At the same time, Xianglan was sweeping fallen leaves in the courtyard, looking up at the same sky as Lin Jinlou, seeing azure clouds in the crisp autumn air.

That day, when Bao Er helped her to the Guanyin Temple to rest, he said, “Madam, rest a while and have some tea to calm yourself. Later, I’ll take you back.”

After a long pause, Xianglan said, “I don’t want to return to the Lin family. If you’re willing to help, just let me go.”

Bao Er was startled, asking in surprise, “Why?”

Xianglan gazed at the warm tea before her and said, “I’ve never been happy in the Lin household. I want to live a few days of peaceful life, one that makes me happy.”

“What? Living with delicacies every day, surrounded by silk and satin, with gold and silver servants – how is that not happy?” Bao Er scratched his head. “I heard Madam suffered some grievances before, but now everyone in the household respects you, the masters all regard you highly, and the Young Master cherishes you. Why would Madam…”

Xianglan replied, “When I first arrived at the Lin household as a little maid suffering bullying, who would have believed I’d reach this position today? No flower blooms for a hundred days, no one stays fortunate for a thousand – who can say what state I might end up in later?”

“Madam is worrying needlessly…”

“I fear I won’t be able to bear children in the future.”

“Ah?… So those rumors about Sister Jiang’s…”

“Young Master is the eldest son – how could he be without heirs? Even if he overcomes all obstacles to elevate my position, he’ll inevitably take concubines to continue the family line. I come from humble origins with no support – I’ll be like duckweed drifting on water. Moreover, this matter has caused discord between the Young Master and his father, and the elders disapprove, making things even more difficult in the future. I believe Young Master’s current feelings for me are genuine, but hearts change easily. I never dared hope for more, fearing that I might end up with an outwardly grand but inwardly bitter fate. If so, this noble mansion would be nothing but a cold golden cage… ‘Now I know being locked in a golden cage to sing, is not as free as warbling in the forest.'”

Bao Er stared in astonishment, speechless for a long while before saying, “Madam, I don’t understand your fancy poetry, but I get your meaning. Back then, when my sister became Young Master’s maid, everyone thought she had made it. Who knew she’d end up in such a state, with even the powerful servants bullying her? It would have been better if she’d remained just a maid – she might have kept her life instead of dying so tragically. If it weren’t for Madam, our whole family would have been scattered…” His eyes reddened as he wiped them with his sleeve. After a pause, he continued, “But Young Master truly cherishes Madam. The servants all say he wants to marry you…” He stole a glance at Xianglan. “Can Madam bear to leave?”

Xianglan’s expression darkened as she thought of Lin Jinlou, then remembered her sister Jialian. Back then, Yuan Shaoren had also been completely sincere with her, but it was ground to dust amid right and wrong, good and evil. She and Song Ke had once been in love too, but ultimately couldn’t withstand life’s uncertainties. Shaking her head, she said, “Throughout my life, I’ve mostly thought of others. Just this once, I want to think of myself. I have no ambitious desires for glory in this life – I just want to live a few days in peace…” Xianglan finished with a slight smile at Bao Er, a smile full of vicissitudes and bitterness, though her eyes shone like stars. “Young Master… Young Master will surely find someone else to his liking…”

Bao Er’s heart twisted seeing this. Thinking of Xianglan’s kindness to his family, especially after Ying Ge’s death, when she had instructed Gui Yuan to take extra care of him, he gritted his teeth and said, “Alright, since this is what Madam wants, I won’t say anything more.”

After discussing their plans, Bao Er said, “I have a distant relative, an old woman who used to watch over houses in the capital. She’s deaf and mute, has no children, and is honest. When she got older, the Lin family let her watch over a small courtyard in the back street outside the mansion. She lives alone – as they say, ‘it’s darkest under the lamp.’ Madam could stay there first, paying some silver monthly. No one would ever think to look there.”

Xianglan agreed this was good and wrote a letter. Bao Er pretended to search for someone, and later they met on the mountainside where he quietly took her back to the capital. Xianglan removed a gold ring for Bao Er to pawn for twenty taels of silver, giving him ten. When Bao Er refused, Xianglan said, “I’ll need your help in the future, so keep it for now.”

When Xianglan arrived at the back street, she found a small independent courtyard with one front room and two back rooms, filled with crude, heavy objects. The old woman slept in the western room. Xianglan gave her one tael of silver, and the old woman happily hurried to clean the eastern room into a barely habitable space where Xianglan settled in.

For half a year, she lived in seclusion, only doing needlework. Bao Er would occasionally visit, bringing food and drink, and she would give him her finished needlework to sell. Xianglan knew this was the life she wanted – rising early to walk in the courtyard, tending flowers and grass, napping at noon, reading at night behind closed doors, finding joy in solitude. The rest of her time was spent on needlework, writing, or drawing, without having to watch others’ faces or endure subtle slights, free from entanglements and disputes. She didn’t need great wealth or fine food – simple meals were enough, as long as each day was peaceful and free. Xianglan felt she should be content. Once she finished the embroidered screen she was working on, she could sell it for a good price, pawn another hairpin for silver, and then head south to quietly bring her parents to live in some scenic place. But whenever she thought of this, her heart would scatter, leaving her feeling empty.

Daytime was bearable, but once in bed at night, her thoughts would fly wildly, and the past that had grown dim would become unusually clear. She remembered first seeing him by the stream when she entered the Lin household, him saving her from humiliation, later being forced to become his concubine, his past insults and violence, their time together in Yangzhou, how he protected her in front of others, sharing life and death on that snowy night, and the love that couldn’t be spoken of to others. All these details, which she thought she had long forgotten, came rushing back. The memories she didn’t want to recall churned in her heart like boiling water about to overflow, scalding her heart. Though she forced them down, it only left her feeling more empty.

