HomeThe Whimsical ReturnChapter 56: Forcing Good People into Banditry

Chapter 56: Forcing Good People into Banditry

Lan Ling was indeed clever. She quickly summoned her wet nurse and her four palace maids, begging Yun Ye to make the candy one more time. Yun Ye smiled and repeated the process. The task was simple with almost no technical difficulty. Soon, one adult and five young girls had successfully made the milk candy, and the flavor seemed even better than what Yun Ye had made. The Great Tang had never lacked masters of dairy confections.

The rest depended on how the little princess would proceed. Once she dominated the palace market, expanding to other markets would require hardly any effort. As long as she took the first step, the forces of desire and capital would gradually push her forward step by step, eventually transforming her into a massive candy company. Lan Ling clearly had potential in this area.

Returning to Yushan, Yun Ye didn’t go straight home. Instead, he made a detour to Sun Simiao’s medicine hut, where he thoroughly cleaned himself from head to toe and soaked in willow branch water before heading home. He had picked up some of Sun Simiao’s germ-phobia.

As soon as he entered the gate, he saw the carpenter and his apprentice carrying a fine piece of lumber from the back gate, returning to the front courtyard workshop. Seeing the marquis had returned, they set down the lumber and paid their respects.

“Fine lumber. What’s the household making?”

“Reporting to the Marquis, our household’s child carts have gained quite a reputation. I’ve been making them non-stop these days. I just delivered three to Duke Eguo’s household, and now Duke Hanguo’s residence has sent lumber, requesting three as well. The Convenience Shop has even placed an order with me—fifty carts to be delivered each month. You see, Marquis, our household affairs keep me too busy. Who has time to deal with merchants?”

“How foolish! Just train a few apprentices to make carts for the merchants while you focus on making them for wealthy families,” Yun Ye said, exasperated by his household servant’s lack of business sense.

“Marquis, that won’t do! This is our household’s craft. Teaching it to outsiders wouldn’t be proper. People would criticize me behind my back,” the carpenter protested, jumping up as if stung by a hornet.

Too lazy to argue further, Yun Ye was about to kick him when Xinyue came over pushing Yun Baobao. She told the carpenter: “Our household’s crafts are all precious. Who cares about a few coins? Just make them well for the elders’ families. He Shao has become increasingly outrageous, daring to make such demands. He deserves a beating with sticks.”

Seeing his son smiling with drool dripping down, who cared about some broken wood anymore? He Shao had grown so fat he could barely walk now, having gotten himself a sedan chair carried by several Kunlun slaves. A beating was exactly what he deserved.

Yun Ye lifted his son from the cart—this was his father’s precious treasure. He had just been affectionately playing with his son, sucking on the chubby little hand, when he noticed Xiao Ya rushing from the back courtyard in a hurry. Her hairpin hung loosely behind her ear. She grabbed a wood-chopping knife, cut a finger-thick bamboo stalk from the small bamboo grove, chopped it into two sections in a few quick strikes, and was about to run back.

Xinyue’s face flushed red with anger. She grabbed Xiao Ya and slapped her twice on the back. Where was there any trace of a refined young lady in this behavior? Even country girls weren’t this unruly.

Since Xinyue was already handling the discipline, Yun Ye didn’t interfere. He carried his son to find his daughter. When he reached the back garden, he was dumbfounded. Na Rimu stood in the treehouse, sticking her head out from a small window and making faces at the young maids below. She had even pulled up the rope ladder. The girls at the base of the tree angrily denounced Na Rimu, who looked extremely pleased with herself and even brought out his daughter to show off.

While Yun Ye stood there stunned, Xinyue had already lost it. She ordered Na Rimu down from the tree, shoved their daughter into Yun Ye’s arms, grabbed Na Rimu by the ear, and slapped her hard on the back. The other young maids hadn’t even finished laughing when their own misfortune arrived—the bamboo Xiao Ya had just cut was perfect for disciplining them. For a moment, the garden was filled with wails and cries. Aunties and elder female relatives poked their heads out from the house to take a look, then went back to playing mahjong. Apparently this sort of thing had become quite routine.

