More than exploration, it was like a kind of confirmation, leading them to invade each other’s breath until oxygen was depleted.

Meng Fuyuan sensed Chen Qingwu’s palm pressing against his chest, weakly pushing once, and finally stopped. His hand pressed against her back, forcefully pulling her into his embrace.

Their heartbeats were still intense, unable to calm down for a long time.

Neither made a sound. In the space, there was only the faint hum of the computer host running in standby mode.

Suddenly he felt a patch of damp warmth on his shoulder.

Meng Fuyuan was startled.

He immediately lowered his head to touch Chen Qingwu’s forehead, wanting her to lift her face, but she shook her head and buried her face even deeper.

Tears soaked through the fabric, the skin feeling as if scalded.

Meng Fuyuan was at a loss. After a moment’s hesitation, he finally reached out to press her chin, lifting her face with some force.

Her eyes were completely red, hazy with tears. That expression of sadness bordering on desolation made his heart constrict tightly.

“…What’s wrong, Qingwu?” Even Meng Fuyuan’s breathing became labored.

“I’m sorry… maybe I shouldn’t have kissed you…” She looked at him, blinked once, and a falling teardrop landed on his finger. “…I’m so scared. I hope every step I take is well-considered, because once I’m with you, it means…”

“Betraying everyone and being abandoned by all.”

When Meng Fuyuan spoke this phrase, its weight made Chen Qingwu’s lashes tremble. “…I’m very cowardly. I’m not ready for this yet. But just now, I couldn’t seem to control myself with reason…”

Meng Fuyuan’s palm cradled the back of her head, his thumb wiping away the wetness at the corner of her eye as he asked in a low voice, “Then do you like me?”

This action was perhaps somewhat futile, because her tears continued to flow.

“…Would you kiss someone you don’t like?”

“No.”

“Neither would I.”

Meng Fuyuan exhaled a long breath. “Then that’s enough, Qingwu.”

She had initiated the kiss.

She said she liked him.

Chen Qingwu looked at him, as if his reaction wasn’t within her expectations.

He lowered his head, his voice heavy. “From the moment I decided to pursue you, I thoroughly considered what we would face. You’re not cowardly, Qingwu. You’re far braver and more honest than you think you are.”

He was fully aware that at the very beginning, she might have just been curious about this unusual and stimulating game, which was why she didn’t refuse his approach.

But when she truly invested herself in it, there wasn’t a hint of game-playing attitude. Every step, she clearly gave feedback, never making him anxious about gain and loss.

And having reached this point today, the pressure of reality was bearing down like a great army, the opposition coming on strong.

In their camp, there were only the two of them.

He had observed for many years with cold detachment, already possessing the resolve that even a complete break would be acceptable.

But from the day Qingwu saw through his feelings until now, it had been at most only half a year. That she didn’t yet have the same resolute determination was completely normal.

Caught between the two families, she inevitably had to bear more pressure than him. He understood the personalities of both sets of parents better than anyone.

That she was afraid only showed that the worst-case scenario had entered her range of consideration.

How could he possibly reproach her for a moment’s insufficient decisiveness?

“Don’t cry, Qingwu…” Meng Fuyuan’s fingers continuously wiped away her tears, making her look up and meet his gaze. After this long silence, he ignored the dull ache in his heart and spoke hoarsely. “…Do you need… a bit more time to think it over slowly?”

All emotions congested in her chest at once. Chen Qingwu opened her mouth, not knowing what reaction would be correct.

“It’s alright. You just need to honestly tell me whether you need to calm down before making a decision.”

Chen Qingwu hesitantly nodded.

“Then I’ll wait for you to think it through.” Meng Fuyuan’s breath floated on her face, his voice carrying an accommodating calmness. “But let me say upfront—I’ve already done everything I can do for you, so during the time you’re considering, I won’t come looking for you. I’ll wait for you to come to me. And once you come, I’ll automatically take it to mean you’ve thought it through and decided to face the worst-case scenario with me together.”

Chen Qingwu was struck speechless.

