Afterward, Xie Ci smoothly chose the bear he wanted. His left hand held Xu You’s while his right arm held the white stuffed bear, walking down the street attracting attention.

They wandered through most of the neighboring city. Xie Ci even took her to a small shop to drink cherry wine.

It was Xu You’s first time drinking that kind of wine. She only felt it was too spicy yet too sweet and sour. The rich, intense flavor left such a strong impression on her that she couldn’t forget it even many years later.

Under the silvery moonlight, the small lights on the roadside ground emitted a gentle yet faint glow.

Xie Ci walked Xu You home. Their fingers intertwined as they chatted aimlessly.

“Xu You, which university will you apply to in the future?”

“I don’t know, I haven’t decided…”

“Probably Shencheng, right? What about you?”

“Wherever you go, I’ll definitely go there too. The husband follows the wife’s lead.”

Xu You: “Did you get the genders reversed?”

He laughed. “As long as you understand what I mean.”

The residential complex was right before their eyes. The two slowed their steps. Xie Ci released Xu You’s hand and said, “Close your eyes and hold out your hand.”

“What?”

She was stunned to see Xie Ci pull out an extremely fine silver bracelet from his pocket. “Happy birthday.”

“Huh?” Xu You looked at the object spread in her palm. Though somewhat unexpectedly surprised, she felt more confused. “But today isn’t my birthday.”

“I’m celebrating it early for you.” Xie Ci put both hands back in his pockets and stepped back two paces. “Consider it my return gift for the bear you gave me.”

“Were you happy today?” Xu You nodded.

Xie Ci’s eyelashes lowered, concealing all his emotions, as he said quietly, “That’s good then.”

“Xu You.” He called her name again.

Xu You answered seriously.

“Then I won’t come look for you anymore. Prepare well for the college entrance exam.” He smiled lightly as usual.

This didn’t sound like something he would say, so Xu You felt something strange in her heart. She didn’t know why, but she detected a kind of sadness in it.

She remained silent, watching his carefree smile, clutching the bracelet tightly in her palm. “Then will you wait for me?”

“Okay.” Xie Ci agreed.

He leaned in and placed a light kiss on her lips.

From now on, take good care of yourself.

—

When the second semester of senior year began, time felt like it was riding a rocket. The countdown on the board visibly decreased day by day.

Xu You’s grades were very stable, always in the top ten of the grade—a sure candidate for Tsinghua or Peking University.

She went to school normally, left school normally. Her life had no disturbances.

Except Xu You would forever remember that Monday. After raising the flag, a piece of gossip about Xie Ci quietly spread throughout the entire grade. Almost everyone was discussing it.

Hearing this news for the first time, Xu You was completely stunned. She couldn’t believe what she heard at all.

She even doubted the authenticity of this news for a very long time.

That ominous premonition grew stronger and stronger. Xu You didn’t even care about class and went directly to Class 7 to find Song Yifan.

They stood in the corridor. Xu You asked urgently, “What exactly happened to his family? Where did Xie Ci go?”

“Didn’t he tell you before?” Song Yifan was stunned. He hesitated for a while and told her that Xie Ci’s father had gotten into trouble and he had already left the neighboring city. No matter how much Xu You pressed, he refused to say anything more.

Xu You was still in a state of shock and disbelief, trembling all over. “Didn’t he say anything?”

Song Yifan seemed unable to bear continuing to look at her expression. “He did.”

“Xie Ci said he’s waiting for you.”

Hearing this sentence, Xu You’s heart felt like it had fallen freely to the ground, shattering into pieces.

In the end, Xie Ci didn’t even say “let’s break up” before suddenly and completely disappearing from Xu You’s life.

The older you get, the more you can feel the weight of loneliness.

That period was very hard to endure. Xu You completely severed contact with Xie Ci.

She suffered from insomnia night after night, often thinking about Xie Ci who had left without saying goodbye and suddenly disappeared. She couldn’t confide this longing to anyone—she could only endure it bit by bit herself.

Even at school, Xu You was terrifyingly silent. Often for an entire day, she wouldn’t say a single word. She returned to her former appearance, rarely communicating with others, only burying her head in problems.

No one else was like Xie Ci anymore, deliberately provoking her anger, making her uncomfortable, making her happy.

Occasionally remembering him, Xu You would suddenly space out, doubting whether Xie Ci had existed or whether he was just a dream of hers.

