She sat on the long bench, staring blankly at the tree in front of her. Only when a passing child accidentally bumped her leg did she snap back to reality.

Xu You slowly picked up her phone, coughed lightly a few times to adjust her voice to normal, then dialed a number. Her eyes fixed on a streetlamp by the road as she waited for the other end to pick up.

A few seconds later.

“Hello, Xie Ci, this is Xu You.”

“I know.” Xie Ci answered quietly.

“Mm.”

“…You—” The voice on the other end hesitated, with some uncertainty in his tone. “Are you calling me about something?”

Xu You asked, “Have you finished repairing my car?”

Xie Ci immediately answered, “It’s fixed.”

She said, “Where are you? I’ll come pick it up.”

“No need.” Xie Ci said, “It’s so late already. I’ll drive the car to you.”

After a moment, Xu You responded, “Alright, thank you for the trouble.”

They were as distant as if they were merely ordinary friends, exchanging courtesies, both protecting themselves with thick armor.

Xie Ci was silent for a while. “Where should we meet?”

More than ten minutes later.

A familiar Audi slowly pulled up to the roadside in front of her. Xie Ci opened the door and got out.

Xu You caught the keys he tossed over to her.

“Why are you alone?” He casually greeted her.

Xu You’s focus was fixed on her own shadow. Hearing the question, she raised her head after a moment. “I just got back from a business trip.”

“Oh…” Xie Ci instinctively straightened up and stopped talking, probably not knowing what to say.

He actually didn’t want to look at Xu You so directly and greedily, but somehow his gaze was compelled and couldn’t look away.

She wore an ordinary white dress, her hair hanging loose, her face plain and clean as always, without any extra adornment.

Xu You stood up, easing the momentarily frozen atmosphere. “How are you planning to get back?”

“What?” He’d been looking too intently and didn’t catch what Xu You said, still staring at her blankly.

The night breeze swept her skirt hem backward. Xu You looked at the taciturn Xie Ci after their reunion.

He was still tall and thin, identical to her memories, matching every detail.

An inexplicable sourness suddenly rose in her heart.

Time really was the best healing medicine.

No matter how deeply painful something had been, it could lightly smooth over the scars.

—

“Made up?” Pang Feng leaned against the doorway, arms crossed over his chest. “Went to see that ex-girlfriend who tormented you for years tonight?”

Pang Feng was one of the friends he’d made these past few years—not exactly the drinking buddies he partied with at bars until dawn. He was connected to Xie Ci’s uncle’s side and knew about his family matters.

Xie Ci had his hands crossed behind his head as a pillow, eyes staring at the ceiling, not answering.

Pang Feng talked to himself on the side, somewhat exasperated. “Will this ever end? I’ve never seen anyone as conflicted as you two. I don’t know if she still remembers you, but the way you are—secretly pining for her but not daring to speak up—are you even a man anymore?”

The chatter in his ears stirred up irritation in his heart. Xie Ci fumbled for his cigarette pack, pulled one out and held it between his lips, taking two drags.

The tobacco circled through his lungs and came out through his mouth.

“Don’t talk to me right now. It’s noisy.”

Xie Ci smoked several more cigarettes, paced back and forth in the room a few times, and finally couldn’t resist calling her.

“Have you gotten home?”

“Mm.”

“You…” Xie Ci crushed the paper cup beside him. “When do you have time? Let’s have a meal together.”

“Alright.” She agreed.

“Mm, then… goodbye. Get some rest early.” He didn’t know what else to say.

“Good night.”

As soon as he hung up, Pang Feng applauded from the side. “Xie Ci, you know what? You should have gone to the bathroom and made that call in front of the mirror.”

“Then you would have discovered just how awkward you were, and how your blushing face instantly made you look ten years younger.”

Xie Ci was slightly annoyed and tossed his phone aside. “Scram.”

Seeing Xie Ci’s surface impatience while his eyes couldn’t hide his joy at all, Pang Feng said with some envy, “Seems like you really do like her. Congratulations, congratulations. But that girl is also unlucky—how did she circle around for so long only to still run into you in the end?”

Xie Ci was in a good mood and didn’t care whether Pang Feng was mocking him. “Why don’t you go find someone too?”

“Forget that. I still want to linger among the flowers, enjoying life’s pleasures.”