How could there be someone like Meng Fuyuan in this world—possessing the accommodation and authority of someone older, yet without any arrogance or coercion?

With him, being weak was acceptable, reckless impulse was acceptable, even going back on her word was acceptable.

She was allowed to exist in all of Chen Qingwu’s forms, rather than having to be only that well-behaved and sensible Chen Qingwu, that compromising Chen Qingwu.

“One more thing.” Meng Fuyuan added in a heavy voice. “I’ll only wait for you for one… two months. I don’t want this matter to drag on until it fizzles out in the end. Today is December 26th. The deadline is February 26th. If by that day you still haven’t come to find me, I’ll block all your contact methods. From then on, all our interactions will be limited to social obligations between family friends. Can you accept this?”

More tears were about to fall. Chen Qingwu’s voice was hoarse. “Of course… this is only fair to you.”

Meng Fuyuan closed his eyes and exhaled heavily.

For a moment, neither spoke again.

The skin on her face felt tight, with a slight stinging pain. She lowered her eyes, feeling a dry, gritty pain in her eyes as well, no different from the one in her chest.

After a long silence, Meng Fuyuan spoke again, his voice dark and strained. “Are you hungry? Let’s eat something, then I’ll take you back.”

“…Okay.”

Chen Qingwu got down from the counter, turned and picked up the bouquet of roses wrapped in black paper, instinctively holding it very tightly.

Just as she was about to turn around, Meng Fuyuan suddenly reached out from behind and embraced her.

His head lowered, his face buried tightly in the crook of her neck.

His breath touched her skin, a scalding sensation. This embrace from behind seemed to lay bare all vulnerability.

All power of life and death, he had personally placed in her hands.

Her heart felt as if placed in ice and snow. Chen Qingwu’s movements stopped, wishing time could stop as well, so she wouldn’t have to make a choice.

Finally, Meng Fuyuan released his hold.

She saw him reach out to pick up the glasses from the counter.

A moment later, the voice from behind her held only absolute calm. “Let’s go.”

Chen Qingwu held the flowers and mechanically walked out.

At the doorway, she glanced at Meng Fuyuan’s face. That expression of extreme composure left no room for glimpsing any emotion.

How this meal ended, Chen Qingwu had no impression.

Walking out of the restaurant, she stood by the roadside, waiting for Meng Fuyuan to go to the parking lot to get the car.

The air was biting. Wind brushed her face with blade-like sharpness.

She took out her cigarette pack from her pocket but couldn’t find her lighter—she must have forgotten to bring it when leaving.

With a dejected sigh, she had to give up.

At this moment, headlights flashed.

Looking up, Meng Fuyuan’s car approached and stopped in front of her.

On the return journey, silence all the way.

The car stereo continued playing from the playlist, the volume very low, like the muffled roar of wind outside the window.

Chen Qingwu had heard this song before.

*”He also wants to hide with you in a lightless place to live, sharing ugliness, or spilled beer”*

*”He shouldn’t have been born, or should have been sacrificed”*

*”In the world he hates most, you are the person he loves most”* (*Note)

The car arrived at the studio entrance.

The earlier conversation had been too solemn, so that arriving here, all they could say was “rest early” and “good night.”

Chen Qingwu held the roses in one hand and pulled the car door open with the other.

Getting out, her movements paused slightly before she slammed the door shut.

She took one last look toward the driver’s seat, then turned toward the main entrance.

Just as she stepped up the stairs, she suddenly heard: “Qingwu.”

She immediately stopped and turned around.

Meng Fuyuan had gotten out of the car, one hand in his pocket, walking toward her.

In the cold wind, that figure was exceptionally desolate.

He stopped in front of her, directly grabbed her hand, gently opened her fingers, and placed something in her palm.

Without saying another word, he turned and left.

Chen Qingwu lowered her eyes.

A silver lighter.

She instinctively clutched it tightly, as if trying to hold onto the slight warmth remaining on it.

So much so that its four corners pressed into her palm with a fine pain.

[*Note: “Lover” by Lily Chou-Chou Tashuo]