HomeThe Whimsical ReturnChapter 06: Li Tai Seeks Guidance

Chapter 06: Li Tai Seeks Guidance

The problem with feudal society is its fondness for indiscriminately chopping off people’s heads. This thing isn’t like a lizard’s tail that can grow back after falling off.

Thinking of that treasure made Yun Ye’s heart ache like it was being cut by a knife. The Mountain of Light—that was the name Yun Ye had given it. A fist-sized diamond that, when placed under the sun, reflected light so brilliantly it was blinding. It was a tribal treasure that they would bring out every spring to worship the sun. To make the diamond reflect sunlight a few more times, they had painstakingly ground several crude facets into it.

When Hong Cheng heard about this, he salivated with desire. He surrounded the entire village with his men and demanded they hand over the gemstone, offering two carts of hemp cloth in exchange. Otherwise, he would slaughter them all and take it himself.

The power of faith is formidable. The villagers swallowed hard and refused the temptation of two carts of hemp cloth. The foolish elder even brought out the diamond to empower each warrior, asking the Sun God to bless his warriors with invulnerability to blades and spears, water and fire.

This sealed their fate. Without the need to launch an attack, Hong Cheng’s red-eyed bandits charged forward themselves. Never mind these warriors blessed by the Sun God—Hong Cheng, whose mind was clouded by treasure lust, would have dared to draw his blade even against the Sun God himself at that moment.

Facts proved that the Sun God was no match for the God of Wealth. Those warriors fell one after another in the rain of arrows. The crossbows of the Great Tang were not something that native warriors wrapped in a layer of the Sun God’s glory could withstand.

After all the warriors died, the elder stood at the cliff’s edge clutching the diamond, claiming that if Hong Cheng didn’t give him four carts of hemp cloth, he would jump off with the diamond. After some haggling, they settled on three carts of hemp cloth.

Under the dazed gazes of the Great Tang bandits, the elder triumphantly handed the diamond to Hong Cheng and led the remaining few warriors home dragging three carts of hemp cloth. The large carts were thrown in as extras. Needless to say, after some time passed, stories would spread about how wise the native elder was—how he had traded a mere stone for three whole carts of hemp cloth, and now everyone had new clothes to wear. As for the twenty or thirty warriors who died, they were merely an insignificant embellishment in the elder’s legendary tale.

The more primitive the politics, the more cruel. With fewer sanctimonious formalities, reality was laid bare before Hong Cheng. After hearing the sequel to this story and learning that he had become the fool who was deceived in the tale, Hong Cheng didn’t fly into a rage. Instead, he laughed until tears and snot ran down his face, then broke into wailing sobs. From that moment on, he was filled with disgust for this priceless Mountain of Light and wouldn’t even touch it, feeling the stone was dirtier than dog excrement.

He would rather hold onto a twenty-some pound gold ingot than touch the far more valuable diamond. Yun Ye told him that the gold was stained with even more lives, but the stubborn Hong Cheng insisted on holding what he considered clean gold and refused to touch that filthy gemstone. He believed that human lives wouldn’t attach themselves to gold—that was karma created by Yun Ye, not by the gold. This strange logic puzzled Yun Ye for a long time, and unable to figure out the reason, he could only consider it Hong Cheng’s personal principle.

After setting down the treasure, he was kicked several times by Li Er. Originally he wouldn’t have been kicked, just scolded, but after Li Er opened the box and saw the diamond blazing like a new sun under the fierce sunlight, he flew into a rage. He kicked Yun Ye’s legs several times in succession, then pointed at the palace gate and told him to scram quickly before he got even angrier.

What kind of person was this! All Yun Ye wanted was to take it home to show off for a few days, to let the students at the academy see their teacher’s gains from a long journey. In the end, wouldn’t he return it to the national treasury? How could such a thing belong in a subject’s household? Even an emperor could only store it in the national treasury as a reserve, bringing it out to show off when envoys and such arrived.

Li Er’s favorite way of showing off wealth now was to pretend to accidentally break glass cups. Last time, a fierce warrior emerged from the military—the kind who could break through ten thousand enemies with a hundred cavalry. His name was Xi Junmai. After Li Er summoned him for an audience to celebrate the hero’s achievements, they drank heartily with the generals during the feast. Li Er personally handed a glass cup to Xi Junmai, encouraging him to kill many enemies and bring glory to the nation. Just as Xi Junmai was about to receive the wine cup with both hands, Li Er’s hand slipped, and the radiant glass cup shattered into pieces. Xi Junmai immediately knelt and proclaimed himself guilty of a capital offense. Li Er laughed heartily and said that having brave generals like Xi Junmai was the Great Tang’s blessing—what did a mere wine cup matter? There was still another such cup. He ordered an attendant to bring it out, fill it with wine, and hand it to Xi Junmai again. The grateful Xi Junmai immediately drew his blade and cut a deep gash in his hand. His blood flowed into the cup, which he drank in one gulp, vowing to shed his last drop of blood for the Great Tang. The satisfied Li Er even bestowed that wine cup upon Xi Junmai, and all the guests congratulated him in unison. One could tell that at that moment, even if Li Er had asked Xi Junmai to carry explosives to blow up an enemy bunker, he wouldn’t have hesitated in the slightest.

Just after being chased out of the imperial palace, he encountered Li Tai with a face full of cunning smiles. Li Tai pulled out a small bottle and asked Yun Ye, “Teacher, do you have a way to make this thing bite only one specific person without implicating others?”

