HomeThe Whimsical ReturnChapter 43: Bear Paws

Chapter 43: Bear Paws

Because Han Zhe was handsome, wealthy, and accompanied by seven beautiful women, plus being in the grass market without any guards or household servants, those ruffians who watched Han Zhe take gold coins from his heavy pocket began to entertain certain ideas.

While Han Zhe was looking around, planning to find someone disagreeable to test what reaction there would be after a venomous snake bit someone, three tough men appeared before him. These tough men believed that if one person had money, everyone should spend it together, and that Han Zhe’s small frame couldn’t handle seven beautiful women, so they were prepared to help Han Zhe out.

Han Zhe was very happy that someone had voluntarily stepped forward to help him. He very seriously asked the three tough men if they truly intended to help him. Amid the desperate wailing of the seven women, the three tough men nodded and agreed without hesitation. This rich young master was really too cooperative. They decided that after playing with the women, they would take the money and then let this rich young master off.

By the time the three men were all tied to trees and Han Zhe was gripping the snake’s head, carefully squeezing out the fangs, preparing to request their help, it was already too late for regrets. Everyone in the grass market had fled without a single person remaining, and the most timid of the seven young girls had already wet her pants.

Han Zhe also felt that doing this would frighten the young girls, so he gave each of the seven young girls another gold coin, telling them to drive the carriage back to Yongzhou city themselves while he continued his experiments.

The boldest woman with the highest bosom, the woman in red, hesitated several times wanting Han Zhe to stop, because from any perspective, Han Zhe didn’t seem like a vicious and evil person. Being polite to women was something he had learned from Yun Ye, because Yun Ye seemed very indulgent toward the women in his household. Han Zhe naturally regarded this as the elegance belonging to White Jade Capital.

He drew the woman in red into his arms, embraced her, lightly kissed the center of her forehead where the flower ornament was pasted, lifted her horizontally and placed her on the carriage they had ridden, carefully arranged her disheveled skirt, then patted the horse’s rear. The old horse pulled the carriage swaying toward Yongzhou. The woman in red could no longer restrain herself and burst into loud sobs. She knew very clearly that this parting would be a final farewell.

The crying of the woman in red came from far away. Han Zhe sniffled and said with a smile: “No wonder that bastard Yun Ye does this. The feeling of being remembered by someone is indeed quite nice, it just costs a bit of money.”

He grabbed another venomous snake and pricked the first tough man’s hand with the fangs, then pricked another tough man’s foot. When it came to the third person, he chose the neck. After the venomous snake had bitten three people in succession, it seemed somewhat exhausted. Han Zhe put it back in the cage and sat on a rock to watch the three men’s reactions.

The man whose neck had been bitten by the venomous snake already had a blackened face. Prying open his eyes, one could see they were completely blood-red inside. Han Zhe was very satisfied—the toxicity of the Yongzhou serpent was indeed fierce.

The one whose hand was bitten was still struggling. A black line had already spread to his shoulder. Han Zhe chopped off this tough man’s arm with a single stroke and nodded as he watched the spurting black blood—the poison had already attacked his heart.

The third person didn’t have such good effects. The poison actually stopped at his thigh and wouldn’t move upward. Just as Han Zhe was puzzled, he inadvertently saw this tough man’s distorted face and finally understood—this fellow had been scared to death. When a person died, the blood no longer flowed, so naturally the poison wouldn’t spread.

“The old man won’t be scared to death, will he?” Han Zhe murmured to himself for a while, then shook his head. This was impossible. The old man might even greatly enjoy the feeling of death descending. But this was also good—death would end everything once and for all. If it weren’t for his younger sister needing care, Han Zhe even wanted to kill himself.

When he was high and mighty, he had scorned human ethics, but coming to the mortal world, he discovered this was a damn heavenly law that could not be violated. Even wild beasts would consciously or unconsciously avoid it, yet his own family was so obsessed with it. The result was that his body was filled with filthy blood.

How exactly should he address that person? Grandfather? Or father? Only that old demon could do such beastly things with his own daughter. He must die, he absolutely must die!

After calming down, Han Zhe discovered that the corpse before him had turned into mincemeat, and his head, face, and body were covered with chopped meat scraps. Seven or eight constables stood in the distance, shouting loudly at him but not daring to approach.

Han Zhe grabbed soap, jumped into the small stream, washed himself clean, changed into clean clothes, then placed the snake cage on the donkey cart he had bought. Driving the donkey cart, he swayed along the ancient road and left Yongzhou…

To Han Zhe, Yongzhou was merely a resting inn on his journey and was quickly forgotten. But the constables of Yongzhou forever remembered a terrifying demon who dismembered corpses. Naturally, in Yongzhou city’s largest brothel, there was always a beautiful courtesan in red clothes who liked to lean on the window and look at the crowds below, year after year…

A roofless carriage followed a small cavalry unit, trudging listlessly along the winding mountain roads of the Qinling Mountains. Wang Cai didn’t like pulling this clumsy and ugly cart. The snow-white light carriage at home suited his tall and mighty physique, but since there wasn’t one in the military, he had to reluctantly pull it. Yun Ye lay on the thickly padded cart bed, catching up on sleep nap by nap. Last night’s bonfire banquet was very successful. Li Er had lavishly praised it, believing that such banquets should be held more often during future hunts. He especially gave high praise to the dance Xiao Ya presented, considering this savage dance joyful and unrestrained with a strong sense of rhythm that made one’s blood boil—very beautiful. Zhangsun had decided that upon returning to Chang’an, she would have Xiao Ya train a troupe of courtesans specifically to perform this savage dance.

