“Your Majesty… the officials outside Northern Spring Garden have been kneeling for most of the day. Most have had nothing but a little water, and some look as though they are about to faint.” Yan Hui said. “Word of this has spread throughout Jinhua City, the people are in a state of unrest, and morale within the army is beginning to falter somewhat…”
Fu Xuanmiao kept his gaze on the document in hand and did not look up. “If they are willing to kneel, let them. The Imperial Physicians inside Northern Spring Garden have nothing better to do — when they faint, send them over.”
“Your Majesty —” Yan Hui could not help but offer counsel. “Li Wu has promised to withdraw his forces for two days in exchange for the release of the Princess. This subordinate knows that Your Majesty and the Princess have been close since childhood, and that your feelings run deep — but the greater situation must take precedence now! The officials kneeling outside are all court officials from Jianzhou; their family members are at this moment in mortal danger. If Your Majesty shows them no concern, they may well turn against you — defecting to the other side would not be out of the question!”
“Your Majesty —” Yan Hui pleaded earnestly. “Keep the mountains green, and you’ll never lack for firewood. As long as Your Majesty returns safely to Jianzhou, what is there to fear from Li Wu and his rabble? You can simply take the Princess back afterwards. Your Majesty must absolutely not sacrifice the greater for the lesser —”
Yan Hui went on at length, but Fu Xuanmiao remained unmoved.
“Your Majesty —” Yan Hui dropped to her knees, her face a picture of supplication. “Please think this through carefully, Your Majesty…”
“…Our mind is made up.”
Fu Xuanmiao shifted to the imperial first person, which told Yan Hui that on this matter there was no room for negotiation whatsoever.
She tried several more times to speak and then fell silent, bowing her head at last in defeat and despair.
Outside the window, a soft autumn rain fell without cease. Threads of silver needles were carried by the cold wind into the room, landing on the document in Fu Xuanmiao’s hand. “What is the hour now?” he asked.
Yan Hui came back to herself and said without thinking: “The hour of dusk has just arrived.”
The document that had lain motionless in his hands for a full hour was at last gently set down.
“Is the Princess still refusing to eat?”
Yan Hui’s expression grew troubled, and she hesitated before answering: “She is still refusing to eat anything…”
Fu Xuanmiao rose and walked out of the study.
Curtains of rain fell from the deep, long eaves. The moist evening wind, carrying the scent of earth, brushed lightly across his pale face. He walked slowly out from under the eaves and into the soundless autumn rain. Yan Hui rushed to his side in a single stride, an umbrella already in hand, and held it open above him.
Fu Xuanmiao passed through one courtyard and entered a small compound under heavy guard.
The soldiers stationed at the gate dropped to their knees in salute as he appeared. He paid them no notice, walking directly through the door into the room inside. The room was very quiet. The woman sitting on the footstool with red and swollen eyes saw him arrive and instinctively moved to rise in greeting — but in the next moment, she stepped in front of the one asleep on the bed, looking at him with an expression halfway between pleading and wariness, making sounds with her voice.
The chrysalis on the bed stirred. Shen Zhuxi turned her head and, from within the tightly wound covers, showed a pair of eyes full of defiant awareness.
She had taken nothing but water for three consecutive days. What little flesh had been on her cheeks was now gone, and her body had grown so weak that most of the time she could only lie in bed — yet those eyes still burned with an unyielding fire.
Fu Xuanmiao walked to the bedside, paid no notice to A’Xue’s wary posturing, and sat down quietly.
A’Xue had just started to convey something when Yan Hui and two guards appeared from nowhere in front of her and, without allowing her any say, covered her mouth and brought her out of the bedchamber.
“Don’t worry — I won’t harm her.” Fu Xuanmiao said to Shen Zhuxi, whose expression had suddenly turned furious as she struggled to sit up. “Whatever Your Highness wishes to eat, I will have the kitchen prepare and send over.”
Shen Zhuxi said nothing, pressing her lips together tightly, not wishing to look at him.
Fu Xuanmiao said nothing either, sitting quietly to one side. Shen Zhuxi lay wrapped in her covers, each moment feeling like an eternity. She stole a glance back at him, and the moment she met his calm gaze, pulled back at once.
Footsteps sounded at the door. In their wake, the fragrance of food drifted to her nose.
Shen Zhuxi’s stomach was hollow with hunger, yet she held herself back and did not turn around.
“Even with anger in your heart, you should not make things difficult for yourself.” Fu Xuanmiao said from behind her. “I have had the kitchen prepare a full table of dishes — there is the crab clear broth and preserved chicken you are fond of. If you do not care for those, there are also chestnut cakes and lychee syrup pastries. No matter how little appetite you have, you ought to eat at least a little.” Shen Zhuxi lay with her back to him, still as stone.