Unable to sleep, she would get up, brighten the lamp, spread paper, and write a few characters to clear her mind. But her brush would unconsciously sketch Lin Jinlou’s likeness, with his sideways glance and ambiguous smile looking at her. Xianglan froze, and a large drop of ink fell “plop” onto the paper. She suddenly realized how much she missed him – his bright eyes, his annoying domineering ways, his temperament that improved with gentle handling, and that devout yet cautious look when he held her and said “I love you.”

It had gradually become embedded in her bones and blood. She covered her face with both hands. Her heart wasn’t at peace either, and several times she had almost been unable to resist returning, but there were too many obstacles. How could one live on love alone? With so many barriers, love would eventually fade and die.

Meanwhile, as Lin Jinlou was contemplating the falling leaves and floating flowers, Ling Su reported: “Young Masters Liu and Xie have arrived and are waiting in the study.”

Lin Jinlou, lost in melancholy, was reluctant to deal with them when he heard who it was, and slowly made his way to the front. Only after passing the second gate did he put on a spring-like smile and casual stride – after all, he was Lin Jinlou; how could he appear lovesick like a woman? It would ruin his reputation if word got out.

Entering the study, he saw Liu Xiaochuan lounging with his legs crossed. Seeing Lin Jinlou, Liu gestured and said, “Brother, you’re not being fair. Last time when we brothers invited you for drinks, you left halfway through and snubbed the beauty. Made Miss Meiwe cry – truly heartbreaking for anyone who heard about it.”

Lin Jinlou lowered his eyelids and said, “Kid, are you just here to waste my time? If you’ve got no real business, get out quickly. I’m busy and have no time for your idle chatter.”

Liu Xiaochuan snorted, glancing at Xie Yu: “Fine, brother, here we are like two fools bringing him news, and see? He’s already trying to chase us away.”

Xie Yu, playing with an ancient jade piece carved with “Fortune and Changshou Together,” chuckled: “Seeing how he talks to us brothers today, he deserves to worry.”

Lin Jinlou, thinking they were just here to cause trouble, smiled and said, “What brings you two here? Don’t make mischief in my place. If you’re looking for trouble, I’ll treat you both another day. Now go home.”

Liu Xiaochuan slowly stood up and said, “Fine, if you can’t stand your brothers, we’ll leave! You deserve not to find Xianglan, crying alone in your cold bed at night.”

Before he finished speaking, there was a “bang” behind him. Liu Xiaochuan ducked his head and looked back to see Lin Jinlou’s face completely devoid of smiles, his hand slammed hard on the desk.

Seeing the situation turn bad, Xie Yu quickly stood up and reached into his clothes, saying, “Brother, don’t be angry. We brothers came to bring you good news.” As he spoke, he pulled out a ring and presented it, saying, “It’s this.” Seeing Lin Jinlou’s tightly pressed lips and darkening face, he hurriedly continued, “This was pawned at my family’s shop. The manager presented the good items collected over half a year, and I spotted this at first glance. Brother, remember? This was the welcome gift I gave to my Sister-in-law in Yangzhou – pearl and emerald mounted, imported from overseas, you can’t find another like it here. The manager said the servant who brought the ring was short, quick-witted looking, with a red mole on his chin, driving a cart…”

Lin Jinlou’s face turned ashen, his hands clenched into fists. He slammed the table again with a “thud” and gritted out, “Bring Bao Er here!”

Soon Bao Er arrived. Before he could kneel in greeting, Lin Jinlou grabbed his collar and threw him aside. Bao Er rolled on the ground with a cry of pain, and before he could recover, Lin Jinlou stepped on his chest. Bao Er couldn’t help but groan, tears rolling down his face.

Xie Yu couldn’t bear to watch and pulled at Lin Jinlou’s arm, saying, “Brother, calm down. It might not be him. We can talk about this – why use force?”

Lin Jinlou said darkly, “This doesn’t concern you.” Looking at Bao Er, he flung the ring down with a clatter beside him and sneered, “Recognize this? Speak!”

Bao Er, already terrified, lost half his soul at the sight of the ring. Seeing Lin Jinlou’s fierce expression, eyes burning with anger like the King of Hell himself, his handsome face turning from green to red, veins bulging on his forehead. Bao Er couldn’t bear to look. Lin Jinlou pulled him up again, grinding out between his teeth, “I’m asking you, how did you get this? Where is Xianglan? Where is she?!”

Bao Er shook all over, his legs like noodles, unable to keep the secret any longer. Stammering, he said, “It… it was Madam who wanted to leave… She, said she wasn’t happy in the Lin household, feared she couldn’t bear children in the future, that Young Master would take concubines to have sons, there would always be new favorites, and the Master didn’t like her, afraid she’d have no place to stand in the future…” Lin Jinlou felt a roaring in his ears and let go, dropping Bao Er to the ground as he staggered and sat down. Bao Er knelt, sobbing as he explained everything.

Lin Jinlou felt his blood run cold. The person he had thought of day and night, searched for everywhere, had been right under his nose, willing to suffer rather than return to him. He felt a lump in his throat and rose to rush out and find that woman, but then heard Bao Er say tearfully, “Madam, Madam said she was also tired and afraid…” Lin Jinlou paused, slowly stopped his steps, and stood still.