HomeThe Whimsical ReturnChapter 03: Immortal's Nonsense

Chapter 03: Immortal’s Nonsense

As a great general, Li Jing was qualified. As a merchant, he was clumsy. If a Persian merchant brought a thousand jin of goods from distant Central Asia, and those thousand jin of goods were exchanged for a thousand jin of copper coins, he would lose so badly he couldn’t even afford pants. One string of copper coins weighed a full eight jin—a thousand jin of goods would only exchange for one hundred twenty-five strings of cash. Even He Shao wouldn’t do such business, let alone those Persian merchant princes as shrewd as ghosts.

The small barrel of grape wine Yun Ye had given Li Jing was worth no less than ten strings. That small barrel of wine, including the wooden cask, weighed only about ten jin. So in this transaction, Li Jing had severely swindled those auxiliary soldiers.

However, the auxiliary soldiers didn’t care. Watching He Shao take out a huge balance scale, hooking goods on one side and using bags to hold copper coins on the other—whenever the goods and bags were of equal weight, the auxiliary soldiers would cheerfully load the goods onto carts and place the copper coins behind themselves.

Yun Ye quietly opened a goods sack and saw it was filled with benzoin. This substance was an excellent raw material for making incense and also a precious medicinal herb. Sun Simiao had some. Last time Yun Ye had a stomachache, he’d grudgingly given Yun Ye just a tiny bit. After taking it mixed with medicine, his stomach immediately stopped hurting—Yun Ye had a deep impression of it. This large sack weighed a full hundred-some jin. Buying it for over ten strings of cash was practically no different from finding it for free.

The auxiliary soldiers were very generous. Seeing that the copper coins were gone but more than ten sacks of goods remained, with a wave of their hands they gave everything to He Shao. They’d seen generous people before, but never anyone this generous—thousands of strings of cash casually given away.

The prodigal son was kicked countless times by General Li and only dared to lie on the ground groaning, not daring to make excuses. Although in his heart he scorned General Li’s pettiness, on the surface he wore an expression of grateful appreciation.

He Shao now didn’t have a single wen left. Even his ancestral jade pendant had been pawned to Li Jing before he could get all those goods into his hands. While bundling the goods, Sun Simiao, Tang Jian, and Xu Jingzong were strolling about. Old Sun kept sniffing, following the scent until he quickly found the benzoin. Opening the sack, his eyes went straight. Without a word, he hoisted it onto his shoulder and returned to his ox cart. He Shao didn’t dare stop him, watching helplessly as Sun Simiao robbed him in broad daylight.

Sun Simiao wasn’t the only bandit. Tang Jian hugged a large piece of agate and turned to run. Xu Jingzong was quite interested in glassware. He tossed He Shao a few wen, grabbed a glass covered bowl, and went chasing after Tang Jian.

General Li was finally happy, playing with He Shao’s family’s ancestral jade pendant in his hands, celebrating with the auxiliary soldiers that he’d made a fortune.

The next day the convoy continued forward. The grasslands were gradually left behind. The road ahead gradually became narrower. Fortunately, the auxiliary soldiers had obtained huge sums of money. Each person carried thirty or forty jin of copper coins on their backs but didn’t utter a single complaint. Whenever they encountered places the four-wheeled carriage couldn’t pass, they used shovels to level both sides. General Li didn’t even need to get off his carriage—these excited auxiliary soldiers solved the problem.

Gou Zi swore he would marry three wives: one to make shoes for him, one to talk with him, and one to bear children for him. As for how to bear children, he just said they had to sleep together. As for how sleeping could produce children, he knew nothing at all. But no matter—there was plenty of time to learn. Now he had three bundles, and the wealth in each bundle was enough to marry one wife.

Only upon entering Great Tang territory did Yun Ye finally breathe a sigh of relief. The general’s triumphant return naturally received a grand reception. Tang Jian and Xu Jingzong, surrounded by local officials in Yunzhong, sang songs and composed poetry, living as carefree as immortals.

