HomeThe Whimsical ReturnChapter 26: Terrifying Etiquette

Chapter 26: Terrifying Etiquette

The carriage stopped after turning past two hills. Servants had already placed low stools beside it, awaiting the passengers’ descent. Xu Jingzong elegantly rested his hand on a servant’s shoulder and stepped down using the stool, appearing frail and delicate throughout – such affectation made Yun Ye somewhat nauseous.

Before the bearded steward waiting to receive Yun Ye could speak, Yun Ye was stunned by the scene before his eyes. He saw a city – a camel city composed of camels. Thousands of camels knelt on the ground, connected by ropes into a massive circle. Behind the camels stood walls constructed from camel hide – sheets of camel skin nailed to enormous logs that looked incredibly sturdy. Being in the grasslands, he couldn’t imagine where they’d found so many logs.

Xu Jingzong was also somewhat entranced. Having lived long in the Central Plains, he had never witnessed desert customs before. The camel city before him left him deeply shocked.

“Honored guests, this is one of our king’s villas. It’s rather crude and cannot compare to the prosperous scenery of the Central Plains – forgive us for making you laugh. However, this camel city does have its uses here in the desert grasslands – it’s absolutely marvelous for blocking wind and sand.”

Yun Ye had no idea where the master of this place had found such a person. Though clearly a barbarian, he spoke the Chang’an dialect better than Yun Ye himself, frequently quoting classical texts while reminiscing about Chang’an’s scenic spots. Some famous Chang’an landmarks Yun Ye was actually hearing about for the first time.

Taking advantage of the steward arranging for sedan chairs, Yun Ye asked Xu Jingzong: “What does ‘viewing the city from Leyou like vegetable plots’ mean? I’ve never even heard of it. Is he from the Great Tang, or am I?”

“Hehe, Marquis Yun, Leyou refers to Leyou Plain. Standing on Leyou Plain and looking at Chang’an, the twelve streets divide Chang’an into neat blocks, very orderly, just like the vegetable plots in farmers’ homes. This scenic view is as famous as the Spring Rain at Qujiang!” Xu Jingzong never passed up an opportunity to show off his learning.

Later we’ll talk about Arabia – I don’t believe you, Old Xu, know about that too. Northwestern people, especially educated ones, had a strong desire for knowledge about Northwestern history. Ever since the government in his previous life opened the archives, rummaging through old papers for dust-covered past events had become a hobby for such people. Yun Ye was quite unfortunate – the auntie at the archives impatiently kicked a burlap sack and told him that what he wanted was in there. If he wanted to find it, he should search himself and not randomly disturb her while she was enjoying a melodrama, crying to her heart’s content.

A whole sack of Northwestern religious evolution history – this wasn’t what Yun Ye wanted at all. He thought about exchanging it, but seeing the auntie crying her eyes out, he abandoned that notion. Having queued for a whole week, he didn’t want to lose his qualification, so he reluctantly started browsing. Unexpectedly, the more he read, the more interesting it became. He read for an entire day until he was chased out when the archives closed.

These barbarians weren’t Arabs or Persians at all, nor were they Turks. Judging by their appearance, hair color, and eye color, they could only be one people – the Nine Surnames of Zhaowu. Legend had it their ancestors were the Yuezhi people. After being annihilated by the Xiongnu, their bloodline became chaotic – they had every hair color and every eye color. From a genetic perspective, the interbreeding was quite messy, yet damn it, the men were handsome and the women beautiful. There was truly no justice in heaven.

“Marquis Yun, they’re merely mixed barbarians of the Nine Surnames. Why be amazed? No matter how good-looking, they’re just mongrels. If you brought one or two home, you’d lose all face before your ancestors. Perhaps without you even speaking, the old matriarch in your household would have them thrown down a well. Just enjoy yourself for now.”

Xu Jingzong was speaking plain truth. Old Zhuang standing beside Yun Ye wore a face full of contempt. No matter how beautiful the young girls passing by were, he didn’t even lift an eyelid.

Li Er’s bloodline probably wasn’t much better than these people’s, right? No wonder the great Shandong clans would rather marry their daughters to commoners than to Li Er. Li Er’s extreme hostility toward the Shandong clans probably originated from this.

The last time Yun Ye had seen a sedan chair was Li Yuan’s. He sat in it while several robust women carried it. Unexpectedly, this time he had the opportunity to ride one himself. The quality was much higher than Li Yuan’s – all beautiful women, but very strong. With a gentle lift, Yun Ye floated forward – yes, floated. He felt not the slightest bump. No wonder Li Yuan liked riding them so much.

“Marquis Yun, don’t think carrying a sedan chair is simple. Having strength isn’t enough for this work. During daily training, they must place a bowl filled to the brim with water on the sedan chair. Whether going uphill or down steps, not a single drop from the bowl may spill – only then are they considered qualified.” Xu Jingzong’s attentiveness was finally appreciated. This old fellow’s skill at reading people’s expressions could be called number one under heaven.

The ground inside the camel city had clearly been tamped solid – flat as a mirror, without a single weed visible. In the center, a pavilion had been constructed from timber, raised more than three feet off the ground. The entire pavilion was wrapped in brocade, making it look more like a candy box – a dizzying array of colors.

