Not long after the farewell dinner, Ruan Mingke suddenly returned from the Northwest. He didn’t explain the specific reason, and Ruan Mian only remembered that during that period, her father would shut himself in the study day after day. Once, unable to sleep because of the heavy rain outside during the night, she got up to get water from the living room and found the study door slightly ajar. Ruan Mingke stood before the window, his back figure lonely and weathered, a pile of unextinguished cigarette butts burning on the desk, surrounded by swirling smoke carrying a choking smoky smell.
Perhaps hearing the movement outside the door, Ruan Mingke turned his head to look over. Seeing Ruan Mian, he extinguished the cigarette butt in his hand and walked leisurely toward her. “Why aren’t you asleep so late?”
“I couldn’t sleep.” Ruan Mian looked at the white hair that had crept into her father’s temples, blinked, and asked, “Dad, are you…”
What was it?
She couldn’t quite say.
“Dad’s fine, don’t worry.” Ruan Mingke raised his hand to close the study door and put his arm around Ruan Mian’s shoulder as they walked to the living room. “Since you can’t sleep, keep Dad company for a chat.”
Ruan Mian sat down with her father in the living room. On the coffee table lay the tea set that Ruan Mingke loved to fiddle with when he was home. He turned on the light and tidied these things up in the deep night.
The tea fragrance soon diffused in the air along with the boiling hot water.
Ruan Mian pulled over a cushion and sat cross-legged on the floor. She didn’t have Ruan Mingke’s leisurely and refined taste. The few times before when Ruan Mingke had asked her to comment on how the tea tasted, she only had the dry response of “tastes good.” Occasionally when she pulled out a few comments from her vocabulary reserves that sounded somewhat legitimate, Ruan Mingke would smile and shake his head, saying nothing more.
Ruan Mian took a sip of hot tea and listened as Ruan Mingke talked about the local customs and practices in the Northwest. Their project team was built near the desert, with wind and sand filling the air day after day. At night the temperature would plummet, and the sky full of stars hung low, as if within reach.
Ruan Mingke spoke for over half an hour. When he paused, he asked about Ruan Mian’s recent situation over the past two years.
“Nothing particularly special happened.” Ruan Mian put down her teacup. “Just studying and taking exams. In the second semester of my junior year, I joined the school’s physics competition class and won second prize, then came the college entrance examination.”
Ruan Mingke smiled. “Surely not every day was just studying. Haven’t you made any new friends? Our Mianmian is so outstanding, you should have quite a few friends around you, right?”
Ruan Mian hugged her knees, somewhat embarrassed as she touched her nose. “I don’t know many people, but it seems quite a lot of people know me.”
She thought of the classmate albums she’d filled out on the last day before leaving school after the college entrance exam, one after another.
Outside the window, rain pattered against the glass. Inside the house, tea fragrance filled the air. On the small table by the sofa sat a photo of their family of three taken at the entrance of No. 6 High School three years ago.
Following Ruan Mian’s line of sight, Ruan Mingke picked up that photo and asked with a smile, “So does that mean our Mianmian was quite popular at school? Were there people who liked you?”
Ruan Mian clearly hadn’t expected her father to ask about this. Her face immediately flushed red, and she stammered, not knowing how to answer.
Ruan Mingke had also been through her age and understood. He smiled gently. “So there was?”
Ruan Mian rested her chin on her knees and said softly, “It was me who liked someone else.”
Ruan Mingke put down the photo in his hand and looked up at her. “Can you tell Dad what kind of boy he is?”
Ruan Mian was silent for a while before saying, “He’s a very outstanding boy. I like him, but he never knew.”
Ruan Mingke’s right eyebrow raised slightly—his habitual expression when showing surprise. “So it was a secret crush.”
Deep night is a catalyst for emotions. It tore open a small opening in the obscure feelings of a young girl’s heart, then slowly peeled it back, revealing it to others’ eyes.
Ruan Mian told Ruan Mingke many things.
From meeting to falling for him, sadness and heartache, wanting to be seen by him and the effort she put in, the choice to join the competition class because of him, and then by some twist of fate losing the opportunity she might have had because of him.
All the way to their current separation.
Those more than seven hundred days and nights, when spoken of, amounted to just a few dozen short minutes. Compared to them, it seemed extraordinarily thin and insignificant, just like on this long road of life—she was probably just one of the insignificant passersby in his life, destined to be buried and forgotten by the river of time.
The father and daughter talked until the middle of the night.
Ruan Mingke didn’t give much evaluation of Ruan Mian’s secret crush. He only told Ruan Mian that time would wear away some things but also change some things. Perhaps one day in the future, you’ll meet again and have a new story.
