Zheng Shunshun couldn’t help but ask, “My lord — you said there was something worth hearing in all of Gan Daode’s nonsense just now. What exactly was it?”

Gui Yuanshu sighed. “So the only thing you came away with was the nonsense itself.”

Zheng Shunshun said quietly, “To extract something other than nonsense from within nonsense… that is beyond my present cultivation, I’m afraid.”

Zhao Shanying said, “My lord is calling you an idiot.”

Gui Yuanshu looked them over with a weary eye. The lot of them immediately assumed expressions of exaggerated remorse and lowered their heads — but Gui Yuanshu wouldn’t have believed even their moles, let alone their expressions.

“First,” Gui Yuanshu said, “we now know that the Black Warrior Tribes have withdrawn. Prince Ning Li Chi held the northern frontier and ultimately withstood the Black Warrior army of a million.”

The others nodded.

“Second,” Gui Yuanshu continued, “that scoundrel truly did go to Jizhou — but it was certainly not to reinforce Prince Ning Li Chi. He went hoping to seize Jizhou while the opportunity presented itself. But clearly, his forces were defeated by Li Chi as well.”

The others nodded again.

“Third,” Gui Yuanshu said, “and the main reason I’m not yet inclined to leave — because I believe I still have some measure of understanding of that person.”

Zheng Shunshun asked, “My lord’s ‘that person’ — which person?”

Zhao Shanying said, “Obviously, when my lord says ‘that person,’ he means that person — Gan Daode, that person.”

Gui Yuanshu let out a long sigh. “If I weren’t genuinely understaffed, I would drag all of you outside and bury you right now.”

He rose and stretched.

“Prince Ning Li Chi is a man who absolutely does not accept being on the losing end — and he is absolutely not the kind of man who swallows a loss and lets it go.”

Gui Yuanshu smiled slightly. “Let’s stay here and watch the show. If I’ve guessed correctly, he’ll be arriving in Wulai City to cause trouble for Gan Daode very soon.”

The four exchanged glances, all silently concluding that their lord had taken ill.

Li Chi presently had no forces to spare. He had just finished a grueling campaign against the Black Warrior Tribes lasting seven or eight months, with tremendous casualties. The Black Warrior Tribes had barely retreated — where would Li Chi find the strength to attack Qingzhou?

So the four men’s glances conveyed a fairly unified message: *our lord has fallen ill.*

The unspoken exchange among them grew increasingly elaborate — one man’s eyes said he couldn’t understand why their lord had suddenly taken ill; another’s replied with something to the effect of: lovesickness, obviously.

What else could explain his imagining that Prince Ning Li Chi would come to Wulai City in Qingzhou? It was simply not something that could happen.

Seeing their expressions, Gui Yuanshu decided he had no patience left to explain.

So he moved straight to decisive action.

“Why don’t we make a wager?” he said with a smile. “We bet on whether Prince Ning Li Chi will come to Wulai City to cause trouble for Gan Daode. If he comes, I win. If he doesn’t come, you win.”

Zheng Shunshun asked, “What are the stakes?”

Gui Yuanshu said, “If I win — Zheng Shunshun, you wash Zhao Shanying’s underclothes for a month. Zhao Shanying, you wash Ding Man’s underclothes for a month. Ding Man, you wash Zhang Youdong’s underclothes for a month. Zhang Youdong, you wash Zheng Shunshun’s underclothes for a month.”

The four men were momentarily struck dumb.

Zheng Shunshun asked, “My lord, if you win, the four of us wash each other’s underclothes for a month — what does my lord actually gain? Can it be that my lord… just wants to watch us wash underclothes?”

Gui Yuanshu said, “Get out — I don’t want anything. I just want to see the four of you thoroughly disgust each other.”

Zhang Youdong asked, “And if my lord loses?”

Gui Yuanshu said through gritted teeth, “If I lose, for one month I go without underclothes.”

The four men simultaneously pursed their lips.

Gui Yuanshu said, “I would sooner burn them than let any of you lay hands on them.”

Zheng Shunshun said, “My lord, you have it backwards — if you lose, you ought to wash them for the four of us. Why are you saying you’d burn them rather than let us touch them?”

Gui Yuanshu said, “I would sooner burn my own two hands than let your underclothes defile my pure and untainted hands. Is that clear enough?”

Zheng Shunshun gave a thumbs up. “Resolute!”

Zhang Youdong said, “But my lord could simply burn our underclothes — why burn your own hands? Could it be that my lord’s hands are of extraordinary moral rectitude, not to be defiled?”

