The so-called careful calculation had been a lie. The so-called “composure to ram Wei Jin to a stop” had been a lie too.

In the instant the accident happened, whether it was wrenching the wheel or ramming the bumper — none of it had anything to do with his original intention of pursuing Wei Jin.

In that split second between life and death, all that remained in him was the instinct to protect her.

There had been no time to think about anything else.

Ruan Yu wiped her tears with the back of her hand, only to find them falling faster and faster, hotter and hotter.

But the person responsible for making her cry like this was still standing in the kitchen, calmly pouring seasoning into the instant noodle cup as though nothing had happened.

She set down her phone, got up, and walked into the kitchen.

In the rising noise of the electric kettle coming to a boil, Xu Huaisong caught the sound of movement behind him. He was just about to turn and ask “what’s wrong?” when she wrapped her arms around him from behind.

He stilled. Seasoning spilled. He looked down at her hands clasped around his waist.

Without a word, she drew in a quiet, shuddering breath. A dampness spread slowly across the back of his shirt.

In this moment, she didn’t need to say anything. He already knew why she was crying.

Xu Huaisong lowered his eyes. He gently uncurled her hands, then turned around.

His expression hadn’t softened in the face of her tears — if anything, it had grown tighter.

He closed his eyes briefly, as though unwilling to look at her tears directly, and said, with just a trace of pleading: “Can you stop crying?”

Ruan Yu blinked, startled, and let out a small hiccup.

Xu Huaisong let out a quiet sigh.

He didn’t want to watch her cry.

From the moment the airbags had deployed, he hadn’t been able to shake the retrospective fear. He had appeared composed while handling the aftermath, appeared collected while standing here making noodles — but inside, waves had been crashing.

He was the one who had pulled her into danger in the first place. He was the one who owed her an apology. And yet here she was, looking at him with eyes that said from now on, she could leave everything to him.

Her tears left him speechless.

Xu Huaisong stood with his eyes closed, brow furrowed deeply.

Ruan Yu tilted her head up. Her initial confusion gave way to something else as she read the emotion etched between his brows — guilt, self-reproach, shame.

It dawned on her all at once.

Just as he finally gathered himself and opened his eyes to say something, she spoke first, laughing through her tears: “Wow, Xu Huaisong. You’ve got some nerve.”

Xu Huaisong was taken aback.

She looked up at him, meeting his eyes: “The bridge clearance is over forty meters. Jumping off would be a death sentence for Wei Jin. On top of that, he had a hostage — so the police might well have shot him to save her. You couldn’t let him die, which is why you gave chase when the squad cars couldn’t get close in time. You didn’t overthink it. I understand that…”

Then her tone shifted sharply, and she let out a low, indignant hum: “— But you actually expect me to say all of that to comfort you right now?”

Xu Huaisong was stunned again. He was normally quick on his feet, but her rapid reversals had thrown him completely off balance. After a pause, he said: “Comfort won’t do any good anyway.”

Ruan Yu dried her eyes and lifted her chin: “Exactly — it won’t do any good. Try imagining it the other way: what if today you hadn’t gone after him, and Wei Jin had died? Then I might be the one consumed by guilt. No matter what you said to comfort me, I’d still be thinking — if it weren’t for me holding you back, you never would have missed the best chance to stop him, would I?”

She paused, then let out a small smile: “Life is full of moments that catch us off guard, and in those moments, there’s never a perfect choice — because every choice comes with a cost. But the reality right now is: Wei Jin has been arrested, you’re fine, and I’m fine. I get to comfort you without carrying any guilt. As far as outcomes go, I’ve come out way ahead!”

Xu Huaisong’s gaze flickered softly. He reached out and brought his hand to rest against her cheek.

What had he done to deserve the understanding of a girl this brave?

He traced her face gently, his touch light — because somewhere inside him there were a million tons of love and no idea where to put them.

Then Ruan Yu told him: “Hey, actually I’ve been wanting to say this for a while — you have time to stand here feeling guilty, but no time to kiss me?”

