HomeAgainst the CurrentChapter 98: Hesitation

Chapter 98: Hesitation

Xiang Lan packed two or three pieces of clothing and her usual toiletries in a bundle. After giving Yue Xi some instructions, she left carrying her bundle. Song Ke stood at the doorway, watching through the carved floral lattice as Xiang Lan, wearing a lotus-colored gauze shirt, her swaying skirt and dark hair bun topped with an enamel jeweled hairpin whose dangling pearls swayed with each step.

She passed through the archway, her figure disappearing behind a lush bamboo grove.

Song Ke clenched his fists, feeling as if a piece of his heart had collapsed.

Meanwhile, Xiang Lan returned home feeling listless. Today she had taken the risk of revealing everything to Song Ke. Though she didn’t regret it, her heart was still unsettled, as if a huge stone pressed against her chest. Her mother, Madam Xue, wasn’t ill—Xiang Lan had made up an excuse to avoid an awkward situation with Song Ke.

Xiang Lan lifted her skirt and went upstairs to her usual room. The room had been completely renovated, with a new dressing table in the corner, five-colored gauze on the windows, and a small writing desk fully equipped with various pigments, paper, and brushes. Looking at the bed, she saw new brocade bedding that felt soft and plush when she sat on it.

Madam Xue brought up a pot of tea, smiling as she asked, “Do you like the new things in the room? Your father had them made by a familiar carpenter from the neighboring village. I initially worried about the cost, but your father said we have extra money now and shouldn’t let you be uncomfortable. We’ve also found a courtyard house in the south of the city. The price isn’t bad—one front room and two back rooms, neither too big nor too small, and it’s fairly new. The owner is moving to Shanxi and selling it cheaply, but your father and I are still hesitating. Though it’s not expensive, it still costs one hundred and twenty taels of silver, which would use up all our recent savings.”

Xiang Lan brightened up and said, “I’ll just paint two more pieces tomorrow.”

Madam Xue replied, “Your father says your landscapes don’t sell as quickly as your flowers, birds, insects, and grass paintings. The fewer you paint, the more precious they become. Small pieces are cheaper and sell faster. There’s a large piece hanging in the shop priced at fifty taels that hasn’t sold yet. Your father says buying such paintings is like ‘three years without business, then three years of eating from one sale’—it will sell eventually. When it does, we’ll have extra money and won’t feel anxious about buying the house. We’ll even have money left to buy furniture and renovate.”

Xiang Lan thought for a moment and said, “If the price is good, buy it first—we can rent it out. Don’t miss the opportunity.”

Madam Xue agreed repeatedly, then continued chattering about trivial matters and neighborhood gossip. But Xiang Lan’s mind had already wandered. She thought to herself, “If Song Ke agrees, living together would be my good fortune; if he doesn’t…” She turned this over in her mind until her head ached, finally gritting her teeth and thinking, “If he doesn’t agree, that’s natural. I’ll redeem myself—better a short pain than a long one. Better to separate early than to be bound together, seeing each other day and night, enduring torment.” Though she thought this way, tears rolled down unbidden, and she hurriedly turned away to wipe them.

Madam Xue, oblivious to this, heard someone knocking downstairs and hurried away. Xiang Lan sat dazed on the bed for a while, then heard commotion downstairs. Going down to look, she saw Chen Wan Quan completely drunk, supported by Young Master Xia as they headed for the inner room. Madam Xue followed, carrying a spittoon in case Chen Wan Quan vomited again.

Xiang Lan quickly went to fetch water. Xia Yun heard movement and turned to see Xiang Lan standing behind him in elegant light clothing, with embroidered peach blossoms on her collar, like morning dewdrops. He froze in place, transfixed until Madam Xue urged him on. Only then did he wake from his daze and continue helping Chen Wan Quan inside.

Chen Wan Quan, reeking of alcohol, collapsed drunk onto the bed. Xiang Lan wrung out a hot towel to wipe her father’s face, removed his boots, and pulled the blanket over him. Madam Xue asked from the side, “How did he end up drunk again?”

