their father Li Xian had just heard that an envoy had come from the capital, and didn’t even have the courage to go out and greet them, pacing anxiously in circles in the room, almost ready to take his own life. This scene played out every time people came from the capital, and it was fortunate that their mother was so patient in consoling him from the side, otherwise Father couldn’t have endured all these years.
Li Guo’er obviously understood what people coming from the capital meant, and her crying immediately quieted considerably. Sobbing in her brother’s embrace, she asked: “Why… why can’t I call you Brother Chongzhao? Why do you have to change your name?”
Li Chongrun was taken aback, then laughed. Perhaps because their parents had always neglected to pay attention to these children, when he changed his name back then, Father had only mentioned it casually, he had agreed, little Xianhui had complied without understanding the reason, and only little Guo’er had stubbornly refused to change how she addressed him. He had overlooked never telling her the reason. Li Chongrun didn’t answer directly, but asked in return: “Little Guo’er, why do you insist on not changing how you address me? Your sister changed how she addressed me very early on!”
When Li Guo’er heard Li Chongrun mention Li Xianhui, she became even more indignant, wanting to break free from her brother’s embrace, but he was stronger than her. After struggling for a few moments, Li Guo’er had no choice but to maintain her original position obediently, asking sullenly: “I don’t want to change the name. Changing the name makes it seem like brother has become a different person.”
Li Chongrun was speechless with amusement, not expecting his little sister’s thoughts to be so delicate and sensitive. Though he didn’t take it seriously in his heart, he still patiently explained: “Why do you think that way? Brother is still here, isn’t he? It’s just changing how you address me.”
“It’s not the same! Sister Xianhui said that a name is the first gift parents give their child, it’s a very important existence!” Li Guo’er lifted her head and refuted crisply. Her small face was covered with streaky tear marks, and she was now staring with a pair of red eyes much like a rabbit’s, which made her utterly adorable. But then she immediately put on a dejected expression and said with low spirits: “But Sister Xianhui’s name sounds so nice, I’m just called Guo’er… Brother Chongzhao, was I picked up somewhere?”
So this was the real issue. Li Chongrun found it both touching and amusing upon hearing this, taking out a handkerchief from his pocket and carefully wiping clean the tear marks and dirt from Li Guo’er’s face as he said solemnly: “Guo’er, you were born on the road when Mother was traveling to Fangzhou. At that time we didn’t even have a piece of swaddling cloth, so Father took off his own clothes and personally wrapped you up, which is why he called you Guo’er. This actually represents his love for you!”
Listening to her brother’s gentle voice, Li Guo’er gradually stopped crying, staring with those beautiful eyes that were particularly clear after being washed by tears, saying nothing at all.
So she really was born at a time when she wasn’t expected, she really couldn’t compare to Sister Xianhui at all… Guo’er, Guo’er… every time they called her name, did Father think of that embarrassing and miserable past?
Li Guo’er lowered her face, the light in her eyes slowly dimming.
Li Chongrun didn’t notice that the little girl’s mood was even lower than before. Seeing that she had finally quieted down, he took her hand and headed to the kitchen to change clothes.
Today was his little sister’s tenth birthday, there was no way he could let her continue wearing boys’ clothes. And she couldn’t dress like this in the future either, otherwise as little sister grew older, what would that look like?
Thinking this way in his heart, Li Chongrun continued the previous topic aloud: “I didn’t change my name because I don’t respect the gift from our parents, but because my name had the same sound as the new name our Imperial Grandmother took, so I changed it to avoid the taboo.” Their Imperial Grandmother had taken the name Zhao, so names with the same sound naturally had to be changed.
This time Li Guo’er didn’t ask any more questions. Though she had never met that Imperial Grandmother, through her father and mother’s scattered words, she had already deeply experienced that Imperial Grandmother’s intimidating presence. Li Guo’er thought carefully and realized her brother had changed his name four years ago, which meant that Imperial Grandmother had proclaimed herself emperor four years ago.
So women could also be emperor… this thought only flashed through Li Guo’er’s mind. At her still young age, she had no way to imagine that her future self would be so close to that position, close enough to almost grasp it easily. Right now she was more concerned about other things.
