Huo Liuxing should originally have indeed been a dead man.

Three months ago, Daqi fought its final battle at the Qiang capital of Xiping Mansion. He knew the Emperor wouldn’t let him return to the capital with a body full of merit. Waiting for him outside Xiping Mansion were his comrades’ war blades. So at the crucial moment of the army’s retreat, ignoring Meng Qufei’s attempts to stop him, he charged into the Xiqiang royal palace.

If he must die, then let him die on the battlefield.

He hadn’t planned to emerge from the palace alive, because only with this “prince of the previous dynasty” dead would the Emperor let down his guard against Meng Qufei and allow him to come to the capital to receive honors. Only then would they have a chance to restore the dynasty.

Thirty years—he’d been Meng family’s substitute for thirty years. It was time to retire with success achieved. All plans were properly arranged, only lacking his death to send Meng Qufei the final favorable wind.

However, that day an accident occurred.

At the Qingyang Huo family, Meng Qufei had a younger sister named Huo Shuyi.

On the night of the incident, that young lady thought the person trapped in the palace was Meng Qufei. She charged in recklessly leading troops to rescue him, accidentally resolving his crisis.

He gained a chance at life. Thinking his own death was acceptable but he couldn’t let Meng Qufei’s sister be buried along with him, at the last moment he led her into the palace’s sea of fire, creating a false impression to make the Xiqiang people mistakenly believe they’d died inside. Afterward they mixed into the pile of corpses and took advantage of the next day when Xiqiang transported bodies out of the palace to escape.

Both were severely wounded at the time. After leaving the pass, they were fortunately rescued by a commoner hunter at the frontier.

When they awoke after several days of unconsciousness, news that the prince of the previous dynasty and the Huo family’s eldest daughter had died in battle had already reached Bianjing. To preserve the greater cause, the two continued the ruse by choosing to feign death. To ensure absolute certainty, they didn’t reveal to anyone that they were alive, only waiting for Meng Qufei to return to Bianjing to rise up.

Unfortunately everyone underestimated the eldest imperial grandson, or rather Daqi’s Crown Prince who had already died of illness.

The Crown Prince had discovered early on the secret that the Huo and Meng families’ children had been switched, predicted their subsequent plans, and before dying revealed everything to his son.

On the night of the palace coup, the eldest imperial grandson was already prepared. Meng Qufei couldn’t assassinate him. If he wanted to rise up, he could only fight openly and aboveboard.

The eldest imperial grandson straightforwardly revealed his trump cards, laying out all his men and military strength clearly before Meng Qufei.

With a brief assessment, Meng Qufei knew this would be an evenly matched hard battle. If this battle was fought, all of Bianjing and even surrounding prefectures would be deeply mired in mountains of corpses and seas of blood.

Daqi had just experienced a year-long war. Having personally experienced the flames of war at the frontier, no one understood better than he how weak Daqi currently was. After this battle, what Daqi would likely face was even more foreign tribes beyond Xiqiang taking advantage of the opening.

It wasn’t that he had no chance of winning, but the price to pay for this fifty-percent chance was too great.

And this was precisely the eldest imperial grandson’s open conspiracy. The eldest imperial grandson calculated correctly that he wouldn’t disregard the common people, attempting to ascend the throne peacefully in this bloodless manner.

Huo Liuxing didn’t know what kind of final negotiation they conducted. The result was that Meng Qufei traded his death for the eldest imperial grandson’s pardoning of everyone who would have participated in the uprising, letting bygones be bygones.

After ascending the throne, the eldest imperial grandson told the Huo family that like his father, he believed a family that had twice given up power for the sake of the people was sincerely putting people first. The true prince of the previous dynasty was dead, past wrongs would be canceled. He knew Huo Liuxing was still alive and hoped to welcome him back to court, give him the merits and rewards he deserved, and have him henceforth guard Hexi for the court.

Huo Liuxing embarked on the road back to the capital under imperial command.

After over two months of severed communications, the court’s changes were earth-shattering. What reached his ears along the way were all monumentally important political matters. No one told him that a young lady in the capital had departed.

There were so many births, deaths, illnesses, and aging in this world every day. This was such an ordinary small matter—what need was there to specifically inform him? Everyone thought this way.

No one knew that while that young lady was alive, she had always been waiting for someone.

Even fewer people knew that when he agreed to the new emperor’s summons to return to court, he actually had a private wish concerning that young lady.

And at this moment, facing a maid’s interrogation, he couldn’t say a single word of rebuttal.

Jianjia blamed him rightly—he had come too late. His tardiness wasn’t fate’s doing but his own choice.

It was because he chose to place the greater cause before Shen Lingzhen that today had come to pass.

——

This day, he sat before her grave, listening to Jianjia tell of what kind of life she’d lived over this past year.

One chattered endlessly while the other listened patiently, as if as long as it concerned her, no matter how trivial, it was worth bringing up and mentioning. As if speaking more minutely and in more detail could delay reaching the final ending a bit longer.

But at dusk, the story still reached its conclusion.

He asked Jianjia why Duke Yingguo’s mansion had buried her here.

Jianjia said it was because something strange happened on the day Shen Lingzhen departed.

