1

Gao Xiang emerged from the parking lot carrying Baobao, preparing to enter the Ocean World, when he suddenly spotted Sun Ruodi, whom he hadn’t seen in a long time. He stopped in his tracks. Sun Ruodi happened to turn around at the same moment. After a brief pause, she walked over: “Gao Xiang, hello.”

“Hello.”

She reached out to touch Baobao’s head, smiling: “Wow, Baobao has grown so big, he must be three years old now?”

“Yes, he just turned three three months ago.”

“That’s right, I remember his birthday is at the end of December.” She leaned closer to Baobao, “Hi, Baobao, hello, I held you at your first birthday.”

Baobao tilted his head looking at her. Gao Xiang smiled: “Call her auntie, Baobao.”

Baobao suddenly spoke: “Are you my mommy?”

Both Gao Xiang and Sun Ruodi were shocked. Baobao blinked innocently and said to Gao Xiang: “Grandma showed me a photo and said she’s my mommy, that she went far away and can’t come back.”

Sun Ruodi was stunned, then couldn’t help but laugh. Gao Xiang didn’t know whether to laugh or cry: “Baobao, she’s not your mommy, she’s daddy’s friend.”

Baobao stared intently at Sun Ruodi again. Sun Ruodi said gently: “Baobao, maybe I just look a little bit like your mommy.”

This explanation gave Baobao some relief: “Mm, my mommy wears a red dress, has very long straight hair, and is prettier than you.”

Sun Ruodi touched her recently permed shoulder-length hair: “That must be true.”

Gao Xiang felt extremely awkward and handed him to the nanny behind him: “Baobao, say goodbye to auntie, go wait ahead, daddy will be right there.” After the nanny took Baobao away, he said: “I’m sorry, Ruodi. My mother created this ridiculous mix-up. It must be that Baobao asked her, and she randomly used your photo to pacify the child.”

“It’s nothing, I understand auntie. Adults really don’t know how to tell such a young child that his mother has passed away.” She suddenly changed the subject, “So you still have my photo?”

He smiled bitterly: “Did you throw all my photos into the shredder?”

“Not really, but I put them all in a shoebox, and might never open it again.”

“That’s not a bad way to handle it. I’m glad you’re not upset about this. How are things now?”

“Not bad, changed jobs, joined an advertising company, busier than before. I’m here at Ocean World today to discuss advertising plans. What about you?”

“Same as before, busy with work and taking care of the child besides.”

She seemed thoughtful, and after a while said: “Seeing you holding Baobao and talking to him just now, your fatherly love showing, so gentle I could hardly believe my eyes.”

Gao Xiang smiled: “I can consider myself a basically competent father. I don’t need to be modest about that.”

“How is Baobao’s health now, has he had the radical surgery?”

At this question, Gao Xiang’s mood became somewhat heavy: “No. Last September, we were planning to do the surgery, but as soon as they opened his chest an accident occurred. His heart stopped briefly, and they only managed to resuscitate him with electric shock. The doctor had to abandon the surgery and sew him back up.”

Sun Ruodi was very surprised and sympathetic: “What will you do?”

“These past six months, his condition has been very poor, with repeated lung infections and physical weakness. The doctors don’t dare risk operating on him again, and my mother is also afraid of another such incident. I really shouldn’t have brought him here, but keeping him shut in at home, he gets bored too. When children from the neighborhood who’ve been here brag about it, he keeps pestering me to bring him.”

“Oh, poor Baobao. You and your mother must be working so hard.”

“I’m alright, my mother really worries tremendously about Baobao.”

Sun Ruodi sighed: “Auntie is truly remarkable, she’s the most loving grandmother I’ve ever seen.”

Gao Xiang completely agreed with this. Chen Zihui might be an inadequate mother, an overly indulgent older sister, but her love and persistence for Baobao was indeed the biggest reason this sickly child had managed to hold on until now.

“Thinking that I almost really became Baobao’s mother, that feeling is really… quite strange.”

Recalling the past, both felt somewhat melancholy. Sun Ruodi forced a smile and changed the subject: “You have a new girlfriend, right?”

He shook his head: “No time to consider that.”

She bluntly criticized him: “That sounds too arrogant.”

“What about you?”

“Someone is pursuing me,” she admitted frankly, “but we haven’t reached the stage of formally dating yet.”

He sighed: “I really want to generously wish you well, but honestly, it leaves a bit of a bad taste.”

“Come on, you’ve probably long since forgotten me.”

He said gently: “I won’t. You were my first girlfriend, Ruodi.”

She could only force a smile: “Well, at least I occupied your first love, whoever it is can’t take that away. By the way, how is Xiao An now?”

Gao Xiang was silent for a moment: “She went to America with her mother last August.”

Sun Ruodi couldn’t help but be surprised. At that moment Baobao was frantically waving at Gao Xiang from a distance. He waved back in acknowledgment: “I have to go, Ruodi. Let’s stay in touch when we have time.”

She nodded with a complex expression: “Goodbye.”

Gao Xiang spent two hours with Baobao at Ocean World, bought him the complete set of dolphin toys he wanted, and finally convinced him to leave. By the time they got home, he was already exhausted and asleep. Gao Xiang carried him back to his room and placed him on the small bed. Chen Zihui wiped the sweat from his forehead, saying lovingly: “Baobao is really close to you. When I take him to the park, he doesn’t play this wildly.”

He gestured for his mother to come out: “Now he can’t even walk a few steps without having to squat down. The surgery probably can’t be postponed any longer.”

Chen Zihui’s face turned pale: “I’m really afraid of what happened last year, when he almost… died on the operating table. His body may be weak now, but at least there’s no danger to his life.”

“Mom, the doctor said as he slowly grows, the burden on his heart will only get heavier, and the vascular malformation will become more serious.”

“Then we absolutely can’t go to that hospital from last time.”

“Right, I’m asking a newly acquainted friend to collect information in this area, to see where would be best for the surgery.” He then asked her, “Why did you show Baobao Ruodi’s photo and say she’s his mother?”

Chen Zihui didn’t take it seriously: “When he was hospitalized last time, he suddenly pestered me asking why that little friend called Guoguo had a mother with him, while he only had grandma and daddy, and where was his mother? I had to say his mother went far away. He still wouldn’t let it go, asking what his mother looked like.” She spread her hands, “I had no choice but to show him a photo of you and Ruodi together.”

Gao Xiang said helplessly: “You’re always so fluent at making up lies without a draft. Didn’t you think about what to say when Baobao grows up and keeps asking? Besides, Ruodi also lives in Hanjiang City. Didn’t you think about what to do if they ran into each other?”

“What are the odds of that? I only showed him the photo once. Kids forget things in a flash.”

“Forget in a flash?” Gao Xiang sneered. “We ran into Ruodi today, and Baobao directly called her mommy.”

Chen Zihui was stunned, then actually laughed, clearly finding this quite amusing: “Why don’t you just get back together with Ruodi? I’m still very satisfied with that girl.”

Gao Xiang said irritably: “She already has a boyfriend. I’ll say it again, don’t meddle in my affairs, and stop making up stories for Baobao.”

Chen Zihui snorted: “Even if your father and I got divorced, I’m still your mother. I have the right to be concerned about your affairs.”

Mentioning his father, Gao Xiang was at a loss for words: “Grandfather has repeatedly advised you not to bring up divorce. Dad came last time, why did you shut him out again?”

“I have nothing to say to him. He’d better have the sense not to come bother me anymore.”

“If he really had the sense not to come, you’d be even angrier, finding fault and calling him for another big fight.”

“After what he did, I didn’t kill him or kick him out of our Chen family, he should be thanking heaven. He still wants to live peacefully and enjoy wealth? Not a chance.”

“Dad isn’t enjoying wealth. He works harder than anyone at the company, even Grandfather acknowledges that.”

“That’s what he should do. Don’t expect me to forgive him because of it.”

Gao Xiang looked at her gnashing her teeth and could only shake his head: “Is there any point in making such endless trouble?”

“I’ll say it again, I can never forgive him.”

“Fine, whatever you want. I didn’t say anything.”

Gao Xiang knew that getting Chen Zihui to let go of her obsession was almost impossible. He could only be grateful that at a certain age, he might still be troubled by his parents’ relationship, but it was just trouble. What truly pained him were other matters.

He had his own obsession.

Even Chen Zihui, who couldn’t exactly be called observant, had noticed this. Whether it was trying to drag in random people to introduce girls for him to date, or hearing Sun Ruodi’s name and wanting them to get back together, Chen Zihui just wanted him to forget Zuo Si’an. But he couldn’t do it.

Zuo Si’an went to America. Gao Xiang didn’t even know which specific day she left.

Before she left, he had gone several times during dismissal time to the Normal University Affiliated High School, parking his car a bit farther away, watching Zuo Si’an come out. Once he saw that tall boy who played basketball meet her, accompanying her to the bus stop and seeing her home. Other times she was alone. She stood quietly among the passengers waiting at the stop, her heavy schoolbag slung over one shoulder, making that shoulder tilt slightly. When her bus came in, she never jostled with others, always getting on last, then appearing in a window in the middle of the bus, raising her hand to grab the handrail, silently looking ahead.

He knew that after persuading Zuo Si’an to accept her mother’s arrangement, this kind of surveillance seemed pitiful, but he couldn’t bring himself to give up completely. He couldn’t forget her calm, dim eyes after she agreed to go to America, such a stark contrast to her bright, burning appearance in the park.

By late August, Baobao was scheduled for surgery. As soon as he was on the operating table, an accident occurred and he nearly died. Their entire family was terrified, and Chen Zihui almost had a breakdown. During that time, he stayed constantly at the hospital. By the time Baobao could finally be discharged, when he went to the school again, he could no longer see Zuo Si’an. He drove to her apartment building—no one was home. His mind went completely blank.

She had left just like that, silently, without calling him to say goodbye as he had instructed, without leaving a contact number, as if determined to completely disappear from his life.

Autumn passed to winter, then a new year began. After a brief spring came another long hot summer. Life continued its cycles. Gao Xiang continued working, caring for Baobao, maintaining a regular routine. But inside he had a gap that only he knew about, which hadn’t healed with the passage of time.

He returned to Qinggang on business and found Jingjing at Qinggang Middle School. Sure enough, Zuo Si’an was still corresponding with her. Jingjing told him: “I got a letter from Sister Xiao An last month. She said her English has improved a lot, and she can understand eighty percent of what’s said in class. Oh, and she said many high school students there drive, so she’s also planning to get her driver’s license.”

He noted down the address from the airmail envelope Zuo Si’an had sent: Portland, Maine.

After returning home, he searched online and learned that there are at least two cities called Portland in America—one in Oregon, more famous, one of America’s largest cities; the other was where Zuo Si’an went with her mother, a city in Maine with only sixty thousand people.

Qinggang County where he was born had four hundred thousand people. Hanjiang City where he currently lived had seven million residents. He really couldn’t imagine what life would be like in a small city with only tens of thousands of people.

Eastern port city, one hundred and seventy kilometers from Boston, on Casco Bay, established in 1632, renamed in 1786, historically suffered four major fires—the information Gao Xiang could find about this city was almost blank in its simplicity.

After multiple baptisms by fire, the city’s motto was in Latin: Resurgam, meaning: I shall rise again.

His gaze fell on these words.

Had Zuo Si’an been reborn there?

2

Maine ranks thirty-ninth in area among the fifty U.S. states, sparsely populated. Portland was already the state’s largest city and commercial center, but by Chinese standards, it could only be considered a quiet small town. The city was almost entirely white, with very few Asian faces.

Yu Jia worked as a postdoctoral fellow at a private geological research institution in Portland, Maine. After Peter returned home first, he had applied for a teaching position at a liberal arts college near Portland. Zuo Si’an transferred into a local public high school, becoming the only Chinese student in the entire school. She had long adapted to relative solitude and didn’t find this unfamiliar environment—different from others and lacking communication—difficult to endure. But she still struggled with language. Students like her who had only completed tenth grade in China would generally choose to start from tenth grade in America, but after Yu Jia looked at American high school math textbooks and found them too simple—hardly a problem for students from key Chinese schools—and considering that Zuo Si’an had already lost a year by taking leave in ninth grade, she required her to enter eleventh grade directly.

Eleventh grade is the most intense year of American high school. In sciences, Zuo Si’an’s foundation built in China was solid enough. Even if she could only understand half, it wasn’t too problematic. What gave her the biggest headache was English and Social Studies. The required reading for English class was almost all material she had never encountered before, and the American social and political structures covered in Social Studies left her completely bewildered. Moreover, American high school teaching often used discussion methods. In one class, struggling to understand others’ statements was already beyond her capacity—she had no way to join in. Combined with her introverted personality and dislike of participating in debates or actively expressing opinions, academic pressure became psychological pressure, and her insomnia grew more severe.