“Shen Zhuxi…” For the first time he spoke her full name, his voice lower and gentler than usual. “My patience has its limits.”
“…”
“You are A’Xue’s mistress — mistress and servant are bound together as one. Since you refuse to eat, let her fast alongside you.”
“…”
“Should you starve yourself to death,” Fu Xuanmiao said, looking at her motionless back, “that will hardly stop me from dealing with Li Wu.” “…”
“Li Wu and his followers — I will pursue them one by one until not one remains. Since you are so fond of them, I will cut off their heads and use them to decorate your mausoleum. Their bodies will be burned to ash and scattered into the sea.”
A wave of intense revulsion surged in Shen Zhuxi’s chest. She could bear it no longer. She turned around and glared at Fu Xuanmiao’s composed face with hatred. “You are nothing but a madman… unless you let me go, it doesn’t matter what you say — I refuse to eat.”
“Impossible.”
Fu Xuanmiao’s answer came without a moment’s consideration. He beckoned, took a plate of chestnut cakes from Yan Hui, lifted one piece, and held it out before Shen Zhuxi.
“You used to be especially fond of the palace’s chestnut cakes. It is the right season for chestnuts now — try one and see if the taste has changed.”
Shen Zhuxi stubbornly turned her face away.
“Xi’er…” The low timbre of Fu Xuanmiao’s voice carried the presage of a coming storm. “Today, you must eat something.”
Shen Zhuxi pressed her lips together, putting on the air of someone too far past caring to be affected.
Fu Xuanmiao looked at the familiar face wearing an unfamiliar expression, and what flashed through his mind was the careless, easy look habitually worn on Li Wu’s face.
“…You truly have been led astray.” He said.
Shen Zhuxi’s jaw was suddenly gripped by a hand. The sharp pain shooting through both sides of her cheeks made her mouth open instinctively. The chestnut cake, now inches away, brought her back to her senses. She wrenched her head violently sideways, struggling with everything she had, trying to shake off the hand pressed against her face. Her hands and feet kicked out repeatedly, but he was like an immovable mountain — not a fraction of movement under all her blows. The chestnut cake, due to her evasions, smeared back and forth across her mouth, crumbs falling continuously. The whole chestnut cake, by the time half of it remained, was at last forced into her mouth by sheer will.
Shen Zhuxi immediately tried to spit it out. Fu Xuanmiao clamped his hand firmly over her mouth.
She struggled desperately, but could not even manage to expel the chestnut cake. The sweet, soft cake gradually turned to a paste in her mouth. Shen Zhuxi’s resistance weakened. Tears slid from the corners of her eyes and soaked into the pillow.
Fu Xuanmiao watched her tears. The hardness of his expression showed signs of melting. A moment later, the hand over her mouth loosened slightly. Shen Zhuxi seized on his hesitation, grabbed his lapels, and sat upright.
“Blugh —”
The chestnut-colored crumbs and pieces of chestnut cake, now unrecognizable in form, came out one after another onto Fu Xuanmiao’s clothing. The air in the room seemed to evaporate entirely.
Yan Hui at the doorway stared wide-eyed, her face flushed crimson with the effort of holding everything in.
Shen Zhuxi, having expelled everything, looked up at him with defiance. Even covered in filth, Fu Xuanmiao showed no sign of provocation. He stared at Shen Zhuxi without moving, and beneath the calm, rational mask, those eyes were like a lake that had lost its stillness — faint ripples of light shifting somewhere beneath the surface.
As though prompted by some unusual thing he had seen in her eyes, he immediately cast his gaze downward, concealing those rippling reflections. Fu Xuanmiao sat motionless for a long while without speaking.
After a considerable time, he rose and walked toward Yan Hui, took off the soiled outer robe, and put on the fresh outer garment a palace maid hurried to retrieve. After retying his sash, he walked back and stood over Shen Zhuxi, looking down at her from above.
“Would you rather die than stay at my side?”
Shen Zhuxi answered with a hard yes. “And your revenge — the one who destroyed your country and your family? Are you giving that up too?”
“…When the people become rebels, the Great Yan imperial household is not without blame. What right do I have to speak of revenge?” Shen Zhuxi said quietly. “The false Emperor has already been brought to justice — whatever grievances existed before are now settled.”
“What if the true culprit is someone else entirely?”
Shen Zhuxi looked up and stared directly at Fu Xuanmiao before her.
“…What do you mean?”
“Has it never occurred to you — how did a band of unruly commoners manage to appear before the capital as though they were ghosts?”
“…Was it not due to the negligence and incompetence of Great Yan’s own officials?”
