Two mountains flanked a gully, with the sun on the other side of the mountain. Although the mountain path was rugged, it didn’t impede the progress of the carriages. This was part of an ancient road from the pre-Qin era. It was these small paths crisscrossing everywhere that gave the Guanzhong Plain tremendous freedom of movement, but also brought great security concerns to Chang’an. Once through Hangu Pass, the thousand-mile plain had no natural defenses left to guard.

The ancient saying that Qin soldiers were hardy in battle was inaccurate. Qin soldiers had their moments of collapse too, such as during the An-Shi Rebellion. A hundred years of comfortable living would erode everyone’s soul and even body. Wanting to use one person’s strength as a natural barrier—this was the deepest dream in the hearts of monarchs throughout the dynasties. Unfortunately, such dreams were shattered time and again, becoming jokes throughout history.

In this kind of natural singing hall, it would be a disservice to oneself not to sing a few lines. Recalling how Xinyue had been singing something to him these past days—”The peacock flies southeast, lingering every five miles”—singing until she made herself cry. What an idiot, moved by her own performance. After crying, she still had the face to wipe her snot and ask, if she jumped into Clear Pool, would Yun Ye hang himself from the southeast branch?

“That won’t happen. There’s no Clear Pool near our home. If you jump off Eagle’s Beak Cliff without a parachute, you’d achieve the same purpose. I definitely won’t hang myself from the southeast branch, nor the northwest branch either. After giving you a grand burial, I’ll immediately marry another beautiful wife. I’ll let her use your mirror, wear your new clothes, eat your fine food, and then strip away your imperial decree. Haha, life would be endlessly joyful.”

Hearing these words, Xinyue immediately stopped crying. Instead, she jumped on Yun Ye’s back scratching and clawing, finally even biting him. She couldn’t be pulled off. That evening she ate an entire steamer basket of shaomai by herself—where was even half a thought of seeking death?

Women were like that. Those always thinking about suicide were just fools with no hope in life. Xinyue never was. Even if Yun Ye died, she was the kind of woman who would live on strongly. Wailing and playing the victim wasn’t her nature. Back then, after only meeting Yun Ye once, she decisively married herself over to him. She was confident in her ability to judge people. Suicide? Even if everyone in the world died, she would still live well. How could a great family function without such a woman to support it?

It was all that damned Li Anlan’s fault. Once she became pregnant, Xinyue’s pressure increased a thousandfold. With pressure came anxiety, and when she became anxious, Yun Ye’s hard days arrived. Even livestock breeding only took a dozen days or so, yet Yun Ye had to perform nightly. In the morning, his waist hurt when riding horses.

Sitting on his horse, he gathered his energy from his core, opened his mouth and sang, “The Yellow River in the sixth month, the ice won’t melt. What twisted me into marrying is my elder. Among the five grains, none are rounder than peas. Among people, none are more pitiful than daughters, oh daughters.”

Not bad—he’d maintained his voice well. He startled Cheng Chumo beside him. Birds in the mountain valley flew up in black clouds, circling and refusing to land. A colorful pheasant that flew up from the grass was knocked dead by Dan Ying with a stone after just a couple of flaps—its head was completely smashed.

Xinyue stuck her head out from the carriage and looked at her husband with surprise, thinking he was having another fit.

“Ye-zi, what were those two lines you just bellowed? Sounds pretty interesting. Tell your brother about it so we can bellow together.” These words made Yun Ye beam with joy. Finally, someone understood what beauty was. He’d long been fed up with the Tang Dynasty’s soft, ancient and melancholic songs. How could they compare to the vigor of folk songs? Besides, walking through mountain gullies without singing folk songs—should he sing “The Peacock Flies Southeast” instead?

“That’s right, little brother will teach you. This song is called ‘Faith in Heaven’s Journey.’ It’s a song for men to sing—very vigorous. Let me teach you. These lyrics…” Yun Ye ignored Niu Jianhu’s disdainful gaze and muttered with Cheng Chumo for a while, then the two bellowed together.

“I stand on the mountain ridge, you stand in the river gully. Meeting is easy, but talking is hard. It pains my heart so, wave your hand.”

The knights nearby all moved far away from the two, taking their bows and arrows in hand, afraid they might attract some fierce beast that would hurt people. The two enjoyed themselves immensely, singing and laughing. After hearing it twice, Yun San also opened his throat to bellow. After all, he believed everything the marquis knew was high-class stuff.

Singing could also bring trouble. Who would have thought they’d encounter bandits less than a hundred miles from Luoyang? With the sound of a wooden clapper, two riders sprang out from both sides of the road. The small trees around them shook wildly, as if hiding thousands of troops.

The leader, a fat man riding a horse not much bigger than a donkey, shouted loudly, “Halt! Listen up, you corrupt official ahead! I planted this tree, I opened this road. If you want to pass through, leave behind your toll!”

“Leave your money and this lord will spare your lives. Otherwise, we’ll kill but not bury you.” After speaking, he waved a huge thick-backed mountain-cleaving saber. The other one shook two hammers bigger than human heads in demonstration.

Old Jiang looked at the chain hammer the size of a melon at his waist, then at the absurdly large hammers in the strong man’s hands. He shook his head and said to Yun Ye, “My lord, are you planning to steam or braise these two bastards?”

Yun Ye didn’t speak. He turned his head to look at Dan Ying. Cheng Chumo and Niu Jianhu also turned to look. Finally, everyone looked at Dan Ying in unison. Dan Ying’s face turned as red as cloth.

