HomeThe Whimsical ReturnChapter 57: Watching the Joke

Chapter 57: Watching the Joke

Dou San was suspended from a wooden frame, covered in wounds, his hands and feet twitching involuntarily. Blood dripped down, pooling into a small lake beneath his feet. After filling the small depression, the surface tension was so great that it rose above the surrounding small mounds of earth, gleaming with an eerie light under the dim yellow lamplight.

The blood continued dripping down, finally breaking through the surface tension. Like a red snake, it meandered downward. Hong Cheng stood there, allowing this blood snake to gnaw at his boots. He only stared at Dou San’s eyes. This was not a strong man. When they pulled out his fingernails, he would cry out, scream, and soil himself with urine and feces. Yet he still wouldn’t talk. Apart from begging for mercy, the coward displayed every expected behavior. Hong Cheng always felt he was about to break through his final defense, yet Dou San remained unchanged—weeping, wailing, but never opening his mouth.

Over these years, Hong Cheng had killed many people and tortured quite a few. Many who were considered iron men in public had become like mud in his hands. The Dou San before him stirred a trace of respect in him.

This thought only flashed momentarily before vanishing without a trace. Thinking of His Majesty’s iron-dark countenance, his entire body trembled. Failing to complete the task His Majesty had assigned—he dared not even imagine the consequences.

This extremely sudden attack—the Baiqisi had received not a single piece of intelligence. Until the moment the fires ignited, he had been gloating with schadenfreude, thinking this natural disaster would let him watch the Golden Guards make fools of themselves. Who would have thought the flames would multiply more and more? If even now he still didn’t understand this was an attack, His Majesty could have beheaded him long ago.

His first priority was protecting the imperial palace. Baiqisi secret agents filled the Imperial City. Hong Cheng could only come immediately to beg forgiveness. He hadn’t slept all night, hadn’t taken a drop of water, and hoarsely asked Dou San once again: “Who are you? Who is the mastermind? Who sent you? Speak up, and this master will give you a quick death, so you no longer suffer this piecemeal torture.”

Dou San hung his head, not speaking. The latest round of torture had exhausted his strength. His head was completely blank. From his hands and feet came waves of burning hot pain. His ears buzzed as if thousands of bees were flying about.

A bucket of ice-cold well water was splashed over his head. His entire body shuddered. He raised his swollen head and looked at Hong Cheng through his sealed eyes, mumbling incoherently: “Kill me, kill me.”

Only by putting his ear close to Dou San’s mouth could Hong Cheng make out these three words. His heart filled with disappointment. This was a death warrior—seeking only death, not life. A subordinate hurried in and whispered two sentences in his ear. Hong Cheng’s eyes immediately brightened, his confidence surging.

Using his whip to lift Dou San’s head, he said with a smile: “Dou San, do you think just because you don’t talk, the Baiqisi has no way of knowing who you are? Best of all, you actually still have a wife and child living on an estate outside the city. We’ll send someone to invite them here. If you won’t talk, no matter—we’ll see if the mother and child know anything.”

Dou San’s body began shaking violently. He had concealed this from his wife and child precisely to leave them a large sum of money, allowing his descendants to escape servitude. His child, though only five years old, was born clever and bright. Standing by the young master’s window, he could memorize so many passages. Even the teacher felt regret for him, lamenting that he was only a servant. If he were a free man, even a poor family’s child, the teacher would accept him as a disciple. Future glory for the family could be anticipated. For half his muddled life, Dou San had for the first time felt utterly weary of his servant status that at least guaranteed food and drink.

The new family head, Dou Zhong, had refused his wish to redeem his son and taken away his years of savings. One sentence—”A servant is a servant. If you want to become human, try the next life”—had shattered all his beautiful hopes, until the young master’s arrival.

An old friend of the Dou family had taken a liking to Dou San’s son and also took Dou San’s wife back with him, re-registering them with the authorities. All this was done before Dou San’s eyes. Finally, the young master gave Dou San thirty strings of cash to settle his family. When he saw his son respectfully bow to the teacher and take him as master, he felt he could die. Death wasn’t as terrifying as he’d imagined.

Now, after coming full circle, everything had returned to the starting point. This was more frightening to him than death. He roared: “I beg you, don’t go looking for them. Just let them live well. They know nothing. Whatever you want to know, I’ll tell you.”

Hong Cheng laughed and breathed a long sigh of relief. Every person has weaknesses. Death warriors don’t care about their own lives but will care about others’ lives—family members, for instance. This was truly ironic enough.

“The Great Tang’s laws don’t include killing your wife and child—at most they’ll be made servants. If you obediently tell everything, this master will fish your wife and child back out and register them. You ask around—Old Hong always means what he says, his spit could smash a hole in the ground. You’re definitely dead—even the King of Heaven can’t save you. This master’s promise is just this much. You decide.”

Dou San finally told everything, even his own conjectures. Only after pressing his fingerprint did Hong Cheng feel exhausted, hungry, and thirsty. Yet he dared not slacken even slightly, hurrying toward Taiji Palace.

“The mastermind is Dou Yanshan? Didn’t he die?” Li Er looked at the confession. Seeing Hong Cheng only kowtow, not daring to speak.

He suddenly asked again: “The Yun family was also burned?”