The other three looked at him. Their expressions all said the same thing: *you absolute dunce.*

Hearing Zhang Youdong’s remark, Gui Yuanshu smiled and nodded. “You raise a fair point…”

Ding Man said, “My lord, if we stay on here without leaving, won’t Gan Daode grow suspicious?”

Gui Yuanshu let out a sigh. “Then there’s only one solution — feign illness.”

Ding Man said, “That’s not particularly stable. If Prince Ning Li Chi takes a month to arrive, I’d have to feign illness for a month. If he takes a year… if four of the five of us don’t actually die, it would be rather implausible.”

Gui Yuanshu said, “Four out of five dropping dead — I feel your loyalty and the risks involved. I love you all dearly. Do your best.”

Ding Man: “…”

Zheng Shunshun suddenly thought of something. He looked at Gui Yuanshu and said seriously, “My lord, you’re always saying Prince Ning Li Chi is full of ingenious schemes and you genuinely admire that — so why not think it through yourself? If you were Prince Ning Li Chi right now, how would you go about deceiving Gan Daode?”

Gui Yuanshu found himself at a loss for where to begin. Being suddenly asked to think as Li Chi would think — he had no immediate thread to pull.

He murmured to himself, “First… if Li Chi were in my position, there would have to be something in it for him. Without profit, he wouldn’t even bother with the deception…”

That thought sparked something. “Got it.”

He looked at his four subordinates. “When we go to dinner shortly, we’ll tell Gan Daode that we’re Ministry of Rites officials.”

Zheng Shunshun asked, “What for?”

Gui Yuanshu smiled with easy confidence. “They haven’t the faintest idea how to hold a proper celebration. At best they’d eat and drink. But as Ministry of Rites officials, we want to express our gratitude for the King of Qingzhou’s generous hospitality — and so we propose to stay and help plan the royal enfeoffment ceremony, since as Ministry of Rites officials we know all the proper procedures and protocols, and we are perfectly suited to take charge of it.”

He grinned, unable to stop himself. “I wouldn’t be surprised if that fellow turns around and says, ‘In that case, I am most grateful to the Imperial Envoy — my men are yours to command, and my treasury is yours to spend as you see fit.'”

The four of them stared at their lord, and faintly, they saw a pair of fox ears beginning to sprout from atop his head.

Before he’d come to know Li Chi, their lord had not been this way at all.

Not long afterward, Gan Daode sent someone to invite them to the banquet. They tidied themselves up, changing into fresh clothes, and went to join the feast.

During the drinking, Gui Yuanshu pretended to have had a few too many and let his guard down, going on at length about how generous the King of Qingzhou’s hospitality was and how they simply didn’t know how to repay it.

Zheng Shunshun seized the moment and proposed on Gui Yuanshu’s behalf that they help plan the royal enfeoffment ceremony — they weren’t in a rush to return, and they might as well stay until it was done before heading back to Daxing City.

Gan Daode’s face split into a delighted grin. To have the very imperial envoy dispatched by the Emperor personally host and preside over his enfeoffment ceremony — when word of that got out, the prestige would be extraordinary.

Besides, his men were all rough-and-tumble types — not a one of them truly understood propriety, ceremony, or the elaborate intricacies of formal ritual. They had no idea what day the enfeoffment ceremony should be held, what hour, what robes to wear, what words to speak, or what forms of obeisance to observe.

Ministry of Rites officials personally planning and managing the affair meant this enfeoffment ceremony would be conducted in splendid style.

On the spot, Gan Daode told his men, “Go send invitations to whatever kings are out there. Invite them to come and witness the occasion — let them see that this king’s grand ceremony is being presided over by imperial envoys sent directly by His Majesty.”

It was rather like a group of street ruffians all swimming in the same river, with one of them proudly declaring: *look at you lot — none of your underclothes are as fine as mine.*

Seeing the plan take hold, Gui Yuanshu and the others were elated, and they kept pouring drinks for Gan Daode through several more rounds.

Gan Daode drank until he was swaying, and his tongue began to thicken.

“This king hereby announces — the enfeoffment ceremony will be planned and presided over by Grand Counselor Gui. All of this king’s men are at Grand Counselor Gui’s disposal, and all of this king’s treasury is Grand Counselor Gui’s to spend as he pleases!”

In his heart, Gui Yuanshu cried out:

*Excellent!*

Pure delight.