Under everyone’s gaze, Dan Ying just wanted to flee like a rat. It was too embarrassing, too embarrassing for the bandit underworld! Today’s travelers were three families of martial marquises. The servants had long been worldly-wise. The stone lions at home were always being moved around like stone locks by drunk old masters and young masters. Didn’t he see that even the maids were sticking their heads out to see what living bandits looked like? Dozens of guards had already drilled into the forest to find his so-called thousands of troops. And you’re still using wooden weapons to deceive people!

He wanted to tear these two bastards apart. Too embarrassing! Last night he was still bragging to Yun Ye, Cheng Chumo, and Niu Jianhu about how the bandit underworld had hidden dragons and crouching tigers, how they were so honorable, how their word was worth a thousand gold pieces, how they treated single-handedly killing thieves as routine, traveling thousands of miles for a head, ten thousand miles to military expeditions—that was generosity! His words had barely fallen when these two blockheads appeared. Couldn’t they see the donkey under their crotch had trembling legs and couldn’t even support such heavy weapons?

Before Dan Ying could act, Old Jiang’s chain hammer flew out. The bandit with the big saber didn’t even have time to dodge and could only block with his saber. With a crack, the big saber was smashed to pieces. The chain hammer’s momentum didn’t decrease, hitting the bandit’s chest with a clang. The bandit didn’t even stop before tumbling off his horse, his mouth full of blood.

Seeing this, the strong man with the hammers shouted, “Second brother!” He threw down his hammers, dismounted, hoisted up the injured bandit and prepared to run. Guards who had circled around from behind drew their sabers, ready to cut down these two fellows.

The strong man with the hammers put down his brother, knelt on the ground holding his head and kept shouting, “My brother is sick! If you’re going to kill someone, kill me! It was my idea! Kill me, don’t kill my brother! I’m the mastermind!”

Seeing that Yun Ye had no intention of killing these two bastards, the guards found rope and tied up these two fellows. Old Jiang scratched his sparse hair and walked over. He rummaged in the injured bandit’s chest and pulled out a broken chest guard. Only then did he nod satisfactorily and say to Yun Ye, “My lord, I was just wondering how this fellow took a blow from me and didn’t die. Turns out he had a chest guard blocking it.”

The guards who had searched the forest also came out, leading four or five sheep. They said to Yun Ye, “My lord, there’s no one in the forest. These are just two petty bandits. They tied sheep to four or five small trees. As long as the sheep kicked, the trees would shake, pretending to be hidden troops. Pretty clever.”

The servants and maids in the convoy immediately burst into laughter, each laughing until they could barely stand. Even breathless laughter came from the large Yun family carriage. The three women inside were probably dying of laughter.

Dan Ying’s face was as black as the bottom of a pot. With a kick, a huge hammer fell into his hand. He casually swung it a couple times—the whooshing wind sound was quite frightening. If they hadn’t encountered these three families, other escort agencies and guards would probably have abandoned their goods and fled in panic.

Yun Ye also picked up one—at most a dozen pounds. Interesting. These were two clever bandits. In these times, there weren’t many people who used their brains to rob. No killing power meant these two fellows hadn’t killed anyone. The scene of brotherly affection just now was touching. Talents! The Yun family needed such clever people.

Behind a large tree was also a flatbed cart. The guards hitched the horses the two had been riding to pull the cart. The two bandits were bound hand and foot and thrown on the flatbed, following along with the convoy.

This was a novelty—they’d seen living bandits! The young Yun family maids had never seen bandits before. They’d only heard that they were monsters with red eyes and green eyebrows. Now the marquis had caught two live ones—how could they not look? One by one, using the excuse of bringing water to the bandits, they all came to see what bandits looked like, so they could go home and tell their other sisters about their strange encounter.

One person bringing water—Qi Cheng felt this was a good thing. Having tender white little hands feed him water was pure enjoyment. He really wanted to take a bite to see if he could bite out water. That was until more than a dozen maids had all fed him water in turn. His belly was bulging and he never wanted to see beautiful women again. Some bold maids even tugged at his beard to see if it was real. He bared his teeth and bellowed twice, scaring the maids into squealing as they ran back. Then he got beaten soundly by the maids’ admirers.

Thirty miles from Luoyang, they found a place with water and backed by mountains to set up camp. The two bandits’ names were also figured out. One was called Qi Cheng with the courtesy name Mudeng, the other Ma Ci with the courtesy name Gala. No one knew why they gave themselves such strange courtesy names, but they fit their status well. Hearing their courtesy names, Yun Ye was quite satisfied with his own courtesy name Buqi.

They were street thugs from beside the Tianjin Bridge in the Western Capital Luoyang, specializing in swindling and cheating for a living. Some days ago they were driven out of the Western Capital by the local bully Long San, who threatened that if the two brothers appeared in the Western Capital, he’d sever their hand and foot tendons to use them as begging signs.

Having no choice, the two spent all their savings to outfit themselves with these getups. Who would have thought it wouldn’t matter if they ran into idiots?

“Master, if you want to tour the Western Capital, let me guide you. Which brothel has the best girls, which songstress sings the best tunes, which dancing girl has the most flexible waist—I know it all. I guarantee you won’t want to leave.”

“You know to give yourself a courtesy name and know the phrase ‘won’t want to leave.’ Qi Cheng, where did your learning come from?” Yun Ye asked with a smile.