“In response to Your Majesty, the Yun family was a severely affected area. Four people threw torches at their house, along with fire oil, sulfur, and saltpeter. They burned most severely, with only two stable sheds remaining. However, the Yun family performed well during the fire disaster. The steward let the water pumps first save small households, only saving the Yun family last.” After learning the mastermind was Dou Yanshan, Hong Cheng knew the Yun family being burned was truly to be expected.

“That youngster probably long ago guessed Dou Yanshan was still alive. Ke’er reported that when cleaning the old Dou family residence, they discovered a secret chamber with numerous claw marks. After Yun Ye looked, he hurried back to Yushan and thereafter never left the Yun household.”

“He even hauled back everything from the city residence under the pretext of getting married. Seems he prepared long ago for being attacked. He also dug up large quantities of treasure from the Dou family ruins. Little rascal, you watch Our joke? Then We’ll also watch yours once. We have Heaven’s help—Heaven sent heavy rain to extinguish the great fire. Wonder what method you’ll use to deal with Dou Yanshan. Will the Dou family let you, this chief culprit, off?”

After Li Er finished speaking, he laughed heartily, then said to Hong Cheng: “You’re not permitted to tip him off, otherwise three offenses will be punished together.”

When Hong Cheng emerged from Taiji Palace, the sun had already risen high. His vision was somewhat blurred. He ducked into the imperial kitchen and demanded a large bowl of congee and two chickens. Squatting in the sunlight, he ate voraciously. Halfway through, he raised his head toward the sun and said: “Brother Yun, it’s not that your brother won’t help you—it’s that imperial commands cannot be defied. You immortals are fighting—a fool like your brother really can’t get involved. Take care of yourself.”

After speaking, his mood seemed much improved. He shouted toward the kitchen again: “Bring me a pot of wine!”

Uncle Liu sat in the cart sent from the estate and told Chief Steward Qian Tong everything about last night in clear detail. After hearing Uncle Liu’s account, Qian Tong patted his shoulder and said: “Old Liu, you’re truly capable. I didn’t recommend you to the household’s Old Matriarch in vain. This matter was handled extremely well. After returning to the residence, I’ll request merit for you from the Old Matriarch.”

Old Liu smiled so much he couldn’t speak. The Yun family’s rewards were always generous. Chief Steward Qian Tong had long since ceased being a servant, and neither were his wife and children. His own family had several hundred mu of farmland and several tenant households. Life was comfortable. Yet he himself stubbornly changed his status to servant. The Old Matriarch urged him several times to change back, but he refused. He even made himself a perpetual bondservant. Seemed he didn’t plan to leave the Yun family.

This would be impossible in other households. Servants in other households had the greatest hope of becoming free men. Only Yun family servants didn’t seem to care. Current life was much more comfortable than those free men who needed to pay taxes. Only people without sense wanted to leave the household gates to seek suffering.

Some days ago, several maids in the household reached marriageable age and were all matched with prosperous families on the estates. No one looked down on them. Taking them home, they were all served like young mistresses. Nothing else—just because these maids were familiar with the young ladies, young mistresses, and Old Matriarch of the residence. They could often take on work from the residence. Calculating it out, it was more worthwhile than scraping by in the fields year-round. Not to mention they were all of pure, unblemished bodies. The several households that married them were grinning from ear to ear.

On the road, they weren’t the only group. The Yun family’s Chang’an maids sitting in ox carts were quite excited, their voices inevitably growing louder. They’d all been cooped up in Chang’an until they went crazy. Now able to go to the Yun family estate, each one loudly discussed which master they might be assigned to serve.

In fact, Yun family masters needed no choosing—none mistreated servants. As long as you didn’t serve the Young Miss, it was a blessing. The Young Miss’s notorious reputation was merely that she kept an enormous pig and treasured that pig. Rather than saying you served the Young Miss, better to say you were assigned to serve that fat pig. So the maids were all unwilling to follow her. The Young Miss’s maids always changed. That pig reportedly most loved butting people, sending them tumbling head over heels with one butt.

They were discussing the Yun family, not noticing an ox cart following not far behind them. Driving the cart was a man in his thirties wearing a bamboo hat, straddling the cart shaft as if concentrating on driving.

Five hundred strings of cash was the reward for finishing off Yun Ye. Chang’an’s wandering knights-errant and some good fellows who specialized in capital-free business all flocked to it like ducks. Just finishing off any master of the Yun household would earn one hundred strings of cash.

This cart driver was a wandering knight-errant. Having accepted a fifty-string deposit, he drove the ox cart to the Yun family estate to try his luck. The current convoy contained no Yun family masters—the highest-ranking was merely a steward. Who would pay one hundred strings of copper cash to kill a steward? So he inconspicuously followed behind the Yun family’s ox cart, waiting for an opportunity.

He could run fastest and had been given the nickname “Gust of Wind.” As long as he succeeded, he believed he could escape encirclement. He’d done this sort of thing before—never once failed.

Halfway to the Yun estate was a small tea stand. Selling tea was a blind old woman. The Yun family had taught the tea-making craft to the blind woman and her son. Her son was quite a spirited young fellow. If not for having a blind old mother needing care, he would have long since gone out to make his way in the world.

From the maids’ flushed faces, one could see how popular this neatly groomed and clean young man was with the girls.

“Gou Zi, bring some tea water—terribly thirsty!” Qian Tong loudly greeted the young man. The young fellow flashed his white teeth in a smile and walked over carrying a teapot.

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