Yu Jia had always demanded the same high standards in academics for others as for herself, unable to recognize the existence of pressure. She believed all problems in studying could be solved through hard work, and Zuo Si’an’s problems, in her view, were simply insufficient effort, lack of established goals, and failure to enter a focused learning state.

She repeatedly reminded Zuo Si’an that by twelfth grade, she would face college applications, and if she wanted to successfully apply to good universities, she must work even harder. Zuo Si’an had no habit of explaining to her mother to seek understanding, nor did she know how to explain. She could only struggle on.

Peter, who visited regularly, noticed something was wrong with Zuo Si’an’s mental state. But following American thinking, Peter believed Zuo Si’an’s problem was psychological trauma that hadn’t received timely treatment, leaving her in a closed state, unable to establish effective communication with her surroundings. Zuo Si’an’s coldness toward him further convinced him of his judgment.

He discussed this with Yu Jia. Like most Chinese science and engineering people, Yu Jia was naturally skeptical of all unproven theories. Hearing Peter suggest having Zuo Si’an see a psychologist, she immediately frowned: “Xiao An is just introverted. It’s not like she has a mental illness requiring a doctor.”

Peter smiled: “I know your culture is reluctant to discuss psychological issues, but everyone needs help. Seeing a doctor is a way to seek solutions, it’s not scary. I was very depressed after my divorce and saw a psychologist for two years before I could move on. So I really admire how you can independently handle all your pressures—you’re incredibly strong.”

“We have our own ways of dealing with problems. Xiao An won’t even talk to me about what’s on her mind, how could she possibly agree to talk to a doctor?”

“Sometimes victims have a sense of guilt, attributing all responsibility to themselves. If this emotion isn’t released through some channel, it’s very harmful. If she doesn’t like formally meeting with a psychologist, there are other options. As far as I know, schools generally have full-time psychological counselors who are professionally trained, and students can make appointments for counseling. Or she could join a support group for sexual assault survivors, where people with similar experiences talk and discuss anonymously, which can help her emerge from the shadow more quickly.”

When Yu Jia encountered danger in Guizhou, she had told Peter about her daughter’s situation. After his shock, Peter showed great sympathy, which gave her some comfort. But on the other hand, Peter’s uninhibited style of discussion troubled her somewhat. Coming from a conservative society, hearing direct terms like “sexual assault” made her wince. She believed time could solve all problems and never discussed what happened with her daughter, much less wanted to bring this matter out for public discussion.

But Peter meant well and made sense. After careful consideration, she tried to bring it up with Zuo Si’an. Zuo Si’an was stunned, then flew into a rage: “This was Peter’s idea, wasn’t it?”

She couldn’t deny it: “He’s also concerned about you.”

“Enough. You told me not to mention it, to treat it like being bitten by a mad dog, to forget it as quickly as possible. Why did you tell him? Don’t you two have anything else to talk about except using me as a topic?”

Yu Jia knew arguing would only anger her daughter more: “No, I haven’t discussed this matter with him much.”

“Then what right does he have to interfere with my life?”

She could only say: “It’s just a suggestion. I’m only asking your opinion. Maybe you need this kind of help.”

“Fine, let me tell you clearly now: I won’t see any psychologist, and I won’t join any group. Please tell him to stop meddling in my business.”

After that, Zuo Si’an was even colder to Peter. Peter was baffled. Yu Jia only said vaguely: “Let’s give her some space and let her slowly adapt to the environment here.”

Any simple handling method has a seemingly crude side, but also undeniable efficiency. The first semester ended in late November. Easter connected with Christmas and New Year. During the holidays, Yu Jia insisted on working, while Zuo Si’an spent all her spare time studying, desperately reading in large volumes and doing listening exercises.

When the winter term from January to March started, she discovered her English ability had improved by leaps and bounds. Understanding teachers’ lectures was no longer a problem, and she truly began adapting to the environment. After spring break, the summer term from April to June began. Zuo Si’an’s math grades caused a sensation in her class. After easily solving several math problems that the teacher said were college-level several times, her classmates looked at her with some admiration. The teacher also privately attributed this to “Asians are indeed good at math.” This greatly alleviated her anxiety.

She thought, they hadn’t seen someone with true mathematical ability like Liu Guanchao—a real academic genius—which was why they found her performance incredible. Thinking of Liu Guanchao naturally made her think of life back home.

Zuo Si’an left in late August. Only a few days before leaving did she call Wang Wanyi to say goodbye. Wang Wanyi was very interested in the topic of studying abroad, saying her family was also planning to send her to England after high school graduation. She hoped Li Yang’s family would make the same arrangements.

She didn’t say goodbye to Liu Guanchao. After he told her about his sister, she no longer knew how to face him. She thought that for him, her departure was probably also a relief.

Xu Weiming only learned the news from Wang Wanyi the day before she left. Of course he was surprised and angry, barging into her home where she was packing alone. He demanded to know why she didn’t inform him. She looked apologetic and said:

“I thought you’d forget me quickly, no need to specifically say goodbye.”

Her expression was sincere, without the coldness and affected coolness Xu Weiming had expected. He didn’t know whether to laugh or cry: “You always think my feelings are shallow.”

“Of course not. I envy you, actually. Your mind and body are both so healthy and cheerful—that’s wonderful.”

“Even if you want to praise me, you don’t need to use such an old-fashioned tone.”

He squatted down to help her pack, then suddenly said he had something to do and rushed out. Half an hour later he ran back and handed her a brand new cloth teddy bear: “You’re packing that old one in your suitcase to take with you, so it must have special meaning, right? I’m giving you a new one to see how long it can keep you company.”

She took it and couldn’t help smiling: “Actually, my mom gave me that one when I was in elementary school. She was always so busy, almost never had time to buy these little things, so it still has some special meaning for me. I always kept it by my pillow. If I had a nightmare, waking up to see it, I’d know I was still lying in my bed at home, that it was just a dream.”

Xu Weiming rubbed his nose: “When I try to be romantic in front of you, why does it always seem a bit comedic?”

“I’ll also keep this teddy bear by my pillow.”

He laughed heartily: “Okay, try to keep it for a while, and try not to forget me too quickly.”

The two sat side by side on the floor. He suddenly leaned over to kiss her. She flinched away in surprise, but when she looked up, she only saw him enveloped in sunlight, looking clean and healthy. She had always been keenly sensitive to malice, but from this sometimes rascally handsome boy she felt no threat at all. Moreover, she clearly remembered when Gao Xiang kissed her, she was in a nearly unconscious state. In comparison, Xu Weiming’s touch on her cheek was almost without sexual meaning.

“Looking at me like that, how can I continue?”

“Stop pretending to be bad. You’re not really bad.”

He glared at her: “Next you’re going to praise me for being a good person, right?”

She said softly: “Thank you.”

He felt somewhat discouraged: “Definitely not thanking me for kissing you unforgettably.”

She laughed: “Thank you for keeping me company during this time, thank you for skipping school to see me off.”

The old and new teddy bears sat side by side by Zuo Si’an’s pillow, helping her through long nights of insomnia or haunting nightmares in a foreign country.

Various memories entangled her. She knew she wasn’t as carefree and forgetful as Xu Weiming imagined. Her only connection with home was corresponding with Jingjing. Trapped all day in a jungle of English, receiving Jingjing’s fluent Chinese writing about school life, travels between Liu Wan and Qinggang, new books she’d read, small troubles and loneliness—it always brought comfort and subtle joy. She was also willing to share part of her life with this girl: new teachers, city scenery, the ocean, weather, oddly-behaved classmates, English poems she liked, an interesting music teacher… Of course, only part of it. There was a place in her heart she didn’t intend to open to anyone, let alone see a psychologist or have mutual aid exchanges with strangers.

Yu Jia’s work was extremely busy and demanding. She often spent over twelve hours daily in the lab. Except for Peter’s regular visits for meals, the mother-daughter life was almost the same as in China. Both did major shopping on weekends, ate breakfast at home each morning, made sandwiches for lunch to bring along, and prepared simple dinners. After eating, each returned to their rooms to continue working and studying.

Peter half-jokingly reproached Yu Jia: “Darling, I understand your pleasure is in work, but you can’t make a girl live this Puritan lifestyle like you.”

Yu Jia disagreed: “What’s wrong with this? Before the college entrance exam, I lived this way too.”

“No American kid would choose to live like this. Youth is so short, wasting it all on homework, shut up at home—such a waste.”

Zuo Si’an came out for water and happened to overhear. She frowned at first, but couldn’t help smiling. She still didn’t want to communicate with Peter, but had to admit he was a good person—friendly and generous. Except for being overly enthusiastic, which made her keep her distance, she had no other opinions about him.

Summer vacation came. Zuo Si’an began working summer jobs like the local kids. In summer, Portland filled with tourists, making it easy to find vacation work. This day she came home from work, helped Yu Jia make dinner as usual, washed dishes together after eating, then prepared to return to her room. Yu Jia stopped her: “Xiao An, let’s talk.”

“About what?”

But Yu Jia wore a hesitant expression, as if not knowing where to begin: “There’s something I hope you won’t blame me for.”

Zuo Si’an focused slightly and smiled bitterly: “You two are planning to get married?”

Yu Jia thought, having an overly sensitive daughter really had mixed benefits. She nodded: “After we marry, we’ll move to the house Peter bought in the suburbs. Your school will be a bit farther, but I can pick you up and drop you off.”

Zuo Si’an’s face slowly paled. Although after her parents’ divorce she had known this day would come, her mother formally confirming the complete negation of the previous marriage through remarriage still left her unable to accept it. She said nothing and returned to her room. For the next few days, she didn’t speak to Yu Jia, even avoided eye contact.

Yu Jia didn’t want this cold war with her daughter and forcibly stopped her: “Xiao An, try to get to know Peter, communicate with him, then decide if you can accept him.”

“No need,” Zuo Si’an finally spoke, “I can’t accept a new father.”

“You don’t have to treat him as a father, you just need to… accept him as family.”

“I don’t need new family either. But I have no right to object. I’ve thought it over—after all, marriage is between you and him, you don’t need to ask my opinion.”

“We’ll be living together from now on. I certainly hope to have your understanding.”

She looked at her mother and said flatly: “Whether I understand or not doesn’t matter anymore. Mom, next year I’ll go to college. We only have one more year living together. I hope everyone respects each other’s privacy.”

Yu Jia could only say: “I know his interference in your matters made you very unhappy, but he meant well. I’ll remind him to be careful.”

Contact with her father seemed completely severed. Zuo Si’an sighed sadly in her heart, but even if her mother didn’t remarry, separated by thousands of miles with infrequent contact, when they occasionally talked on the phone, after asking “how are things recently” and exchanging the most basic updates, they had little to say.

She understood—she couldn’t get back her father’s unconditional love. Blaming all this on her mother would be unfair. In the end, this was the life her mother chose. What right did she have to pretentiously express opinions?

She remembered what Peter said: What kind of life did she want to choose?

She remembered the choice she had once tried to make, could only smile bitterly: It seemed life hadn’t given her much right or opportunity to choose.

3

Just entering November, Portland’s weather began turning cold. The summer tourists flooding Maine for vacation and autumn visitors to New England including Maine to see maple leaves had all successively departed. The small town returned to tranquility.

This afternoon, Zuo Si’an came home from school earlier than usual. As always, she took dinner ingredients from the refrigerator, then made milk tea and sat in the kitchen reading To Kill a Mockingbird, assigned for English class. After massive reading, her English reading ability had improved rapidly. This book was told from the perspective of an exceptionally clever and lovable girl, depicting a racial case in a small Southern American town, written very engagingly.

She was absorbed when the doorbell suddenly rang. Usually there were no visitors at this time. She opened the door with some surprise and was stunned. Standing on the porch was Gao Xiang, the cold wind blowing his hair and the hem of his windbreaker.

Both stared intently at each other. After a long time, she still couldn’t speak. He smiled slightly: “I drove from Boston. Seeing it was still early, I thought you probably hadn’t gotten out of school yet, so I rang the doorbell to try my luck.”

“This afternoon the teachers have seminars, once every two weeks. I was supposed to babysit for Mrs. Brown, watch her child, but her son Xiao Ben has chickenpox these days, so Mrs. Brown decided to care for him herself.” She suddenly realized he was still standing outside, “Oh, the temperature is very low and you’re dressed so lightly. Come in quickly.”

She walked in, looking around: “Very beautiful house.”

“Peter bought it. He and my mom got married two months ago.” He looked at her. She shrugged, “It’s nothing. I’ll be going to college next year, won’t be living here much longer.”

“You seem to have grown a bit taller.”

She smiled: “You seem to say that every time you see me. But I’m now five feet six inches, about one meter sixty-seven.”

“That’s a good height. Don’t grow any taller.”

“Girls here are mostly taller than me. I’d actually like to grow taller, but I’m already eighteen, so the possibility of growing more isn’t great. Come, sit over here. I made milk tea.”