Perhaps you might meet new people and have a new life, but no one can say for certain about future matters now.
……
A few days after this, Ruan Mingke began frequently leaving early and returning late. People also occasionally came and went from the house. Whenever Ruan Mian asked about it, Ruan Mingke always said it was nothing and told her not to worry.
Like this, Ruan Mian waited for her college entrance exam results while harboring worry about her father.
That year’s college entrance exam, the science test questions in the province where Pingcheng was located were generally simple, but the Chinese composition firmly held the title of the most difficult province in the nation. Many people suffered losses in the Chinese subject.
No. 8 High School didn’t produce any top scorers in either liberal arts or sciences this year. The batch of students the school had high hopes for all didn’t perform as well as usual.
Ruan Mian’s total score was 683, crossing the first-tier line by over a hundred points, with a provincial ranking of thirty-nine. However, this score was more than ten points lower than her expectation and only two points higher than the school she wanted to apply to.
Nevertheless, this result was already quite good. On the weekend, Ruan Mian went to school to pick up the application guide, and Zhou Hai additionally gave her several reference schools.
“Thank you, Teacher Zhou.” It was already midsummer by then. Ruan Mian chatted in Zhou Hai’s office for a while, and when leaving, she ran into three classmates downstairs. The four of them stood in the shade below the building and chatted.
The summer wind always carried endless heat. After a while, Ruan Mian parted ways with them. On her way back, she passed by the basketball court surging with crowds and stood by the roadside watching for a long time.
In the following days, Ruan Mian received messages from many people—relatives, friends, classmates—so many, too many.
The night before filling out applications, Ruan Mian had dinner out with her parents.
Since their divorce, Ruan Mingke and Fang Ruqing’s relationship had actually become much more harmonious than before. Regarding their daughter’s application choices, both held the attitude of not interfering.
Ruan Mian only wanted to go to that one place. When filling out her applications, she put the same school for both her first and second choices. The remaining choices were all left blank.
During the period waiting for admission results, Zhou Xiujun wanted to return to the countryside to recuperate, so Ruan Mian accompanied the old lady back to stay for a while.
Those days, Ruan Mian turned off her phone, slept until she naturally woke up every day, taught Ruan Jun lessons after lunch at noon, and occasionally went for walks in the evening. But more often, she stayed in the courtyard eating watermelon and watching the moon, spending a period that was relaxed and comfortable for her.
Until the day to check results, when Fang Ruqing called the house phone, Ruan Mian suddenly remembered this matter. She hung up the phone, rummaged through her bag for her admission ticket, ran to Ruan Jun’s house, and logged onto the college entrance exam admission official website on the computer.
Fang Ruqing called once every ten minutes. By the fourth call, Ruan Mian told her she had fallen through—she wasn’t admitted to Q University’s School of Life Sciences.
The receiver was silent for a few seconds before Fang Ruqing said, “That’s fine. Don’t you still have your second choice?”
Ruan Mian closed the admission page, got up and walked outside. Taking a light breath, she said, “Mom, I’m sorry. I filled in the same school for my first and second choices.”
“……” Fang Ruqing hung up the phone.
That evening, Ruan Mian received a call from Ruan Mingke. Ruan Mingke learned from Fang Ruqing’s anger that his daughter had failed to gain admission despite a high score of 683. Though surprised, it wasn’t completely beyond understanding.
“Your mother has always cared a lot about these things. Your failure to gain admission might have hit her quite hard. She’ll be fine after a while.” Ruan Mingke asked, “So what are your plans now?”
“Repeat the year.”
“Had you thought about it long ago?”
Ruan Mian made an affirming sound, looking up at the moon in the sky. “I’m sorry, Dad. I disappointed you both, but I still don’t want to leave myself with regrets.”
“It’s alright. This is your life, and how you walk it is for you to decide. We as parents can’t accompany you for your whole life. I’ll handle the work with your mother.” Ruan Mingke said, “No matter what, Dad also hopes you can pursue a better life without regrets.”
“Mm.”
News of Ruan Mian’s failure to gain admission soon reached Zhou Hai and several familiar friends, and she also gradually received good news from friends.
Liang Yiran went to F University, Meng Xinglan and Jiang Rang went to J University in the same city, Shen Yu applied to military school, and Chen Yi had also recently received an official admission notice from the University of California.
They felt both regret and understanding about Ruan Mian’s failure to gain admission.
One day in August, Ruan Mian learned from Meng Xinglan that Chen Yi’s teacher appreciation banquet would be in three days. She asked Ruan Mian on QQ if she would come.
At that time, Ruan Mian had already gone to No. 6 High School’s repeat class. She told Meng Xinglan that she had to attend class that day and probably wouldn’t have time.
