In this world, it seems there can be love without reason, and likewise, hatred without cause. Like how I love him, and he despises me—

After running out of the dormitory, the night breeze cleared my head slightly. A fuzzy thought crossed my mind: what would they think of me running away like this?

That I had a guilty conscience? Or that I was fleeing from my crimes?

I didn’t know about the others, but given Zhuang Xu’s opinion of me, he probably thought exactly that.

How laughable. Before today, I had foolishly believed that even if Zhuang Xu didn’t like me, even if he disapproved of my lack of ambition, he would at least be grateful to me, and would think I was a decent person. After all, I had helped him, hadn’t I?

Once again, I proved myself an idiot.

Ever since meeting Zhuang Xu, I seemed to be constantly equating myself with idiocy. My initial pursuit of him was like a farce, with me playing the role of an ignorant, self-satisfied clown. Later, when I finally understood the situation, I collected myself and withdrew, even sending him an apologetic text: “I’m sorry, I didn’t know you were with Rong Rong. Otherwise, I wouldn’t have said those things. I hope I didn’t cause you any trouble.”

Apologizing for my feelings—just thinking about it makes me feel pathetic.

But I didn’t want him to misunderstand that I was deliberately trying to steal him away.

That message, like most of the texts I’d sent him before, received no response. Now that I think about it, perhaps he never believed me at all.

Or maybe he despised me for no particular reason, just as in this world there can be love without reason, there can also be hatred without cause.

Like how I love him, and he despises me.

My eyes grew increasingly sore. I tried to wipe away the tears, but they only fell faster, the acid ache in my chest making me want to break down and cry. Sure, today’s baseless accusations played a part, but that alone wasn’t enough to make me weak enough to cry. What truly hurt me was my past foolishness and naivety.

I sat in the quiet campus grove until very late, only standing when my hunger became unbearable. Looking up, the sky had turned completely dark. I didn’t know what time it was. I’d left my phone and wallet in the dorm, but fortunately found a few dozen yuan stuffed in my pants pocket from who knows when. At least I wouldn’t have to go hungry on top of being wrongly accused—that would have been too miserable.

With my hands in my pockets, I slowly walked out of campus. The night market outside the north gate was bustling, pop music mixed with the clamor of voices washing over me, instantly diluting some of my gloom. Taking a deep breath, I felt my emotions settling somewhat, though the market lights still stung my eyes. I walked into a familiar beef noodle shop next to the night market, sat down, ordered a bowl of noodles, and continued my daze while twirling my chopsticks.

Spinning pens and chopsticks was a bad habit I’d picked up in high school and had quit for several years. Today I unconsciously started doing it again, the chopsticks rotating swiftly and smoothly in my hand, as if I hadn’t gotten rusty at all.

However, when I saw the two people walking into the noodle shop, my fingers froze, and the chopsticks flew out, hitting a customer sitting opposite me with a “park.”

It was Zhuang Xu and Rong Rong. Rong Rong was holding Zhuang Xu’s arm, walking in with a bright smile.

I suppose this is what they call an awkward encounter.

It wasn’t surprising they came to this shop—University students often ate here, and their beef noodles were famous throughout Nanjing. But why did it have to be now?

Rong Rong pulled Zhuang Xu to sit in another corner of the shop, seemingly not noticing me. She kept talking to Zhuang Xu with a smile on her face. Even from this distance, I could feel her good mood, opposite to my miserable state.

This was the first time I’d seen them so intimate in public. Rong Rong had always been extremely reserved, telling everyone she and Zhuang Xu were just friends. Now she was being so affectionate—could it be thanks to me? If so, I guess I made quite an effective catalyst.

As I mocked myself, the bitterness I had just suppressed began stirring again in my heart.

The customer opposite picked up the chopsticks and returned them to me. He was a young man who smiled and said, “Nice spinning.”

Only then did I remember I hadn’t apologized for hitting him. “I’m sorry.”

“It’s fine,” he shook his head with a smile.

The server brought my noodles, and I lowered my head to eat, just hoping to finish quickly and leave before they noticed me.

But things rarely go as planned. The young man opposite finished eating but couldn’t find his wallet. The server, who had been alertly standing beside him since he started checking his pockets, wore an “as expected” expression when he said his wallet might have been stolen.

“No money? Then what do you suggest we do?”

The server’s attitude wasn’t bad, but his voice was too loud. Many people were already looking over. If it were me, I’d probably die of embarrassment, but the young man remained calm, saying steadily, “How about this? I’ll leave my watch here as collateral and come back tomorrow to redeem it.”

