Duan Chengzhang’s expression was somewhat gloomy, mixed with slight embarrassment, but Duan Xu’s gaze was too straightforward and sincere. He thought this child was still young after all, and such curiosity without much life experience was normal. So he sighed deeply and said, “Those things happened too many years ago. I can hardly remember them now.”
In his mind remained only the vague outline of a beautiful face. He had placed a peach blossom in that girl’s hair, but what she said and how she smiled, he could no longer clearly recall.
“Were you sad when she left? Did you often think of her?”
“When young, the heart is pure. There was occasional sadness, but with time, I let it go. In this life, there are many things more important than romance. No one can’t live without someone else, and no one is indispensable. You’ll understand these things in the future.” Duan Chengzhang was silent for a moment, then asked, “Do you have a girl you like?”
“Yes,” Duan Xu lowered his eyes.
“A commoner?”
“Yes.”
“You could take her as a concubine in the future.”
Duan Xu suddenly smiled. Shaking his head, he said, “Then why didn’t that girl you liked become my aunt?”
Some people refuse to compromise, and if you truly love someone, how could you let them settle for less?
Duan Xu didn’t continue this topic, steering the conversation back to political matters. After Duan Chengzhang gave some instructions, he seemed to recall something, frowning as he said, “Upon your return to the capital, countless eyes are watching you. Remember to be cautious in your words and actions, especially when facing Fang Xianye… That fellow is now the leader of Nan Du’s literary circle, and those censors at the Imperial Censorate who submit to no one highly praise his articles and poems. You should be careful to avoid his sharp edge.”
Duan Xu nodded. Observing Duan Chengzhang’s expression, he asked, “Father, does Fang Xianye have some past grievance with our family?”
Duan Chengzhang lowered his gaze and said, “Just listen to me and don’t ask too many questions.”
Duan Xu obediently stopped asking. After a brief chat, Duan Chengzhang let him go rest. When Duan Xu left the study and opened the door, he saw Duan Jingyuan pressed against the door. He closed the door properly, folded his arms, and smiled, “Eavesdropping on my conversation with Father again?”
Duan Jingyuan glanced into the room, then pulled Duan Xu’s sleeve to one side and asked, “Is Fang Xianye the one who submitted a memorial against you and got you sent to the border garrison? He seems to always be against you. Does he have a feud with our family?”
Duan Xu was silent for a moment, then casually said, “Isn’t having feuds normal? Who doesn’t have some grudge against someone these days? Even you and I have a feud.”
Duan Jingyuan opened her eyes wide in surprise, “What feud do we have?”
“When you were little, you stole osmanthus cakes and blamed me. And you’re always saying I’m not as nice as I was in Dai Prefecture.”
Duan Jingyuan was momentarily speechless. She huffed, “You hold such grudges? How long ago was that?”
“You know it too—you only stayed in Dai Prefecture for three months when you were eight, yet you still mention it to this day?” Duan Xu quickly countered.
Duan Jingyuan snorted and said, “Who would have thought that my once gentle and refined Third Brother would grow into someone so sharp-tongued? I’m going to say it, a hundred times over—Third Brother, you’ve grown crooked!”
Duan Xu smiled without replying.
Perhaps because only he and Duan Jingyuan remained of this generation of siblings, Jingyuan was very close to him. When Duan Xu left Nan Du, she was still small and had little impression of him. Later, she went to Dai Prefecture to visit their grandmother, and upon returning, she kept talking about her Third Brother, saying he was the best boy in the world and that when she married, she would marry someone like her Third Brother.
After Duan Xu returned to Nan Du, he spent considerable effort breaking her beautiful fantasy, changing her words from “I want to marry someone like Third Brother” to “Third Brother is a big liar.” Though she bickered with him daily, she was extremely protective of him outside, not allowing anyone to say anything bad about him.
Duan Jingyuan looked at the scrolls in Duan Xu’s hand and said, “Third Brother, are you going to get married?”
Duan Xu’s gaze also fell on the scrolls, “Perhaps.”