—

That evening when You Lele came home, Xu You sat on the edge of the bed slowly peeling a pear, telling her about running into Xie Ci again.

You Lele was predictably excited. “Oh my God, how can you two be so fated?”

“Ah… why didn’t you tell me earlier? Otherwise when I went to the repair shop, I would have gotten a good look at what your first love looks like!”

“Do you think this is a good thing?” Xu You asked.

“Of course it’s a good thing.”

After all these years, Xu You had actually long given up hope. She’d only casually mentioned it to friends a few days ago, but she really hadn’t thought she’d run into Xie Ci again.

She sighed quietly.

You Lele looked at her and half-jokingly said, “You know that a plain, peaceful life isn’t always happiness, right? Life is short to begin with—of course it only has meaning if you live it vigorously with the person you love.”

Xu You asked, “Who told you I still like Xie Ci?”

“You said yourself you couldn’t forget him after all these years—isn’t that still liking him?” You Lele said nonchalantly. “Besides, you really can’t like anyone else anymore.”

—

Life still had to go on. Romance and moonlight were nothing but passing clouds.

Being a reporter was exhausting, and time flew by quickly. The whole day’s work was just “finding topics,” “on-site interviews,” “finding angles,” “writing articles,” “going to the frontlines.”

Everyone in the office was busy, but no one knew what they were busy with.

“Xu You, are you okay?”

Li Zheng’an waved his hand in front of her eyes. “What are you spacing out thinking about?”

He held a cup of coffee, passing by where Xu You worked. Zhang Lili, sitting across from Xu You, looked up and said with a smile, “She’s been spacing out all morning.”

“So free? Have you finished your articles?” Li Zheng’an asked.

Zhang Lili: “Sent to the editor-in-chief for review. Once it passes, it should go to the editorial department.”

“Pretty efficient.”

“Thanks to Xu You.”

Hearing them chat, Xu You lowered her head and pulled open a drawer, rummaging out a strip of cold medicine. She pressed out two capsules, picked up the glass beside her, and swallowed them with water down her throat.

She didn’t know why—maybe she’d caught a chill from the air conditioning—but it only acted up today.

This morning when she woke up, her head had been splitting. You Lele measured her temperature with a thermometer—low-grade fever.

Li Zheng’an, leaning nearby, saw Xu You’s poor complexion and asked with some concern, “You have a cold. Do you need to go get an IV? If you’re not feeling well, don’t push yourself. Ask the editor-in-chief for half a day off.”

At his concern, Xu You shook her head, too lazy to even lift her eyes.

Zhang Lili watched this scene and couldn’t help laughing. She asked Li Zheng’an with a smile, “You’re so free—help write some articles, won’t you? We two still have one about impoverished college students that hasn’t been written.”

“Do I look like such an easy mark?” Li Zheng’an joked about himself with a smile.

He was hinting at something.

Zhang Lili sighed inwardly—truly a case of unrequited love falling on deaf ears. What a pity, another one-sided affection.

Actually, working with Xu You during this time, Zhang Lili had discovered this girl had a different kind of emotional coldness. It wasn’t simply having no feelings for men, but being completely too lazy to accept anyone.

Actually, Xu You had soft, attractive features, and no shortage of pursuers around her.

Take Li Zheng’an as an example. He had proper features, a gentle personality, had been in this industry for a long time with many connections, and was said to be a rich second-generation too. When he first joined the news agency, Li Zheng’an frequently showed interest in Xu You intentionally and unintentionally, but the woman never accepted or responded.

What should have been a perfect match, a beautiful love story, ended up going nowhere.

At lunch in the cafeteria, Xu You casually got a bowl of noodle soup, not having much appetite.

She was holding a spoon drinking soup when someone suddenly sat down in front of her. Xu You looked up—it was a young girl.

This young girl was named Fan Qi, from the same university as Xu You. However, Fan Qi had joined the news agency right after undergraduate graduation, so she’d just entered the field. She wasn’t in the same department, making her half a junior.

“Senior.” Fan Qi called out to her with a face full of distress.

Xu You hummed in acknowledgment. “Got scolded again?”

From her expression, Xu You could roughly guess.

Fan Qi didn’t speak, which was as good as admitting it. She ate two bites of rice and said aggrievedly, “I really regret becoming an editor.”

“What happened?”

“Senior, I’m too tired. I want to resign.”