The emotions he had been holding down all afternoon collapsed entirely at those words. Xu Huaisong lowered his head and kissed her.

Ruan Yu immediately stumbled back a step, letting out a string of flustered sounds against his lips, and pointed vaguely at the window behind him: “The — the curtains aren’t drawn…”

Xu Huaisong didn’t bother turning around to deal with the troublesome blinds. He simply picked her up and carried her all the way to the bedroom.

The room was dark. Ruan Yu moved to turn on the light, but Xu Huaisong caught her hand, cradling her face as he drew her back into a kiss.

Ruan Yu kissed him back, her hands wrapped around his waist slowly traveling upward until they hooked around his neck.

Stirred by her taking the initiative, Xu Huaisong deepened the kiss.

He seemed accustomed to letting his emotions loose in the dark — but this particular darkness gradually drew Ruan Yu back to the terrifying moments of that afternoon, and the male commentator’s words: that he managed to avoid it was pure luck.

She, too, now understood the longing to seek safety through closeness.

No matter how tightly they held each other, it didn’t feel like enough to truly possess the person she had nearly lost.

She grew unsatisfied with just kissing and pressed closer against him.

It was then that Xu Huaisong took a step back.

She didn’t understand, and moved forward.

He stepped back again.

She stepped forward again.

Then a dull thud.

The two of them toppled onto the bed, with Ruan Yu landing on top of Xu Huaisong.

Beneath Xu Huaisong was the soft give of the mattress.

What Ruan Yu felt beneath her, however, was something hard as iron.

“…” A secret had been discovered.

“…” A secret had been found out.

In the darkness, the two of them lay breathless, eyes locked on each other, neither saying a word.

But that particular development kept growing in the press of their bodies against each other — growing to the point where Ruan Yu’s eyes went wide, and she didn’t even dare breathe.

She felt, somewhere against her lower abdomen, as though a second heartbeat had appeared — one that pulsed.

In the dead silence, Xu Huaisong steadied her by the shoulders and moved her aside, only to accidentally brush against something in the process due to the positioning, and drew in a sharp, low hiss.

He cleared his throat. “Go eat your noodles. I’m going to take a shower.”

Ruan Yu let out a small sound and grabbed his hand: “Will… will a shower actually help?”

“It will…” He had his back to her. “…Probably.”

With that, he turned and disappeared into the bathroom — with somewhat the energy of a hasty retreat. Over twenty minutes later, he emerged, only to find Ruan Yu nowhere outside.

Not in the living room. Not in the bedroom. Her phone was gone too.

Xu Huaisong called her: “Where did you go?”

Ruan Yu’s cheerful voice came through from the other end: “The instant noodles were too gross — I went out to get something better to eat…”

“If you wanted something else, you could have told me. What are you doing running out by yourself at this hour?” He was already walking toward the entryway to put on his shoes. “Where are you? I’ll come find you.”

“No need!” Ruan Yu cut him off in a panic. “I’ll be back soon — just wait at home!”

Ruan Yu had never been a very convincing liar. Whenever something was on her mind, it was nearly impossible for her to hide it from him.

Like the other day, when she had come back from her meeting at Huanshi and had clearly been off ever since.

Xu Huaisong paused in the middle of putting on his shoes. He lowered his eyes, and his tone went flat: “Alright. Be careful.”

On the other end of the call, Ruan Yu hung up and pressed a hand to her startled chest, exhaling a long, shaky breath. Then a voice came from behind her without any warning: “Girl, buying protection and acting like you’re committing a crime?”

She flinched and turned around to find a heavily made-up woman staring at her with a bewildered expression.

She stood in front of the convenience store shelf and let out a nervous little laugh: “Oh, that — well, um…”

The woman apparently read everything she needed to from Ruan Yu’s face and pointed at the colorful display of products: “Ah… Do you need some help?”

Ruan Yu swallowed, her eyes saying everything the word “yes” would have.

“Here,” the woman plucked a box from the shelf, “for the first time, try this one. Easy to put on.”

“Why is it easy?”

The woman replied with complete gravity: “Because it’s large.”