She thought, as long as it passed, everything she was suffering now would be worth it. Any humiliation could be forgotten.

As long as it passed, it would be fine.

As long as it passed, she could pretend no one had left and nothing had happened.

In the days afterward, there seemed to be nothing more. Xu You acted as if nothing had really happened, spending each day very calmly.

Her phone was locked away in a cabinet, in a very deep place. No more expectations.

On campus, she could still occasionally encounter Song Yifan and those few people, but his figure was no longer among them.

One day after doing exercises, a few girls bought yogurt and snacks and passed by Xu You, chatting as they walked.

“Hey, it seems like we haven’t seen Xie Ci in a long time…”

One person said quietly, “…You really don’t know…”

They walked farther and farther until even their figures couldn’t be seen. Xu You still stood in place.

Senior year passed so quickly. Everyone was very busy. At the classroom door, on the stairs—red inspirational quotes were posted everywhere. Starting from the unified exam, then to the hundred-day oath ceremony, the first, second, and third mock exams.

Xu You spoke less and less. Her grades became more and more outstanding. She listened to her parents’ words, listened to her teachers’ words, and didn’t touch competitions again.

She told herself not to look back, not to think. No matter what difficulties she encountered, she had to be strong.

Every night during that time was quiet.

In the last week, on the countdown board, only a bright red 7 remained. The senior year classroom would be used as the college entrance exam venue. When setting up the exam room, everything on the walls was covered with white paper.

The teacher left people behind to clean. Dust flew in the classroom. Someone accidentally choked and coughed out tears.

The first and second-year students had vacation, so they moved to the newly built teaching building for first-years, on the other side of the sports field.

In front of the classroom corridor was a river, across from it a patch of newly grown grass.

The stairway corridors on every floor were crowded with senior students. White paper cranes folded from book pages flew all over the sky. Some fell in the river and drifted away. Someone shouted toward the distance, causing laughter throughout the building.

Xu You passed through the crowd, carrying her backpack into the classroom, and found her new seat to sit down. This was a window seat where the last bit of sunlight could fall in.

The class was noisy and clamorous. She lowered her head to organize her books when someone suddenly stood beside her.

Xu You looked up to see Qiu Qingqing holding a classmate album. She waved her hand and asked playfully, “Can you help me write one?”

Qiu Qingqing placed the paper on Xu You’s desk.

“Ah, okay.” Xu You agreed quietly.

Qiu Qingqing stood beside her, waiting for her to finish writing.

“Xu You, actually I envy you quite a bit.” Qiu Qingqing suddenly seemed to think of something and laughed.

“What?”

“Xie Ci.” Qiu Qingqing’s voice was very relaxed, as if she had already let go. “Before, I actually felt quite upset.”

“………”

Xu You instantly gripped her pen tightly. All the color drained from her face.

Qiu Qingqing stared at Xu You’s dazed appearance, her voice very low.

“It wasn’t until later, when I saw how Xie Ci looked when dating you, that I realized he had never liked me at all.”

The afternoon before the college entrance exam, the classroom was empty and desolate. Books were piled messily on desks, with water bottles placed among them. Someone had scrawled lyrics in chalk on the blackboard.

You always said graduation was far away,

In a blink, we all went our separate ways.

Happy graduation.

June 7th, June 8th. They flashed by.

When the bell rang after the English exam, all the examinees poured out of each exam room, relaxed expressions on every face.

After enduring twelve years of studying hard behind closed doors, they were finally liberated at this moment.

Xu You carried a bottle of water and her stationery, following the crowd out of the school.

Everything was over.

When the final results came out, the teacher called first to congratulate her. The neighboring city’s two tied top science scorers were both in No. 1 High School’s Senior Class 0. Xu You was one of them. At the time, she was organizing things in her bedroom. Chen Xiuyun walked in holding the phone, her face full of joy as she told Xu You this news. Not long after, relatives all knew about this and congratulated her one after another. Chen Xiuyun and Father Xu sat in the living room dialing phone numbers one by one. The atmosphere at home hadn’t been this harmonious and happy in a long time.

Xu You didn’t remember what happened afterward very clearly. She was very tired that day. She took a shower and went straight to sleep. Lying in bed with nothing in her heart and her mind completely blank, she slept until almost noon the next day.