Opening the floodgates, Fan Qi began pouring out her grievances endlessly. “Every day I have to collect so many articles, arrange layouts, arrange headlines, help reporters revise article titles. You reporters don’t have to be in the office, you control your own time, you come and go freely. But we can only start working after you submit your articles. We leave work later and later each day. Yesterday I worked overtime until early morning, and this morning I got scolded by the editor-in-chief again. I really regret not taking the graduate school entrance exam. Studying is so much better than working.”

Hearing Fan Qi’s complaints, Xu You thought of her own internship days. She’d probably been about the same as this young girl now—because she was too busy, she’d dealt with breakfast casually, eaten fried rice or dumplings from small food stalls for lunch. For a long stretch of time, instant noodles were her main dinner food—just add boiling water, two packets at once, and that was pretty much filling.

Xu You comforted her, “All beginnings are difficult. You have to persevere in whatever you do.”

“I once saw something very touching on Tianya that I’ll share with you. I’ve also told you this many times—you should remember it yourself. The sun burns wherever you go. For any profession, outsiders only ever see the glamorous side. Actually, the darkness and hardships inside are unknown to anyone.”

She stopped there and said no more.

Standing by the venetian blinds in the office, looking down through the layers of gaps at the traffic below, Xu You spaced out, thinking of the question Fan Qi had just asked her.

“Why did you originally want to become a reporter?”

Why become a reporter?

This special profession of reporter.

Maybe it was an impulsive decision, but this profession did indeed give her many things she wanted.

Although there were many difficulties, she could get much more enjoyment from the work.

Constantly rushing about, understanding all aspects of society. Although very tiring, that sense of control over life, that spiritual fulfillment—these were incomparable to anything else.

The more she experienced, the more she admired some passionate veteran reporters. Xu You had never regretted any of her decisions. In these two years as a reporter, she’d seen a lot, heard a lot, and met many people, learning how to communicate with strangers.

Although she was often on the move, doing in-depth reports on things unknown to others, helping people who needed help and seeing the smiles on their faces—that was when she felt most accomplished and happiest.

—

A few days later, Xu You received a call. You Lele’s coffee shop’s Qixi Festival first love event had unexpectedly been successful beyond expectations.

The couple who ultimately won the coffee shop’s Qixi theme prize was a young newlywed couple—each other’s first love.

Under You Lele’s repeated insistence, after getting off work, Xu You detoured her car and parked it beside the coffee shop.

The purple wind chimes in the coffee shop rang. Xu You pushed open the door. You Lele was still sitting on a high stool, chatting enthusiastically with the newlywed couple.

The older people get, watching those around them rise and fall, come together and break apart, experiencing many ups and downs, the more indifferent they become toward relationships. So they liked hearing about these beautiful feelings of devotion from beginning to end.

You Lele pulled Xu You to sit down and said to the young woman, “This is my friend. Your experience is so similar to hers.”

“Really?”

You Lele nodded eagerly. “My friend was also a top student in high school, and her first love was also similar to your husband’s type.”

Xu You froze.

The woman in front of her was petite, leaning against the man beside her with a face full of happiness. She looked up at the man. “What a coincidence. But my husband was quite wild in high school—the most mischievous boy in our class. He’d even bully me sometimes. Even the teachers couldn’t control him.”

Hearing this, Xu You thought of something and smiled slightly. “Mine too.”

“Your first love?”

“Mm.”

“Then what a coincidence. My husband is also my first love. But we broke up after high school graduation. He went to join the army and never contacted me. He only came back from discharge last year.” Although the woman complained, the happy smile on her face was still beautiful.

Just then, the phone in her bag vibrated. She’d received a message from Xie Ci.

【Do you have time tonight?】

Xu You’s fingers paused.

The woman recalled the past, her eyes crinkling gently. “I don’t know if he saved the galaxy in his past life—such a good cabbage like me got snatched by this pig.”

The man who’d been silent glanced at his wife. “You’re the little pig.”

Xu You finished replying to the message, put away her phone, looked up and asked, “How long did you wait for him?”

“Wait for him?” The woman thought for a moment and said with a smile, “Actually I didn’t deliberately wait for him. It’s just that later I couldn’t like anyone else, so I simply didn’t date.”

Xu You fell silent.