“…”

“Oh — not that large? Then try this one,” she picked up another box, “less likely to hurt.”

Ruan Yu asked again, earnestly: “Why is it less likely to hurt?”

“Because it’s well-lubricated.”

Ruan Yu stood holding both boxes, brow furrowed in deliberation, then let out a little laugh and asked, ever so carefully: “Is there… one that’s both large and well-lubricated?”

When Ruan Yu got home, she found Xu Huaisong sitting alone with his head bowed, eating instant noodles.

She paused. “I bought proper food — how did you start eating already?”

He looked up at the large bag in her hands and said: “I was hungry.”

Ruan Yu said “oh” and sat down beside him with her portion of the takeout, and started eating alongside him — while periodically darting glances at the area around his trouser seam.

Noticing her gaze, Xu Huaisong’s fork paused mid-air. But when he looked at her, she was earnestly poking at a braised lion’s head meatball.

He lowered his head and went back to eating his noodles.

Ruan Yu, however, was too nervous to eat. After a few bites she closed the lid of the takeout container.

Xu Huaisong glanced at her barely touched meal and said nothing.

She threw away the takeout, cleared the trash, and after a while said: “I’m going to shower.”

Xu Huaisong made a quiet sound of acknowledgment.

Ruan Yu went into the bathroom, taking long, slow, deep breaths as she showered. When she came out, she found Xu Huaisong sitting on the sofa with his hands clasped together, staring into space — as though turning something over in his mind, a low, heavy mood around him.

She walked over, puzzled: “What are you thinking about? Are you still dwelling on what happened this afternoon?”

He shook his head and said: “I’ll go to the United States alone tomorrow.”

Ruan Yu was startled. He still had work to take care of over there, so of course he would need to rebook the trip — but why was he leaving her out of it?

Xu Huaisong continued: “The reason I was taking you along in the first place was because of Wei Jin. Now that he’s been arrested, there’s no reason for you to come and put yourself through the trouble.”

“But I wasn’t following you because of Wei Jin,” Ruan Yu frowned and sat down beside him. “I just didn’t want to be apart from you.”

Xu Huaisong turned to look at her. A faint struggle moved through his expression. “You don’t have to tie yourself to me just because of what happened this afternoon — not if you had a better choice to begin with.”

Ruan Yu had no idea what he meant, and realized something was off with him.

And truthfully, something had been off with Xu Huaisong even before today. She simply hadn’t noticed the full weight of it, because her own mind had been preoccupied. Now that her heart felt clearer, she could see that he was still sinking into something dark — and, it seemed, it had nothing to do with this afternoon.

She reached out and touched the back of his hand. “What’s going on with you? Has something been happening lately?”

Xu Huaisong drew a quiet breath. “You’re the one with something on your mind.”

Ruan Yu paused, then nodded slowly. “Yeah… I am…”

He gently moved her hand away. “That night when you were about to tell me something — I interrupted you. Tell me now.”

He was referring to the night she had come home from her meeting at Huanshi.

Before she could answer, Ruan Yu caught something in that small distancing gesture, and a faint understanding began to take shape.

Now that she thought about it — had he interrupted her on purpose that night?

She asked: “You deliberately said you wanted to sleep early. Then the next day you deliberately went to Su Shi on a work trip. All of it was because you didn’t want to hear what I had to say?”

“Yes.” Xu Huaisong lowered his eyes. “There was no work trip to Su Shi that day. After I left in the morning, I walked along the Qiantang River for a while.”

“…”

“Why?” Ruan Yu stared at him, and after asking, began turning things over in her mind.

Xu Huaisong had deliberately avoided the conversation — which meant he must have misread what she’d been about to say, assumed it was something bad. That was why, when he came back from the Qiantang River that day, he had rushed to ask her if she wanted to go to the United States with him.

Wei Jin had only been an excuse. He had been afraid she was leaving him — that was the real reason he wanted to take her away.

But why would he think she was leaving him?

Before Xu Huaisong could answer, it clicked for Ruan Yu all on its own.