Yun Ye knew very clearly that the lively-natured Xiao Ya, wearing the half-skirt of the Meng family village, was very suitable for dancing this simple and bold dance. Moreover, this dance had already been adapted by the Heavenly Enchantress, immediately making it appear very high-class. Rather than saying Zhangsun had confidence in Xiao Ya, it was better to say she had confidence in Li Yuan’s former beloved concubine.

The fact that Marquis Yun, passing through Motian Ridge, was moved to tears reflecting on Zhuge’s lifetime achievements had already spread widely among scholarly circles. What beautiful sentiment! Zhuge was unparalleled in loyalty and prudence throughout his life, exhausting every strategy to seek benefits for the state of Shu. Although he met defeat at the Plains of Wuzhang, causing people to sigh with regret, this could not erase Zhuge’s noble character. Moreover, Marquis Yun had written the beautiful couplet “He died before his mission was accomplished, often causing heroes’ robes to be soaked with tears” in his sorrow. Even figures like Prime Minister Fang and Prime Minister Du couldn’t help but shed tears when reciting this couplet. After His Majesty heard of it, he said this was the first time Marquis Yun had written something from the heart.

The privilege granted to this literary luminary was that he need not ride a horse and could ride in a carriage. The carriage here referred to a goat cart—getting a huge mountain goat to pull oneself around everywhere. Back in the day, the fashionable Jin Dynasty celebrities in black robes drove goat carts specifically to places where women gathered so they could be pelted with fruits—what a beautiful legend! However, Pan An did this because he was handsome, and those women presumably couldn’t bear to pelt him to death. If it were Yun Ye, there might be danger to his life, and considering Chang’an’s fierce folk customs, the danger coefficient would be even higher.

Forget the goat cart—it was more reliable to harness Wang Cai. Wang Cai liked to bite the rear ends of the warhorses in front and had already driven away three horses. If he bit this horse away too, there would be no more annoying horse rear in front of him.

Wang Cai suddenly closed his mouth, quietly pulled the cart closer to the formation, and simultaneously swished his tail to wake the dozing Yun Ye. Seeing Wang Cai’s alert appearance, Yun Ye knew there was trouble, but he couldn’t understand how there could be any danger while in the world’s most powerful army.

Not only was Wang Cai on alert, the warhorses beneath several old generals also raised their heads and neighed. Yun Mu’s big dog Wang Cai was also making whimpering sounds in his throat. A large wild beast was approaching. This was absurd—would a wild beast dare to attack a human crowd?

Not far away, Li Er’s arrogant laughter rang out: “Not easy. I thought you could truly endure it, but unexpectedly, just as we’re about to leave the mountains, you still followed.” After speaking, he kicked a small bear tied to the cart frame. The small bear cried out “ao wu,” and perhaps it too smelled its mother’s scent and cried even more vigorously.

Yun Ye swore he had never seen such a large bear. Its mountain-of-flesh body rolled down from the mountain and charged straight into the formation. This creature’s body was covered with pine resin, and arrows simply couldn’t penetrate its thick hide. With one claw, it ripped out the intestines of a horse. The warhorse wailed and pressed its rider beneath its body. Yun Ye could hear the sound of breaking bones from far away.

Those guards very tacitly moved aside. The bear roared and charged toward Li Er, who was holding a bow and arrow. Li Er’s first arrow accurately drilled into the white crescent on the bear’s chest—this was the bear’s most vulnerable spot.

Yun Ye felt somewhat sad. The bear only wanted to rescue its son—was it necessary to put it to death? Li Er was too despicable. If he had the ability, he should fight one-on-one.

Very boring. After Li Er shot three arrows, this very large bear was completely finished. It could only lie on the ground gasping and bleeding. One arrow had gone through its eye into the bear’s brain. Yan Song, holding a saber, tapped the arrow’s tail with the back of his blade, and the arrow went through the other side of the bear’s head. The bear immediately lost its breath.

Just killing a bear, yet the entire formation erupted in cheers of victory. He didn’t understand what there was to be proud of when tens of thousands of people killed one bear. He turned to ask Cheng Yaojin. Old Cheng gave Yun Ye a contemptuous glance and said: “Boy, killing this king of the mountains is like beheading a general and capturing a banner on the battlefield—it’s a great honor. Of course, if you capture it alive, that would be even more impressive.” After speaking, he joined the cheering crowd.

“Your Majesty’s power in capturing tigers and shooting bears still remains. Our Great Tang will surely have a bright national fortune. This subject congratulates Your Majesty!” After Fang Xuanling finished congratulating, there was immediately another tsunami of cheers, and the slogan they shouted was actually “Victory!” which was only used on battlefields.

Yun Ye didn’t care much about this. He only cared about how to handle the four thick bear paws on the bear. It was now autumn, and this bear was covered entirely with pine resin—it must have specifically raided honeycombs to eat honey. The two paws were absolutely already covered with crystallized bee sugar, plus the juices of various fruits. These two paws must have already been perfectly cured. Originally this was preparation the bear made for licking its paws when it had nothing to do in winter, but now it all benefited Li Er. Yun Ye very much hoped Li Er would give him these two front paws. This would be much better than riding a goat cart.

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