“After the young lady struggled to reach the imperial tomb, her body was already very poor. That day she said she wanted to go look at the pepper room herself. This servant thought not to disturb her and waited in the corridor outside. But after waiting a very long time without seeing her emerge, I knocked and entered, only to find the room completely empty. The window was locked from inside—the young lady had vanished into thin air.”

“This servant and the soldiers hurried to search nearby. Finding nothing after a circuit, wanting to return to the pepper room to investigate for clues, we saw the young lady was inside, only collapsed beside the bed without breath. But when this servant left, that room’s doors and windows were clearly secured, and soldiers were arranged to guard all four sides. Moreover, this servant discovered much mud and frost particles on the young lady’s hem and boot soles that weren’t there originally. Yet at that time, the weather had already entered summer.”

“You also know this imperial tomb has always had terrifying rumors circulating since ancient times. Everyone was completely baffled—no one knew how the young lady went and returned. They thought they’d encountered something supernatural. But this servant saw that though the young lady had tear stains on her face, she departed smiling in the end. This servant thought, the young lady was purely good-hearted in life and received the Empress Dowager’s protection at this imperial tomb. If there truly was something supernatural, perhaps the young lady fulfilled a cherished wish and went to a place she wanted to go at the last moment? After this servant told the Duke and Grand Princess about this, they said perhaps this place could bring blessings to the young lady’s next life, so let her remain in Gong County.”

“Of course, this servant feels the young lady surely was also willing to remain here, because this was where she first met you.” Having explained everything that should be said, Jianjia left the time for paying respects to him. Before leaving, she withdrew a sky-blue silk handkerchief from her sleeve and solemnly handed it to him.

This hand had drawn war bows, wielded sharp axes, and wielded heavy swords as easily as swinging an axe. Yet this day it was pressed down by a gossamer-thin silk handkerchief until it trembled and went numb, unable to recover strength for a long time.

He clutched this silk handkerchief, sitting withered from sunset’s lingering light until the moon rose to mid-heaven, finally opening his mouth to speak. Addressing her tombstone, he said: Silly girl, this isn’t where we first met. You were too young then and don’t remember. Let me tell you.

——

Their true first meeting was fifteen years ago, at that Bianjing spring hunt.

That day the nobles gathered. At first, he didn’t know who that three-year-old girl with a pair of round hair buns was. He only saw her dress was luxurious, surrounded and protected by众星拱月 in the crowd—clearly of extraordinary birth.

With just one glance, he looked away.

Such a noble person was as different from him as clouds from mud. She came with adults to watch excitement and enjoy herself. He came to pass through death’s gate.

At that time he’d already provoked the imperial family’s wariness due to his outstanding martial arts talent. His whole mind was considering how to hide his abilities next, not let the situation escalate further. Yet he still made one careless move, was framed, and shouldered the crime of accidentally causing the Crown Prince to fall from his horse.

That girl entered his field of vision again at this time.

When the Emperor questioned him about his crime, she struggled to jump down from the nanny’s arms, urgently saying something. But just as she opened her mouth, the nanny covered it and hurriedly carried her away.

Only then did he recall that when the Crown Prince fell from his horse just now, this girl seemed to have been playing in the forest with the Xue family’s legitimate eldest son and happened to witness that scene.

Sure enough, when dispersing, having already been sentenced to punishment, he hid by a wall root and heard her conversation with adults on the other side of the wall.

She said in a childish voice: “Nanny, nanny, Yinyin really saw it. Big brother isn’t a bad person. Let’s go find the Emper—”

But the nanny interrupted her: “Miss, you saw nothing today. Return to the mansion with this old servant.”

After hearing this, he smiled silently and turned to leave. Being born in Bianjing was not easy. Even an ordinary nanny had developed fiery discerning eyes to distinguish situations. Only a three-year-old child would fail to understand adults’ malice at such a time and foolishly take what she saw as truth.

However, this girl’s foolishness gave him a trace of comfort.

Though it was useless, at least some little kid was on his side.

Only unfortunately, not long after he heard of her identity, learned the word following what the nanny interrupted was actually “imperial uncle,” learned she was the daughter of Grand Princess Zhenguo, daughter of the Huo family’s enemy.

People are truly hot-blooded in youth. Clearly she hadn’t changed at all, was still that innocent-faced girl who tried to stand up for him. Yet in his heart he redefined her and that nanny’s actions and felt disgusted by them.

Twelve years passed. This small matter naturally became passing smoke he no longer recalled or held against. Even when she grew into a young lady and stood before him in a superior’s status, he could cast aside his enmity toward the Shen family and respectfully bow to her.

But while his external rough edges were ground smooth, those piercing his heart were not.

So when he discovered this young lady was too well-protected by Duke Yingguo’s mansion, after twelve years still as purely good and unworldly as before, he thought of using her.

Trapped for so many years, even though he’d successfully hollowed out the imperial tomb’s personnel and brought all soldiers there under his control, he remained beyond reach of affairs in the capital, walking on thin ice all along. At that time, he urgently needed a sufficiently authoritative, sufficiently wise ally to control the Bianjing situation.