Meng Xinglan didn’t say more and soon chatted about other topics.
On the weekend, Ruan Mian returned to Pingjiang West Lane, planning to move some things she’d left there back to Nanhu Garden.
Li Zhi had gotten his driver’s license during summer vacation and drove to help her move things. Ruan Mian treated him to dinner at a barbecue stand downstairs in the residential complex.
The late summer evening breeze carried a vague coolness.
After Li Zhi raised his hand to swat the third mosquito that landed on him, he picked up the beverage on the table and took a sip. “Why didn’t you stay at No. 8 High School to repeat?”
Ruan Mian smiled and asked, “Isn’t No. 6 High School good?”
Li Zhi laughed. “You know that’s not what I mean.”
Ruan Mian lowered her eyes and thought for a while before saying, “No. 8 High School, for me, is a very beautiful memory. I spent the two years of my life most worth remembering there. I hope it stays right there.”
She looked up toward the distant neon lights, murmuring, “Frozen at that best moment.”
Li Zhi shrugged slightly. “I understand.”
Ruan Mian withdrew her gaze and looked at him for a few seconds, then raised her cup toward him. “Over the past two years, you’ve really helped me a lot. I don’t know what to say, and I don’t know what happened to you in the past. I just wish that on the premise of staying safe and sound, you can be a bit happier.”
Li Zhi’s expression froze slightly, but he quickly turned his head and laughed, raising his cup to clink with hers. The glass made a clear clinking sound in the air.
He said, “Then let’s hope we can both be a bit happier.”
That was August 17, 2010. Seventeen-year-old Ruan Mian began a new life that belonged only to “Ruan Mian.”
……
The year of repeating wasn’t actually that hard to endure for Ruan Mian. Day after day of exams and countless moonlit views accompanied her through many long nights.
Many things happened that year as well. It was only then that Ruan Mian learned that during the time Ruan Mingke stayed home after her college entrance exam, his project team had actually run into problems. As one of the main persons in charge, he was ordered by superiors to suspend all duties and came within a hair’s breadth of facing imprisonment.
Although the matter was later investigated and cleared up, and Ruan Mingke returned to the project team, whenever Ruan Mian recalled it afterward, she still felt lingering fear.
During the 2011 Spring Festival, Zhao Yingwei’s career finally showed improvement. He opened a small company in Pingcheng. The foreign trade company where Fang Ruqing worked came back to life. The batch of old employees who stayed received commendations, and Fang Ruqing was thus promoted to supervisor of her department.
Zhao Shutang performed normally on the college entrance exam and went to Z University in the south. She could only come home during winter and summer vacations once a year. The conflict between Duan Ying and Fang Ruqing still hadn’t eased. Sometimes when Ruan Mian returned on weekends, she could encounter their fierce quarrels.
Whenever this happened, she would take Zhao Shuyang out to walk the streets and alleys. If a person constantly lived under the shadow of parents and elders quarreling from childhood, it would have a great impact on their personality and psychology.
Perhaps inferiority, perhaps rebellion, but in any case, it wouldn’t be a good thing.
Later on, probably because Zhao Yingwei also felt his mother was being too unreasonable, he purchased a not-very-large second-hand apartment in Pingcheng and moved there with Fang Ruqing and Zhao Shuyang.
Duan Ying went days and nights without eating or drinking over this, crying and shouting at home that she’d raised an ungrateful wolf of an unfilial son. During that period, none of the three of them had easy days.
Ruan Mian was willing but powerless to help, and Fang Ruqing told her not to interfere.
Just like that, another year flew by to the start of summer.
Last year, No. 6 High School only opened six repeat classes—five science classes and one liberal arts class. The students in the classes were all top students from various schools who had exceeded or were not far from the first-tier line in last year’s college entrance exam but ultimately failed to gain admission for various reasons. The competitive pressure was considerable.
Ruan Mian remembered that the student with the highest score at the time was a boy named He Zechuan. He scored 693 on the college entrance exam and had already been admitted to Z University. He attended classes for a month before suddenly withdrawing from the school for some unknown reason and came to No. 6 High School to repeat.
At the time, the withdrawal caused quite a stir. His parents even chased him to No. 6 High School, hitting and scolding him, trying to drag him back to resume his studies. But he refused to leave no matter what. In the end, he used threatening his own life to gain his parents’ compromise.
However, he and Ruan Mian weren’t in the same class at that time. They only became acquainted after the college entrance exam.
Repeat students were people who had already gone through the college entrance exam process once. Going through it a second time felt somewhat like being in another world. On the day of the college entrance exam physical examination, a girl in Ruan Mian’s class had needle phobia and nearly fainted when having blood drawn, giving the teachers and classmates quite a scare.