“Well, you always listen to Father. When he told you to take the imperial exams, you did; when he arranged for you to be a secretary, you went; now he wants you to resign your military position and return, and you’ve agreed to that too. This marriage thing… you’re not just going to marry whoever Father picks, are you? This is a lifelong major decision!” Duan Jingyuan chatted on. Her gaze drifted to a wooden roof in the distance, “This is something Mother should help you with, but…”
Several hours had passed since Duan Xu returned home, yet Mother still hadn’t appeared. Duan Jingyuan realized her mistake and quickly explained, “Mother is used to fasting and can’t stand the smell of meat, that’s why she didn’t join us for the meal. She was originally told you’d arrive in the afternoon. This morning she was reciting scriptures behind closed doors and didn’t want to be disturbed…”
Duan Xu’s expression remained unchanged. With a relaxed tone, he asked, “Jingyuan, what are you afraid of?”
Duan Jingyuan thought to herself, what am I afraid of? Isn’t it because you and Mother have never been close, and I’m worried you’ll have more misunderstandings?
Duan Xu seemed to sense her concerns and said frankly, “I was just about to visit Mother at the Buddhist hall. Don’t worry.”
He handed the scrolls to Duan Jingyuan, asking her to look at them first. Then he called Chenying to accompany him to the Buddhist hall in the back courtyard to see his mother.
He had already introduced his sworn brother to the family, explaining that Chenying would be living in the mansion from now on. Since he previously disliked having followers and didn’t have even one personal attendant, his family was somewhat surprised to hear he would keep Chenying by his side.
His sister-in-law seemed the most pleased, saying the family didn’t have many children, and Yiqi was lonely studying by himself. Chenying’s arrival would be good company. Yiqi shouted that since his uncle had taken Chenying as a brother, wouldn’t he have to call Chenying “uncle” too? But since Chenying was several years younger than Duan Yiqi, Yiqi naturally refused. After quite a fuss, they finally decided he could directly call Chenying by name.
Duan Jingyuan examined Chenying for a long time, then told her third brother frankly, “Third Brother, your sworn brother looks a bit rustic.”
After a pause, she confidently said, “Leave him to me. Within a year, I’ll turn him into a Nan Du young gentleman.”
Duan Xu waved his hand and said, “He’ll be going to the battlefield with me in the future. Don’t make him like those wastrels in Nan Du.”
This comment successfully earned him a roll of the eyes from Duan Jingyuan.
Perhaps it was this mention of “going to the battlefield” that caught his father’s attention, prompting him to urgently speak with Duan Xu and ask him to abandon thoughts of returning to the battlefield.
Chenying’s voice brought Duan Xu back from his reminiscence. He looked up to see Chenying running up to him, raising his head excitedly to ask, “Third Brother, you called me.”
He was growing increasingly comfortable calling him “Third Brother,” just like he used to constantly call him “Little Sister.”
Duan Xu smiled faintly, patted Chenying’s head, and said, “In a moment, come with me to visit my mother. She likes quietness, so just don’t talk too much.”
Chenying nodded vigorously.
He then led Chenying through the long corridor in the courtyard, arriving outside a Buddhist hall with a pool of white lotus flowers. Faint chanting could be heard from inside. Duan Xu took a deep breath, walked to the hall, and directly pushed open the door. The woman inside turned back with displeasure, saying, “Who is…”
Seeing it was him, the woman was startled and stood up from the prayer mat, saying, “Xu’er.”
The woman was in her forties, with frost at her temples and the corners of her eyes. She wore simple blue clothes with a black wooden hairpin, but even such plain attire couldn’t hide her beautiful features and the elegant, noble air in her bones.
This was the daughter of the Grand Princess, the current Emperor’s cousin, the precious Xine County Princess of Great Liang. She was also his father’s wife—his mother.
Duan Xu smiled brightly, like all children returning home from a long journey, affectionately calling, “Mother, I’m back. I heard you insisted on finishing this scripture before coming out, and no one dared disturb you. But I missed you so much I came to see you.”
The woman seemed somewhat uncomfortable. She said softly, “I heard you wouldn’t arrive until this afternoon at the earliest, so I… Please sit down.”
Duan Xu agreed, walking to a chair nearby and sitting down. His mother also left the prayer mat, incense burner, and Buddha statue, sitting beside Duan Xu across a table.
Her gaze fell on Chenying, and Duan Xu told his mother, “This is Xue Chenying, my sworn brother from the battlefield. His parents died early, and his sister rendered great service on the battlefield. I took him in at his sister’s request. Chenying, come pay your respects to Mother.”