What a harmonious household! But where had Di Renjie gone? The treehouse had more than one room. Turning around a flower bed, he saw Di Renjie sitting alone in a treehouse with a book scroll in hand, swaying his head as he recited. The enormous Hanhan lay at the tree’s base, rubbing against it. The fat on the pig’s face nearly covered its eyes. Seeing Yun Ye approach, it struggled to stand up and waddled off to find Xiao Ya for salvation.

Yun Ye had wanted to slaughter this pig for meat long ago, but every time Xiao Ya refused. Who keeps a pig for over three years? It must weigh a thousand catties by now. Even Grandmother said not to kill it—having an extra living creature in the household was always good, even if it constantly stole food.

He had Di Renjie take his son up, then carried his daughter and climbed the ladder. Looking at the treehouse, he finally understood why those girls didn’t come to this place.

Small cork boards were covered with various insect specimens pinned with embroidery needles. There was even a specimen of a vegetable snake with its mouth gaping wide—terrifying to look at. No wonder those girls didn’t come up here. Even Shishi, who had the most courage, didn’t like staying with snakes.

“Little Jie, you’re quite cunning,” Yun Ye said, settling his daughter comfortably in his arms and releasing his son to let him crawl on the carpeted floor. He picked up the specimens to examine them carefully.

Di Renjie scratched the back of his head and said: “I never get any peace. They love playing and causing a ruckus in my room, jumping on my bed, and even wearing my clothes. I had no choice but to move the specimens here. Ever since Uncle Jinbao caught me a snake, no one’s come.”

“Solving your own difficulties is admirable. I’ve been waiting for you to ask me for help, but you didn’t. Someone who can handle trivial matters on their own will surely handle important matters well in the future. Little Jie, well done.”

Yun Ye never stinted on praise for children. Di Renjie always beamed with joy when he heard it, helping Yun Ye pull Yun Baobao back from the window again and again.

Good children deserved rewards. This boy loved braised lion’s head meatballs most of all. Since he had time today, he’d make them a proper meal. Besides, he was craving them himself. In the mountains, the food was poor and sleep was bad—his stomach had suffered.

When people get too pleased with themselves, they easily lose their composure. Di Renjie’s large bowl contained two fist-sized lion’s head meatballs. He had only taken one bite before going to the garden to show off. Those girls and Na Rimu and Erniang had all been ordered by the senior lady to stand as punishment. They stood in a row under the tree shade, blaming each other, when they discovered Di Renjie appearing with braised lion’s head meatballs…

Patting the tearful Di Renjie and looking at the now-empty large bowl, Yun Ye took out the lion’s head meatballs he had prepared for a late-night snack from the steamer basket and gave him two more. This time, Di Renjie sat right in front of his master to eat. Nothing could make him go to the garden again.

That night when going to bed, Na Rimu refused to get down from Xinyue’s bed. She complained to her husband that Xinyue had beaten her with a stick and even showed him the evidence. Xinyue’s anger flared instantly. She gave several more slaps on the bare bottom and pushed Yun Ye out, saying she needed to properly discipline Na Rimu tonight…

That’s how the household was—quite good actually, very lively. Drinking alone under the full moon also had its own charm. They say “the Qin moon and Han passes” most provoke wandering thoughts, but the Tang moon was also beautiful, hanging bluish-green above the mountain peak like it had been slapped by someone. Right now he had no such thoughts—he only wanted to happily live out this lifetime. Someone was practicing swordplay. The cold gleam of the blade flashed, and at its peak, one could only see a ball of light and shadow, not the person.