Afterward came another chaotic period. Ten days before the college entrance exam, No. 6 High School had a holiday. The senior year students vented chaotically for a while, then spontaneously started a group sing-along.
Ruan Mian’s home was right across from the school. She carried a stack of books and stepped over pages torn to shreds, leaving the school amid the singing of “Today only the remnant shell remains / welcoming glorious years / a lifetime of confused struggle / confident that we can change the future.”
Later, when she recalled the memories of this day, she only remembered that the sunset that day was very beautiful.
On the two days of the college entrance exam, Fang Ruqing specifically took leave to come to Nanhu Garden to accompany her. Ruan Mian was again assigned to take the exam at No. 6 High School.
The previous exam felt as if it were right before her eyes. Fang Ruqing always felt that Ruan Mian being assigned to take the exam at No. 6 High School was inauspicious and burned incense at home for two days.
Ruan Mian was quite calm, even feeling much more relaxed than last time. After finishing the last English exam, she felt she had probably done quite well this time.
That evening, the class didn’t organize a farewell dinner. Ruan Mian returned home, took a shower, and fell into bed to sleep, but suddenly woke up in the middle of the night.
She got out of bed and pulled out from the drawer the notebook that hadn’t had new content written in it for almost a year. She sat at the desk and flipped through it.
2008/8/16.
Ear east Chen, Yi standing atop a pagoda able to pluck stars.
2008/8/31.
What’s wrong.
2008/10/8
How embarrassing.
……
2008/11/15
Ran first place.
2008/11/26
Group photo.
……
2008/12/31
Sheng Huan.
2009/1/20
I shall see him year after year.
2009/2/19
Entered the same competition class as him.
……
2009/9/1
He’s going abroad.
2010/1/20
I won’t like him anymore.
……
Outside the window, night pervaded. This year, Pingcheng had built several more commercial buildings. During summer, a large batch of unfamiliar faces had flooded in. Layer upon layer of high-rise building lights never went out, becoming embellishments of the dark night.
And this year, it seemed Ruan Mian hadn’t had any particularly great gains so far. Things related to Chen Yi only amounted to this one thing.
She picked up her pen and wrote on a new page the only thing.
2011/6/8
I secretly liked him for another year without telling anyone.
Ruan Mian learned her college entrance exam score several days earlier than other test-takers that year because she was the provincial science top scorer that year with a total score of 714.
Calls from Tsinghua, Peking University, and Shanghai Jiao Tong University admissions offices followed closely. The eight-year clinical medicine program at B City Medical School that Ruan Mian wanted to attend was jointly enrolled and trained with Q University. Last year she had regretfully failed to gain admission, but this year she went through early batch admission and became the widely known female top scorer.
After application submission ended, Ruan Mian declined interviews from various media outlets and ran off to play in the Northwest desert for over half a month.
Ruan Mingke’s project team finished the final wrap-up work during that period. He returned to Pingcheng together with Ruan Mian. On the plane, the father and daughter talked about last year’s events.
Ruan Mian joked, “If it weren’t for failing in the competition last year, perhaps in the future I would have been doing the same work as Dad.”
Ruan Mingke smiled. “Then why didn’t you persist in continuing to study physics later?”
Ruan Mian turned her head to look at the blue sky and white clouds outside the window, saying somewhat sheepishly, “I actually don’t really like physics.”
Ruan Mingke thought of the late-night conversation with his daughter last year and understood in his heart. He closed the book in his hand and said, “When a person is trapped in a certain situation, making rational choices is difficult. Perhaps sometimes one can analyze rationally, but thought and action cannot be completely consistent. Dad can understand your choice at that time, so you don’t need to blame yourself.”
Ruan Mian said, “What if I said that last year’s college entrance exam, I might have also been subconsciously influenced by a small part? Would Dad think I was too emotional?”
Ruan Mingke didn’t seem surprised, saying in a gentle tone, “Among the people Dad has encountered so far, I haven’t seen anyone who can be absolutely rational. Perhaps there is such a category of people in this world, but not everyone can achieve this. Otherwise, this wouldn’t be considered one of humanity’s weaknesses. No matter what, those are all past matters now. Haven’t you also started learning to look forward?”
Ruan Mian smiled with relief. “Mm, thank you, Dad.”
Ruan Mingke patted her head and casually asked, “Have you told your mother about these things?”
“……No.”
Ruan Mingke nodded but said nothing more, only turning his head away where his daughter couldn’t see and letting out a long sigh.
After returning to Pingcheng, Ruan Mian rested at home for over half a month. This summer vacation, Meng Xinglan and Jiang Rang participated in a school competition. The two stayed at school to prepare for the competition.