She led him to the kitchen, poured him a cup of milk tea. He picked up the book she’d casually placed on the counter: “No problems with English now?”

“Pretty good.”

“How do your classmates treat you?”

“Most classmates are very friendly. I’m the only Chinese person in the whole school. I can understand their curiosity about me.”

“And your studies?”

“Also good. Although not all A’s, it’s enough to make the teachers here praise me to the skies.”

“I knew you could do it.”

She hesitated, then finally couldn’t help asking: “How did you come to Portland? It’s November, long past the season for tourists to come see lighthouses and eat lobsters. Maine’s winters are famously long and freezing cold.”

“I happened to have business in New York.”

“If you had business in Boston, I’d believe you came to see me on the way.”

He looked at her and smiled, frankly admitting: “I got the address from Jingjing. I came specifically to see you.”

Joy rose little by little from her heart. Her emotions flowed from her eyes. She still tried to control it, saying in a flat voice: “I told you, no one would mistreat me. You just won’t put your mind at ease.”

He examined her carefully again. She wore a red checkered shirt, blue-gray pullover sweater, blue jeans and snow boots, hair still in a ponytail. Under his gaze she felt somewhat uneasy and suddenly said: “Gao Xiang, let’s go.”

“Where?”

“I’ll take you out to look around.”

Gao Xiang had rented a Ford. Zuo Si’an requested to drive. He handed her the keys. She skillfully started up and drove to the Old Port district, the center of Portland, with beautiful old buildings but very empty. Only occasionally did pedestrians pass on the brick-paved roads.

“Is it always this deserted here?”

“After tourist season ends, it’s like this. I wasn’t used to it when I first came. But now I quite like this quietness.”

She stopped in front of an Italian bakery, also without many customers. She ordered coffee and a type of long pastry. When Gao Xiang reached for money, she stopped him: “My treat. I earned lots of money working this summer.”

He was amused by her expression of small pride and satisfaction, letting her pay. They sat at a corner table. “They say the espresso here is very authentic. Try it.”

Gao Xiang tasted it and nodded in agreement: “Really good.”

She smiled happily: “In summer I came to this shop once for ice cream. Delicious, but a small cup costs four dollars—too expensive. Oh, this pastry actually has ice cream inside. Try it.”

She brought the pastry to his mouth. He didn’t particularly like sweets, but under her eager gaze still took a bite, watching her eat the rest without reservation in big bites, also feeling inexplicably happy.

“You really should come in summer. I can treat you to lobster. This state’s slogan is: ‘We’re Really Cold, But We Have Cheap Lobster.'”

She gestured with her hands, “Each one is this big, freshly cooked. Eating one fills you up completely. And lobster rolls are also delicious.”

“You’re treating me completely as a foodie.”

He suddenly raised his hand, wiping cream from the corner of her mouth with his index finger, pausing briefly on her lips. Her face flushed red. Covering her fluster, she said in a cheerful tone: “Come on, let’s go see the lighthouse. That’s Portland’s symbol—it would be a shame to come and not see it.”

Portland was indeed a small city. Driving only ten minutes or so, they reached Williams Park where the lighthouse was located. They got out. Looking around, they were the only tourists in the park. The sea wind blew so hard they could barely stand. Waves crashed against the shore. The sea surface was shrouded in thick fog spreading continuously. Everything around was gray. Leaden clouds churned restlessly. The sky began sprinkling fine rain.

“In this weather, no wonder there aren’t many tourists.”

“Yes, when the weather is clear it’s actually quite beautiful, but in winter it’s like this. This is Stephen King’s hometown. Have you read his novels?” He shook his head. She said, “He’s a locally-born horror novelist. I think the horror atmosphere in his novels is somewhat related to the climate here.”

They walked against the wind to the famous lighthouse, looking up. Next to the white tower body were several classic buildings with red roofs, white walls and porches, very elegantly matched. Zuo Si’an was already shivering from cold, her voice trembling as she acted as tour guide: “Maine has a long coastline with many lighthouses, but this one is most famous, built in 1791…”

“Alright, alright.” Gao Xiang interrupted her, pulling her into his embrace, wrapping his windbreaker around her, “You’ve fulfilled your duties as host, but in this weather if you keep showing me around, I’m afraid you’ll catch cold.”

Her eyes lowered, she said nothing. He suddenly wanted to kiss her trembling eyelashes, could only control himself with effort. Just as he was about to speak, she suddenly raised her head, pressing her ice-cold cheek to his face: “I really miss you, Gao Xiang.”

He could no longer restrain himself and held her tightly.

Dark clouds converged from all sides. Heaven and earth were empty. Looking around, all was vast and desolate. The sounds of howling sea wind and surging waves mixed together with a magnificence beyond all control, making them feel as if in a world transcending reality. At the dawn of creation, all they had was each other’s embrace.

Zuo Si’an suddenly said: “Come on, I’ll take you somewhere.”

Gao Xiang had no interest in sightseeing, and was someone who never gave up plans and control. No matter where he went, he had to ask the purpose clearly and grasp the direction. But at this moment he suddenly felt willing to ask nothing and go anywhere with her in this unfamiliar country.

They held hands, running quickly out of the park, got back in the car. She first drove to a house several blocks away and stopped, asking Gao Xiang to wait in the car. She got out and knocked on the door, said something to a tall brown-haired girl who laughed heartily, looked toward the car, then quickly retrieved a key and handed it to Zuo Si’an.

She returned to the car and continued driving. Soon she turned onto the coastal highway. Maine’s coastline stretched long. The beach was full of dark gray jagged rocks. Ahead, fog swirled. Among trees, typical New England style houses were scattered along the roadside. It should have been very pleasant, but under the gloomy weather, everything in sight seemed very austere and desolate.

After driving only about twenty minutes, they reached a small town. Along the way were bars, restaurants and gift shops, but almost all were closed. Like Portland’s downtown, nearly empty. Not a soul in the small town, quiet almost to the point of unease. Zuo Si’an passed through the town to an independent cottage by the sea, opened the door and entered. Before them was a small living room.

“That was my classmate Sarah. This is her mother’s B&B—Bed and Breakfast, a small family inn providing breakfast and lodging. Really small, only five guest rooms total. It operates until the end of October each year, then closes until spring the next year when it receives guests again.”

While explaining, she efficiently pulled open curtains and opened the inner blinds, then familiarly retrieved firewood from a small storage room by the kitchen, arranged it in the fireplace, struck a match and lit the wood. Red flames instantly leaped up. The room immediately had warmth.

They sat on the sofa by the fireplace. She seemed a bit reserved, pointing out the window: “Over there is Old Orchard Beach. Other beaches in Maine are very rough with too many rocks. Only here is a flat sandy beach. Many tourists come to sunbathe in summer. I worked in this town all summer vacation…”

He suddenly interrupted her, pulling her into his embrace, holding her tightly, bowing his head to kiss her. This was the first time he kissed her without any restraint. This kiss was long and lingering, to the point of suffocating both. When he finally released her, she was already in a dazed state.

Outside the window were dark cloudy skies, seawater shrouded in thick fog surging and undulating. Beside them, dry pine burned in the fireplace, occasionally making soft crackling sounds. He bowed his head gazing at her. She lay in his arms, eyes flowing uncertainly, lips moist and slightly swollen, face flushed, chest rising and falling gently. She raised her hand, touching his eyebrows, eyes, nose, caressing the stubble just emerging on his chin, then slowly moving down along his throat. He caught her hand and bit the base of her thumb. She shrieked, scrambled up, fiercely bit back on his lip. The pain made him gasp. Only then did she release him, saying softly into his ear: “Did you miss me?”

“Of course I missed you, I’ve been thinking about you all along. I ran all this way here—certainly not to see the lighthouse.”

“After so long you finally say you miss me. I hate you.”

She sat on him. Her breath tickled him. He was stirred into passion, kissing her again, feeling her sweet breath and body trembling. He removed her sweater. She obediently raised her hands to cooperate. He continued kissing her, caressing as he unbuttoned her shirt. She wore a conservatively styled white bra without any decoration. Below her slender neck, her collarbones were delicate. Firelight danced, illuminating her young skin exceptionally smooth and soft. Her gently rising chest had beautifully curved lines that drove him wild with desire. He laid her on the sofa, kissing his way down with burning passion, caressing her. Suddenly he noticed her hand was tightly covering her lower abdomen, unwilling to move. He paused slightly, only then noticing her eyes were tightly closed, body tense, no longer the passionate, confused state from just now. It wasn’t even simple shyness and nervousness, but being in some deep fear.

He slowed his pace, gently licking and caressing her, trying to make her relax. But she suddenly struggled free, turned and sat up, grabbed her shirt and put it on, randomly buttoning it, holding her head with both hands, curling into a ball.

He froze, reaching out to hold her trembling body: “I’m sorry, Xiao An. If you don’t want to…”

“I am willing, otherwise why would I bring you here? I want to give myself to you, but…”

“Shh, no need to say more. It’s okay, I understand.”

But she couldn’t stop: “I can’t do it. I’m sorry, really sorry. I thought I could do it, but… I didn’t mean to.” She burst into tears.

He held her from behind, waiting for her to slowly calm down. Then he reached toward her abdomen. She had cried herself weak all over, unable to stop him. His hand accurately found that raised, knotted scar on smooth skin and stopped there.

“I know what you’re afraid I’ll see, and I know what you’re afraid of. It’s okay, Xiao An.”

She cried until she couldn’t catch her breath, only able to gasp with her mouth open. He buried his head in her nape, saying: “We can take it slowly.”

She didn’t speak for a long time. When she finally managed to calm down, she said: “We don’t have time to take it slowly. You’re just here to see me and will leave soon.”

“I’m leaving the day after tomorrow.”

“I know.”

He turned her face around, looking directly into her eyes, saying softly: “I still have matters to handle in New York. I can’t stay long this time, but I’ll come back soon, Xiao An.”

She held back tears, struggling to manage a smile: “You don’t need to humor me. I was too emotional just now. I’m really fine. I mean, I hope you’ll come see me again, but you don’t need to go to so much trouble running back and forth. New York isn’t that close to here.”

“Xiao An, I’m not just occasionally coming to see you. I mean, I’ll try to stay in America and be with you.”

She stared at him incredulously, digesting what he said. Flames in the fireplace leaped erratically. Light also flickered in her eyes.

“Really?”

“Of course it’s real.”

She threw her arms around him, overjoyed: “Then I can apply to universities in New York.”

4

When Gao Xiang brought Zuo Si’an home, it was already late at night. They walked onto the porch. Zuo Si’an had just taken out her key when Yu Jia had already opened the door, clearly having waited a long time.

Zuo Si’an said uneasily: “Mom, I’m sorry. I should have called home.”

“Teacher Yu, hello. I’m sorry, I didn’t pay attention to the time and brought Xiao An back late.”

Yu Jia immediately regained composure, gesturing for her daughter to go in: “It really is too late. Whatever needs to be said can wait until tomorrow. Goodbye.”

Gao Xiang understood that Yu Jia didn’t want to say much before clarifying his intentions. He returned to the car. After a while, a light came on in a second-floor bedroom. Zuo Si’an stood at the window, waving to him. Only then did he start the car and drive away. Before coming, he had already booked a hotel in downtown Portland facing the harbor, and easily found it to check in.

Early the next morning, Yu Jia came over, called Gao Xiang’s room, asking him to come down to the lobby coffee shop to meet.

“Sorry to wake you so early.” Yu Jia said straightforwardly, “But hearing from Xiao An that you’re leaving tomorrow, and I have a meeting tonight, I could only catch you before work to talk.”

“No problem.”

“When did you come to America?”

“About a month ago.”

Yu Jia pointed out bluntly: “That is to say, you didn’t come to America specifically to see Xiao An, right?”

Gao Xiang hesitated slightly: “Actually, I brought my son to New York for examination, to see if surgery is possible.”

“Son? You’re married?”

Gao Xiang didn’t know whether to laugh or cry: “I’m not married. He… is that child. I adopted him.”

Yu Jia finally realized. The day Zuo Si’an gave birth at Qinggang County Hospital, she hadn’t looked at the baby and didn’t feel any need to. Hearing the doctor announce the newborn might have heart problems, Chen Zihui immediately made a scene. Aside from deep anger and disgust, she had no other thoughts. From bringing Zuo Si’an home, she had instructed her daughter to forget that incident. She herself practiced what she preached, truly never actively thinking about anything related to it. Hearing now that the child Gao Xiang mentioned was actually her daughter’s, and by extension blood-related to herself, she suddenly felt somewhat unsettled.