After speaking, the woman somewhat embarrassedly held her husband’s hand and said to Xu You, “I don’t know if you’ll have this same feeling, but actually once you’ve seriously been in a relationship and then broken up, it’s generally very hard to like someone else again, and you don’t want to go through understanding someone all over again.”

Xu You’s heart shook hearing this.

“It’s like you’ve finished writing an essay, but the teacher says your handwriting is messy and makes you tear up your homework and rewrite it. Although you remember the beginning and content, you’d probably be too lazy to write it, because that one essay already exhausted all your energy. You were clearly just one ending away from finishing, but now you have to start over from the beginning. You’d definitely feel unwilling, right? I saw someone make this comparison online, and I remembered it deeply because I’m exactly that kind of stubborn person.”

Clearly just one ending away, but having to start over—you’d definitely feel unwilling, right?

—

Xie Ci drove to pick up Xu You. He didn’t speak the whole way.

During the red light intervals, he intentionally or unintentionally glanced at her through the rearview mirror. Xu You lowered the car window. The oncoming wind blew her soft hair.

Xie Ci asked, “What do you want to eat?”

She probably didn’t hear. With the window open, the sound of wind poured into her ears. Xie Ci deliberately slowed the car and asked again, “Xu You, what do you want for dinner?”

This time his voice was a bit louder. Only then did Xu You come back to herself.

In the end they went to eat Japanese cuisine. At the dinner table, the two basically chatted sporadically, all everyday matters, not touching on the minefield of the past.

She wanted to drink, so Xie Ci accompanied her.

Later on, Xu You seemed hungry and just focused on eating, occasionally saying a few words. What she said was mostly proper and conventional, not crossing any boundaries.

After finishing dinner it was already past eight. They walked out of the restaurant.

“Do you have something to do tomorrow?” Xie Ci asked her. “Should I drive you home?”

“Let’s walk for a bit.” After Xu You spoke, she turned around and walked in the opposite direction from where the car was parked.

The night breeze grew cooler.

Xu You’s head felt a bit dizzy—the alcohol she’d drunk earlier had strong aftereffects. She wore a floral bohemian sleeveless long dress, bare arms. Sandals on her feet, toes clean without any nail polish.

Passing by a shopping mall, people flowed in and out.

“Xie Ci.” She suddenly called him.

“What?”

“After you left Linshi, did you ever go back?”

Her sudden question caught him off guard. Xie Ci was silent for a long while before saying, “I went back.”

“Then why didn’t you look for me?” Xu You felt she had some drunkenness. She stopped walking and looked at him.

Only then did Xie Ci notice Xu You’s cheekbones were very red—a sign of being tipsy. He took the opportunity to lower his head, carefully examining her twice more, cautiously asking, “Xu You, are you drunk?”

The mall was playing a pop band’s song, heavy beats pounding like they were hitting directly on the heart.

The advertising sign overhead changed sides. The currently popular actress held her hand up to her face, the diamond ring on her ring finger sparkling brilliantly.

“Xie Ci, does it not matter to you at all?” Xu You just looked at him quietly like that.

So this was what it felt like to openly and frankly bring up the past to his face.

Xie Ci couldn’t smile anymore.

Xu You’s eyes reddened. “Xie Ci, didn’t you say back then that you’d rather die than break up with me?”

Rather die than break up.

Hearing these words, Xie Ci didn’t know what he felt in his heart. He knew he was too selfish, or too greedy.

At first when he saw her, he felt that if Xu You could forgive him and the two could become friends, occasionally staying in touch, that would already be enough. He had self-awareness about other things and didn’t dare hope for more.

But now, Xie Ci’s heart was beginning to struggle again…

“You said it yourself—you’d rather die than break up with me. But later didn’t you still just leave when you said you would?” She repeated it again, still choking up.

Without even one extra word, he’d just disappeared from her life like that.

She was probably really thoroughly drunk. Xu You felt her tears couldn’t be held back—no matter what, they couldn’t stop surging out.

Xie Ci was left at a loss by the sudden interrogation. “I’m sorry. Something happened with my family at that time.”

After a long while, she finally found her voice. “That fight was the same—you just left without a word. You had something going on—couldn’t you have told me directly?”

Xie Ci fell into brief silence. “I was wrong back then. I’m sorry, Xu You.”

“I’m sorry, Xu You. It was all my fault.” He repeated it once more.

“Then why are you looking for me again now?” She pressed him.