The following morning, Gui Yuanshu and his men began making an earnest show of preparations — using the pretext of needing to familiarize themselves with Wulai City first, they set about enjoying a few days of sightseeing, all on Gan Daode’s tab.

And at this very moment, Li Chi and his party were still on the road, halfway to Wulai City.

In the carriage, Li Chi sat and went over the plan one more time in his head, then laid it out for everyone.

The plan had two key figures — and they were neither Li Chi nor Old Zhang Zhenren, and certainly not Dantai Yijing or Yu Jiuling.

These two key figures were Young Zhang Zhenren and Gao Xining.

First, Gao Xining was strikingly beautiful — in Li Chi’s estimation, the most beautiful woman in the world — and he was certain that the moment Gan Daode laid eyes on her, that man would be helplessly captivated by her looks.

*He doesn’t deserve her*, Li Chi thought, and clicked his tongue dismissively.

Then there was Young Zhang Zhenren — of everyone in the party, he had the fairest complexion and most delicate features, and Li Chi had harbored ulterior motives from the very start.

“Absolutely not!”

The moment Young Zhang Zhenren heard Li Chi lay out the plan, his expression changed immediately, his eyes wide with innocent protest.

He turned to Old Zhang Zhenren. “Master — they actually want me to dress as a woman.”

Old Zhang Zhenren sighed. “They have no other option.”

Young Zhang Zhenren: “???!!!”

He demanded, “Master, did they pay you off?!”

Old Zhang Zhenren said, “Not very much — not enough to share with you.”

Young Zhang Zhenren: “…”

Old Zhang Zhenren said, “You may be on the heavier side, but you’re quite good-looking for it — and because of the weight, you don’t even have a visible throat lump, so you won’t be easily seen through. Fair-skinned and handsome, when all is weighed and considered, you are the most suitable candidate.”

He gestured at Yu Jiuling. “If Yu Jiuling were to impersonate the Mountain-Sea Army’s young lady, and upon learning this was a marriage proposal, Gan Daode decided to declare war on the Mountain-Sea Army outright — would you blame him?”

Dantai Yijing said, “Such a monstrous humiliation — if it were me, I wouldn’t endure it either. I would declare war on the spot.”

Yu Jiuling: “…”

Li Chi said, “He probably wouldn’t declare war. He’d more likely chop up our ninth young master on the spot, and then go to war with the Mountain-Sea Army.”

Dantai Yijing ran through the plan Li Chi had laid out in his mind, and in the end confirmed — Young Zhang Zhenren truly was the most suitable.

Throughout the journey, they had told those manning the checkpoints the same story: that Gan Daode had sent men to the Mountain-Sea Army seeking a marriage alliance.

But once they reached Wulai City that story would no longer hold. Li Chi’s revised version was this: it was the Mountain-Sea Army who had taken the initiative to seek the alliance with Gan Daode.

Gan Daode had been at Dragon’s Head Pass and knew the Mountain-Sea Army had been badly defeated — but he did not know the full extent of that defeat.

The gap in his information gave Li Chi’s party exactly the room they needed to work with.

They could say that following the Mountain-Sea Army’s devastating losses, the chief commander had regrouped and reassessed — and concluded that the Mountain-Sea Army alone could no longer defeat Li Chi. So she had devised this plan: to form an alliance with Gan Daode, combining both armies’ strength to hold Li Chi’s Ning Army in check.

Just as Li Chi was thinking through all of this, Young Zhang Zhenren pointed at Dantai Yijing. “He’s also quite good-looking — why not him?!”

Dantai Yijing sighed, craned his neck, and deliberately bobbed his throat.

Young Zhang Zhenren looked at Li Chi, then at the others — including the several senior officers of the Tingwei Army — and it seemed that none of them would do.

Dressing as a woman was already absurd enough; a man dressing as a woman was even more outlandish. Without someone who genuinely looked the part, there was no hope of pulling it off.

Having surveyed the entire group, Young Zhang Zhenren realized with dismay that the one who looked most like a woman was, in fact, himself.

Sorrow welled up from the depths of his soul.

“I — I have one condition!”

Young Zhang Zhenren said with wounded indignation, “I absolutely refuse to wear rouge and powder!”

Yu Jiuling exhaled with relief. “Oh, is that all? I thought you were going to say you absolutely refused to wear a breast band.”

Young Zhang Zhenren’s eyes went wide. “I have to wear *that* too?!”

Old Zhang Zhenren rapped him on the head. “How did you know what ‘that’ he was referring to was?!”

Li Chi interjected, “Zhenren, please — the boy is grown.”

—