“He has severe congenital heart disease. He had surgery twice, at six months and two and a half years old, but wasn’t cured. I consulted more than one authoritative expert in China. The conclusion was that his congenital heart disease symptoms are complex, especially underdeveloped left ventricle—relatively rare in China, making it difficult to determine a surgical plan. A friend introduced New York Presbyterian Hospital as relatively advanced in cardiac surgery, with extensive experience handling left ventricle problems. So I brought him here. This past month has been continuous examinations and consultations. Only yesterday could I find time to see Xiao An.”

“You left that… child alone in New York?”

“My mother is watching him. I’ll return to New York tomorrow to confirm the surgical plan and timing with doctors. Surgery should be around mid-December.”

“You didn’t mention this to Xiao An?”

“No, I only said I came to New York on business.”

“Very good.” Yu Jia quickly changed the subject. “It’s very thoughtful of you to come see Xiao An. But I must say, she finally began adapting to life here. You coming and going in a rush, she’ll likely be distracted again for a long time.”

“Teacher Yu, do you think your daughter is happy?”

Yu Jia was stunned: “She’s very good now—studying hard, basically past the language barrier, getting along well with classmates. Give her a bit more time, she’ll definitely integrate well into life here.”

“This counts as happiness?”

“What else do you want? She’s already eighteen, soon an adult. She needs to consider her future and prospects, establish goals to work toward. Of course she can’t have the carefree happiness of childhood.”

Gao Xiang discovered that discussing emotional experience with someone whose mind was too rational was truly difficult. He had to change approach: “Xiao An said you hope she’ll attend University of Illinois Urbana-Champaign.”

“Yes. Xiao An has taken both SAT and ACT exams with very good scores. School teachers say they’ve never seen such a diligent, talented student. Of course Americans have a habit of exaggerated speech and praise people without restraint, but you can see Xiao An really is talented in academics.” Discussing this, Yu Jia showed the same pride as any mother. “If she hadn’t only attended American high school for two years without complete grade records, and rarely participated in social activities, she could definitely apply to quite good schools, even get full scholarships. There are many excellent universities near Boston. University of Illinois Urbana-Champaign perfectly fits my requirements—science and engineering rankings are among the world’s top, and as a public university, tuition is relatively low. It’s a very good choice.”

“So these are all your thoughts.”

Yu Jia said seriously: “I understand what you mean. Peter also says to respect Xiao An’s thoughts. But I haven’t imposed my opinions on Xiao An. She can also propose her ideas for comparison to see which is more reasonable and beneficial to her future development.”

“In fact, we also discussed this yesterday.”

“You’re just visiting and leaving. Please don’t influence her decision-making.”

“If I’m just visiting and leaving, of course I have no right to say anything. But after treating my son, I plan to stay in New York for an MBA. I hope Xiao An can come to New York. There are also excellent schools there.”

Yu Jia froze, staring at Gao Xiang, seeing his expression was serious, without any casual intention.

“Do you know what this means?”

“I know. I love Xiao An and hope to be with her in the future. In China, we might face criticism, but this problem doesn’t exist in America.”

“You’ll still face family opposition.” Yu Jia said coldly. “Never mind others—your mother absolutely cannot accept your choice.”

“I’m an adult. Since I’ve made this decision, I’ll certainly take responsibility for my choice.”

Yu Jia was stunned, somewhat flustered: “So, you’ve already discussed this with Xiao An?”

He nodded affirmatively.

“I’ll ask you a question. I hope you can answer honestly.” Yu Jia leaned forward slightly. “Xiao Gao, was this your plan before coming to Portland, or a decision you made yesterday on impulse?”

Yu Jia hit the key point. Gao Xiang momentarily couldn’t answer.

Of course, Baobao’s congenital heart disease was extremely complex. Bringing the child to America, his original intention was entirely medical treatment. But thinking that Zuo Si’an was also in America, longing in his heart became irrepressible. After settling his mother and Baobao, he immediately came to Portland. His thinking was simple: see her, and if she was well, he could leave with peace of mind. But any careful plan couldn’t withstand changes in reality. Almost at the moment he rang the doorbell and saw Zuo Si’an appear before him, he understood that although she indeed seemed well—healthy, upright, more open in conversation than before, adapting very well to the environment—he had nothing to worry about. Yet he could no longer do as he’d envisioned: turn and leave without further concern.

Yu Jia saw his hesitation clearly and said decisively: “I cannot entrust Xiao An to arrangements you made on a whim.”

“Teacher Yu, making this decision may have taken little time, but that doesn’t mean I’m acting on impulse. I’ve always loved Xiao An. What she experienced and her age are taboos for us being together, but she’s now over eighteen. Please give her the right to decide her own life.”

“You want me to let her decide her own life, as if I’m a dictatorial mother. But you suddenly show up saying you’ve always loved her, that you’ll stay in America, asking her to come to New York—you’re clearly using your influence over her to sway her decision. Is that fair to her?”

“Before leaving the country, Xiao An came to find me, saying she wanted to stay. At that time I very much wanted to keep her. You also mentioned I have some influence over Xiao An. Believe me, Teacher Yu, if I had said that, she absolutely would not have left with you. But she wasn’t an adult. I couldn’t abuse her trust in me and keep her in an awkward, difficult situation. Now that I’ve made this decision, I’ll certainly be responsible to Xiao An.”

“Responsible?” Yu Jia scoffed. “I’ve always believed everyone being responsible for their own life is truly responsible living. Let me ask another question. Secretary Hu told me your family’s company in Qinggang is developing very rapidly. Will your family allow you to put down work to study in America?”

“If I can’t even resolve this issue, how dare I presume to suggest Xiao An come to New York?”

“She’s only eighteen, Gao Xiang. She’s very sensitive, very introverted. She finally adapted to life here, hasn’t had time to make many friends. When you say you’ll stay in America for her, I don’t doubt she’ll be very moved. Not to mention having her study in New York—even if you asked her to go to Africa, she’d probably agree. But I can’t let her act so impulsively on emotion.”

“What if being with me makes her happier?”

“Happiness isn’t life’s only goal. She’s not mature enough, hasn’t seriously planned her future. How many children don’t later regret impulsive decisions made at eighteen?”

“You can’t use this reason to deny her right to make decisions.”

“Don’t lecture me on principles. I can certainly expound more than you. I consider myself not a fussy woman. I expect my daughter to move past unpleasant experiences, become an independent, autonomous person. At the appropriate age, meeting the appropriate person, beginning a healthy relationship. Not completely relying on you at eighteen, even wasting time and sacrificing self-respect to seek your family’s recognition.”

Gao Xiang admitted that, as always, Yu Jia’s logic was rigorous. What she said made complete sense both emotionally and rationally. The only thing she didn’t consider was the impact of the very emotions she didn’t value. “I’ll accompany Xiao An through university—four years. By then she’ll be mature enough, and I’ll have resolved all obstacles. She has the right to change her mind anytime. I’ll respect her decisions, and I hope you give your daughter the same respect.”

Yu Jia didn’t persist stubbornly. She checked her watch: “I need to get to the lab. Gao Xiang, I’ve always respected you, so I’ll tell you frankly: I don’t agree with Xiao An being with you. I’ll use my power to prevent this. At the same time, please think carefully. Don’t act on emotion. Rational, reasonable choices are good choices.”

Gao Xiang nodded slightly: “I’ll take my decision seriously.”

Yu Jia stood up. When turning to leave she stopped again, seeming hesitant, but finally said nothing more and left directly.

Gao Xiang returned to his room, standing with arms crossed at the window, looking out. Within view was the harbor where various cruise ships and sailboats were moored. Like yesterday, the sea surface was shrouded in thick fog. Clouds churned. Still an overcast day.

When leaving New York, Chen Zihui had asked suspiciously where he was going. He simply answered to see a friend. His expression was stern, so Chen Zihui said no more. But he could imagine that if he proposed studying in America, Chen Zihui would certainly firmly oppose it, and family members mostly wouldn’t support it either.

However, he wasn’t acting on impulse. When he looked into Zuo Si’an’s eyes and said he’d decided to study in New York, when Zuo Si’an went from disbelief to overjoyed delight, his heart was also full of happiness. From childhood, his life had always run on tracks arranged by family—attending key middle school, being admitted to a good university, entering the family company after graduation to do marketing. Not one item truly went against his will, but not one came entirely from his own choice. Falling in love with Zuo Si’an was the first thing in his life completely beyond his control.

With his long-held respect for rational living, he wasn’t surprised he would sympathize with and pity this girl, but he hadn’t anticipated his emotions would one day escape willpower’s control. Knowing all the taboos, all the opposition, his mind repeatedly telling himself to stop, indeed repeatedly restraining himself, withdrawing and leaving—yet still unable to eliminate love’s growth.

In this world, acting on emotion is definitely not praise for an adult man. But Gao Xiang asked himself: What reason did he have to keep suppressing growing emotions in his heart, giving up himself, living according to others’ expectations?

Yet simultaneously another voice in his heart asked him: Was his persistence truly fair to Zuo Si’an? As Yu Jia said, she’d been hurt, was in prolonged solitude and self-healing, easily moved. Was she being swayed by his decision? Was his decision best for her?

At that moment, the door was gently knocked and twisted open. Zuo En’an appeared in the doorway, wearing a red down jacket, blue jeans and snow boots, full of energy. She rushed over and hugged him. Just as she was about to speak, she suddenly stopped and looked at him carefully: “If you’ve changed your mind…”

He didn’t know whether to laugh or cry: “You’re always so sensitive. I have no secrets from you. I don’t change my mind so easily. By the way, don’t you have school today?”

“You’re leaving tomorrow. I want to be with you. I’m a good student. Taking one day off occasionally, the teacher won’t mind at all.”

“Alright, I don’t mind either.”

He bowed his head to gaze at her. Her curved eyes brimmed with smiles, joy flowing between her brows. He was deeply affected, immediately relieved, telling himself he had made the right choice.

5

After returning to New York, Gao Xiang spent Thanksgiving there.

Chinese people had no concept of this holiday, but on this day New York had an extraordinarily lively parade that attracted large crowds of citizens braving the cold to watch.

He had brought Baobao to New York Presbyterian Hospital for treatment. After staying in a hotel for a few days, considering that seeking medical treatment would require quite a long time, he rented an apartment near Central Park to settle down. The grand Thanksgiving parade procession happened to pass right below their residence. He held Baobao at the window to watch. Baobao was so happy he danced with excitement, repeatedly demanding to go downstairs.

Outside the weather was cold. Chen Zihui, afraid he would catch a chill, firmly refused, coaxing him: “Baobao, be good. We can see so clearly from here. Many people would want to claim this window spot at our home.”

Watching Baobao press his face against the window, Gao Xiang and Chen Zihui exchanged a glance, both somewhat dejected.

All of Baobao’s test results had come back. The doctor cautiously told them he had pulmonary atresia type Tetralogy of Fallot, ventricular septal defect combined with pulmonary atresia, severe malformations in several places in the pulmonary artery with reflux phenomenon. Although the previous shunt surgery had relieved his hypoxia symptoms, it had also missed the best timing for radical surgery. Now myocardial damage had appeared, pulmonary artery pressure had risen. If surgery wasn’t performed promptly, pulmonary hypertension would likely occur—a catastrophic situation for congenital heart disease patients. The experts had devised a surgical plan to repair the atrial and ventricular defects step by step, perform pulmonary artery fusion, resolve the reflux phenomenon, and completely cure his heart disease through one surgery. But the operation would be very long and carried certain risks.

Chen Zihui immediately shed tears: “It’s all my fault. If I had listened to that other expert earlier and had Baobao undergo radical surgery sooner, it would have been better. At least he was small then and had no concept of pain. Dragging it on and on, at two and a half he unnecessarily suffered an extra surgery and nearly lost his life. Now he has to suffer so much more, and maybe his condition has been delayed.”

“Don’t think like that. The doctors here haven’t negated his previous treatments either.”

Gao Xiang’s mood was equally heavy. He knew clearly that the surgical risks—though not translated in detail—were obvious to them. Accepting treatment naturally held hope for cure and recovery, but each surgery was a walk on the edge of life and death. This nearly four-year-old frail child still hovered on the line between life and death, fate unknown. No matter what choice they made, nothing was foolproof. All faced possible poor outcomes and future regrets.

At that moment Baobao excitedly clapped and shouted: “Mickey Mouse! Mickey Mouse!”

Sure enough, a huge Mickey Mouse balloon rose right to the window, followed by various cartoon characters, controlled by performers below with strings, passing one by one before the window. Baobao couldn’t help but reach out to touch them, but could only touch the glass, and started fussing about wanting to go out.

“Good boy, when your body is completely better, daddy will take you to Disneyland. The performances there are even better, okay?”

Baobao was finally pacified and continued watching the bands and cheerleading performances downstairs.

Gao Xiang’s phone rang. He took it out and saw it was a call from Zuo Si’an. He handed Baobao to Chen Zihui and walked to the bedroom to answer.

“I’m watching the New York Thanksgiving parade broadcast on TV. So lively.”

“The parade procession is passing right below where I’m staying.”

