That night, Xie Little Flower couldn’t sleep until dawn.

He couldn’t understand why the world was this way, but he understood that a woman who couldn’t walk, who needed others’ help even to relieve herself, was pitiful.

From then on, he ran to the front courtyard even more diligently, studied the qin even more earnestly, and at night lying in bed, his fingers would play on his belly.

Liu Zhen became a bit more patient with him, occasionally having the little maid mend his clothes or send over a pastry or two.

One afternoon, Liu Zhen fell asleep in her wheelchair. He stopped playing and gazed at her face, suddenly developing the desire to touch her cheek.

After some more time passed, this desire changed—he wanted to kiss her cheek.

After yet more time, the desire changed again—he wanted to embrace her.

She was very light. That day when he lifted her up, he expended no effort at all—it was like holding a feather.

When a person has something on their mind, they may hide it from their face, but they cannot hide it from their qin music.

Liu Zhen asked: “What’s troubling you?”

His face turned as red as a steamed crab.

Liu Zhen saw him remaining silent and said: “Your qin music contains tenderness—you must have someone in your heart.”

He nodded.

Liu Zhen said: “Since you have someone, be honest with your young master and marry her home early to start your life together.”

He didn’t know where the courage came from: “If I tell my young master and he agrees, would you agree?”

Liu Zhen froze. After a long while, she told him to get lost.

He got lost, but soon rolled back, clutching a purse in his hand.

Over these years as a servant, he had saved all his monthly wages—over ten taels of silver—all in that purse.

He said: “This is my entire fortune right now. Once my young master passes the provincial examination, my monthly wages will increase.”

He said: “I’ve followed my master for many years. He will definitely pass the provincial examination, and will become a high official in the future. If you suffer with me for a few years, you’ll enjoy blessings afterward.”

He said: “Your legs are damaged, but your body isn’t. We can still have children. You handle the birthing, I’ll handle the raising—you won’t have to worry about a thing.”

He continued: “My master treats me well. If I beg him, he’ll definitely agree.”

He finally said: “Liu Zhen, I will treat you as a person.”

Liu Zhen’s eyes turned crimson as she looked at him. After looking for a long time, she smiled faintly and told him to get lost again!

……

He didn’t know if all sixteen or seventeen-year-old youths possessed such stubborn persistence, but Xie Little Flower certainly did.

Besides stubbornness, he also had a face thicker than city walls.

He studied the qin for five years and pestered her for four years, and the answer he always received was: Get lost!

Until the first day his master entered the examination hall for the spring imperial examination, she summoned him and asked him to quietly come to her room that night.

His heart pounded like a drum.

That night, he went. She sat at the bedside, dressed beautifully, and told him not to disturb the maid—to carry her to the rear courtyard.

Upon reaching the rear courtyard, he latched the door, entered the room, and placed her on the bed.

She poked his waist with her finger and asked: “Are you thirsty?”

His mouth was parched and throat dry: “Thirsty.”

Her lips pressed against his…

Like morning dew, like spring drizzle, like aged wine.

Xie Little Flower was no longer thirsty. He was intoxicated.

His master took the examination for three days, and they entwined passionately for three nights.

On the last day, as dawn approached, he said: “After my master’s results are posted, I’ll tell him.”

In his embrace, she was as gentle as a kitten, nodding obediently.

His master’s name appeared on the list, and quite high up at that. Formal apprenticeship, visiting friends, classmate banquets—he was overwhelmingly busy.

He couldn’t get away—he had to follow everywhere—and couldn’t find the time to speak.

Next came the return home in glory.

In the hasty departure, he bid Liu Zhen a rushed farewell, repeatedly urging her to wait for his return.

On the journey home, he told his master the truth.

His master remained silent the entire way, telling him to think it through carefully—she was so much older than him, and the Sang family wouldn’t let her go.

Only then did he realize he had oversimplified matters.

Between him and Liu Zhen stood the Sang family.

After half a year at home, his master received an official position in the capital and returned to serve.

On the road, he told his master he had thought it through—as long as she was willing to marry, he was willing to take her as his wife. The Sang family shouldn’t be able to stop them.

His master remained silent the entire journey again, saying things weren’t that simple.

Upon returning to the capital, after settling his master, he immediately went to their old residence.

The one who opened the door was the older of Liu Zhen’s two maids.

He asked where Liu Zhen was.

The maid stared at him for a moment, then led him to Liu Zhen’s former side room.

In the side room, there was no Liu Zhen—only a cold memorial tablet and an old qin.

Liu Zhen was dead.

She died on an early autumn night.

When she died, blood was still flowing from below her—a five-month-old fetus had just been aborted hours earlier.

The pregnancy couldn’t be hidden. The Sang family came to the door.

They forced Liu Zhen to reveal who the adulterous lover was.

They cursed her as a lewd woman, a slut, a whore, spat on her body.

They grabbed her hair, pinched her mouth open, and forced her to drink abortifacient medicine.

Finally, Liu Zhen’s own son slapped her across the face and said: “How could I have such a shameless mother!”

That night, Liu Zhen swallowed gold and took her own life.

“I asked the maid if she had any final words left for me. The maid said she left one sentence.”

Xie Little Flower’s voice suddenly choked with emotion, his hands clenched tightly into fists.

“She said: Thank you for letting me be a person for three days!”

In the room, there wasn’t a single sound.

Even the most wooden Zhu Qing had slightly reddened eyes.

Li Buyan wiped away tears, her heart filled with regret. “Steward Xie, I’m sorry for uncovering your painful memories.”

Xie Little Flower turned his back and used his sleeve to wipe away tears, then grinned and said:

“Aiya, Miss Li, please don’t say that. So many years have passed—this old servant has let it go.”

Yan Sanhe sniffled. “If you’ve let it go, why are you still alone?”

“I did look. None were suitable.”

Xie Little Flower sighed. “Previously, the master even helped this old servant select a girl from a good family.”

Yan Sanhe: “Didn’t you approve of her?”

“It’s not that I didn’t approve.”

Xie Little Flower smiled self-deprecatingly: “I just felt it was meaningless. I’m fat and old—tell me, what could she possibly see in me? My layers of fat?”

Yan Sanhe said softly: “Then you still haven’t let it go.”

“Miss Yan.”

Xie Little Flower’s smile faded. “Not everything can be let go. Two lives—both because of me.”

His gaze fell deeply on Xie Zhifei: “If that child had lived, he would have been much older than Third Master.”

He probably would have been handsome too.

He would have had a sweet tongue.

He would have called him “Little Flower, Little Flower” just like Third Master does.

At five months, hands and feet had already formed.

The sins he committed, the mother and child suffered for—how could he then feel justified in marrying, having children, and enjoying family happiness?

He wanted to show Liu Zhen below that some men, even after losing their women, could remain chaste for life.

Aiya!

But he hadn’t really remained chaste—he’d frequented brothels and flower houses just the same, and even now still had favorites at the flower houses.

“Xie Little Flower, I always wondered why you treated me so well.”

Xie Zhifei’s eyes brimmed with tears: “So you want me to provide for you in your old age and see you to your grave!”

Xie Little Flower looked at the little cub he had raised and chuckled.

“Just say whether you will or won’t!”

“I will!”

—