Li Guo’er obediently followed her brother through the backyard. The flower bed in this backyard had been converted into a vegetable garden, and her mother personally worked the land to grow some vegetables to supplement their meals. The place where they lived was even more shabby, barely counting as a few broken rooms that could keep out wind and rain, plus two servants who had come from the palace. But now that people had come from the capital, those two servants had gone to the front to serve, so Li Chongrun personally went to the kitchen to boil a pot of hot water and found a clean set of clothes before returning to the side room.
He hadn’t expected his little sister’s reaction to be so strong. As soon as she saw the clothes in his hands, she quickly turned her head away and said coldly: “I won’t wear them!”
Li Chongrun patiently coaxed: “Guo’er, be good. These clothes are clean, and you’re ten years old today. Do you plan to keep wearing boys’ clothes forever? Do you still want to get married?”
Li Guo’er gritted her teeth and said in a low voice: “I won’t wear other people’s old clothes!” After saying this, her eyes immediately reddened, but this time she refused to let the tears fall no matter what, stubbornly raising her head and forcibly holding back the tears.
Li Chongrun was taken aback. Only then did he realize that what he was holding was Li Xianhui’s clothing. When their family was demoted to Fangzhou, it wasn’t exactly imprisonment, but they couldn’t just go outside and show their faces freely either, so naturally they would be given some silver. But this was barely enough to get by, and the remaining money and goods were naturally embezzled by those with ulterior motives, so how could they afford new clothes? Sometimes in the bitter cold winter, they didn’t even have enough clothing to keep warm.
Li Chongrun didn’t think Li Guo’er was being unreasonable. He had once received countless affections in his childhood – his great-grandfather Emperor Gaozong had issued a general amnesty when he was one month old, and had personally made him Crown Prince when he was one year old, establishing a household and appointing officials for him. Though his childhood memories were no longer very clear, Li Chongrun knew that his father had once been emperor, and if not for their Imperial Grandmother, he should now be the most honored Crown Prince of the current dynasty, and his little sister should be his most beloved princess.
This thought only arose for an instant before Li Chongrun forced himself to push it back into the deepest part of his heart.
He couldn’t think about it. The human heart was never satisfied – their family was safe and sound now, which was better than anything. A few years ago his sixth uncle, the deposed Crown Prince Li Xian, had died by suicide in Bazhou. Whether there were any hidden circumstances, Li Chongrun didn’t want to know and absolutely didn’t dare to think about.
Reaching out to stroke his little sister’s soft hair, Li Chongrun silently sighed at his own carelessness. Li Xianhui was only one year older than Li Guo’er, but naturally the older one got new clothes first, and when they could no longer be worn they were passed down to the younger one. But Li Guo’er never wore Li Xianhui’s hand-me-downs – these two little girls seemed naturally incompatible, and Li Chongrun hadn’t expected they would be particular about such things too.
Looking more carefully at the men’s clothing Li Guo’er was wearing, Li Chongrun’s gloomy mood suddenly cleared completely, and he smiled slightly: “Guo’er, if you won’t wear Xianhui’s old clothes, how is it that you’re willing to wear my old clothes?” He had never paid attention before, but now he realized his little sister’s clothing looked extremely familiar – it should be his old clothes from a few years ago.
Li Guo’er immediately became awkward, stammering: “Brother Chong… Brother and Sister Xianhui are different…” This time she remembered to change how she addressed him and didn’t say that word.
Li Chongrun smiled with satisfaction, dampening the handkerchief to wash his little sister’s face, hands, and feet clean. Li Xianhui had been self-reliant from a young age, but Li Guo’er had been raised by him since childhood, so he was quite skilled at these tasks.
After getting Li Guo’er completely clean, Li Chongrun smiled at her: “Guo’er, brother wants to see what you look like in women’s clothing. Will you wear it for brother to see?”
Li Guo’er pressed her pink lips together, looking indignantly at the blue-green lotus silk shirt and willow flower skirt on the bed. After a long while, she reluctantly nodded slightly.
Li Chongrun silently sighed in his heart, thinking he must find a way in the future to get the most beautiful dress for little Guo’er.