The Grand Princess and Duke Yingguo’s mansion behind her undoubtedly became the best choice.

There are no eternal enemies in this world, nor eternal friends. In his heart, the greater cause came first, family vengeance second. He didn’t mind reaching temporary cooperation with former enemies. The Grand Princess’s conflicts with the Emperor had accumulated for years, already reaching an explosive edge over Shen Lingzhen’s marriage matter—she similarly had the necessity to join hands with him.

Now, he only needed to use Shen Lingzhen as a pusher to push her mother to make up her mind.

He knew this idea was despicable, but when facing him stood a crowd of petty people, he couldn’t remain a gentleman either.

So he began his plan.

From the lychee syrup water incident, he discerned Shen Lingzhen’s kind heart, so the first act was a self-inflicted wound scheme with heavy investment.

On the night the mountain bandits attacked, though he seemed severely injured, he actually hadn’t suffered vital harm and remained conscious throughout. He knew she was guarding outside the door, so he instructed soldiers to use words to dramatize his injuries, calculating every word and arranging everything properly, each sentence stabbing her heart.

But Shen Lingzhen maintained propriety from start to finish, never rashly entering.

So he discovered she was someone very bound by ritual and propriety. Thus next, he revealed his true identity to her to make her lower her guard against him.

After that, whether manufacturing chance encounters, practicing swordplay under the moon, or training troops by the river—all were to make her voluntarily approach him step by step.

When she approached him, he played hard to get by distancing himself.

He was accustomed to calculating human hearts. Manipulating a girl barely past her coming-of-age ceremony truly wasn’t difficult. But as the scheme gradually succeeded, he didn’t gain the expected satisfaction but instead grew increasingly tormented.

He couldn’t even clearly identify when this belated torment began.

Perhaps that day when she dragged her exhausted body to guard him all night, and the next morning her eyes were full of embarrassing bloodshot veins.

Perhaps that day when she couldn’t help applauding because he set a soldier’s bone, and he looked across the river to see her shy, blushing appearance.

Or perhaps that day when she humbly asked him to teach injury-wrapping techniques and was overjoyed and satisfied by the tiny bit of sweetness he gave…

Her simplicity made his complexity even more despicable and unbearable.

In this world, those who live freely are either thoroughly good people or thoroughly bad people. Those doing good deeds with evil intentions, or doing bad deeds with uneasy consciences, ultimately draw prisons around themselves, becoming cocooned and bound.

When Shen Lingzhen later fell ill from catching cold on winter nights, he finally confirmed that in half a year he’d carefully woven a cocoon that while binding her, also trapped himself.

But between them lay the chasm of exploitation and being exploited, lay the previous generation’s deep blood feud. He could never be frank with her, never tell her he regretted harming her.

So she perhaps never knew until the very end that building the pepper wall for her without sleep for three days wasn’t part of his plan.

She likewise wouldn’t know that during that long winter, during her illness, he’d countless times silently slipped into her room at night, sat beside her bed, and warmed the hands of her who kept calling out “cold.”

Whenever she craved the warmth of his palm and refused to release him, he always helplessly peeled her fingers away one by one, telling her: I’m sorry.

She didn’t know that when spring came, he actually wasn’t that busy. He truly was avoiding her because he didn’t want to use her anymore.

She also didn’t know that the day she left the imperial tomb, the bird he released wasn’t a cuckoo at all. That “better go home” meaning was merely a suggestion he repeatedly forced upon himself, telling himself not to show her the slightest attachment or attempt to make her stay.

She still didn’t know that heart-attacking conversation at the suburban temple was the worst act he’d ever performed in his life.

If she’d just bent down slightly, she would have discovered his hands hidden beneath the table had been trembling all along.

If she’d carefully reflected, she would have discovered how he’d hastily interrupted her when she mentioned the pepper room, his ears unable to bear hearing it.

But he ultimately still succeeded.

Half of what he said was true, so he smoothly deceived her.

He self-righteously thought this was an ending.

What girl, after being hurt like this, could still forgive the other party? Could still have half a shred of good feeling toward a liar full of lies?

She wouldn’t take risks for him anymore. This was good. Their connection began when at three she wanted to stand up for him but couldn’t, and ended when at seventeen she wanted to plead for him but gave up.

A complete arc, beginning and end.

During that year fighting at the frontier, it wasn’t that he never thought of her. Just that whenever scouts brought news saying Miss Shen went on an outing with the Grand Princess yesterday, cooked for the Duke today, he thought she should no longer be thinking about that scoundrel.

He didn’t know that if he’d known then that all her positive gestures were false pretenses to set her parents’ minds at ease, would he have been unable to resist telling her those truths he’d suppressed and concealed for so long.

Unfortunately there are no “what ifs” in this world. Just like this moment, all the knowing and not knowing, mistakes and missed chances between them had already become unimportant.

This night, he borrowed moonlight to dance with his sword once more before her grave.

When daylight brightened, he took that silk handkerchief, mounted his horse, and set out on the road back to the capital.

Jianjia stood at the mountain’s foot silently seeing him off. In the dawn light, she saw half his head of hair had turned white overnight.