When Chen Xiuyun saw her get up, she put down what she was doing and asked with a smile, “What do you want to eat? Should I take you out to eat?”

“Mom, I’ll make some dumplings in the kitchen, then I have something to do this afternoon.” She said.

Chen Xiuyun frowned. “You finally finished your exam. Eat something good. Why eat dumplings?”

Xu You said, “I suddenly feel like eating them.”

The dumplings were placed in a thermal container. Xu You took them, left the residential complex entrance, and randomly boarded a city loop bus.

The bus was very bumpy. Her head leaned against the glass window, her eyes looking at every corner of this city.

An old man beside her asked, “Little girl, what’s wrong with you?”

“Ah, I’m fine. I just lost something.” Xu You’s words were only half out when tears fell first. She hurriedly wiped them away with the back of her hand.

The old man chuckled. “Eh… since it’s lost, don’t cry. Maybe you can still find it back later.”

The bus swayed and bumped through the streets and alleys. There were children in shorts running past with laughter, vendors selling things, the hot summer wind blowing on everyone. Sunlight filtered through brown tree branches reflecting green leaves, crushed ice in the bubble tea shop, teenagers riding bicycles with shirts billowing in the wind.

Xu You sat in her seat, lowering her head to scoop up dumplings one by one with a spoon and put them in her mouth to eat.

As she ate, she started choking up.

She lowered her head, crying while eating.

By the time the bus reached the terminal, the food should have been finished too. Then she forgot.

Actually, she still often thought of him.

She just restrained herself.

Grandmother died. Time slipped to after college entrance exam graduation, her parents divorced, then she went to Shencheng for university.

At the high school graduation party, Xie Ci didn’t appear either. Those few years passed too chaotically—even memories couldn’t be straightened out.

Xu You lived a bland and unoriginal university life. She skipped grades and was recommended for graduate school. Despite family opposition, she insisted on choosing the journalism major unrelated to her undergraduate degree. That day she had a huge fight with her father and sat alone on a park bench in pouring rain for an entire day.

It was also that day she thought of Xie Ci again. Then that day, she suddenly discovered that her favorite stray cats on campus had never appeared again.

So Xu You very calmly cried once, allowing herself to think about Xie Ci.

The matter between her and Xie Ci always felt like it was very early. So early that memory was covered with a layer of dust, and she herself could barely remember clearly.

She always thought she had forgotten. But carrying a thermos to the boiling water room, occasionally passing by the basketball court, even sitting in a breakfast shop quietly eating alone, brushing past boys wearing white basketball jerseys—in these countless unimportant moments, she always recalled him.

As soon as a thought appeared in her mind, it spread uncontrollably.

During those days when she couldn’t let go, sometimes she would think about going to find him. But thinking too much made her uncomfortable, so she forced herself not to think anymore.

Until the fourth year without seeing him, Xu You graduated from undergraduate university. She stood under blue sky, white clouds, and green grass.

That day, the sunshine was just right.

Only then did she realize he was just like that summer of senior year.

Once he left, he would never come back.

Whether she was doing well or not, whether she had forgotten him or not, Xie Ci wouldn’t come back.

From the beginning, she shouldn’t have had unrealistic thoughts.

She shouldn’t have been so hard on herself for so many years.

There were also the most difficult days when she even planned to accept others’ feelings and saw a psychologist. She had tried and made many efforts. Until one evening, Fu Xueli called saying she was going abroad and asked if Xu You would come back.

Before hanging up, Fu Xueli finally said, Xie Ci came too.

That day she had just returned to the dorm after studying in the library. After hanging up, she sat on the flower bed beside the building. Without lights, she stared blankly in complete darkness for a long time. The lights in the distant dormitory building turned on one by one, then dimmed one by one.

Even the dorm auntie was urging—the dormitory curfew was about to close.

Only then did Xu You come back to her senses. Tears had unknowingly streamed down her entire face.

Then she suddenly understood.

No matter how hard she tried, it still wasn’t enough. Even deceiving herself that she was doing well wasn’t enough.

Everything related to him—even hearing about it made her heart ache. She was too foolish. How could liking someone in this world be so simple?

Later she met a senior who told her that people who fall because of emotions are all trash.

So Xu You always remembered.

Gentle but uncompromising, calmly and unhurriedly being strong, living her own life.

Her own life. A life without Xie Ci.