HomeThe Whimsical ReturnChapter 33: The City Gate Officer

Chapter 33: The City Gate Officer

On the distant ocean, a woman holding a child was sitting on the sun-drenched deck nursing the infant, appearing sweet and warm. Beside her, another woman was reciting the contents of a parchment scroll to her. When she finished reading the letter and placed the parchment on the table before her, the nursing woman turned her face and smiled slightly, then threw the parchment scroll into the sea.

Her face bore a huge scar. The skin and flesh on the left side of her face was rolled and mangled, as if an iron plow had been dragged across it. Other women with such a scar would certainly conceal it, but she didn’t care and exposed it openly under the bright light of day.

“The world attacking Tang? What a ridiculous joke! Who do they think they are? A million people wanting to shake that nation’s foundation? Silla, Baekje—this is seeking death. Send a letter to my foolish imperial brother and tell him the Wa Kingdom had better not move, had better not provoke the Tang nation. The consequences are terrifying. Since we’ve submitted, we should have the appearance of submission. Betrayers are even more detestable than enemies. The retaliation they receive will be unprecedentedly fierce.”

The woman carefully shielded the sunlight with the swaddling clothes. Seeing the child’s small mouth release her nipple, she knew he was full. She picked up the child and patted his back to prevent him from spitting up milk.

“Your Highness, the chances of success this time are great. Not only will Silla and Baekje participate, but Mohe and Tiele will also join. I heard the savages of Shiwei will also participate in the attack. Our newly constructed warships are about to be launched and will have the capability to hold down the Lingnan navy and prevent it from rescuing Liaodong. The Tang nation is too prosperous. Once we breach Tang, we’ll become the true kings of the seas.”

“Xiumei, the reason a trap is called a trap is because before you trigger it, it appears very calm. The oaths of savages cannot be relied upon. If a nation wants to determine its fate by one or two battles, that’s too tragic. Even if momentarily successful, such a nation won’t survive long. The Tang people’s pride is their most formidable weapon. Because they’re not accustomed to being slaves, they won’t become slaves.”

“As for king of the seas, look—he’s fallen asleep in my arms. Only the power we can control ourselves is our own power. The fate of pirates is to constantly plunder on the seas until death. Strength needs to accumulate. I’m governing the pirates as if they were a kingdom, so we won’t do things beyond our capability. Now accumulating strength for our king is what we should be doing. When the king grows up, this sea will once again raise giant waves.”

Xiumei bowed her head to thank her for the teaching, then knelt beside the woman, proudly looking at the fleet on both sides of the great ship—the masts and sails covering the sky, the strong pirates bare-backed polishing the deck, the giant ships breaking through wind and waves. This was their own power.

“Leave the Arabian Sea. We’ll go to the black earth lands to capture those strong Kunlun slaves. Insufficient manpower is our greatest fatal weakness. When my king grows up, he’ll need a black army.”

“Also, copy the letter the Tuyuhun Grand Elder gave us for the Yun family in Chang’an. Tell Yun Ye about this matter and sell him a favor. Perhaps in the not-distant future, we’ll need Yun Ye to repay this favor.”

Xiumei once again bowed in agreement. She quietly gave instructions to Hutong Hai at the helm. Before long, deep horn sounds rang out across the sea. The massive fleet carved white arcing wakes across the ocean’s surface as it turned and headed south…

“Your subject has heard that when a nation becomes excessively powerful, what it receives is no longer admiration and submission but fear. At this time, if what is implemented is not the sages’ pacification techniques but still the way of force and domination, this fear will be catalyzed to its peak. Knowing death is certain, they no longer fear dying. Knowing destruction is certain, they no longer care about annihilation. The tiger has the resolve to ford rivers, the dog has the skill to leap walls. Since there’s no longer any retreat, fear inevitably breeds desperation, and desperation inevitably breeds courage. The saying ‘don’t pursue a desperate enemy’ speaks to this principle.”

“The Great Tang has now become incomparably powerful. Our lands are already so numerous we cannot plow them all, wantonly allowing wild grass to grow rampant. Our cattle and sheep are so numerous they already require mass slaughter to stem their proliferation. The people’s extravagant tendencies are rising. Even marrying off daughters requires white oxen to pull the carts. The nobles are even more extravagant and immoderate, with music daily, drinking and reveling. Your subject heard that the Marquis of Lantian, Yun Ye, married his daughter to the Di clan with carriages and trunks stretching three li without break. The Di clan even used brocade canopies to cover withered trees and spread silk throughout the ground to welcome the new bride. Most laughable of all, that very night there were incidents of passion while mounted, inviting widespread ridicule.”

“What those above favor, those below will emulate. Your Majesty’s traveling palaces are spread throughout the Great Tang. Jade Mountain’s cultural glory occupies land worth its weight in gold. Your Majesty’s traveling palaces sit empty and cold—birds nest and raise young in the rafters, foxes and wolves run through the courtyards. The Nanshan traveling palace exists only for one luxurious gambling session each year—laughable, laughable! The Luoyang traveling palace already has white-haired palace ladies. The Yuezhou mansion cost tens of millions. Furthermore, flattering ministers from Yangzhou invited the Emperor and Empress to view the jade-flower trees—the cautionary example of Emperor Yang of Sui, has Your Majesty forgotten it?”

