Shen Fei: “…”

How was he supposed to know whether Shen Mo liked it or not?

Although, Shen Mo’s tastes had always been genuinely hard to read. For as long as Shen Fei could remember, this cousin of his had never seemed to have any particular fondness for anything — not hobbies, not interests, and not anything in the way of romantic feelings.

Back then, Shen Fei and his peers all had plenty of things they were passionate about: a game, a film, a pop song… They would imitate celebrity fashion, cheer themselves hoarse at a football match, and met everything around them with fresh energy and enthusiasm.

But Shen Mo had always been distant.

Even his studies had just been going through the motions — no real investment of feeling. He did everything the way a machine completes a task: methodical, flawless, and rigid.

He vaguely remembered once, at a family dinner, overhearing his uncle and his own father talking — they said that with a temperament like Shen Mo’s, perhaps a military academy would suit him best; most other paths would likely lead nowhere.

And indeed, Shen Mo had eventually gone to one…

As these memories surfaced, Shen Fei thought of how differently Shen Mo treated Bai Youwei, and something complicated stirred quietly in his chest.

“Hey, what are you daydreaming about?”

Bai Youwei reached out and waved a hand in front of his eyes. “How do I look dressed like this? Actually, red would go better with a bonfire night, but we’ve just come out of a game and red brings to mind blood — so I went with blue. How is it? Does it look good?”

“Mm… it looks good.” Shen Fei nodded and gave his honest opinion. “My brother likes blue.”

“Great, then let’s go.” Bai Youwei urged him along. “Hurry, hurry — back to the square!”

She’d already worked it all out. Even though she couldn’t dance, if she pushed herself she could stand up, and with a railing to hold, she could even manage a few steps.

She wanted to face the crowd.

She wanted to see a different version of herself reflected in his eyes.

She really did.

…

The drive back to the square took only three to five minutes.

On the way back they crossed paths with some young men and women heading home. Bai Youwei had taken time washing, dressing, and doing her makeup, and by now the bonfire celebration was winding toward its end — some people had already gone home.

Shen Fei gripped the steering wheel. His headlights swept over a couple kissing beneath a tree — caught in the light, the two young people startled like frightened birds and looked over. Shen Fei’s face went hot.

The girl pulled her collar closed, scolding the boy for choosing a roadside spot for that kind of thing; the boy kept an arm around her waist and murmured something to soothe her, but she grew even more flustered and swatted at him, the two of them chasing each other across to the other side of the road and quickly disappearing from view.

Shen Fei had stumbled across scenes like this before without any particular reaction — but now, sharing the car with Bai Youwei, he felt oddly and inexplicably awkward.

He cleared his throat and tried to use a perfectly normal tone: “I’ll park up ahead and then take you to find my brother.”

Bai Youwei said: “Forget it. Drive back.”

Shen Fei blinked. “Why…”

“Can you stop asking why all the time?!” Bai Youwei’s voice suddenly sharpened with anger. “Why, why, why! I don’t know why! I don’t know! Can’t I just want to go back?!”

Shen Fei went still. For a long moment he could only look at her.

Bai Youwei turned her face away in irritation and stared out the car window without a word.

An awkward silence settled through the car.

Neither of them spoke.

Shen Fei had no idea why she’d erupted with no warning whatsoever. She’d spent over an hour getting herself ready, and now at the very last moment she didn’t want to go? Her mood had seemed genuinely good just a minute ago — what had suddenly…

Wisely, he asked nothing more. Silently, he turned the car around and drove Bai Youwei back.

—