“Huaiyou, let’s look again at her identity as Fifth Madam.”

Xie Zhifei paused slightly.

“Who gave her the identity of Fifth Madam? Zheng Huantang. With Zheng Huantang came Zhao’s status and position in the Zheng family.

Who gave Zheng Huantang his identity?

Old General Zheng.

In other words, Zhao, Zheng Huantang, and the Old General were grasshoppers on the same rope—glory and loss were shared.

After the Old General had already made the decision to substitute one child for another, even for Father’s sake, Zhao should have treated you, Huaiyou, well.

Because they were husband and wife bound by their first marriage.

As the saying goes, first marriage creates husband and wife, love and trust without doubt.

Between husband and wife, is love alone enough?

Far from it!

They must also be able to share both sweet and bitter.

Zhao married up into the Zheng family, thinking being Fifth Madam meant enjoying blessings and flowers in brocade. She only knew about sharing the sweet, never anticipating sharing the bitter.

What does sharing bitter mean? It means giving from the heart without complaint, the husband and wife working hand in hand to get through the most difficult years.

Zhao was unwilling in sharing bitter times, as if the whole world owed her something. Eventually, even the good-tempered Zheng Huantang became estranged from her.

If Crown Princess Liang had been sitting in the position of Zheng Family’s Fifth Madam, what would she have done?

She would have treated you as her own, because her upbringing from childhood told her that in this world, there is no getting without cost, and no giving without purpose.

If she treated you well by one measure, her son would benefit by one measure, and her position in her husband’s heart would rise by one measure.

She would even think of the future—when you grew up, remembering that she once raised you, you might turn back to help the Zheng family, to help her son.

What is this?

This is the shrewdness and calculation of a woman from a great clan, and also her breadth of heart and pattern in conducting herself.

So when the Crown Prince was defeated, Liang chose to follow the Crown Prince in death. Without the skin, where can the hair attach? Living on alone was not what her identity as Crown Princess should do.

Zhao didn’t have such breadth of heart and pattern.

Because from childhood she lacked such upbringing and insight, she didn’t understand that while enjoying the glory and wealth her status brought, she also had to shoulder the responsibilities that status entailed.

She understood even less that her glory and wealth were intimately connected to Old General Zheng’s safety.

She foolishly used your identity, Huaiyou, to threaten Zheng Huantang. How could Zheng Huantang not come to detest her?

Xie Zhifei let out a long sigh.

“This is also what I mentioned earlier as the root cause. From the root, Zhao marrying into the Zheng family was a mistake. The Old General’s opposition was correct.

Huaiyou, earlier I said that as Zheng Family’s Fifth Madam, her dislike of you was reasonable and justified.

But what I really wanted to say was that she fundamentally didn’t know how to be Zheng Family’s Fifth Madam, and naturally couldn’t properly act the part.”

“A proper match of families!”

Li Buyan sneered: “What the ancestors passed down is right.”

Xie Zhifei still didn’t seem to hear Li Buyan’s words. His gentle gaze remained on the young woman’s face throughout.

“Looking again at Zhao as a person—eight years didn’t help her shed her vanity or allow her to gradually settle down. Instead, she focused her attention on small matters like clothes and nine-linked rings.

She feared her own aging, was jealous of your intelligence and vitality. A woman nearly thirty competed at every turn with you, not yet eight years old.

Why?

Because her inner self was empty. From beginning to end, she lived in other people’s eyes and mouths.

Shen Duruo’s lifelong pursuit was practicing medicine and treating illness.

Liang’s lifelong pursuit was assisting the Crown Prince to ascend to high position.

Master Huiru’s lifelong pursuit was being a good abbess of Water Moon Convent.

Even the lowliest Pearl Sister had something she persisted in—persisting in living on, living longer than anyone.

They all lived for themselves, so they didn’t fear others’ eyes and mouths. Even if criticized or despised, they lived strong and fearless.

Huaiyou, Zhao couldn’t even compare to Pearl Sister.

The blade in Pearl Sister’s hand struck at those who bullied her, who couldn’t tolerate her. But Zhao’s hand reached toward you—the most weak and small, most innocent, most defenseless.”

At these words, the expressions of Young Master Pei, Li Buyan, and the others all changed dramatically.

What did these words mean?

Could it be that Yan Sanhe’s death was related to Zhao?

“Your being raised in the Zheng family was Old General Zheng’s idea. Confining her in Haitang Courtyard for eight years was also Old General Zheng’s doing.

If she had grievances and anger, she should have directed them at Old General Zheng. But she didn’t have that courage, so she directed all her hatred at you.

If not for you, her daughter wouldn’t have become a nun.

If not for you, her husband wouldn’t have become estranged from her.

If not for you…

Jealousy can make a person’s face become unrecognizable. Hatred can blind a person’s heart. Over time, these two things become like firecrackers—they only need a spark to blow someone to pieces.

On the fifteenth day of the seventh month in the eighth year of Yonghe, that spark finally ignited.

In the dark, Zhao entered your room. Those hands gripped your neck. You kept struggling.

She feared you would cry out, so she pressed her body against you, her hand covering your mouth and nose.

This was the closest you had ever been. You smelled the faint osmanthus oil fragrance from her hair.

This osmanthus oil was made by Father with his own hands.

Every Mid-Autumn Festival, the steward would bring the freshest osmanthus flowers. Father would pick the clean ones, placing them one by one into glass bottles, then adding tung oil…

When combing her hair each day, she would apply some osmanthus oil. The oil could nourish the hair, making the combed hair smooth and perfectly arranged.

Mother often held me but never held you.

You thought she didn’t like you simply because you were a girl.

But you didn’t know that for her biological daughter, for her identity as Fifth Madam, for herself, during these eight long years, she had become unrecognizable, hating you to the bone.

Huaiyou, in your short eight years of life, all you sought was Mother’s embrace.

All you wished for was Mother showing you a bit of a smile, praising you once.

All you hoped for was that bit of tenderness in Mother’s eyes.

But unfortunately…”

Xie Zhifei’s voice choked up again.

“Unfortunately, you never received it. When you finally truly smelled the osmanthus fragrance from Mother’s hair, it was when she was trying to kill you.

In your heart you wondered: Mother, I’ve already been so very obedient—why do you want to kill me?

In your heart you blamed yourself: Mother, did I do something wrong again, did I make you unhappy somehow, so you want to kill me?

You had read about Nezha Conquers the Dragon King, knew about cutting flesh to return to mother, cutting bone to return to father.

You thought your life was given by her, so you slowly stopped struggling, returning this life to her. From then on, owing nothing, remembering nothing, with no attachments.

But your heart ached to the core, with hatred reaching the heavens.

Mother!

Since you detest me so much, why did you bring me into this world in the first place!”

Xie Zhifei’s long-suppressed tears finally rolled down.

“Huaiyou, this is your second heart demon. The osmanthus fragrance is Zhao—the embrace you could never obtain, and also the maternal love you never experienced.”