“The imperial palace is like brocade flowers. Every three years the realm’s women are selected to fill Your Majesty’s harem. Ten li behind the Xuanwu Gate, palace chambers were constructed for Your Majesty’s indulgence—debauchery has never exceeded this! Does Your Majesty not see where the three-hundred-li Epang Palace is today?”

“Zhang Liang harbors a wolf’s heart and indulges in the Eastern Sea. Yun Ye wields thunder in the Northern Sea. Guo Xiaoke campaigns a thousand li with expenditures of a thousand li. Where the great army passes, not even grass grows. Ashina She’er, Qibi Heli, and Zhishisili, positioned among the Tiele and Mohe tribes, are inhumanly cruel—from time to time news of cannibalism emerges. Zhang Jian commands Liaodong where warfare continues without cease. What is the reason for this?”

“The reason strength conquers others is…”

“Stop! This old village boor is seeking death! Using hearsay to confuse people—does he think I truly cannot kill a despicable and shameless wretch?”

Li Er paced back and forth in Wanmin Palace, as agitated as a wild beast locked in a cage.

“He’s certain Your Majesty won’t move against meritorious officials, which is why he’s so unbridled. Actually, this memorial—besides the nonsense at the end—the earlier parts still have some merit. You’ve stripped him of his title, withdrawn his official rank. He now has no right to submit memorials and speak, so he can only go through my channels. This is a private letter, a private letter to Your Majesty, so whatever he says is up to him.”

Zhangsun closed the letter and, after offering a few words of advice, waited for the Emperor’s decision.

“How can I let him have his way? Beheading is easy. I simply don’t want to casually dispose of ministers who followed me from the beginning. Otherwise, even with eighty heads, he couldn’t keep them secure. Everyone speaks of how ‘when the rabbits are killed, the hunting dogs are cooked; when the birds are gone, the bow is stored away.’ I’m unwilling. Years ago I said we would share wealth and glory together. I remember very clearly. Even though Wei Zheng committed such evil deeds, I still spared his life. Why is this person so ungrateful?”

“Because the one reading this letter is Your Majesty, which is why he’s so unbridled. He knows your punishment of him has already reached its limit, so instead he has no more concerns and says whatever he wants. In my view, what he’s saying now is his true heart.”

“The limit? Since the old wretch has the strength to gossip, he also has the strength to guard the city gate for me. Someone come! Draft an edict: Wei Zheng is hereby promoted to ninth-rank City Gate Officer and must assume his post immediately without error.”

Watching Duan Hong leave to transmit the edict, Zhangsun helplessly swatted the Emperor once, knowing her husband’s petty streak had flared up again.

Li Er chuckled and said to Zhangsun: “Tomorrow we’ll go watch Wei Zheng guard the city gate.”

Duan Hong read the imperial edict with extreme embarrassment, placed the decree in Wei Zheng’s hands for him to verify, declined the celebratory money offered by Wei Shuyu, and hastily left the Wei residence.

“Father, the Emperor is trying to humiliate you!” Wei Shuyu prostrated himself and wept.

“Nonsense! An official’s appointment certificate is an important state instrument. What difference is there between ninth rank and third rank? Your father’s previous official position wasn’t even ninth rank. The duty of City Gate Officer is to inspect lawbreakers entering and leaving the city gates. Go prepare robes for your father. Tomorrow I’ll assume my post.”

Wei Zheng didn’t get angry but instead laughed. He repeatedly examined the imperial edict in his hands, seeming very pleased. After looking at it for a while, he instructed Wei Shuyu to send this edict to the Yan family and ask them to file it.

Early the next morning, the elderly Wei Zheng wore black robes with a horizontal sword at his waist and stood watch before the Changle Gate. The old fellow’s body was weak. After standing for a while, he was covered in sweat and coughing continuously.

No matter how uncomfortable his body felt, Wei Zheng diligently performed his duties. In less than one morning, he had stopped two princesses, three nobles, over a dozen dandy sons preparing to ride horses outside the city for pleasure, and finally two children plus one monk.

“Grandfather Wei, this child will never be naughty at the city gate again. Please let this child off!” Yun Shou had gone to Cheng Yaojin’s house to play yesterday. Today, bringing Helan, he was just riding in a carriage entering through the south gate when the two children bickered in the carriage. Yun Shou lost his temper and threw out a teapot. Unexpectedly, he was detained by the impartial Wei Zheng.

“Stand for half a shichen as punishment to cool your temper before leaving.” Wei Zheng patted Yun Shou’s round head and gave his verdict. Yun Shou could only reluctantly stand with Helan, backs against the city wall, allowing the passing crowds to observe them.

Among those detained, the three nobles weren’t anxious. After respectfully greeting Wei Zheng, they stood to one side awaiting judgment. Having been colleagues for many years, they knew saying anything now was useless.

A dandy newly arrived in Chang’an had just started to curse when he was pressed to the ground and beaten by his companions. After the beating, Wei Zheng charged him with an additional offense for brawling. After begging for forgiveness for a long while without receiving pardon, he couldn’t help but curse inwardly—he was full and had nothing better to do than to take the Changle Gate! Since Old Wei had now been banished here, from now on it would be best to stay far from Changle Gate.

The monk appeared calm and unhurried. Standing there, anyone would praise his fine bearing. The moon-white monk’s robe draped on his body—if not for the bald head, anyone would think this was an outstanding gentleman of the turbulent world. His offense was carrying too much money on his person. After investigation to confirm there were no problems, he would be released.

In this brief time, the handsome monk was already conversing quite pleasantly through the carriage window with the two princesses.

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