Yun Ye became angry at first glance. Who allowed him to take the giant ants from the academy’s maze? These things were too dangerous. They were usually kept in enormous glass tanks. The academy had worked very hard to breed the original hundred or so into nearly ten thousand now, yet they still couldn’t be released outside. These creatures had very poor adaptability. While invincible in the desert, in damp and rainy Chang’an, they lost their reproductive capacity and were constantly being carried off one or two at a time by various birds. This made it impossible for Yun Ye to use them as a defensive barrier. Now, this fellow was actually treating them as toys! Being bitten once was no different from being clamped with red-hot tongs.

Student Huo Zhu, who loved tinkering with these things, had accidentally been bitten once and howled for an entire day—and that was under Sun Simiao’s careful treatment.

“Who let you take this thing out to play with? If you get bitten, you know the consequences. Even Master Sun has no way to stop the pain. It’s too dangerous. Besides, if this thing mutates and settles in Chang’an, it would be a major disaster.”

“You’re trying to scare me again. Do you think I don’t know that worker ants have no reproductive ability? Who would be stupid enough to take out the queen? I’m just asking if you have a way to make it bite only one specific person without implicating other innocents. Quick, tell me—I’m in a hurry.”

A face begging to be punched immediately floated into Yun Ye’s mind. Without a doubt, these ants were prepared for him. Thinking of this, Yun Ye said, “Not paying attention in class—these giant ants have a duty to protect the queen. They are utterly loyal and would die for this goal. They recognize the queen by scent. Remember, never let yourself get touched by a dew-like substance the queen secretes. Otherwise, those ants will come looking for you. Next time, listen carefully in class. Don’t just pick and choose the classes you like.”

Li Tai bowed very politely in thanks. He was always extremely courteous to those who could solve his puzzles—he was a good student.

This time leaving the palace, Old Zhuang stayed close behind Yun Ye with Wang Cai, never leaving his side. Seeing Yun Ye emerge from the palace, Wang Cai shook the bulging money pouch hanging from his neck and ran over. The familiar place put Wang Cai in excellent spirits.

Yun Ye leaped onto Wang Cai’s back. Without urging, Wang Cai gave a spirited “ai-ya-ya” cry and charged down Vermillion Bird Avenue all the way toward Yushan.

Wang Cai’s stamina had truly improved greatly. Galloping all the way from Chang’an, he barely broke a sweat. Seeing the vermillion archway in the distance, he whinnied loudly and increased his speed even more, leaving Old Zhuang and the others far behind. His iron hooves clattered onto the stone-paved road as he slowed down, swaying his body to make Yun Ye dismount—he was ready to go shopping.

The Yun family servants waiting at the archway entrance saw the Marquis return and knelt down crying as if their parents had died. After each got a kick, they stopped weeping. Seeing Wang Cai snorting in dissatisfaction, they hurriedly removed Wang Cai’s tack while another shouted “The Marquis has returned home!” and scrambled toward the house.

People in the marketplace, seeing Yun Ye in full armor, continuously bowed in respect. Yun Ye smiled and returned the courtesies. They were all neighbors—putting on airs as a marquis wouldn’t be good.

“Marquis, your expedition was arduous. I heard the great army pacified dozens of disloyal kingdoms in the south, bringing countless treasures to the court. Your meritorious service is immense. This old man’s osmanthus rice wine has dried fruit added—the taste is quite good, you must drink!”

This couldn’t be refused. The old man only brewed rice wine once a year. Each time he sent some to the household and received pastries and such in return, he could be proud for half a year. This was his greatest source of dignity. Moreover, the old man had actually learned refined wine-offering words and seemed to have practiced them for a long time. His movements when presenting the wine even included orchid fingers—who knows which brothel he learned that from.

Very good—he happened to be thirsty anyway. Ignoring the old man’s orchid fingers, he picked up the bowl and gulped it down, giving a thumbs up and praising it as excellent. The old man’s face immediately flushed with joy as he said repeatedly, “The Marquis returns in great triumph. This humble old man still has some at home and will send it all to the residence for the Old Madam to taste as well.”

The醪糟vendor hugged Wang Cai’s head and wept. Chubby Wang Cai had become a tall, handsome horse—not good-looking at all. It was all because he hadn’t drunk醪糟. Poor thing, starved to this state! Today’s醪糟wouldn’t be sold. Learning from others, he dumped all the sugar-preserved osmanthus flowers into the醪糟in one go and offered it to Wang Cai to drink. Wang Cai happily stuck his head into the wooden barrel and slurped loudly.

He had clearly been kidnapped, yet the household put on the appearance of the master returning from a military campaign. Everyone stood at the estate gate in welcome. The Old Madam sat in a grand chair, leaning on her cane with a smiling expression, watching her grandson stride through the gate in full armor, majestic and imposing. In her view, whether her grandson was fleeing in panic or leading the troops in valor, it was all the same. As long as he returned safe and sound, that was enough. Whether he achieved merit was truly not an important matter.

The Old Madam had aged even more. Before the kidnapping, her hair had been mostly black with only some white strands mixed in. But in just one year, her hair had turned completely white.

He hurried forward to bow: “Grandmother, your grandson has returned.”

The Old Madam touched Yun Ye’s face and said tearfully, “Good, good. My grandson has returned. It’s good that you’re back.”

Beside them, Xinyue had already cried herself weak. The child in her arms stared wide-eyed at this strange man. Na Rimu, supporting her enormous belly with a maid’s help, smiled serenely at her husband. She was the only strong one in the whole family.

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