Xia Yun explained, “The head shopkeeper’s grandson had his one-month celebration today. Uncle Chen had a few extra drinks. I found him collapsed in the street and helped him home.”

Madam Xue uttered a Buddhist prayer. The Chen family had been having good fortune lately—the couple had been freed from servitude, and Chen Wan Quan was making good money selling Xiang Lan’s paintings exclusively. Suddenly, many people came to curry favor, with invitations to drinks and tea, along with endless flattery. Chen Wan Quan, already prone to vanity, became even more pleased with himself. Additionally, he had sold several antiques at high prices, making him even more satisfied and increasingly unable to refuse drinks.

Xiang Lan brought a bowl of hot tea for Chen Wan Quan to drink. After swallowing it, he turned over and began snoring thunderously. Xiang Lan closed the door and stepped out. Outside, Madam Xue was profusely thanking Xia Yun, trying to give him some dried meat to take home.

Xia Yun declined, saying, “We’re neighbors, and Uncle Chen has helped me a lot. It was nothing to help him home.” As he spoke, his eyes kept glancing at Xiang Lan.

Madam Xue smiled, “You’ve been coming and going these days, helping a lot. We must thank you properly.” She forced the dried meat into Xia Yun’s hands. To Xiang Lan, she said, “These past few days when your father brought furniture home, Young Master Xia came to help move and arrange things. Quickly thank him.”

Xiang Lan came forward to express thanks, but Xia Yun repeatedly said he didn’t dare accept such thanks, adding, “Last time when it rained, Miss lent me an umbrella. These small favors are nothing in return.” Xia Yun had been using these opportunities to try to see Xiang Lan but hadn’t managed to until now. Though disappointed at their previous missed encounters, now that they had met, he didn’t know what to say and couldn’t linger, so he took his leave.

Xiang Lan personally saw him to the door. As he stepped out, Xia Yun paused and said, “I’ve passed the county-level examination and am now a scholar. In a few days, I’ll take the provincial examination.”

Lost in her thoughts, Xiang Lan was startled by this sudden announcement and said, “Congratulations, Young Master Xia. May you succeed in the examination.”

Xia Yun smiled, “Thank you for your kind words. When I pass, I’ll invite your whole family for a celebration.” He turned his head to look at Xiang Lan with bright eyes.

Xiang Lan immediately understood his meaning and became slightly flustered, murmuring, “Take care on your way, Young Master Xia.”

Seeing the faint blush on Xiang Lan’s face, Xia Yun mistook it for shyness and felt a touch of sweetness in his heart. He clasped his hands in farewell and left. At the alley entrance, he saw a beggar and put some coins in their broken bowl. Noticing the beggar had a raggedly dressed child, he gave a few more coins.

Xiang Lan watched and nodded silently, thinking, “Though Young Master Xia is somewhat of a pedantic scholar, he has a kind heart. Despite his poor circumstances requiring him to copy books for extra money, he can still give to charity—that’s quite admirable.” As she closed the door, she heard Madam Xue behind her saying, “Young Master Xia is a good person. When your father and I couldn’t manage some tasks, he would help out. Though he’s just a young scholar, he has strong arms…”

Remembering Xia Yun’s gaze, Xiang Lan felt uncomfortable and said to Madam Xue, “We shouldn’t let him come anymore. If rumors spread, wouldn’t that be unfair to him? Besides, I’m unmarried—his frequent visits could harm my reputation.”

Madam Xue started, thinking Xiang Lan was concerned about Song Ke and afraid he would be displeased if he knew, so she quickly agreed, “Yes, we’ll reduce contact from now on.”

Xiang Lan nodded and turned to go upstairs, having nothing else to do.