Ruan Mian couldn’t meet with her.
More than half the summer vacation flew by in a flash. One midsummer day, Ruan Mian received the admission notice from Q University. She returned to No. 8 High School in the evening.
By that time, the senior year had already started. Zhou Hai was leading a graduating class again this year. When Ruan Mian went over, he was grading papers in the office.
Ruan Mian chatted with him in the office for over an hour. Just before leaving, Zhou Hai suddenly remembered something. After calling her back, he pulled out a red envelope from the drawer, counted out a handful of change, and put it inside. “I promised you all before—give out red envelopes based on college entrance exam scores. I originally wanted to give this to you last year, but who knew you would choose to repeat. This year is even better—you became the top scorer.”
Ruan Mian froze for a moment, her eyes growing slightly warm.
Zhou Hai stood up and stuffed the red envelope into her hand. “You’re a good student. Teacher believes you’ll definitely accomplish great things in the future.”
Ruan Mian gripped that red envelope. “Thank you, Teacher Zhou.”
“Alright, if there’s nothing else, head back early. I need to go teach class too.” Zhou Hai said, “When you have time, you must come back to see your teacher.”
Ruan Mian nodded. “I definitely will.”
Zhou Hai waved his hand. “Go on.”
Ruan Mian left the office. When she descended to the first-floor lobby, a male student walked toward her head-on. He had a very short haircut and wore a black basketball jersey.
He looked very much like the boy in her memory. The instant they passed each other, she chased after him for a few steps then suddenly stopped.
She had forgotten—he had already graduated.
That day was August 23, 2011. Since her last meeting with Chen Yi, one year and seventy-six days had passed.
Q University started classes in September. Ruan Mian’s major enrolled no more than 90 people each year, divided into Clinical Class 1 and Class 2. During the first period after enrollment, she was frantically busy, constantly shuttling between classroom, library, and dormitory in a three-point line. Before she could catch her breath, the new semester was already half over.
Before Christmas, the sign language club that Ruan Mian belonged to prepared to hold a Christmas party for the children at a social welfare institution in the city suburbs on Christmas.
Ruan Mian spent a weekend and was “recruited” for the role of a tree in Snow White. On the day of the performance, she and several other trees held up a piece of synthetic tree bark and squatted in the back chatting.
Everyone chatted about how they joined the club. Ruan Mian said she was eating in the cafeteria when she ran into a senior from the School of Environment who asked her to fill out a survey form. A few days later, someone called her and asked her to come to the sign language club’s classroom.
At the time, Ruan Mian went over in a daze, had an interview in a daze, and as a result joined the club in a daze. Now that everyone was chatting, they discovered they’d all fallen for the same routine.
After chatting for over half an hour, the performance also ended. They came down from the stage from the side. That evening, the club had a mixer with the neighboring Psychology Association. Ruan Mian wanted to leave, but was held back by Xin Mei, the senior from the School of Environment who had recruited her, and wouldn’t let go. “You can’t leave. Among the singles in our club, it’s just you newcomers. Life’s major matters need to be resolved early.”
“……”
Ruan Mian had no choice but to follow them to the meal location. As a result, unexpectedly, she ran into a familiar person from No. 6 High School there.
He Zechuan.
The boy who had scored 693 back then and came to No. 6 High School to repeat had scored into Q University’s Computer Science program this year on the college entrance exam.
He clearly still remembered Ruan Mian. Plus, several senior brothers and sisters heard that they were both from Pingcheng No. 6 High School and tried every way to push the two of them together.
That year during winter vacation, Ruan Mian returned to Pingcheng together with He Zechuan.
However, their relationship only stopped at the friend level. He Zechuan had no intention of going further, and Ruan Mian even less so.
In fact, on the evening after the mixer ended, Ruan Mian honestly told him that she liked someone and temporarily had no thought of accepting a new relationship.
As a result, after hearing this, He Zechuan directly raised his hand and high-fived her, saying, “What a coincidence, me too.”
“……” That really was quite a coincidence.
Later, after becoming familiar, Ruan Mian was curious about why He Zechuan had withdrawn from Z University back then and casually asked during idle chat.
He Zechuan raised his head from the computer, touching his chin with a completely serious expression. “Because the person I liked found a boyfriend in my department. I couldn’t accept it.”
“……”
Seeing Ruan Mian’s expression as if she’d swallowed something, he laughed until his shoulders shook. “Just kidding, just kidding. I actually ended up at Z University through falling through the cracks. After attending classes for a month, I felt uncomfortable everywhere. Later, thinking about it, I still felt unwilling, so I went back to repeat. Originally I even wanted to try for top scorer for fun, but who knew it would be snatched away by you.”
