Admiration, such admiration! Truly worthy of being the illustrious Emperor Li through the ages. His acting skills were approaching those of an Oscar-winning actor. The coarse hemp cloth clothing on his body expressed the Emperor’s determination to endure the disaster together with all the subjects under heaven. His trembling voice made people feel his inner grief from the heart. The rising and falling recitation accompanied by the periodically sounding horns sent the memorial entreating Heaven’s forgiveness up to the firmament. The Crown Prince in hemp clothes and straw sandals respectfully knelt behind Li Er, holding a red-lacquered wooden tray in his hands. His mouth twitched from time to time. Those who knew understood he was feeling nauseous about having to eat locusts soon. Those who didn’t know might think he was already sobbing from sorrow.
Yun Ye stood inside the gauze curtain, occasionally taking an egg-battered locust from the plate in his hand and tossing it in his mouth, crunching on the fried locusts while excitedly watching Li Er perform before an assembly of tens of thousands.
He wasn’t qualified to run into the ministers’ group all dressed up in full regalia, reciting incomprehensible memorials. Zhangsun had placed him together with the princes and princesses, forbidding him to go anywhere. She said if he dared run off to the Qinling Mountains again to be a wild man, she would send his whole family there.
Unable to imagine what his whole family living in tree hollows would look like, he forcefully suppressed his desire to find someone to confide in and obediently stood inside the curtain, eating locusts and watching the performance.
Li Er swayed sorrowfully as if about to collapse. His arms spread open toward heaven, the wide sleeves of his robe brushing past the corners of his eyes. Tears immediately rolled down in torrents. Sorrowful sobbing sounds also came from among the ministers.
This defied common sense. Even if the sleeves were soaked in ginger water, they couldn’t stimulate this many tears. Yun Ye had tried it—at most, the eyes would sting a bit, and after rubbing them it would pass. That Li Er could display this moment of artificial sorrow so thoroughly and vividly made Yun Ye admire him with complete prostration.
He reached toward the plate, preparing to comfort his battered spirit, but unexpectedly grasped at nothing. Looking down—it was gone? What the hell? When leaving the palace, he had just fried a whole plateful. He hadn’t eaten many, had he?
Looking up, he saw Zhangsun in plain clothes and simple hairpin, those beautiful eyes of hers like autumn waters, her lovely large eyes shooting out blazing fury. Looking around, this was terrible! Lanling, Ruyang, Li Tai, Li Ke—they were all munching on locusts, their mouths making crunching sounds. Especially Lanling—she tossed whole locusts into her mouth and in an instant they were broken to pieces. She even occasionally stuck out her little pink tongue to lick the corners of her mouth. There were also young princes and princesses reaching out toward Yun Ye wanting some, but their mothers firmly held them back, not letting them come over.
Finished! This time he had offended every consort in the palace who had any say.
Before Zhangsun there was no room for explanation, nor did he dare explain. He quickly bent his waist, hunched his back, and shrank his neck, putting on a pitiful appearance. Not yet of age, he damn well had no human rights. Which dignified marquis would be stuffed into the consorts’ group? Wasn’t Li Er afraid of causing some scandal?
This master was also a seven-foot man. Right now he should be wearing court robes, crowned with a golden coronet, holding a white jade tablet, mixed in among the ministers learning to recite sutras with Li Er, instead of facing so many beautiful yet resentful eyes.
Fortunately, the Heaven sacrifice was underway. Zhangsun didn’t explode. She only flicked her sleeve to indicate she was very angry and the consequences would be severe, then returned to sit in her chair.
“Brother Ye, this thing is really delicious. Is there more?” Li Ke quietly asked.
“Yes, there’s still plenty. When we get back I’ll make more for you. You can eat as much as you want.” Yun Ye said meaningfully to Li Ke, completely disregarding Consort Yang’s panic.
“I want some too.” Lanling stretched out her oily hand, regretfully looking at the empty plate in Yun Ye’s hands.
“No problem. We’ll eat all these delicious things completely, not leaving a single one.” Yun Ye suddenly remembered his grandmother making his younger sisters herd pigs, and his heart had a plan.
Calling over a eunuch, he quietly gave a few instructions. The eunuch looked at the Empress. Seeing Zhangsun nod in agreement, he hurriedly departed.
“What mischief are you plotting? Although you like to fool around and lack proper form, in important matters you’re quite reliable. This palace will just watch what schemes you have.”
“This subject thought of how grandmother back home made this subject and his siblings herd pigs, so I’m preparing to use the same trick again.”
“Will it be effective?”
“The results will be remarkable!”
“Then try it. If there’s no effect, you’ll understand the consequences of giving foolish suggestions.” To help her husband get through this crisis, Zhangsun didn’t hesitate to sell out her son and Li Er’s children.
“Elder Sister!” Consort Yang was greatly alarmed. She didn’t want her two sons to become wild men who ate locusts.
“Sister needn’t say more. Right now is a life-or-death moment. They are His Majesty’s children, so they must be prepared to endure hardship. Being able to help their Imperial Father is both responsibility and honor. I know you feel sorry for them, but this is just a small matter. Whether there’s any danger—this palace ate some a few days ago. The taste was quite good. In a moment you should all try some too.” The authority of the eldest sister wasn’t just talk. One sentence blocked Consort Yang’s plea and even implicated herself.