“You’re living by Central Park.” She suddenly felt the distance between them didn’t seem that far. “Portland is having heavy snow. It’s very quiet outside.”

“Is your mom still angry?”

Zuo Si’an’s voice lowered: “Yes. Seeing that I applied to the Baruch College of the City University of New York for accounting, she almost went mad with anger.”

Gao Xiang frowned: “Your grades are very good. You should apply to Columbia University or New York University.”

She was silent for a while on the other end of the phone.

“Don’t hide anything from me, Xiao An.”

“The two schools you mentioned are of course very good, but they’re both private universities with expensive tuition. The chance of getting a full scholarship is very small. Plus New York has high living costs—at least fifty thousand dollars a year. My mom is doing postdoctoral work, earning only about thirty thousand dollars a year. She works excellently and is said to have hope of becoming a formal researcher next year, when her income will rise. But after all, she’s already married to Peter and has to pay the mortgage. She can’t spend all her money on me. I can only apply to public universities.”

“Don’t worry about tuition.”

“No, we already face enough problems. I can’t use your money.”

He gently reproached her: “We’ve decided to be together, and I suggested you come to New York. You shouldn’t draw this line with me.”

“I’ll get the same education at a public university. Baruch College is also good.”

“Why did you choose accounting? I remember your mom said she hoped you’d develop in academic research.”

“Baruch College emphasizes business, without many basic science majors. Accounting is also good—excellent job prospects. Many students work on Wall Street.”

“Xiao An, I don’t want you to make one ‘also good’ choice after another because of me. You should choose the school and major you’re most interested in.”

“But I’ve already chosen: what I’m most interested in is ‘you.’ People can’t be too greedy. I don’t mind anything else.”

He couldn’t help laughing, yet felt moved: “Think about the school matter again. After all, if you attend a better university, your mom will be less angry.”

After Gao Xiang finished the call and returned to the living room, the parade procession downstairs had already passed. Baobao was watching cartoons intently. Chen Zihui glanced sideways at him: “You went out for three days, and since coming back you’ve been deliberately avoiding me when making calls.”

Gao Xiang hadn’t told his mother he’d gone to Portland to see Zuo Si’an. He planned to wait until Baobao’s situation stabilized after surgery before discussing his plan to stay in America with his family. But he knew that while Chen Zihui might be careless in other areas, her sense of smell was keen in this regard. He just didn’t want to discuss it at this time. “Alright, isn’t it time for Baobao to take his medicine?”

“You don’t need to remind me. I’ve already given it to him. I do need to remind you—don’t let yourself be seduced.”

He said displeasedly: “Surgery is the day after tomorrow. Why talk about such things?”

Mentioning surgery, Chen Zihui immediately became worried and couldn’t concern herself with anything else. She glanced at Baobao and said in a low voice: “These days my mind has been restless. I’m really afraid, don’t dare think too much. When I do think, I can’t sleep at all.”

“Alright, alright, no need to think too much. It will be fine.”

“I heard there are temples and Buddhist halls in New York’s Chinatown too. I want to go burn incense tomorrow.”

He didn’t know whether to laugh or cry. During this time, whenever Chen Zihui passed a church, she would go in to pray, light a candle, and put some money in the donation box. Now she wanted to specially go to a temple to burn incense. But he couldn’t bear to mock his mother’s last-minute clutching at straws.

“If you want to go, then go. As long as it puts your mind at ease.”

In mid-December, Baobao underwent surgery as scheduled.

Although Gao Xiang and Chen Zihui already had multiple experiences waiting outside operating rooms, being in a foreign country, they still endured the most agonizing seven hours. Chen Zihui couldn’t sit still for more than five minutes, constantly pacing back and forth. Gao Xiang repeatedly went downstairs to buy coffee. When the surgery finally completed successfully, both were utterly exhausted. Chen Zihui’s vision went black and she nearly collapsed.

The doctor told them that although Presbyterian Hospital was famous for cardiac surgery, Baobao’s complex Tetralogy of Fallot surgery was clinically rare. Though Baobao had passed through this surgery, they still had to observe his post-operative recovery. It was too early to draw conclusions.

Gao Xiang and Chen Zihui took turns accompanying Baobao at the hospital, traveling between hospital and apartment with anxious hearts, also becoming aware that Americans were gradually entering the atmosphere of Christmas. All of New York’s attractions, department store windows, office buildings, and communities were without exception dressed up beautifully and newly. Everywhere were tall beautiful Christmas trees and Christmas-themed lighting, with Santa Clauses distributing small gifts throughout the streets. After special care and repeated examinations, by Christmas Eve, Baobao finally transferred from ICU to a regular ward. The doctor announced the child’s condition had basically stabilized.

Gao Xiang and Chen Zihui were very happy. To let Baobao also spend a happy Christmas holiday in the hospital, and to celebrate his upcoming fourth birthday, Gao Xiang obtained the hospital’s permission, bought back a Christmas tree, placed it in a corner of the ward, hung various decorations, piled gifts underneath. When the colorful lights came on, Baobao was indeed very happy. This year New York’s winter couldn’t be called cold, nor was there the long-awaited white Christmas everyone hoped for. On Christmas Day, they stayed in the hospital watching Baobao unwrap gifts and accompanying him watching Sesame Street. Baobao leaned on the bed and fell asleep. Chen Zihui also dozed off leaning to one side.

Gao Xiang turned off the TV, preparing to go out and call Zuo En’an. Looking up, he was unexpectedly surprised to see Yu Jia and Zuo En’an actually standing outside the ward’s glass door. He was truly greatly shocked.

6

Yu Jia firmly opposed Zuo En’an applying to universities in New York. Seeing that she had actually applied to City University of New York made her even more furious. However, whether she analyzed the school situation item by item, advised her daughter not to act on emotion, or angrily expressed disappointment, Zuo Si’an remained very calm, just listening, neither refuting nor showing any intention to obey or compromise.

Peter advised her not to interfere excessively with her daughter’s choices. She said angrily: “This isn’t just about giving up great prospects to apply to an inferior school. Most importantly, I cannot allow her to be with that person.”

“Good Lord, you’re stubbornly adorable. Your daughter is eighteen. I know in Asia parents have authority and make decisions for their children no matter how old they are, but it’s not like that in this country. What university children attend, what kind of people they’re with—parents can express opinions, but they’re just opinions. Generally speaking, children simply won’t listen. The only thing you can probably do is tell her that if she doesn’t attend the university you expect, you won’t provide tuition.”

Yu Jia was irritable and had no sense of humor left: “I can’t do that.”

“I know, I know. My suggestion is don’t create a rift with your daughter, otherwise she’ll only move faster in the direction you dislike.”

“I also can’t do nothing and just watch her make mistakes and get hurt.”

“Some harm is probably the price of growing up, unavoidable.”

“But some harm costs too much—no one can afford it.” Yu Jia’s face darkened. Peter could only raise his hands to indicate he was taking back that statement: “That’s not what I meant. But speaking of which, New York is quite a fantastic international metropolis. Security has improved these years. If you ask young people in Portland, probably most would yearn for that place. It’s very normal that Xiao An wants to go to New York. Public universities in New York City certainly aren’t very strong academically, but business programs are acceptable. Maybe if you go see the schools in New York, you’ll change your view.”

Yu Jia couldn’t explain to Peter in detail what it would mean if she allowed Zuo Si’an to be with Gao Xiang. But Peter’s words somewhat reminded her, and a plan suddenly formed in her mind.

On Christmas Eve, after dinner, Yu Jia went to her daughter’s room and said calmly to Zuo Si’an: “Tomorrow we’ll go to New York together.”

Zuo Si’an was stunned: “What for?”

“Peter’s ex-wife and children live in New York. He wants to go see his children. Since you want to study at a New York university, let’s go together. Seeing clearly what environment you’ll face can’t hurt.”

Zuo Si’an knew her mother never liked wasting time on pointless things. Her willingness to go see schools seemed to indicate a softening stance, which naturally made her happy: “Then I’ll call Gao Xiang.”

“No need. I said I don’t approve of you being with him and don’t want his interference. After we’ve looked around, you can contact him.”

The next day they set out, first driving to Boston, then taking a long-distance bus to New York. Four hours later they arrived in New York. It was already four in the afternoon. Peter went to see his children, agreeing to meet at the reserved hotel in the evening.

Yu Jia took Zuo Si’an on the subway. Zuo Si’an studied the route map: “That’s not right, Mom. The school isn’t in this direction.”

“I know. I’m taking you somewhere first.”

From leaving home, Yu Jia had maintained an expressionless face. Zuo Si’an had vague misgivings in her heart. Now her unease kept growing: “Where exactly are we going?”

“New York Presbyterian Hospital.”

“What are we going to the hospital for?”

“I told you, taking you to see clearly the environment you’ll face.”

“I’m not going.”

Just then the subway pulled into a station. Zuo Si’an wanted to get off. Yu Jia grabbed her, her voice low but clear: “You have the courage to stubbornly insist on walking your chosen path, but don’t have the courage to open your eyes and see what’s waiting for you ahead?”

She froze, turning to look at her mother. As usual, Yu Jia’s eyes were firm and unquestionable. Under such a gaze, all her cowardice and hesitation seemed trivial. She said nothing more, silently following Yu Jia all the way. They got off at the station and arrived at New York Presbyterian Hospital.

After Yu Jia inquired with nurses, she reached a ward and stood outside the glass door, gesturing for Zuo En’an to look inside. Gao Xiang sat on a sofa to one side of the ward reading a newspaper. On the bed lay a middle-aged woman and a small boy side by side, both apparently asleep.

Zuo Si’an stared fixedly at this scene, unable to look away or speak.

Yu Jia said softly: “You’ve met his mother, no need for me to say more. The little boy sleeping beside her is the child you gave birth to that year.”

Zuo Si’an felt as if struck by lightning, her body trembling. She turned to leave. Yu Jia stopped her: “You can’t be like your father—when encountering reality you don’t want to face, taking an evasive attitude and just walking away.”

She looked at her mother painfully, unable to speak.

“That child has congenital heart disease. Gao Xiang brought him to New York for surgery. He didn’t mention it to you at all. Of course I could also not mention it, but that doesn’t mean they don’t exist.”

“Stop talking.”

“Self-deception has no meaning, Xiao An. Even if that child returns home after surgery, even if Gao Xiang’s mother also goes back and Gao Xiang stays alone, do you think you’ll only face him alone? His grandfather is someone’s father, his mother is someone’s sister, that child has half of someone’s blood—these people are all his family. He may love you, but do you think you’ll be more important in his heart than they are? Will he sever relations with them for you? Are you really psychologically prepared to face all this?”

Zuo Si’an couldn’t answer this string of questions. She unconsciously turned her head to look into the ward again. At this moment Gao Xiang put down his newspaper and stood up, turned off the hanging TV, then covered his mother and the little boy with a blanket. He took out his phone, checked the time, casually looked up, and his eyes happened to meet Zuo Si’an’s outside the ward. He was stunned and immediately walked out.

In his urgency, Gao Xiang grabbed Zuo Si’an away from the ward, angrily lowering his voice: “How did you get here?”

Zuo Si’an was distracted, unable to speak. Yu Jia said calmly: “Let go of my daughter. I brought her here. She had no idea what she would see.”

Only then did Gao Xiang notice Zuo Si’an’s deathly pale face and dazed expression. He felt both heartache and anger: “Teacher Yu, how could you do this? My son just came out of intensive care and can’t handle stimulation. Your daughter too…”

“Don’t worry, I didn’t plan to go in and make a scene. I just wanted Xiao An to see clearly everything she has to face.”

He turned to Zuo Si’an: “Xiao An—”

Hearing him call her, she seemed to be struck heavily by a palm, snapping out of her dazed state. She looked at Yu Jia, then at Gao Xiang. Just as Gao Xiang was about to speak, she broke free from his hand and shook her head: “I don’t want to hear anything. Let me be alone for a while.”

She suddenly turned and ran. Both Gao Xiang and Yu Jia were stunned and hurried after her. But she quickly entered an elevator and the doors closed. They had to wait for another elevator. By the time they got down to the first floor, Zuo Si’an had vanished without a trace.

Gao Xiang glared at Yu Jia: “Please think about where Xiao An might go?”

Yu Jia was silent. This was a question she couldn’t answer.

“Does she have her phone with her?”

Yu Jia shook her head. Gao Xiang’s heart sank. Having stayed in New York for nearly three months, he of course knew that the New York subway was the world’s largest and most complex public transportation system, with over twenty routes, carrying over four million people daily between five boroughs. Finding someone in there was like looking for a needle in a haystack. All they could do was wait for Zuo En’an to come back on her own.

“Teacher Yu, do you know how cruel this is to your daughter?”

“You’re hiding everything from her—is that being kind to her?” Yu Jia countered. “If you really cared about her, you shouldn’t have appeared before her at all, disrupting her life.”