Yun Ye didn’t participate in these gatherings. He shut himself alone in a room preparing materials for his meeting with Tian Xiangzi. He used detailed writing to record what he knew about the Arctic, and made special notes about the Arctic aurora—that thing wasn’t divine light, don’t chase after it, or you’d fall into ice crevasses. Writing to this point, he somewhat wanted to go to the Arctic to see the aurora. Shaking his head, he drove this thought from his mind. With current conditions, going to that primordial wasteland would truly be an excellent method of suicide. Tian Xiangzi and his group weren’t stupid—they were overly clever. Clever people always had thoughts different from others. Obsession was these people’s characteristic. Fantastic ideas plus obsession—if it were other matters, they would have succeeded long ago. Unfortunately, they’d chosen a dead end that could never succeed.

Feeling that Tian Xiangzi would come find him in the next few days, as it turned out, he didn’t appear. Yun Ye left Yunzhong with confusion.

With fewer people, the ecological environment was better. Ancient trees lined both sides of the mountain path. The early spring forest was full of vitality everywhere. Having eaten almost no green vegetables for an entire winter, seeing the tender shoots just emerging on the grassland, Yun Ye drooled with desire.

Bitter greens, wolfberry roots, purslane, chickweed—though still in sprout form, almost invisible on the ground surface, digging deep with a shovel would uncover white, tender, juicy roots and stems. After digging a basketful, blanching them lightly in boiling water, adding Sichuan pepper and chili, crushing several cloves of garlic, pouring on scalding hot bean oil—that refreshing fragrance was intoxicating. Shanxi had produced good vinegar since ancient times. Heating the vinegar in a pot until boiling, drizzling it over the wild vegetables, taking one bite—truly, one wouldn’t trade this even for being an immortal.

Eating alone wasn’t good. Dividing one basin of wild vegetables into several plates, he had guards deliver them to Li Jing, Tang Jian, and the others. He himself carried a plate to Sun Simiao’s ox cart. The old Daoist had been feeling unwell these past days. According to him, cold wind had entered his bones. Unable to understand traditional medicine terminology, seeing his runny nose and tears, Yun Ye just considered it a cold.

Actually, this was a reaction to vitamin deficiency. The grassland winter was extremely long. This winter, Sun Simiao, like Yun Ye, had only eaten large quantities of meat. Though tea could barely relieve some of the meat’s greasiness, Sun Simiao spent most of his time eating vegetarian food. On the grasslands, it was impossible not to eat meat. His body needed vitamin supplementation even more than Yun Ye’s. Sure enough, when Old Sun saw the green, fresh vegetables, his appetite immediately opened wide. The rice he’d just been eating listlessly, he now ate two bowls in one breath.

Being able to eat was a good thing. Toward Sun Simiao, Yun Ye felt an affection similar to that for a family member.

Every day when the convoy rested, digging wild vegetables became everyone’s new hobby. Even if they weren’t as delicious as what Marquis Yun made, putting them in soup cakes, green vegetables mixed with white noodles, was pleasing to the eye. Those who ate one bowl would eat a bit more upon seeing green vegetables.

The Yellow River had just thawed. Huge ice blocks floated and sank in the river water. This was the Yellow River’s most dangerous time. No ferry crossing dared launch boats at this time. Local officials had to remain constantly vigilant. At narrow places and bends, they had to dispatch extra personnel to monitor. If huge ice blocks accumulated in these places, they would quickly form an ice dam. The ice dam would block the river channel, and the continuously flowing river water would overflow the embankments, causing floods. Common people on both banks of the Yellow River encountered this once or twice every few years. This kind of flood disaster was almost unsolvable. Aside from dredging the river channel and letting large ice blocks flow downstream to melt naturally, Great Tang had almost no way to deal with it.