That day at Huanshi, Li Shican had quietly walked her to her car — and then sent a WeChat message afterward. And at that moment, she had happened to ask Xu Huaisong whether she was a selfish person.

Selfish, as in: someone who only receives and never gives back.

So Xu Huaisong had assumed she was referring to the fact that she had been accepting Li Shican’s help without ever responding to his feelings.

He had assumed the thing she was wrestling with — the thing she was hesitating over — was whether or not to reciprocate Li Shican’s feelings.

“…” The realization left Ruan Yu speechless. She felt like an idiot.

Though of course, Xu Huaisong was the bigger idiot.

She said, suddenly alarmed: “Just now, when I went to the convenience store and told you not to come — you didn’t think that had something to do with Li Shican too, did you?”

Xu Huaisong said nothing. His silence was as good as a confession.

Ruan Yu felt a surge of exasperation mixed with helpless laughter: “Xu Huaisong, you are absolutely going to be the death of me!”

He blinked, caught off guard.

Ruan Yu reached back for her phone and opened her chat with Lu Shenglan, holding it out toward him: “Here. Read this carefully. This is actually why I’ve had something on my mind.”

Xu Huaisong scrolled through the conversation, frowning. “What did she say to you?”

At first, Ruan Yu had still been weighing how to bring it up — but now she stopped holding back, and laid out the whole story plainly and directly.

When she finished, Xu Huaisong pressed his fingers to his brow.

Ruan Yu asked irritably: “What’s that for — does your head hurt?”

He shook his head. “My liver hurts.”

That meant he was livid.

“My liver hurts!” she sniffed. “You misread the whole situation, didn’t even give me a chance to explain, just decided I was guilty — can’t you just say what you’re thinking clearly? Is brooding in silence your special talent?”

The more she said, the more worked up she got. Finally she pushed off the sofa and started pacing back and forth across the room, as though only movement could work the frustration out of her chest.

Xu Huaisong sat quietly for a moment, gathering his thoughts. Then he stood, pulled her back, and said: “I was wrong. From now on, I won’t bottle things up.”

Ruan Yu took a deep breath. “You’d better pray there is a from now on.”

“Don’t…” He drew her into his arms. “I really know I was wrong.”

Ruan Yu ground her teeth and bit down sharply on his chin.

Xu Huaisong let out a hiss, then cleared his throat and said: “So now that I’m saying what I mean — can I ask you something?”

She shot him a sideways glance. “Ask.”

“Since it has nothing to do with Li Shican — where did you actually go just now? You said you were getting something good to eat, but I didn’t see you eat more than a few bites.”

“…”

This was a disaster.

In the tender, close atmosphere of a moment ago, something like this might have come out quite naturally.

But here and now, in this situation — was she really supposed to tell him she had gone out to buy the tools for giving herself to him?

Absolutely not anymore. She would sooner die than give herself to him now.

She was furious.

She shook her head. “That’s something you can bottle up inside yourself.”

Xu Huaisong laughed despite himself: “You were just telling me to say things clearly — I asked, and now you won’t say?”

“That’s right, I won’t. What are you going to do about it?”

What could Xu Huaisong do? He steadied his breathing, and his gaze drifted across the large bag of snacks she had brought back from the convenience store.

Ruan Yu tensed the moment he looked at it.

Xu Huaisong’s instincts sharpened at once. He blinked and said: “Did you buy something?”

She cursed internally, and shook her head on the outside: “What? No, I didn’t…”

Xu Huaisong released her and went to look through the bag himself.

She rushed after him and grabbed at his hands: “Hey, what are you doing — stop going through my things! That’s my personal property!”

Whatever remained of Xu Huaisong’s composure — the gentlemanliness, the restraint — crumbled in the face of unstoppable curiosity. He snatched the bag up by the handles.

Ruan Yu lunged and wrestled it back.

The two of them shoved and tugged across the carpet, until with a sharp ripping sound the bag tore open — and two brightly colored boxes tumbled out onto the floor.

“…” A secret had been discovered.

“…” A secret had been found out.

Author’s Note: Well, tomorrow… we’ll see.