By then it was already winter vacation. He accompanied Ruan Mian out to select a computer. After hearing this, Ruan Mian waved the bank card in her hand. “Alright, this matter was my fault. At noon, I’ll treat you to a big meal.”
“……”
Over the following two years, Ruan Mian and He Zechuan maintained infrequent contact. Neither of them thought about crossing that boundary line.
Although many people told Ruan Mian that He Zechuan was handsome, kind, and would make an absolutely unmatched excellent boyfriend, she still didn’t have that thought.
At the end of the winter semester of the third year of undergraduate studies, Ruan Mian’s major finished the medical pre-professional training at Q University and moved to the Dongdan campus in the city center to continue the following five and a half years of clinical medicine professional study.
That winter, J University where Meng Xinglan and Jiang Rang studied participated in the National College Student Robot Competition led by Q University.
The semifinal venue was set at Q University.
Meng Xinglan and Jiang Rang were vice-captains of their school’s freshman competition team. For them now, this kind of competition was already child’s play.
He Zechuan was similarly vice-captain of Q University’s representative team, also responsible for receiving student representatives from major universities.
On the day of airport pickup, before He Zechuan even mentioned it, Ruan Mian proactively went to be his labor force.
A group of people stood by the T1 exit holding “Welcome XX University” signs. He Zechuan wore the down jacket issued by the team, head lowered as he yawned. “Why are you so diligent today?”
Ruan Mian looked at him. “Which day am I not diligent?”
“……” He Zechuan put both hands in his pockets. “I still miss the restraint and sincerity from when we first met.”
Ruan Mian laughed and ignored him.
Later, other schools gradually arrived. Meng Xinglan saw Ruan Mian before Ruan Mian saw her. She let go of her luggage and rushed toward her.
He Zechuan, not understanding the situation, thought it was something else and instinctively grabbed Ruan Mian’s hood to pull her back. Meng Xinglan missed catching her.
“……”
“……”
“……”
Meng Xinglan was the first to react, pulling Ruan Mian to her side. “Who’s this?”
“Vice-captain of our school’s competition team, He Zechuan. Also my friend.” Ruan Mian turned her head to look at the boy. “This is my good friend from No. 8 High School, Meng Xinglan, also one of the vice-captains of J University’s competition team this time.”
He Zechuan said “oh” indifferently and proactively extended his hand toward her. “Hello, He Zechuan.”
“Hello.” Meng Xinglan briefly shook hands with him. Jiang Rang also walked over at this time. Several people got acquainted, and Ruan Mian took them out to catch a ride.
In the car, Meng Xinglan asked, “This guy is quite handsome. He’s not your boyfriend, is he?”
Ruan Mian said, “No, just friends. He was my classmate when I repeated at No. 6 High School.”
“Mm, good thing he’s not. Otherwise, if we beat you in tomorrow’s competition, I wouldn’t be able to be too happy.”
Ruan Mian pressed her lips together, wanting to speak but stopping. “……”
As a result, during the next day’s competition, Q University’s side really did lose to J University. After the entire semifinal ended, Q University hosted a farewell banquet. Meng Xinglan competed with He Zechuan in drinking at the banquet and got thoroughly drunk. After the gathering dispersed, Ruan Mian and Jiang Rang together sent her back to her room.
Meng Xinglan had good drinking manners. After getting drunk, she didn’t make a fuss either and fell right into bed. Ruan Mian covered her with a blanket and asked the girl sharing the room to keep an extra eye on her at night.
Coming out of the room, Ruan Mian saw Jiang Rang waiting outside. Her eyelid jumped unexpectedly.
After graduation, she had changed her phone number. The QQ account she used before was hacked during her repeat year because she hadn’t logged in for a long time. When she recovered it, the contacts inside had already been deleted clean.
Ruan Mian simply stopped using that account and lost contact with many people from the class. Jiang Rang was one of them. If it weren’t for Meng Xinglan, they might have found it very difficult to meet again.
At this moment, Jiang Rang wore a black long down jacket, left open, revealing the J University team uniform inside. His handsome face was tinged with redness. “Want to take a walk?”
Ruan Mian couldn’t refuse. Sighing in her heart, she said, “Alright.”
The two of them didn’t walk far, circling the artificial lake near the hotel and continuing forward. Winter in B City was different from Pingcheng’s damp cold. The cold here was dry, a bold and sweeping cold.
There weren’t many people by the lake at night, only the occasional young person jogging past.
At first, no one thought to speak first. Later, Ruan Mian probably felt that continuing to walk like this wasn’t a solution and asked, “When are you returning to school?”
Jiang Rang glanced at the shadow on the ground, then glanced at her. “Tomorrow afternoon flight.”