Standing by the river, one could see Hancheng County of Guannei Circuit. Upon reaching there, they would officially enter Guanzhong. He didn’t believe Tian Xiangzi had the guts to step into Guanzhong. Even Xi Tong needed to conceal his identity when going to Guanzhong. Once a dangerous person like Tian Xiangzi was discovered by the court, he would face relentless pursuit unto death. The Hundred Riders’ prestige still had a certain deterrent force.

Xi Tong stood under a large tree supporting an elder whose hair and beard were completely white. The elder wore hemp clothes and straw sandals, but on his head wore a golden crown studded with gems. A longan-sized pearl protruded from the top of the golden crown, faintly showing flowing radiance. The elder’s face was covered with deep brown age spots, and his eyes were also cloudy. This was completely an elder on his last legs. The luxurious golden crown, whitened hemp clothes, and golden-yellow straw sandals worn on this old man appeared incomparably harmonious.

Yun Ye touched his own shabby golden crown, which only had a red pompom on top. The crown was even hollow. At the time, when Grandmother was having someone forge the golden crown, he’d disliked solid ones as too heavy. Now looking at it, it was truly rather embarrassing.

This morning upon rising, there was an invitation on the table. Aside from the delivery method being disagreeable, everything else was very polite. The characters on the invitation were ancient and vigorous—one could see this was the master’s own hand.

Since the other party was so formal, Yun Ye needed to treat them courteously. He was long past being a newcomer to this place. Two years of official career had already molded a simple commoner from the later era into a class-conscious feudal landlord. Meeting him in official robes was inappropriate—he could only use the most magnificent regular clothes. This was a kind of respect for Tian Xiangzi.

Tian Xiangzi spoke very little. Perhaps his physical strength was insufficient. Just an ordinary courtesy meeting made his chest heave unevenly. Under the tree was a very large mat covered with thick blankets. With Xi Tong’s help, Tian Xiangzi sat behind a low table, cupped his hands toward Yun Ye and said, “I’ve been remiss toward Marquis Yun. A wilderness dweller has nothing good to offer for hospitality. Only a bit of fruit is presentable. Please partake, Marquis Yun.”

Yun Ye had long been drooling over the large peaches and pears on the plate before him. Hearing Tian Xiangzi say this, how could he still restrain himself? Grabbing a peach, he bit into it. The moisture was abundant, but it wasn’t very sweet—standard greenhouse fruit. After two bites, he curled his lip and put it down.

“Hehe, mere winter fruits truly don’t catch Marquis Yun’s eye. Upon arriving in Chang’an, Marquis Yun began cultivating winter vegetables. Presumably these fruits are also ordinary consumables for you?”

“These are merely minor techniques. The Yun family’s off-season vegetables are just a dowry gift this humble one gave to his younger sister at home. As long as the temperature is suitable, it really can’t be considered miraculous. Why does the old gentleman use these things to test Yun? Though young, I am still a person whose word is as weighty as nine bronze tripods. Having promised something, how could there be reason to go back on it?”

“This old man is ashamed—measuring a gentleman’s heart with a petty person’s mind. I hope Marquis Yun will forgive me. Immortal families treasure their treasures—this is a principle unchanged for ten thousand years. Why is it that when it comes to Marquis Yun, you discard them like worn shoes? This old man has pondered endlessly but cannot comprehend. I hope Marquis Yun will enlighten me.” When asking this question, Tian Xiangzi suddenly sat upright. His cloudy old eyes instantly became bright and penetrating, as if wanting to see through Yun Ye completely.

“The treasure in your heart took away my teacher’s life. Now because of this so-called treasure, it has almost threatened the safety of my family. Such a treasure—better to do without it. What you regard as treasure, I view as mortal enemy. If you want it, take it. I only need a detailed map. On your journey seeking immortality, you might as well record the surrounding environment and mineral deposits one by one. Return and deliver them to me. I only want to know what exists on that land, whether it’s suitable for common people to survive. That information is my treasure. As for the immortal theory, you’re free to pursue it.”

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