“Hmph,” the woman lightly snorted, threw the roasted meat in her hands into his embrace, wiped her hands on his clothes, then stood up and said in a low, emotionless voice, “Don’t trust others so easily. How do you know I’m not here to rob you of your wealth?” Having said this, she turned and walked to the white camel’s side, lay down on the ground, covered herself with the large hood, and prepared to sleep.
Longge sat by the fire for quite a while, thought it over, and still walked forward to ask the woman, “Hey, how much longer before we can leave the desert?”
The woman remained silent. Just as Longge thought she had fallen asleep and was about to turn and leave, he heard the woman’s voice say faintly, “Soon, but before that, I need to visit an old friend.”
Two days later, Longge finally followed her to meet the old friend she had mentioned.
Tall prayer flags and a longevity pagoda stood in the desolate desert, covered in wind and sand, already half-buried. The crisp sound of bells carried from far away, like a woman’s song in the desert.
The white-clothed woman sat on her camel, gazing from afar but not approaching. Her eyes held such gentleness—something Longge had never seen in the half-month he’d known her. He was tactful enough not to speak, instead dismounting and going around to gather firewood, preparing to spend the night here.
When he returned, the sky had already darkened. Longge carried an armful of firewood and saw from afar that the white-clothed woman still rode on her camel’s back, standing on the sand dune, seemingly not having moved at all. He said nothing more, went directly beneath the prayer flag pagoda, lit a fire to boil water, put dried meat and steamed bread into a small pot, and let it bubble and cook.
“Hey!” Longge suddenly called out loudly. His voice carried far across the empty desert. He stood up and waved toward the woman under the moonlight, shouting, “Come eat!”
The meal was eaten in silence. The woman only ate a little before feeling full, then sat dazedly beneath that longevity pagoda for a long time without speaking.
After eating and drinking his fill, Longge moved closer and asked with interest, “This is the old friend you mentioned?”
The woman remained indifferently silent, as if she hadn’t heard. Longge persisted, thick-skinned as he continued, “Did you build this longevity pagoda? I heard from lamas in the west that this is a blessing pagoda—if you carve the name of someone you want to protect on the pagoda’s peak, they’ll receive Buddha’s protection.”
Seeing the woman still wouldn’t speak, Longge suddenly rolled up his sleeves enthusiastically and said, “I’ll climb up and see exactly who you want to bless!”
But just as he was about to move, the woman grabbed his collar. Her eyes were clear as snow, her tone ice-cold as she said, “Are you tired of living?”
“No, no, I still cherish this good life of mine very much.” Longge smiled, his expression bright as he said, “Tell me about it. A delicate girl like you, traveling alone in the great desert—there must be a reason. The journey is still long anyway. We can chat as we walk, so we won’t be lonely.”
The woman glanced at him sideways, seemingly finding him particularly boring, and turned toward the fire. Longge followed behind, continuing, “At worst, I’ll tell you about my travels over these years—guaranteed to be absolutely wonderful, and you won’t suffer any loss.”
The torch crackled as it burned, occasionally sparking tiny flames. Night wind blew through the bells, making crisp ding-dong sounds. The woman sat by the fire hugging her knees, looking up at that longevity pagoda, and suddenly spoke to the parched Longge, “Can such longevity pagodas really bless people to live a hundred years?”
Longge was eloquently describing his heroic feat of single-handedly fighting dozens of wolves barehanded in the desert. Suddenly hearing the woman’s voice, he was slightly stunned and foolishly said, “Ah? What?”
“In the end, it’s impossible, isn’t it? Just a few stones.”
Finally understanding somewhat, Longge smiled and said, “You can’t say that. For many things, it’s better to believe they exist than to believe they don’t. Even if there’s no substantial effect, the person who builds it will feel more comfortable. Who did you build it for? A sweetheart? Parents? Family?”
The woman slowly shook her head and said, “I didn’t build this.”
“Ah?” Longge was startled. “It wasn’t you? Then who?”
“It should be a friend I’ve never met.” The woman’s complexion was snow-white, reflecting the red firelight beautifully. She said in a clear, light voice, “In our Central Plains, this Desert of Death is also called Dragon Tooth Desert. It must have been built by her for him when she was trapped here back then. I only discovered it by chance when passing through here three years ago.”
“Three years ago?” Longge frowned and said, “You mean you stayed in the west for three years?”
“Yes,” the woman smiled slightly. This was the first time Longge had seen her smile, but that smile was so bitter, filled with deep vicissitudes and weariness. The woman’s voice was distant and light, floating in the desert night sky as she slowly said, “Time passes so quickly. In a flash, it’s been so long.”