Gao Xiang was furious: “I didn’t plan to hide it forever, just prepared to let Xiao An slowly accept these things.”

Yu Jia said with a gloomy expression: “I’m afraid there are some things she’ll never be able to accept.”

“She just needs time.”

“How much time does a person have in one lifetime to waste on such completely meaningless things?”

“May I ask what you understand ‘meaning’ to be? Making the same choices as you isn’t the only thing that has meaning.” Gao Xiang angrily retorted. “Teacher Yu, don’t define your daughter’s life with your life philosophy. Is it really so hard for you to give her the right to choose and respect her choices?”

“The premise of making choices is understanding what consequences you’ll face. I brought her here to let her see this clearly.”

Gao Xiang knew that to some degree, Yu Jia was even more stubborn and harder to convince than his mother. He didn’t want to argue futilely anymore and said through gritted teeth: “Forget it, let’s stop arguing. We should think about how to find her.”

“Where could we possibly look? Her English is fine and she knows our reserved hotel. She’ll come back when she calms down.”

Gao Xiang wasn’t as optimistic as her, but could only write down his phone number for Yu Jia and note down her reserved hotel: “Please be sure to notify me immediately if there’s any news.”

7

Zuo Si’an rushed out of New York Presbyterian Hospital in one breath, with no idea where she should go in this unfamiliar big city.

She walked aimlessly. Floating before her eyes was entirely that little boy she’d seen through the ward. Of course she had always known of that child’s existence, but last time when she accidentally saw him bursting into Gao Xiang’s home, she’d been able to immediately look away. This time she’d uncontrollably stood there staring, seeing with exceptional clarity.

Her body had once been opened by a violent method. A small life had lodged in her body against her will, gradually taking form, slowly growing, expanding her abdomen, feebly yet confidently extending limbs, then being extracted, growing up—becoming the child she saw today in the hospital.

She even suspected that image had been branded onto her retinas and would never dissipate on its own. She despaired, thinking perhaps she simply couldn’t erase this face from memory. He might even burst into her dreams, becoming part of the nightmares she couldn’t shake off.

Unknowingly, Zuo Si’an walked to Central Park. Although it was the cold winter and Christmas Day, this famous park in the center of Manhattan wasn’t deserted. Some people wore thin sportswear jogging along the jogging paths for exercise. Some walked dogs leisurely. On the ice rink, quite a few people were skating. Children’s excited laughing voices carried far. The park was larger than she’d imagined. She walked in confusion until exhausted and somewhat cold. She bought a cup of hot coffee and rested on a bench by a small lake.

Half the lake surface was frozen, appearing desolate and empty. She suddenly remembered The Catcher in the Rye she’d read last semester. Holden, the high school student living in New York, had worried about where the wild ducks would go when Central Park’s lake surface froze. Did Holden ever find the answer in the end?

She desperately recalled relevant passages and plot from the book, trying to force herself to shift her attention to dispel those surging dark painful memories in her heart. But her efforts were quite futile. In a trance, she seemed to return to that small bedroom in Qinggang County dormitory, the four walls pressing in like a prison cell, making her unable to breathe. At this moment, rustling sounds came from beside her. She turned her head to see a squirrel jumping on the withered yellow grass, clearly not putting her in its eyes at all. She startled awake from her distracted state, only to discover dusk had gradually fallen, light around her had dimmed, and the coffee in her hand had long since turned ice cold.

Although her mood was gloomy, she knew that lingering alone in Central Park after dark was unwise. She stood up to find a road sign, studied it, then walked back to a main avenue in the city district.

She continued wandering on foot, not distinguishing direction or heeding street signs, but walked into the increasingly prosperous upper Manhattan. Here high-rises towered, bright lights flashed, storefront windows along the street were gorgeously arranged. On the streets, cars flowed like water. Pedestrians of various skin colors and accents surged forward when crossing streets, completely different from the quiet small town where Zuo En’an had lived for over two years. She couldn’t get used to such noise. Seeing an inconspicuous subway entrance, she walked in, bought a ticket, and boarded a subway that had just entered the station.

The subway kept pulling into and out of stations. Passengers got on and off. When a seat opened up, she sat down. After an unknown time, the subway traveled to ground level, crossing a large bridge. Only then did she somewhat come to her senses, realizing she’d already left Manhattan. But she didn’t care where this line was heading either. Anyway, the New York subway used flat fares. No matter where it went, at worst she could ride back. She just didn’t want to return to the hotel to face her mother.

She sat distractedly. Suddenly smelling a strange odor, she discovered that at some point a Latino man wearing a knit cap and leather jacket had sat beside her. This car now had only three people left, appearing strangely empty. He was obviously abnormally close to her.

She stood up and walked toward another car, standing by the car door. After the next stop, she immediately got off.

Compared to where she’d boarded, this subway station had dim lighting, appearing old and cramped. There weren’t many people on the platform. Trash was scattered on the ground and tracks, looking very dirty. She was preparing to find a route map when she suddenly froze. Two fat rats actually ran past before her one after the other in quick succession, running into the tunnel. This scene was like her frequent nightmares reappearing before her eyes. Frightened, she kept backing away, momentarily not knowing where she was.

Suddenly an arm came around from behind her, tightening around her neck. She’d just started to scream when that arm clamped down hard. A voice said viciously in her ear: “Don’t yell. Hand over your wallet.”

She smelled the foul odor again, couldn’t breathe, fumbled randomly at her pockets, couldn’t remember where she’d put her wallet. Strangled to near suffocation, she finally found her wallet and threw it on the ground. At this moment a woman on the platform shouted: “Hey, what are you doing? Let her go!”

The person released her, pushed her aside, picked up the wallet and ran out without a sound. She squatted down gasping. A plump Black woman came over to help her: “Baby, don’t be scared. I’ve already called the police. Are you alright?”

She couldn’t speak, could only manage a nod.

Police arrived quickly. That warmhearted Black woman talked volubly to them about what happened, adding lots of exclamations: “My God, it all happened so fast. They were standing over there. I didn’t notice at all, thought they knew each other, then realized something was wrong. I was really mad, so I shouted. That guy picked up the wallet and ran. Robbing on Christmas Day—this is just too unbelievable. Must be some drug-crazed bastard. If I had a gun, I would definitely…”

Zuo En’an stood to the side, never speaking. The police just assumed she was scared stiff and helped her sit down. Actually, aside from a strong feeling of uncleanliness, she didn’t feel much fear. Instead she was thinking that being robbed within just half a day in New York was enough to make her mother even more convinced how ridiculous her insistence on coming to this city to study was.

A female officer asked if Zuo Si’an was injured and whether she needed to go to the hospital for examination. The place on her neck where she’d been strangled hurt fiercely, but hearing “hospital” she immediately shook her head: “No need, I’m fine.” She was then taken to the police station to give a statement. It being a holiday, the police station phones still rang constantly. Police kept bringing in people of all kinds, coming and going, looking very busy. Zuo Si’an sat to one side, nearly mechanically answering the police’s questions. But aside from telling them roughly what was in her wallet, she simply couldn’t provide more information than that woman. The attack came from behind her, the whole thing taking less than a minute. She hadn’t seen the attacker’s appearance or clothing clearly at all, and where she’d been standing was precisely a blind spot the cameras couldn’t capture. After the report was completed, police asked where she was staying, saying they could take her back. Penniless with no other choice, she told them the hotel address. A policeman drove her, along the way kindly warning her: “Although New York’s security has greatly improved in recent years, subway robberies still occur from time to time. Remember from now on, when walking alone in certain remote areas, definitely don’t linger.”

She nodded in agreement.

Arriving at the hotel, Zuo Si’an thanked the police, went to the front desk to find Peter’s reserved room number, went up and knocked. Yu Jia opened the door. She’d been waiting anxiously, discussing with Peter what to do. Seeing her daughter return, she obviously breathed a sigh of relief: “Where did you run off to?”

“Just nearby.”

“Xiao An, let’s go out to eat together…”

She shook her head: “You two go eat. I’m tired. Mom, give me my room key.”

Her room was right next to Yu Jia’s. She went in, locked the door, stripped off all her clothes in one breath, rushed to the bathroom to wash her hair and bathe. But even under the hot water, her body remained tense to the point of stiffness, unable to relax.

“Are you really psychologically prepared to face all this?” Her mother’s questioning rang in Zuo En’an’s ears. She had to admit that when Gao Xiang suddenly appeared in Portland, the wild joy he brought her had overwhelmed her. Everything else she’d deliberately ignored.

She put on pajamas and was drying her hair when the door was knocked. She didn’t want to pay attention, but the person outside clearly wasn’t giving up. After stopping for a while, they patiently and rhythmically knocked again. Helplessly, she came out. Looking through the peephole, Yu Jia stood outside. She opened the door while saying irritably: “Mom, give me a break. I don’t want to eat…”

She stopped. Outside the door besides her mother stood Gao Xiang. Yu Jia said coldly to him: “You’ve seen it—Xiao An is fine. Please leave.”

“Teacher Yu, I need to talk with Xiao An.”

Yu Jia obviously didn’t approve of them talking, but seeing her daughter holding the door in silence with no sign of refusal, she could only shake her head: “Xiao An, Peter and I are going out to eat. You two talk.” She turned to Gao Xiang. “I’ll say it again, Gao Xiang—please remain rational.”

Gao Xiang entered: “Where did you go?”

“Just wandered around.”

He suddenly reached out to lift her chin: “What happened here?” She tried to break free from his hand, but he held her with one hand and with the other pulled open her pajama collar, examining it carefully in the light. There was a circle of purple bruised marks. “How did you get hurt like this? What exactly happened?”

“I was robbed, but it’s nothing.”

“Why didn’t you call me?”

“I’m not fourteen, and I’m not sixteen. I’m eighteen this year. I can’t keep saying I’ve grown up and can handle my own affairs, then call for help at the slightest trouble.”

Her attitude was calm. He felt strangely heartbroken, gently touching the injury: “I’ll take you to see a doctor.”

“No need, I’m really fine.”

“I’m sorry, Xiao An.”

“It’s not your fault. I shouldn’t have gotten off and lingered at that station.”

“Xiao An, that child you saw at the hospital…”

Her face twisted painfully and she interrupted him: “I don’t want to know anything about him.”

“Hear me out, Xiao An. He’s my son.” Zuo Si’an froze. Gao Xiang held her hand, gazing at her, saying with certainty, “His nickname is Baobao, his formal name is Gao Fei. He’s a very smart and lovely child. From the moment he learned to talk, he’s called me daddy. I love him very much.”

Zuo En’an’s hand trembled slightly in his, unable to speak.

“He was born with very serious congenital heart disease. He’s already had two surgeries in China. He’s just finished his third surgery at Presbyterian Hospital and still needs special care. After discharge he’ll also need regular check-ups. During this time, I’ve been in New York accompanying him.”

Zuo Si’an said angrily: “Why are you telling me these things? I don’t want to hear them.”

“Xiao An, I’m very sorry you learned about this in such an unprepared way today. But I must explain clearly to you—if we decide to be together, there are some things we must face together.”

Zuo Si’an was silent for a long time, then suddenly raised her hands to remove her pullover pajama top and threw it aside. Gao Xiang froze. He saw she wasn’t wearing a bra, standing straight before him. Her half-wet long hair hung loose. Her slender body had beautifully rising curves, skin delicate and fair. But below her navel in the center was a vertical depression extending across her entire lower abdomen, appearing very conspicuous. This was the scar left from her cesarean section.

Back then Zuo Si’an’s spirit had been on the verge of collapse. Desperately wanting to rid herself of the fetus in her belly, she’d deliberately fallen causing massive hemorrhaging. During delivery the situation was urgent. To quickly access the pelvic cavity, the doctor had used a vertical incision method for the cesarean. This treatment method had greater tension on the wound than a horizontal incision. And the moment she left the delivery room she’d struggled forcefully, causing the just-sutured wound to burst open. The doctor had to re-suture. Combined with her being under fifteen at the time, right in puberty with vigorous tissue growth, strong post-trauma reactivity, skin tension far greater than adults, the wound developed severe scar hyperplasia during healing. The final result was far more hideous than the scars most people had from cesarean sections.

Yu Jia herself had given birth naturally and avoided talking about her daughter’s delivery, never considering her daughter would have this problem. And Zuo Si’an was ashamed to think about the scar’s existence. Every time she bathed, she finished hurriedly, striving to avoid touching there. As soon as she finished washing she immediately dressed, never examining the scar closely. This was the first time she’d displayed it before someone else.

Zuo Si’an clearly saw the shock in Gao Xiang’s eyes. She also lowered her head, forcing herself to directly face her abdomen. Four years had passed. That scar hadn’t faded at all. Compared to the smooth, snow-white skin around it, the hyperplastic tissue was twisted and protruding, texture patterns chaotic, undulating and tangled, entrenched on the smooth body, looking strangely abrupt and glaring.