“From Heyanguan Pass to the capital, there are nineteen checkpoints to pass through. Is it possible that the thousands of officials manning all nineteen of these checkpoints were all so negligent as to notice nothing whatsoever?”
Something suddenly struck Shen Zhuxi’s mind. She stared at Fu Xuanmiao’s calm face in disbelief, and found an inconceivable answer in that very calm.
“Was it you who aided the rebels from behind the scenes all along?”
Fu Xuanmiao looked at her in silence.
The force of the impact made Shen Zhuxi’s vision spin in waves. She heard her own hoarse, trembling voice as though it reached her from another world, faint and blurred in her ears.
“…Why?” she murmured. “The late Emperor placed such trust in the Fu clan — the Crown Prince regarded you as his right hand and left hand… why?”
“Trust?” Fu Xuanmiao released the word softly, a trace of irony in his expression. “If he had truly trusted the Fu clan, he would not have listened to a few rumors and plotted to eliminate the Fu family entirely.”
“The deep bond between Emperor and Prime Minister, their connection like fish and water…” Fu Xuanmiao said, “was a lie that only my father believed.”
“And to forget all past grievances and begin a new life — that was a lie believed only by my father and your mother.” Fu Xuanmiao looked at Shen Zhuxi’s stunned face and said slowly, “In those years, when the late Emperor traveled south, a woman of the Bai family and my father fell deeply in love and pledged themselves to each other in secret. The Emperor knew the truth but pretended otherwise. He welcomed the Bai woman into the palace by imperial decree, then feigned remorse and regret before my father, shedding tears.”
“My father, holding to the bond they had once shared, forced himself to forgive the late Emperor, and promised that the past was gone like smoke — he would harbor no improper thoughts, and only asked that the Emperor keep his word and take good care of the Bai woman, who was entirely ignorant of the ways of the world.”
“The late Emperor was not a man of generous spirit. Though he had obtained the Bai woman, he would never forget that she and my father had once shared a past. The seed of suspicion had always lived inside him — only kept suppressed for a time, waiting for the day it would break through the soil once more.”
“As for my father — though he rose to the position of Prime Minister and received the Emperor’s heavy trust, he was dejected and without joy, seeking solace only in one woman after another who bore some resemblance to the Bai woman before she had left her family.” Fu Xuanmiao said. “My mother was one of them.”
“As my mother grew older, she no longer resembled the Bai woman as she had been before her marriage, and so lost my father’s affection… which led her to make an irreparable mistake. And my father, though he kept one substitute after another, never found any true happiness. My home… the world believed it perfect and without flaw, but only I knew… it had long since fallen apart entirely.”
“My father spent his life in wisdom, but was undone only by loyalty. It was not that he failed to perceive the Emperor and Crown Prince’s hostility toward the Fu clan — he simply refused to hear it, refused to think on it, and told himself, without grounds, that as long as he acted with integrity and righteousness, they would one day see his true and faithful heart.”
“My father was mired in his old love, constantly seeking substitutes for the Bai woman to numb his pain. My mother fell into desolation and despair, weeping until she became vulnerable and was taken advantage of by others. They were each drowning in their own suffering — and my suffering grew within their suffering. As the Crown Prince’s companion in study, I moved constantly between the palace and my home. I witnessed the happiness of the two guilty parties: the Bai woman, favored above all others in the rear palace, for whose sake the late Emperor made exception after exception — even allowing her child to sit upon his knee and attend court. I did not understand.” He said. “Why were we in such pain, yet you could begin a new life without a guilty conscience?”
“From the moment I knew the truth, I understood… only I could protect this family.” Fu Xuanmiao said softly. “Even if it was built on falsehood — what does it matter? As long as it could endure, the false would become true.”
“You all believed me to be a man of overweening ambition who had long schemed for the imperial throne… but I cared nothing for any imperial power.” He looked at her with no expression on his face, his cold voice like a pool of dead water that had lost all hope. “From beginning to end… I only wanted to preserve that mirage. From beginning to end… what I strived so bitterly for was only everything the world believed I already possessed…”
Shen Zhuxi forced her voice out with great effort: “…So — to take revenge on the late Emperor, you were willing to collaborate with rebel forces and use your own hands to destroy the country that gave you life and raised you?”
“You put it too simply.” Fu Xuanmiao said.
“I made a deal with the rebel forces because the late Emperor and the Crown Prince had conspired to surround the Fu estate with the Imperial Guard on the day of our wedding and slaughter every member of the Fu clan. What I did was nothing more than self-preservation. One of the conditions I negotiated with the rebel forces was that, once the palace was breached, you were to be returned to me intact.” He looked deeply at Shen Zhuxi and said quietly, “…You were my revenge.”