“Oh, then be safe.” Ruan Mian sighed lightly, really not knowing what to say.
After walking for almost half an hour, Jiang Rang suddenly stopped and asked in a low voice, “These past few years… have you had any contact with Chen Yi?”
Ruan Mian first froze, but quickly understood something and shook her head. “No.”
After that farewell dinner parting, she had never seen him again. Aside from those two text messages before he went abroad, she and he had no other contact.
As if this person didn’t exist anymore.
But Ruan Mian herself knew clearly that not contacting and not meeting someone didn’t represent being forgotten. Two years ago, when she learned from Meng Xinglan that Sheng Huan had also applied to a university in the same city as Chen Yi, she suffered from insomnia for that entire month.
Jiang Rang smiled and sighed. A large cloud of white breath dispersed in the air. “Actually, after all this time, there’s still one thing I want to ask.”
Hearing this, Ruan Mian’s hand in her pocket tightened. She didn’t make a sound or try to stop him. Some things should have an ending.
“Back in high school, were you deliberately distancing yourself from me?”
“Yes.”
“Because of Chen Yi?”
“Mm.”
Jiang Rang laughed, the corners of his eyes tinged red. “Do you remember? That winter during our sophomore year when I said I’d tutor you in English.”
Ruan Mian looked up at him.
“Actually, the lecture notes I used to teach you were organized from supplementary lessons I’d taken with Chen Yi before. Those test points and techniques were all things Chen Yi had taught me in the past. So from the very beginning, it was all Chen Yi. It had nothing to do with me.” He smiled in a way that made one sad. “But I clearly met you first.”
Ruan Mian pressed her lips together and looked up at the tall tower across the lake. “Jiang Rang, before I went to No. 8 High School, I had already met Chen Yi first.”
Checkmate.
Jiang Rang laughed and sighed. “No wonder.”
“But does affection really have a first-come-first-served basis?” This time, Ruan Mian finally no longer avoided Jiang Rang. “Even if I hadn’t met him in advance, at No. 8 High School, at Pingjiang West Lane, Chen Yi and I were bound to meet sooner or later. Who you meet and who you’ll come to like—it’s more like each person’s fate. Those with better luck get what they wish for. Those with worse luck—it’s the so-called tribulation.”
“Jiang Rang, people must look forward.” Ruan Mian said, “I’ve already started learning to let go. I hope you can too.”
……
The next day, representative teams from major campuses gradually began returning to their schools. Ruan Mian didn’t go to see them off. That day she was busy moving dormitories to the new campus. By the time she received the message, they had already boarded the plane.
Later, about half a year passed. Ruan Mian heard from Meng Xinglan that Jiang Rang was preparing to study abroad. She didn’t know if the words from that night had been useful, only hoped that he was truly looking forward.
At that time, she was rushing between classroom and laboratory every day. There were endless research topics to write and endless data reports to submit. She was so busy she was overwhelmed, having not contacted He Zechuan for several weeks.
From 2015 to 2017, Ruan Mian finished her internship after finishing her clinical observation. During the period of rotating through hospital departments during internship, she was even more busy with day and night reversed, seeing all manner of human life, observing medical conflicts. Her entire mentality was thoroughly tested.
In the summer of 2018, Ruan Mingke sold the house at Nanhu Garden and purchased a larger fully-renovated flat within the city’s second ring road, planning to bring Zhou Xiujun over to retire there.
Ruan Mian returned to Pingcheng during summer vacation. The large luggage items at home had already been packed and moved to the new home. Only Ruan Mingke’s important materials in the study and things in Ruan Mian’s bedroom remained.
After arriving home, Ruan Mingke was tidying up in the study. Over these years, she and her father had each been busy with their own studies and careers, rarely meeting.
“Dad.” Ruan Mian stood at the study doorway, like many times during childhood when she’d come home from school and rush straight into the study without even taking off her backpack.
Hearing his daughter’s voice, Ruan Mingke turned around from in front of the bookshelf.
He was already over fifty this year. His temples and the crown of his head were completely peppered with white. Probably because he often stayed in the Northwest, he looked considerably more weathered and even wore glasses now.
“Why didn’t you tell me when you were coming back? I could have picked you up at the airport.” Ruan Mingke closed the book, stepped over a floor full of waste paper, and walked toward the door. “Have you eaten?”
Ruan Mian raised her hand to dust off the dirt on his shoulder. “Not yet.”
“Then let’s go. Dad will take you to a restaurant.” Ruan Mingke went into the bathroom to wash his hands, then went into the bedroom. “I’ll change clothes. Be ready in a moment.”
Ruan Mian smiled. “Dad, there’s no such rush. I can stay for half a month this trip.”