She raised her head: “There are many things I’d originally resolved to forget. But as you can see, with this scar on my body, how can I possibly forget? I don’t need reminding—I’ve always known that child exists. Please don’t mention him in front of me or demand I face him, Gao Xiang. I can’t do it.”

The room was deathly silent. Gao Xiang suddenly knelt halfway, encircling Zuo Si’an’s waist. Before she could react, his face was already pressed against her lower abdomen. She was greatly alarmed, pushing hard at his shoulders, trying to struggle free. But he held her firmly, his lips warmly kissing her.

She was almost crying in distress: “Let me go, let me go.”

He didn’t let her go, looking up at her: “Xiao An, this scar isn’t as terrible as you think.”

She stared at him dully and smiled miserably: “I almost forgot—you’re psychologically strong. In Liu Wan you even saw me go crazy, standing with a big belly looking in the mirror. At that time I was so unsightly I nearly scared myself to death. It’s impressive you weren’t scared at all.”

He stood up, picked up her top and helped her put it on, holding her as he sat on the bed: “Xiao An, this doesn’t represent that you’re fragile or that I’m strong. The harm happened to you. You endured it. I’m not qualified to downplay it for you or force you to face anything you don’t want to face.”

She stared darkly ahead: “Gao Xiang, I don’t want to talk about this anymore. My mom is right. I really did inherit some aspect of my father’s character. Whatever I don’t want to face, I subconsciously want to avoid.”

“I’m not asking you to accept him like I do and live together with him, but he truly is part of my life. What’s already happened can’t be changed. Our relatives are also people we can’t choose. The only thing we can do is choose our future life. No matter what, I want to be with you, Xiao An.”

He turned her face around, looking at her, saying clearly: “I just want to tell you—I love you.”

8

Baobao was taking an afternoon nap. Chen Zihui was listlessly flipping through Chinese magazines to pass the time, couldn’t help thinking that right after Christmas came New Year, then following that would be Lunar New Year—they’d probably spend both in America.

She didn’t like New York. Far from family, no friends, couldn’t speak the language, Chinese food wasn’t authentic. Central Park actually had homeless people who chased relentlessly, scaring her into being paranoid even taking a walk. Most importantly, she couldn’t be sure whether Baobao could completely recover after enduring this surgery… She couldn’t complain to her elderly father, and had already been in a cold war with her husband for two years—impossible to seek comfort from him there. No matter how strong her personality, she inevitably had pent-up worries with no way to relieve them.

The ward’s glass door was suddenly lightly knocked. She looked up and could hardly believe her eyes—the woman standing outside the door wearing a black belted long coat was Yu Jia. She hurriedly stood up, rushed to the doorway and asked in a lowered voice: “What are you here for?”

Yu Jia said calmly: “To talk to you about something.”

“I have nothing to talk about with you.” Afraid of waking Baobao, she walked out and pulled the door closed. “Leave immediately, or I’ll call security to throw you out.”

Yu Jia was slightly taller than her, also wearing high-heeled leather boots, imposing: “No need to be so frantic. I also have absolutely no desire to deal with you, but we don’t need to beat around the bush with these petty words anymore. Gao Xiang isn’t at the hospital now, right?”

“He went to see friends.”

“See friends? That’s what he told you?” Yu Jia sneered. “He’s accompanying my daughter touring New York right now. I estimate he won’t be back until midnight.”

“You’re talking nonsense—” Chen Zihui stopped without confidence, realizing what she said was probably true, momentarily unable to speak.

“I don’t want them together. I’m sure you think the same way. So however much we detest each other, we can only talk.”

“Why don’t you control your daughter instead of letting her come to New York to pester my son?”

Yu Jia looked at her coldly: “Be more respectful in your speech, then we can continue talking. You need to understand a basic fact—Gao Xiang went to Portland to find my daughter first.”

Chen Zihui was speechless.

“Gao Xiang told her he’ll stay in New York to study for an MBA, hoping my daughter will come here to attend university.” Yu Jia said bluntly. “You probably don’t know about this yet either?”

Chen Zihui was even more shocked, murmuring: “He didn’t mention this to me. I definitely won’t agree.”

“My daughter is already eighteen. I can’t even interfere with where she studies. Gao Xiang is an adult—I’m afraid he needs your consent even less.”

“What do you mean by that? Don’t expect me to agree to them being together.”

“I’ve already told Gao Xiang that. Now let me state my position to you: Gao Xiang is an excellent young man, but he has connections to a past no one wants to mention again. My daughter is an outstanding student. I have expectations for her future. I don’t want her to fall into a relationship that will hurt her so early, and I especially don’t want her to face a relative like you in the future.”

Yu Jia’s wording was extremely impolite, but her tone was calm, very objective and detached. Chen Zihui momentarily didn’t know how to react and asked angrily: “What exactly do you want by coming here today?”

“Grandma—” A childish voice rang out in the ward. Chen Zihui hurriedly pushed open the door. She saw Baobao had climbed up, leaning against the headboard.

“Baobao don’t be afraid, grandma is here.”

Baobao, sleepy-eyed, curiously examined Yu Jia standing behind her: “Who are you?”

Yu Jia had only glimpsed through glass yesterday. This was the first time facing this child. Looking at his bright eyes, no matter how calm she was, her emotions were somewhat shaken.

Chen Zihui spoke first: “She’s just passing by, leaving immediately.”

Yu Jia used the gentlest voice possible: “Right, just passing by. I’m leaving immediately.”

Baobao turned to ask Chen Zihui: “Why hasn’t daddy come back yet?”

“He won’t be back until evening.” Chen Zihui went over and handed him a storybook. “Be good, look at this book first. Grandma will come right in to watch cartoons with you.”

She came over and closed the door. Just as she was about to speak, Yu Jia suddenly asked: “How was his surgery result?”

At another time, given Chen Zihui’s personality, she would definitely snap back “none of your business” without courtesy. But now being in a foreign country, low spirits, unable to muster the energy to lash out, she answered gloomily: “Test results haven’t all come back yet. Still need to wait for follow-up examination.”

Yu Jia was silent for a moment: “In that case, you focus on caring for the child.”

“Hey, what about that matter?”

“My daughter and I are going back tomorrow. I’ll do my best not to let them have excessive contact. As for you,” Yu Jia stared at Chen Zihui, “forget it. You can’t do anything now anyway. Best to discuss properly with your father and your husband about how to most effectively prevent Gao Xiang. They’ll definitely have methods. I’ve finished saying what I needed to say.”

Yu Jia hurried downstairs. Looking back at the hospital building, she had an indescribable feeling inside. She’d originally thought that after yesterday’s visit to the hospital, Zuo Si’an would back down in the face of difficulty. But when she and Peter finished eating and returned to the hotel, when she went to Zuo Si’an’s room and brought up where Peter planned to take them the next day, Zuo Si’an answered: “You and Peter go have fun. I’ve made plans with Gao Xiang. He’ll come pick me up tomorrow morning and I’ll probably be back quite late at night.”

“You still plan to come to New York for university?”

Zuo Si’an nodded affirmatively.

She was furious: “Did you hear a single word I said to you?”

“Mom, let’s not argue in the hotel, okay? You should rest early.”

Her daughter being so obstinately persistent made Yu Jia choke with anger. The next day she toured two attractions with Peter, really having no mood. She came to the hospital alone again. Her thinking was simple—since her subtle reminders hadn’t worked, then let Chen Zihui come forward to make a scene and throw a tantrum, directly reminding Zuo Si’an that what awaited her was definitely not just Gao Xiang alone. As for what waves would be stirred up between Chen Zihui and Gao Xiang mother and son, that wasn’t in her consideration.

However, unexpectedly seeing Baobao greatly affected Yu Jia’s normally unshakeable emotions. This child’s body was much frailer than children his age, looking not even three years old. He wore a onesie printed with ladybugs. Compared to his small body, his head seemed disproportionately large, hair sparse and yellowing. But he had a pair of eyes shaped remarkably like her ex-husband’s and daughter’s—bright, lively and slightly smiling. Even the way he looked up at her felt familiar.

Yes, this was what Zuo Si’an looked like as a child. She often traveled for research projects. The longest trip lasted nearly half a year. When she returned, Zuo Si’an looked up at her just like this. Such a small child looked so fragile, lovable, even able to stir up the latent maternal love in someone like her who never acted on emotion.

Thinking of the responsibility she hadn’t fulfilled during her daughter’s childhood, thinking of that man who had silently supported her, who in her view loved their daughter somewhat excessively, she was momentarily overwhelmed with mixed feelings.

No matter what, Zuo Xuejun had never been willing to see his daughter suffer the slightest harm. How could she actively let a woman who acted recklessly and spoke sharply and viciously hurt her daughter face to face again? She changed her mind in an instant.

Standing in the cold wind on New York’s streets, Yu Jia told herself: This didn’t count as her weakening or being lenient. Conveying the message to Chen Zihui—anyway, she and her family would definitely make every effort to prevent Gao Xiang from staying in America. At least let Zuo Si’an enjoy one happy day of vacation.

9

Zuo Si’an was indeed enjoying the happiest day since arriving in America.

Gao Xiang picked her up at the hotel early in the morning and took her to the Metropolitan Museum. The two spent half a day in this museum occupying 130,000 square meters, but only had a cursory look at part of the content. She was reluctant to leave. He promised: “When we have time later, we’ll come again.”

Next, Gao Xiang accompanied Zuo Si’an to the southern entrance of Central Park to experience the standard tourist attraction here: touring Central Park by horse carriage. Normally when he saw ornately decorated horse carriages passing by, he always felt that sitting up there parading through seemed a bit ridiculous. And taking a horse carriage through Central Park in this season, braving the bitter cold, had even more of a foolish meaning. But he’d guessed correctly—though Zuo En’an was shivering from cold, she was very excited, eyes shining brightly, making him feel this foolishness was quite worthwhile.

Coming out of Central Park, he took her to his favorite shop to eat pizza, then took the subway together to see Baruch College of the City University of New York that Zuo Si’an had applied to. This school in the city center, not far from Wall Street, was built along the street, composed of several buildings with a very compact structure. A new seventeen-story teaching building was nearing completion, considered the school’s main building. There was hardly a complete campus to speak of—really not much to tour.

Zuo Si’an hugged Gao Xiang’s arm: “Hey, don’t make such a dismissive expression, okay? This place is called the ‘poor man’s Harvard.'”

Gao Xiang smiled bitterly: “Thank goodness your mom didn’t come. Her expression would definitely not look any better than mine.” Mentioning her mother, Zuo Si’an fell silent. She knew how disappointed Yu Jia would be if she persisted.

After coming out, despite her objections, Gao Xiang still forcibly took her to Columbia University. This Ivy League prestigious school naturally had a world of difference from Baruch College of City University of New York. They walked around, then sat on the stone steps of the university library to rest. Gao Xiang said: “I plan to study for MBA here. Think about it again—tuition really isn’t a problem.”

Zuo Si’an shook her head: “Studying at a public university is the same.”

“Or we can go look at New York University. I have a friend there doing a postdoc in neurobiology, quite an interesting person. I’ll introduce you.”

“I don’t want to meet him. I’m leaving tomorrow. I only want to be with you.”

Night fell. They went to Rockefeller Center Plaza, where the tallest Christmas tree in all of New York stood, decorated with colorful lights and stars, shining brilliantly. From the lighting ceremony in early December, it had been extraordinarily lively with tourists coming and going. During the Christmas holiday, sightseers from around the world lingered endlessly.

Gao Xiang encouraged Zuo En’an to go ice skating on the rink laid over the fountain pool. He sat to the side watching. Maine’s winters were long and cold. She’d learned to skate during the previous winter vacation. While not particularly skilled or smooth at controlling the skates, he sincerely felt that wearing a knit cap, red sweater and black short skirt, extending her arms and gliding past him, her posture light and graceful, the brilliant lights illuminating her as if traveling through a gorgeous dream.

She circled around and returned to stop before him, cheeks flushed. He reached out to embrace her: “Do you like it here?”

To be precise, what she liked was this moment, but she didn’t plan to say it out loud. She just nodded vigorously: “Can we go to the top of the Empire State Building?”

“In such cold weather running to the top of the Empire State Building, you’ll probably freeze half to death faster than when you took me to see the Portland lighthouse that day.”

“Let’s go, it’s so hard to come here.”

“Then we might as well go to the Twin Towers at the World Trade Center. They’re higher, and I heard you can see the Statue of Liberty.”

“The Empire State Building is different. My classmate Sarah heard I was coming to New York and told me her mom is Tom Hanks’ number one fan. She’s watched Sleepless in Seattle many times and keeps saying she wants her to hold her wedding ceremony on the top of the Empire State Building someday.”