“The late Emperor was narrow and suspicious — I needed only a small scheme to make him suspect that the Bai woman still harbored feelings for my father. Unable to trust her denials, he confined her to her quarters. As your intended husband, as the Empress’s nephew, my approaching you at that time was entirely natural. People would not only feel no suspicion — they would feel that the realm’s finest gentleman was deeply devoted.”
“I gradually replaced the people close to you, one by one. Everyone who could have had influence over you was systematically removed — and not only your wet nurse and the Commandery Princess of Qingyang.”
The scattered clues that had long made her uneasy rose again in Shen Zhuxi’s memory.
Every person who had ever shown her goodwill had vanished from her life in one mishap after another. Rumors spread through the palace that she was an ill omen — that she brought misfortune to those around her. That was why her wet nurse had fallen gravely ill and died coughing blood. That was why the Bai Noble Consort had provoked the Emperor’s wrath and been cast aside. That was why the Commandery Princess had lost her virtue and been forced into a distant marriage in Yunnan.
They all said it was her fault.
The rumors in the palace grew more and more extreme. The late Emperor’s gaze toward her carried loathing. Everyone said it, and so she had once believed it herself.
All of it was her fault.
Shen Zhuxi’s shoulders trembled. Tears of pain and despair surged into her eyes.
“I wanted you to see the mirage I had seen.” He said. “The world believed you had everything — but only you would know —”
The cold fingertips raised Shen Zhuxi’s chin, where teardrops clung. He looked down into her tear-bright eyes, as if to see straight into her soul.
“You have nothing.”
In the moment Shen Zhuxi shook her head and tried to pull her chin free of his fingers, Fu Xuanmiao withdrew his hand and turned toward the closed window.
He reached out both hands and gently pushed it open.
The bleached moonlight fell over him in an instant, draining his face of all color. The moonlight shimmered in his eyes like rippling scales.
“…I never once wanted to possess your heart.”
“A dim and fading reflection…” He said each word with care, quiet as a murmur, distant as a wandering ghost. “…How could I dare to covet the bright moon?”
Fu Xuanmiao turned around, looking at Shen Zhuxi, tears streaming down her face. The fish-scale shimmer in his eyes settled and grew still, hardening gradually into the cold, sharp edge of a blade:
“You cannot escape, Xi’er.”
“Whether you are willing — or whether you seek revenge — you are destined to remain at my side until you and I are parted by death.”
“In seven days, I will take you as my Empress before the witnessing of all officials. As for how you intend to kill me — you may eat your fill first, and then think it over at your leisure.”
Fu Xuanmiao turned and departed.
Shen Zhuxi was left sitting dazed upon the bed. After a long while, she struggled out of the bed and fell to the floor, stumbling and staggering toward the round table covered with dishes. She sat down before it, and her weakened right hand could not hold the chopsticks steady, so she simply grabbed the food with her hands and stuffed it into her mouth. The remnants of food fell continuously; her hands and the corners of her lips were soon a complete mess, yet she paid it no mind.
Countless mouthfuls of food were stuffed into her mouth by force of her own hands, chewed a few times and swallowed whole. She did not know how much time had passed. At some point, a mouthful went down wrong, and she broke into violent coughing.
Coughing and coughing, burning tears began to fall from her eyes.
A faint whimper rose from her throat. Shen Zhuxi curved like a shrimp dropped into boiling water, her trembling back arching deeply.
The moonlight stretched with the moon’s movement, growing longer and longer, trailing across the vast earth.
Far away in Jianzhou, a group of anxious people had gathered before the city gates, their hearts in their mouths as they listened to the enemy forces outside crowing and boasting.
“…As long as you hand over Fu Xuanmiao’s mother, Madam Fang, we will let a supply convoy of grain into Jianzhou!”
The faces of the people and officials wore all manner of expressions. The whispering grew louder and louder, eventually turning into heated argument.
“If we don’t hand her over, none of us will survive!”
“If enough people do it, no one person can be punished — would the Emperor really put an entire city to the sword just to accompany the Empress Dowager in death?”
“What matters most right now is how we get through this moment — the city’s granaries are empty. If this goes on much longer, famine will set in…”
The Magistrate of the Capital District shouted himself hoarse calling for calm. His voice was like a small, inconsequential stone, swallowed by the surging tide of public outcry.
“Quiet! The Empress Dowager has come!”
One cry of alarm swept the surging crowd to silence very quickly.
Pair after pair of shocked and complicated eyes fell on the woman who, supported by another, was making her way toward the city gate.
“Empress Dowager! Empress Dowager!” Ning Yu, blocked behind the officials who were willing to trade Madam Fang for grain, called out with all her strength.
Though Madam Fang had not come of her own will, her back was straight, and on her pale, gaunt face there was something that faintly resembled resolution.
“Tell them — the Madam Fang they want is here.”