A young girl softly chanted: “How grand is that lady, in brocade robes with over-garment of gauze! Daughter of the Lord of Qi, wife of the Lord of Wei. Sister of the crown prince, younger sister of the Lord of Xing, cousin of the Lord of Tan. Hands like tender rush-shoots, skin like congealed ointment, neck like the tree-grub, teeth like melon seeds, cicada head with moth eyebrows, charming dimples when she smiles, beautiful eyes with clear glances. How tall is that lady, standing in the fields of the suburbs! Four steeds so strong, with red silk tassels on their bits, phoenixes carved on the curtains as she goes to court. Great officers retire early—let not our lord be wearied. The Yellow River’s waters abundant, flowing northward turbulent. With seine nets swishing, sturgeon and snout-fish darting about. Reeds and rushes tall and waving, attendants numerous, officers abundant.”

This child was getting out of hand! How could she recite poetry about wanting to marry while watching a bandit practice swordplay? The pomp of Qi Jiang’s wedding procession was nothing! When my sister marries, the ceremony will be a hundred times grander! Yiniang and Runniang were cousins, so the Yun family’s grand ceremony couldn’t be used for them. But Daya’s wedding would be different—she was the legitimate eldest young lady of the Yun family. Yiniang and Runniang’s Yun surname was forcibly added by Yun Ye, but they couldn’t enter the genealogy or ancestral hall. This was unavoidable. Never mind others—even Grandmother’s standards couldn’t be met. When Yiniang married, Grandmother said the ceremony was too elaborate, making all the noble families laugh. When Runniang married soon, Yun Ye wasn’t allowed to interfere. If he wanted to give more money, he had to do it secretly.

When Daya married, the Yun family’s ceremonial procession could be mobilized. In this world that valued face above all, even if there wasn’t a single coin of dowry, just mobilizing the procession would make the groom’s family far happier than receiving money. Now look—a sixteen-year-old girl was already thinking of marriage. All these years of raising her for nothing, and a bandit had stolen her heart away.

Thinking of this, his anger rose. He shouted loudly toward the wall: “Dream on! Want to learn from Qi Jiang and marry early? First have that bandit repay what he owes our family, then leave with nothing—not a single coin will be given! Not one has a conscience! Practicing swordplay late at night, disturbing people’s sleep!”

Daya hadn’t expected her brother to be just behind the wall. Embarrassed, she cried out and dove into her room, slamming the door shut with a loud bang.

Soon, Dan Ying’s angry face appeared atop the wall. Without any apparent effort, he flipped over with a spin. His hand flicked, and his gleaming precious sword stuck in the ground. He sat down in front of Yun Ye, grabbed the wine jug and took a huge gulp, then said brazenly: “Brother-in-law, I’m the only seedling left in the Dan family. When do you think would be appropriate to bring Daya through the door? It would save me from always climbing your wall.”

“Marry my foot! Right now you’re just a head on shoulders with no house, no land to your name. You want Daya to follow you and become a bandit? That girl has suffered so much since childhood. I can’t bear to let her suffer more. Wait until you have a house, carriage, and money all properly arranged before marrying. I’ll pamper Daya for a few more years.”

“Who says I’m destitute? I have substantial property in Luoyang!” Dan Ying protested indignantly.

“I just finished looking at the account books. Last year you earned one hundred thirty-three strings of cash selling matches, then you spent one thousand eight hundred strings building houses for those widows and orphans. That means you’re in debt for over sixteen hundred strings on the books. The shopkeeper came crying to me, saying you pay those people absurdly high wages. Otherwise last year’s capital would have been recovered long ago. At the year-end Yun family meeting, he felt he’d completely lost face. He begged your sister-in-law to find someone else—he’s ready to go begging.”

“They’re very poor. You know that.”

“You’re even poorer! In debt up to your eyeballs, even the precious blade on your body is mortgaged. Now you don’t even have money to marry a wife. Don’t you know to save yourself before saving others?”

“I’ll get the money. It’s a small matter.” After saying this, he clapped his hands, stood up, borrowed momentum from the tree, and disappeared.

“Brother, will Little Ying be alright? He’s going to rob someone!” Daya emerged from behind the tree in panic, grasping Yun Ye’s hand and shaking it anxiously.

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