Chenying walked over properly, knelt on the ground, and kowtowed, saying, “Greetings to Madam Duan.”
Madam Duan immediately bent down to support him, saying kindly, “There’s no need for such formality. Your arrival at the Duan family is also fate. Buddha is merciful; from now on, this is your home.”
Chenying’s eyes were a little wet. He responded quietly and then stood up, thinking in his heart that Madam Duan was truly gentle and kind, a rare good person. Madam Duan wiped Chenying’s eyes with a handkerchief, then turned to look at Duan Xu, finding that his gaze had just moved back from her hand wiping Chenying’s tears, and upon meeting her eyes, his expression turned smiling again.
Madam Duan carefully studied Duan Xu and asked, “During these days on the battlefield… were you injured?”
“Some minor injuries. Perhaps because Mother chants scriptures and prays for blessings every day, I ultimately escaped danger and turned misfortune into good fortune.”
Madam Duan nodded. Her hand still held Chenying’s, unconsciously stroking it, as if she needed this unfamiliar child to help ease the tension in her heart. Sunlight silently shone through the window onto the table between them, and the burning incense emitted wisps of white smoke. For a moment, it was very quiet.
After a moment of silence, Duan Xu laughed. With innocent playfulness, he said, “Why is Mother always so formal when seeing me? Even Jingyuan suspects there’s a rift between us.”
Madam Duan was startled. She lowered her eyes somewhat flustered, then raised them again, hesitantly saying, “I just feel that I haven’t been able to do anything for you all these years, and I feel guilty. After all… when you needed me most, I wasn’t by your side.”
She was alluding to those seven missing years.
“Mother is overthinking. Regarding this matter, I’ve never harbored any resentment toward you.”
“It’s precisely because you don’t resent me that I feel even worse, that I feel I can’t face you.” Madam Duan sighed deeply. She thought for a moment, then said, “In a few days, I’m going to Jin’an Temple outside the city to pray for blessings. Would you like to come with me?”
Duan Xu said casually, “Mother knows I don’t like such places. If my heart isn’t sincere, I shouldn’t enter the pure land of Buddha. It’s better to have Jingyuan accompany you as usual. You also enjoy having her by your side, don’t you?”
Although her invitation was declined by Duan Xu, Madam Duan seemed relieved. She searched for something to say, “Despite Jingyuan’s lively temperament, she can calm down to worship Buddha. Perhaps she truly has a connection with Buddha.”
Duan Xu couldn’t help but chuckle, causing Madam Duan to look puzzled. He explained, “How could Little Sister have a connection with Buddha? She simply likes you too much and wants your attention and companionship. You’re always in the Buddhist hall, so she constantly goes there to be with you. Over the years, she has finally managed to become close to you.”
Madam Duan looked somewhat embarrassed. Duan Xu continued as if joking, “When I was young, I was too awkward. I never went to the Buddhist hall, always thinking that perhaps one day you would walk out of it and come to me. Who would have thought that before waiting for you, I left first.”
“Xu’er… I… I just…”
“Mother’s worship is naturally for the whole family’s well-being. I didn’t understand when I was young, but now I do.”
Duan Xu didn’t wait for Madam Duan to explain but had already considerately provided an excuse for her. Madam Duan was startled, gripping her prayer beads tightly, her expression darker.
Duan Xu led Chenying out of the Buddhist hall, stopping after turning a corner. Chenying held his hand, looking at him with concern. His Brother Duan Xu still showed fatigue from his recent illness, with a faint expression, wearing dark blue clothes that made him look calm and unfathomable.
Duan Xu suddenly turned his head, pinched Chenying’s face, and smiled, “When I was little, I hoped she would wipe my tears like she just wiped yours. But thinking carefully, I never cried in front of her. And thinking even more carefully, looking back through my past life, I don’t know when I needed them most since I became aware.”
Chenying was a bit confused. He tugged at Duan Xu’s hand and said, “Were they not good to you? Do you dislike them?”
Duan Xu shook his head. Looking down at Chenying, he said, “I don’t hate them. I understand them, and perhaps still love them.”
It’s just that today, he no longer needs or expects anything from them.