“Then you must have been to many places?”
“Yes, many,” the woman calculated silently. “Wusun, Guici, Xiye, Wensu, Siberia, Tsarist Russia, Parthia, India—many, many places. So many I can’t even remember their names.”
“Ah?” Longge was greatly surprised. “Why did you go to so many places? At your young age, you’re not lying, are you?”
“I’m young?” The woman suddenly turned around and laughed lightly. “How old are you?”
Longge was stunned, then straightened his chest and said, “Twenty-three.”
The woman said, “I’m twenty-six this year, or maybe twenty-seven. I don’t quite remember.”
Longge looked her up and down, then shook his head saying, “Doesn’t look like it, doesn’t look like it. I think you’re at most eighteen or nineteen.”
“Hehe,” the woman finally laughed aloud and said, “Though I know you’re talking nonsense, I still have to thank you.”
Longge smiled and said, “No need, no need. Meeting is fate, and being able to meet in a foreign land is even greater fate. By the way, what were you doing going to so many places? Traveling? Business? Neither seems right.”
The woman’s expression softened considerably. She nodded and said, “Mm, I’m looking for someone.”
“Looking for someone?” Longge was surprised again and said, “What kind of person is worth you searching the whole world for? Do you know where the person you’re looking for is?”
“I don’t know,” the woman shook her head, her gaze distant and faint. “I was still young then, thinking there was no place in the world two legs couldn’t reach. I thought as long as I wanted to find someone, I definitely could. But now so many years have passed, and I still haven’t found him. Perhaps he doesn’t want me to find him.”
“Will you continue searching?”
“If I don’t keep searching, what else can I do?” The woman laughed low, her smile bitter like a wisp of smoke. She sat under the moonlight, half-raising her head, her eyes so bewildered. “If I can’t find him in one day, I’ll search one more day. If I can’t reach him in one year, I’ll search one more year. Going to each place, someone will know my story. I think, spreading slowly like this, gradually, he’ll always hear news that I’m searching for him everywhere, and then perhaps he’ll return home to find me. A lifetime actually passes very quickly.”
Longge frowned deeply and said sternly, “Are you looking for your man?”
The woman smiled and nodded, “Mm.”
“Are you an idiot? Such a man is worth searching for?”
The woman was stunned and turned to look at Longge in confusion. The young man frowned angrily and said, “Since he’s been gone so many years with no news, he obviously doesn’t want you anymore. You’re still chasing after him from north to south like this—what’s the point? Even if you finally find him, his heart probably won’t be with you anymore. What meaning would there be in finding him?”
The woman shook her head and slowly lay down on the sand that had been baked by the sun all day and was still warm, saying deeply, “You don’t understand him. He just had no choice. He left only to let me live better. I understand.”
The night wind gradually grew cool, carrying those drifting thoughts far away. Longge muttered a few words and went to rest by himself. The woman slowly opened her eyes, looking at the desolate desert under moonlight. Her heart gradually began to drift, as if it had grown wings and flown far, far away.
Qin Zhiyan, where are you now? Can you hear what I’m saying? Did you really find physicians from the Shangqiu lineage, or have you gone somewhere and forgotten me? Or perhaps, perhaps it’s really as they say—you’re no longer here, and no matter how I search this world, I can never find you again.
These five years, I’ve been to many places—Jiangnan water towns, Nanjiang wastelands, northern ice fields, western desert wilderness. I’ve been to so many countries, met so many people. I drew your portrait and posted it all along the way, following the Silk Road from Yumen Pass all the way to Kashgar Lake. Unimaginably, I actually saw the ancient city of Jingjue, rode Jingjue warhorses. I crossed the Leather Mountains and reached Daxia, which I deeply detest. You don’t know, do you, that place is called Afghanistan in later times. I nearly lost my life there several times. I even went to Rome—if not for local residents rebelling, I might have been able to see Alexandria too. I also reached the Persian Gulf, followed merchant caravans to the Indus River mouth, went to Pakistan, went to so many, many places.
Every time, I thought I needn’t go any further—he wouldn’t be there. But just as I was about to turn back, I’d think, what if he’s just ahead? So I’d continue walking, farther and farther, until I gradually couldn’t even remember the direction home.
How ridiculous—perhaps I never had a home to begin with. You’re already gone, so can that house by Pengyang Lake still be called a home?
But Qin Zhiyan, why is it that after traveling to so many places, I still haven’t found you? I heard people say the Shangqiu lineage originated from western foreign tribes, so I searched all the way there. I even found the former dwelling place of the Shangqiu clan, but still found no trace of you.