Xu Jingzong stroked his stubble and said: “In the past, Shi Chong and Wang Kai competed in lavishness. Shi Chong once hung brocade on trees for fifty li and was already called extravagant. This place’s master dressing the pavilion is wonderfully similar to hanging brocade on trees. I, Xu Jingzong, am fortunate today to witness such human extravagance – truly thanks to Marquis Yun’s blessing. In such a wealthy land, even death would bring no regrets.”

Old Zhuang caressed the gemstone decorations on the sedan chair, also dazzled.

Only Yun Ye – yes, only Yun Ye – nearly laughed out loud seeing these ostentatious decorations. This was supposed to be luxury? Wrapping silk around a building was considered grand? The descendants of later generations must never know, or they’d be laughed to death. Country bumpkins! Couldn’t-be-more-country bumpkins! If the earlier slave deaths to invite guests, white camels delivering messages, young women warming feet with their chests, the camel city, and sedan chairs had surprised Yun Ye, this country bumpkin building wrapped in silk gave Yun Ye tremendous confidence. No matter how much airs the master put on, he was just a rather large country bumpkin.

A faint mockery appeared on his face, which secretly shocked the bearded steward. Such wealth, yet this marquis only found it ordinary, even looked down upon it somewhat. He wondered what changes had occurred in Chang’an during the dozen years since he’d left.

Yun Ye saw a young girl lying on a large wooden board, dirty, with a leather strap wedged in her mouth. She wore only a garment like a burlap sack. Her head was fixed in a wooden clamp, her whole body constantly trembling. Beside her stood two burly men – one drawing lines on the girl’s forehead with ink, the other holding a chisel, continuously gesturing at the girl’s head, seemingly about to chisel open her skull.

“Honored guest, you’ve come from afar. My master is ill and cannot come out to greet you. To make up for this breach of etiquette, he wishes to welcome you with our clan’s highest ceremony – the virgin’s skull cup.”

Yun Ye’s gall bladder nearly surged up. Something from medieval Europe was already appearing now? Legend told of those decadent, aged nobles who, to prolong their lives, used virgin skull caps as their drinking vessels, supposedly for longevity. Most terrifying was that the skull caps were taken alive from people’s heads. Skull cups and Tibetan human-skin scriptures had long been notorious in later generations, forever nailed to history’s pillar of shame as humanity’s disgrace.

Yun Ye kept vomiting, struggling to tell Old Zhuang: “Stop them.”

Under the curious gazes of the steward and Xu Jingzong, Yun Ye tumbled from the sedan chair and ran toward the girl. He truly didn’t have the courage to commit such evil.

Old Zhuang had already knocked the two burly men unconscious with the back of his blade and was untying the girl’s ropes. Yun Ye hurried to help remove the leather strap from her mouth. As soon as it was removed – her head still clamped – the girl burst into loud sobs. The voice was familiar. Looking carefully, it was the shepherd girl.

She was terrified, clutching Yun Ye’s arm and refusing to let go, trembling all over, her two rows of teeth constantly chattering, making clicking sounds. In the cold weather, sweat had soaked through the cloth piece on her body. Yun Ye removed his cloak and draped it over her. He snatched the horizontal blade from Old Zhuang’s hands and struck heavily at the necks of the two men lying on the ground. Blood spurted, yet not a drop touched him – the bearded steward had blocked the spraying blood with his own cloak.

“I killed your men. You’re not angry?” Yun Ye exhaled and asked the steward.

“Honored guest, I can see this is your first time killing. You have a heart as kind as an angel’s. This is virtue and should not be condemned, but praised and celebrated. My master instructed that within the camel city, you enjoy the same authority as he does.” He finished with a bow, appearing humble, though the cold gleam in his eyes had long betrayed him.

“Tell me your master’s name, steward. From the very beginning, you set a trap for me, forcing me step by step to jump in. Is this your household’s way of receiving guests?”

People’s bearing changes with their environment and upbringing. These days of living as a superior had already trained him into someone in authority, and his questioning carried real威严.

A hoarse voice came from inside the pavilion.

“Marquis Yun, don’t blame us. My identity truly cannot be seen. I acted out of necessity due to confusion in my heart. Now that Marquis Yun has graced us with your presence, why not come upstairs to talk? Why bother with those lowly people? If Marquis Yun is dissatisfied, feel free to kill them.”

Seeing Yun Ye’s angry expression and thinking of his own life, Xu Jingzong called out loudly: “Just now, Marquis Yun simply couldn’t bear to see brutal killing. That woman is also an old acquaintance of Marquis Yun, which is why he lost his composure somewhat. The wise master’s etiquette is thorough, making us feel completely at home. How could we offend further?”

The building remained silent, seemingly unwilling to converse with Xu Jingzong. The steward bowed even lower, his palm gesturing an invitation to go upstairs, as if pleading.

Yun Ye was not Du Yu – he couldn’t bring himself to demand the master kill his servants. Shaking his head, he stepped toward the stairs. The shepherd girl followed closely but was blocked by the steward. Yun Ye looked at the shepherd girl and told the steward: “Take her to wash properly and get her warm clothes, then send her up.”

The shepherd girl’s eyes were full of pleading. She didn’t dare leave Yun Ye, afraid that once he left, those people would use the chisel to dig into her head again.

Yun Ye spent a long time consoling her with gentle words. Only after having Old Zhuang accompany her did she reluctantly leave with the steward, looking back with every three steps.

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