His voice came from the bedroom. “That’s great.”
Ruan Mian made an affirming sound and turned a circle in the house. This place carried all the memories of her childhood and adolescence. Thinking that she’d never see it again in the future, she felt inexplicably sad.
Ruan Mingke came out of the bedroom after changing clothes. Seeing her like this, he asked, “Can’t bear to part with it?”
“A little.”
“Dad can’t bear to either, but this place is too small. Once your grandmother moves in and we hire a helper, there won’t be room.” Ruan Mingke laughed and sighed. “It’s still better to have money.”
Ruan Mian laughed out loud. “Alright, let’s go eat. I’m hungry.”
“Coming.”
Ruan Mian would turn twenty-six after this year’s birthday. Ruan Mingke had never pressured her about marriage matters, but Fang Ruqing was extremely anxious. Every time she saw Ruan Mingke, she would bring it up, telling him to mention it to Ruan Mian more often.
After it happened so many times, Ruan Mingke kept the matter in mind. While eating, he obliquely asked, “Have you found a boyfriend?”
“Dad, why are you acting like Mom now?” Ruan Mian picked up a small portion of green vegetables with her chopsticks. “I’m so busy now, how would I have time to date?”
“But there should at least be some prospect, right?” Ruan Mingke said, “I have a colleague whose—”
“Dad, if you say more, I’m going back tomorrow.”
“Alright, alright, I’ll stop.” Ruan Mingke watched her eat for a while, then suddenly asked, “Are you still thinking about that boy from before?”
Ruan Mian’s chopstick motion paused, then she immediately denied it. “No.”
This wasn’t a lie.
She and Chen Yi had gone too long without seeing each other—so long that she could barely even remember what he looked like anymore. That unforgettable secret crush from her youth had also been veiled by a layer of gauze in the river of time.
Over these years of studying, Ruan Mian had also tried to get in touch with new people. The year before last, she dated a senior brother of He Zechuan’s for three months. The other party dated someone new at Q University because she was too busy. As a result, He Zechuan caught him and beat him black and blue.
Later, He Zechuan laughed about this for over half a year. Ruan Mian also developed a psychological shadow about finding a boyfriend. Combined with truly being busy, this matter of relationships kept being delayed until now.
She wasn’t deliberately remembering him. She just hadn’t encountered the right person yet.
After eating, Ruan Mian and Ruan Mingke went home to pack up the remaining things. The clothes and large items in her room were all packed. Only things in the bookshelf and desk remained.
But really packing them up also took quite a bit of time. Ruan Mingke’s scheduled moving company came at six o’clock to transport a load of luggage.
Ruan Mian still had things in the desk drawer left to pack.
She found the key to the drawer in the pen holder on the desk. Probably because it hadn’t been used for too long, the key took half a day to align with the hole.
Opening it, there wasn’t anything valuable inside—just a notebook and a phone.
The notebook’s cover was already somewhat faded, the paper yellowed. The handwriting on it was also already somewhat blurred. Ruan Mian casually flipped through a few pages. In a trance, she seemed to return to those two years of high school.
The sudden noise from outside brought her back to her senses. Ruan Mian closed the notebook, picked up the phone. The charging cable was wrapped around the phone’s exterior. She found the plug and inserted it to charge for a while, then pressed the power button with a let’s-try-it attitude.
Unexpectedly, it actually powered on. You had to know that this brand of phone not only hadn’t flourished in the current market, but even the company was gone.
After the phone powered on, there were several minutes of buffer time. Then messages actually popped up. Ruan Mian clicked in to look—turned out they were overdue payment text messages from several years ago.
She prepared to exit, but inadvertently clicked into the sent folder in the process. The old-style phone’s response was too ridiculous. After she pressed the back button twice in succession, the page directly jumped into the most recently sent text message page.
……
“Secret crushes are bitter, like summer wind—sounds nice, but blowing brings only sweltering heat. So summer ended, and I stopped liking you too.”
“Chen Yi, I wish you safe travels and a bright future.”
The time was August 29, 2010, at 6:01 PM.
That was a long time ago, when Ruan Mian learned that Chen Yi would fly to the University of California the next day. She sent him a text message.
It was a confession, also a farewell.
It was the period she drew for herself at the end of her obscure and unclear secret crush career.
……
Ruan Mian stood in the room for too long. After Ruan Mingke finished his work outside, he stood at the doorway and called her. “Mianmian, time to go.”
“Oh, okay.” She came back to her senses, put the phone and notebook together into a cardboard box, and sealed it tightly with tape.
Outside the window, the sunlight was beautiful. Ruan Mian picked up the box and walked out of the room.
——End of Volume One——