After dry heaving twice, Consort Yang clenched her handkerchief and stuffed it in her mouth, her face turning deathly pale.
Faces turning pale weren’t limited to those few consorts who knew the truth—there was also Li Tai.
“You figured it out? How did you think it through? Don’t tell anyone.” Yun Ye poked Li Tai, whose face was deathly pale and who stood stunned like a wooden chicken.
Li Tai said quietly: “This isn’t any difficult problem. Using known conditions to deduce the unknown, it’s not hard to understand the truth of the matter. Are you really going to do this?”
“Nonsense! Your father, your elder brother, your mother—who hasn’t eaten them? For your Li family’s eternal prosperity, even if unpalatable you must eat. Besides, weren’t you just full of praise while eating?”
Li Tai stopped talking and looked through the gauze curtain at his father and elder brother.
Again came several low horn blasts. The fat drummer’s cheeks puffed out like a toad’s as he used all his strength trying to blow louder, hoping to send mortal entreaties farther.
Three cups of wine offered to Heaven, three cups of wine offered to Earth. Li Er was so sorrowful he couldn’t control himself. His voice was full of remorse, tears and snot flowing as he could barely speak: “If I have erred, the fault lies with me. If Heaven sends down punishment, please punish me alone and involve no others. Now that locusts have come, let them devour my heart and liver, but not consume my people’s grain.”
Having finished speaking, he pushed aside the wooden tray Li Chengqian held up and grabbed two locusts from the ground, swallowing them raw into his belly.
Officials and common people filling the grounds all shed tears. Among the military officers, old fool Yuchi grabbed a handful of locusts and stuffed them in his mouth, biting so that green juice dripped down—utterly disgusting. This made other ministers preparing to swallow locusts curse in their hearts: You bastard eating so disgustingly—how are we supposed to swallow them?
It must be said that the ministers of the Great Tang were reliable. Disgusting as it was, they grabbed locusts in their hands without the slightest hesitation and put them in their mouths, swallowing some down.
Yun Ye watched carefully on purpose. There were no slackers or cheaters—everyone honestly ate locusts.
Damn it, all for some small glory and wealth—was it easy? This master felt nauseous just seeing raw locusts. These pampered bigshots didn’t hesitate for a moment, as if eating a piece of pastry. Several even picked their teeth with an expression of lingering enjoyment.
In comparison, Li Chengqian was pitiful. His face changed from white to yellow, then turned bright red. Casting aside the tray, he grabbed a few locusts at random and swallowed them with his eyes closed.
Yun Ye silently prayed in his heart for His Highness the Crown Prince, hoping he wouldn’t throw up.
Li Tai grabbed Yun Ye’s sleeve and said quietly: “Save me! I don’t want to swallow locusts.”
“Hmph! The empire belongs to your Li family. His Majesty, the Crown Prince, the princes, the ministers—they’ve all swallowed them. Why shouldn’t you eat them?”
Li Tai’s face showed despair: “I’ll eat the locusts you make, not raw ones. If I swallow them raw, I’ll die.”
Everyone was waiting for Heaven’s response. A white-haired, white-bearded old Daoist held a fly whisk, his feet treading some unknown constellation pattern. His whole body shaking, he tossed yellow papers toward the sky one after another, then sat down on the altar platform and said nothing more.
“There’s still half a shichen before it ends. Now, Qingque, Ke’er, Ruyang, Lanling, Hengshan—you all come with the Empress Dowager.” Zhangsun spoke. The palace had sent a large basket of fried locusts.
Zhangsun picked up one and carefully put it in her mouth, chewing it randomly a few times before swallowing it down. This delighted Li Ke, Lanling, and the others no end. Each grabbed a handful and ate with great relish. The outside was coated with egg and flour—eating them was fragrant and sweet, crunching them was crispy.
Those who had the opportunity to come out this time were all consorts with children. Not a single one without children was brought. Those not in the know ate nonstop. Those in the know, like Consort Yang, frowned, unable to make up her mind. Thinking his mother was uncomfortable, Li Ke came forward and took the locust from his mother’s hand, saying: “Is Mother Consort not feeling well? Although this thing is delicious, it’s too oily. You don’t like eating greasy food, so let your child do it for you.”
Under Consort Yang’s bizarre gaze, Li Ke, who was born with a cleanliness obsession, munched on locusts, eating them with sweet satisfaction.
Zhangsun was a good Empress indeed!
Leading numerous princes and princesses, they held plates and delivered locusts to the princes and ministers to eat.
The ministers were naturally moved to tears of gratitude. Having just swallowed locusts, their stomachs were uncomfortable. The Empress was sending charcoal in the snow! They hastily picked locusts from the plates and ate with expressions of complete rapture on their faces.
Yun Ye felt he should make a run for it. Otherwise, when the ministers, princes, consorts, princes, and princesses present came to their senses, his little life wouldn’t be preserved! Li Er would definitely pin this marvelous idea on his head.
Besides, no matter how beautiful a beauty was, once she started vomiting, she probably wouldn’t be very beautiful anymore.