The server disagreed: “Who knows how much that watch is worth? The night market’s full of watches like that. I think you’d better call a friend to pay for you.”

I glanced at the watch—its fine craftsmanship suggested it was valuable, but it did look like the “brand names” flooding the night market. The man withdrew the watch that the server had dismissed, his voice finally showing a trace of helplessness. “I’m traveling in Nanjing. I don’t have any friends here.”

More and more people were paying attention now. Although Zhuang Xu and Rong Rong hadn’t looked over yet, if this server kept talking so loudly, they were bound to turn around. I had lost my appetite anyway, so before the server could speak again, I took out a twenty-yuan note from my pocket and handed it to him: “Bill please, for both of us.”

I thought the server would leave after taking the money, but instead, he started chattering enthusiastically about how lucky the young man was. His talk was giving me a headache, so I left without waiting for change.

Rong Rong did see me then. As I stood up, our eyes met, and she snorted, turning away as if she couldn’t bear to look at me.

I clenched my fists, suppressing the urge to go over and argue with her, and stiffly walked out of the noodle shop.

My mood grew increasingly worse.

There was no way I was going back to the dorm tonight. I walked toward the bus stop, planning to stay at my uncle’s house. While crossing the street, I was stopped by someone running up behind me—it was the young man who had sat opposite me.

“Glad I caught up,” he said, seeming relieved. “Could you leave me a contact number? I’d like to pay you back.”

“No need,” I shook my head and walked around him.

He followed again. “Wait…”

I felt irritated.

“Stop following me!” I turned around, speaking viciously.

My fierce tone must have startled him. He paused, stopped walking, and said, “Alright, here’s the change from earlier.”

“Take it for bus fare.”

The light turned green across the street. Without another glance at him, I joined the crowd crossing the road.

At my uncle’s house, my cousin had just returned from evening self-study and was sitting on the sofa eating a late-night snack while watching TV. When he saw me, he first hugged his plate protectively. “Sis, why are you here today? I’m starving, don’t fight me for food.”

“Just eat it yourself.” I had no energy to deal with him and rushed upstairs after a brief reply.

After lying in bed for a few minutes, my cousin came knocking. “Hey, Nie Xiguang, I can’t finish this. Want some? They’re Auntie Zhang’s dumplings, with meat.”

I ignored him.

My cousin kept knocking. “Sis, you haven’t been dumped again, have you?”

Why was everyone so annoying today? I got out of bed, opened the door, and said expressionlessly, “So what if I have?”

“Dumped again?” My cousin’s jaw dropped, then he started snickering. “It’s not still Brother Zhuang, is it? Didn’t you give up on him ages ago?”

Finally, under my glare, he offered insincere comfort: “Well, sis, at least you didn’t lose your virtue.”

“…” I stared at him for two seconds, then slammed the door in his face.

After playing the coward at my uncle’s house for two days, I had to go back—my laptop was still in the dorm, with my thesis draft on it.

Perhaps it was psychological, but walking on campus, I felt like several vaguely familiar classmates from my department were giving me strange looks. I felt depressed but couldn’t exactly grab them and demand answers. Later, after everything had passed, A Fen told me that many people in the department had quickly learned about the incident, and it spread in an extremely unfavorable way. There were several versions of how “Nie Xiguang framed her love rival” and other stories that fully demonstrated college students’ imagination. Even our counselor called the dorm to comfort Rong Rong.

I had chosen to return around three in the afternoon, thinking the dorm would be empty. But when I pushed open the door, I found, unfortunately, that several roommates were there. Rong Rong was standing in the middle of the room, looking very happy with a bright smile. When she saw me, her expression froze briefly before returning to her sweet smile.

“Nie Xiguang, let’s forget about that incident. We’re all classmates after all.”

I no longer wanted to defend myself and just looked at her woodenly.

She played with the phone in her hand: “This is an early birthday gift from Zhuang Xu. As the ancients said, there are gains and losses in everything. Sometimes, there’s no need to be too clever with schemes.”

Her words were pointed. The others in the dorm remained silent. I looked at that garishly colored phone and said flatly, “What’s there to show off about such an ordinary phone?”

Her face reddened, but she quickly recovered: “Yes, it’s an ordinary phone, just over a thousand yuan. Of course, Miss Nie wouldn’t care for it. But haven’t you heard?” She emphasized heavily: “Priceless treasures are easy to find, but true love is hard to come by.”

I froze, then slowly said, “Yes, true love is hard to come by. Congratulations, then.”

I definitely couldn’t stay in the dorm anymore. I packed up and fled to my uncle’s house.

Perhaps I should never have moved back in the first place.