“I hope you can give me one chance.” Xie Ci’s heart accelerated bit by bit.

She was drunk, her brain reactions slow. Hearing these words, she had no reaction at all, just remained silently wordless.

“Can you give me one more chance?” Xie Ci said. Having not coaxed a woman in all these years, he had no experience and was truly clumsy, left only with the most innocent instinct. “I won’t make you sad anymore.”

She stood with her back to him, arms folded, seeming cold. Xie Ci couldn’t see her expression.

“From the very beginning when we met, you forced me to do many things I didn’t like.”

Xu You kept her head lowered, without preamble, as if beginning to talk to herself.

“I saw you fighting. You were very fierce, so I was afraid of you and didn’t want to provoke you. I knew we were different, so I tried not to interact with you. But later, all the good things you did for me, I remembered them too. You came to find me in the parking lot, accompanied me back to see Grandma, ran downstairs to bring me candy. I thought you were foolish, but you lived very happily, completely opposite from me. You always liked to confidently do many things in front of me, but they all failed. You tightened my water bottle—I deliberately pretended not to know. You came home with me—I also pretended not to know. You stole glances at me in class, took my used pens to hide them—I pretended not to know all of it.”

The latter words, even she herself hadn’t noticed, had already softened in tone.

Recalling the past bit by bit, her heart still ached with sharp pains.

She remembered once having a meal with You Lele, the two of them talking about their high school days. You Lele talked about her dean of students, the mischievous boys in class, and the homeroom teacher who always liked to lecture about grand principles in class. She talked and laughed heartily.

Xu You listened quietly.

“Xu You… I might be getting older now. I’m becoming more and more fond of reminiscing about the past. I think high school life was especially beautiful. Although we were tired every day, back then it felt like everything we did was worthwhile.” You Lele sighed as she laughed.

“Mm.”

She said, “And the boys back then, although they were all immature, they were also simple. When they liked someone, they’d wholeheartedly treat that person well.”

“But it seems young girls all prefer boys who are a bit rough around the edges. I liked that type too, but I don’t know how to describe that feeling. Being rough is a kind of temperament—without that certain swagger, you’re just a hooligan.”

And so, Xu You suddenly thought of her own seventeen or eighteen years old.

Stuffy afternoons, lazy cicada chirping, boys sleeping with heads on desks.

From the classroom next door, you could still occasionally hear the sound of reading aloud. The leaves outside the window were more abundant than the sunlight.

Back then, Xu You would eat dinner at the school cafeteria in the evenings.

They hadn’t been divided into class tracks yet. Every time after eating, she’d walk back to the classroom building. He’d just finished playing basketball and would go upstairs with friends. Xie Ci’s side was always excessively lively, surrounded by a large group of people. The stairs were wide—Xu You walked on the left, they walked on the right. Xie Ci held a basketball, and as he talked with others, he’d get closer to her. He’d glance at her from the corner of his eye—she’d deliberately not see him.

On occasional days, Xu You would deliberately take extra detours, deliberately avoiding them before returning to the classroom building. Xie Ci would always lean on the corridor railing, with the brilliant golden evening glow behind him, his face full of roguish smiles as he whistled at her. At times like this, the other boys standing in the corridor would all join in the jeering and laughter.

Xu You remembered the way he smiled.

Eyebrows slightly raised, lip corners deeply dimpled. His pitch-black eyes very bright, childish yet charming.

“Later, I thought you might be a bit cute, although you were always joking around and never serious. But back then I always felt you were too immature. Now thinking back, I was young at the time too, not understanding anything except studying. I’m not very good at expressing my feelings, so I probably also made you doubt our relationship. You have your pride, I have my self-respect. You weren’t without resentment, I wasn’t without sorrow or joy.”

Xu You kept her head lowered. He saw that she seemed to be crying.

She remained silently wordless, head not lifting, tears still falling drop by drop.

Xie Ci stared at his shoes wordlessly, feeling like his heart was being held in someone’s hands and crushed.

She was a kind judge.

And he was being executed by a thousand cuts.

“Your past—I don’t sympathize with it at all, nor do I pity it, because it was all your own choice. No matter whether you’re glorious or fallen in the future, I bless you. I respect all your choices. It’s just that—”

Xie Ci spoke with difficulty. “Xu You…”

“You always treated me in ways you thought were right, but none of it was what I wanted.”