After two days passed without any word from Song Ke—neither sending for her return nor any message at all—Xiang Lan’s feelings progressed from anxiety and depression to restless agitation. Finally, after reciting some scriptures and writing two pieces of calligraphy, she calmed down. She had come to terms with her situation: in this life, she was just a maid with some beauty, and though she had some talent, her fate was like duckweed floating on a river. Being able to leave the Lin family and have her parents freed from servitude was already a great blessing—she shouldn’t ask for more. If Song Ke wanted to marry a noble lady, that was only proper. Her current status was no longer that of a high-born noble lady who could command respect; how could she be worthy of Song Ke, who came from an official family?

With this acceptance, her heart settled, and she spent her days painting in her room.

Meanwhile, Song Ke seemed to have lost his soul these past two days, staring constantly at the small insect Xiang Lan had drawn before leaving. He heard Yue Xi knock and say, “Young Master, the horse is ready. Are you going to the academy today?”

Song Ke forced himself to respond, rising to get his writing materials. Seeing the writing set case, he froze again. The case was made by Xiang Lan, carefully embroidered with the Four Gentlemen—plum, orchid, bamboo, and chrysanthemum—symbolizing scholarly refinement.

When Xiang Lan had first finished the case, she was just recovering from illness. She had presented it as if expecting rejection, saying, “I rushed to make this in the past few days, the stitching is a bit rough. Don’t mind it, Young Master, just use it.”

Song Ke had looked at Xiang Lan’s ingratiating smile, thin cheeks, and slight shoulders. He had intended for her to rest a few more days, but she had anxiously brought her needlework. He knew that since entering the Lin household, Xiang Lan had always been cautious, swallowing her pride, and seeing her like this made his heart ache. He had taken the writing set case to examine it, seeing its exquisite craftsmanship that took much effort. Unable to put it down, he couldn’t help but scold gently, “How could you do needlework when you haven’t fully recovered? What if you become seriously ill?” Seeing Xiang Lan lower her head, he coughed and said, “Um, the flowers embroidered here are quite delicate.”

Glancing out, he saw Xiang Lan still hanging her head silently, small hands clutching her clothes corners, appearing anxious. Song Ke thought to himself, “She’s just arrived in the household and must be careful about everything, afraid of displeasing her masters. She worked hard to make this for me—I should praise it more.”

So he had raised his voice cheerfully, saying, “You’re so thoughtful. This writing set case is exactly the right size, and the Four Gentlemen embroidered on it has good meaning. I haven’t seen this style anywhere else.”

Looking again and seeing Xiang Lan still with lowered head, silent, he had raised his voice even more, rambling, “And this butterfly is well-embroidered too, landing just right on the orchid. Li Shang Yin wrote in his poem, ‘Zhuang Zhou’s morning dream confused by butterflies, Emperor Wang’s spring heart entrusted to cuckoos’—your work even matches classical references! Everyone says Jiangnan’s ‘Hui Embroidery’ is unparalleled, but I think your work is even better!”

He had noticed Xiang Lan’s shoulders shaking, and suddenly she had raised her head, face red, holding back laughter, saying, “Is it because I keep my head down that Young Master must praise this needlework as if it were a priceless treasure?” But her heart had softened. In this new life, Song Ke’s nature remained unchanged. Xiao Hang had been just like this, unable to speak harshly to anyone. In her previous life, the first time she made a hat for Xiao Hang, it turned out too small, but he had similarly used gentle words to comfort her, praising the hat as if it were unique in all heaven and earth, making her laugh. They had both said they would save the hat for their children to wear…

Song Ke had been startled, shaking his head helplessly but with a pleased smile. Looking up, he saw Xiang Lan’s lively smile and eyes full of tender affection, making his heart melt. He had silently held her hand; she had struggled slightly but hadn’t pulled away. He had wanted to kiss her porcelain-like cheek but feared being too forward…

Song Ke was still lost in memories when he heard Yue Xi knocking again. Finally coming to his senses, he responded, intending to leave, but looking at the case, he gritted his teeth and finally grabbed it before walking out.

Novel List

LEAVE A REPLY

Please enter your comment!
Please enter your name here

Latest Chapters