They came to the Empire State Building, stood in a very long line before their turn, took the elevator up. Reaching the top floor, all of New York was beneath them. Directly below was Manhattan’s huge, dense cluster of buildings. Roads like flowing rivers of light, with the Hudson River shimmering and reflecting them. The city’s lights stretched endlessly, twinkling all the way to the horizon.

The north wind hit their faces. He held her, wrapping her in his coat: “Doesn’t it feel like the starry sky we saw in Ali suddenly appeared beneath our feet?”

“The density is somewhat similar. Sister Ruodi said when she stared at that starry sky for too long, she’d get trypophobia, feeling that sky couldn’t bear so many stars.”

At such an intimate moment, she suddenly brought up his ex-girlfriend, making him not know whether to laugh or cry. But she clearly hadn’t thought of that connection at all and continued: “That starry sky is still more beautiful—quiet, lofty and pure. New York’s night looks prosperous beyond imagination, feels too noisy, too sci-fi.”

“Sounds like you don’t really like this city.”

“Just not really used to it. On the way here yesterday, Peter said people who’ve lived long in Portland will definitely get ‘country person enters city phobia’ coming to New York.”

“Did last night’s incident leave you with a psychological shadow?”

She shook her head, stating facts: “Not at all. It happened too fast—no time to react before it was already over.”

“Were you scared?”

“Scared yes, but not especially scared. After you left last month, I looked up lots of information about New York. I saw quite a few people mention experiences of being robbed, all saying you must prepare a bit of money to hand over and then it’s fine. I just didn’t expect to run into it so quickly.”

He held her tighter with pity: “As long as you don’t hate this place. I like it here—big enough, complex enough, as if there are infinite possibilities. Portland is more suitable for retirement. Maybe in a few more decades, we can settle down in that kind of place.”

She was silently quiet. Throughout the day she’d seemed relaxed and happy, completely enjoying a carefree vacation. If Gao Xiang didn’t understand her well enough, he’d probably also think the sudden shock at the hospital and the subway robbery hadn’t left any shadow on her at all.

“Xiao An, what are you worried about?”

“Nothing.” Her voice involuntarily revealed tension and unease. “I’m just a bit afraid. Joys exceeding expectations always seem unreal. Things planned too thoroughly may be difficult to achieve.”

“What kind of foolish talk is that, Xiao An? What did your mom say to you yesterday?”

“She really didn’t say much—my mom doesn’t waste time repeating things. But I’m not a child anymore, Gao Xiang. Even if she doesn’t say it, you don’t say it, I understand that for us two to be together, the opposition you’ll face will be far greater than mine.”

“Xiao An, remember before you came to America, you said you wanted to stay in China and I didn’t keep you?” She nodded. “Regarding opposition, I’ve thought about it more than you. But after seeing you, I discovered that sometimes we need to be a bit selfish and reckless. Since I’ve made up my mind, those problems can all be solved. You need to have a bit of confidence in me.”

She stared at him blankly, eyes deep, but trying hard to smile: “Mm, I know.” She leaned close to his ear and said softly: “I love you. As long as I can be with you, anywhere is fine.”

10

As soon as Baobao was discharged from the hospital, Chen Zihui urged Gao Xiang to return home: “Your grandfather called, saying there are many things at the company now, telling you to buy plane tickets and go back immediately.”

“Baobao still needs follow-up examinations. How can I leave now?”

“The follow-up is three months from now. I know where the hospital is. I can bring him for follow-up. If there’s a language problem, I can pay for a translator to accompany me. You hurry back, don’t delay important matters.”

“These past few months I haven’t been at the company, but it’s still running. What important matters have been delayed?”

Chen Zihui could no longer hold back and blurted out: “If you stay any longer, sooner or later you’ll be seduced.”

He’d already seen Chen Zihui had been restless this whole time. Originally he’d just assumed she was worried about Baobao. Hearing this, he couldn’t help being stunned: “Since you’ve brought this up, we might as well talk about it now. After Baobao gets better, I plan to stay in America to study.”

“I absolutely will not agree.”

He felt somewhat amused yet annoyed, and said seriously: “Mom, whatever decisions I make, I’m willing to discuss and communicate with family, but you must understand I don’t need anyone to agree or approve. If you always use the tone you use talking to Dad to talk to me, then we don’t need to talk.”

Chen Zihui was stunned, remembering her son had always been opinionated. And she’d been keeping up the momentum to keep punishing her husband. Over time, Gao Ming had retreated in difficulty, not only no longer actively seeking reconciliation or showing goodwill, but even starting to deliberately avoid her. Of course she had no opportunity to use that imperious tone to talk to him anymore. Her heart inexplicably soured, her momentum immediately weakened: “You’ve never taken me, your mother, seriously.”

“Alright, alright. Of course I take you seriously, otherwise why bother talking about my plans with you?”

“You want to stay in America to be with Zuo En’an?”

Gao Xiang admitted directly: “Yes.”

“What evil has possessed you? There are good girls everywhere in the world. Why must you be with her?”

“No matter how I explain, you probably won’t understand. Just consider me possessed. That way you don’t need to ask so many whys.”

“You… if you insist on doing this, I’ll have your grandfather cut off your financial support. Everything in this godforsaken place is expensive. Without money you can’t move an inch, never mind studying—just this apartment, the monthly rent is over five thousand dollars. Let’s see how you can afford it?”

Gao Xiang laughed heartily: “Mom, you held it in so long and came up with this idea? I can work part-time. If I can’t afford living here, I can still afford a cheap place with a thousand dollars monthly rent.”

“You don’t have local credentials or work experience. What work could you do?”

“Washing dishes, delivering food—all possible.”

Chen Zihui was stunned, then stood up and exploded: “How can you say such things? I raised you to do those things for a woman? A few days ago the Chinese newspaper reported a Fujian delivery worker was robbed and beaten to death by several Black people. You say such things—are you deliberately trying to make me get heart disease too?”

“Calm down, calm down,” Gao Xiang laughed, having her sit down. “I’m just giving an example. Finding a job to make a living in New York isn’t difficult. So many students whose families have no money survive here. Cutting off financial support really can’t stump me.”

Chen Zihui was furious, but facing her son who wasn’t anxious or annoyed, she was at a loss: “Fine, don’t listen to me. Your grandfather called you back—are you planning to ignore that too?”

“I will go back, just have to wait until after Baobao completes his examination. You can go back home for a while first. I’ll take good care of him.”

Chen Zihui stared at him with wide eyes. After a while, she exploded again: “This was that Zuo Si’an’s idea, wasn’t it? She’s really vicious. Killing my brother and bewitching you dizzy wasn’t enough—she even wants to drive me back home so she can move right in and snatch away Baobao. I knew she harbors hatred toward our Chen family, plotting revenge against us.”

“Where are you getting all this? This is completely my thinking. Haven’t you always complained life here isn’t comfortable?”

“Don’t try to fool me. Don’t forget, when she first gave birth to Baobao, she threatened to strangle him with her own hands. Speaking such things at such a young age—her heart is vicious to the core. Later she came to our home making a scene. You want to hand Baobao to her—heaven knows what she’ll do. I won’t agree no matter what. I’ll stay right here, not going anywhere.”

Chen Zihui turned and went back to her bedroom. Gao Xiang couldn’t help sighing to the heavens.

Meanwhile, Zuo Si’an also had an unprecedentedly fierce argument with Yu Jia.

Under Yu Jia’s insistence, Zuo Si’an also applied to several universities Yu Jia had selected. By spring break in March, she’d received acceptance letters from a total of seven universities, including Yu Jia’s favorite University of Illinois Urbana-Champaign, which promised a full scholarship.

However, a few days later, Zuo Si’an told Yu Jia she planned to write to notify the school she wouldn’t attend. Yu Jia had originally hoped Gao Xiang’s family could decisively prevent him. But during this time, Gao Xiang had maintained phone contact with Zuo Si’an. After each call, Zuo Si’an’s expression was sweet and dreamy, showing no signs of encountering any obstruction.

Yu Jia increasingly felt things were going wrong. She tried hard to tell herself not to have extreme words again. But watching Zuo En’an actually prepare to give up a great opportunity to attend a school she considered lacking academic atmosphere to study accounting, she still couldn’t calm her anger. She couldn’t help regretting her momentary softness in New York: if she’d let Chen Zihui make a scene and throw a tantrum, the worst result would probably just be Zuo Si’an being sad for a few days.

Peter reminded her again that this cold war with her daughter had no meaning.

She said irritably: “She’s really too irrational, actually giving up a top-three public university to attend some City University of New York.”

“Speaking like that is unfair to people who graduated from City University of New York. That place has also produced no fewer than ten Nobel laureates. Besides, Baruch College in the City University system that she plans to attend is also quite good—not everyone can be admitted. The accounting major has had very good job prospects these years. It can be called a wise choice.”

“That’s not a place for serious scholarship at all.” Yu Jia said decisively.

Peter chuckled: “I can understand your expectations for your daughter, but it’s her life, isn’t it?”

“You probably think I’m a mother with terrifyingly strong control desires. But you Americans don’t understand—in Chinese families, no one’s life is purely independent. Parents and children are intertwined and influence each other throughout their lives. No one can completely break away from relatives. Not only is this true for how I treat Xiao An, but Gao Xiang’s family treats him the same way.”

Peter had to admit cultural differences were powerful, and Yu Jia was unconvinceable. He raised his hands in surrender: “Okay okay, darling, ‘we Americans’ won’t comment on this matter anymore. You handle it. But there’s one thing—you should prepare for your daughter’s high school graduation prom in June.”

Yu Jia was puzzled: “What prom? Isn’t graduation just holding a ceremony and taking photos and that’s it?”

“Hey, the graduation prom is a big deal for American kids. I still remember the girl I danced with back then. It’s one of the happiest, most cherished memories in many people’s lives. You should help Xiao An choose appropriate clothes, ask if any boys have asked her.”

“If she were willing to date boys here and go to proms, I wouldn’t have to worry.”

Zuo Si’an similarly didn’t understand why classmates started busying themselves for the graduation prom several months in advance. After Sarah’s explanation, she learned this prom had extraordinary significance for American teenagers’ entire student years. Girls picked out evening gowns with the same seriousness as later picking wedding dresses, while guessing which boy would ask which girl was another great source of fun.

During two years at school she’d buried herself in studies, unwilling to participate in socializing. She’d originally only had nodding “Hi” acquaintance with classmates. Only Sarah was very lively. One day she suddenly jumped in front of her, batting a pair of light-colored eyes, looking innocently pitiful, asking her to help tutor physics and math, and asking how much she charged. She was shocked, frantically waving her hands saying no charge. Sarah was amused by her reaction and laughed heartily. The two became familiar from this.

This day Sarah asked her to go together to Portland’s largest shopping center to pick out formal wear. They browsed store after store. She waited outside dressing rooms, watching Sarah try on one piece after another, responsible for evaluating. However their aesthetics didn’t align. The comments she could contribute were “quite pretty” and “a bit tight.” Sarah wanted evaluations on whether things were “sexy” enough, counted as “hot,” could make boys “could not keep their eyes off.”

Seeing Zuo Si’an blush, she was amused again: “Why are you so shy? You obviously borrowed the key to meet a man that time. Do all girls in your country remain virgins before marriage?”

Zuo Si’an smiled bitterly. She liked Sarah but really couldn’t exchange secrets with this girl like intimate friends. She could only point at another gold strapless mini formal dress: “This dress should meet your requirements.”

Sarah instead picked up another pink mini formal dress: “You should try that one. You’d definitely look good in it.”

The forty-something female clerk also chimed in: “Yes, you’d definitely look very dreamy and sweet in it.”

She shook her head: “I’m not planning to attend the prom.”

Sarah and the clerk were both shocked, saying in unison: “How can that be?”

She felt awkward: “I don’t know how to dance.”

“You can learn. I’ve never seen a girl who can’t learn to dance. Are you worried about not having a dance partner? Martin was asking me the other day if he could ask you out. I told him to ask you himself. He said you look too shy. Actually he’s the one who’s shy to the point of absurdity.”

The Martin Sarah mentioned was her cousin. Zuo Si’an had only met him a few times, probably hadn’t spoken more than ten sentences total. She felt even more awkward and kept shaking her head. Just about to speak, suddenly a hand reached over and took the pink formal dress from Sarah’s hand: “Try this one. They’re right—you’d definitely look very good in it.”

She turned around in amazement. Gao Xiang had somehow walked in. She froze, jumped up and threw her arms around his neck: “How did you get here?”

“I have to go back home for a bit.” He added: “Don’t worry, I’ll be back soon after handling things. You’re on spring break now. Before I leave, I want to take you to tour a few cities. I hope I can convince your mom to let you go.”

Zuo Si’an glimpsed Sarah’s face full of surprise, obviously not expecting she’d have such an intimate gesture with a man. But she was overjoyed and couldn’t care about anything else, nodding vigorously: “I definitely want to go.”